Orthogonal reviews

[Jim of Seattle]

Hey all,

I'm very bored at my job these days, so I was thinking of writing some SF reviews to pass the time. But reviewing fights is so done. I thought instead of reviewing all the songs in a fight, I'd review all the songs by a single submitter across all their fights. That way I'd be able to compare a single style over time rather than a bunch of different styles at one time. Plus I could tailor reviews to whatever the person wanted to know about. Like maybe they don't care that the production sucks, or that their guitar is out of tune, but they want to know if their lyrics are any good. Or whatever.

So, the first person to respond to this post saying they want me to review all their SF submissions wins. Plus, you should tell me what you're especially interested in hearing comments about.

Mark, g'set go.

[jast]

Wouldn't that be "lateral reviews"?
(No, I'm not asking to get reviews. I think there'll be people who will be more interested in this little project.)

[RangerDenni]

I would love this so very muchly if you have the time. Actually, I'd be interested in what you think of the Psychotics stuff.

[Jim of Seattle]

OK, I am working diligently on my reviews for Billy and the Psychotics. 22 songs to jam out on.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Yay!

.....I think.

[RangerDenni]

this is amazing and wonderful. Yay! Yay! Yay! for surely!

[Jim of Seattle]

My BATP Reviews

I think you guys are a solid band. Consistently interesting and varied, but not so much so that you get derailed from the basic style you’re going for. I definitely hear improvement from the earliest to most recent songs, you get more hook-laden and interesting. But what really sets you apart from the crowd is that you all can frickin' PLAY (and sing).

So what kept going through my mind while listening was “Everything about this band sounds great ---- so why am I not totally loving it????” It’s taken me a long time to figure it out, but I think I have.

There isn’t any aspect of your sound that sounds like it’s not radio ready. Everyone has chops, the recordings are good, everything is solid. But what I assume you want to know is where you can be even better. So, keeping in mind that everything here really does sound great, here is overall where I think there is room for improvement.

The lead vocal feels most of the time like it’s somehow disconnected from the rest of the band. I’ve been trying to figure out just what I’m reacting to, and I’m not totally sure, but there are a couple things. The lead vocal is very high in register, and the band is relatively beefy in the mid and low range. The lead vocal almost feels abandoned by the rest of the arrangement, like they’re just going to go on rocking and don’t care that anyone’s singing. A few things might alleviate this, but it would be up to you to decide what. One idea might be to have harmonies sung by a different female voice. Having Denise do her own harmonies is totally fine, but doesn’t solve this problem I’m talking about. And from the few instances where the guys sing, well, they can’t really lick Denise’s boots vocally, so it’s not solving anything either.

I wrote the above paragraph early because I first thought that was a major issue. I’ve since decided it’s a minor issue, but I’ll leave it there rather than go all text editor on this beast.

Another reason the vocals and the band don’t quite blend might have something to do with your method of composing. (This is since promoted to the main reason for me.) It very often sounds like the band and the vocal lines were written in completely different parts of the world by different people at different times – the songs don’t usually feel cohesive, like a single unit. Perhaps Denise is getting the charts and the structure and basic groove, but individual riffs and stuff aren’t taken into account when the songwriting part happens. Usually, the guitars are doing something pretty different from the vocals. To be sure, both are really excellent, there’s really little to complain about, but they don’t sound like a single song.

Composing-wise, it sounds like the lyrics are coming first. Perhaps trying the other way around would be helpful. Get some great melodic hooks going before any lyrics are written. If you aren’t worried about fitting those lyrics into the song structure, you might be more inventive with your tunes. (And I’m sorry to say, too often the tunes aren’t very interesting, which is sad, because they are good in other places that I know you are capable of them, not to mention all the non BATP stuff I’ve heard.) And then once you have melodies you are in love with, don’t let the lyrics bully those melodies around. The melody should do more pushback when the lyrics get in there. The melodies should tell the lyrics, “Hell no, you can’t sing that line, I’m not about to add a few notes to that bar just so you can say “get out of my fucking face” instead of “Get out”. I’m cool the way I am, so come up with another line”. One of my favorite songwriting coaches once told me “There will always be conflicts between craft and imagery in lyrics. Always always always opt for craft. No one can hear a lyric you chose not to sing, but everyone can hear sloppy craft.” Excellent advice. Thank goodness there’s no problem with interesting imagery in the lyrics, because your lyrics have enough good imagery to stretch from here to East Jesus.

OK, thoughts on individual songs. Listed chronologically, and fear not, they start out not so favorable, but it gets better.

Ruthless Lately
I’m not crazy about this one. It’s not very interesting to me. It sits on the same chord almost the entire time, and it doesn’t sound like you had any great ideas when writing the melody, just sort of bouncing around the same 3-4 notes. Much more on that little problem yet to some…

Circle Me
You advanced from one chord to about 3! This one has a different problem, in that the lead vocal is sharp almost the entire way through.

You Are the Heartbeat of This Office for Sure
The chorus tune is almost the same as the verse tune, just sung an octave higher.

His last few days
Cool one. Illustrative issue at 1:58: Notice how rhythmic and groovy that guitar riff is. It’s super cool in its syncopated groove. Then when the vocal comes in, it works against the groove for me by not possessing the same kind of rhythmic drive. This is illustrative of what I was talking about above.

The Only French I Know
One of my less favorites. Guitar and drums are out of sync in the opening. Oops. The vocal melody kind of sits there on the same couple of notes. I don’t find this interesting. The dissonant piano stuff in the middle is great. Another great example of the band and singer being on a different page. The lead guitar is doing all kinds of wicked stuff, and I’d love to hear the vocal playing off that. “The only French I know is adios”, great line.

Threatening to Some
Here’s an example where the vocal line and band are in good sync. This song has very distinct verse and choruses. I wish there were a different arrangement in the band when the chorus comes in, at about 1:26. If I were producer on this song, I would have toned the activity down on the lead guitar, let the song speak for itself a little more.

