How I Raised My Kids (Shut up and Sit Down Reviews)

[j$]

AKA 'You didn't say Simon Says ...'

[bz£]

Secret bonus charcoal shut up sit down remix

It is two seconds shorter than the original so you are likely to hate it approximately 0.131% less than the songfight! version.

[reve]

You know, I’d just like to take a moment to tell y’all how much I love being in fights where Bortwein does the art. I feel as if maybe -- just maybe -- I can absorb some of his greatness and talent through osmosis.

Charcoal
This is very dissonant and creepy, and I wish you’d pumped the lyrics a little louder because it’s a very well done and intriguing take on the topic. The vaccuum cleaner doesn’t scare my cat. I dunno what’s wrong with her.

Deshead

think my Shut Up and Sit Down made it on time. It's not country-tinged

I dunno dude, I think it’s got a tinge of country. A hair and a tickle’s worth. Another great track from you, sigh. I like the tack-piano type thing, particularly. So like, do you a) do this music thing for a living, b) practice a lot in your free time, or c) just have the mad skillz?

Eddiebangs
Damn. I wish I had asked Eddie to sing _my_ metal song this week. You actually rock, whereas I am a poseur. Do you use real amplifiers, Eddie, or like boxes or software?

Historyman
hm, this is simply fantastic. The lyrics are great, the vocal performance and harmonies are spot on. Likewise, I love the instrumentation. The only thing I would change is the piano hook in the verse... into a bass. But when listening to a song this good, I’m really not qualified to speak.

j$
Dude! You went even more newwavish this week! I love it!!!

rilladope
Yesss!!! I think everyone should do a rap track. Actually. Y’know, sonically and flow-wise, this could have been a hit in the 80s.

r. mosquito
That would be me. I’ll stop genre-hopping and go back to my synthpop corner next week. Honest.

rogueretard
If the lyrics were a little more... fleshed out, this would have won for me this week. So, in summary, I love the music.

Short reviews again this week, sorry. If you actually care what I have to say, I'd be happy to elaborate.

[bz£]

charcoal. I don't know what to call many of these chords. Also I think maybe the secret bonus version might sound better, or at least, less dissonant, if you like that sort of thing.

deshead. Very slick. Your voice sounds fake in the verses, especially, as if you're trying to sound like you've spent too many years drinking scotch and smoking cheap cigars. Maybe you actually do sound like that but I'm inclined to doubt it.

eddie bangs. Sounds like metal, which is the extent to which I feel qualified to commentate. That's actually a good thing because if I had to do a blind taste test where I had to pick between this and some commercially successful metal bands, I'd be unable. I like the slow-down-speed-up thingie at the end.

noah historyman. Awesome, and I bet this is the kind of thing that grows on people over time. Feels like it's barely holding together, but it is, which is neat and hard to do. This is shaping up to be a nice fight.

j-string. I don't like the way you growl out the verses, though I suppose it is nice to have some contrast between different parts of the song.

rilladope. Voice is all muted, cheap microphone? It needs more high-end so that it will stand out and be easier to understand. Super old-school. As rap goes this is better than most typical rap songfight entries.

arrrr. mosquito. Caravan Ray's imaginary tattooed pirate captains would all love to say the name of your band. They probably wouldn't like this song though because it is pretty far away from being a sea shanty about drinking grog and pillaging. Also it is too trebley. Distorted guitars, distorted voice, and the only drums I can hear might well be distorted too, and so it all ends up mushed together. If there is stuff like a bass guitar I sure can't tell.

rogue retard. Cute but not engaging, because the voices are just another noise.

Nice little fight, something different in every song and so I can't even begin to guess who I'll vote for if I remember to vote. Y'all should shut up and sit down and listen to it because it will be twenty minutes well spent.

