Chock full of calcium (Bag of Bones reviews)

[Toshiro]

Here are my (hopefully constructive) criticisms:

Jon Eric

Vocals are too quiet, pump them up. As your voice is a bit thin, I'd doubletrack the vocal parts when going high. I agree with the other review, that keyboard part sounds like a cat jumped on your hands. I think it's because the notes seem to not be landing at the same time...?

Young Stroke

Timing is everything in rap, and yours could use a bit of refinement. Decent production otherwise.

Jan Krueger

Listening through headphones, I'd like to hear a little more top end here. The drum part is also a little busy for the song IMHO. Good harmonies.

Night Elf Mohawk

I think you had a lot more fun recording this than I am listening to it. I don't think anything I could suggest would save this one for me, sorry.

Hey It's Romer

This one also sounds like you had fun but I agree with Jon Eric - it doesn't feel like it really went anywhere. It's not my genre though, so perhaps I'm being too harsh.

Lalabrookie

You have a good voice - I'd spend some more time polishing the vocal tracks to really present it at its best. The entire track could use a little more top-end sparkle. Really strong harmonies. You're getting a vote.

Eggnogadam

This mix is very busy - it would benefit from you choosing a couple of 'focus instruments' and pulling the others back a bit. It feels to me like the low mid frequencies are being fought over. I'd like to hear a little more space. This is something I'm still working on getting better at myself.

That Guy

Good energy going into the tune and I like that dobro sound very much. Is there a flanger on one of your vocal tracks? It doesn't need it. In fact, the whole mix sounds very flange-y.

Hoglen and Wages

Another song with the vocal being drowned by another instrument - pull that lead guitar part down and raise the vocals a dB or two. People tend to focus on your voice, so it should be front and centre.

Equals X

I hear a lot of room sound in your vocal track. I'd focus on trying to get a drier vocal with more presence, as it sounds out of place next to the ultra-clean instruments.

The Frolicking Swamp Sparklies

Nice vocals. The guitar sounds like it's been recorded too hot. Timing gets VERY suspect at the 1:30 mark and the mix gets so hot that there is audible distortion. Work on leaving some headroom when tracking.

Billy's Little Trip

Not a bad mix at all, if a little lacking in dynamics. It just calls for a bit more swagger, especially given the lyrics.

King Arthur

A good mix. You are one of those guys that is obviously talented but working in a genre that does nothing for me at all. Go out of your comfort zone and try to shock me. I hope this is in some way constructive?

Mantzfield

The obvious issue with this one is the pitch problems at the start. I would have binned the first half of the song and worked on the second half. Those drums are insane, and I mean that in the good way. Vocals could stand being pushed up in the mix.

Noah McLaughlin

Yes! That's how you mix an acoustic together with a bass guitar. The vocals are the main issue - problematic pitch, too low in the mix, too much reverb. Be braver with your voice.

Daring Front

The intro is extremely charming. The only problem I hear is some pitchiness with the backing vocals, beyond that it's pretty much perfect. You're getting a vote too.

Fitzroy

I enjoy the garage band vibe, but please, buy or make a pop filter.

Jonathan Mann and Young Nick Krill

Not a bad mix, but everything seems to be as loud as each other. Nice chorus. Will I give this a vote? Yes, I think I will.

Crack Hole

You got about a third of the way there - now make a song.

Toshiro

Oh, I know this trick - you were worried that your verse wasn't very strong so tried to disguise it with a phone filter. Well played, clerks, well played... but I'm onto you. You should have worked harder on the melody instead of hoping to cover it with production tricks. A decent chorus but the vocals are too hot. Better than your last effort, but you have more in you - prove it.

Berkeley Social Scene

Needs more sparkle and presence - less reverb on all the instruments would go a long way here.

Duderonymus Bosch

Mmmmm.

[jast]

Some of these might be a bit discouraging. I'll be happy to try and give you more constructive feedback on request (though with some people I think I'd have an extremely hard time with that, so I didn't even give them scores). There's a link in my signature for those who haven't seen my scoring system yet.


Berkeley Social Scene: I like that guitar tone. It hurts to listen to what presumably wreaked havoc on someone's vocal chords, though. I actually like the guitar noodling here for once. The solo... not so much (I'm not a big fan of solos if they feel like they were an obligatory addition).
C:3 L:2 F:2 P:2 M:3 Total: 12/15

Billy's Little Trip feat. E-Bow Phillips: Fancy meeting you here. I like the guitar sound, and wow those are some BLT lyrics (is that a good thing? I can no longer tell. Reality is dissolving. I am eaten by a grue.) Pitchy vocals and repetitiveness prevent this from having maximum impact.
C:2 L:3 F:2 P:2 M:3 Total: 12/15

Crack Hole: I find this annoying, and I say that despite generally liking synthy things. At least it's short. This is not a helpful review. Sorry.

Daring Front: Interesting arrangement. Sounds a bit dry, perhaps. I'd have added a bit of reverb. Great vocals. Musically this doesn't appeal to me at all, but I have to admit it's well done. I don't even have any other complaints.
C:3 L:* F:2 P:3 M:3 Total: 13/15

Duderonymus Bosch / That Guy: You are eligible for one review by me. Please let me know which of your songs you want reviewed (if any).