Out of a Hat
Great example of the major problem I’m hearing with BATP in general. Great groove and hook set up in the intro. Then the first line comes in, “It’s so over/I don’t know what I’m doin anymore”. That’s good. I’m on board so far. (However, permit me to get absurdly nitpicky here. This sounds like a detail, but it might be useful: The band is playing that A chord, and embellishing it with G. The first line that is sung, “It’s so over” spells out the A, but the second syllable of “over” sounds like it’s an F#, which makes a major 7 out of the implied G chord – not the feel you’re going for. “Over” should be A then G. I think that because Denise’s voice is so expressive and interesting, the way it curls around the melodic lines, makes it all the more critical that when you’re singing the actual note in the tune it needs to be exactly the right note – a solid foundation on which all the curls can rest. A detail, I know, but I think being really aware of where the song is harmonically at every instant will make all the embellishments more effective. OK, back to our program…) Then the next little bit comes, and melodically it’s something else, and I’m thinking OK, it’s more melodic material I have to grasp, but it’s still not quite too much. The trouble is it keeps going on like that. Then for the second verse, there is only a passing resemblance to the melody in the first verse. What this makes me think is that you’re more interested in getting the lyrics across than rocking out, but the rest of the band is more about rocking out. So not all the arrows in the song are pointing in the same direction. It’s almost as if the band is saying “We could care less what she’s singing about, we’re just going to rock out”, and she’s thinking “I don’t care what the band is doing, I just want to get these words out there”. BTW, I’m using this song as an example of a larger issue not because it’s particularly egregious, but because this was the song that happened to be playing when this problem finally dawned on me. You should be glad to know your problems are esoteric like this, and not along the lines of “You can’t/sing/play/keep a beat”. At 1:41 this super cool acoustic bit comes in, which I love, and I’m all ready for some complementary vocal bit to come in. But the “you said you love me” line is these long notes which aren’t exactly in the same key, nor do they pay homage to the rhythmic coolness of the guitar. It’s an opportunity lost.

Has Been for Years
Definitely a lot of effort put into the arrangement and production here. This sort of apocalyptic hard rocking has rarely worked for me, and this one is no exception. It doesn’t sound like you guys know what key the other players are in in the verses, so it’s just a bunch of riffs laid on top of each other without a sense of coherence. And again the vocal line isn’t very interesting. Possibly my least favorite BATP song. But hey, you guys can play. And sing, and tweak production knobs. Your powers were used for e-vill this time around, I’m afraid.

Occupy My Heart
The use of the piano is a nice variety. (The opening chord makes me think I’m about to hear the Beatles’ cover of “A Taste of Honey”.) Listening to these chronologically, the chorus is very striking and new sounding, as the first time there’s a bunch of sustained notes in the vocal, and harmonically it’s a bit bolder. Very illustrative though – the verse has the same problem I’ve been hearing and outlined above. So this is a good example of both what you do that bugs me and what you should do to fix it. There’s not enough shape to the verse melody, just kinds of diddles around the same few pitches without really caring where it’s headed, so long as the lyrics are sung. I would have put some vocal harmonies on those long notes. It feels a little like Denise is left out to dry all alone. I think you lose your way briefly at 2:10 – 2:20. The bass fluffs a bit perhaps, and/or the piano.

The last afternoon of a woman he only thought he knew
What? Someone else singing! Rare production issues with this one, vocals are too low most of the way through. I like the blend of our familiar female lead and the lead on this song. Good choice having Denise do backup every once in a while. Makes me think the whole band would have a different vibe with relying more on multiple vocalists. Denise is a great rock singer, but she’s being asked to pull an awful lot of the weight of the band with her solo vocals. Doubling the vocal line in the guitar is also a good move. Why doesn’t Denise ever get that treatment? This one is pretty cool.

That’s Enough
The popping into the mic relegates this to amateurville. I appreciate having tried something different, and it works ok. A bunch of things I would have done differently, but it’s mostly a matter of taste.

In Time of Crisis
Wonder why you won this one? The chorus melodic writing is solid; the tune and lyrics are holding hands and dancing together. “We could get twice as high in times of crisis” has a nice downward melodic direction to it, then “I bet you’d like it if I ride the edge of your knife” starts out the same as the previous line but instead of going down it turns around and goes back up on “edge of your knife”. This is exactly what I was talking about above, the words and tune and working together. It’s really cool, and I have something I can grasp onto so when it comes around again I’m comfortable with it and can get more into it. And I’m more likely to remember it. Now the verse has the same problem as the other ones. But the chorus is good enough to get you the win.

Better Than Before
The section 1:38-2:00 is the most exciting and memorable bit of all these 22 songs. Musically I really feel it at that part, it’s inspired and exciting and thought-out and I want to hear it again. But again, the verse melodic writing is lazy. Always a red flag for me when I hear words which take up two notes “a ne-hext time” and “the fault’s no-hot mi-hine”

A Conversation
I was in this fight, and you ended up winning, but I’m going to try to put aside all my pent-up loser’s resentment… I don’t remember what I wrote about this back when I reviewed the fight, but it’s a good sign that I totally remember it. The chorus is catchy as hell, the jump to the B at 0:46 is a fun surprise, and opening the chorus with “By all means” gives the song a kind of passive aggressive tone that I really like. Interesting that your two wins up to this point have been songs with well-crafted, catchy and confident choruses

Push It
Same problem. The verse melody could have been pulled right out of any of the other songs here. They are all the same, hovering around the same pitches, and you sound like you’re more interested in the lyrics, but who cares about the lyrics, this is a rock band!

It Always Gets Better
Adding that snare at 2 and 4 makes you sound less like Alanis Morrisette and more like Brenda Carlisle! Funny. The vocal harmonies on the verse are effective. I’m consistently impressed with your vocals, and you’re on your game here. This whole song has a more controlled sound that’s a nice change-up. The bongos work. Verse melodic writing is lazy – wait, have I already said that?