[EightLeggedOedipus]

Charcoal
--- Everything is out of tune. ---
/// Except the drums. Which are the same MIDI drums as everyone else. And they're unpitched because they're drums.///
+++ I like the general arrangement. I agree with Reve's statement. +++

Deshead
+++ Yeah, man. You're awesome. +++
/// Your chorus sounds like last week's. Maybe it's just the voice ///
--- Your chord progressions are 'right' but seem a little predictable. ---

Eddie Bangs
--- Those drums are not working for everything else. ---
+++ The whole thing is very singable (catchy) while still being hard and aggressive. +++
/// The vocal recording isn't too distracting, but it brings down the whole production sound another notch after the drum sounds. You probably need to mix the vocal effect on the chorus at 50% dryer, or even better do another clean take on top of that, and probably gvie it some air (a boost in the high frequencies). ///

Noah Chevalier
+++ This is a pretty little pop song, with nice sparce piano +++
--- That percussion is off beat in the first verse. Pitch issues ---
/// Your two vocal takes don't harmonize. You need to pick a note and stick with it. It doesn't ruin the track, but it sounds demo-ey ///

Johnny Cashpoint
+++ I am gettingused to your singing, like they said . I liked the lyrics when I read them +++
--- Some critical timing delivery errors in the last chorus especially ---

Rilla Dope
--- Cheesiest beat so far. Cheesy rap, you ain't all that ---
/// Your cadence is so 1983, but it's on beat. ///
+++ Samples seem to work here +++

R Mosquito
+++ Wow, this is kickin' ass. Ministry in the 'Psalm 69' Era +++
/// Vocals so far are distant, but not bad. The distortion is necessary for you ///
--- OK, kind of repetitive now. Short though ---

Rogue Retard
+++ Once again, this is an awesome track +++
--- But the fake (?) retard vocals ruin it ---
/// Ok it's a lot better when they get distorted. Right length for this kind of crap.///

[Adam!]

I did a song for this fight, but I only gave myself about 2 hours on Sunday night to do it. I didn't like the rushed vocals, so after some debate I decided not to submit it. After listening again today I've realized that I should have sent it in: I've got worse vocal performances in the SF archives. Anyway, props go to 15-16 Puzzle for inspiration.

Puce - Shut Up and Sit Down

Reviews would be greatly appreciated.

[Andy Balham]

Power cut at Clapham Junction = late night in the office = reviews from Balham…

Charcoal
Interesting cacophony going on here. The tuning has been alluded to already, but I’m finding only slightly irritating. The guitar lick is a little repetitive, it would have been nice for it to go somewhere. The overall feel has a rather charming shambolic feel to it.

Deshead
Lovely guitar tone and playing as always. I like the vocal style and the instrumentation is building well. The title has been worked in well and good work on the solo. Sounds a lot longer than it’s two and a half minutes and that’s a good sign. Early, but this sounds like a contender.

Eddiebangs
Rather generic metal sound going on here. You seem to stumble over some of the words in the first verse. Interesting little stutter before the, as usual, very competent solo. Not a bad listen, just nothing really grabbing me here.

Historyman
This is passing pleasantly enough. The harmonies on the chorus could be a little sweeter, but that’s pretty picky. I like the breakdown and it reminds me of the opening track of Buena Vista Social Club. It’s the words of Jazz Club, nice.

Johnny Cashpoint
The backing is reminding me of a Sisters of Mercy track, but I can’t put my finger on it. Interesting use of ‘smile into a frown’, ‘furry cup’ and stage persona self-references. Enjoyable sort of punk electronica.

Rilla Dope
You pull off the old skool style well. The backing is from way back – is that synth from ‘Axel F’? It does seem to drag on subsequent listens, but the first time’s a charm.

Puce (first time listen)
Now I can identify with this sentiment. I’ve actually seen someone dial out from a cinema. Thank god the movie was terrible. Nice and basic with good harmonies.

R. Mosquito
I suspect the vocals are deliberately unintelligible. The whole things has a certain Dead Kennedys feel to it. I think there should have been more shouty stuff in this fight.

Rogue Retard
Hmm… are you acting the fool or is it natural?

My top three:
3. R. Mosquito
2. Johnny Cashpoint
1. Deshead

[DELETED]

DELETED

[Edge of LA]

Charcoal
is this supposed to be out of tune? Structure sounds okay. Vocals could be brought up in the mix. Okay, gets repetitive.

Deshead
Trying something different with your voice this week? While bzl said your vocals sound "fake" in the verses, I hear it more as "forced". The concentration and effort put into making your voice sound "that way" takes away from any true passion you have for the song. The choruses show it, and I like the way you belt out the ending. Again, everything else seemed to be right in place for another great song.

Eddiebangs
I'm glad you allowed us WMP folks the opportunity to listen to your stuff. When I clicked on your link to the prior submissions, my jaw dropped at the professional production. You guys rawk pretty hard. Good stuff here.

