Nur Ein XVIII Round Zero "Sink or Swim"

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mo
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by mo »

gizo wrote:
Mon May 29, 2023 9:15 pm
Well, I can’t sing or play guitar, so I’m sure you’ll be fine.
Last year's finalist says what?
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by ujnhunter »

arby wrote:
Mon May 29, 2023 8:10 pm
ujnhunter wrote:
Mon May 29, 2023 11:15 am
/me is now trying to figure out who's who in the entries...
I've got it (with a little help from Nivs):
chewmeupandspitmeout is The Serviettes
Ellipsis is Mo
Jimmy Pesto is Ben Krieger
Slimeparty is Caravan Ray
Thanks! Caravan Ray was the only one I had figured out right away, and guessed Ellipsis was Mo (or maybe I was aware of that at some point in time...)
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by ujnhunter »

Berkeley Social Scene: Not sure about the start of the song and the vocals... but the chorus kind of grows on you…

Boffo Yux Dudes: Same feeling with the vocals here… I wish the vocal melodies were the piano melodies. Black Eyed peas'd the challenge I see. Chop half the sections in half… too long for me.

Cavedwellers: Wish the vocal was catchier… I like the extra percussion/sound stuff/ear candy.

chewmeupspitmeout: Wish intro was half as long. Marc Almond-esque. 1:06 vocal melody is better. Hard to get into the sound collage for me musically which is a shame because the vocal melody here is the best so far.

Cybronica: I like the sounds. Again though, wish the intro was half as long. Nice backing vocals. Picking up. Vocals are really well done. While the melodies are still sort of like the others, the vocal brings it above. 1st pass.

Ellipsis: I kind of wish the chorus vocals were higher pitched… just to make them more urgent than the verse, while the urgency is different… it would bring them a step up.

Eric Novak: Short but sounds long due to never changing. I think all of these songs would be better if the artists based their songs on a melody. I'm not sure this song knows what the melody is even supposed to be. Is this just the same loop over and over? I can't tell one section from the other, other than the repeating vocals…

Glennny: Here is a better melody. I like the call and response with the guitar. The guitars at 1:10 are crunchy and cool. I know this isn't production fight, but I wish the production was a tad better… it would give it that one more step ahead of the pack.

Grumpy Mike: I was going to complain about the slow, not very exciting start… but the chorus coming in makes that worth it… thanks for keeping this in my favorite song length… it makes me want to listen again. Guitars/Chorus get me. Dig it. I like Maynard too.

Jimmy Pesto: Guess this is an old standard? Not my thing. G&G is really hard… especially if it's just an old folky standard song w corny lyrics...

Lichen Throat: I liked how it started. The second/right channel part didn't match the initial part of the song. Your voice has gotten better, though I really need a melody, which I understand is hard, and especially with such busy left/right instrumental parts that don't really fit together all that well.

Mama Pills: G&P is just as hard as G&G. I'm impressed with the way everyone can come up with lyrics, but I wish everyone would spend more time on a good melody, with less words. Again, this song seems to go nowhere, same loop with repeated lyrics… I understand you wanted a floaty feeling, but I need to be taken somewhere... I might be drifting at sea, but how did I get there and will it ever end?

Max Bombast: Catchy intro. Make it half as long. This is the short lyrics w/ strong melody I'm looking for. All sections are separate, but work together.

Moss Palace: Good catchy intro, good short lyrical parts w/ a good melody. Nice little synth solo break. Builds up nice… Great vocals. I'm worried about the length, but you're keeping me going... No! Just a fadeout… you tricked me into thinking there would be one final great part to go out with...

Nick Soma: I like the call and response verse. Doubled chorus. I like the little musical change ups/ear candy/fills. Ooh ooh. Nice.

Slimeparty: Sounds a little cluttered, but it has a good punky vibe anyhow. Nice little guitar melody. Glad you made it in the fight.

Stacking Theory: Slow. Waiting until 0:46 to get in… then it goes back down. I'm trying to hold on. This is my short/lyric/to the extreme… though… too slow. This is really just a 1 minute song stretched out isn't it?

The Dutch Widows: I like the contrast between vocals in verse/chorus. That's what I was talking about earlier. Brings urgency to the chorus.

