Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

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crumpart
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by crumpart »

vowlvom wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 4:12 am
I didn't do anything particularly different with the drums this time though, I've just been putting distortion on them all the time because I've been putting distortion on everything else and I don't want them to feel left out.
I put a fake fuzz pedal on my drums this time for exactly the same reason.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by vowlvom »

Here you go, some quickly written reviews, after three listens (to the competition songs) or two for the shadows (or first listen for Governing Dynamics as it wasn't posted yet when I listened before).
Not sure there's much helpful in here but we all like reviews, right? Reviews!

Balance Lost - love the chiptuney intro, and the way the synths keep popping up in the background after the song kicks in, like playing Mario 64 at a punk rock show. The energy is excellent, and the repetition fits the genre really well without breaking too far from the challenge. I wondered if anyone would take on THAT The Sun, kudos for sticking it up 'em.

Brown Word and the Big Whine - superb lead guitar work on this, I love the ascending / descending riffs and the guitarmonies. I could definitely go for something a little hookier in the vocals but they work in terms of vibe and attitude. Lyrics are really interesting when read but I don't really pick up on them when listening and I think that's because the instrumental is so much more interesting and grabs all of my attention.

Budget Bears - as above, I was going for a kind of doomsday cult vibe in this song. It's way out of my comfort zone doing this much vocal layering for the whole song but I quite like how it came out. The guitar part is unusually complicated for me, but it turns out if you actually practice songs before recording them, that's not necessarily a bad thing!

Crown Shy - you'd never guess that you were limited on time this week, this is an excellent song and a rich arrangement - the crunchy guitars and dreamy keys fit really well together and you use the vocal layering and harmonies so well. One of the songs that makes the rondel feel most natural - doing two of them works really well in terms of meeting the challenge but allowing for more sections and Sonic Development, and you've packed in a ton of melody. My favourite bit is the keyboard solo though, it's so fuzzy and cool.

Ever Kenievel - bold take on the challenge, and to be honest after the discussions of challenges past I expected more people to take liberties with the rondel. Judging by your example, we probably should have done, this is great. Love the repetition in the vocals and the production is great, spoken rondel in the middle is clever and well-written.

Heid - another one that makes the rondel sound incredibly natural, and your vocal melody is swooping and dramatic and lovely. I feel like this style would possibly have been a little too theatrical for me with a bigger arrangement but you keep it sparse and intimate and that lets me focus on all the strengths without triggering any of my biases, superb work.

The Lowest Bitter - the intro sounds so Magnetic Fields to me which is hilarious because I know you're NOT a fan. Definitely back into more recognisably Lowest Bitter territory once the bass kicks in, but you're stretching yourself here with a sparser arrangement and more focus on the vocal and I think you knock it out of the park. Gorgeous song and the crepuscule line is up there with Crown Shy's keyboard solo as my favourite moments of the round.

Max Bombast - this mix sounded absolutely terrible on the bluetooth speaker I initially listened on, I was all like "oh no what are you doing Max!". The issues there aren't quite as obvious when listening on proper speakers (as I am now) but it still feels like there's some hefty compression making the drums cut into the rest of the mix that really doesn't work for me. The riffy guitar work between vocal sections is well done but on the whole this doesn't do a lot for me - the vocal melody isn't hugely interesting and the mix issues really affect my enjoyment of the instrumental mix.

Moss Palace - this is very pretty and well-performed, and you make the rondel work well, another one where the rhyme scheme sounds very natural. The genre is not my thing, this is exactly the kind of music that goes in one ear and out the other for me, but from what I can tell outside of those biases, your execution is top-notch.