Historyman
Who is Noah? This a good song also. I like the tropical/latin rhythm (is that called "calypso"?). Is that a left-handed or right handed triangle? hehe I like the vocal blending, though not totally in tune. HAHA about hemlock.

Johnny Cashpoint
What are you doing with your raspy low voice? Are you trying to sound like a pirate? A fun song.

Rilla Dope
hmmm... 80s rap as Andy said. The "chorus" could have been separated from the rest of the rap with a chord thrown in, and maybe a quick rhthm change.

Puce
Very 15-16 as you said. You definitely should have submitted this one. Great composition. I'm gonna assume your Canadian by the way you say "Out" "ohwt" hehe. You should submit a Terrence and Phillip song for South Park!

R. Mosquito
Would be nice to hear the vocals better. The snare and cymbals sound a little too tinny/treble-y

Rogue Retard
more vocals in the mix, please. Very bass-heavy.... It probably would be better if you found a level between what you have here and what R. Mosquito has.

That's all I got. Oh, who am I gonna vote for? Des, History, Eddie?

[j$]

Charcoal - sounds like a guitar version of Heuristics Inc. I wonder if it would sound better with the drum machine turned off - more trippy and scary?

Deshead - yes. You sing deep like a more gentle sounding Tom Waits, which is maybe missing the point? Everything is in place. Nicely done. But not for me, I'm afraid (though I do like the arrival of the backing vox - nice contrast). Too smooth at the edges to be a redemption song. Too interesting and complex to be radio fodder. Erm ....

Eddiebangs - and so does my head - hey it works in WMP - bless you. For that alone I might vote for you. And the song is a cracker too! Love the pause after the chorus straight into solo - no time wasting for you There is not a lot of metal in my collection, and knowing it's about your kids makes it not seem quite so scary (heh) but it kicks ass. It'll take a lot to beat that in my book ...

Noah Historyman - Oh god, this is great too! Clumsy woodblocking could be corrected. Mix is great. There's a nice French, or maybe slow samba, swing to this - some of the melody is kinda familiar but I'm not going to pick holes in a cute song like this. I like 'ah-ah-ahhhh' very much. The backing vocs on the chorus should be re-recorded - everywhere else is fine. Should have ended on 'worth living' at 2.30 maybe, but the last piano chord makes up for it. CONTENDER.

johnny cashpoint is me.

Rilla Dope - Hmmmm Morris & the Minors, anyone? Cute and reasonably done. The slightly shite production actually adds to it (like the flangeyness on the vocal, the overbassiness) - I don't think I could bear an album of this, but it's very well done, and it makes me smile. If i was very drunk, I might even do the patented Johnny Cashpoint Groin-Shuffle to it in a club. But that's another story ....

R Mosquito - Nice guitar riff! The vocals could stand to be louder - not so the words could be made out - just so their prescence could be felt. I like the flatulent little guitar solo a lot. Erm, 'sound and fury signifying nothing'?

Rogue Retard - it's the law of diminishing returns I'm afraid. Once again I find the music incredibly impressive and the point of the mong voice completely undiscoverable. HNI:Dan did a mong song for SF once. It was funny. Then he moved on. (although through the 'amp' filter you just sound like one of the Angry Somoana, so that's an improvement!)

Puce - I find this 15-16 Puzzle-esque in structure and overall impression. He likes to whine about every little thing as well Vocal could be louder. The level of your anger should be spent on a more deserving subject.

It can only be Historyman 68.

[j$]

Johnny Cashpoint
What are you doing with your raspy low voice? Are you trying to sound like a pirate?

Everybody's doing it, it's all the rage!

No, actually the raspy voice you hear is the sound of my evil twin, Johnny Thrashpoint, who was mighty pissed off that someone dared use his name in vain in a fight last week. The high-pitched girly harmonies (although when they're not proper harmonies, one should call them counter-point I guess) is all me

J$

[historyman68]

It can only be Historyman 68.

HOORAY!!!

[bz£]

Deshead
Trying something different with your voice this week? While bzl said your vocals sound "fake" in the verses, I hear it more as "forced".

Yah, that's probably a better way of saying what I was thinking as well. It just doesn't sound natural.