The Lowest Bitter: Short intro. Hook. I like the instruments coming in and out, but I wish the sections would change. Another song that feels like it's just one loop, but better done than the others.

Third Cat: Gets right into it. Oh. The intro is after that part. ;) Feels more mishmashed parts than a structured song. Feel like I've heard this chorus before…

Virgo Power: While I realize cutting each section in half would cut your song length in half… I think the thing that gets me is just repeating the same part over too many times. Sounds kind of like a jam working out the parts instead of a structured song of the parts you've already worked out.

*Crown Shy: Wish this made it in. Though I'm sure the contestants are happy that you're just a shadow. ;)

Songs were listened to and written about in alphabetical order, I will try to listen in reverse order in Round 1, as I realize that some reviews may have gotten better or worse depending on when I listened/wrote about said song. Overall well done to everyone who entered into Round 0!
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by vowlvom »

Berkeley Social Scene - nice roomy sound and I like the scratchy vibe of the main guitar part, the dissonant verse riff is cool. The verse vocals just don't really seem to fit the song to me, it feels like they should be a little more angular to suit the unsettling vibe. Chorus feels a lot more conventional and suits the vocal approach better but the song as a whole doesn't feel as interesting as that opening riff promises.

Boffo Yux Dudes - this is pretty charming and upbeat. Some of the vocal layering is really nice, but other parts feel a bit overly messy and busy, the whispery layers in particular don't really work for me. Electric piano playing is nice but the arrangement feels a little lacking in dynamics.

Cavedwellers - I like the drums, they have a nice big cave-dwelling sound. Mix is generally clear and atmospheric, you're creating an interesting vibe. The guitar solo is fine but I feel like it could be better integrated into the song, if some of that guitar tone came in a little earlier or carried on into the following section it would feel a little less like an isolated chunk of the song. Lyrics have a nicely mysterious feel.

chewmeupspitmeout - some really cool synth tones here, the burbling sine wave stuff has a bit of a Radiophonic Workshop quality that I enjoy very much. The vocal feels a little tentative in the opening section, much better once the song really kicks in. The arrangement is generally interesting, definitely feels like you're getting into some weirdo hauntology territory. Song feels a little like it keeps building but ends right as it's about to really explode - this may be a weakness or a strength depending on what you do next!

Cybronica - some really nice harmonies here and good use of reverb to fill out the mix, it feels kinda soupy in a pleasant way rather than being muddy, and the piano cuts through nicely. Lyrics are effective although the "wrapping 'round my face and head" line feels a little clunky, it feels unnecessary to have both "face and head" in there and stands out to me on each repetition.

The Dutch Widows - love the bouncy rhythm, is there actually a retro auto-accompaniment at the base of it all or does it just give that impression? It's cool how it starts out that way and then layers on bigger drums etc. I wish the vocals had a little more clarity - I'm not averse to a little vocal obfuscation but this song has a really nice soaring chorus melody and I think it could be a little more of a feature rather than getting a little swamped by the mix. The internal rhyming in the lyric is fun although some of those lines do feel like you're rushing to fit all the syllables in.

Ellipsis - the bright, jaunty riff and brassy synth immediately sold me on this one, and I love the big filter-sweep bass on the verse. I feel like the kinda monotone / single-chord chorus suffers a little compared to the hooky verse, I wonder if you could have had a shifting bassline or synth part to add some extra interest there? The lyrics are lovely and made me feel Emotions.

Eric Novak - really like the music, has a propulsive kinda post-punk vibe. Vocals sound decent (if a little wobbly) in the verses but the chorus feels like you're trying to cram far too much in, a little room to breathe would help this a lot I think, or possibly shifting some of the repetitions to a separate backing vocal. At the moment those sections don't really work for me and torpedo the song a little, but I can hear plenty of potential.

Glennny - good energy and some really strong hooks and riffs, I particularly love the bridge which has possibly the catchiest tune of the round and I keep coming back to this song to hear it again! For my tastes, pretty much every guitar part would sound slightly better with the FX dialled back slightly but I think as ever this is just personal taste - all the chorus / modulation stuff just ends up sounding a bit muddy to me. The wah lead is admittedly quite fun though! Lyrics are solid too, I like "vigor and vim" a lot and the namedrops are fun.

