I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

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Pigfarmer Jr
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I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

*cough* *cough*
Last edited by Lunkhead on Sat Oct 23, 2021 9:42 am, edited 2 times in total.
Reason: make normal
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

Please put your lyric here: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=12185
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Lunkhead »

Songs posted!
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

Balance Lost: You've got the best of the 80's synth and melodic feel but your songs always seem current. I think your sense of rhythm is pretty consistently solid and driving without being heavy handed. The doubled vox works so damn well (I have no idea why I never even attempt to do that.) You lean a bit more toward pop than I usually venture but I enjoyed listening to this song.

Berkeley Social Scene: I really wanted to sing "I AM IRON MAAAAAAAAN" at that intro but you delightfully took it in a different direction. I like the vocal delivery. I like the guitars. I would have been tempted to speed this up just a bit to make the guitar work more fun but I think you've chosen wisely. Nice melodic bits all around. Solid bass. I like the playing on the drums. I didn't quite get the lyric, but this is an enjoyable listen.

Madame Breathehard: Mostly a soundscape which is okay but I don't much care for the vocal.

The Magnetic Letters: I really like the melody here. I think the spoken word is humorous. The doubled vox works very well, too. This is fun. It also seems loud.

mellfire: I like the rhythm and this was cool the first time through. Maybe a bit of quick wear out for me, though, on subsequent listens.

NeurodivergentNeroNexus: Little tyke has a pretty good vocabulary.

Pigfarmer Jr: I did this last minute and sent in the wrong mix. Sorry for the empty space both at the beginning and the end. Also, this is the first time I mic'd a drum kit and it both went better and worse than I worried it might. Something to build on, I think.

Robyn Mackenzie: Vox is a bit up in the mix (especially in the beginning), but I really like your melodies and the doubled vox are great, really great. Those little (synth/sound) bits under the chorus are cool. I really like the chorus melody. Did I mention that? Every time it starts it just feels right. My only reservation is that it feels like this song will "kick in" and have a big moment and it never really does. Long held distorted guitars or a faster rhythm with solid bass or... something. Still, it's one my favorites of the fight.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Stubby Phillips »

Robin Makenzie:
I like this because it has a great melody, a minimal background and a propulsive beat but it's also holding back a little -- plus omitting the expected and including the unexpected is a nice touch -- but it's reliable, unexpected to me ha. If I was able to make something this good, I'd randomize a few things and put another instrument or voice over the last minute or less. Your singing is great -- love it.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Caravan Ray »

I started recording a really dumb Kraftwerk inspired thing where a robot voice chanted 'monorail'.
I didn't enter.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by MellyP »

Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Sat Oct 09, 2021 11:28 am
mellfire: I like the rhythm and this was cool the first time through. Maybe a bit of quick wear out for me, though, on subsequent listens.
Thanks. Bit of a venture outside my comfort zone. Totally novelty song though. Glad you liked the rhythm. I had too many words this time and I didn’t want the song to be 6 min long. That’s the main reason for the spoken word strategy. Tough title!
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by furrypedro »

*BSS and PFJ, the names I've written aren't meant to be insulting. I'm just feeling whimsical.

NeurodivergentNeroNexus: Robochipmunk rides the rails! Kind of amusing and mercifully short. I struggled to understand the majority of what was said.

Bull Shit Sandwich: I dig the menacing rumble of the bass. The frippertronics keeps things moderately interesting, but the main melody isn't particularly memorable so the song struggles to stay relevant as it goes on. I think this would benefit from one or two (or three!) backing vocals. All of you guys can sing, and you all have distinctive voices so you should lean into the multiple vocalist thing more often. The lead guitar does most of the heavy lifting to hold my attention here.

Robyn Mack: Very competent piece of synthwaving. There's a noirish quality in the verse which reminds me of the band Desire, but the choruses take the song in a more Taylor Swift-type direction. I really like how it subtly builds the arrangement, and by the final minute there's a rich syncopation of percussive elements smoothed over with lush synths that keep things airy without overpowering the mix.

Mellfire: It's difficult to take this seriously, I guess it's not meant to be taken seriously. Performance-wise there isn't anything terrible about it, but I question the choices to have a spoken/semi-spoken verses and then a chorus which just repeats the title over and over. Aside from that, the music isn't really my bag, though it's not offensive. It does have a certain kind of throwback atmosphere which seems to straddle the 70s and the 90s.