EggNogAdam: Wonderful bag of tricks (arrangement is a bit chaotic but I guess that was the plan), interesting effects. Guess you might want the mixto be punchier/cleaner, though. Drums are way too low in the mix (hi-hat less so, so it sticks out a bit). This would totally rock with a bit more variety in the arrangement (I do notice some build-up, but the different sections are hard to distinguish). Catchy chorus (at least I think it's the chorus).
C:2 L:* F:2 P:2 M:2 Total: 10/15

Equals X: The performance sounds amateurish. Yeah, I know, we're (mostly) all amateurs here... but I tend to be less forgiving of it with rap. Call it personal bias, perhaps. I'm like, hey, rapping has one difficulty less as compared to singing, so rappers should, on average, be better at things like timbre and accentuation. You got rhythm at least, which is more than can be said of some other people who have tried rapping at Song Fight. The parts of the lyrics I could make out seemed like an incoherent mix of random imagery arranged around a pretty generic theme. I find the backing track pretty boring. Personal taste may have influenced this verdict.
C:1 L:1 F:2 P:2 M:3 Total: 9/15

Fitzroy: I don't know the genre particularly well, but I think the mix is not quite ideal. The vocals need to be brought up, and if there is any bass in there that I can't hear, that needs more power, too. Oh yeah, I think I just heard a hint of bass. Generally impressive performances on guitar and drums (slightly shaky timing notwithstanding), and quite decent vocals (hard to make out too many details because they're so buried in the mix). I just finished listening and I don't remember a single thing about the song except that you were screaming for some parts and there was guitar and drums. Not a good sign, right?
C:2 L:* F:2 P:3 M:1 Total: 10/15

The Frolicking Swamp Sparklies: Ease up on the delay... I'm so busy trying to filter out the echo that no attention is left for the actual song. I like the electric piano in there. Some unfortunate clipping. Whistling is annoying. Wonky timing once the "drums" come in. Musically this feels like two different songs mixed together. Very strange (not necessarily in a bad way, though). Would probably be a lot easier to follow if the rhythm was tighter.
C:2 L:* F:2 P:2 M:2 Total: 10/15

Hey it's Romer: I'm not a fan of speaking in songs. I can stomach rap, but if it sounds like someone is reading boring factoids to me, my mind just switches off. Nicely done beat/bass thing you've got going there, but every part goes on a bit longer than it can hold my interest. The melody aesthetic of the lead synth at ca. 2:00 is... interesting. I feel like I should dislike it on principle (sounds like someone just randomly messing with a chromatic Theremin-style instrument) but somehow it's cool. Cool stuff but a bit undercooked.
C:2 L:1 F:2 P:3 M:3 Total: 11/15

Hoglen & Wages: I like how this develops, by gradually going out more and then finally retreating. It might have been cool to see that reflected more in the arrangement... the whole extent of development in your arrangement is that at some point the electric guitar comes in (and mixed in a bit too strongly, I think), then that keeps going all the way until the end, and at some point you add some background vocals that I almost missed. Bring those up more! One of my classic tricks is to have two voices in the background and pan them in different directions, so that the mix gets fuller. Then again, might not be so great to have the vocals flank the guitar. I wish you'd spend more time practising your vocals. You have much better intonation than some parts of this make it sound; fortunately the other parts do display it. Writing is good but not good enough to make up for the various other issues.
C:2 L:2 F:2 P:2 M:2 Total: 10/15

Jan Krueger: A little rushed, this one, but I couldn't just let the idea ("the boooones!") wither and die, right? I kind of regret that I don't have a better stereo pair of mics, because it turns out that I do like stereo-recording vocals. I also like chiptune, and this finally feels like a somewhat adequate coming out here at Song Fight.

Jonathan Mann and Young Nick Krill: Intro is slightly on the long side. Verse vocals are slightly overshadowed by the accompaniment. Chorus is boring and using the same thing as in the intro doesn't make it more exciting. Great vocals, great arrangement. All in all this song is undercooked, though.
C:2 L:* F:2 P:3 M:3 Total: 12/15

Jon Eric: Man, this strongly reminds me of another song but I don't remember the name. Vocals don't really consistently stand out in the mix. I recommend a bit of compression or copious amounts of volume automation. Nice screamy vocals there, and intention is almost always perfect. How come you keep messing up that one chord? Hmm, this might have been even nicer with more mellowness... more bass, some electric organ, I dunno. I like this song, but somehow it feels underdeveloped... as in, the whole story is over before I've had time to get into it. Did I just admit that I can get into this kind of story? Whoops.
C:3 L:3 F:2 P:2 M:2 Total: 12/15

King Arthur: Oh my. I'm following the lyrics as I'm listening to this, and I'm thinking: damn, if he keeps that pace this song will take forever. Those are some pretty nice vocals. I think you could probably get a lot more oomph out of your voice. This is a nice song, but you have the misfortune that it reminds me very strongly of some artist (not sure who exactly) who does similar songs but with a professional level of polish and attention to details. I think a bridge or some other kind of variation might have helped making the song more interesting. Got nothing else to say, I don't think.
C:2 L:3 F:2 P:3 M:3 Total: 13/15

lalabrookie: Nice harmonizing here. Dunno what the deal is about pitcby vocals (according to other reviewers)... they sound fine to me, except you have a tendency to "slide into" the notes. The bigger problem with the vocals is that you seem to be using too much air (at least that's what I think might be going on). It sounds like you tend to have a whispery singing voice and then try to make it sound louder/stronger by pushing all that air even more strongly. Not healthy in the long run. (Though, again, I'm not quite sure that this is what you're doing.) Moving on... downside of guitar+voice only is that mediocre guitar playing (strumming pattern is a bit chaotic; chords randomly sound muted) drags it down quite a lot. This would have needed a bit more variety for me to stay interested all throughout, but apart from that this is nice.
C:2 L:2 F:2 P:2 M:3 Total: 11/15

