Greetings, Ancient Stag O' Mine (HMOH Reviews)

[jb]

It was due today, right? Go nuts.

JB

[Stubby Phillips]

I'm feeling much better this week. Not as harsh. Happy happy joy joy.

Naked Philosophy: I think this is one of those "you had to be there" moments -- and I
wish I had been. The audience seems to have liked it... Add points for courage. (4/10)

Rycehat: The guitar doing singe-note runs adds a nice touch. I think the vox range
could be expanded a bit, or at least breaking out of the 3 chord arrangement more
would make this more musically interesting. (C-)

queef mcbeef: Some will write this off as annoying noise, but I rather enjoyed it. A good
mix of sounds. The story is kinda hard to follow, though. Was HMOH
mentioned/referenced, or was this a pre-existing piece? Points off for that, ya know. (-
30)

the idiot kings: The meter of the vocal is a little too 'mechanical' for me -- I think it could
have 'flowed' a bit more, especially on those lines that had too many syllables to fit just
right. Nice orchestral feel. Good harmonies/choral effect. Are those 'live' guitar
harmonics? Looped? Synth? Nice touch. 3.1415926535...

Sockpuppet: Did you have a laugh track? A 'country' vocal tone would have fit right in
with this. Or at least some emotion. But the vox is spoken competently, as is the
playing. ( -10 for ambiguous/convoluted sentence.) Story is 60% of the song, music
10%, audience 20%.

roymond: Nice live feel to it. Everyone played together, so points for that. Sounded full,
complete. Missed the story, so add 10 points. Nice solo break. Reminds me of Neil
Young or the Band (their name escapes me). Score: one hotel on Marvin Gardens.

Abjure!: This is interesting once the story gets going. The 'jaw' line is gross/funny. I
don't think that image is going away any time soon. Points off for fucking with my libido.

Evils That Never Came: Big points for My Old Heart in the refrain. Vox is quirky but not
bad. Could have used more cymbals. Maybe a woodblock. Bell tree? 17

The Seamus Collective: Crowded House intro. Excellent plaintive voice -- like Chrissie
Hynde if she could hold a note. Offbeat drum hit stands out like a Mel Gibson love
poem. I like the feel of this alot, especially the vox. Wow. My libido's gonna be alright. Vote.

Tailirine Irene: Someone's talking in the background. Distracting. Hey -- at least this is
different. Points for that. Not the most interesting music in the world, but it stands out
(for SF!). Keep submitting -- I want to hear more! (with yelling and breaking glass next time)

The HATE Noise: Vocals get lost in the mix. Rare Earth vibe is cool. Bring one of the
guitars up once in a while. It needs to break into something in the middle -- like a kick-
ass rock beat and scorching solo -- but the part at 3:20 is gooood. Hell, it's perfect for
1970. A little Chicago in there. Yeah, this might be kinda long, but it would be the shit
live!

A Far Off Land: The 'fuck you once for old times sake' line is gold. VERY unexpected
solo adds another (needed) dimension. I would have liked another (real short) solo at
the very end, then cut. Score: R

die fledermaus: Time signature is illegible. That's a good thing. Vocals are buried. Not a good thing. Lots of changes -- good. Everybody's playing is good. That's good. Not great -- but good. Points for that. Would have been good to keep it a little shorter, I think. Score: good.

Dial EMERGENCY: Not bad for what it is. Does that make any fuckin' sense at all? NO! I got that in a review once, and it drove me CRAZY! I'm still not right. Who wrote that? -- I'll have to look it up. Oh yeah, and then there was "I think I know what you were trying for, but you didn't quite make it." WHAT? What am I thinking RIGHT NOW, dipshit? Sorry... Um, this song is kinda pretty, and I don't really like pretty songs, so I'm going to recuse myself -- except to say that I think I know what you were trying for...

Steve Durand: Did you say "I have anal glands?" The vocal is a little shaky. The lyric is pretty good, and the title is intact and prominent, so +10 points. Real horn-type acoustic instrument: +10 points. Banjo-kinda thingy? + 10 points. Is that a real piano? +10. 40 points.

Jonathan Mann: Another acoustic guitar. And unison backup vocals. Shaky vox. Marginally clever story. Title in song. Three chords. Score: C (meets minimum requirments)

McCalum: C

Ken's SDBnS: Acoustic guitar. Drums, bass, keys. Harmonies. Intro. Verse. Refrain. C+

King Arthur: O.K., I give up.

Marcey: Don't get me wrong... It's nice. I just...

New Result: Oh My God

Wages: ...