Nick Soma - orchestral arrangement is lovely, and I like that you drop back to the intimate vocal to let the lyrics stand out as they're really interesting - and I feel like the arrangement could have pushed this into overwhelmingly theatrical / corny territory if you'd gone all out, you find a sweet spot that really works. Good idea to stretch out into a post-rondel coda - the vocal layering in that section is maybe a little too busy but it's a smart way to develop the song and I really enjoyed this.

see-man-ski - another really interesting arrangement, this definitely conjures up that dreamy Air / Zero 7 vibe that you mentioned. In places I find it slightly hard to reconcile that chilled-out vibe with your vocals which are still pretty full-on in places. I really like that shift where you go into the falsetto and the crunchy drums kick in, and you make the rondel sound natural.

Dented Bento - the wobbly bass gives this an interesting vibe and the vocal performance is strong, it feels a little short though - like it's only just getting going and then it's over!

Glennny - the one-word-per-line rondel is very clever! I wish the harmonies were a little more consistent as the ones that do work sound great (also deeply aware that this criticism also applies to my own song). Delay on the guitar is cool, although I always struggle with this sort of 80s-y FX heavy guitar tone.

Governing Dynamics - cool beat, and the atmospheric arrangement works well with your weary vocal. Enjoyed this although it feels like the ending is a bit of an afterthought, "eh just layer some more lead guitar on there, it'll be fine".

Hot Pink Halo - pulsing bass gives this an interesting vibe. The dreamy guitar layers work well, the more up-front ones feels a bit rough in terms of timing, although the flangey / phasey stuff definitely sets an atmosphere. But for the most part I enjoy this up until the tempo shift, which is very messy and muddled - the drums don't seem to keep up with everything else (and they also get lost in the mix at this point).

Mandibles - apocalyptic high-five! This is dramatic and well composed, I like the first two thirds of it quite a bit but I'm not really into the tempo shifting stuff at the end and the final note really jars something deep in my brain.

Virgo Power - I like the stompy drums, the verses work well and the harmonies on the bridge are really nice, but the chorus feels like there's nothing to really set it apart from the rest of the song and it might be least melodically interesting section of the song - I like the idea of expanding from the rondel format (especially in a shadow where you can take risks) but the rondel parts of this one were the strongest, IMO.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by Cybronica »

Thanks for the reviews, guys!
furrypedro wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 3:59 am

Mandibles: Finally a tune that sits comfortably in the criminally underused medieval-jazz-metal genre. The bit after the first verse when you vocal going goes into the high "faaaall" bits is a cool effect but something in it seems to jar, I think there are two tracks working against each other perhaps. An interesting experiment in shifting soundscapes. Sounds like you had fun making it.
Medieval Jazz Metal? I didn’t even know it, but that might be my favorite genre :lol: this was definitely experimental in nature. lyrics in traditional poetic forms trigger the classical side of my composing brain, so it always creates and interesting genre fusion. I threw distortion on the first line of the third verse cause I thout the singing sounded too classical. Probably should have done another take, tho.
vowlvom wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 5:29 am

Mandibles - apocalyptic high-five! This is dramatic and well composed, I like the first two thirds of it quite a bit but I'm not really into the tempo shifting stuff at the end and the final note really jars something deep in my brain.
I definitely think this song could have benefitted from another week of work shopping, or at the very least being recorded all in the same room. Doing one track at a time always creates an stilted quality in songs that deviate from the click track. I’d love to do this song live when the band can all breathe together and play all the fun tempo changes at the same time.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by owl »

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I probably will continue having no time to review this week, but I just wanted to say this is a super strong round and I don’t envy the judges having to rank everything. I think my initial favorites are Ever Kenievel (despite the loose take on the challenge) and The Lowest Bitter, but honestly everything is bunched up at the top, I could see anyone winning or getting cut this week and I wouldn’t be surprised by any combination of results.
furrypedro wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 3:59 am
Crown Shy: The pads running through are really cool, and I think I recognise the patch (which is always what producers hate to hear, but I like the sound).
Ha, I’m curious to know if your guess was right. There are two atmospheric texture things happening in the song: one (heard throughout) is the sustainer on my Vox guitar, and the other (coming in later) is the Boards of Solina preset from Arturia Analog Lab II. (The solo uses the same synth patch with some extra processing on it)
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by crumpart »