Mantzfield: The rhythm is confusing in a few places. Mix sounds a bit thin... excellent attempt to combat that with the doubled vocals. Hey, this shredded guitar is interesting... wait, what's this now? I don't think this song needed to completely turn around into a different style, particularly since the layered vocals don't really work together all that well. Sounds really disjointed.
C:2 L:* F:1 P:2 M:2 Total: 9/15

Night Elf Mohawk: Listening to your songs is a bit of a chore for me, admittedly. Them usually being fairly long doesn't make things better. I hope you're not too sad if I don't review this. I can't think of anything useful to say anyway.

noah mclaughlin: Very well-crafted song. Excellent use of repetition in the lyrics. Nice arrangement/development (though not structurally interesting; I usually get bored by VCVCVC... unless the development is particularly great). The only thing that bothers me is in the vocals. It's often hard to make out the notes. In some parts that sounds intentional (singy-speaky vocals) but in others it doesn't (e.g. beginning of chorus). The ending is a bit disappointing.
C:2 L:3 F:2 P:2 M:3 Total: 12/15

TOSHIRO: This starts out sounding a bit claustrophobic... you're not really making good use of the stereo field. Then the rhythm guitars come in and pan out further than everything else does. Weirds me out a bit... I'd probably have gone for somewhat roomier drums so that they occupy more space. Actually, on second listen, I guess I just wanted more punch out of this. It sounds a bit thin. Bit more low frequency, bit more saturation. A solid song in the writing department with good arrangement and good development (the very distant roomy stuff in the second verse in particular is very cool). Did you use a limiter in the master chain? I think I hear pumping. Ah well. Too much telephone effect for my taste. Generally nicely done, all in all subjectively fails to hook me.
C:3 L:2 F:2 P:3 M:2 Total: 12/15

Young Stroke aka Young Muscle: I don't like this, but it's well done. Except the chorus sounds pitchy. "Which is abbreviated BOB" -- oh, really? I bet you could find an even more pointless conclusion to that line if you tried. But still, that's some fairly good rapping there. Do work on the timing.
C:2 L:2 F:2 P:3 M:3 Total: 12/15

Voting for: Daring Front, King Arthur. Hmm, the bones say that I must not vote for myself this round, so I shall renounce that ancient tradition.

[Toshiro]

TOSHIRO: This starts out sounding a bit claustrophobic... you're not really making good use of the stereo field. Then the rhythm guitars come in and pan out further than everything else does. Weirds me out a bit... I'd probably have gone for somewhat roomier drums so that they occupy more space. Actually, on second listen, I guess I just wanted more punch out of this. It sounds a bit thin. Bit more low frequency, bit more saturation. A solid song in the writing department with good arrangement and good development (the very distant roomy stuff in the second verse in particular is very cool). Did you use a limiter in the master chain? I think I hear pumping. Ah well. Too much telephone effect for my taste. Generally nicely done, all in all subjectively fails to hook me.

You're right, I noticed I had forgotten about panning after I had already submitted the song!

My monitor speakers are a bit boomy in the cramped space that I have for them, so I guess I'm overcompensating and making the mix too thin. I'll try to keep that in mind next time and be sure to play the mix in the other room with my full-range system.

I didn't use anything in the master chain, but I was individually compressing most of the tracks to try to keep levels under control. All the guitars are DI'ed, I plan to try miking up a cabinet to get some more room sound and warmth. Thanks for the constructive comments!

[eggnogadam]

EggNogAdam- This seems uninspired. With the heavy effects it reminds me of Ween. I don’t get the lyrics. It’s nice enough background music, but the hook is not very hooky. I think the vocals are way too upfront, especially when they’re so effected up. Sounds like “Dont hate MY___(insert title here)___, that’s how I live”. Nothing really wrong with this, just nothing really right either. I liked your Cloud Cuckoo much better.

Thanks, whomever said this. I agree. Cloud Cuckoo was more fun. This one got away from me but that's always my style - I try not to put too much of ME in there. I just open up and let out whatever happens to be flowin' at that time. Mostly it's crap, but I fancy that once I retire I will be able to pick back through my trash and make something of the pieces. c'est la vie.

also, JAST, thanks. hahaha. "the chorus is catchy, at least the part that I thought was the chorus." Hahahaha. This is a compliment that I would print and frame if I could. I'm too cheap, though.

And thanks to Toshiro too.

[BBABM]

buy or make a pop filter.

the first thing I said to the singer when I first heard the vocals was "we need to get you a pop filter"... I then had to explain what a pop filter was. Thank you for the review!

[MisterQuoons]

I've heard you exercise more maturity and creativity in a song before. By comparison, this bites.

To be fair, we were quite drunk throughout the entire process of writing and recording this song. In fact, we started drinking at around the same time we started working, and I think a trained ear can hear us getting progressively more blasted as we go. Also, we were more or less working under the assumption that no one would listen past the first chorus anyway.

Jesus. I want to hear this in an 80's snuff film.

I consider this high enough praise to cancel out anything bad anyone has or ever will say about any project I've been involved or will be involved in.