Madame Breathehard: This title seems to have got people struggling lyrically, and this track is the biggest victim. Between the field recording/sample and electro sounds you've got the connection to the title covered enough without randomly saying "monorail" over the track. That part definitely doesn't add anything, and actually kind of spoils the mood you've created with the instrumental, which is a shame. The basic rhythm is decent and I like those distant synths washing through the track.

Magnetic Letters: I'm sure Clive would be proud of this ode to his memory. Who would want to be remembered any other way? I enjoy the whimsical, stream-of-consciouness feel to the lyrics. The samples are amusing and I'm sure it must have been satisfying to be given the opportunity to resurrect some out of date satire. The music pleasant and sunny, the guitars jangle along nicely although they sound a bit like something written for a discarded Backstreet Boys track that was canned for not being ballady enough.

Pre-Frabricated Jam: "I ate all of the cheese!" Now these are lyrics I can identify with. This is a peppy little blues rocker. I dig the riffing and the lyrics flow quite nicely with the chord changes. There is something slightly incongruous or anachronistic about the style and the theme. The vibe of this track seems to a reside in a time and place where electricity was only recently introduced, so I'm dubious about there being something as modern as a monorail to take you back to wherever it is you belong (somewhere like Wichita 1965 I'm assuming). Either way, I like the song, and although I like the acoustic version here, I also think it would work with some huge distorted guitars too.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

furrypedro wrote:
Tue Oct 12, 2021 10:30 pm
Pre-Frabricated Jam:The vibe of this track seems to a reside in a time and place where electricity was only recently introduced, so I'm dubious about there being something as modern as a monorail to take you back to wherever it is you belong (somewhere like Wichita 1965 I'm assuming).
And I quote the all knowing wiki page:
"The first monorail prototype was made in Russia in 1820 by Ivan Elmanov. Attempts at creating monorail alternatives to conventional railways have been made since the early part of the 19th century. The Centennial Monorail was featured at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia in 1876."

But your greater point is well taken. I'm not completely sure why this song didn't make it to electric guitar land. But I'm digging the acoustic guitar / bass / acoustic drum feel enough to try it again.

re: Wichita - I'm a tiger, baby. Fuck the red legs.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by furrypedro »

Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
Wed Oct 13, 2021 4:26 am
And I quote the all knowing wiki page:
"The first monorail prototype was made in Russia in 1820 by Ivan Elmanov. Attempts at creating monorail alternatives to conventional railways have been made since the early part of the 19th century. The Centennial Monorail was featured at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia in 1876."

But your greater point is well taken. I'm not completely sure why this song didn't make it to electric guitar land. But I'm digging the acoustic guitar / bass / acoustic drum feel enough to try it again.

re: Wichita - I'm a tiger, baby. Fuck the red legs.
1) As I was typing review that I was thinking that I should almost certainly be checking my facts before making those kinds of comments, but thank you for googling it for me! I always happy to learn random facts about stuff.

2) I think your arrangement was good. You made the right choice.

3) Re: tigers and red legs, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Are they college tiddlywinks teams?
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

furrypedro wrote:
Wed Oct 13, 2021 8:18 pm
3) Re: tigers and red legs, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. Are they college tiddlywinks teams?
Sort of. I went to school and live in Columbia, MO. Home of the Tigers (named after a union regiment formed to protect the area from confederate forces in the civil war.) Interestingly, Wichita is in Kansas which is home of the Jayhawks (also known as red leggers) which were named after union forces. So both the Jayhawks and Tigers were named after union soldiers in the civil war. The only difference being that the red leggers raped and pillaged and salted the fields of the Missouri border counties they attacked and the Tigers just protected their home turf.

So yeah, university mascots etc., I always thought it took a lot of pride to name your team after rapists and pillagers. But that's just a personal opinion.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by robynmackenzie »

NeurodivergentNeroNexus: Um. Not sure what to say about this. It’s fun?

Balance Lost: This is great, some 80’s synths combined with a kind of 2000’s indie feel. This was a tricky title and you nailed it. Great job!

Mellfire: Cool percussion. I wasn’t sure I’d be into this when I read your lyrics, but you really work them well. That vocal delivery is smoooooth.

The Magnetic Letters: Love the narration bits. Those harmonies are super well done. The lyrics tell a melancholy story without being overly literal. Nice.

Pigfarmer Jr: Glad you decided to enter the fight after all! This is really driving and energetic without overwhelming with distortion. Kind of a raw punk feel that I really dig.

Robyn Mackenzie: This got submitted pretty hastily and shoddily due to limited time and gear as I was housesitting out of town. I noticed all the mistakes after I submitted it (as one does), so went back and fixed some things so I would stop twitching every time I listened to it. (Mostly) better version is up on my Soundcloud if anyone cares for another listen.

