sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

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mo
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sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by mo »

Submit an original song using the following prompts:
Title: “Beneath A Cold Sky”
Challenge: don’t suck
Non-mandatory Inspiration Prompt: Through-composed song structure: A through composed piece is one where each stanza of the lyrics has its own unique section, the musical sections do not repeat.
Due Date: 11:59 pm PT, Oct 24, 2021
Blue Lang Memorial Guest Reviewers: Owl, Vom, Phlub
Donor: Evermind
Prize: One or more unique and original plugins created by Evermind, never to be released or shared with anyone except the winner (unless they choose otherwise)
Submissions should be sent to sonofgearfight@gmail.com
mp3 preferred, of no less than 128kbps, higher quality preferred

Suggested mastering to -13 LUFS. If you don’t know about it, we can dig up some reference articles. This is to provide a equitable and fluid listening and reviewing experience for all, without having to reach for the volume knob all the time.

Reviews and winner announcement will happen when they happen, but intention is have it in a week from the due date. Please note that ONLY the donor decides the winner, the reviewers are there to provide guaranteed constructive commentary, if not ego fluffing.

Reminder that the Inspiration Prompt is here to promote creativity and different approaches, and is not mandatory or a criteria for eligibility or ranking.

Contestants worldwide are eligible, if there are problems, issues with fulfillment will be handled to the best of everyone’s ability offline. Subsequent fights may have changes depending on prizing and donor.

The Fightmasters have graciously agreed to host this fight, so it will appear on its own page in the Songfight ecosystem.
Further announcements, corrections, and whatnot for this fight will be made in this thread
Last edited by mo on Sat Oct 09, 2021 1:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

I like the title. Thanks Evermind for the cool prize.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

I wrote a song. Won't be able to properly record it until the weekend, though. Luckily we have two weeks, right?
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by ujnhunter »

CSI Enhance!
-Ujn Hunter
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mo
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by mo »

yeah you have a couple of weeks
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by Evermind »

Hey y'all! Just a quick reminder to everyone, deadline is coming up and I have a number of plugins made for prizes!

I'll also be giving some of the plugins to those who helped organize the fight, as a thank you for their efforts.

Thanks and good luck to everyone who submitted!
I am definitely too square for how experimental this is, but I can imagine that if I was in the right state of mind, the section starting at 2:20 might transport me to another dimension - jeffhenderson
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by mo »

One week to go! SON OF GEARFIGHT LFG
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by sleepysilverdoor »

By virtue of doubling up with Spintunes I guess I'm done with mine.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

I still have a song. I'm not sure I have a recording even after spending quite a bit of time on it. Might need that week.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by mo »

Tomorrow night, midnight PST!
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

I'm in. *cheer*
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by lichenthroat »

I think I bit off more than I could chew for this one. I liked the challenge and tried to implement it, but it was hard to maintain cohesion all the way through.

This song is about the Group of Seven, an organization of early 20th century Canadian painters known best for their depictions of the Canadian wilderness. The song is from the point of view of A.Y. Jackson, one of the members of the group. The person referred to as “Tom” is Tom Thomson, whose tragic death in a canoeing accident, incidentally, is the subject of the song “Eastern Winds” by The Sadies.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by mo »

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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by owl »

Reviews!!! Only three songs and one I already listened to a bunch so this makes my job easier than I was anticipating.

Lichen Throat: Through-composed, check! There are various parts of this I like, but I think the overall flow and arrangement could use some work. I like that initial "guitar" motif and the way it interlocks with the bass or whatever that is that comes in after. I'm not crazy about the drum beat. I think it could use more variation and it seems too busy for the other instruments and disconnected from them a bit. I think you could have had a really cool sparse, atmospheric, almost post-rocky first section if you'd done about half as much on the drums there.

The "dark red leaves"/"moments freeze" lines are really nice both musically and lyrically, I like that part a lot, although I think it would have been better if you jumped into that right away without the little transition part between, which felt awkward.