[JonPorobil]

So now there's multiple people who've called that suspended B chord in my song a "mistake." My hypothesis is that this has more to do with the vocals than the chord itself. Tell me, guys, does that same part still sound like a mistake in this version? http://jon-eric.com/Songs/Recent/Bag%20 ... raoke).mp3

[MisterQuoons]

DISCLAIMER: To ensure hilarity, all reviews have been written in a flippant, faintly condescending, utterly moronic tone. Styop Quoons is not responsible if his reviews incite you to acts of violence and are of absolutely no help to you whatsoever.

Jan Krueger - I'm afraid I don't know very much about art, but I know what I hate. And I must say, I don't hate this. In fact, I think...what's that thing that's kind of like hate, but exactly the opposite? Should you know the term, that is the term I would apply to this song. If I had to make a list of things I would like to hear more of in music it would be as follows: Synthesizers. Your song has them, so check. Vibraphone parts? Your song also has them. And vibraphone parts that are probably synthesizers made to sound like vibraphones, but the average listener probably couldn't tell? Bitch, you must be trippin' if you think that's not in there. And finally, one thing every song definitely needs is vocals performed by an individual who can't really sing all that well but does anyway. And in that department, you sir, take the proverbial cake. Twelve hundred stars.

Night Elf Mohawk - Ah, but this was an inspired piece. For many years now, my associate Sir Spoone and I have spoken at length about delving into a style of orchestral composition reminiscent of the neo-classical period of Igor Stravinsky. However, at the last minute, we decided to throw all of that bullshit out the window and just get really, REALLY drunk. This fight's NEM selection is the result. I think you'll enjoy our use of recitative throughout.

Crack Hole - When I was but knee-high to a grasshopper, my grand-pappy took me upon his knee, and told me something which, I find, grows truer and truer with each passing year. "Osmodiar," he said, for that was what he called me in those days, I could never quite figure out why, "There is one thing, one crucial thing, that every SongFight needs at least one of per week. Do you know what that is?" "Why, no!" I exclaimed, looking up at him with my tea-saucer eyes. "That thing is," he said, through a veritable fountain of tobacco-spittle, "A short, jaunty little electronic instrumental number, preferably one you can dance to." I would therefore like to thank you, Crack Hole, for doing your part to uphold my family's noble traditions.

Equals X - I say, you ought to change your name to Equals EXcellent, because this song makes me feel all sorts of jittery in my nether regions. "Yeah, that's the bomb!" Many vocalists would have overdubbed a backing track here for emphasis, but I'm glad you have the self confidence and vocal presence to carry it on your own. Never before have I heard rhymes of such fluidity and grace. I would consider this ill, at least from a technical standpoint. And now, I must humbly cry your pardon and take my leave, for your song has given me the sudden, uncontrollable urge to do the windmill.

King Arthur - Why, Arthur, you crafty old codger! Not only have you succeeded in uniting all of Britain under a banner of peace and driving back the hated Saxons from your shores, you have also managed to re-form the band The Grateful Dead and force them to play as your backing band on this song! Quite an impressive feat, considering that the group in question has at least two dead members, eh? But if they weren't grateful about being literally dead, I have no doubt in my mind that Jerry and Pigpen and the rest of those wacky rascals have plenty to be grateful for now, since you've brought them all back together under the banner of the Once and Future King. A thousand gold stars to each of you for the song, plus holdings in Wales and Ireland for whatever young, unwashed tour follower it was who managed to record the performance and thus bottle the magic.

That Guy - Have you ever heard the song "Deadly Frothing Cat" by the group Spiny Norman and the Seven Horny Fishwives? I should certainly hope not, because I just made it up. However, that is far from relevant here. Now then, your song. Yes, your song. Hmm. Yes. If I'm not mistaken, this is a poignant tale about a man named Eleanor Roosevelt, who journeys far across the earth to the lands of the Baroness Leona Catherine Vas Deferens , carrying naught but a bag filled with the bones of his beloved friend and benefactor, the late Ernest Borgnein. The journey is long and perilous, and along the way he befriends a CIA operative and gourmet pastry chef, who later goes on to win the Iditarod. However, the story ultimately has a tragic ending, as Eleanor Roosevelt discovers that truly, the most evil creature of all, is man; specifically, a man named T. H. Equestrian Bullwinkle, who makes a living by selling overpriced wigs to minorities. Ultimately, I found your song to be a veritable whirlwind of complex emotions, which parallels my own life. Also, I wasn't paying attention. Ten million points go to you, sir.

Duderonymus Bosch - Mr. Bosch, I enjoy a fine solo guitar-and-voice piece as much as the next man, but I am afraid that your song this week just plain goes a step too far. I can't believe, I cannot BELIEVE that you chose to remove the metronome from your song a mere two measures in, before it even had a chance to really get going and jam. I mean, the sheer DIMENSIONS of your ego, well, it just...aw, jeez, it just gets me so riled up. That metronome probably spent five, ten, maybe fifteen years, just languishing in the limelight, waiting for its chance to shine. And when that chance finally comes? Do you grant it the opportunity? NO. You just yank it right off the recording, don't you? Oh, lords and ladies, everyone get down on your knees and behold the almighty Duderonymus Bosch! Duderonymus Bosch is a solo act, folks. Duderonymus Bosch is too big a name to share the spotlight with a humble, two-bit metronome. Duderonymus Bosch performs alone, so you'd better get out of his way, all of you up-and-coming young timekeeping devices. If you think you're going to be granted the lofty honor of sharing the stage with the Great and Powerful Duderonymus Bosch you're deadly mistaken. Oh, and that whole thing about removing all of your bones? That's a silly thing to do. Why on earth would you do a silly thing like that? You're just plain silly, you silly man.