furrypedro wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 3:59 am
Particularly in the upbeat section the drums and guitars seem to become completely disconnected.
vowlvom wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 5:29 am
But for the most part I enjoy this up until the tempo shift, which is very messy and muddled - the drums don't seem to keep up with everything else (and they also get lost in the mix at this point).
Ha! I had a look at my file and I think what happened in the tempo shift part is that I'd experimented with setting all the drums to "SLOPPY AF" and then also, in that section specifically, "EXTREMELY COMPLEX BUT STILL SLOPPY AF". Also I think I forgot to change the tap tempo on the delay pedal on one of the guitars. I've had a crack at making the drums better, but Toshiro's pedal board is heavy and our house is awkward and small, so the guitars will probably stay as is.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by seemanski »

My ramblings for what they are worth, probably nowt. This round was insanely good, I came in thinking I had a decent track and after listening through the others I am now not sure at all and fully expect my name to be in the bottom of the pile. To me the stand out tracks were Heid, Ever Kenievel and The Lowest Bitter.

Balance Lost -

The plinky synths are nice at the start and the pace of the track is nice and rawkus. The choppy guitars really break it up and it drives you throughout the song. Interesting use of the prompt, the Sun is crap but I can think of other newspapers that should probably get the chop first.

Brown Word and the Big Whine -

I really like the guitar work in this track and there are some really cool drums in the back. Overall I have really enjoyed your work this year, you have really stepped it up and it's nice to hear you are still going strong.

Budget Bears -

I have a few comparisons that popped into my mind. The sound of the acoustic reminded my of Iris. I am also getting a bit of Idlewild in the way you are playing the guitar. I admire what you are doing with your vocals but it doesn't quite hit the mark for me, I think it is because they all sit kind of in the same level of the mix and I want a single lead vocal to pop out. Also, I have really been enjoying your raw guitars and I want some more damn it.

I do think the mood of the track fits the theme of your track very nicely. It puts you on edge and that could be to do with the vocals that I have just critised.

Crown Shy -

I love your imagery that you paint all throughout your lyrics. These are the kind of lyrics that I wish I could write. The instrument that kicks in on the middle 8 is so nice and really takes the track to a new level.

Ever Kenievel -

This is pretty god damn awesome. The music is amazing and loving the Pet Shop Boys like vocals. The use of repetition is really effective and your production is top notch. I have to admit I am struggling to see the Rondel structure in the lyrics. I think it is there in the verses but I can't see it. Either way I think if you had stuck to it strictly it wouldn't have been anywhere near as good and I'd rather listen to a decent song than one that follows the rules to the tee.

Heid -

Holy crap you are such a talented song writer I am in awe of how you write your lyrics. You have a real way with words and your voice and piano work just lifts it so much. Nice work, really impressed with everything you have done this year.

The Lowest Bitter -

You nailed it. I really like the understated you. The bass is a lovely driver and the timbre of the backing music suits your vocal style really nicely. It is different from what you usually do and I want to hear more like this. That said I could listen to all your other stuff very easy too.

You obviously read the wikipedia more than me, I got rhyming structure and length but didn't realise there was a syllable limit too.

Max Bombast -

I really like you guitar work, there are some really nice harmonics in there that caught my ear and the choppy guitars in between the verses break it up quite nicely. It does feel like you are playing it a bit safe in the music as it feels like it falls in your comfort zone. I'm now used to hearing you do things unexpected which I have heard in your other tracks. It is a solid song though I would be happy to listen again and again.

Moss Palace -

WTF, who are you? I was not expecting this from you. Stunning vocals, how many amazing singers are in your ensemble? I get Ben Folds with how you are singing, Songs For Silverman sprung to mind. The brush drums are wonderful and I love the guitar solo.

Absolutely lovely.

