Fighter, With Children

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Fighter, With Children

Postby mkilly » Wed Oct 20, 2004 1:36 am

How many SongFighters have kids? I can think of JoS, Spud, Starf, Blue kind of, Poncho's dad... Anyway, not to get stupid and mushy, but what do those of youse guys think about parenthood, and your kids, and all that shit? I don't think I'd like children, but who knows if I'll keep that sentiment in twenty, ten, five, two years.
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Postby starfinger » Wed Oct 20, 2004 7:32 am

best thing ever.

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Postby Sober » Wed Oct 20, 2004 8:32 am

I might have a couple wandering around....

:evil:
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Postby Jim of Seattle » Wed Oct 20, 2004 8:56 am

tviyh has at least one.

Agreed. Best thing ever.

Here's the deal. First off, under normal circumstances you get nine months to get used to the idea of being a parent. Which seems to be just about the right amount of time. So by the time the day arrives, you're ready. Then, you don't give birth to a screaming 2-year-old that you have to negotiate with. You get basically a sack of potatoes that you have to feed. It's hard in terms of your schedule and stuff, but it's not hard "parenting". There's really nothing to it for the first few months. Then all the other stages the kid goes through are presented to you in a clean, serial fashion, and none of them lasts more than a few months. Then, by the time they've become actual people, say age 3-4 or so, you're so used to each other that it's become completely natural.

Seriously, I've been amazed at the natural feel of the whole parenting thing. The single scariest parenting moment for me was about a week after we learned we were pregnant. No actual parenting experience has come close to matching that initial fear.

The old cliche about "it's different when they're your own" is so true. Not liking kids means nothing. You would like your own kids. Guaranteed. And you still won't like a lot of other kids that aren't your own.

I always felt uncomfortable around kids until I had one. Now I realize that I still feel uncomfortable around any kid that is older than my kid, because I haven't had experience parenting a kid that age. It's weird.

But of course, mine's only 8 still, and I only have one.
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Postby Hoblit » Wed Oct 20, 2004 10:16 am

The Sober Irishman wrote:I might have a couple wandering around....

:evil:


I in fact do... She was born as Amberlynn Dawn Sinclair

It was a beautiful time in my life and I regret screwing it all up royally. It took both parents to screw up the relationship as thoroughly as we did but it was mostly my fault. Needless to say, I don't see her anymore and have no contact with her at all. Assuming everything in her and her mother's life has gone well, she's 10 years old now.

All drama aside though... I didn't fear parenthood at all. The first time she got pregnant got us over that hump I suppose. (Miscarraige) The second time we both embraced it. I came home from work one day and there was a couple of pamplets on the table along with a pair of yellow knited baby socks. About the time it sank in my girlfriend appeared in the hallway out of the kitchen. It was an amazing feeling as we embraced. I'll never forget that moment.

Anyways, before I get all mushy..I did get to spend a year and a half with my daughter and it was hard. I had to work two jobs to make ends meet and hardly ever got to spend time with my family. I had to balance my band with that also and I was a complete little prick back then. I was mixed up and I loved every moment with my child...but I was still too busy trying to do my own thing. I guess I wasn't ready to compromise my life for hers although, I know I should have.

She is in every one of my passwords.
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Postby Leaf » Wed Oct 20, 2004 11:18 am

I love my daughter more than anything else. Being a parent is tough, especially in our current culture that seems to value everything but parenthood.
I have two kids, a son from my wife's previous relationship that is 12, and my daughter just turned 8.

Cliche that holds true: they get old fast. It's amazing how your little baby is suddenly ... not.


Hoblit: call that girl man!!!! Who cares about the missed time.... the only time that matters is the time right now and from today. She'll appreciate anything you can give in time, conversation or whatever more than nothing!!

Obviously you love her... but enough of my meddling.


I have sacrificed my musical fantasies, and band opportunites, and tour opportunites so I could be with my kids consistently. And sometimes, I 've honestly regretted it... dreams are powerful afterall! But when ever I get home and see them at the end of the day, I feel like a dick for regretting the commitements... cause touring wiht a band, playing shows, they are fun but transient things. Family is permenent and forever, and truely rewarding in ways that only make sense when you're in the process....