Hoglen & Wages - This song has the makings of a fine ballad worthy of Hall, or possibly even Oates. In particular, I like the lyrical economy you employ. The title of the song is, after all, Bag of Bones, so one really has to wonder, is there really any need to clutter it up with a lot of memorable words and phrases and such? I mean, "bag of bones" is really the crux of the biscuit here, so does the listener really need to take anything else away from the piece? Of course not. That is why I like this song. It just sort of goes: "Ah, la la something something, blah lala lala something Bag of Bones, la la lala tra la la la doo de doo something Bag of Bones, la la la, then there's something about killing puppies in a silo and making coats from them, I wasn't paying attention, tra la la la Bag of Bones..." Hey, I once bought a coat made entirely out of puppies who had been killed in a silo, can you believe that? What a coincidence. Was it you who I bought it from? Did you kill all those puppies? Or are you just friends with the guys who did? Either way, it's a really nice coat.

Daring Front - Oh, Mr. Front, this song sets my girlish heart aflutter. I've always felt that deep, emotional ballads such as this are best performed using only the simplest of midi devices. You have captured my poor heart, and I bid you set it free, because I kind of need it to live.

Billy's Little Trip feat. E-bow Phillips - I hate to gush, but Mr. Phillips, I would just like to say that I have been a fan of yours for some time now. I particularly enjoyed that bit you did in UHF, where you play the high school shop teacher who cuts his thumb off with the tablesaw. The amount of blood in that scene convinces me that that must have been real, and I would just like to say that I admire your commitment to your art. Does not having a thumb make it difficult to play the E-bow? Because you play it most exquisitely here, sir. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you what an enormous fan I am of your work. I hope you didn't bleed to death from the loss of your thumb, because that would mean you are a zombie, and it would deeply sadden me to have to blow your decaying brains out of your skull with my trusty shotgun which I keep in my Emergency Zombie Invasion kit for just such an occasion, because you are a fine actor and musician, and I have nothing but respect for you.

noah mclaughlin - This song reminds me of the type of song that might be played in the background in a movie; you know, like the part of the movie where the main character has one of those montages where he's thinking and pondering all of the stuff that he needs to change in his life, but before he can change it he has to have a montage to a noah mclaughlin song; it's like a union rule or something. Are you going to write and direct a movie called Bag of Bones, in which this song is featured as the montage song? Because I think you should. It should be about a man who has no bones, because he took his entire skeleton out and put it in a bag. I don't know what the first part of the movie should be about, or how it should end, but the montage should definitely be about the character wondering just why he took his own skeleton out in the first place, because that strikes me as a silly thing to do, and it stands to reason that he would eventually reach the same conclusion. You should cast Duderonymus Bosch in that role; I think he'd be a good fit, considering he already took his skeleton out and put it in a bag, so he knows where that character is coming from. Anyway, let me know how it turns out.

Fitzroy - Fitzroy? I don't even KNOW Roy!! LOL semicolon parenthesis!!1!

Young Stroke aka Young Muscle - My stars, I'm almost tempted to call this an even "phatter" jam than Equals X's opus this week. I just don't know who to give the ultimate hip hop crown to this week. So, here's how I think we should settle it. If you would be so kind, I'll need you to please re-write and re-record your song; however, if you could please remove the faintly homoerotic verses about ingesting sources of mystery protein while exercising, and replace them with verses about how Equals X is a punk bitch, and maybe throw something in there about how you intend to bore holes into his head with an illegal firearm while driving a modified vintage Cadillac and spray-tagging your name across public property. And if you want to make the new verses faintly homoerotic as well, that's okay too.

EggNogAdam - Clearly, I can tell from your lyrics, you have had to endure a great deal of persecution for your unorthodox choice of lifestyle, and I would just like to applaud you for standing up so articulately for your cause. You may find it comforting to learn, if you did not know it already, that there are many individuals such as yourself who have endured a neverending stream of bigotry and hatred directed towards their bags of bones. Yes, I know it is hard to believe that such hatred could still persist in a society supposedly as enlightened as ours, but it's true: many people, do, in fact, hate your bag of bones, as well as the bags of bones belonging to countless individuals such as yourself, despite the fact that it is all any of you have. These poor, downtrodden victims of prejudice, whose only crime was the desire to retain possession of said bags in a hate-free environment, have had to endure years of crippling mockery and abuse, and I applaud you for finally standing up to it. It must have taken a great deal of courage to pen a song such as this, and for that, sir, I salute you. This song has the power to inspire an entire generation to stand up and be heard, saying: "Hey! Don't hate my bag of bones!" As well they should. After all, it's all they have.

The Frolicking Swamp Sparklies - There is many an echo here, and for that I rejoice. It has long been a position of mine that too few songs these days are recorded in caves.

Hey It's Romer - Cut out that funky beat, for crying out loud! I'm trying to hear the rest of the news. Wait, there was something. I think I caught a bit of a PBS broadcast. Confound it, Romer, will you cease that infernal tootling?!? You know what I think, though, in all seriousness? You should have a TV show, and it should be called Hey, it's Romer! And you could play a character named Romer Hodgkins, who used to work as a newscaster for Channel Twelve, but they fired him because he kept dropping funky beats all over the news, so he got a job working as a literary critic for PBS, but they fired him for dropping funky beats all over the literary review segment of their programming. So now he works for the parks department, just sort of dropping funky beats all over the place, and also doing whatever it is that people who work for the parks department do besides dropping funky beats all over the place.