The switch into 6/8 in the next section also felt awkward; those transitions feel like the whole song stops and starts again rather than flowing naturally from part to part or like the parts are connected to one another. Same complaint about the drums. The interlocking of the parts in this section is pretty cool, with an almost staggering and swaying feel, but I think your vocals need to be tighter both rhythmically and pitch-wise throughout to fit in with the music. I have mentioned this before, but I think you'll have an easier time staying on key if you pitch everything up a few steps, it seems like you're almost always singing at the bottom of your range and it's harder to hold a consistent pitch down there if you're bottoming out all the time.

I like the "so many dead" section and think it could have a nice, melancholy nursery rhyme sort of feel to it but the instrumentation might need to lighten up there, and again the vocals would need to be tighter to carry that melody. I have the same issue with the transition at 1:45-ish that I did with the earlier ones; it's awkward when the song just kind of suddenly stops and then picks up a motif with everything following the same rhythm on the downbeat. Syncopating might help but ultimately my ear wants those parts to have an actual connection and transition between them rather than this stop-start thing.

The last couple of sections feel the most chaotic to me in terms of the parts working with one another. The two-note rhythm part in the penultimate section feels plodding. Changing up the velocity and/or timing would help. The throbbing bass part at the end is a good underpinning but the parts playing over it don't seem to really connect with that rhythm and then it just kind of trails off and stops, like you ran out of steam and decided to stop writing. I would have liked either a more composed outro or a hard stop.

The lyrics are lovely, packed with evocative images, and I like the way you keep revisiting and re-contextualizing the "beneath a cold sky" line. These lines worked less well for me as they veered more into "telling not showing" territory and "went forth" sounds too formal for a first-person narrative: "Seven men with tubes of paint / Roamed throughout the north. / Ice-cold hands, but no complaints, / Each day we went forth." I like the stories/characters you're referencing, although I only quickly skimmed Wikipedia so I probably missed out on a lot of cool details that I would have caught if I had done my research properly.

phlububub: I'm not sure if you hit the "through-composed" optional challenge since I think maybe that also implies no repeating parts within songs? Anyway, it's optional, so who cares! I already kind of went over my thoughts on this song on the Jerks podcast but I'll go into it again here. I still haven't seen the movie, sadly. But overall this seems like a worthy epic soundtrack for a post-apocalyptic horror story.
Part 1: I get what you were going for with the music in this part, kind of a high-energy classic rock pastiche, but I think it was a bit too long and a bit too generic-sounding in terms of the songwriting to be entirely successful for me. It would probably help to turn up the vocals and/or carve out a bit more space for them in the mix--since you can't make out the lyrics, it felt too repetitive to me by the time you're into the Russkys bit. I mean, I'm not sure if the production with the super-buried vocals was meant to make this sound like a tune coming from an old radioactive radio or something, but I think if that was the intent you could have cut the section in half and it would have been more effective. I really like your falsetto! Kind of makes me think of The Darkness or something. Also, I like the line "well the news lit him up like a mushroom cloud." The ramp-up going into the next section is cool and I like that transition.
Part 2: I want to like this ominous drone section more than I do. However, I feel like there's not enough tonal and textural variation in this section to make it work for me. I would have liked to have heard more dynamic stuff here (faster filter sweeps, feedback, more space/highs/lows?) to make it feel more intentional.
Part 3: My favorite part! Gothy and creepy. I am really into the detuned, spacey guitars, what a great sound. The buried vox works fine for me in this section. The "sub-zero temperatures in mid-July" line had a nice visceral specificity to it, and "There's more for whom remain, the more that die" takes a second to hit but is chilling. I also feel like it was a good length, the lift into the last stanza feels almost optimistic for a second but that quickly fades away.
Part 4: Putting aside whether this part was "fun" to listen to (not really what you're going for) I would say that this section has too much delay or reverb for me to feel like it really hits in a properly menacing way. I personally would have liked this to be a lot more dry if you're going for the shouty thing; with the effects on it now, it comes across to me as kind of thin, and kind of like you're just trying to hide the performances rather than going for a specific effect. I would have liked to have heard the low end come up more in this section. Even after the instruments all come in it still feels a bit more mid-heavy than even the section before it and I think it should have been the opposite. Again, can't make out the lyrics, not sure it matters for this section though.