Nick Soma -

I have to admit, when this started I was half expecting My Heart Will Go On to kick in. I'm so glad it didn't and very pleased with what came instead.

I was reminded of Crash Test Dummies in parts, probably because of the Mmm Mmm Mmm and then I could hear comparisons in your vocals.

This is a really pretty song and the uncertainty that you mentioned in your liner notes is something I think adds to this track. Would it have been as delicate if you hadn't of done it with no uncertainty?

see-man-ski -

This is me, I went round the houses with this. I initially wanted to do a rave track but realised that they are basically one liners and also I have no idea how to do rave music. I was then going to just do an acoustic and vocal track but that sounded crap, Computer Music arrived with some vinyl samples so I went a bit nuts using those samples.

Bit disappointed with my overall levels, it doesn't quite match up to the loudness of other tracks. I never know how much to push the limiter. I figure you can always turn up a quiet track but you can't turn down a distorted over limited track.

I think I met the Rondel challenge, but I never know if I've got it right and I've probably missed something knowing me as I got bored of reading the wikipedia article.

Dented Bento -

Those are some interesting synths I wasn't expecting to kick in. It does start off a bit slow but builds and then it gets Bowie-esk which is nice.

Glennny -

I do like the music in this track. The drums are nice and the flanged guitar sounds really nice. I'm not very keen on the overdrawn vocals, it gets a bit much as the track goes on and distracts from everything else that is going which is really nice.

Governing Dynamics -

Great choice of beat, the squelchy bass is really nice, maybe it is a bit too far back in the mix for me, I'm not sure. The guitars with what sounds like a octaver is really interesting.

Hot Pink Halo -

First off, congratulations of having the longest song. I know you're very proud of that ;)

This is a very chilled track, I really like your use of panning and I has made me think maybe I should try hard panning stuff. Did you change tempo? Just felt a shift in the track that I didn't notice in my previous listens, wow, it does sound like you have. That was subtle and I didn't notice it before, unless you haven't and I am talking out of my arse.

Great dynamics, this song really swells.

Mandibles -

The acoustic sounds better than your previous tracks. I have noticed in previous tracks it has been pretty boomy. It is still a bit boomy but not as much. I did wonder if you have either got your mic set up to close to the base of the guitar (I usually try and point it around the 12th fret) or if it is too near the guitar (I've read it should be around 15cm).

This is a really parculiar track, it feels very uneasy and unsettling which I really like. Not a fan of the end though, it kind of just ends and I and left a bit short changed.

Virgo Power -

I like the high frequencies although they do get a bit grating at times. This is certainly very experimental and I admire you guts to try and push the boat like you are. Nothing really grabs me in terms of a hook, however, it will take me a while to get that high frequency instrument you have got going out of my head. It also sounded a bit like a Gary Glitter song which raised my eyebrow a little.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by furrypedro »

seemanski wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 1:46 pm
the Sun is crap but I can think of other newspapers that should probably get the chop first.
This is just our little secret, but as soon as the title "Waiting for the Daily Mail to Fall" is posted along with another rondel challenge I'll be submitting this same track to that fight.

Thanks for the reviews my dude!
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by seemanski »

furrypedro wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 8:17 pm
seemanski wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 1:46 pm
the Sun is crap but I can think of other newspapers that should probably get the chop first.
This is just our little secret, but as soon as the title "Waiting for the Daily Mail to Fall" is posted along with another rondel challenge I'll be submitting this same track to that fight.

Thanks for the reviews my dude!
Ah the good old daily fail. Actually, Daily Fail is a pretty good song prompt IMO.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by Lunkhead »

seemanski wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 1:46 pm
Moss Palace -

WTF, who are you? I was not expecting this from you. Stunning vocals, how many amazing singers are in your ensemble? I get Ben Folds with how you are singing, Songs For Silverman sprung to mind. The brush drums are wonderful and I love the guitar solo.

