I don't know how to tell you this... (Difficult Reviews)

Discuss upcoming, current, and previous song fights.
User avatar
the idiot king
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 332
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 1:28 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Keys, Programming, Stuff for Hitting
Recording Method: Logic Pro X
Submitting as: The Idiot Kings
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Derry, NH USA
Contact:

Post by the idiot king »

Paco Del Stinko wrote:Idiot King - The guitar line is annoying by nature. And by way of explanation versus excuse regarding dirt, I recorded the song the day before due and mixed on the day due. I'm not sniveling or complaining by any means, I appreciate your comments.

Also: EQ and compression are still often challenging to me, and I'm using new to me compressor plug-ins (I record on a Roland all in one jobby, it's perfect for me) hence the dirty sound, I believe. Thanks again for your comments.
cool, i don't want to sound snobbish or anything. if you want advice on anything, let me know...i'm not the best here, but i have some experience with EQ and compression and whatnot.
"You know the change will do you good."
-Gang of Four
User avatar
Paco Del Stinko
Hot for Teacher
Posts: 3542
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:20 am
Instruments: Basic rock, at a basic level.
Recording Method: Roland 2480
Submitting as: Paco del Stinko
Location: Massachusetts. God save the Commonwealth!

Post by Paco Del Stinko »

IK - Oh no, you don't sound snobbish at all. And I appreciate your offer. I've been trying to follow some suggestions you had put in a drum recording section here some time ago and they have helped me quite a bit. I'm a bit slow though. Thanks!
Bringin' the stink since 2006.
User avatar
Leaf
Jump
Posts: 2438
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 2:19 pm
Instruments: Drums, guitar, bass, vocals.
Recording Method: Cubase
Submitting as: Leaf 62, Gert, Boon Liver, Leaf and Twig, Tom Skillman, A bunch of other stuff.
Location: Campbell River, B.C.
Contact:

Post by Leaf »

the idiot king wrote:
leaf and twig- this is more primus than bungle, and i really wish that were reversed. great recording, again, even if the vocals are primus-style annoying to me. how do you record?
Thanks for the review!

Right now, I'm using cubase with an M-Audio Delta 1010 sound card and a berhinger 32 channel digital board. For the drums on this one, it's my roland td-7 drum kit. I prefer using live drums, but... wasn't able to this time due to time constraints, neighbours, and more importantly I have a hard time micing the kit for "twig" (my brother) as I'm disabled right now...
Kinda hoping we'll do one more tune this week as he's heading back home at the end of he month... and hopefully we'll get the kit going. Those rolands don't sound too bad though... probably sound in some ways better than a kit.. I dunno!

The bass and guitar are all recorded as single take performances plugged into a direct box, with the thru put routed to a BOSS Micro BR which I used as my sound module while playing. This allows me to avoid the mild latency my system has due to teh underpowered pc I use. I find it very difficult to play to tracks using the cubase monitoring on my system.

The amp tone is generated by the Warp VST plug in... I really dig that thing. I set up the tone dials pretty much the way I run my live amp, and it sounds similar, but better! I also slap some mild compression on it, and scoop a bit of the bottom out cause I like the bass guitar to have some room.

Most of the delay tones are actually copies of the tracks slid over a few seconds to my ear's preference. For me, it's a fun way to create delay.. and it has the added bonus (on my system) of saving some processing power. For some reason a copy of a track consumes less than the delay plug in... although mostly I was doing it as an experiment.. I liked the results. PLUS that way, you can work the panning of the delayed sounds, and I was able to increase some of the distortion on the delayed tracks, which I like cause it gets this neat, fuzzier sound on the delays while the central tone is clearer...


I like to use side busses on the drums for extra compression, with the highs scooped out, and it seemed to wash the electronic drum sound out a bit and makes them sound a tad more real. I remember Adam! (Puce) had some tips on making electronic drums sound more real... but I forgot them, so I tried to make up my own...

Vocals are done with a marshall condenser mic (the $300 variety) while sitting in a chair with my broken leg propped up on the desk! Just some compression.