Jonathan Mann and Young Nick Krill - My chief criticism here is that this song seems to pose a great many questions which are never effectively answered. Is she making chicken soup? Because I would really like some, if she is. Is she building a house for two? Because if she is, I would be interested to know who the other person is. Perhaps the other person is the person for whom she's making the soup? But if she's not actually making the soup, that would just sort of bring that whole theory crashing to the ground, you see what I mean? That is why I think this song needs more clarity, so allow me to take the liberty of filling in a few of the dark spots. Yes, she is making soup. A lot of soup. A whole hell of a lot of soup. And do you know why? Because she's having a party. A soup party. If you didn't know, a soup party is a kind of party in which people from all over the neighborhood come to eat chicken soup and raise the roof up off that bitches house, yo. Unfortunately, her house is entirely too small, because, yes, she is in fact building a house for two, and a house for two is not nearly large enough to accommodate all those people. The second person, incidentally, is Wayne Knight, best known for his role as Newman on Seinfeld, but that's hardly relevant. She blew that one a long time ago; he's never coming back, but she's having a hard time coming to terms with that. I've told her numerous times that she should just forget about him and focus on her soup party, but she never listens to me. And that's pretty unfortunate, because my advice is pretty solid. I mean, first of all, her soup is not anywhere near as delicious as it could be, considering all the time she spent hung up on Wayne Knight, so her party is off to a bad start right there. And even if Wayne Knight does show up, it's bound to put a damper on the evening, because if I remember right, Newman was a pretty large man, so I imagine he would take up most of the house, and probably eat all of the soup as well.

Berkeley Social Scene - Earlier in this post, I was chatting with a fine young man named E-bow Phillips, and I was commenting on how much I admired his commitment to art by cutting off his own thumb with a tablesaw. I would like to extend a similar compliment to you fine young fellows of the Berkeley Social Scene, most notedly your vocalist. The unintelligible, warbling quality of this song's vocals are absolutely the perfect compliment to the whole-wheat instrumentals; the effect is much like that feeling of utter elation you feel when you finally find that perfect pair of beige curtains to compliment the beige wallpaper of that room you upholstered in beige all those years ago. Now, I do not doubt that your natural modesty compels you to downplay the significance of this fact, and so I hate to call you out on it, but nevertheless I believe in giving credit where credit is due. It is clear to me, as an expert in such matters, that a level of unintelligible warbling such as you have achieved on this song could only have been attained if your vocalist performed the entire number with a live weasel inside of his pants. It is for this, your tireless dedication to your chosen craft, that I commend you. Nine thousand stars!

Jon Eric - I have always said, time and time again, that when a song starts off with a piano, well, you know that you are about to hear a song that has a lot of piano in it. And brother Jon, you have once again proven this to be one of the fundamental truths of the universe, and for that, I know in my heart, all the children of the world rise up in thanks to you for the piano you provide. But, all matters of piano aside, this song contains another element which I hold near and dear to my heart. I am speaking, of course, of the General MIDI splash cymbal. The importance of the General MIDI splash cymbal in American music over the past several decades is not to be downplayed under any circumstances. Indeed, I could cite it's uses from now until my fingers fall off from typing, and still not even come close to conveying it's importance. However, I'll spare us the boredom of all that scholarly pooting about, and jump right to the central point: I love your use of the General MIDI splash cymbal in this particular composition, and I'm not afraid to admit it. As I listen to this song, I picture you, sitting at your piano on a cliff before a mighty ocean, and every time that beautiful General MIDI splash cymbal hits, a wave crashes against the crags, momentarily obscuring your piano from view behind a fine veil of ocean spray. Please, I beseech you: allow me to direct the video for this song! I think I have a piano lying around here somewhere, and I know of several cliffs that will support one, many of which are near the ocean. We wouldn't even need to use a hose! Consider my offer, please.

Mantzfield - Alright, so this song brings to mind a memory I have from when I was but a wee lad: you see, this one time, when I was but fourteen or so, it occurred to me that I should start out on a journey. I forgot where it was that I was trying to go, initially, but I just sort of figured, hey, I'll start walking and see where I end up. Oh, also, I smoked some pot first, so that probably didn't help things much; forgot to mention that part. Anyway, I started walking, and I sort of got this sense that I was kind of like, playing an acoustic guitar, and maybe there were some drums playing sporadically that kind of felt like they couldn't quite make up their mind whether they belonged there or not, you know? You ever get that feeling? Anyway, I was all high on pot like I said, and I felt like I was strumming out kind of an acoustic ballad, but it wasn't much of a ballad, because I was just sort of making it up as I went, and the words didn't really fit, plus I don't really have the kind of voice you need to sing that sort of thing, and anyway there were these drums that just sort of kept going kick snare kick snare every now and then, and I kept getting distracted, you know? It was like, hey there, drums. Make up your mind. Are you in, or are you out? Well, to cut a long story short, they never did make up their mind. But it didn't really matter, because all of a sudden I got this really kick-ass metal song stuck in my head, so I was just kind of like, hey, fuck you, acoustic ballad, you suck anyway and you weren't working. So I figured I'd just keep going with the metal thing. Trouble is, I had like three or four different metal songs in my head and I couldn't make up my mind which one I should go with, so I just sort of jumped around back and forth between them for awhile. Anyway, I did that for awhile, until eventually I forgot where I was trying to go in the first place, so I just sort of stopped. And, you know, I think I wound up somewhere, I guess. Did I mention I smoked a lot of pot that day?