Grumpy Mike - builds well from the simmering opening, I like the use of swirling keys to thicken up the sound before the big guitars come in. The drums aren't really working for me though, they feel chaotic in a way that doesn't serve the rest of the song, the music has some kind of churning almost psychedelic vibes to it and it feels like a really strong backbeat would help anchor it rather than pushing it further out into a place that sounds messy.

Jimmy Pesto - this has a pleasant kinda campfire-song vibe, but the chords / melody feel so familar and traditional that I think this needs a stronger lyrical hook to be memorable, I enjoyed listening to it but it never really hooked into my brain as much as a lot of these songs did.

Lichen Throat - this is solid, I like the way the chorus sections kick in with a little more intensity. Generally enjoyable but the rigid rhyme scheme and three very similar verse / chorus pairs left it feeling a little repetitive to me, even if the lyrics keep changing I'd like to have heard a little more variation in sonic palette / dynamics / melody.

The Lowest Bitter - catchy vocal and instrumental melodies, I like this a lot. The lead synth has a nice nostalgic tone although there are a couple of points when you hold a very long note and it starts to feel a bit harsh, like tinnitus. Would be cool to have some filtering / modulation on that long note so it's a bit less of a... needle in the brain. I feel like you could do more with EQ / panning to separate the lead vocal from the backing vocals, they feel like they're treading on each other a little at times. Really like the filter sweep FX towards the end, fun way to change things up.

Mama Pills - really like those cascading piano arpeggios and the vocal is very strong. The warm lo-fi sound suits the song, it feels intimate in a way that fits the tone set in the lyrics (which are really interesting). It took me a few listens before I realised how similar the verse and chorus are musically, the shift in the vocal melody does a great job making them feel completely different.

Max Bombast - punchy riffs, strong vocal performance. I think my favourite part is the shift to the off-beat rhythm after the first chorus, it's an interesting change that feels like it really elevates this.

Moss Palace - slick atmospheric pop, some gorgeous harmonies in there and I like the punchiness of the electronic drums. The string synths fill out the mix really nicely, good stuff.

Nick Soma - the call-and-response kinda vibe on the verses is interesting. I think it might be more effective if there were some single lines with space in between before that kicks in, it feels a little busy as it is. The arrangement is lovely, particular the drop out to twinkly glockenspiel / music box / whatever that is - so pretty. Strong melodies and good vocal performance, liked this one a lot.

Slimeparty - this is pretty fun, but I feel like the mix could be a bit cleaner without losing the energy. At present it kinda has "hearing a live band from the bar next door" vibes. The song is strong enough to come through pretty well anyway though, and it's funny that you're submitting as Slimeparty but you namecheck Caravan Ray, whoever HE is.

Stacking Theory - cool arrangement, I like the parping horns and the way the little guitar solo is almost completely solo, excellent use of space! Your lyrical metaphor works well and the vocal delivery is emotive and powerful.

Third Cat - love the rhythms here, sounds like there's a little tabla or something in there? Really adds an interesting vibe. Generally strong all round, although some of the lead guitar and the solo feel a little messy, I think they're good additions, they just feel like they needed a little more thought / a few more takes to better complement the rest of the track.

Virgo Power - some clunky timing on the transitions between verses and choruses, but I like the song generally and the vocal layering on the chorus sounds great. I generally like the mix of shiny omnichord, bass and the live drums although there is a LOT of high end in that omnichord sound so I wouldn't say no to a little EQing to make it less harsh.

Crown Shy - the mix of the fuzzy guitar / bass and the clean uke sounds really nice, and I'm a sucker for a stylophone solo. Vocal melody is also really strong. Very good song! Shame you were TOO LATE!
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by glennny »

ujnhunter wrote:
Glennny: Here is a better melody. I like the call and response with the guitar. The guitars at 1:10 are crunchy and cool. I know this isn't production fight, but I wish the production was a tad better… it would give it that one more step ahead of the pack.
Would you elaborate a little please? Vocals are muddy? guitars too loud? how would yo like to hear the production be better? Thank you!
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by ujnhunter »

glennny wrote:
Tue May 30, 2023 10:02 am
ujnhunter wrote:
Glennny: Here is a better melody. I like the call and response with the guitar. The guitars at 1:10 are crunchy and cool. I know this isn't production fight, but I wish the production was a tad better… it would give it that one more step ahead of the pack.
Would you elaborate a little please? Vocals are muddy? guitars too loud? how would yo like to hear the production be better? Thank you!
Sure. I will do my best to figure out what I'm hearing.

