You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

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jast
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You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by jast »

... and you'll get more reviews in future fights, so the fight for survival will continue. How fortunate!
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Lucky Spoon »

ahhhhhhhhhh ahmany reviews from the ahhhhhh ahdrahhhgon city
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by irwin »

Quick first impressions.

Lucky Spoon - Groovy and creepy bass vibe. Dig it. Intro is a bit overlong. Vocals are a little over-effected and difficult to understand. Nice transition between the slinky/creepy groove bit and the nu-metal bit. Bass solo! Feels like a great musical idea that didn't have a correspondingly great lyrical idea to go with it.

Metropological - Great synth intro, but too long. Drum sound is not quite fitting with the vibe of the synths. Wait, is this the intro or the whole song? I keep waiting for something to happen and it never does. The end.

Leslie and Jo Williams - Well played and recorded! The steel is especially tasty. I am left feeling that if you're going to do a straight 12-bar, there needs to be more going on story-wise to keep up the interest.

Manhattan Glutton - "Left right, left right out the door" I am a sucker for that kind of wordplay, love it. Nice cruncy vibe. The "na-na" bit goes on a bit too long for my attention span. The end feels flat. I'd love to hear this end in a huge crescendo, repeating "this time!" gradually screamed louder and louder until it all swells up into a huge wall of noise.

Montanna Fudge - I admit it, I laughed.

Shoehorn TC - I like this a lot. Not really enough here to keep me interested for nearly 5 minutes though. Mix of instruments is great, but could use more variety in texture. Kazoo solo is nice! I also like the tele volume pedal swells.

Paco del Stinko - Great growly synth beginning. I like the slinky guitar lines. Excellent work as always.

Bax - I laughed. I take it that was the point?

Pathetic Wannabees - Bass drum sounds like it's clipping and the rest of the kit is too quiet. Bass drum is also quite dull? Try changing the mic position to get more slap, less thud. Guitar could be louder. Bass has a nice groove.

Charles Lindbergh Jr. and The Aviators - Guitar sounds a million miles away. Take it direct or mic it closer? Ryhming "China" and "mine-a" sticks out. Isn't Godzilla Japanese? Some funny lines, but not enough to fill 4 minutes.

PiGPEN - I like auto-panned synth bit, but the volume swells are a little distracting. Nice change with the swoopy synth. The vocal cadence seems a little forced.

Zinkline - Vocals are a little over-verbed. A nice groove happening here, and a nice guitar solo. Feels like a good jam over which random fortune cookie lyrics are placed. Not necessarily bad, but not enough story to hold my interest.

Deetak - I liked the toy pianoish tinklings. This is basically the same as Zinkline, but I feel like you did a better job pasting the cookie texts in an interesting order. Your vocals could use some help rising above the mix, they are hard to understand. I'd have been completely lost without following along on the lyrics thread.

Rabid Garfunkle - This "music" sounds like it was made by some fucking douchebag with an expensive-ass computer setup. Seriously, though, I like the synth noodling, and the rant is pretty good too (could come up a little in the mix, maybe?) but there's not enough meat here for 3 minutes.

Diarrhea Dan - This is a pretty shitty song.

Steve Durand - Piano sounds a little lifeless. Is it mono? Perhaps stereo micing would make it sound a little livelier.

DuToVa - Great guitar sound, meshes well with the flanged vocals. I really like the bassline. Synth solo could stand out more. Lyrics are a little hard to make out in places.

Todd McHatton - Great sounds as always. I love the music, the lyrics don't really grab me. A little meandering, and goes on a little long.

Jan Krueger - I love the changes in texture as the song goes on. Fantastic harmony vocals. You did this in 4 hours? You are a machine, sir! Amazing. The jangly guitar over the descending bit is nice.

Ken's Super Duper Band 'N Stuff - Now that's a meaty piano. I don't know if I like the handclap. String patch is perhaps a little too much schmaltz. Acoustic guitar sounds fantastic, I like the stereo spread.

The Weakest Suit - I like that the first two verses have the parallel construction of beginning with oijia board and magic 8-ball and the third verse does not. It's just enough to throw the listener off balance and keep him interested in the payoff that comes at the end of the verse.
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by jast »

Back to reviewing in time, even if those are on the short side. If you'd like more details, just ask. C,L,F,P,M = composition, lyrics, feeling/mood, performance, mix/engineering. Most of the lyrics that haven't been posted to the lyrics forum are not reviewed (that's what the asterisk is for).