I recall some comments in the past about "common air" in reference to my reverb choices, so I routed all tracks to the same reverb plug in, although at varied amounts.. trying to create space. I don't know alot about that though, so it's kinda hit and miss guess work. I don't know if I achieved the result, but it's what I did.

I am aware that some people don't like my vocal styles. I'm over it...I sound like me, and really, I love it... I feel what I did really fit the music (and my ability level of course) and so... for those that don't like it.. no worries, it's not for you then! But it's rockin my face off... and I stand by it!

Thanks again for reviewing, and for those that have reviewed thus far.. it certainly is nice to get feedback eh? I think I might go for the random baskets of fruit style of reviewing this week. That or a playoff... I haven't' decided yet...
Image
User avatar
the idiot king
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 332
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 1:28 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Keys, Programming, Stuff for Hitting
Recording Method: Logic Pro X
Submitting as: The Idiot Kings
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Derry, NH USA
Contact:

Post by the idiot king »

huh...the drums sound excellent.
"You know the change will do you good."
-Gang of Four
User avatar
Paco Del Stinko
Hot for Teacher
Posts: 3542
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:20 am
Instruments: Basic rock, at a basic level.
Recording Method: Roland 2480
Submitting as: Paco del Stinko
Location: Massachusetts. God save the Commonwealth!

Post by Paco Del Stinko »

Leaf - I dig that recording process post, it's nice and detailed without getting all geeky. And, not being defensive, I like your voice just maybe not all of what it's doing here delivery-wise. You kidding? Captain Goonage, moi, can not call the kettle black.
Bringin' the stink since 2006.
jackfrost
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 161
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:36 am

Post by jackfrost »

just to be difficult, i'm implementing a bracket system to determine my vote. for the first round, i'll be focusing more on overall impressions and inventiveness of sound to take the field from 30 to 15. the face offs will be in alphabetical order.

Face off 01: Adam Adament vs Barrels, Leaves, and Strings

Face off 02: Blues Manufacturing Facility vs The Boiler Room

Face off 03: The Booty Chesterfield Trio vs David Lost

Face off 04: Eddie Lance vs Emperor Pilaf

Face off 05: The Idiot Kings vs Jach S

Face off 06: Jim Tyrrell vs Leaf N’ Twig

Face off 07: Lockheed Symphony With Gritty Teeth vs Lord of Oats

Face off 08: Max the Cat vs MC Paul Denyer

Face off 09: MEATKNOB vs Melvin

Face off 10: Mime vs Northside Hindus

Face off 11: Paco del Stinko vs RattPoizon

Face off 12: Rio Mondo vs Steve Durand

Face off 13: Surf Rock Manufacturing Facility vs Thanks for the Frisbee

Face off 14: TV's Kyle vs Wages

Face off 15: The Weakest Suit vs The Worldly Self-Assurance

The Winners
Barrels, Leaves, & Strings
Blues Manufacturing Facility
David Lost
Eddie Lance
Idiot Kings
Leaf N' Twig
Lockheed Symphone with Gritty Teeth
Max the Cat
Melvin
Northside Hindus
Paco del Stinko
Steve Durand
Thanks for the Frisbee
Wages
The Worldly Self-Assurance
Last edited by jackfrost on Tue Dec 18, 2007 6:47 am, edited 6 times in total.
User avatar
wages
Panama
Posts: 987
Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2005 3:16 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Rhythm Guitar
Recording Method: Zoom h4n, Audacity
Submitting as: Wages
Location: The place that never tasted so good
Contact:

Post by wages »

jackfrost wrote:just to be difficult, i'm implementing a bracket system to determine my vote. for the first round, i'll be focusing more on overall impressions and inventiveness of sound to take the field from 30 to 15. the face offs will be in alphabetical order.
Brilliant idea! What about double-elimination? ha ha! I guess that will pit me against Weakest Suit OR Worldly Self-Assurance. Well, round one was fun, I hope ya'll enjoy round two w/o me.... :)
Wages - Hoglen & Wages - The Affirmative Mention - Gawking Urethras - The EAF - and more
jackfrost
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 161
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:36 am