It's weird because while I "feel" like everything is all kind of "muddy" as you say, feeling like it's all in the same mono midrange or something... I can obviously hear the high end on the guitars and the low end on the bass... and the different guitar parts left and right... but it's almost like there is one big midrange center with tiny little pokey highs and a very seperated low. So I kind of want to be able to hear everything in the middle be seperated a bit, but not to the extreme (EQ'd?) of the high/low pokey bits... and yet at the same time I'd like things to sound more cohesive.

I think I'm confusing you, and myself. Perhaps it's like Vom said, with maybe the FX being a little too much overall is making it into a bit of a hazy fog over things for me. Maybe it's more of a mix than production issue for me. You did rank pretty high up in my rankings for what it's worth, so none of this sonic trickery to my ears has affected the fact that I enjoyed your song. ;)

TLDR: Maybe I'm hearing too much Modulation/Reverb creating a midrange fog of muddiness with some extreme EQing to the high/low end poking out from the center that sounds over processed or something to me.
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by Caravan Ray »

vowlvom wrote:
Tue May 30, 2023 9:21 am
Slimeparty - this is pretty fun, but I feel like the mix could be a bit cleaner without losing the energy. At present it kinda has "hearing a live band from the bar next door" vibes. The song is strong enough to come through pretty well anyway though, and it's funny that you're submitting as Slimeparty but you namecheck Caravan Ray, whoever HE is.
thank you.

recorded in a BnB in Inverness, Scotland - after two weeks in Tuscany. I found some old guitar stuff on my hard drive I recorded years ago and cut/paste into a song. Then locked myself in the BnB's toilet and shouted words at my laptop - hence the " "hearing a live band from the bar next door" vibes"

Ill be in Singapore tomorrow - with 3 days downtime before flight home - so I should have some more time to put something more coherent together for next round if required.
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by Cybronica »

NE 18 r0

Reviews! Enjoy! In order of the lyric thread:

Lowest bitter
I love the 80s synth pop vibe. The rhythmic panning on the boomwhacker is ear candy. Oooh so is that panning at the very end. I would have liked more of that! Your lyrics are really great (love the dog paddle/dog tired/doggedly lines), but I think you do them a disservice in how you sing them. It’s ve ry syl la bic with an em pha sis on ev ery note. The vocal rhythm of all iambs all the time seems to only change on the title line. You lose the poetry by doing that, because the natural rhythm of the words is left broken.

Cynical monkey
no entry, but a nice poem. The lines get a bit overlong. You’ve got really good instincts; I recommend finding some poem forms to play with so that you get more familiar with the rhythmic flow of words without music attached to them. Iambic pentameter comes to mind, or just a sonnet in general, or a series of four foot by four line quatrains. Play with dactyls, trochees, iambs, etc. have fun! (Came back to add, check out Lichen throats lyric- he’s also verbose, and makes great use of poetic meter to make the lyrics flow really easily)

Stacking theory
What a heart wrenching premise and lyric. The sparse arrangement at the start and throughout the verses feels like it’s not quite up to the material, but it makes the payoff at the chorus that much better, so maybe it was a good choice. Certainly it’s good for the chorus, because I think without that contrast, I’d be less impressed, which speaks to the power of context. In general i want this to have a more lush arrangement, but that might be my personal taste.

Dutch Widows
Another heart wrenching lyric and premise that doesn’t seem to match the musical vibe. That said, the music is really great, bopping arrangement, and a great blossoming at the choruses. I suppose there’s an argument to be made that the music reflects how someone with dementia might be just bopping along, going with what others say, a bit confused, but happy to be involved, but there’s such a contrast with the confusion and fear I read in the lyrics, I’m not sure I’m totally behind that interpretation. I will say that flat line tone at the end really pulls in that emotional tether I was looking for the whole rest of the song. Side note: I have a lot of trouble understanding any of your words. I think part of this is that the high hat occupies the same space panning wise and frequency wise. I would either separate those out, or try and enunciate more (though your declamation is such a trade mark, I don’t want you to mess up what you have going for you if you can avoid it).