All Kinds of Sorrow
You changed up something a couple songs before this. Something different in the arrangement or mix. Suddenly it’s got a smoother, more balanced sound. Again, the vocal harmonies at the chorus are sweet, though this song could have another take or two of the lead. I’m sure you already know that considering how good it is most of the time. I have no idea why this song shows as having no votes. It’s good. Even the verse is ok, hear at 0:32 how “And all my useless memories” flows directly into the chorus, and the bass and drums come in and the melody is suddenly way up high. So satisfying. Then at “drown in all kinds of sorrow” it doesn’t sound like you really wrote anything, but didn’t realize you’d forgotten that part until you were actually recording it. The bottom falls out of the chorus right there, at 0:52. That’s a shame.

Bite Down
This is a step backward I think, except that the band is particularly tight. You all sound awesome at 0:22. Lots of interesting guitar stuff happening, but it’s all controlled and thought through. The break at 1:36 works terrific.

Don’t Like Reggae
I think you were trying to get a little reggae feel in this song, which is kind of fun. It definitely isn’t reggae, but close enough. I don’t think any of you was particularly inspired in this song. Feels like a kind of lackluster performance.

39 + 1 = JB
Hey, engineer, those vocal runs were HARD and she nailed them, why mix them so low? You are all so much more integrated sounding here than you used to be. “All that you wanted to be --- fucking hero” all works perfectly, and that turn first heard at 0:46 was pulled off perfectly every time. This is a really impressive production. One of my favorites. And the drummer gets to shine a little more than in the other songs. Lots of details to the arrangement which are effective.

Joey’s All Bitched Up
This one’s ok, but why just a 4-bar chorus? That seems weird. Should be at least 8 bars. The feel changes there, what with the vocal harmonies and all, but then we’re right back into the verse before we can really get into the different feel. It’s strange.

We Sound Like Each Other
OK, I know I gave you a one sentence review on the boards. This one isn’t one of my favorites. You guys have really honed a nice sound. This is a lesser effort for me, because there isn’t enough interesting hookage going on.

You said you have 12-14 songs ready to make an album. Here are the ones that I would include:
His Last Few Days
Threatening to Some
Occupy My Heart
The last afternoon of a woman he only thought he knew
A Conversation
Better Than Before
It Always Gets Better
All Kinds of Sorrow
39 + 1 = JB

OK, that's it. Thanks for the chance to do something at my job other than my job. This was fun, and now I'm like a BATP expert, as it's almost all I've listened to this week. Louis Armstrong, Philip Glass, Billy and the Psychotics. I think that's about all.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Wow! Thanks Jim!
I just read that whole post and you bring up some very important issues that Dee and I have been discussing for a while now. We've never revisited any of these songs after we meet the deadline. The file is closed and we are on to the next one if time around our lives permits. I'm happy to see that we are on the right track, because you pointed out, almost to the mark, things we want to fix for songs going on the album, and future songs the first time around.

I get a rough music arrangement recorded with rhythm guitars and drums sent off to Dee. She works on vocals and gets them recorded. By the time I get them mixed and some production done, I'm rushing to send off the song to the Fightmasters. One issue for me is to re-record guitars to the vocals to play off of them better, weave around them, through them, etc. Also adding harmony and back up vocals. That's the first thing to get cut when we're out of time. So spending more time in these two areas will bring the songs to a new level we feel.

I'm going to read everything a couple times and listen to the older songs we've done again so I can see exactly what you are referring to. Your review and advice is very helpful. You can be assured that Dee and I will be discussing everything you said.

[RangerDenni]

This is a TREASURE! Outstanding!

It is helpful to think that a change in process and the way that I think compositionally may enable me to achieve this elusive concept of hook. It's been bothering me forever. I care DEEPLY about lyrics and content and story and get extremely ornery trying to make tune fit plot. I'm backing the wrong guy because I often seem to unconsciously forget that I am writing a rock song and not a recitative for an opera or something.

What you said here about the group though:
"It very often sounds like the band and the vocal lines were written in completely different parts of the world by different people at different times – the songs don’t usually feel cohesive, like a single unit."
This is the understatement of the century because sometimes we are guessing and we do not have the one-mindedness about where things should go. I think it's getting better and better the further we go, but it's a process I suppose because of distance and time and, you know, the internet and stuff. When Paco is on lead with us, sometimes I don't even hear it until it's on the page. One time that took a couple days because the songs didn't post for a bit so I had to wait like everyone else for it to go up. I thought about that during French and I know a few other times - "man, if we were in a studio we could feed off each other and I might make more changes and get some ideas and not be dismissive of the 'orchestration!'" (is how I refer to it!) As for now, it's up to BLT to make a patchwork quilt out of us in quick-quick time, but now it's time to make these demos into something else.

Even more personal to me though, a statement that hit is:
“There will always be conflicts between craft and imagery in lyrics. Always always always opt for craft. No one can hear a lyric you chose not to sing, but everyone can hear sloppy craft.”

I appreciated that you complimented my lyrical imagery at the beginning - because it makes me feel like now I can trust the words to be there if I let them just be and put the focus more where it needs to be. I'm past the point where I pout and kick and scream when I need to go in and butcher the text because it just isn't working. I put the offending over-flow into another file and swear I'll do something Nice to it later... I'm going to give changing my process a try and see what happens.

Three of your album picks were ones where the melody was out of my control. jb wrote 'Unnatural Disaster' and it was 39 + 1 = 40; and Chris was really responsible for the melodies on 'the last afternoon of a woman he only thought he knew' and 'Threatening to Some.'
As for me, 'A Conversation,' and 'All Kinds of Sorrow' and the bridge to 'Better than Before' (stuff you found pleasing ) was the closest I've come to using a process that would get me results like what you've suggested. So I will think a lot about this.

You've been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO helpful!

This has been SO helpful and invaluable. Our discussions will be interesting to say the least.

[Jim of Seattle]

I'm glad you're going to get some good out of it. Really, I just thought it would be fun to review by band instead of by fight. And it was; much more fun than reviewing a fight, actually. I'm looking forward to hearing what you come up with in the coming months, now that your sound is engraved on my brain!