lalabrookie - You saw me at the mall? When? I hardly ever leave my house anymore due to my increasing sense of anxiety. You see, I recently discovered that my wooden leg is home to hundreds of thousands of termites, many of whom have become self aware and have begun petitioning me to recognize them as a sovereign nation. Naturally, I refused, and the termites felt they had no choice but to declare war on me. Before you start getting all worried, I feel as if I should tell you that it did not take me very long to realize that all I needed to do was soak my wooden leg in kerosene and throw it on the fire; however, this left me unable to walk for several days. Not wanting to repeat the same mistake twice, I ordered a fine plastic prosthesis this time, none of that Long John Silver crap this time around, no sir. Unfortunately for me, what I had failed to work into the calculation was that my family, in order to cheer me up about having recently had my real leg replaced with a wooden one, had bought me a whole new wardrobe in order to acclimate me to my new leg; namely, they had purchased for me a fine eighteenth century overcoat, a cravat, and a three cornered hat, as well as a parrot to sit on my shoulder. It wasn't all a bust, though, because I did decide to keep the parrot. I named him Emily Dickenson, and resolved to feed him crackers daily; however, he is a very needy parrot, and I can't leave him alone for more than a few minutes without him squawking and throwing a terrible fit. Therefore, if I want to leave the house, I have to take him with me, which, as it turns out, I can't really do, mostly because of the awkward situations which are created by the parrot's tendency to continuously blurt out racial epithets of a most vulgar nature. Also, I hate the mall.

TOSHIRO - You seem to be singing through a megaphone and that makes me smile. Not really. Actually, I kind of hate megaphones. This one time, a guy hit me over the head with a megaphone repeatedly until my brain fell out, and then he put my brain in the megaphone and made this really loud noise like a fart, and my brain blew out of the megaphone and splattered all over the place and everyone laughed because the joke kind of worked on two levels, you know like it was funny on one level because he destroyed my brain matter by blowing it all around the room, and it was also funny because he made that fart noise. It was the worst birthday I ever had. Hey, I wasn't really listening to your song, but I noticed at the end that you put some sheep on the outro. That was nice of you. With the economy the way it is, sheep are having a difficult time finding work in the recording industry. Good for you.

[Spintown]

http://spintown79.blogspot.com/2011/05/ ... bones.html

Young Stroke aka Young Muscle - This made me laugh, and what made it even better is the fact that I know someone like this. I can't wait to see him & play this for him. BTW, SpinTunes has not yet had a rapper compete in it...not that I'm pushing... (voted)

King Arthur - "the baby care" is that another term for daycare? If so, I've not heard it referred to as that. If not, what's it mean? Catchy tune, and aside from a couple lines I dug the story. (voted)

Night Elf Mohawk - Within seconds I was annoyed. When I looked to see how long I'd have to suffer I was more annoyed. Then the talking...the characters...the singing...everytime I thought you hit bottom you would just dig some more. I was about 60% done with the song when there was a total change of pace that gave me a little hope...but it was REALLY short lived. Do I get some sort of trophy for making it through the entire thing?

Jan Krueger - I like the direction the story went, and some of the musical elements, but overall it didn't mesh for me. The marimba was cool or whatever it was.

Crack Hole - A pointless waste of my time. But at least you have an excuse for not using the lyrics forum.

Duderonymus Bosch - The 30 seconds you spent writing the lyrics should have been spent doing something more worth while. For instance: cracking your knuckles, thinking of a cool nickname for your penis or trying to imagine what a rainbow would taste like.

Billy's Little Trip feat. E-Bow Phillips - I knew ahead of time the general direction this entry would go lyrically (Billy + this title...isn't hard to guess), and most of the time stories like this don't do it for me. Liked it otherwise.

[king_arthur]

["the baby care" is that another term for daycare? If so, I've not heard it referred to as that. If not, what's it mean? Catchy tune, and aside from a couple lines I dug the story. (voted)

Yes, that's intended to be another name for daycare, though I may have made it up myself for rhythmic purposes. That first lyrical bit is somewhat inspired by Randy Newman's "It's Money That Matters" here.

In response to other comments so far (thanks for the reviews, all!): yes, obviously I'm trying to channel the Grateful Dead here, and BBABM's comments about how it's not quite there are true... we have a pretty good GD cover band here in Phoenix called Xtra Ticket; every now and then they'll slip in an original and it never has that spark, either. Robert Hunter's lyrics, especially, take the real stuff to a whole other place, and I've not figured out how to get there yet. JE, interesting thoughts about my use of BoB being too common a phrase to use as a simile... getting that phrase to sit right in the lyric was one of the last things I "solved" putting it together; earlier versions had something like "when it's time to dance, you're just a bag of bones" and that "just a BoB" felt all wrong every time I sang it.

Glennny: yeah, I'm surprised that a yahoo search on "in the ears and out the feet" doesn't turn up something other than veterinary care references. That was one of the first phrases that came to me in the lyric, and it stuck. Jast: yeah, I intentionally put space between lyric lines on the verse, but I did get in under four minutes, which, for a pseudo Grateful Dead song, is short There is a bridge in the song (the part with "those days are gone, and these days are here" in it), but maybe it didn't stand out enough. I've been reading a Jerry G bio where Robert Hunter talks about how one thing Jerry did really well was to write bridges, so I tried... Quoons, I expected you to hate this from the start just on principle, so anything nice you say counts

Toshiro, thanks for the comment urging me out of my comfort zone. We'll see how that works. Maybe it's time for another rap over a twelve tone piece in 5/4 (see "How Beautiful She Is"). At the moment, I am intentionally going for that Grateful Dead sound, and, in general, I'm more interested in trying to sound like "what's on the radio" (yeah, okay, the oldies station, but I'm old) than to come up with the next big thing... but it's good to be challenged now and then.

