You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Discuss upcoming, current, and previous song fights.

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Chumpy
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You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby Chumpy » Tue Feb 14, 2017 12:50 pm

Make 'em pay!
"Nice and quirky. Like the lyrics, but Is this arty enough for Songfight?" --Spud
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Re: You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby Lunkhead » Fri Feb 17, 2017 6:41 pm

Songs posted.
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jack
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Re: You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby jack » Mon Feb 20, 2017 3:16 pm

Been awhile!

The Fonzees: I dig it. Stoogey. I like all the overdrive. As cliche as it sounds, thumbs up!

Wreckdom: I dig it. It's odd. But I remember that's kind of your thing. The mix is busy but solidly done. Maybe needs more screaming vocals or something to break it up a little. Needs cowbell.

Unsharp Mask: Not really digging it. Sorry. It's not terrible. The longish intro has a very 80's vibe (like early Cure) and the vocals are kind of distracting. Sharp ending. Needs more layers maybe. And a gaussian blur perhaps.

BSS: I dig it. It has kind of a late 80's vibe too (Replacements meet early U2), good arrangement and execution too. I liked it more each time I listened to it. Nice hooks.

Jerkatorium: I dig it. I really like this one too. Great bass intro and just a solid arrangement chock with hooks. Not sure why but it feels like the energy drops off a little on the chorus, but the verses kick (love the harmony vocals too)
"I've never wished a man dead, but I have read some obituaries with great pleasure." - Mark Twain
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Chumpy
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Re: You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby Chumpy » Mon Feb 20, 2017 3:58 pm

The Fonzees: I love how thick and present the bass is on this song, so heavy and good. Distorted vocals sound badass. Dig the breakdown at the end. VOTE.

Wreckdom: I like the concept, not everyone is cut out to be a Dominatrix. The spooky theremin really works, and I like the odd percussion too. The vocals are pitchy in places. Overall I found this interesting, but not exactly catchy.

Unsharp Mask: I like the grunts and squeals. Your trademark non western sounding melody is here, which is starting to grow on me a bit. I like subject matter too. Still though I think the vocals are hurting the song. They're mumbly and can use some clarity. The vocal melody is also uncertain, and more careful attention needs to be paid to the pitches.

BSS: The usual elements are here, like Glenny's standout guitar playing and Martin's expressive vocals. I hear the 80s influence Jack mentioned, and I quite like it. The cap-gun sounds on 'bang, bang, bang' are great, followed by the 80s synth bloops might be my favorite part. Of course I think it's weak that you didn't use the title in a hook anywhere, but that probably says more about me than you. VOTE.

Jerkatorium: I originally wanted to write a song titled Slave Girls of Gor, but hey, this was close enough.
"Nice and quirky. Like the lyrics, but Is this arty enough for Songfight?" --Spud
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lichenthroat
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Re: You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby lichenthroat » Tue Feb 21, 2017 1:14 pm

Good fight, everyone. I genuinely liked everybody else's songs.

Berkeley Social Scene—This is sweet as punch. I really like the rapid guitar notes. The gunshots are well placed in the context of the song. Overall, everything’s good, nothing’s bad. My favorite of the week.

The Fonzees—Great beginning. The overdriven guitar sounds good. I know the distortion on the vocal is intended to match, but scaling it back a little bit might have been preferable. I like the drum solo at the end.

Jerkatorium—Ah, a John Norman appearance! I like the imaginative lyrical take, and the music is good too. The lyrical content and the overall tone of this song remind me of a band called Five Year Mission, which is producing a song for every episode of the original Star Trek. (I know this sounds like it would be terrible, but the band is actually quite good.)

Unsharp Mask (me)—I released this under a different band name because I had a feeling I might be embarrassed by it in the not-too-distant future. The lyrical content is pretty far out of my comfort zone. As usual, everyone’s criticisms of my vocal are valid. After I wrote the music, I found I couldn’t both sing the song at its proper speed and breathe at the same time, so I slowed it down, recorded the vocal, and then sped it up to the proper tempo. For once, this song turned out less weird than I had in mind. (If I knew to write a song without the non-Western sound, I would (sometimes)). I wanted the vocal to sound heavily processed, so I tried piling on the reverb, but that made it incomprehensible. Instead, I ended up putting a 0.05-second echo on it, which, surprisingly, seemed to make the clarity a little better (not that it’s good, mind you).