I'd be happy to try this again if anyone else cares to offer up their work. And of course, it would be even cooler if other people offered to write band-based reviews too - I don't have to be the only one. It's fun.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Dee pointed out something I forgot to mention. All of our Song Fight songs are, for the most part, demos. At first we'd hum and haw about predicting what each other would do in the details and think of what we should have done or would like to do. We have talked about this endlessly.

But the best thing is that once we have a song completed with vocals and guitar fills, etc, it is easy to go back and re-record it. Who better to cover one of your songs than yourself?

A good example was our JB 39+1=49 song. We were covering a song that is done. We know where the emphasis is and where the energy needs to pop, etc. The only difference with our cover of JB's song is that it has the BatP sound, which I hope is becoming our trademark.

It has taken us 24'ish songs to get to this point of finding our sound and streamlining the writing process, and it just keeps getting better, in my opinion.
On our last song, (we sound like e-chuther) we didn't want to miss another title. I laid out tracks Sunday afternoon. Dee wrote and recorded vocals Sunday night/Monday. I added back up vocals, mixed it Monday and got it sent in on Tuesday for the deadline. That to us is an accomplishment. Not our best song, although I like it, but a damn good demo for us to rock out right if it goes in the lineup.

And by the way. We're not against trashing a song that just doesn't cut it. I hate to admit it happened to us once. It was a punch in the gut for us, but we knew we couldn't submit it, lol. We got over it, pushed ourselves and won the next fight. It wasn't until then that we could say that it was a good decision to do what we did. Not because we won, but because we felt it and knew we rocked it hard. It wouldn't have mattered if we won or not, we both knew we were in that magic groove.

....Dee, I think our discussion is becoming a public one, lol.


.....and I bet if Paco "psycho boy" del stinko chimes in, he'll say our songs don't have a hook and that all the songs he's not on needs better lead guitar.

[Rone Rivendale]

It's temping to torture you Jim with my treasure trove of bad songs. But I won't, I'm not a masochist.

[Jim of Seattle]

Is that your roundabout way of volunteering? I don't remember what I think of your songs, so I can't confirm or deny whether I like them.

[Rone Rivendale]

LOL, no one (but Denni) likes my songs. Besides that, there are WAY more of them than there are BatP songs. So no, I wasn't volunteering.

Not that I could stop you if you did it anyway.

[Jim of Seattle]

I won't subject anyone to this much scrutiny without their permission.

Next up: James Owens, who despite having a name which is approximately 90% the same as mine, is NOT ME.

[AJOwens]

Well, thanks! I look forward to this. But be prepared -- the submissions are nowhere near BatP's quality.

Crush and Keep All Your Promises have revisited versions, posted in the discussion threads at the time, but attached right here for your convenience.

keep all your promises FULL.mp3

(3.41 MiB) Downloaded 23 times

Crush (songfight).mp3

(1.74 MiB) Downloaded 23 times

(edit) Oh, and Cost of Living was composed for supremedible's lyrics (posted in
http://songfight.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=7060#p146779).

[Generic]

I wouldn't mind the up-close Jim of Seattle examination treatment. Though my catalog is so huge, and scattered across so many names, that I would want to curate a playlist for you before setting you loose.

[Caravan Ray]

Like J-E above - I certainly do not want to subject you to my whole catalogue, but maybe you can help out with the project I have referred to here:

viewtopic.php?f=10&t=8680

I am planning on re-recording 10 old songs and releasing them as singles on iTunes etc. - perhaps you would like to review my 10 songs in their original form to give me some ideas for their re-recording.

I have already completed 2 songs:
Waiting Takes Time
http://caravanray.bandcamp.com/track/waiting-takes-time

Better Than Before
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXEJGove5yg



and while my mind will probably change - the other 8 will probably be:

We Have The Technology
http://www.songfight.org/music/we_have_ ... y_whtt.mp3

The Thing Most Easily Forgotten
http://nurein.songfight.net/nureinii/tt ... _ttmef.mp3

Sleep Tight
http://nurein.songfight.net/nureiniv/st/tex_st.mp3

I Know My Rights
http://www.songfight.org/music/i_know_m ... y_ikmr.mp3

Pink Skirt
http://www.songfight.org/music/pink_ski ... ray_ps.mp3

Tomato
http://www.songfight.org/music/tomato/c ... tomato.mp3

Chance
http://www.songfight.org/music/chance/c ... chance.mp3

Clip Art
http://www.songfight.org/music/clip_art ... ray_ca.mp3

If you would like to offer any comments on those 10 songs - either how the 2 completed ones turned out, or suggestions for the re-recording of the other 8 - your input would be most welcome.

[Jim of Seattle]

Certainly, that sounds like fun. You're next in the queue. I'm about halfway through the James Owens reviews, hopefully those will be finished in the next day or three.

Jon, if you want to make a playlist, that would be fine. You don't really have to make an actual playlist though, you could just type a list of songs you want reviewed if that's easier.

[Jim of Seattle]

Here are my James Owens Reviews

Overall impression
This was fun to review because there are so many different styles, so each song has its own special thing about it. You’re not just trying to write the same song over and over, but you have an idea for a style and go for that style, whether it’s effete musical theatre, Johnny Cash, or Irish ballad. So that’s fun.

Of the 20+ songs here, there are only 2-3 I outright hate, but also there are only 2-3 I outright adore too. Most of them fall in the middle. Which is weird, right? I mean, considering how many different styles are represented. Turns out my positive or negative reaction has little to do with the style you’re doing for the song. That very fact is telling though.

And what that tells me is that regardless of the style for a song, there are some issues throughout the collection. And the fact that you are all over the map with styles feeds into the issue. That issue is this: I don’t often hear you commit to a song. The songs feel more like exercises in pulling off a style, but none of the styles sounds like they are really you. Who you really are seems to be getting obscured by all the stylistic trappings.