Post by jackfrost »

you'll be going against tv's kyle. i just haven't had time to do all of round 1 yet. i can only do so much non-work at work.
User avatar
Leaf
Jump
Posts: 2438
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 2:19 pm
Instruments: Drums, guitar, bass, vocals.
Recording Method: Cubase
Submitting as: Leaf 62, Gert, Boon Liver, Leaf and Twig, Tom Skillman, A bunch of other stuff.
Location: Campbell River, B.C.
Contact:

Post by Leaf »

the idiot king wrote:huh...the drums sound excellent.
Oh sorry, I didn't mean that they didn't sound good!! I meant that, as a drummer, I prefer live drums for playing. Specifically for cymbals and MOST important, hi hat. sometimes, I mic up the cymbals and hihats and use electronic pads for the drums... electonic kits, even the best of the best ones, still can't reproduce a hihat 100%.

Also, from a "learning point of view" micing a kit and trying to capture, or process, or capture AND process the sound is rather interesting.


sorry if Iwas misleading... and I''m SOOOO stoked on my Bro's playing... we have 14 years between us, so hearing him deliver and have some chops and some style is sooooo fucking awesome. I remember, being 14, looking at the little guy (who now towers over my by 5 inches!!!) wondering when we'd get to hang out and ... just hang. Well, it's now... and it's been awesome.
Image
User avatar
Leaf
Jump
Posts: 2438
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 2:19 pm
Instruments: Drums, guitar, bass, vocals.
Recording Method: Cubase
Submitting as: Leaf 62, Gert, Boon Liver, Leaf and Twig, Tom Skillman, A bunch of other stuff.
Location: Campbell River, B.C.
Contact:

Post by Leaf »

jackfrost wrote:just to be difficult, i'm implementing a bracket system to determine my vote.

Well, I suppose I WON'T do a playoff then, and I'll have to go with the fruit baskets... although, I do think you'll need at LEAST a best of five for your finals man. To keep the suspense going... heeheh.

WAGES: thanks man. I'm not offended by comments on the vox, that's what I meant by "over it"... no worries. I know I'm not perfect... sure, sure, to the naked eye it may appear that way... :wink:
Yeah, but you know, don't let the admission of me liking what I"m doing dissuade anyone from a suggestion that could point me in a better direction! you never know unless ya listen. I try to tell myself that...
Image
jackfrost
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 161
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:36 am

Post by jackfrost »

sorry, i thought you meant that you were going to something different. when you said playoffs i imagined you were going to do all kinds of wild cards and possibly bowl games and such.
User avatar
Leaf
Jump
Posts: 2438
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 2:19 pm
Instruments: Drums, guitar, bass, vocals.
Recording Method: Cubase
Submitting as: Leaf 62, Gert, Boon Liver, Leaf and Twig, Tom Skillman, A bunch of other stuff.
Location: Campbell River, B.C.
Contact:

Post by Leaf »

jackfrost wrote:sorry, i thought you meant that you were going to something different. when you said playoffs i imagined you were going to do all kinds of wild cards and possibly bowl games and such.

Well, you're kinda doing the bracket basketball thing, which is a bit different than my hockey style playoffs... just fucking around though man, I like where you're going with it. It makes it a bit more fun.

Hey.. fruit baskets is fun too.. you'll see.
Image
nicegeoff
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 65
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 12:50 pm
Submitting as: Aerosmith JR.
Location: West Grove, PA
Contact:

Post by nicegeoff »

Adam Adamant – There are great sounds in this. They fit together very nicely, too. The plinky piano is wonderful. Is that an SK-1? The other noises are great, too. The vocals could use a little something and the song itself is a little repetitive. You have great arranging talent, I just wish I could hear a new chord progression.

Blues Manufacturing Facility – I like how the groan-inducing introduction goes into this awesome Ween out-take when drums kick in. The section that follows is okay. Kind of early-Residents esque. Its hypnotic trails off after too much shredding, unfortunately.

Boiler Room – The white line is for loading and unloading only! This song is really rad. Surrealist narrative field recordings? It definitely pricks my attention throughout, and I like the sudden ending. I can’t explain why, but I’m sad when it’s over. One of the most entertaining of this fight.