WreckdoM—I like the rhythm, as well as the unexpected lyrical content. The vocal performance is good, too. This is my favorite of your recent submissions.
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Chumpy
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Re: You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby Chumpy » Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:45 pm

Thanks for the review Lichenthroat, I'm glad you liked it and grokked the John Norman homage! It shouldn't surprise me though, as I've enjoyed your deeply nerdy song subjects in the past. I listened to a few Five Year Mission tunes, pretty cool! I hear a Darkest of the Hillside Thickets sorta vibe, who are cut from very similar cloths.

One thing you might want to try in the future is to build a song around your vocals, instead of the other way around. I think your voice has a lot of potential, I heard Love Will Tear Us Apart playing in the car dealership this morning while I was waiting for some maintenance to be done this morning and I thought of you. You have a deep voice with good character, you just need to tame and focus it some.
"Nice and quirky. Like the lyrics, but Is this arty enough for Songfight?" --Spud
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lichenthroat
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Re: You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby lichenthroat » Tue Feb 21, 2017 9:36 pm

Chumpy wrote:One thing you might want to try in the future is to build a song around your vocals, instead of the other way around. I think your voice has a lot of potential, I heard Love Will Tear Us Apart playing in the car dealership this morning while I was waiting for some maintenance to be done this morning and I thought of you. You have a deep voice with good character, you just need to tame and focus it some.

Thanks for the encouragement. Your suggestion is probably good. I've never tried to sing in any remotely serious way until I started on Song Fight, so I'm not even sure how to go about attempting to follow your song-building advice, but I will definitely give it some thought. And I'm honored to have been a small part of your car repair experience.
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Geoff WreckdoM
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Re: You've been a bad songwriter! (Dominatrix Reviews)

Postby Geoff WreckdoM » Mon Feb 27, 2017 8:01 am

Unsharp Mask - I immediately like the energy, the odd, disjointed but still rhythmic driving of it. When the vocals come in, it’s a disappointment. You’re rushed and nothing is intelligible, which is too bad because your lyrics are punchlines. When I write mouthfuls that will have me running out of breath I do two takes, lines 1 & 3 on one take, 2 & 4 on the other. Even if you weren’t running out of breath it would still be difficult to make out what you’re saying due to where you are in the mix. The moans cut right through though, and are a nice touch. I don’t know how you got Conway to do that, does she have a sex tape I don’t know about? If so, I DO NOT want to see it.

Berkeley Social Scene - I really dig the combo of synth and guitar tones, they work together great, reminds me of Men at Work. Their interaction is really fun throughout the song. The vocal energy is a mismatch, the super serious, vocal straining guy is singing for a different song. Song carries on for too long after the solo. Nice lyrical moments throughout.

The Fonzies - If Happy Days had more Fonzies in it, it would’ve been a better show. House of Fonzies would’ve been a better spin off than that Joanie loves Cochi horseshit. Anyway, I like the guitar tome a lot and the progression, kinda Queens of Stone Agey. Vocals are a good match. Mixed well. I feel like it could use one more good idea. Your hook is really in that guitar, there is no vocal hook. Could have used a better ending than “any landing you can walk away from”, but I liked it overall.

Jerkatorium - I dig the song’s attitude, and the bubblegum backing vox. I would have made some different mixing decisions, like more organ coming out as it really matches the feel of the song better than the canned drums that drown out stuff. The organ changes too, where as the drums don’t, so it’s difficult to find the big difference between verse and chorus, there is a pop from one to the other but I can’t hear it, right below the vocals are the drums, that don’t change at all. I really enjoy this song, gets a little long at times, the samples as it closes are great.

I voted for everybody! Congrats!

WreckdoM - My cold/allergies, and lyrics that make more sense from a female perspective, has Mel delivering it vocally this week, with Laura on backing vox. They both killed it, and I always get a big kick out of other people reading something I wrote. Mel also on acoustic bass and guitar. I was pretty happy with my Theremin take. This was fun to do. Best WreckdoM of the new year (IMO) so far...
"perhaps the most offensive and disturbing image I've ever heard in a song" - Hans Gruber

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