This sense is backed up by some other things I hear in this collection. First off is the vocals. I think you’re expecting me to tell you you aren’t on pitch enough, but that’s not what I notice. The big problem is that you sing too close to the mic and too quietly. Sometimes this means you are popping into the mic, more often it means there is more low-range energy coming through which is an artifact of being too close, but most importantly, I hear you holding back, possibly because you don’t want to spike the levels, but possibly also because you’re too shy with your own singing. I hear a lot of melodic singing here, and you can hit the notes for the most part, and have a good rich sound, but it’s almost as if you’re choking it. Much better to step back a few inches and let go. But I don’t believe you want to do that, because you come across as insecure in your performance abilities. This insecurity is backed up by the fact you change styles all the time, which I suspect, like I said above, is to hide your true musical self, whatever that may be. The good news is I never once thought any insecurity you’re feeling was justified. Most often my impression was that you’re doing just fine, and the biggest issue is not How Good You Are – the biggest problem lies in How Good You Think You Are, and also Who You Are.

OK, speaking now about the arrangements, this kind of backs up my first hypothesis. When it’s a country thing, you have a twang-y instrument. When it’s modern sound landscapes, there are spoken voices and buzzes, when it’s about India, I hear a sitar, when it’s 80’s pop there are synthy pads. But again, I usually don’t hear that you’ve truly committed to the genre. So I don’t “believe” you. It sounds like you’re mimicking rather than truly embracing. And this keeps everything at a kind of mild level.

>>>Disclaimer for this paragraph: I hear a lot of my own foibles in this collection, so I think I know what’s going on in your head, but this paragraph is all total assumptions that I’m running with and may be totally off.<<< There’s a lot of fun in thinking “I like music style xyz, I wish I could do that – I think I’ll try that” and then when it comes out sounding like that style, that’s pretty satisfying as a songwriter. But like I said, they end up sounding like exercises in the aggregate. After a while I want to know the real artist behind all the exercises. And at the end of the day, you probably aren’t all that excited about the styles you’re imitating. You just want to see if you can do it. So the question might be: Why does everyone buy real Cheerios, when the store brand of Cheerios is half the price and 90% as good? Answer: Because that 10% makes all the difference.

OK, now that I’ve had that out, let’s talk about what’s particularly good. As I said, the voice is better than you think it is, at least potentially so. And you DO manage to be able to do these different styles. So there are composing chops. And your lyrics pay some attention to syllabic stress, imagery, rhyme, all that important stuff. All good. I think you need to trust yourself a bit more. Go for it more. Leap and the net shall appear. Do something that makes you nervous. Yell. Record drunk. Let go. Why not, next time you want to do a certain style, import a track that is an actual sample of the style, and compare what you’re doing to what they’re doing, see how it’s different? Is the difference because you’re just missing the mark, or is it a “good” difference, meaning the difference is highlighting what makes your music yours?

They Meet

Reason-on or rhyme? I could never make out what you’re saying there! It takes too long to get to the accompaniments. I said your voice is fine and it is, but only the very best singers can stand to be heard completely naked for as long as you’re asking us to. I see what you’re doing structurally, and I’m on board, but the layering on of new sounds takes too long, and so I get impatient. Another solution would be to have more evocative lyrics that told a story we were really into, but since you aren’t doing that, I get impatient. I like the concept for the story, and the whole allegorical business, but the lyrics lack specific imagery. And you jump around tenses, sometimes past, sometimes present – it’s confusing and I start spacing out. The climax of the drama seems to come at around 2:30-2:40, but listen at how “climactic” it really is. It should be HUGE there. Maybe singing an octave up, more instruments, etc.
The bell is too hot, and therefore irritating, and it’s close to the center of the mix, right where the lead vocal is, so it’s like I’m getting poked in the eye every time. You don’t seem to do much reverb in your songs, (and when you do it’s a stylistic rather than sonic choice) and here would be a good place for it. Pan that bell off to the side a bit and add a bunch of reverb to give the whole song some epic Celtic space.

Nothing Is Everything

Cool concept. Kind of a Tomorrow Never Knows thing going on as far as I can tell. It can be taken further. Like They Meet, this could use some reverb, so more aggressive panning, a big-ness. And sing out, for crying out loud. At 2:48 you could have tried not to go falsetto. That would have been exciting. I like the little bit of vocal effect you put on it, but there could be more. A second voice with heavy phasing on it, for example. And I like the pizz string run, but it’s a little transparent that it’s a keyboard because you rush the beat and the note velocities aren’t smooth enough; simple fix, big payoff. I’m not one for over-quantizing, and perhaps that was your thinking here too, but the non-quantized notes are better off sounding like string players plucking off beat rather than a keyboardist striking keys off beat, which is what this sounds like.
Regarding the big-ness, you could benefit from compression on most of your tracks. It’s hard to do right, and I still massively suck at it myself, but if you just compare back and forth between a compressed and un-compressed mix you’ll hear a big difference.

Sometimes It’s Hard to Keep Yourself Moving

Your vocals consistently rush the beat in this song! Arrgghh! It’s so consistent that you could almost just drag the entire vocal track back a smidge and you’d be right on beat. And a song like this is all about the beat, so that slip-up is costing you dearly. How This Song Can Go Further: That snare at 2 and 4 is too weak. It should really pop, and the kick should have a lot more power. I think you’re going for heavy funky, but it isn’t really heavy or funky yet. Another thing working against you is all the clever words. It makes the song feel a bit cerebral, which is in conflict with the down and dirty vibe I’m sensing. Here’s a great example of stepping back from the mic, having a beer and letting go. I can hear you reading the lyrics, I want it to sound more spontaneous.

Made to Be Played

Tee hee. The stage itself isn’t made to be played; that last line makes no sense, just sayin’. Otherwise, it should have been required that this be the first song people listened to in that fight. Funny intro to the whole fight, in which case the line could be “randomly arrayed”!