Madame Breathehard: The train noises add a cool ambience. Love the chill beat. I kept waiting for melodic vocals to kick in and they never did, which was disappointing. Nice vibe overall though.

Berkeley Social Scene: Polished and engaging as always. Really cool chord progressions. A bit Depeche Mode-y, which I love.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Geech »

Balance Lost - I like the start on this, especially how you warm us up for the chorus, and really the entire song, by introducing themes here that are used throughout the piece. Overall, you do an impressive job building up from and stripping down to these elements. Your sing-songy talking in the verses is kind of forgettable, but makes for a good contrast when you get to the chorus and deliver some actual melodies, throwing back vocally the melody you introduced by a keyboard in the intro and repeated as a theme. The post-chorus half-time with a time signature shift is a cool break. I mean, it counts as four sets of sixteen bars, but it seems like 6-6-4. It’s too long, though - You should cut this part in half, and keep the bits with the vocals only. And keep the “riding the monorail” part in the higher register, the second time where you do it lower is not as good. I don’t really get the next “Don’t worry about this world” part. It’s kind of a verse breakdown, but it’s actually just more verse pre-pended with fewer things going on. You go through the verse/chorus/post-chorus cycle again, which makes sense and works. After you get back to the post-chorus you introduce the telephone vocal, which is engaging. You should keep the “riding the monorail” vocal going over the telephone vocal here and keep the length. And then I would end the song. The return to the verse doesn’t really add anything, especially since it doesn’t get back to the chorus. Maybe you could end with the “Don’t worry about this world” really repeated and broken down. I guess what I’m saying, is I think the talk singing is the weakest part of this song. It works to contrast with other more melodic parts but don’t close with it.

melfire - There is little I want to hear less about in a song than McDonald’s and its horrible food products, but somehow you worsened it when you asked “why don’t you look it up”. Dude, I’m not looking that shit up. I just never recovered from that line. And the verse rambles on for lines and lines, so many of them without any melodies. The chorus’ incessant repetition of Monorail is tiresome. Then the verses devolve into spoken word storytelling and it was very hard for me to follow and keep interest. I had to go to the lyrics page to see what you were going on about. On a positive note, I like your harmonies on the chorus and the whoas. Those are good. There is good bass playing. The ending where you actually take some breaths and leave some space in your Monorails, and introduce an overlapping background vocal - I like those. Much better.

The Magnetic Letters - The downtown Sydney thing is kinda funny, I grant you. But the spoken word insert I found tiring. This kinda reminds me of The Books - a band that heavily uses found and processed audio. There are definitely some good harmonies in here. I like the acoustic guitars. There is almost no space or repeated elements in your vocal lines except for the beginning, making it really hard to find a hook to grab onto. When your vocal goes into the higher register at 1:02, I like that. Is that a theremin to end the song? That is cool. But overall, this didn’t do much for me, I want more discernible hooks.

Pigfarmer Jr - I like the feel here, especially right in the beginning before the hi-hat and the vocals come in. And then it becomes a short acoustic blues that almost falls apart. Loose pocket. I like the use of the single vocal, too many songs in SF use doubling as a cover-up for bad vocals. I wanted some kind of a change at 0:50. A bridge or breakdown? I think you should’ve ended repeating “belong! belong!” over the outro. Still, overall, a fun little tune.

Robyn Mackenzie - This is good. The instrumentation and skittery feel work well together. I like the first half of the verse a lot more than the stuttery vocal second half. And I want the spare verse to lead to a much bigger and hookier chorus, going to a higher register and more emotional release. You make some cool additions when the cycle repeats - the drum changes, the harmonies, etc. Maybe what I want is for the second chorus style instrumentation and harmonies to be the first chorus and for later choruses to be even bigger. I really hear overlapping background vocals in my head over the last chorus. I like the additions of the big drum and chimes and the way you end the song.

BSS - Glenn (guitar), Martin (bass) and I (drums) wrote this song via a jam two Thursdays ago. We then recorded it live, doing 5 separate takes. This was the best one. Ken (keys) and Sam (rhythm guitar and space guitar) added their parts as overdubs later. After doing a rough mix, I wrote lyrics and recorded the vocals. It seemed we were going for an Interpol and antecedents kind of vibe - gloomy. Lyrically, I thought of a Blade Runner kind cityscape where the narrator’s plan with his old pal to bring some freedom to an oppressive social order unwound into failure. I wanted a lonely feel to the song so I didn’t do any background vocals or harmonies.