I have to apologize to the last 8 people -- I really didn't give you much. I'm sorry. I need to go listen to some ska now. Or some Zappa. Maybe Linkin Park. Good.

[sleepysilverdoor]

queef mcbeef: Some will write this off as annoying noise, but I rather enjoyed it. A good
mix of sounds. The story is kinda hard to follow, though. Was HMOH
mentioned/referenced, or was this a pre-existing piece? Points off for that, ya know. (-
30)

Why, yes it was! I believe the lyric was "hello my old heart, yellow thy mold tart.". Or something like that.

[the idiot king]

Why, yes it was! I believe the lyric was "hello my old heart, yellow thy mold tart.". Or something like that.

the cheerfulness of that response and the disgustingness of the lyrics made me very happy.

[fluffy]

Sockpuppet: Did you have a laugh track? A 'country' vocal tone would have fit right in
with this. Or at least some emotion. But the vox is spoken competently, as is the
playing. ( -10 for ambiguous/convoluted sentence.) Story is 60% of the song, music
10%, audience 20%.

That audience was recorded live. At some point in the past. By somebody else.

That was about as country as I could get. I practiced it a whole bunch and then recorded guitar and vocals in a single take, and then bass in another single take, since I wanted to try to do something like the challenge. I would have just submitted the SFLive recording but I could barely hear my words in that, so I felt it necessary to rerecord. Basically I was going for a Johnny Cash thing (specifically "A Boy Named Sue").

Which sentence was ambiguous or convoluted? The punchline does rely on a knowledge of San Francisco's major streets (since I was attempting to pander to a San Francisco audience), and unfortunately there aren't a lot of SF street names which both sound like streets and rhyme with anything useful. I thought the rest of it was pretty much straightforward though.

[Who_Izzy]

oh yay. Since I'm a terrible singer (barely a decent rapper imho) i took this week off since my idea would have required singing i can not do...so I'm reviewing.(I'll probably be terrible at this too)

The Hate noise- I like it! except for the vocals getting a bit lost. I loved what you were saying and how you were saying it. Stubby was right This would be awesome live especially with a crazy solo or something.
-you get a vote

KSDBn'S- There's something about your voice that irks me for some reason (like I'm one to talk lol) I'm not sure what it is though. I really like the song though. The guitar part is good.
-you may get a vote

Naked Philosophy-Yours was the first live one I have heard and quite frankly, It was disappointing. When I heard the hats I was thinking it was gonna be upbeat and maybe a lil faster which eh not really. I'm not sure what to say about it. It was definitely different than the others, but It stuck out in just the wrong way to me.

Tailirine-I adore this! The glitchyness is awesome(though that may have just been my computer). Pretty good flow. It made me want to listen. however my computer wouldn't let me listen to more than 20 seconds
-you get a vote

rycehat- I feel like I'm in the Nineties again. Someplace I've also liked to visit so thank you. I did drift in and out cause i was busy while I was listening to yours so i came back in durring weird parts such as one talking about "your butt or mine" and i laughed my butt off. It was amazing and I liked all the little sounds.
-you get a vote

(unfortunately my computer is not letting me listen to any others right now...when it starts doing so i will finish this)

[Stubby Phillips]

queef mcbeef: Some will write this off as annoying noise, but I rather enjoyed it. A good
mix of sounds. The story is kinda hard to follow, though. Was HMOH
mentioned/referenced, or was this a pre-existing piece? Points off for that, ya know. (-
30)

Why, yes it was! I believe the lyric was "hello my old heart, yellow thy mold tart.". Or something like that.

Very good! Points restored. Points off for making me restore points. (-40)

[Stubby Phillips]

Which sentence was ambiguous or convoluted?

I deducted points for MY sentence: "But the vox is spoken competently, as is the playing."
Sorry, rules are rules.

[fluffy]

You are a very strange person.

[Stubby Phillips]

You say that like it's a bad thing.

[fluffy]

I do? I had no idea.

[Wages]

Wages: ...

I have to apologize to the last 8 people -- I really didn't give you much. I'm sorry. I need to go listen to some ska now. Or some Zappa. Maybe Linkin Park. Good.

Com'on, really? What even bother? Sorry I'm not as talented as Zappa or play ska or play whatever-LinkinPark-plays (rap pop metal?). Maybe you could tell the 8 of us why we suck so bad. That would be something at least.

I'm not going to say "sorry", but I have had 3 beers and am feeling a bit loud.

BTW all, did you hear about the Kings of Leon pigeon poop concert?

