mr. sandwich

[the idiot king]

mr. sandwich
by the idiot kings

mr. sandwich is making noise at the foot of my bed
my friends and family still insist he's really in my head

is it so hard to believe
that a man made of bread lives in the room where i sleep?

mr. sandwich, i'll confide my secrets in your crust
in a world gone crazy, you're the only one that i trust

is it so hard to believe
that a man made of bread lives in the room where i sleep?
is it so hard to believe?

is it so hard to believe?

[TVsKyle]

Mr Sandwich by TV's Kyle

Hello I am a sandwich and I want you to eat me.
And chew me discreetly.
And swallow completely.

Hello I am a sandwich and I'm delicioso.
I want you to know so.
And bring your teeth close-o.

My purpose is to be eaten by you.
I want to nourish your body. Please do.

I'm made of ham.
Yes sir I am.
Mr Sandwich is my name.
Eat me anyway.

Hello I am a sandwich and they made me on white bread.
Shove me into your head
And you will be well fed.

Oh, hi there. I'm a sandwich and I'm slathered with mayo.
I don't have all day-o.
Please pack me away-o.

I'm made completely of sweet nutrients.
It's opportunity. It just makes sense.

I'm made of ham.
Yes sir I am.
Mr Sandwich is my name.
Eat me anyway.

I only want to be eaten by you.
I have a death wish. You'll make it come true.

I'm made of ham.
Yes sir I am.
Mr Sandwich is my name.
Eat me anyway.

[The Weakest Suit]

Song Fight Song 027
Mr. Sandwich

You always smell a lot like Paper-Mache; you’re covered in strips of magazines
With a campus so big, and this black hole of id, it’s a wonder we ever did meet
Now I’ve held your hand, and I’ve held your can, and I’ve held a couple of other things
And I’ve met your friends, and I’ve met their friends, and I know what your friends think of me
And they’ve all heard the stories of my life at the dorm
From what I’ve heard, they’re not very well informed
But there are some people who really know me, and they’re who I’d like you to meet
They’ve all been good friends; they’ve been like a reprise, they help me out whenever I’m in need

So say hello to Mr. Sandwich, Mr. Movie Ticket, and Mr. Dorm Room Key
Mr. Various-Substances-I’d-Get-Arrested-For-Possessing-So-Don’t-You-Go-Telling-On-Me
Now it’s you, and me, Mr. Stereo can’t see, and Mr. Futon won’t say a thing
And Mr. Candlelight, well, he isn’t too bright; and I think that’s everybody
Except for old Mr. Condom who lives in the drawer,
He talks a big game, but he’s really just a big old bore
You know he’d get between us, he’s just a conceit; you two don’t ever have to meet
And my dear, you see, there’s one more invitee, I think you know who I mean
So are you ready to meet, are you ready to treat; are you ready to know what I mean

© 2008 Weakest Suit Songs

[Wages]

I'm not writing music for this, but here it is for the enjoyment of all:

Mr. Sandwich

VERSE ONE
So, Johnny came by this afternoon
he had something to show and share
we walked to the back room
and he pulled out a tiny little square

He asked if I want to go for a ride
I thought for a moment, and decided to go
he gave me the innocent little trip
but how far, there was no way to know

Back into the kitchen,
to finish making lunch
as I spread the Mayo,
things began to launch

I placed the piece of bread
on top and turned to grab a beer
when I heard a voice call out
"hey you, down here"

CHORUS
"you can't eat me,
I live and I breath,
I am Mr. Sandwich, hold your disbelief,
I've got comic relief,
spinach in my teeth,
I am Mr. Sandwich, an edible freak"

VERSE TWO
armed with my new acquaintance
I decided maybe I wasn't so hungry
so to the living room with my new friend
we'll play some Xbox three sixty

"How the hell am I going to play
I don't have a single opposable digit"
dude, I think I have some carrots
I will fashion you fingers in a minute

"I guess that will work"
so I paused the game
digging through the crisper
I found a talking stain

He said "the carrots all revolted"
and if that is the case
Mr. Sandwich will be pissed
that his fingers were misplaced

CHORUS
"tell me what gives,
how am I going to live,
I am Mr. Sandwich, I will cut you with a shiv
so you had better run,
it's time I had some fun,
I am Mr. Sandwich, be glad you didn't fashion a gun"

BRIDGE
about that time, Johnny faded into the room,
I had forgotten he'd even come by
he's got tentacles growing from his head,
which is where my concern now lies

Between Medusa boy and Mr. Sandwich,
and the fact that it's only been an hour,
I believe this is some damn good shit
and it keeps growing like a twisted flower

CHORUS
"reality is such a rip,
when you are leaving your trip,
I am Mr. Sandwich, and I give you the tip
don't eat and ride,
you'll have a fearful time,
and when it's all over,
I will cease to be a bother,
I am just a Sandwich, eat me, I live no longer"

[g4meboy]

I’m eating this sandwich it tastes oh so great
I just want to cover myself in mayonnaise
It’s packed to the top with ham, turkey, and swiss
I just can’t get enough of this
I want to jump onto the tables and shout

Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich

This submarine is a hogey on rye
It melts in my mouth and I cannot deny
It is my best friend but soon he’ll be gone
Sitting in my stomach it won’t take too long
I want to jump onto the tables and shout

Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich

A footlong loveboat on special today
An affordable price anyone could pay
Cutsey Cupid couldn’t caress my hands away
I’d be content if I died today
I want to jump onto the tables and shout

Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich

Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich
Mr. Sandwich
I love you Mr. Sandwich

[Denyer]

Mr. Sandwich by MC Paul Denyer

Mr. Sandwich was a pauper
Liked to listen to Cyndi Lauper
He'd call you a fag in short order
But he was a dear friend
So we told the reporter that we never could have imagined
Mr. Sandwich took his daughter to the shed
Took his axe and he put a fucking border down her head
Now they're saying Mr. Sandwich probably had a disorder
But I don't know, maybe he just went nuts

Mr. Sandwich
He took his axe and he cut his kid's head in half
Mr. Sandwich
Are you having a laugh?