Booty Chesterfield Trio
– I like the sounds of this recording. The basses and guitars (?) sound like wild, inbred dogs that have suffered from abuse. It doesn’t really go anywhere, though.

MC Paul Denyer
– The ghosty flute loop is pretty awesome, but I wish the drums were more bombastic. The vocals seem like they need more work. They don’t have much of a presence. I don’t think it’s a delivery problem necessarily, but more a mix/equalization situation…Though, sometimes it sounds like you’re bored when I want you to be starting an kick-ass party for my ears.

Steve Durand
– When the fake piano and drums are sitting naked on top of each other, I want to cringe a little, but once those horns come in, I swoon a little. The instrumentation is wonderful. The horns, like I said, especially. Good whistling, and the fuzz guitar section is great. The music’s great as well. My only complaint is that I wish the lyrics had some more dimension to them. They seem to rely upon stereotypes and cliché…Still one of the best ones in this fight.

Emperor Pilaf – I could deal with that voice as one section of a rap, but taking lead for the entire song? It is hard for me to cope. I do like the sound of the balloon deflating.

The Idiot Kings – The main chord progression, combined with its presentation and hideous real, yet synthetic bass doesn’t appeal to me. I do love the falsetto, reverby background vocal. This song’s strength is its middle eight. Those drum sounds are very cool, and it makes me wish you just expanded on this part. What a let-down when it goes back to the first part!

Eddie Lance – This song is oddly awesome in a Baz Luhrmann kind of way. The pride and defiance dripping off of the vocals comes off very humorously. The piano instrumental seals the deal.

Leaf N’ Twig
– Woah! Yikes! Badass alert!

Lockheed Symphony With Gritty Teeth
– The music is alright. Some lines are pretty good. It’s hard to make something successful with these robot voices anymore. I want the repo man to deliver my milk. The most exciting moments come at 0:48 and 1:41. I wish they happened more.

Lord of Oats – Oh man, I recognize that casio accordion setting! It sounds like the first note of the chorus is kind of difficult for the Lord to hit (har har). The bridge is kind of appealing. I like how it feels like the drummer is standing up. This song would benefit from a faster tempo and perhaps a lower key?

David Lost – You’re beautiful!

Max the Cat – I like the one-note-samba references you have going on. Cool chord progressions and all, but it just makes me long for the original thing. The French part is very nice, however.

Meatknob – I like the idea of combining of metal, electronics, and psyche, but the lack of melody makes me not want to listen to it again.

Melvin
– The intro/verse chord progression and arrangement totally reminds me of mid-90’s alternarock, in a great way. The chorus delivers with a big old Weezer assault. This is a pleasing song. One of the best in this fight.

Mime – Your rapping needs a little work. It sounds like you wrote the lyrics without considering rhythm and meter. The mixing needs work, too. The beat is not present enough, which only accentuates the underwhelming voice.

Northside Hindus – Oh snap! You only sent the fightmaster your drum track by accident. It certainly sounds cool. Maybe they’ll let you resend the actual version…Unless this an intentional “just to be difficult”, of course.

Paco Del Stinko
– I really dig the main guitar riff. The rest of the music doesn’t seem to live up to its urgency. The bridge is unnecessary. It’s like I want the whole song to have the feel of the double-time section at the end. I think I like this song in theory, but it would sound better if a 1960’s girl group was doing it.

Ratpoizon
– I enjoy how this song works on two levels. It approaches the idea of “being difficult” not only in lyrical content, but also in how it functions as a song.

Rio Mondo – Way too long of an introduction. I’m not a fan of this one, save for the line about eating a horse, which almost (but not really) makes up for the tired toilet humor and profanity.

Jach S – Too much shredding and not enough melody or interesting sounds.

Surf Rock Manufacturing Facility
– The main octave-voice narrative sections are a little exasperating. I like the onslaught of noise at around 0:54. The most exciting moment comes at 1:06, but lasts too little.

Thanks For The Frisbee
– The chorus is very nice, but borders a little close to Blink-182 territory. I think your voice works best when double-tracked. In general, the lyrics a little to hokey-jokey for my taste.