Your New Dress

Stepping back from the mic would have solved a mix problem here, which is that there’s so much fighting in the low end between your voice and the bass guitar notes. Stepping back will reduce all those low vocal frequencies. And some EQ is necessary on the guitar so that low A doesn’t take over like it does. (There’s a useful and simple free plug-in from a company called Voxengo called Span that shows you the frequency spectrum of whatever you’re piping through it. I use it on basses and kicks and stuff to see what frequencies have all the energy.) This song is pretty nice and pretty interesting. I keep hearing Beatle references in these songs, maybe that’s just me, but of course I’m reminded of White Album ballads here. Lay down Blackbird next to this and you’ll totally hear what I mean about the low frequencies. That’s killing you. Visions of a girl spinning around in a dress “light and airy” needs to be musically evoked!! This took 3 listens before I musically “figured it out”, since it goes on and on without repeating. I don’t mind that at all, but I’m sitting here trying to figure out how to make that work more to your advantage. Changing up the arrangement midway through might be nice. Start with the low frequency problem and see where that gets you, I suppose. Lines like “Life is so off the rack” stick out badly. I know you’re going with the clothing references, but I don’t know that that gets you anything. It’s pretty as it is without the added cleverosity.

Cost of Living

I can practically hear you playing around with synth patches, discovering how accurate that organ sounds, and realizing you can just lay down these slow chords and it sounds like church. But man, this is as boring as it was back when I had to endure it in actual church. What exactly was the point of this? Because you could?

Crush

Of course the second version is much improved, so I’ll just talk about that version. This is catchy and has a nice poppy vibe. Maybe you could try it about a fourth higher? The verses might be too low in your register to have the necessary pep. Of course, the chorus is way high, so you might need to do some kind of clever key change to make it all work. My old wheeze about stepping back and letting go with the vocals plays into all this too. Assuming you keep everything the same, the vocals in the chorus sound really choked. I know it’s high for you, so you need to turn that into a plus by rocking out a bit. Anyway, the new version has a great feel, especially with that staccato bass playing. “Pile of mush” needs to go, it’s too obviously in there to rhyme and feels unnatural. “Puerile crush” is almost as painful, but I can live with it.

Keep All Your Promises

Really hard to get through, frankly, one of my least favorites. I hear the pseudo-gospel anthemic thing, but the vocal style problem kills it. In this case there’s too much low-end in the vocal track, from being too close to the mic. Composition-wise it feels way too precious. “Broken toys of childhood” is such a cliché, and then comparing them to your dreams is piling more cliché on top of it. You’re treading on thin ice as it is with the whole reflective retrospective introspective perspective act, and the only way I’m going to go there with you is if I feel it’s really honest, but this feels a little like you’re pretending to be this way. Better to focus on a specific image or two and let me connect the dots rather than make grand summarizing statements like “just ignore the pain”. What pain are you talking about? Clue me in and I’ll come along if I can relate. You say “All that you held dear”, better to actually tell us something you hold dear. Pick a single broken toy, so to speak. The lyrics are just way too generalized.

Please Stop

I really don’t understand this song at all. It sounds like you muted the lead vocal and submitted it that way. I can’t tell if I’m supposed to be able to make out the voices. I hear “Star Trek”, but that’s about it. If I am or I’m not supposed to make that out is not the point; the problem is I don’t know whether I should or not. This problem stems from the fact that I have no idea why this piece exists. The music part is like something I might hear on hold on the phone, though that part is nicely recorded with fine separation between the instruments. Then this fuzzy voice comes in and says “please stop”, but things don’t stop, at least not every time. Huh? Hey, I’m all for surrealism and intentionally confusing the audience, but I guess I’m not sure I’m supposed to be confused. It’s just a seemingly unrelated layering of things that doesn’t add up to any kind of whole. Very strange, and I come away just sort of puzzled, but not moved.

Robot Ninja Zombie Bear

This one has a lot of promise. I assume you know the Flaming Lips’ “Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots”. This reminds me of that for obvious reasons. First off, I like the basic songwriting. You have painted good imagery with “the grave of a Japanese cartoon” and “follow the tendrils of the living moon”. The chorus is tuneful and memorable. Big problem is that you’re relying much too heavily on tired Japanese musical stereotypes. Hate to say it, but I was also reminded of “Me Japanese Girl I Love You”, a god-awful embarrassing Bacharach song. The pentatonic scale and pseudo shakuhachi are corny corny corny corny. Again, you seem so bent on mimicking a style that your own musical voice is obscured. Can you evoke the setting in some fresher way? Vocally, this is a better performance than many, though you still occasionally get stuck in your quiet “crooning” thing. (The lead vocal is mixed too low, btw.) I wish the arrangement had some more inventiveness, reflecting the dichotomy between the aokigahara forest and some underground industrial complex. You kind of set up the musical groove and never explore it. Instrumentally, what we hear in the first 30 seconds is pretty much all we ever get. Still, I like this one.

What Kind of Love Are You Looking For

So as I listen to this I’m thinking about eclecticism. What makes an eclectic collection work or not? Why is listening to different styles of music back to back usually not satisfying? When it is, why is it? (Part of the reason I’m asking this is because, obviously, your body of songs is quite eclectic. Also, though, it’s because so is mine.)

So if someone decides to write a song outside his “mother tongue”, it’s probably not going to sound exactly like the real thing, because it’s not a style that’s completely under his skin. On the surface he can copy what he’s hearing, but there’s something missing. If you look that song deep in the eyes, there’s a blankness where the song’s soul should be. If on the other hand, the songwriter is merely inspired by a style, but isn’t necessarily trying to copy it, the song might be a success, but the original inspirational style may not even be recognizable by the end of the writing process. (Famously, McCartney did this in trying to write a Motown hit with “Got to Get You Into My Life”. A fantastic song, but certainly not Motown.) Ultimately, whatever a songwriter is setting out to do, their first order of business should be honesty. And by honesty I don’t mean simply writing lyrics about things near and dear to your heart, (though that might be part of it), I mean making artistic choices based on that ineffable inner well that is the source of great music, rather than some external scholarly assessment of the “correct” note.

If in this song you were simply in love with 80’s dance pop and were driven to “sing along” by writing one yourself, that would be one thing. But here (and in many of your songs which borrow from another style), it feels like you decided to write a specific style, then made more or less calculated composition decisions based on that self-imposed rule. So when I look deep into the eyes of the song there’s nothing there. But there IS something there in countless “real” 80’s dance pop songs. Because I think what I’m really listening for when I hear music is the voice of the artist behind it, regardless of what kind of music they’re playing. So if, while writing this song, you had a moment where you thought “I wish the tune would go like THIS here, but an 80’s dance pop song wouldn’t do that”, that’s your muse trying to get your attention. That’s the inner well. To hell with 80’s dance pop – your idea is more honest.