Cybronica
Me! I’m taking a crack at doing this solo, and given my lack of instrumental mastery, I’m quite pleased with what I came up with. I think if I clean this up I’ll definitely cut the intro in half, and rewrite the last line of the chorus. Hope you enjoyed it!

Cavedwellers
Love the swooshy flanger effect filling in the background of this song. Overall the reverb etc effects on this have a beautifully aquatic affect, works very well for this challenge. Gorgeous singing, I love especially when the doubled vox divide into those lush harmonies. The chorus melody and chord progression are full of a tension that is such a relief to hear resolved. The guitar solo is beautiful. I want to get some pool noodles and float down this music stream.

Virgo Power
This sounds fantastic! Your singing has really come a long way since I first started listening to you. Your tuning and rhythm is very tight here; You can hear it in the confidence of your tone, which is something special. That part where where you split into so many vox parts is m a g i c a l; the hard panning is so good. Love how the first time it happens you have that little “oh yeah” call back in my left ear - more please. Now your orchestration- so good! The Omni is well mixed here, in such a way that doesn’t pierce my ears like it has in the past. The bass is an excellent counterbalance to it, and then your strong alto voice fills in the arrangement. It’s very well done. My main critique is that a couple entrances in the multivox sections need to be cleaned up, as the panning makes it very clear when they are not together, and at times the drums lose their place. An easy clean up if you ever want to come back to this song.

Third Cat
The lyrics seems pretty scarce and nebulous. I would have liked a more solid concept here, but it’s round 0 so it doesn’t really matter. Love the groove on this. The way you bring the drone in and out is really delightful, and as always, love how you match timbres. The drone is so complimentary to how you process your vocals. It’s delicious, with an overall effect like the Beatles a la magical mystery tour.

Lichen throat
And now for something completely different- a really lush and dense lyric, with a lot of florid imagery and a poetic meter that melts in your mouth. Beautifully done. Regarding the music: I’m liking the branch out into adding more effects on the mix. Iirc you write your music and finale and sing over the midi file, right? Are these effects (new guitar tone, reverb, panning) something you’ve been doing through finale, or are you exporting into a DAW? (If the latter I’m very interested in your process cause importing finale files to logic would be a game changer lol). The arrangement is everything I love about lichen throat music, especially that boomy, Tom heavy perc. Vox: these are sounding good. I like that you’re exploring more throughout your range than the last time I listened to your stuff, and the rhythm is much improved. The main issue right now is about 50% of you entrances are just a tad behind. I suspect this is because you’re waiting to hear your entrance cue from the arrangement. I recommend imagining you’re landing a split second before the beat when practicing these entrances. It will help you anticipate instead of follow and improve your timing as you get a feel for it.

Glennny
Lyric is a word salad, but a very pretty word salad with a lot of pleasing rhyming, assonance, etc. Love your voice on this track. The melody is interesting and you have a very sweet timbre to your voice. I love the “I’m gone I’m gone” line, it’s the catchiest part of this song for me. Very cohesive song over all, just wish the lyric was more than a list of things.

Nick Soma
Man I love your sound. The slightly panned alternating vox is so cool. Makes it feel like a council of concerned celestial entities are have a depressing meeting about polar bears. That little Glock breakdown? Wow. It’s such an intimate moment, and really punches you in the gut when it leads into the “will have died” line. The ooohs over its return are just wonderful. I love this song. Very sweet, very sad, not notes.

Ellipsis
This lyric does so much with so little, painting a really evocative picture. Such a little moment, but the whole world to the songs narrator. Very impressive. The arrangement is tight, reminiscent of beach boys, if they were from the 80s. My only real critique is your vocal technique- it’s well sung and well mixed, but I think when you sing, you shove to voice a little too deep into the back of your mouth, which makes it a little less agile than this melody calls for. Try bringing the sound forward a bit into your mask (ie, front of the mouth and in the nasal cavity); not too too much, just a bit to balance it out.