TV’s Kyle
– Sounds like a trip down the Toddler Highway. I have to agree with some other comments about the bridge being a little too Barenaked Ladies-ish…Which, for me is not a great thing. This feels more Greek Reggae than Geek Reggae. I wish the background vocals were the lead vocals.

Wages
– I like the sloppiness. I wish there was some association made with the hatred of technically-talented musicians and girl mentioned in the song. This song has some good ideas, but it just seems to lose focus after the first verse…When the bridge hits, I’m really sad at the direction the song has taken.

The Worldly Self-Assurance
– I love dual vocalists, even if the second sounds a little too much saddle-creek for me. I think the voices sound great together. The bridge is great. This is pretty good pop and one of the best in the fight. Not sure about the e-bow, either.

The Weakest Suit
– This track would greatly benefit from having a backing band or some other instrumentation on it. It is a nice song with good chord progressions. I love the chromatic melodic lines on the second section…But with just the guitar, voice and sparse overdubs make it hard to have repeated listenings.
make love, not music
User avatar
Thanks For The Frisbee
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 266
Joined: Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:22 pm
Instruments: mine
Recording Method: wishful thinking
Submitting as: Thanks for the Frisbee
Location: Washington

Post by Thanks For The Frisbee »

nicegeoff wrote:[ a little to hokey-jokey for my taste.
.
im offended...all of that really happened to me man. :?
Thanks for the frisbee is on Spotify, iTunes, Apple Music ect.
User avatar
the idiot king
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 332
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 1:28 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Keys, Programming, Stuff for Hitting
Recording Method: Logic Pro X
Submitting as: The Idiot Kings
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Derry, NH USA
Contact:

Post by the idiot king »

nicegeoff wrote:The Idiot Kings – The main chord progression, combined with its presentation and hideous real, yet synthetic bass doesn’t appeal to me. I do love the falsetto, reverby background vocal. This song’s strength is its middle eight. Those drum sounds are very cool, and it makes me wish you just expanded on this part. What a let-down when it goes back to the first part!
i'm amazed at just how divided everyone is about my song this week. that makes me so happy.
"You know the change will do you good."
-Gang of Four
jackfrost
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 161
Joined: Wed Apr 11, 2007 7:36 am

Post by jackfrost »

Round 2:

Face off 01: Barrels, Leaves, & Strings vs Blues Manufacturing Facility

Face off 02: David Lost vs Eddie Lance

Face off 03: Idiot Kings vs Leaf N' Twig

Face off 04: Lockheed Symphone with Gritty Teeth vs Max the Cat

Face off 05: Melvin vs Northside Hindus

Face off 06: Paco del Stinko vs Steve Durand

Face off 07: Thanks for the Frisbee vs Wages


Sitting out this round: The Worldly Self-Assurance

Winners:
Barrels, Leaves, and Strings
Eddie Lance
The Idiot Kings
Max the Cat
Melvin
Paco del Stinko
Thanks for the Frisbee
The Worldly Self-Assurance
max the cat
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2004 12:47 am

Post by max the cat »

Lord of Oats: All the wankyness works really well. The straining voice in this sorta demented circus back drop is terrific. French, Humm great minds☺

Barrels, Leaves & Strings: Frankie Valley and Ringo Starr put some their molecules in a giant cyclotron. In the ensuing collision there appeared a great light and barrels leaves and strings appeared in the firmament. This is inspired insanity!

Jach S: The guitar work is very interesting the song music wise is very good. I think the way Just to be difficult is set sounds rushed and left footed. The lyric seems to wander no where in particular but I love the music and the sparseness letting the song breathe.

Eddie Lance: I’m probably the only one in this fight that loves the spoken front and back. Yeah Just to be difficult I’m going to download this and listen every time I get too digital.

Jim Tyrrell: Good song, well played, I think it could work harder a little more twisted another layer I don’t know. There’s talent and skill here working at three quarter speed.

Blues Manufacturing Facility: Didn’t really like the intro but when the riff started I re- thought the intro… still didn’t like it but could appreciate it for it’s intent. Couldn’t make out the words but heck the whole thing suits my twisted nature just fine.