I will be doing reviews, I just generally need FM to post the due date for the new title so I have some sort of a deadline to meet. Again, thanks to everybody who's done them so far!

Charles (KA)

[jast]

So now there's multiple people who've called that suspended B chord in my song a "mistake."

Just to be clear, what I called a mistake was this (problematic parts emphasized). I believe glennny was referring to the same thing.

[Spintown]

Yes, that's intended to be another name for daycare, though I may have made it up myself for rhythmic purposes. That first lyrical bit is somewhat inspired by Randy Newman's "It's Money That Matters" here.

I think you made it up. :p I worked daycare for 8 years & never heard it.

[nyjm]

noah mclaughlin - This song reminds me of the type of song that might be played in the background in a movie; you know, like the part of the movie where the main character has one of those montages where he's thinking and pondering all of the stuff that he needs to change in his life, but before he can change it he has to have a montage to a noah mclaughlin song; it's like a union rule or something.

You know, as clichéd a movie and TV trope as this is, I usually really like the songs that accompany these montages. So, I'll take this as an unintended compliment.

Also, thank you, glenny, for the Lou Reed comparison. I'll take that all day long.

[Daring Front]

Oh, Mr. Front, this song sets my girlish heart aflutter. I've always felt that deep, emotional ballads such as this are best performed using only the simplest of midi devices. You have captured my poor heart, and I bid you set it free, because I kind of need it to live.

My father was Mr. Front, call me Daring. Would you clarify the "simple MIDI" comment? Simple parts? patches? hardware?

[JonPorobil]

So now there's multiple people who've called that suspended B chord in my song a "mistake."

Just to be clear, what I called a mistake was this (problematic parts emphasized). I believe glennny was referring to the same thing.

Oh. Not what I thought you guys meant.

Weird, I didn't even realize I was doing that.

[Billy's Little Trip]

@ Jon. I don't know what you are doing to your MP3s, but I still haven't been able to hear your song. I played Jast's link just fine. I've played everyone's song in this fight just fine. This has been an issue for quite some time with your songs. WTF am I doing wrong? I don't see others having trouble.

[JonPorobil]

@ Jon. I don't know what you are doing to your MP3s, but I still haven't been able to hear your song. I played Jast's link just fine. I've played everyone's song in this fight just fine. This has been an issue for quite some time with your songs. WTF am I doing wrong? I don't see others having trouble.

Is it ONLY my songs? I encode my mp3s into variable bitrates, which some players don't like, but I'm not the only Songfighter to do this.
What program do you use to try to play them? Have you used multiple such programs? Have you made sure your audio drivers are up to date? How long have you been experiencing this issue?

[Billy's Little Trip]

@ Jon. I don't know what you are doing to your MP3s, but I still haven't been able to hear your song. I played Jast's link just fine. I've played everyone's song in this fight just fine. This has been an issue for quite some time with your songs. WTF am I doing wrong? I don't see others having trouble.

Is it ONLY my songs? I encode my mp3s into variable bitrates, which some players don't like, but I'm not the only Songfighter to do this.
What program do you use to try to play them? Have you used multiple such programs? Have you made sure your audio drivers are up to date? How long have you been experiencing this issue?

I've noticed from the start of Nur Ein. Your links wouldn't work through the backdoor, but when Niv posted the songs, they worked, if I remember correctly.

Quicktime is the player that pops up when listening to stuff here. I'll update it and let you know.

[Billy's Little Trip]

Ok, I updated quicktime and your links posted by SF and at the Nur Ein website work. But the above one doesn't.

I listened to your BoB song. Very good. My beef is how you're rolling into the first G in each measure on the intro and places through the song. You did hit it right a few times, so I know you can, lol. I know you are feeling the groove, but it sours the flow.

Problem two. Why do you kill your voice with such a dry mix? You sing fine and have your own style, but this is a studio piece made for a quiet listening environment. Coat that voice with caramel. Give it some ambiance so that it's as great as the piano.

Other than that, beautifully done.

[JonPorobil]

I listened to your BoB song. Very good. My beef is how you're rolling into the first G in each measure on the intro and places through the song. You did hit it right a few times, so I know you can, lol. I know you are feeling the groove, but it sours the flow.

Thanks for the feedback. I think you might be assuming I'm playing in a different key. This piece is in the key of B major, so there's no G-chord (well, there's a G-diminished, but not in the intro). Are you talking about the same fat-thumb chord that Jan and Glen were?

[Billy's Little Trip]

I listened to your BoB song. Very good. My beef is how you're rolling into the first G in each measure on the intro and places through the song. You did hit it right a few times, so I know you can, lol. I know you are feeling the groove, but it sours the flow.

Thanks for the feedback. I think you might be assuming I'm playing in a different key. This piece is in the key of B major, so there's no G-chord (well, there's a G-diminished, but not in the intro). Are you talking about the same fat-thumb chord that Jan and Glen were?

Yes, that's the one. Sorry, I hummed and strummed the 3 chords on my guitar from memory.

[gizo]

Hi all,

My reviews are about as awesome as my songs (read: absent).

I voted for a few of you, including Billy, Toshiro, Daring Front, Jonathan & Young Nick.

So, sorry for complete lack of helpfulness.

See you soon.