Bax -- 11/15
C:2 (pretty generic folk thingy) L:2 (I ought to hate you for this, but then I decided to let it slide) F:2 P:2 (those high notes... nuh uh. Vocals are fine otherwise. Maybe a bit out of rhythm sometimes.) M:3 (slight plosives)

Charles Lindbergh Jr. and The Aviators -- 9/15
C:2 (enjoyable but not particularly exciting songwriting) L:* F:2 P:2 (pretty wobbly vocals, sometimes melody is hard to make out. Please don't do falsetto vocals if you're not good at them) M:1 (fix your mono! I don't have a pair of speakers just for fun. ;) Also get better equipment if you can.)

deetak -- 13/15
C:3 L:1 (well, this is almost cheating. I'll allow it this once.) F:3 P:3 (it's still a bit disappointing to listen to you only using half of your vocal potential. By standard Song Fight measures, it's still great, though.) M:3 (great instrument sounds)

Diarrhea Dan -- started skipping in the second half. You had your chance. 3/15
C:0 (stolen, and the original bits aren't that great) L:0 (yes yes, very funny, yawn) F:0 P:2 (the interspersed vocals are pretty sucky.) M:1 (lots of clipping)

DuToVa -- 12/15
C:2 (sounds very, very familiar) L:* F:3 P:3 (great vocals, despite being very slightly off) M:2 (guitar is slightly clipped. Interesting delay/doubling on the vocals.)

Jan Krueger -- I had the initial idea and on the day before the deadline, irwin suggested the "something extra" which inspired arrangement and parts of the lyrics. Thanks, irwin! I spent about three and a half hours writing and recording the actual song and sent it in two hours early because I got the timezones all mixed up again.

Ken's Super Duper Band 'n Stuff -- 12/15
C:2 (minus points for borrowing from "Laudato Si") L:* F:3 P:2 (piano sounds as if it's off by at least a quarter note. I find the vocals to be a bit too edgy for this style) M:3

Les and Jo Williams -- 12/15
C:2 (pretty generic blues but great arrangement) L:* F:3 P:2 (slightly inaccurate and hesitant-sounding vocals. Good instrument stuff) M:3

Lucky Spoon -- 12/15
C:2 (Intro a bit long. Quirky. Would have liked more variation.) L:* F:3 P:3 (chorus vocals are awesome) M:2 (I find the delay on the drums a bit grating. Generally nice and punchy. Would suggest slightly brighter vocals. Oh, and boost them a bit.)

Manhattan Glutton -- 14/15
C:3 (the ending is a bit disappointing) L:* F:3 P:3 (very crunchy! You'll have to face more comparisons with Weird Al due to those nah-nahs, though, I'm afraid. Great vocals, by the way) M:3

Metropological -- 10/15
C:2 (hot! If only more things happened in it...) L:0 F:2 P:3 M:3

Montana Fudge -- 7/15
C:1 (very generic) L:0 (bah, you again, with the same old poo) F:1 P:2 (pretty average, skippy timing) M:3

Paco del Stinko -- 12/15
C:2 (guitar stuff is a bit on the meandering side. Fun arrangement and nice changes) L:2 (fun story. More of a resolution would have been cool) F:3 P:3 M:2 (some of the quieter vocals are a bit buried. Suggest trying to make the vox stand out more by EQ'ing competing stuff down)

Pathetic Wannabees -- 11/15
C:2 L:* F:2 P:2 (very loose timing in the vocals) M:3 (fun tone)

PiGPEN -- 11/15
C:3 (I'm completely sold on the synth stuff. Fun ideas in this.) L:* F:2 P:1 (vocals are rather inaccurate. Please don't do falsetto like this) M:3

Rabid Garfunkel -- 10/15
C:2 (the synth stuff is great fun, especially in this combination. The overall structure is rather boring, though) L:* F:2 P:2 M:2 (do I hear clipping?)

ShoehornTC -- /15
C:2 (great arrangement. Is that a reversed guitar? Song is a bit drawn out) L:* F:3 P:3 (I think this might have been better without vocal doubling throughout. Your vocals are definitely good enough for standing on their own. Near the end timing seems to be falling apart a little bit) M:3

Steve Durand -- 12/15
C:3 (awesome) L:0 (no lyrics detected. Still, this is the closest I've gotten to voting for an instrumental, so far...) F:3 P:3 (something's new here... I can't quite put my finger on it. ;)) M:3 (a few background noises, though)

Suckweasel -- 13/15
C:3 (energy in spades) L:3 (resonates with me. Interesting angle, too) F:3 P:1 (okay. You've got a very nice voice. So please practice hitting notes! You're sort of wasting it here. I've heard better performances from you) M:3 (I think I might have tried different delay/reverb stuff on the electric guitar)

Todd McHatton -- 13/15
C:3 (nice changes) L:* F:2 P:3 M:3 (well, you know my opinion about your vocals in the mix, methinks)

The Weakest Suit -- 11/15
C:2 (I think the a cappella parts don't work in your favour. Likeable song, though) L:2 (you failed the unofficial optional challenge, I'm afraid. Points for the 8-ball idea) F:2 P:2 (want to guess?) M:3 (but try another reverb, perhaps with slightly less early reflections and more tail.)