Why do I think that? Because almost every one of your “genre” songs is trying to be smack dab right on the genre. It’s not a James Owens song influenced by style X, it wants to be EXACTLY style X. I would way rather listen to James Owens do his own thing and hear influences of those styles. (“This is kind of an 80’s pop thing, but it still sounds like a James Owens song.”) All those styles are already crowded with terrific examples from past years. I don’t need to hear another one. Unless you’re making something new out of it. Which in most cases here, it doesn’t sound like you are.

OK, this song does the 80’s dance pop thing. Is that your heart’s desire musically, or was this an exercise in writing an 80’s dance pop song? Frankly, I’m not so interested in your exercises. I want to hear what you sound like. That said, this is fine. I’d bring the drums up some and take any reverb off them. Vocally, here’s a problem I’m hearing: Go to the song and listen to the word “new” at 0:15. You trail off that note with a croony vibrato that is out of character for the style, and I think kind of drains the life out of the song. In the next line you do it on “meaning” and “screw”. You do it over and over. Solid lyric craft and tuneful enough songwriting. I don’t hate this at all. I just went off on this tangent since it turned out this is the song that finally inspired me to talk about eclecticism in general. Lastly, same problem here as with the Zombie Bear – about 15 seconds in and I’ve pretty much heard everything I’m going to hear instrumentally. Not like you need to go crazy, but a little sonic detail to hold interest goes a long way.

Jewel of India

This style of music suits your deep bass so nicely. You wrote a song for your own voice, and you sound so much more comfortable here, and so I am too. Too much low end in the vocal, step back from the mic a few inches or EQ it out. (Have I mentioned that before?) Lyrically you usually take some care in syllabic placement and all that lyric technique and it pays off in this case. This isn’t a criticism, but I’m confused by “sail northwest by Canada”. So… where was this letter posted and where exactly are they going? I don’t really care, but sailing NW by Canada in the Pacific means you’re going to Alaska, but sailing NW by Canada in the Atlantic means you’ll run into, well… Canada. Who cares though, I was just curious, maybe you thought the line just sounded good (which it does). Good enough for me. This paints such a clear image, it’s a pleasure to listen to. I want to imagine the singer also playing an instrument, as they do in those types of songs. I’d bring up the drum and turn down the drones and give the voice and drum a similar reverb space and pan them in the same location so they sound like they’re in the same room. That’s a minor quibble though, this song works good. Didn’t need the Within You Without You turn at the end. I’m expecting to hear “When I’m 64” now.

Look at the Sky

Another real low point for me. Comes across pompous in its clichéd generalities. More Beatle-y bits heard too, that Lennon-esque melisma at 1:04 is too on-the-nose. But ok, if you’re going to try to pull off this thing, here’s a case where you really need to be singing out with reverb to supply the size I think your arrangement is wanting. But those lyrics describing the sky… What does it mean indeed. I don’t feel any true inspiration from you in this song. I’m reminded of Spinal Tap a bit. Again, sounds like an exercise in trying to write a song about the sky. I like your chord changes, and the lead guitar is effective. Sorry James, I kind of can’t stand this song.

I’m Eating a Wasp (Part 1)

This sounds like it’s Please Stop (Part 2). I’m really into this for about 45 seconds. Cool sonic idea, with the voices and the wasp sounds and all. But James…. The song is over after the first minute. Nothing else happens. That’s it. The Monty Python-y cookie statements seem to make it like a comic song, and I want to punch that git by the end of the song, but the wasp belies the comic idea. This has the same problem as Please Stop in that I don’t understand what you’re going for. And you don’t go anywhere. Why did you stop at 2:27? Why isn’t this song 1 minute long? Or 3? Or 180? Where it chooses to stop feels totally arbitrary because there’s no sense of shape or form. If it’s supposed to be a kind of minimalist sonic soundscape, it’s not nearly long enough to achieve that effect. Fine idea, but that’s all this is unfortunately. Also, that low frequency bumping thing clips the recording, which doesn’t sound like it’s on purpose, so it’s distracting.

Vest Factory

This one is promising. You pull off a cool psychedelic surreal effect, and the breathy flute was a good choice. Hitting the 2nd on that B chord is too on-the-nose for that 60’s style. Another too-obvious Beatle borrow. As with many of your more conventional pop songs, you could make good use of backup harmonies. When you get to “Get yourself to…a vest factory” it’s a nice catchy moment you could underline with a little more energy in the arrangement. The whole song is a silly idea that I’m done with at 2:45. Don’t need that last verse, I’d just play out with the chorus at that point. And again, once the arrangement starts, that’s all it ever does. Add some instrumental surprises to keep my ear from getting bored. Lead vocal is mixed too low. I wonder if this song would rock a bit more if you removed one of those guitars (and of course didn’t keep the remaining one panned so hard). Worth a try. Fun one.

Cloud-Cuckoo Land

Feels very demo-y. The clever opening line is a great starting place, and then you repeat it with a nice little change in the tune (which probably didn’t need to be so hard to sing), but then the tune dwizzles around, trying to find its direction, and I can tell you don’t really know where you’re going, and then the song sort of stops. That’s why it feels demo-y, you have some good ideas but nothing is developed. This sounds like it took you about 20 minutes to put together start to finish. And the reverb you put on the guitar is distracting because it’s so panned and there’s none on the vocal. Reverb is supposed to make everything blend, but in this case it makes it blend less.

Who Said I’m Dead

My favorite of the 21 songs. Mind you, it’s just another JO genre grab, but like Jewel of India, you sound comfortable. And the lyrics are funny and clever. I really wish it didn’t sound SO MUCH like Johnny Cash and more like James Owens, but you’ve heard me tell you this a dozen times already, I know. And your low voice fits what you wrote for it. Needs a punch line to take it all the way home though. The whole song feels like a charming setup, and repeating the first verse at the end is disappointing. Minor thoughts: Remove the word “evil” at 0:28, sounds better as “You don’t have to be a mastermind”. It throws off the rhythm and doesn’t add meaning anyway. And I’d pay good money if I could have come up with that great 7-11 line. Way to go.