Paco del Stinko This is too good to have pitchy vocals . The woo woos need to be in tune. but a really fun song.

Leaf and Twig: Damn each song is better than the next. Great production great …

The Boiler Room: YOW! All my teeth broke, I guess it’s a song but/ and it’s not with out merit.

The Weakest Suit: Lyric meanders into heaven where old Beatles roll their eyes
Max The Cat: I’m really honored to be in such good company this week. I wanted to write a lyric that was the melody, a tribute to all the one note songs I know and love. I only know two. And I actually don’t like one of them.

The Idiot Kings; I think it was T.S. Elliot who said “Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.” I think this song is genuine.

RattPoizon; An amazing stretched out groove, I could have done with out the shuffle twice, just developed the slo-mo more.

The Booty Chesterfield Trio; Like the slide no wait I don’t like the slide, gratuitous moshing, sometimes deconstruction is just deconstruction.

Thanks for the Frisbee: I want to meet a girl who loses weight to get back at me. I love the graze a brick wall end. Most smile making.

Wages: okay… um, okay i… okay

Mime: The bleached beats are very fresh, honkies not trying to be urban is a pleasant relief. The rhymes however… Money crummy? Too much gratuitous glass.

Surf Rock Manufacturing Facility: Alvin!

The Worldly Self-Assurance: A diamond in the rough, pitchy and the pocket is a little wobbly. But there are flashes of brilliance. Needs time and technique to catch up with the writing skills.

Lockheed Symphony with Gritty Teeth: Yow! All my broke teeth broke back, It’s too easy to make music these days. Loop de Loop even looped lyrics.

Steve Durand: Great lyric! I love that this song takes the title and really runs with it, hones it down to a fine point. Seems to me this is the point of Songfight. Nice work!

Emperor Pilaf: Again I like that this doesn’t sound urban. It has it’s own gestalt. I wish I had more time to dig through the rhymes and offer some constructive critique but too many songs not enough life.

TV's Kyle: I wonder if the lyric stayed in reality if it couldn’t have been more effective. Some times the rhymes try a little too hard. But that said I like this it’s fun And well put together… “Just to tune the difficulty.” ???

Meat Knob: Some sort of size compensation for just having a knob, I guess. Nothing here to really comment on. loud thrashing good for an 80’s rave, I’m sure there were words in there somewhere

Adam Adamant: Nicely abstractly twisted, monochromatic, I kinda like that, could have done without the distortion it jarred me out of my opiate torpor.

David Lost: Right out there just guitar yes. I can digest the song which is very good, I mean the song’s very good.

Melvin: Love the hook, the lyric, production the song, yeah!

Northside Hindus: Yes…I can see some guy in his basement so? Take it somewhere. Anoying the neighbors, practicing for a gig. but no just a waste of time.

RioMondo: See these guys are in the basement and it’s funny it’s not a song but it’s funny… sort of. Oh, there the song, Don’t like the hook but the thrashing is fun…sort of. Oh I’m not supposed to like the hook am I? This is really difficult. Self-referencing, like sarcasm hides a multitude of inadequacies.

MC Paul Denyer: There seems to be a trend in this fight for what I’m perceiving as white guys rapping and not trying to sound black. That said, I don’t really like the beats on this one, a little to wanky for me. And the black chicks go Doo de doo. But kudos for not trying to be gangsta.
User avatar
TVsKyle
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 82
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 3:10 pm
Instruments: keyboard, accordion, drum loops
Recording Method: Logic Pro X
Submitting as: TV's Kyle
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Burbank, CA
Contact:

Post by TVsKyle »

max the cat wrote:TV's Kyle: I wonder if the lyric stayed in reality if it couldn’t have been more effective. Some times the rhymes try a little too hard. But that said I like this it’s fun And well put together… “Just to tune the difficulty.” ???
If my lyric stayed in reality, I'd be bored out of my skull.
-Kyle A. Carrozza
http://TVsKyle.bandcamp.com
max the cat
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2004 12:47 am

Post by max the cat »

TVsKyle wrote:
max the cat wrote:TV's Kyle: I wonder if the lyric stayed in reality if it couldn’t have been more effective. Some times the rhymes try a little too hard. But that said I like this it’s fun And well put together… “Just to tune the difficulty.” ???
If my lyric stayed in reality, I'd be bored out of my skull.
I would quite agree but you are starting me out in a convincing reality
"She stepped on my toes just to be difficult.
She threw out my clothes just to be difficult.. "
Then you go to chalk I find that a bit of a stretch are you a school teacher or trying to find a rhyme for walk?