BSS
It took me actually reading the lyric to realize this was about the Salem witch trials (or just witch trials in general). It’s a good lyrical adaptation, but my original assumption was that you were mad at your girlfriend (guess I made an ass out of u and mtion). The arrangement is very jangly, in a classically BSS sort of way. I don’t think it’s my cup of tea, but it’s very you guys and I’m not judging so you do you. I like the hard pan back and forth guitar stuff. The build into the final round of Choruses it real great too. It’s the first point that I really feel like there’s a much needed shift in tone. Also like the swoopy guitars over the last chorus.

Moss palace
Congrats on the win! Getting Maniac vibes from the arrangement. It’s really well done, and sounds pretty much radio ready. My only critique is the drums sound a bit canned. I dunno if they need a touch more reverb to match the other instruments or what. Actually, yeah I think that’s it, and a touch more on the vox too so it sounds less like it’s sitting on top of the orchestration.

Max bombast
Damn love that opening. The reduced orch feeding into the big explosion, into the bass riff building into the vocal. I’m not sure what these lyrics are getting at, but they have a lot of heart and have the same urgency the music does, so good work! Let’s talk that falsetto flip- *chefs kiss* that isn’t falsetto, that’s genuine head voice and I am living for it. One of my favorites from the round, hands down. The way you orchestrated this music is phenomenal.

Boffo Yux Dudes
I do need this to be shorter. It’s just too even keeled for three and a half minutes. Even the bridge doesn’t feel like a big enough difference from the rest of the song. A couple options: bump up the tempo, get rid of most of the repeating lines, change the instrumentation as the song progresses, change the range of the arrangement (like, have a trebly chorus, a bassy verse, etc). Personally, I’d say all of the above.

Mama pills
This feels like the song that comes half ways through the first act of a Broadway play right when the shit hits the fan. It’s really beautiful. Regarding your record, I admire the live take - recorded all the way through one take, right? Very nice! A couple notes on the recording itself: we can hear the action of the keys on your keyboard as you hit them. I’ve had this in the past, especially with my weighted keys electric piano. If you move the mic farther away from the piano, particularly farther away from your hands, the mic is less likely to pick it up. If you had it close to the piano to pick up from the speakers, try turning up the volume and make sure the mic is equidistant from your mouth and the speakers so you don’t have to worry about the balance going out of whack. Of course, speaking of balance, this will take a few tries to get the positioning right, but once you have it, you’re golden!

Chewmeupspitmeout
The onset of the song is a bit abrupt. It sound like the attack it cut off a bit. I know logic has a function that lets you drag the start of the song to a ‘measure 0’ - if the daw you’re using has that feature, I would use it so there’s room for the music to start. As for the orchestration- its really cool all the moving parts you have, and you are sooo close to getting it, but the timbre don’t quite align in a pleasing way. They are really disparate in a, for me, off putting way. I recommend taking a listen to third cats stuff- the attention to timbre there is really masterful. You don’t even have to change up the patches you use- just play with the levels/eq/pedals/etc to bring them to a more unified place. I guess specifics would help; I’m synesthetic, so here’s an analogy with tactile texture: the midi cello is like running your hand up a piece of dried out firewood with the grain, whereas the sine wave patch you have is like the closed off end of a glass test tube running up and down your arm. Neither of these are bad, but they are very different. To follow the metaphor, I would rec sanding down the firewood a little bit and making the test tube that matte translucent texture. I hope that made sense lol.

Crownshy (shadow)
Love the imagery In your lyrics! It’s a really great collection of examples of how anxiety/pressure/expectation weigh on someone. It’s a lovely song, and your voice is so beautiful, but I want a little oomph in this song. The band feels a bit muted under you, but it needs to be to match your voice, and while I’d like to hear this song with a harder vocal take, I don’t want to change your voice cause it’s so lovely. So, what I’m saying is, I’d love to cover this song. Also- love that patch used for the solo. It’s a great change up in texture, but it too much to be disjointing.

Slime party
At first I thought your lyrics were kinda meaningless, but then I realized they were about doing this nur ein on the road. Very meta; I love it. Given your travels, really great job. I can hear the room you’re recording in, and the mix I think could benefit from sliiiightly more upper partials (not something I usually say); it’s just a bit boomy right now.