Absolutely lovely.
Hi, that's me. Thanks for the kind words. Something came up last week and we weren't able to make a song per usual, but the title and challenge inspired me so I went and made that song on my own anyway. Good luck to the remaining contestants, have fun, and I look forward to hearing your songs. Thanks to Niv and the judges for making the tournament happen.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by noma »

So I have been eliminated, which is OK to me and I'm not complaining. I would just like to know if it was because of my taking liberties with the challenge, or just because it was a lousy song/arrangement. That would be nice to know. I guess it's the latter.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by vowlvom »

I liked your song a lot Nick!

It would be nice to hear from a judge or two, I know reviews are a lot of work but it's always hugely appreciated when people put the effort in.

I was not surprised to be eliminated this week but I enjoyed making my strange song, it was very much out of my comfort zone. Best of luck to those who remain!
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

What a great group of songs. There's not a bad song in the bunch. Which, of course, makes ranking much harder.

Heid - You hit the challenge squarely on the head. A rondel, one time through. And if I didn't know about the challenge I would have had no idea that was what you did. You excelled at making the challenge transparent while taking no liberties at all.
Your vocal is stellar. The backing vox with reverb is perfect. The keys are great. The balance in the sparse arrangement is good (if not perfect.) You nailed this challenge and the song is very good as well.


Ever Kenievel - Well, there's a rondel in there, isn't there? Props on making the spoken word bridge sound great. It's nearly perfect. The problem I have with judging this song is that you completely eliminated the awkwardness of the rhyme scheme. You should get credit for so deftly handling it. However, you ended up lower on my ranking because it's a relatively small part of the song and I felt other artists deserved to get more credit for tackling, and overcoming, the restriction of the challenge without resorting to diminishing that aspect of their song.
All that being said. This is my favorite song of the fight. I love the cool, driving rhythm, the dark thick sound and the over all feel. The bass feels good in a gritty sort of way. Maybe I just love the dark feel. Regardless, if I could only listen to one song from this round it would be this one.


Max Bombast - One rondel: check. And done well. Another song that I would have a hard time knowing there was a lyrical challenge just on a single listen (and no prior knowledge, of course.) You ranked high on my list because you hit the challenge and I just really like this song.
I like that it feels like you have a sort of verse/chorus structure in the music. I love the cool Rush-like guitar run. I like the darker lyric. The vocal is good and I like the use of doubling (you seem to do that pretty well.)


Crown Shy - OOOH A DOUBLE RAINBO..erm, RONDEL!!! You get props for overcoming the limitation of the challenge by doubling down on the challenge. It's a great choice and very well done. I moved you up in my ranking because you nailed it.
You always have solid, likeable melodies that sometimes hit great. I liked your guitars. I liked the tom builds on the second stanza. There is good movement in the melody between stanzas. The mix could maybe be a bit more clear (I'm thinking it needs a bit more EQ separation) but it's not bad. I like the harmony. This isn't your best entry of the challenge, but it's more than solid.


see-man-ski - One rondel... well, sort of. That first verse Edit: ABab rhyme scheme kicked you down my rankings a bit. I didn't see where any traditional rondel forms used it. Yes, modern takes of the poetic form are out there. But other artists didn't take this liberty and overcame the restriction with flair. I felt you just skirted it.
That being said, I like your song. I love how it builds. I like your melody and vocal (although I think it reminds me of one of your earlier melodies, possibly pleasant row?) I loved that whispered fourth line, the prosody of it. I really like your song and I'm glad you made it through.

Brown Word and the Big Whine - I thought you hit the challenge, did a good job with it.
I like the music. The intro sets up the song nicely. Good rhythm. Outside of the vocal, I felt the mix was very good. The vocal just didn't sit perfectly for me. You may have been dinged a bit because I do a decent part of my listening on inferior speakers and this song/vocal suffered more than most because of it. Just seems like it's masked a bit in places. That being said, I'm listening back as I type this up and I do like the song. The transition at :55ish was good. I love the feel from 1:30 especially with that rhythm. I just felt it didn't stand up compared to some of the other entries. There's literally not a bad song in the group.