"She burned down my place just to be difficult.
Threw acid on my face just to be difficult.
She maxed out my card just to be difficult.
She totaled my car just to be difficult. "

Here you have the first two two fantasy and last to two reality.
Mixing the two worlds for me, takes the punch out of the song.
I like the maxed out card and the totaled car
Jumping back and forth between regular and high test confuses the engine.
I might buy it if you started with reality and slowly moved to fantasy, sort of a man being driven crazy by his sadistic girl friend but not juxtaposed like you have them.
Candy bars are more fun than carrot sticks, but carrot sticks are more nourishing. I would love to see this song dig deeper into the relationship and not into the science fiction. I suspect you were in this for the rhymes which is fine and fun but I see a really powerful song lurking under all the fun. You have strong lyric skills. You have something worth developing more. Sometimes the work is painful but the rewards are great.

Your chorus really needs focus. Here I would accuse you of rhymes for rhyme sake. Hey it's your song and you make the choices. This is just food for thought. Good song!
MTC
User avatar
TVsKyle
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 82
Joined: Sun Sep 26, 2004 3:10 pm
Instruments: keyboard, accordion, drum loops
Recording Method: Logic Pro X
Submitting as: TV's Kyle
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Burbank, CA
Contact:

Post by TVsKyle »

max the cat wrote: Here you have the first two two fantasy and last to two reality.
Mixing the two worlds for me, takes the punch out of the song.
I like the maxed out card and the totaled car
Jumping back and forth between regular and high test confuses the engine.
I might buy it if you started with reality and slowly moved to fantasy, sort of a man being driven crazy by his sadistic girl friend but not juxtaposed like you have them.
MTC
Now THAT I dig. I was going for gradual, but I'll certainly concede that it ain't gradual enough. When I go to make a more refined album version of this later, that's the first thing I'll try and fix. I may even run it past you, if you wouldn't mind being consulted.

Still, I've had enough carrot sticks shoved down my throat. All anyone tries to give you is another friggin' carrot stick. To me, a surrealist song about a woman's increasingly outlandish acts with the only explanation being "to be difficult" is more compelling then yet another song about a singer being driven to madness by someone's actions with the goal being to have everyone empathize. I'm not saying there'd be anything wrong with it, I'd just have no drive to write something like that. I'd find it completely unrewarding.
-Kyle A. Carrozza
http://TVsKyle.bandcamp.com
max the cat
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 49
Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2004 12:47 am

Post by max the cat »

Still, I've had enough carrot sticks shoved down my throat. All anyone tries to give you is another friggin' carrot stick. To me, a surrealist song about a woman's increasingly outlandish acts with the only explanation being "to be difficult" is more compelling then yet another song about a singer being driven to madness by someone's actions with the goal being to have everyone empathize. I'm not saying there'd be anything wrong with it, I'd just have no drive to write something like that. I'd find it completely unrewarding.
[/quote]

We are gods! We can make our choice of worlds. I love fantasy. I would however urge you to make each fantasy choice mean something to you and not create just for the sake of rhyme. I guess that's a chocolate covered carrot, forgive me. Anything I can do to help. I certainly don't want to turn your fine song into rabbit food.
User avatar
the idiot king
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 332
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 1:28 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Keys, Programming, Stuff for Hitting
Recording Method: Logic Pro X
Submitting as: The Idiot Kings
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: Derry, NH USA
Contact:

Post by the idiot king »

max the cat wrote: The Idiot Kings; I think it was T.S. Elliot who said “Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.” I think this song is genuine.
wow, thanks!
"You know the change will do you good."
-Gang of Four
Post Reply