Zinkline -- 9/15
C:2 L:2 (I like the idea but I think it's a bit overused here) F:1 P:2 (you're going way beyond your vocal limits there... at least that's what it sounds like.) M:2 (ouch, that vocal reverb sounds awfully metallic)

Votes go to deetak, Manhattan Glutton, ShoehornTC, Suckweasel, Todd McHatton. And to myself.
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Manhattan Glutton »

"Hey guys, let's play more of Jan's songs!" Ringo exclaimed. John, disappointed, replied, "But I suck at a Capella arrangements!"

Later that night, the Beatles secretly voted Jan Krueger out, mostly due to jealousy. He went on to have a successful career as an internet musician, while the Beatles dwindled into obscurity.
Reviews to come...
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Rabid Garfunkel »

Lyrics, such as they are, are posted.

irwin: Cheap-ass computer system. Cheap-ass. :wink:

jast: yes, yes, you do (hear clipping). For some reason, holding a note for more than 4 measures on the Micron's [analog synth, if anyone cares] TomSawyerBass patch blows out the levels. :roll:
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Lucky Spoon »

@"intro too long" comments.

come now... the intro is nearly non existant... whispered vox count as part of the song. :D i guess i knew the risk of submitting a songfight not centralized on vox the whole way through.
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Lucky Spoon »

jast wrote: Most of the lyrics that haven't been posted to the lyrics forum are not reviewed (that's what the asterisk is for).
Lyrics are up
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Paco Del Stinko »

Bax - Great open to the fight. Some clever lyrics on top of the right to the point delivery. Feels like you had an arrangement going and then dropped off all the other parts to go with the skeleton of the song. Good choice, although a backing vocal here and there might've worked.

Charles Lindbergh Jr. and The Aviators - Hmm. Mine-a? I'm hoping that the amps kick in while this gets going. The song's structure is fineenough and I like the chords in both verses and chorus. Melody is effective enough. I hate to bring it all to production but unlike the Bax song before this, a spiffy production would've turned this from a scratch-pad into a song, that and whittling a chunk of the end.

deetak - Stumbles a bit as it gets going but it finds its way soon enough and becomes quite effective. Goes from moody to moving. The melody is beautiful in spots, and nice all the way through. Love the piano and high backing vocals that come and go. Well, the excitable vocals later on may get too excited, but still, little flying magical faeries or something. Like the mood change at the end. Another wonderful song from you.

Diarrhea Dan - I like the rhythm here, warm and moving like a river. But the lame melody and vocal treatment is disappointing. The lyrics come across more as cheap than funny, and I'm quick to laugh at the word poop. Might've gotten away with this at a third the length. Not mad at you, glad you had some laughs.

DuToVa - Cool rock groove with a whiff of funk. I like the melody and build with the keys, they add some tension or anticipation. Could benefit from from some backing and harmony vocals. I mean, your voice is pleasant and has a nice serious tone to it, but like the keys, a simple harmony would add a lot, and layering would've been intense. I understand time restraints and all, so I get, just saying. Good song that could benefit as well from a sharp left hand turn somewhere to break it up a bit.

Jan Krueger - Almost jaunty, coming from you. Nice and sunny. Great melodies, of course, and sweet vocals. But it's the piano and oft overlooked bass line that help deliver this so effectively. Beat-box is a nice touch as well but ya know, it always comes back to your wonderful vocal work. Nice song, up there with your best.

Ken's Super Duper Band 'n Stuff - Is this more 'n Stuff than band? At first I thought it was going to be an outtake from the Grease soundtrack, but it settled into itself and became easy-going pop. I like how it opens up in the bridge, it could've stayed there for a bit longer and not suffered, at least on paper. Good tune, I feel as though you could've just thrown together in an hour or two.

Les and Jo Williams - This is nice, but needs either thicker croon or more sneering sleaze. For my tastes anyhoo. Along the lines of that nice slide bit going on. Nice arrangement and layering of instruments. I like it but feel as though the melody could be enhanced by either the aforementioned sleaze factor or some supporting vocals here and there. Incomplete ending as well.