[Manhattan Glutton]

Com'on, really? What even bother? ?

If you only saw the irony. His review is obviously proportional to how long it took you to record.

[sleepysilverdoor]

A bit of dark irony...during the week of this song, my dad's old heart crapped out, leading to a hospitalization and three stints. In good news, he lived. Hello, dad's old heart!
Anywho, the reviews.

Abjure - This song makes me wanna do the happy head nod side to side. Some of the harmonies are a little off, but eh, whatever. I'm reminded of the stuff that half of my friends from my hometown write and play at small shows...which amounts to me liking it simply because of the memories that come with stuff that just generally sounds like that. WAIT SHE CHOKED ON A BOWLING BALL WHAT. A COW. HA.

Dial Emergency - Hmm. Your intonation is a little bit off at times, but I do enjoy the ooOOOooOOOooO that you throw in here. This kind of sounds like something I would hear on a Plan-It-X compilation. Which I suppose is a good thing. This song mellows me out, to be honest. That said, I don't find it particularly entralling. Perhaps it's my music taste.

Die Fledermaus - DISTORTION AND REVERB. The only thing that really bugs me about this is the fact that the guitar is kind of out of tune with the bass, especially on the second chord in the main riff. Also, I can't really hear the vocals very well. I feel like I'm hanging out with my alt-metal loving angst friends. ACK UNDERBUFFERING. Okay, changed wireless networks, and we're cool. The dynamic shifts in the bridge are kind of cool. I guess what bugs me about this is the seeming lack of much tonality through a lot of it. However, I must say, it's a pretty cool song. Oh, that filtered drum part was...not fantastic. Off beat. I still give you a cookie for it.

Evils That Never Came - For whatever reason, I'm reminded of Broken Social Scene. Or maybe Kevin Drew's solo album. Which is a pretty neato CD, so being slightly reminded of that is a good thing. Not really sure why it reminds me of it though. I like the part that starts around 2 minutes in. Good use of dynamic. I also have to say, I like the way your voice sounds. The ending's a bit anti-climactic though.

A Far Off Land ft Field of Bronze - This is about as mellow as the last track I heard from you. It's also not nearly as atmospheric. However, it's also substantially better. The vocals are done well, you manage to keep a pretty good vibe throughout though. Everybody tonight is reminding me of someone else. This sort of reminds me of Bright Eyes...until about 3 minutes into it...random guitar solo and crunchiness, me gusta. And I think I like where it goes after that too. That panning on the vocals is kinda trippy.

HATE Noise - I do not sense nearly enough hate from this track. Man, this is groovy. Not particularly well mixed, as the low end is virtually absent and it's kind of hard to here the vocals at all. The drumming is really good, so bonus points for that. And the musicianship in here is good all the way around. I really don't have much to say about this other than "neato!".

The Idiot Kings - This song starts off with bit-crushed beats, which, given my own predisposition towards abusing bitcrushing, gives me a little bit of joy. And these lyrics...wow. Clever use of the title as well. You know, I wish my heart could be wound up. That'd be convenient.

Jonathan Mann - Hmm. I'm trying to figure out exactly what there is to say about this song. It's not that it's bad, it's that it's just kind of boring and doesn't really do anything for me. Admittedly, the line about drunk-dialing your old heart is kind of funny. But yeah, doesn't do anything for me.

Ken's Super Duper Band N' Stuff - Kind of similar to the last song, this doesn't really do anything for me either. It's got that slow ballady feel to it, which is honestly one of my least favorite genres. So being biased, I don't feel like I can say too much. I just get the feeling I've heard this song many times.

King Arthur - Readin' through these lyrics, high school reunions aren't exactly what I would have thought of with the title. That's not a bad thing at all. I kind of dig this take on it. I can't say I can really relate, as I graduated in '08, so I'm still a young'un. Well recorded and sung though, I want to eat a sandwich with you.

Marcey - I was once hanging around Warren Wilson College in Suwannanoa, N.C. and found a tape at the store for free with all sorts of drawings and other neatness on it. Many of the songs on it sounded remarkably similar to the ones on here. Something about the way that you sing your "r"s kind of reminds me of Ani Difranco. Nothing else really does. I like the line about the heart at the supermarket.

McCalum - Hmm. I get that feeling whenever I listen to old stuff that I've written. It's a pretty nifty little ditty...not much I feel like I can say about it though.

Zipline - Well, the lyrical flow is slightly awkward, but I am slightly frusterated at the fact that the crowd seems completely unwilling to shut up up until the very end of the song. Though I must say, I like the fact that you're talking about becoming a cyborg. Kind of short, but I dig what you have.