Pigfarmer Jr.: Not through-composed! But again, optional. This has a good energy to it overall, and I like the dynamics where you drop out before the solo. I think the word "a" is emphasized too heavily in the chorus melody and I would have liked that to be shifted a bit to an off beat so the rhythm of the words would match up better with the melody and rhythm of the music. Like maybe a pause after "beneath" so "sky" gets held over two syllables?

I like that you just jump right into the metaphysical with those opening lines, it kind of reminds me of "Just Let Go" by Sturgill Simpson or "Into My Arms" by Nick Cave or something, how direct you get right away in the first few lines of the song. Just bam, grab God by the throat right away. However, elsewhere, I feel like the lyrics could use a bit more specificity in many other parts--a few specific scenes or details of why you're upset or feeling bad would grab the listener's interest more than the vague "life likes to knock me down" or "I wonder why I fight". What does the cold sky have to do with the other parts?

Anyway, solid performances and production. I liked the second half where the production is fuller more than the first half, I think the chord progression where you're going back and forth in the first couple of verses just feels a little too bare-bones for me, and having the lead guitar over it later on helps a lot. More backing vocals or percussion could have been a nice addition as well to fill out the mix but that's icing really, I don't think there's anything wrong with what you have right now in terms of arrangement.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by vowlvom »

More reviews!

Lichen Throat - points for ambition here, you've fully embraced the through-composed challenge as well as experimenting with different time signatures, and still come in well under three minutes. I don't think it all works, but the inventiveness results in an interesting listen nonetheless. Your sampled guitar sounds here are pretty decent on the whole, you've definitely made a lot of progress with your arrangements - the opening is immediately atmospheric and intriguing, although when the drums come in they don't feel to me like they're working with the rest of the arrangement - it feels like you've picked a beat for each section without all of them really taking into account what the rest of the instruments and vocals are doing in that section, and it leads to things feeling overly busy in sections and not flowing particularly well as you move between the sections. The lyrics are fascinating throughout, and while sometimes it feels like you're cramming in too many syllables for the line, the timing is mostly pretty solid. Melody suffers however, there are sections where it feels like you're locking into something pretty solid (e.g. the last couple of lines of the first section) but others where it feels like you're just trying to get the words in anyhow. Have you ever experimented with writing the melody line as part of your instrumental, then removing it after adding the vox? It seems like something that might work well for you with your score-based process. But on the whole this is an interesting track that ambitiously stretches and comes up a little short, but I'm glad the ambition is there.

Phlub - my mp3 player says this is called "Threads: the Musical!", immediately disqualified and blocked. Just kidding. I feel like I've already heard this one thoroughly dissected for Spintunes though so apologies if I'm repeating things. The opening section is a lot of fun, I love the fuzzed-up Beach Boys vibe. I wish the production on this section leaned a bit more into that vibe though, the vox are buried and I don't really understand why there's so little bass in the mix - the guitar and drums really cut through but it sounds thin, and oddly (given your actual live drums) doesn't feel to me like the band is all in the same room. I like how it gets more ragged and the vocals take on that sinister edge before the shift into the drone section, which is a great way to evoke the nuclear horror of Threads (which I have seen, and takes place like 40 minutes away from here, although it really annoys me that they don't quite make it to my town when they flee Sheffield, that would have been so cool). The atmospheric third section feels the best-mixed to me, the wobbly, drifting lead guitar sounds really cool and while the vox still feel a little muddy, it fits better into this section's sparse, gothy vibe. Lyrics are smartly written to follow the Threads narrative throughout - I'm not really sure how I feel about the final lines making the switch from inside the film to outside of it, but with the shouty delivery it doesn't bother me when listening. Overall I think this one delivers on its ambition, and most of my critique is minor mix tweaks, so good work.