Lucky Spoon - Great intro with the fretless and those alley cat sounds. Kind of starts falling apart right before the vocals but nice that it gets its act together. The heavy part is good but I think that the bass playing the same riff would've made it gigantic. Love the under water mood section right after, though, that's great. And back to kitty solo. Good tune for the overall weirdness of it and nothing goes on too long factor as well.

Manhattan Glutton - Nice fat hog bass, that's skanky in a delicious way. I didn't think that I'd like the na-nas, but they are quite effective, especially after they build into the relentless drive that they become. The section after that is best with the same bass line under the shape shifting mystic topping, great stuff that. A very good tune again, sir.

Metropological - Almost an anthem, but for what? The Mars Olympics or something. I guess there is a kind of Chinese element to this, if I picture stereotypical red lanterns and dragons and all, but I don't know that I would have done that having not been aware of the title. nice piece of music and I enjoy the synth patches very much as well, just hope nobody else reviews as you'll more than likely get slammed for lack of lyrics.

Montana Fudge - Loose front porcher, sounds like you're reading it off of the paper for the first time. Still, it's not about rape, but close. Are you who I think you might be? Hmm. Or just related to Diarrhea Dan?

Paco del Stinko - Another literal story, no hidden meanings or real depth. I do like some of the chorus lines, though, and guitarmonies were fun to do. Brief kazoo solo was fun as well.

Pathetic Wannabees - I love how you guys songs come in from an alternate universe where they are always playing. Great fun chorus and lyrics on top of sloppy good fun. There aren't many submissions here that relay the sunny god fun that you guys appear to have while recording. I would love to jam with you guys one day if that were ever possible and allowed.

PiGPEN - Great heavy and nicely disturbing chorus. The panning blips sound good but make me glad I'm not using headphones. I like the verses as well, and how they open up after the chorus, but a slight vocal variation might be nice. There's something un-nerving about this song and it makes me a little scared, but I enjoy it anyway. One of my favorite left fielders around here, you are.

Rabid Garfunkel - Who is that, the pissed off neighbor from downstairs? HA! A nice cup of percolating quirk, or percaquirk, if you prefer, this kind of travels in a circle but it's a pleasant little roundabout. It almost borders on madness after a while but hangs on to its reality grip stubbornly and without anger. Pleasant and not without psychedelic whiffage.

ShoehornTC
- Love the country-ish intro, missing only the bend up to a 2nd on a guitar or some slide action. Sunny chorus, offering a loving look at a cookie. I like the ease that this slides back into the verse, like it's been doing it forever but still glad to return. I enjoy the almost Camper Van-ish psychedelic touches to this, via organ. Hmm. We are kazoo cousins this week, apparently.

Steve Durand - Ha, I had thought of that intro riff as well, but figured it would be too Vapors-ish. Plus, I would never been able to turn it around so beautifully. Well, this must be the new piano, and it sounds great. This is a great example of an instrumental implying the title triggered, of course, by the intro. But with that in place, the melody with its chopsticks in motion feel works very well. Beautiful bridge. I hope that this finishes strong, especially because it is an instrumental. Great piece.

Suckweasel - So serious sounding, musically, with lyrics that while aren't goofy, lean towards humorous. Some good lines in there, lyrically, though. Solo is appropriate, if wimpy. I like this song a lot, and don't want it to end when it does, although that may very be well a key its success. Its brevity, I mean to say. Nice, just watch the vocal pitch. (yeah, coming from me)

Todd McHatton - Well, I liked this song in the EIN as well, even if I didn't say so. One of your stronger recent entries and I'm sure fits well with your cartoonery. Open and airy, this song, and easy to process. Sweet, but not all sugared up, this is nicely balanced. I might've preferred it a we bit shorter when the last verse comes in, but the chorus and all that stuff after it make it all OK.

The Weakest Suit - I like the lyrics here a lot, the guitar could be doing anything and is rather typical. Couldn't you drum another girl and game? Makes the stretched out ending just that. Regardless, strong stuff and worthy of re-examining. If I had a memory, I'd put this on a list of covers to do someday. (not trying to make you cringe!)

Zinkline - I like the almost goofy main riff. The two chord chorus and jam soars, going far with little. Nice nasty solo in both tone and performance, that's fantastic and great to hear you disregarding any wankage snubs to just crank it out. Love the feel of this and dig where the vocals boldly try to go, even if not always making it there. Be glad to stomp on the wah for a short break if I were allowed to jam with you guys.

If this were the only one vote days, I think that I'd have to go with Steve Durand, with probably Jan Krueger a close second.
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by womanonpiano »

Bax – The music rocked. The lyrics interesting.