New Result - Well, your robotic rendition of the title isn't JUST the title repeated over and over. You say "hello my old heart heart" instead of just "hello my old heart" every other time. I'm tempted to count the number of different patterns you threw into this, because it can't be that many. There's no particular key signature either. No sense of tonality. No progression. Just repetitive badness. Do you ever extensively listen to dance music? Some elements of the beat make me think that this is trying to be house. However, it's not. Try some variation.

Queef McBeef - Beautiful...the epitome of what music is supposed to be.

Roymond - Live! Sounds like you're in a medium sized venue. And there's a decent number of people. Good musicianship, though the vocals are a little bit buried in the mix...wait, there's no mix, it's live. Anywho, as with zipline, the crowd needs to shut up. However, I actually really like this beyond that. Your falsetto isn't perfect, but I can't complain about it. And your guitar solo is well executed as well. I'd go see you if you were located anywhere near me. If you're in relative proximity to Bowling Green, KY throughout the year, we're gold.

Rycehat - I love rice. I collect hats. Therefore I'm inclined to like this. Your vocals are a bit nasal, and maybe the phaser on the right channel is a bit excessive. This reminds me of a cross between Third Eye Blind and Green Day. Clever lyrics. Really, the only major criticism I have about this track is the fact that it sounds like you went overboard with your multi-effects pedal. Would have sounded better clean, but eh.

Seamus Collective - Something about this song sounds really familiar, but I can't really put my finger on it. Regardless, the performance here is tight, especially with the vocals. This isn't particularly my style, so I don't feel like I can offer any productive feedback...other than that, I dig it.

Sockpuppet - Wow, this crowd is actually enthusiastic and paying attention! Though they won't shut up, it's definitely the type of music that you've gotta clap to. Though admittedly, I find this song to be hysterical.

Steve Durand - Is that a mandolin in the backgrond? If so, I'm pleased by your choice of instruments. Actually, this is pleasing all the way through, lyrically. The bass drum sounds a little bit too muffled...maybe tune it differently? Or rerecord your drums...actually, are those live or just really good v-drums? The panning on them is kind of interesting.

Tailirene Irene - Man, this is completely unlike most of what I hear on this website. And I love the drum production, though occasionally I feel like the mix is upside down...vocals sound like they need a depopper and a de-esser, also should be a tad lower in the mix. Also, there's no real bass elements, so the beat feels a little bit brittle. Production issues aside, your flow is pretty good. Hooray!

Wages - The melody in the verses sort of reminds me of that Nickleback song "How You Remind Me"...until the second verse, where it starts to get a little bit more major key. Unintentional melody jacking happens though...I know I've done it a few times. Anywho, the songwriting isn't that bad, but the performance is a bit lacking. Diddums.

There it is, children, now don't we all sing it together.

[Wages]

Com'on, really? What even bother? ?

If you only saw the irony. His review is obviously proportional to how long it took you to record.

It doesn't really matter if I spend an hour recording it (as I did here) or 4 hours recording it with multiple takes, drum loops, and the like, because then people just complain about the mix or the latency issues. Therefore, I propose that it is irrelevant how long I spent recording.

[Manhattan Glutton]

I see. So you're afraid of getting better. Well, the good news is that you're meeting your goals.

[Wages]

I see. So you're afraid of getting better. Well, the good news is that you're meeting your goals.

I just got slammed!!

I think I am getting better at delivering a single take. I hope to achieve the level of skill Bob Dylan represented on his first couple of albums. Mind you, I mean playing songs that don't need multiple takes or a full band. If I could come close to his level of poetry, then it would have already overshadowed the recordings.

Incidentally, surely the other 7 people didn't making recordings as crappy as mine, right? I don't really know because I haven't had time to listen. Just making an ass of u and me. <insert smiley here>

[Stubby Phillips]

I'm gonna re-review the last few songs (starting at where I began acting like a Total ass), and actually listen to them this time -- instead of judging the genre -- when I'm not sitting on a 90-degree deck trying to keep the kids from drowning in the creek. The rest of you have to live with what you got yesterday.

die fledermaus: I really like this. It builds slowly but steadily to some great epic breakdowns/refrains. The solos are hot and everything is executed well (at least on my small boombox on the deck). Just bring your voice up a bit. Vote

Dial EMERGENCY: Nice song. The lyrics are great and sweetly sung. The oooohs are just right -- you have good intonation -- except sometimes the main and backup ooohs create dissonance. The guitar and everything is pretty good -- but the technical problems mask alot of what's really there. Sort it out and do it again -- I wanna hear it clean.