You learn from your kids more than they probably learn from you!! (if you're open to it...)

ok, enough rambling... back to work!!
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Postby thehipcola » Wed Oct 20, 2004 11:50 am

I have one on the way. I'm unbelievably excited! We suffered a miscarriage a year ago and that was a brutally traumatic event, as there were some medical complications. Up until that point I had been a little excited, but mostly nervous..was I ready? Could I handle the sacrifice? ON and on. Then we miscarried, and that really put my head on straight. At that point, I yearned to have a child. I hadn't realized it, but I'd been preparing for it for some time. To have it denied me was the worst experience.

Now everything is place, all signs are positive. I am so ready to devote my life to my child, it's kind of scary. I know it'll be tough at times, but you know what?...

Bring it on. I'm bigger than that. I want the kind of joy that only my parents know, for myself.

tickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickticktickti

3 months to go....

:D :) :D :) :D :) :lol:
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Postby mkilly » Wed Oct 20, 2004 12:23 pm

Peaks In Valleys wrote:3 months to go....


congrats. I hope for the best.
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But they do grow up too quickly

Postby erik » Wed Oct 20, 2004 12:44 pm

Leaf wrote:Cliche that holds true: they get old fast.


hahhahahha

Children are the new trucker hats. I mean, they are so five minutes ago.
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Postby c hack » Wed Oct 20, 2004 12:56 pm

Hoblit wrote:She is in every one of my passwords.


[Jeff Foxworthy]
You might be a geek if...
[/Jeff Foxworthy]

;)
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Postby thehipcola » Wed Oct 20, 2004 1:14 pm

MK:

Thanks for the well wishes...and I you. You'll get there...it's pretty natural for most people to start thinking about children at some point...later for some than others, but most get there. And if not, that's alright too.

Great thread!
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Postby Jim of Seattle » Wed Oct 20, 2004 1:15 pm

To take the mushiness to a new level, Songfight has been the best thing for my balance of the music thang with the parenting thang. As some of you know, I wrote for theatre before my Songfight days, but it was so time-consuming that I gave it up for family, regretting that sacrifice sometimes. Songfight lets me get my music fix without spending tons of time away from home. The only reason I don't fight more is the family. But I get to keep my hands in at least a little bit.

And Hoblit, I second the motion. Talk to that girl, fercryinoutloud. Sure it might be uncomfortable, awkward, scary, but someday you're both going to be glad the effort was made.
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Postby mkilly » Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:12 pm

yeah... I dunno, hoblit, you know you and I have friction sometimes and I don't really want to meddle but maybe it would be for the best. She's probably not local, given when you moved to Florida, but maybe she could be the woman in your life given your bad luck getting one otherwise. You could try and save up some money and fly out to see her for a weekend or a holiday, or try sending her some letters about what you're doing and asking what she's up to, or that and a Christmas present.

just some ideas... I don't mean to offend or anything.
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Postby jimtyrrell » Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:52 pm

<a href="http://www.jimtyrrell.net/img/jimt_theboys.jpg">My boys.</a>
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Postby j$ » Wed Oct 20, 2004 4:00 pm

Cute kids, Jim!
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Re: Fighter, With Children

Postby Caravan Ray » Wed Oct 20, 2004 5:13 pm

mkilly wrote:How many SongFighters have kids? I can think of JoS, Spud, Starf, Blue kind of, Poncho's dad... Anyway, not to get stupid and mushy, but what do those of youse guys think about parenthood, and your kids, and all that shit? I don't think I'd like children, but who knows if I'll keep that sentiment in twenty, ten, five, two years.


I have never really liked children. I find them noisy, messy and irritating. However, the birth of my daughter Harriet in June this year is easily the highlight of my life so far.

As a new parent, what I have noticed it that having a child changes your life profoundly - things will never be the same again. Your priorities change, your routine changes, every little aspect of life suddenly revoles around somebody else - not yourself. 6 months ago, I was absolutely terrified - I didn't know if I wanted such drastic changes or if I was mature enough to handle the situation. Weird thing is - as of June 17, everything changed and I'm loving every minute of it.