If anyone is curious, BSS often does not do group vocals, because we generally get together one night per week and the person who records almost always does vocals alone at his house later. There is not usually enough time to bring in another to do backgrounds and harmonies, which have to be well thought out with the main vocal in mind and lyrics complete.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by MellyP »

Madame Breathehard - Interesting vibe but I was hoping for some vocals to kick in at some point.

Robyn Mackenzie - I like the deep synth and the way you added extra reverb and altered your vocal delivery to match works. Also enjoyed your subtle high harmony and the ending is good. What is that percussion sound and how did you make it? I was going to quibble with a claim that there aren’t many monorails that could take you to a “faraway place” because they are so expensive and thus short. Then I googled it to make sure. Fun fact: In China, the Chongqing line system's two monorail lines form the longest monorail system in the world, with the 56.1 km (34.9 mi) Line 3 being the world's longest single monorail line even if the 11.0 km (6.8 mi) Airport branch is excluded. You can take it to a faraway place. ANY....way good job. I liked it quite a bit.

NeurodivergentNeroNexus - Thanks for passing this along.

Balance Lost - An 80s thing going on. I liked how it starts and then how the smooth verses are upended by the very different rhythms of the “ride the monorail” section. I get a wistful feeling from this. I really could see the accompanying 80s video in my mind with the train rider(s) and the scenery going by so you caught the mood nicely.

Berkeley Social Scene - This is cool. Wall of sound and atmosphere. Echoey vocal performance is fitting. Psychedelic Furs’ Butler comes to mind. I didn’t get into the lyrics so much (my loss) but the music was good. The guitar work stands out for me, especially the riff around “Underneath the monorail tonight.”

The Magnetic Letters - There is a good melody here - and harmonies - but for me it’s interrupted in an unhelpful way with the real audio clips - even though I see why you’re putting them in there. Would have liked those facts incorporated into your sung parts. The bass was mixed pretty low. Drums are clear. An interesting take on the SF challenge. Good job.

Pigfarmer Jr. - You are the only one who chose to write a true rocker in this fight. I think the descending chord structure is really great “to ride the monorail back to the place…” and the drums were nice. The false ending was a surprise. Would have liked it to be longer and have more structural elements. On repeated listens, I enjoyed this more, fyi.

Mellfire - I did this. It wasn't to be taken seriously. More of a novelty song that I hoped some would find humorous in a few sections. It’s very different from everything else I’ve done and the exercise of doing it was useful, although I’d certainly do it differently next time. Appreciate the comments on it, which are helpful.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Merle Fyshwick »

Balance Lost: As always, super-tight! The timing changes are smart. I really like the twinkly arp in the chorus. Pretty good!

Berkeley Social Scene
: Yeah, that chorus is anthemic. I reckon it's identifiable as a B.S.S. tune, but less so than normal, which is nice! Ha - the filter twiddling at the end - is that like the pantograph of the monorail on the lines?

Neurodivergent: I'm a fan of pitch shifted vocals, so props for that! It came and went quickly - like a monorail carriage:)

Madamebreathehard: I remember mildly ribbing Jim of Seattle in the Secret Handshake fight about whether it counts as a song if you just sing/say the title. In that case, I didn't really think it was valid, because I'm too dense to understand the mathematics he used or whatever. See, you have the train sounds, and that makes it totally valid in my opinion, and does somewhat evoke a train ride:)

Mellfire: This is my favourite so far. I'm a fan of the nostalgic style, 'cause you're documenting something (that might be obscure otherwise) in song, right?

Robyn MacKenzie: There's a bit of a common thread with this fight: that is a lot of the songs are synth-heavy. It makes sense, as monorails are (to me at least) retro futuristic. Great vocals. The production is really good. A well-crafted song. I've been listening to Eurythmics lately, and it sounds like it could fit in there somewhere.

Pig Farmer Jr: Another favourite, so spunky with the hard-strummed guitar, and a nice break from the synth-stuff. The whole thing is so "American" to my ears, and as Waiting for Guffman taught me, Missouri is the middle of the USA, or something. Got me with that little chord at the end!

Mag Letters (me)
: Obviously I love Clive James. This was part 2 of my super-efficiency drive as I now have a six week old baby, and I really want to be able to keep writing. Luckily his feeding allows me 30 minute windows to get it done. Lyrics are not that polished, oh well. I think I like it.
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Re: I hope it's not contagious (Monorail reviews)

Post by Lunkhead »

Balance Lost wins!
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