The Lowest Bitter - You also hit the challenge. One rondel and your song built nicely.
Honestly, I had a hard time ranking this song. I like the melody and the arrangement. However, the more I listened the more I let little details have an effect. I'm not a fan of the way "get it on" was used. (No, it's not bad, just didn't feel right to me.) The vocal doesn't sit in the mix just right for me. But there are lots of things I do like. Cool bass in the second section. Good use of call and echo. And I love that you used the word crepuscule. (Long story not worth getting into.)


Balance Lost - Challenge was used well. And you used repetition very well in the song.
I like the rhythm and the bass line. It's catchy. Maybe too catchy. I ranked your songs all over the place. Ultimately, it ended up low on the list mainly because it started to suffer a bit on repeated listens, especially compared to some of the other songs. The bite in the butt is that on a single listen I like this song a lot. This is literally the example I gave a coworker of a song that by itself I like a lot but ended up lower on the rankings that I expected on first listen through.


Budget Bears - You hit the challenge squarely on the head. I like your lyric.
I like the guitars. That acoustic sounds good. Maybe a few hand scrapes in there could be eliminated. I typically don't dislike them, but I noticed them quite a bit. The rhythm and bass drives the song along nicely. Your mix is less clear than usual, especially in the vocal. On my shitty work speakers the vocal was not good. At all. It's better in the studio, but I don't think you hit the effect you were going for.


Moss Palace - One rondel. Challenge met. However, it was noticeable that there was an odd/different rhyme scheme.
I like the melody though it's a bit more.. erm sugary than I typically like. Good vocal performance. Evocative. Lead guitar maybe could sit just a hair better in the mix. If I were mixing this track I'd be looking for a good reference track. I could be wrong, but I think it could be a bit tighter.


Nick Soma - You hit the challenge and then added a coda. The song is better for it, but the ranking is not. I felt I could tell that there was a poetic form being used in this song even if I was unaware of the challenge.
I like the texture, the arrangement. The flute and the.. oboe? clarinet? are nice touches. I love the hit on the third stanza. The layers to end were done well. I liked this song.

Shadows:

Dented Bento - I like those guitars, the heavy ones, when they come in. This builds nicely from something I might not be too excited about to something I like the feel of. That last title line melody is tasty.


Glennny - Cool guitars. Those atmospheric flourishes (a la U2 or some other 80's radio song band) are very nice. I love the delay. The vocals didn't do a lot for me. Maybe not tight enough? I liked the texture at the end but this definitely felt like a 4:00 song.


Governing Dynamics - I like the rhythm. But might be a bit too similar throughout. Although I like the vocal build, the energy of the song didn't really build. Your vocal didn't feel like it sat just right in a few places. Maybe that's a nitpick. Cool phrasing, though. I like the "skin this game" melody.


Grumpy Mike - What's the chances of yet another John Cage cover in the same challenge?


Hot Pink Halo - I like your intro. It has a good feel. The arrangement and movement in your song is good. Your mix might not be as clean as it could be but I like the feel of your song. Congratz on your (nearly) 5:00 song. Did you purposefully cut it off before 5:00 or did the render cheat you out of that extra second?


Mandibles - I always seem to like your melodies. I'm always amazed at your range. I think I'd like to hear your lower register and maybe like to hear a large range being used. Sometime I think you sound like an angel (or angels.) But maybe when the vocals are layered/added they compete with each other a bit. That little progression at like 1:10 ish reminds me of a similar bit in a Hendrix song. Which was cool.