Charcoal - sounds like a guitar version of Heuristics Inc. I wonder if it would sound better with the drum machine turned off - more trippy and scary?

It kind of does sound better; see the bonus version that I am compulsively plugging for no good reason, and the HInc comparison makes some sense, at least sonically. A lot of the same sort of spooky sounds and similar atmosphere. I get a lot of ribbing for being out of tune, and while it's true that I sing way out of tune, some of it comes from regularly using chords like A-B-C-C#-D-E-F. I honestly do tune my guitars carefully.

[reve]

Puce

Dude this a) rocks and b) is really quite funny. I woulda voted for you, easy. I don't think you have anything to worry about with your vocal performance at all.

Then again, my judgement on what constitutes an acceptable vocal delivery should probably be taken with a grain of salt or two. :p

[Adam!]

Reviewzors. Points are in red and they don’t mean a thing.

Charcoal: It sounds like a song I made when I tried not to use any major* chords. I think you should invest in a noise gate. The flanger in the right speaker is a very nice touch. The vocals are good but buried; I think if you had mixed them louder it would give the listener something to hold onto. The distorted guitar is a nice interlude. Because of the plodding tempo and the [musically] repetitive verses this song gets a little dull, but between the novel flanger and synth and the short running time I’ll let it slide. That last chord sounds nice. The whole mix is very very very very muddy. I find that a challenging song needs really clean production to sell it. Because of the mix it is hard to distinguish all the parts. The tone of that bass is very boxy, like it has a big 400hz boost. I’d scoop the hell out of that bass and high-pass the guitar. I’d also give that guitar a generous 3khz boost and use a noise gate liberally. The vocals could come way up and use some compression to level them out. 605

*it just took 10 minutes of googling to find out what they were called


Deshead: Sweet freaking acoustic. The drums sound very pro, but I wouldn’t mind hearing some compression on that snare: in places it is inaudible, yet in others it leaps up quite loud. I’m instantly repulsed by the vocals; my first instinct was to get you a Fisherman’s Friend. Despite their overt raspiness, your intonation is flawless, with some well placed vibrato. The verse guitar riff is a real ear grabbers. Reminds me of Leo Kottke. I’d love a louder kick drum. The song probably sounds like exactly what you were going for, so there’s not much left to criticize. 90->10


Eddiebangs: Rock! The mix sounds odd. The guitar tracks mess with the stereo field, like they are in mono (or have their phase inverted) while the rest of the song is in stereo. I wish that guitar had more searing treble; the muddiness makes me feel like I have socks on my ears. The drumming is great, but the drums sound a little naked above 1.5khz; I guess that’s because other than the vocals that’s all I can hear up there. There are some great double-kicks and things in there, but I’m afraid that I can’t hear a lot of them. The solo sounds more than great. That dive bomb at the end is a real treat. I get the idea that your guitar is much better than mine: yours comes back right in tune; mine would come back 2 and a half semitones out of tune. Ω


Historyman: Unexpectedly accessible. It’s refreshing hearing all of these treble sounds after Eddie’s mudfest. The vocals are good, especially the multitracked parts. The BVSC part screams “Vote For Me”. I’d highpass those vocals around 190hz. This is another time I’d recommend investing in a gate. Very enjoyable. 8b


Johnny Cashpoint: Vocals are scary in places. The highest-pitch vocals sound really good. I wish the vocals where multitracked tighter. There is some really great instrumentation here, especially the noises that comes in around 0:24 and 0:28. Good breakbeat sequencing. One of the catchier Cashpoint songs. Nice bridge. Ending feels a little awkward. Thirteenny-two


Moi: Quick song that I second guessed (and then third guessed). I was in a theater and the guy beside me started getting very loud and angry at the man in front of him because he had been talking. I thought it was funny because when the guy beside me yelled out “Excuse me! Some of us are trying to hear the movie!” he was about 50 times more irritating and disruptive then the man he was getting mad at. I like the monologue, and that the guy gets told off in the end, which didn’t happen in real life. I’ve been listening to a lot of 15-16 Puzzle, and structurally this rips off about 3 of his songs put together. Pie-eyed Pi R Squared

Puce - The level of your anger should be spent on a more deserving subject.

I’m curious, what does this mean?