Pigfarmer Jr - it's harder to pick this one apart in as much detail, because for the most part it's just a reliably solid Pigfarmer song with the same strengths and weaknesses as I've probably brought up every time I've written reviews in the past. The arrangement is well done and I especially like how the extra layer of lead guitar hangs on from the solo to add extra energy and push to the final chorus. There are some familiar phrasing issues in the vocals where it kinda feels like you're reacting to music rather than anticipating it, and struggling to catch up a little - "I wonder what's the point of this" is possibly the line where this is most obvious but it just feels like the vocal take is a few small tweaks away from being considerably better. The lyric is a solid take on the title that lacks some of the interesting detail of the other two entries but works well for the style and very much gets the job done. The mix is solid but feels like it could use a little more clarity, if you're not already high-passing your acoustic guitar then that might help the bass and drums feel like they have a bit more space in the arrangement; if you are then... I'm out of tricks, but it definitely feels like this is a bit cluttered in the low end to me.

Shame there weren't more entries to review but I enjoyed all three of these, good work people.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by Evermind »

After some deliberation, I've decided to declare Phlubububulbulbubbuububub the winner of this SonOfGearfight.

As the winner, Phlub gets:
Origami Wavefolder Distortion
Toob Resonant Decimator

And everyone who submitted, reviewed, or organized gets these plugins:
Rand LCG Distortion
Pyooter Wave Embiggener
Everbass Psychoacoustic Bass Enhancer

Please let me know in thread, or via Discord, or via Slack, what OS and format you'd like your prize plugins in. I can accomodate Mac, Win, and Linux in a number of formats including VST, VST3, AU, and Max.
I am definitely too square for how experimental this is, but I can imagine that if I was in the right state of mind, the section starting at 2:20 might transport me to another dimension - jeffhenderson
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by Lunkhead »

Congrats Phlubububulbulbubbuububub!

Also that's very generous of you, Evermind. Mac VST3 format for me please.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by sleepysilverdoor »

I WILL REVIEW EVENTUALLY sorry between Spintunes and my grandma dying at the ripe old age of 98, I've been a bit swamped.

Also yay, thank you! Apparently the only contests I ever win have prizes? I feel like I should host one of these...but don't know what I'd offer. Will ponder.
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Re: sonofgearfight #3 "Beneath a Cold Sky"

Post by sleepysilverdoor »

Lichen Throat - As pointed out elsewhere, immediately grabbed me as being through-composed. I’m not used to hearing you take on time signature changes, so it was definitely knid of neat hearing you switch into 6/8. All in all if there’s one thing that I’d say bugged me about this, it’s not the lyrics -- as usual, there were some great lines in there and I usually enjoy your imagery choices -- but it feels like there was no real dynamic change at all throughout the song. Like if there was sheet music for some fancy classical piece or something you’d expect to see a bunch of fortissimos and pianissimos and accents and stuff everywhere right? Here there’s none of them, I need more dynamics, yo! Something to keep my brain actively engaged the whole time! However like I said, the lyrics are a strong point here.

Pigfarmer Jr - Mix is kind of muddy in the low mids , but it’s hard to tell what the main culprit is. I’d say the guitars, probably? They seem to be kind of competing for space with the drums, particularly the snare? I’d probably turn up the voice a bit. Oddly -- and it’s hard for me to figure out how to criticize swearing without being a complete hypocrite -- there’s something about the placement of the prominent F- and S- bombs that bugs me. Maybe it’s the deadpan delivery on fuck? Needs more oomph. Overall the tune is a bit over-compressed maybe. Chorus is strong, I love that classic VI VII i progression. This is a real energetic bop of a tune despite my complaints about it. The general angsty tone of the lyrics is good on the angst, but nothing about it seems dependent on the sky. Like we could all be suffering under a hot sky too. Or under some stippled drywall. I dunno, the title felt shoehorned in.

Phlubububububbubb - Threads is depressing. Generic classic rock turns into Penderecki/Sunn turns into some gloomy goth something turns into sludgy doom something.
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