Virgo Power - I like your rhythm. Vox is a bit more out front than I typically like, especially in places. But I like this arrangement/mix more than some of your previous songs. I like the bell tones. Layered vocals work for me, too. Is that a stereo effect?
Last edited by Pigfarmer Jr on Fri Jun 18, 2021 10:15 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Pigfarmer Jr
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

vowlvom wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 6:52 am
It would be nice to hear from a judge or two...
Ask and ye shall receive. At least this once. :twisted:
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Cybronica
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by Cybronica »

I’m going to try to write reviews this weekend, but just in case I don’t get around to it, I wanted to say: In a round of exceptional songs, my favorite was Nick Soma’s. It’s been playing on repeat in my head for days, and I have yet to get tired of it. I love the recorder and clarinet duet, I love the soaring melodies, I love the swelling orchestration, I love the prosody of the lyrics, I love the turn into the coda, and I love the feeling it gives me when I listen to it. To be honest, it had me tearing up yesterday. Really, phenomenal job.
Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 7:30 am

Mandibles - I always seem to like your melodies. I'm always amazed at your range. I think I'd like to hear your lower register and maybe like to hear a large range being used. Sometime I think you sound like an angel (or angels.) But maybe when the vocals are layered/added they compete with each other a bit. That little progression at like 1:10 ish reminds me of a similar bit in a Hendrix song. Which was cool.
Aw, you make me blush! My weird quirk is that I was gifted with a hopelessly shallow vocal range. I can sing Queen of the Night with ease, but unless I’ve just woken up, my voice really does not want to dip below a middle C. That’s actually part of why I started writing music- so that there was stuff that I could sing. That said, I do tend to explore the upper reaches of my range, and could stand to do more in what I would consider my lower range. And I agree- especially in this song, doubling the vocal in the second stanza wasn’t really needed. I already increased the space the voice was taking up by adding the reverb and echo there, so the doubled vocal just ended up detracting from the effect.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by crumpart »

Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 7:30 am
Hot Pink Halo - I like your intro. It has a good feel. The arrangement and movement in your song is good. Your mix might not be as clean as it could be but I like the feel of your song. Congratz on your (nearly) 5:00 song. Did you purposefully cut it off before 5:00 or did the render cheat you out of that extra second?
Thanks; the mix was a quick one. I wrote my lyrics early in the week, but then did some other stuff and got my Covid vax on the Friday, and as a result, slept in for half the day on Saturday. Recorded all my guitars on Saturday afternoon, but had to leave the vocals and bass until Sunday, which left not much time to mix. I recorded all the guitars through real pedals as well, which I've only done once or twice, so I'm not super experienced or comfortable mixing that sort of thing yet.

The goal wasn't necessarily to hit five minutes, but to just make it as long as I could without it feeling like a drag (I think it works, but other's mileage may vary!) It's a fun challenge trying to make a longer song from a very constricted lyrical structure. I ended up running through the full rondel twice. Originally the vocals went on longer past the music, but it was too much overhang, so I restructured my vocal timing from the bridge onwards to get just that last line on its own.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by crumpart »

Also I cannot sing Queen of the Night with ease.

Or at all.

But, if you want female low notes, that's my bag.
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seemanski
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by seemanski »

Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 7:30 am

see-man-ski - One rondel... well, sort of. That first verse AaBb rhyme scheme kicked you down my rankings a bit. I didn't see where any traditional rondel forms used it. Yes, modern takes of the poetic form are out there. But other artists didn't take this liberty and overcame the restriction with flair. I felt you just skirted it.
That being said, I like your song. I love how it builds. I like your melody and vocal (although I think it reminds me of one of your earlier melodies, possibly pleasant row?) I loved that whispered fourth line, the prosody of it. I really like your song and I'm glad you made it through.
Thanks for the review, much appreciated. I'm a bit confused about your comment surrounding my rondel, they look very much like ABba abAB abbaA(B) to me (which I pinched off Wikipedia). Admittedly I think my rhymns were near rhymns.