Rilladope: There is some very painful breaking of the rhyme scheme here, like “Abraham Lincoln wouldn’t give us away”, “inside of a bottle” and “filling my lungs”. I wish the rap was tighter in places. I tend to only enjoy rap like this when it’s less serious. This song is a “five minute mile”. Why the Bin Laden references? That bassline is so, so, so repetitive. Correction: it’s all repetitive. 3


Rmosquito: Reve, you might be one of the most versatile songfighters. Fun song, but this mix is biting my ears off. I hope you didn’t put to much work into the lyrics, because the vocals are completely buried. The drums are the weakest part of this song. Perfect length. The whole thing sounds a tiny bit like March of the Pigs, by NIN. That chorus is money. Perfect length. I’d double track that guitar and pan one take hard left and the other one hard right, and then give the whole thing a large-ish boost at 240hz. This song is almost awesome. ♪♫♪♪♫


Rouge Retard: Music is great. I like the 8-bit sounding lead instrument. But the vocals make me feel like I’m being jerked around. This probably sounds exactly like you wanted it to, so I’ll hold my criticisms. گعش٣


I think it’s gonna be Historyman

[historyman68]

Historyman: ... The BVSC part screams “Vote For Me”. I’d highpass those vocals around 190hz. This is another time I’d recommend investing in a gate. Very enjoyable. 8b

Thanks. What's BVSC? oh. Okay. Gotcha, nevermind.
I did some EQing on all the tracks, but I'll try your suggestion next time.

Also, is your avatar from Sexylosers? If it was, I'd give you, like 16b points!

[Adam!]

Also, is your avatar from Sexylosers?

'Tis, but I Puced it up a bit. I like how Shiunji is looking suspiciously at the contents of my post.

Is your sig (Humbert Humbert) from a Nabokov novel? *Checks memberlist* Oh. Okay. Gotcha, nevermind.

[HeuristicsInc]

the HInc comparison makes some sense, at least sonically. A lot of the same sort of spooky sounds and similar atmosphere.

Huh, well, I was not in the office much today, so I didn't get to listen to the songs, but on reading this I listened to this one right away. Not sure if it really sounds like me, unless they're saying your "out-of-tune" reminds them of me
I guess some stuff here might be reminiscent, but he plays a much better guitar than I do.
But I like it, actually. The guitar sounds kinda weird. If I remixed this, would it sound more like me ?
-bill

[j$]

Puce - The level of your anger should be spent on a more deserving subject.

I’m curious, what does this mean?

What it says - don't waste that much anger on something that it is little more than an irritation. And then try and say 'well it was all a joke anyhow' (as in 'Where are you going?' line). Get angry about something that is bad enough to deserve some wroth. This is the aural equivalent of an old man shaking his stick at kids in the park.

j$

[j$]

the HInc comparison makes some sense, at least sonically. A lot of the same sort of spooky sounds and similar atmosphere.

Not sure if it really sounds like me, unless they're saying your "out-of-tune" reminds them of me -bill

Bill, the original reference was this sounds like Hinc with guitars instead of keyboards ... imagine the same chords banged out on the keyboard, the feedback/noise elements turned into Mulched swells 'n'swirls and then the same spooky, verbed up vocals. Et Voila le broth du Hinc!

j$

[bz£]

Not sure if it really sounds like me, unless they're saying your "out-of-tune" reminds them of me -bill

Bill, the original reference was this sounds like Hinc with guitars instead of keyboards ... imagine the same chords banged out on the keyboard, the feedback/noise elements turned into Mulched swells 'n'swirls and then the same spooky, verbed up vocals. Et Voila le broth du Hinc!

Only more in-tune-ly! If you think I'm a good guitarist, well, I tried to run audio-mulch again tonight and got nowhere except confused, so there! Actually my own feelings are probably not that this particular song is Hinky so much as there's some similar mind-set with your stuff. Like I can relate (empathise?) better with your music than most other songfight stuff. It's vague, I guess.

[deshead]

I’m instantly repulsed by the vocals

Heh, not exactly the reaction I hoped for when I wrote the song

Deshead
Trying something different with your voice this week? While bzl said your vocals sound "fake" in the verses, I hear it more as "forced".

Yah, that's probably a better way of saying what I was thinking as well. It just doesn't sound natural.

Do you guys mean the whole verse, or just the "you fool" before the chorus? (And thanks for the feedback either way!)