Charles Lindbergh Jr. and The Aviators – I could not understand the lyrics. But I’m old. I don’t hear well. The melody was nice.

deetak – I liked it. It was rambling, but I like a good ramble now and again. I like being entertained and this entertained me.

Diarrhea Dan – What is wrong with you?

DuToVa – Funky. Good lyrics.

Jan Krueger – I like your piano. The lyrics and melody are very Beatle like. Good song.

Ken's Super Duper Band 'n Stuff – I like the movement in this song. It reminds me of some summer songs of the sixties. Sorta Dave Clark Five like. This is a song that could have been reviewed on American Band Stand. “I give it a five, Dick, cause I can dance to it!!!”

Les and Jo Williams – For a first entry, this is a good effort. God knows the piano player is good. Oh, and the lyrics rock. Regarding the slide: Woohoo! And the male vocalist sounds like he would be good in bed.

Lucky Spoon – The song is weird. You have a huge listening audience. Weird is always popular.

Manhattan Glutton – This is a song that I might hear in a New Age shop in Asheville, NC, and I LOVE Asheville, NC. I am trying to open my mind to new types of music, and this was easy for me to listen to. I consider it an innovative sound.

Metropological – Although I did not totally understand this piece, it was not boring. It would make a good sound track for a futuristic thriller.

Montana Fudge – What is wrong with you?

Paco del Stinko – I love a song with a kazoo. How cool!

Pathetic Wannabees - I like any song that begins with WOO HOO. Oh, and the words “crap shoot” caught my attention too. Very entertaining.

PiGPEN – I feel like I’m living in the Matrix. Oddly acid like. Sergeant Pepper’s revival?

Rabid Garfunkel – It is maddening, lyrically speaking. Of course, I’m heavily medicated.

ShoehornTC – Very country sounding. I like story songs. Good vocals. Good music. What else can you want from a song?

Steve Durand – I, of course love the keys. It reminds me of a piece I learned when I first began studying classical music. It was “Ming Ling.” I enjoyed the piece. Played well.

Suckweasel – The music is cool. Lyrics are good. I liked it.

Todd McHatton – I don’t think songs have to totally take you away to another dimension. I think it needs to entertain and stir emotions. I like this song because I don’t need a PhD to analyze it.

The Weakest Suit – Good lyrics. Easy to listen to.

Zinkline – Nice song. Good vocalist. I like the music. But what do I know? I have only been doing this professionally for fifty years. 8)
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Rabid Garfunkel »

Ha!

You go, Jo! :D
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by jast »

womanonpiano wrote:Jan Krueger – I like your piano.
Don't tell anyone, but... (stage whisper) it's not real!
Thanks for the reviews, irwin, Paco, womanonpiano.

Lucky Spoon: I just listened to your song again. It's hard... make that "impossible"... to make out the words in the whispering. They felt like part of the background to me.
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Lucky Spoon »

jast wrote:Lucky Spoon: I just listened to your song again. It's hard... make that "impossible"... to make out the words in the whispering. They felt like part of the background to me.
all right all right... i won't argue your interpretation, that's up to you i s'pose :)
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by j$ »

Umm, so tonight I finished up the song that I didn't get round to finishing for this fight. Anyone wants to hear it, it's here

j$
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Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by jast »

j$ wrote:Umm, so tonight I finished up the song that I didn't get round to finishing for this fight. Anyone wants to hear it, it's here
I like it. Vocal tone serves the song well. Musically very appealing, and well-used backup vocals. I tried concentrating on the lyrics but I sort of lost track at some point. Anyway, up until that point I liked them, so let's just extrapolate from that.
(See how away I am? I'm definitely limiting my involvement in the internets, though, so that means you'll see the occasional short reply from me and that's it.)
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Song Fight-related stuff I host: ZIP archives // Circle of Titles
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Paco Del Stinko
Hot for Teacher
Posts: 3357
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:20 am
Instruments: Basic rock, at a basic level.
Recording Method: Roland 2480
Submitting as: Paco del Stinko
Location: Massachusetts. God save the Commonwealth!

Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by Paco Del Stinko »

J$ - Very loose, but a great tune. I like the minor to major and back again changes, and the instrumentation is just right. Sounds almost like a traditional...something, yet fresh and current. The chorus starts as a sing-alonger but maybe strays from that a bit. Thanks for sharing and for what it's worth, I'd have voted for it.
Bringin' the stink since 2006.
deetak
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 87
Joined: Thu Jan 01, 2009 2:33 pm
Submitting as: deetak
Location: Michigan
Contact:

Re: You'll survive the reviews... barely (Fortune Cookie)

Post by deetak »

Thanks for the reviews.
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