Eric Novak
I have a friend who just graduated with his PhD, and if he were musical, I could have sworn he wrote this. It’s a good lyric, an interesting concept, and a solid arrangement. The weak link is the vocal- your tuning is really off. You’ve got the breath under you, but I don’t think you’re using it efficiently. It sounds like you’re blowing out a lot of air with each line, and it’s causing you to prematurely run out of breath, and then you take several breaths in a line which would be much better if you did it in on breath (sink or swim or sink or *gasp* swim or sink or swim…). This can be addressed by having more control over your breathing - exercises like taking a breath for four beats, then exhaling all the air over the course of 4,6,8,10, 12, etc beats

Jimmy presto
No lyrics on the thread! But cool song. I’d sing this around a campfire

Grumpy mike
No lyrics on the thread! I like the song, great vibe.
“It's like opera for toddlers or something.” -furrypedro
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Heather. Redmon.
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by Heather. Redmon. »

Please take these with a grain of salt:

Berkeley Social Scene - This starts out with a hint of uncertainty with both the music and the vocals. Nice chorus, I like the bass. The song really picks up when the chorus kicks in a few times. This is a slow burner but it ends solid and grew on me the more I listened to it.

Bofo Yux Dudes - Challenge met despite some occasionally predictable rhymes. The lyrics aren’t bad. The vocal style is not on my list of favorites. And I really don’t care for the whispered bits, it’s confusing and a little creepy. This song made me smile though because it is so cheerful and upbeat.

Cavedwellers - You have a nice voice and the lyrics convey the challenge well. I like when this gets a little heavy towards the end. After a few listens, this tune was stuck in my head. The vocal melody is catchy. Ok, that solo feels a little out of place and unexpected but not bad. It just kinda comes out of nowhere. While the drums could have been fuller, the sparse approach adds to the atmosphere. This song made me feel dark, I like it.

Chewmeupspitmeout - This song weaves an epic tale. I like the way the music builds with the desperation of the woman. While “sink or swim” feels disconnected and seemed tacked on at the end, it still works. The change from winter to spring both lyrically and musically was too swift for me. I guess I just don’t like the vocals. It’s just not my taste.

Cybronica - You have a great voice with beautiful harmonies. I enjoyed the lyrics, they create a good visual story. Even though I don’t typically like piano, I like it in this song. The music flows well and fits nicely with the vocals.

The Dutch Widows - I didn’t think I’d like this due to the opening few seconds of the song, but I really do. I”m glad the music builds rather than staying the same as at the beginning. I like your vocal style even though it makes it difficult to understand the lyrics. But that doesn’t matter because this song is well-constructed. The dynamics between verse and chorus are pleasing. The music was interesting and kept me entertained throughout.

Ellipsis - While there may be occasional awkwardness in the lyrics, overall I can relate to them. Is it the autumn of my life?? I like the jangly guitars and the lovely little hook. I’m looking forward to hearing more from you.

Eric Novak - The opening had promise, the music is pretty good. But, when the vocals start they really let the song down. They are a little off rhythmically and It just seems like you’re trying to cram too many words in. The “sink or swim” part was way too much. I really don’t like the repetitiveness of the chorus.

Glenny - This rocks from the first note. Love the clever lyrics, pleasing harmonies, and delightful solo. This made me smile it’s so cute and sweet on the ears. I don’t mind the little bit of mud that was already mentioned.

Grumpy Mike - The beginning sounds like you’re bored with it all or at least somewhat detached, but then it changes in a good way. I like the drama of this song and the power of the chorus. However, the drums present a mixed bag, occasionally struggling rhythmically and feeling forced toward the end.

Jimmy Pesto - I like that the campy atmosphere, but the lyrics are rather sinister. The goofy lyrics and the matter-of-fact delivery, are one thing, but I just wanted it to rock which it certainly did not. I like your courage/urge rhyme. Good fun.

Lichen Throat - The vocals are a little off in my opinion. The song surprises with an unexpected outdoor theme.I wasn’t expecting an outdoorsy adventure song with this title, but this hits the mark lyrically. The music is interesting and that was a nice little guitar break.