Being a parent probably isn't for everyone. Others may prefer to devote themselves to their work, their music, themselves, whatever - that's cool. A lot of people may not have the opportunity to become parents - that's cool too - it's not the be-all-and-end-all of everything. Anyway, I've made my choice and I'm pretty comfortable with it.

I still find other peoples children noisy, messy and irritating (although I'm definately starting to mellow here) - but my child is just perfect...


To JoS:
Amen on the Songfight comments. I used to love playing live at songwriters nights and music clubs etc. - but nowdays I don't get to hang out at pubs till all hours of the night. Songfight has been a God-send.

To PinV:
Good luck mate, I hope it all goes well. I think I know where you're coming from, my wife and I have also had a very difficult time over the past several years - it's an experience I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Anyway, we had a happy ending - I'm sure you will too.
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Postby thehipcola » Thu Oct 21, 2004 2:57 am

Thanks Caravan Ray, and congrats on your new bundle o' joy!
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Postby roymond » Thu Oct 21, 2004 5:19 am

The extremes of life are pushed with the whole kid experience. From the emergency c-section to a four year old reproducing a song word for word after hearing it only once. From autism spectrum discorders to the fine details of stream locamotives. From gluten and milk allergies to fine dark chocolates.

For 38 years I never ever dreamed I'd have kids. Didn't have any real experience with them other than teach music to Lebonese refugees in the 80s. That experience gave me some insight to how cool they are, but it still didn't change my feelings about having them. My wife did that, frankly, but not in a threatening way. It turns out she saw life from a different angle than I, and at some point I figured out that it might be worth it to gain a new perspective.

It is worth it. Go figure. They're great. But projectile vomiting is not great.
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Postby Niveous » Thu Oct 21, 2004 9:16 am

Best thing ever.

I've got myself a pair of 'em. A 5 year old and a 3 year old (with the same birthday). My kinderlings are my greatest joy. Any day where life is bringing down, work has stressed me out, and it feels too dark outside; I come home and see my sons and everything is great again.
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Re: But they do grow up too quickly

Postby Leaf » Thu Oct 21, 2004 11:40 am

15-16 puzzle wrote:
Leaf wrote:Cliche that holds true: they get old fast.


hahhahahha

Children are the new trucker hats. I mean, they are so five minutes ago.




HAHAHA!!!


Fuck, I didn't even see it that way!!

Burned.....
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Postby Hoblit » Thu Oct 21, 2004 1:04 pm

I thank you all for your levels of concern. I do appreciate the thoughts. I was still seeing Amber 6 months after the breakup. She stayed with me every saturday night and I would return her to her mother the next day. However, her mother cut me off completely at one point. Stopped answering my calls ... citing bad father flags. I had quit doing any drugs and wasn't even DRINKING since the break up. I was trying very hard to make things right. (way too late however) I had two jobs and was buying her clothes and generally trying really hard. After the break-up she was living way north of the city and so I got a job out there just to make lives easier. But again, all of it was to no avail.

Since I had a checkered past and had been a complete mess (and not very rich) I didn't have much of a chance in any court. Nor did I want to subject her to all the bickerilng and confustion she would have been exposed to. I just had to bite the bullet... accept the consequences of my actions and know that there was at least a father figure present in her life who already had some experience with children. (She had left me for the singer of my band)

My ex never tried to contact me for years and then I moved (exactly mkilly) and I have no idea where she even is at this point. I'm not hard to find if she tried...so I figure it's just the way she wanted it and is satisfied with the current situation.

/drama

So ladies... wanna kid? I'm up for it!

/lack of tact
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Postby Eric Y. » Thu Oct 21, 2004 4:47 pm

Jim of Seattle wrote:tviyh has at least one.

Image
the one on the left is mine. next to her is her uncle (my half-brother).

to be completely honest, i never wanted to have kids, and i have never liked them very much. still don't. but i've had her for almost six years now -- at least part of the time, anyway -- and wouldn't trade her for anything.

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