viewtopic.php?p=225588#p225588

I've probably done something wrong and I got through anyway, just want to understand where I went wrong.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

seemanski wrote:
Sat Jun 12, 2021 12:43 pm
See-Man-Ski

you kicked me to the curb
now I'm waiting for the sun to fall
you haven't said a word
nothing at all
A - curb
B - fall
a - word
b - all

Sorry, I mistyped the wrong rhyme scheme. I fixed it in the post and I'll repeat it here:
Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 7:30 am

see-man-ski - One rondel... well, sort of. That first verse Edit: ABab rhyme scheme
You used ABab instead of ABba.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by seemanski »

Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 10:11 am
seemanski wrote:
Sat Jun 12, 2021 12:43 pm
See-Man-Ski

you kicked me to the curb
now I'm waiting for the sun to fall
you haven't said a word
nothing at all
A - curb
B - fall
a - word
b - all

Sorry, I mistyped the wrong rhyme scheme. I fixed it in the post and I'll repeat it here:
Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 7:30 am

see-man-ski - One rondel... well, sort of. That first verse Edit: ABab rhyme scheme
You used ABab instead of ABba.
You're right, I'm such a clutz. Damn my short attention span, I think I lost interest in Wikipedia and just went on a musical quest. I think you are right about it sounding like a previous song, I noticed it sounding familiar too just was too far gone and fed up with the song to rectify it. Thanks for clarifying.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by JonPorobil »

noma wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 5:41 am
So I have been eliminated, which is OK to me and I'm not complaining. I would just like to know if it was because of my taking liberties with the challenge, or just because it was a lousy song/arrangement. That would be nice to know. I guess it's the latter.
Full reviews to come, but I did not knock your song (or any of them!) for the challenge. We're at the point where even really good songs are getting outshone, and it really hurt to give anyone a low score this week.
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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by arby »

Thanks so much for all the reviews, guys!!!
vowlvom wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 5:29 am
Virgo Power - I like the stompy drums, the verses work well and the harmonies on the bridge are really nice, but the chorus feels like there's nothing to really set it apart from the rest of the song and it might be least melodically interesting section of the song - I like the idea of expanding from the rondel format (especially in a shadow where you can take risks) but the rondel parts of this one were the strongest, IMO.
Interesting. I feel like without the chorus it would be too "samey" throughout.
seemanski wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 1:46 pm
My ramblings for what they are worth, probably nowt. This round was insanely good, I came in thinking I had a decent track and after listening through the others I am now not sure at all and fully expect my name to be in the bottom of the pile.
That's exactly how I felt in Round 1. And I was deservedly cut. Glad you've survived! I really liked your Pleasant Row entry in particular! (sorry I am behind on my listening)
seemanski wrote:
Tue Jun 15, 2021 1:46 pm
Virgo Power -
I like the high frequencies although they do get a bit grating at times. This is certainly very experimental and I admire you guts to try and push the boat like you are. Nothing really grabs me in terms of a hook, however, it will take me a while to get that high frequency instrument you have got going out of my head. It also sounded a bit like a Gary Glitter song which raised my eyebrow a little.
I find that GG reference kind of hilarious as I am not sure I even know a single Gary Glitter song off the top of my head. Any one in particular or just his sound in general? (ETA: A hahaha I just listened to "Rock & Roll Part 1 & 2", it's the drum beat, isn't it?)
Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Fri Jun 18, 2021 7:30 am

Virgo Power - I like your rhythm. Vox is a bit more out front than I typically like, especially in places. But I like this arrangement/mix more than some of your previous songs. I like the bell tones. Layered vocals work for me, too. Is that a stereo effect?
Yes. I basically cannot stand to hear my voice plain so I like to slather on the effects/reverb/spreader, whatever makes it sound like *more* than just me. Last time I made it too boomy/muffled so I tried something else this time.
"Not fair, LW+RG get ambience for free every round." - Chumpy

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Re: Nur Ein XVI: Round Four "Waiting For The Sun To Fall"

Post by Adam! »

Come watch Max Bombast force these monsters to evolve.
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