The Lowest Bitter - This is an earworm, undeniably catchy. I like how the panning evokes the feeling of being underwater. The well-executed lyrics are catchy and really elevate the song for me. I like the approach to the challenge, it’s very subtle.

Mama Pills It’s impressive that you did this in one take (I assume), but maybe the piano could use another go. It is very repetitive. Maybe change it up a bit for the chorus. You have a nice voice and the lyrics are well written, I just can’t get with the piano.

Max Bombast - This sounds huge and it rocks! I love the shift from verse to chorus. The vocals are strong and rhythmically pleasing. This is well put together. You met the challenge well. Good lyrics. Finally a rocker.

Moss Palace - Right from the beginning this song grabs me. I like the lyrics a lot but “sink or swim” seems to be an afterthought. This could easily be called something else. I really like your voice and the musical arrangement is well executed. This is very polished.

Nick Soma - The story is interesting and goes in a different direction than I would have taken the title. The vocal space feels a little crowded at times. The music doesn’t hook me but it’s well written and recorded.

Slimeparty - this makes me shake my butt. While there may be occasional vocal imperfections in spots, this is fun and it rocks. It captures the spirit of the title and of round zero. I love that you did it while traveling because you just had to be in.

Stacking Theory - Really nice vocals. Both lead and backing vocals work well together. I like the length but it’s a little too slow. The lyrics could have totally fit a faster song but since they are so sad but I guess that fits the pace of the song.

Third Cat - This doesn’t really grab me right from the get-go. I think the music is effective, and the guitar solo is just fine. The “sink or swim” parts are a little too sing-songy for me. This is an overall good song, just not top of the heap.

Virgo Power - The high-pitchiness of the ominchord is too much for me. The vocals are listenable, but not my favorite of the bunch. The delivery seems a bit rushed in parts and I would have liked to hear some more percussion that I wish the bass line could follow more closely. I don’t like the “sink or swim”, parts, they don’t seem to fit with the rest of the song.

Crown Shy - Clever and smart lyrics, nice vocals, very pretty voice. This is what I’m talking about. A great song all around. My one complaint is the last bit of drums at the very end are off. It’s too bad you didn’t make it in on time, I hope you shadow again.
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by DutchWidows »

Thanks for all of the reviews above - always appreciated! I'm hoping to do some myself in the near future if I can.

The comments on the vocals in my Round 0 song - all totally fair! I had to rush to finish it off to go to an unexpected thing so I knew when I sent it that the vocal was on the wrong side of the line between intriguingly opaque and incomprehensibly muddy. But I had no time to rerecord or remix.
vowlvom wrote:
Tue May 30, 2023 9:21 am
The Dutch Widows - love the bouncy rhythm, is there actually a retro auto-accompaniment at the base of it all or does it just give that impression? It's cool how it starts out that way and then layers on bigger drums etc. I wish the vocals had a little more clarity - I'm not averse to a little vocal obfuscation but this song has a really nice soaring chorus melody and I think it could be a little more of a feature rather than getting a little swamped by the mix. The internal rhyming in the lyric is fun although some of those lines do feel like you're rushing to fit all the syllables in.
There were indeed too many words for me to sing comfortably, but it was fewer than I'd tried the day before... I chopped it down by about 30%, and probably could have chopped another 30%... It sounded better in my head than out of my mouth! The accompaniment at the start (and all the way through, although less noticeably) was a Casio PT-80 that I've had since the mid-80s. It makes quite a cool, if slightly limited, sound.
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Re: Nur Ein XVIII, Round Zero: "Sink or Swim"

Post by vowlvom »

DutchWidows wrote:
Mon Jun 05, 2023 7:19 am
The accompaniment at the start (and all the way through, although less noticeably) was a Casio PT-80 that I've had since the mid-80s. It makes quite a cool, if slightly limited, sound.
Hell yeah. I have a PT-30 and I do love a lot of those sounds. My shadow for Blind Spot has a few tracks of MT-65 on it, which is probably the old keyboard I find myself reaching for the most. Sometimes it's nice not to have a full-on synth with a million variables to play with, those Casios were just designed to sound Nice.
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