Mr. Sandwich liked to mow his lawn
Liked to eat corn, watch porn, and he liked Shane Warne
In fact he had such an interest in sports
That Mr. Sandwich considered himself an athletic supporter
And Mr. Sandwich has supporters
Saying that the story's been distorted and contorted
Mr. Sandwich killed a kid with an axe
But whatever's purported is retorted because they know it's not the facts

Mr. Sandwich
He took his axe and he cut his kid's head in half
Mr. Sandwich
Are you having a laugh?

[Duncan, of Level Nivelo]

Mr. Sandwich

Now Mr. Sandwich is making you drool
Kind Mr. Sandwich will never be cruel
Though he is savory, slathered in mayo
No, Mr. Sandwich is nobody's fool

Dear Mr. Sandwich, on bread that is white
Sweet Mr. Sandwich is always polite
Though he is edible, he's not for dinner;
Fuck, Mr. Sandwich will not take your shite.

His filling is meaty, if roast beef or tuna
He seems to resemble a cold cut lacuna
But this is assumed, really nobody knows
Excepting my grandma, who lives in Altoona.

Cher Monsieur Sandwich is trés beaucoup bon
Poor Mr. Sandwich wears too much cologne
He's disappeared, to where I have a hunch
Rest in Peace, Mr. Sandwich; location unknown

[Ross]

Mr. Sandwich
by Ross Durand

Mr. Sandwich is the first one home
Sits down at his table all alone
Unrolls the paper, takes a bite
Eats the same thing night after night

And later upstairs, miss dancer comes in
Turns it up and gives her skirt a spin
She always dances alone I guess that alright
Same thing night after night

CHORUS:
I only see if from the street,
sometimes it’s not so clear,
A world somewhat incomplete
But that’s my view from here

Well the Mr and Mrs on the third floor
Are fighting again - I don’t know what for
They close the shades to block out the light
And yet they do it night after night

Mr. Tweezers and Gel is going out again
He takes em out but they never come in
I don’t get it, he looks alright
Same thing night after night

CHORUS

Mr. Whiskey didn’t wake up today
and deep down I guess I hope he’s okay
I match him drink for drink, if that’s alright
It keeps me warm at night

Mr Sandwich - comes in the door
And I’m not alone anymore
Night after night - the days all blend
It’s just me and mr sandwich again
It’s just me and mr sandwich again

[Lord of Oats]

Commissioned by the Earl of Sandwich
He wanted a food he could eat with just one hand, which
Was because he got hungry while he was playing cards
Oh, I love you, Mr. Sandwich, Whether you're cold or whether you're charred

Mr. Sandwich, how I love thee
I know that you will never abandon me
But how hard are those long, cold nights without you?
Mr. Sandwich, oh, the things you do

Mr. Sandwich, you've got style
The myriad of flavors that you bring always makes me smile
You know, Mr. Sandwich, you never let me down
You've got to be the greatest food around

A sandwich here, a sandwich there
I'll eat a sandwich anywhere
A sandwich for me, a sandwich for you
Sandwiches for my entire crew

Mr. Sandwich, you taste so good
Some say that you're unhealthy, but you're just misunderstood
I can have you on whole-grain wheat
With nutritious vegetables and low-fat meat

Mr. Sandwich, you've got it going on
You just taste so right, I know you can't be wrong
You ask: Why on Earth would I personify a food?
Cause it cheers me up like a friend when I'm in a bad mood

It's sandwich time, around the world
Sandwiches for all the boys and girls
It's sandwich time, for you and me
It's a food on which we can all agree

A sandwich is great, cause you can make it your own
You can eat with friends or when you're all alone
There are so many things you can top it with
"What'd you put on your sandwich?" I plead the fifth
First off, you've got to choose the bread
So many choices floating around inside your head
You've got white or wheat or even rye
They're all so good, you just can't deny
But then there's pumpernickel too, and the stuff with oat bran
Flatbreads native to Turkey and Iran
Focaccia or ciabatta, croissant or baguette
Put it on some Belgian waffles, but don't forget
You've got to fill it with meats and cheeses
Or you'll get protein deficiency-related diseases
Ham, turkey, roast beef, pepperoni, and salami
Corned beef, chicken, tuna, and pastrami
Provolone, jack, havarti or cheddar
Cause cheese makes the greatest sandwich even better
American, muenster, or camembert
Goat cheese or brie or Swiss gruyère
But hold up for a minute, doggone it
Aren't you gonna put some vegetables on it?
Like lettuce and some pickles, tomato and some onion
Olives or peppers, but hold a sec you ain't done
You need some condiments, or a little bit of dressing
You get it right, it seems like a divine blessing
Mayo or mustard if you want to be ordinary
Maybe something with dairy, flavored with a cherry
Get crazy, it's your sandwich, fool
Oil and vinegar, you can keep it old school
Horseradish, or barbecue sauce
You can keep it plain, but it'll be your loss
Make a sandwich according to your plan
Cause the measure of a sandwich is the measure of a man

A grilled cheese, or a hot, pressed cuban
Peanut butter and jelly, or a reuben
The institution that will never fall
Liberty, justice, and sandwiches for all