Where You Can Go

After the first verse I saw what you were up to, and rather than thinking it was a clever fun thing, I kind of thought “oh no”, because having heard everything else by you up to this point I knew you would be nowhere to be seen. This exercise is about how many SF titles you can squeeze into a lyric. But knowing that was your game also clued me in that you didn’t have any other reason to choose the words other than this little puzzle. It’s all about the cleverness of the titles. Musically it’s not very inventive, and the titles strung together don’t hold any external meaning. You’d never have written them otherwise.

Pestilence, Carcass and Death at Skoochies

I really want to love this one. But I kept listening over and over to figure it out. The lyrics are so oblique, as is a common style for you, that it’s like a Jeopardy answer. I have lots of clues to what you’re talking about, but you never come out and say it. I keep thinking that if I get a piece of something I can latch onto that the whole thing will suddenly make sense. That happened with “They Meet”, where it took me a while to figure out what you’re talking about. (And with They Really Are you had to tell me.) With this one it seems like there’s something, but there are so many lyric “huh?” moments that I finally gave up.

I like the idea of a lyric that’s merely a list of fragments without being complete sentences or thoughts. Reminds me of “Casimir Pulaski Day” by Sufjan Stevens, whose lyric is also a string of random images. The difference is that he clues us in early on what it’s about, and it’s genuinely sad, and so we have an easy time connecting the dots and a big emotional payoff when we do. You waste too much time being coy with it so the emotional payoff might never come. (Also instructive is much of The Decemberists’ album Picaresque, because they use these old sea shanty styles to tell touching stories.)

Seven Days

Ha. Believe it or not, this is one of your most completely realized songs. Works beginning to end. Your vocal and the lowest frequencies of the instrument are stepping on each other some, but notching out the lowest frequencies of your vocal should fix that. I know it’s short and simple, but you nailed it.

They Really Are

I already reviewed this in the fight review thread of course. It was interesting to go back and re-read after having become so familiar with all your entries. And even there I was onto the lack of honesty inherent in borrowing a style without putting your own stamp on it.

Wrapping ‘er up
Thanks for agreeing to let me rip you a new one. I hope I wasn’t too harsh. Gotta call em as I see em. I’m asking myself what if you presented me with a dozen songs of yours I hadn’t heard before. I would come to it with a lot of expectations and assumptions based on how well I know this group of 21. What would I be expecting? I would expect a bunch of songs with different styles, leaning heavily toward old English ballads perhaps, with lots of Beatle references. I would most look forward to songs that felt like they were honest and not exercises. And I would hope you would be peeking through some of them somewhere.

When every time you set out to do a song you decide on a specific style, your decisions boil down to what will be appropriate for that style. This prevents you from exploring your own style, whatever it may be, and remaining at a surface level of mimicry. Ultimately this was your downfall for me. I’m not interested in second-rate versions of those styles. I’d rather hear the first-rate originals. You need more musical courage. If I were a teacher I might assign you the task of picking a set of, say, 3-4 instruments and to write your next dozen songs limiting yourself to only those instruments. And no genre grabs allowed.

Technically, sing out more, step back from the mic, watch collisions in the low frequencies with instruments, make use of reverb and compression to bind your sound together. Your discussion in the PM about your equipment made it sound like you thought maybe you didn’t have the best gear, but I honestly never heard anything that I could chock up to cheap equipment. If anything, I’d spend money on better synth patches, that’s hurting you a lot. But if you chose 3-4 instruments to stick to, those could just be ones that sound good. (When I did a lot of quirky jazzy standards about 5-10 years ago, I never put brass in them, even though it would have been appropriate, simply because my brass patches were so bad.)

Lastly, I will say that it’s been very instructive to listen to this collection, thank you! I have fallen into your traps many times. If I may bore you with a personal story: I’ve been writing music for over 30 years, and have a relatively enormous catalog covering a breadth of styles. Sometimes the styles were necessities of whatever project I was doing, and sometimes they were, like yours sound to be, exercises in “can I pull it off”, or because I happened to be digging an album of a specific style at the time. Despite the large collection, I’ve never felt I had enough really good music in any one style enough to make a whole CD worth. It’s been my decades-long “eclecticism” problem. Then last year I had to let someone else choose a CD’s worth of my songs, and suddenly I saw there was a unity in what they chose that I’d never noticed before. I realized that if I just re-arrange this song here, and tweak that song there, and rewrite this other one to be a little more like so, my own artistic voice would be shining through anyway, and so even though stylistically there’s a lot of variety, it would all hold together. And just like that my eclecticism problem went away. And to top it all off, I now know that if I HAD decided to release a whole CD of just one of those styles, that wouldn’t have been as honest, because I really am an eclectic guy I guess. Fascinating. And great timing to hear all your music.

Either you haven’t found your own artistic voice yet, or you’re hiding it, or it’s totally there and I missed it. But if you were to take the best dozen songs from this collection, they would still just sound like a collection of songs, and wouldn’t hold together as a unit. What’s missing is you.

[AJOwens]

What's missing is you.

I appreciate all the time and effort you've put into this. You've given me a lot to think about.

Unfortunately I'll continue to be missing for a few days, as my schedule has taken a turn for the busier. It's just as well -- I need some time to digest all the information. I'll post a more complete reply later.

Once again, thanks for some valuable reflections.

[Caravan Ray]

...Lastly, I will say that it’s been very instructive to listen to this collection, thank you!..

I read you reviews. I am not familiar with Jimmy O's songs.

I like your comment above - and I can see the value of it.

I would like to do the same - I won't promise - but JOS makes sense. I hope to pick someone randomly someday and do what JOS has done. Not for anyone else's benefit. For MY benefit.

JoS is 100% correct. There is no better way to improve ones own music than listening to the music of others.