Caravan Ray wrote:Thank you. I agree and I tried to emphasise that last line (I panned it back to centre) - but...poor production let it down.
, I was unclear! What I meant was not the mix, but with vocal delivery - a harmony, alternate melody, and/or additional vocal tracks- something different that really punches through the message. I'd say a lot of the songs this week didn't really make a great connection with the title, so little tweaks to emphasize the Excuse Me(, You're on Your Own)
aspect would have made it thematically stand out; something emphasizing the importance of that phrase at the chorus or the end would have provided a closure that felt a little missing (again not just in your song). I'm a bit of a dunce and need things hammered over the head, but I will say without emphasizing the Excuse Me-ness, it felt like you could have written the exact same song here with a different interjection. For example, replace "excuse me" with "fuck you" and the song hardly changes meaning**. I realize that's a bit needy***. I'm not one of those crazy people who thinks the title needs to be in the lyrics, but I do feel that the title should have a somewhat intuitive connection. And maybe in this case, focusing on that connection would have brought some more of the human element into your lyrics. You're a complex man with many emotions and a good story to tell here, and it seems you ended up papering over a little with generalized lyrics and a lack of conviction in the delivery - ironically picking an emotional topic and then distancing yourself from it enough to not emote. "Excuse me for being your husband, for wanting to make a life with you" would have been a killer story along the lines of Alanis Morissette, right?
Anyway, I didn't realize a volume difference between your track and the others OR any annoying artifacts, so mission accomplished! You made a great song, and the problem was that all the songs were great.
** I feel like I've uncovered a good rule: "if you can replace the title with 'fuck you' in the lyrics, the title was irrelevant".
*** If I were the artist, I would be so annoyed right now. It's hard enough writing a damn song in a week.