Steve Durand: I like the piano chord progression. Nice clarinet. It's interesting that in the 3rd? verse "sweat" doesn't rhyme with "straight", but rhymes with "obsessed" and "guess" in the next verse. By design?

Jonathan Mann: Cool structure -- that offbeat vocal makes me strangely expectant and grabs my attention. The vocal melody works well with/against the rest. And the backup harmonies aren't bad, either. Good folksy tune.

McCalum: Good pickin'. Lyric sounds kinda corny to me -- then you get a little faster & looser and I can tell you're getting into it, and I just listen to the song instead of the words. Good ending.

Ken's SDBnS: My first impression is how everything sounds tight and well played. Strings add a good foundation and counterpoint. Speaking of counterpoint, the harmonies at the end are cool.

King Arthur: Happy, hopefull music. I like how the refrain seems to begin early -- at least the first time. The break at the end of the refrain is a nice change-up and transition. Repeated phrases in the B sec add urgency. Cool.

Marcey: Very cool vox harmony. Starts with a refrain -- interesting. Good breezy guitar. Cool story; I like how the hello changes to goodbye.

New Result: The somewhat dissonant synth changes are cool. That beat with the`hand claps starting at 3.4 instead of 4.1 is kinda cool. I would have said something different every refrain, but that's just me. I like a minimal message sometimes, but not that minimal.

Wages: This is folk blues in the extreme. The pain of rediscovery and regret drips from your voice. The words are well chosen and evocative. The structure is simple -- just enough to support the story in a unobtrusive way. Inspirational and depressing at the same time.

BTW: Don't use my shitty attitude review style as any kind of template, newbies. When you get an attitude, just stop and say "I'll review the rest later." Like I shoulda done. Disrespect gets ugly fast. Sorry, guys.

[Manhattan Glutton]

I just got slammed!!

I don't want to 'slam' you but consider this a friendly reality check. When you sing off key and you don't take the time to fix it, it's like purposefully offending everyone who takes the time to listen. You can't seriously be angry when someone reviews you with about the same level of effort as you recorded.

[Steve Durand]

Steve Durand: I like the piano chord progression. Nice clarinet. It's interesting that in the 3rd? verse "sweat" doesn't rhyme with "straight", but rhymes with "obsessed" and "guess" in the next verse. By design?

I try to not be too anal about the rhyming structure in a song if it gets in the way of what I want to say. I'll take the rhymes where I can get them.

Thanks for the review.

[Wages]

I'm gonna re-review the last few songs (starting at where I began acting like a Total ass), and actually listen to them this time -- instead of judging the genre -- when I'm not sitting on a 90-degree deck trying to keep the kids from drowning in the creek. The rest of you have to live with what you got yesterday.

Wages: This is folk blues in the extreme. The pain of rediscovery and regret drips from your voice. The words are well chosen and evocative. The structure is simple -- just enough to support the story in a unobtrusive way. Inspirational and depressing at the same time.

BTW: Don't use my shitty attitude review style as any kind of template, newbies. When you get an attitude, just stop and say "I'll review the rest later." Like I shoulda done. Disrespect gets ugly fast. Sorry, guys.

Well played. I appreciate the college level verbiage too.

While I personally really respect your final comments, you really don't have to apologize here. We're lucky to get any kind of reviews, and I've seen many similar reviews as your earlier ones. Just thought I'd whine a little and try to get a few words out of you.

Yes, BLT, the smilies are back!!

[Wages]

I just got slammed!!

I don't want to 'slam' you but consider this a friendly reality check. When you sing off key and you don't take the time to fix it, it's like purposefully offending everyone who takes the time to listen. You can't seriously be angry when someone reviews you with about the same level of effort as you recorded.

I didn't mean to be like a bitching newbie. I had really just drank enough to stir the shit. If I had known the kind of response it was going to get, I probably wouldn't have said anything at all.

I don't know why it is, but when I'm alone, I sing off key, and when I'm with someone else (or a couple of other situations), I nail it (or at least get a bit closer to nailing it).

And because I'm going to stir just a bit more: technically, I did put more effort into recording the song than the reviewer. After all, I did rehearse it about 30+ times before recording 6 takes to get the one I submitted. Nevertheless, I admit that It's my fault that I suck. Could I have put more effort into it? Surely. But as is, I probably should have just uploaded it to my site and posted it directly to the thread rather than the FightMaster. Almost did, but then my compulsive nature got the best of me. And that's the rest of the story.