the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon reviews)

Discuss upcoming, current, and previous song fights.
User avatar
sportswriters
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:28 pm
Instruments: Guitars, bass, keys, a bit of vox, string arrangements, anything really.
Recording Method: Logic/Mac Pro/Kontakt/Waves. Cheap mics rock.
Submitting as: Sportswriters
Location: Out there

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by sportswriters »

Hey Frankie and bgm, thank you for the nice words.

Re: the drums, I don't know what to tell you really. The timing of the drums is spot on -- there are no mistakes at all and it's probably one of the tightest recordings ever made. and the groove is the one I naturally heard, with the snare hitting on 3 and 6 and a little ruff on 7. There are a couple of funky fills at the end which maybe are sounding like mistakes? The groove definitely makes more sense if you are hearing the kick drum clearly, so there's also that. I put the kick as high as I could but the whole song is so low-key it can't get too rock'n'roll. But it's totally what I meant to do and it sounds 'right' to me so it's hard for me to judge how others are hearing it.

These odd signatures are tough on a first listen, always.

I did seriously think about putting this in 6/8 but the funny almost minuet-like feel of the 3-4 pulse (eg the piano chords right at the beginning0 kept drawing me back in and once I figured out how to fingerpick 7/8 the die was cast. Now of course it sounds totally normal to me.
ZBandit
A New Player
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Nov 14, 2011 1:38 pm
Submitting as: Life in Decibels

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by ZBandit »

Son of Supercar: the vocals were powerful without being overly screamy/aggro. Some EQ could add body to the instrumentation.

Billy and the Psychotics: Quality musicianship and production quality. Use of the second vocalist in the chorus helped the song move & develop. Didn't feel like you tied in to the title of the track in a meaningful way, or if you did, I missed it.

Paco Del Stinko: Grabbed my attention with the intro. Used noise well to drive and support the more melodic elements, without overshadowing them. Vocals came across somewhat clouded, however.

Hiphopanonymous: You set a high bar for yourself when you record a song that can't help but be reminiscent of "Stan." Nice production, use of minor keys to set the atmosphere. Some lines didn't hit for me- the "she's not amused" line didn't fit with the gravity of the rest of the phrase.

DJ Ranger Den: Good vocals and strong use of rhythm to counterpoint the guitar. The later kept it from being overly evocative of other female singer/songwriters.

Pig farmer: vocals need to be re-approached. the noise elements could be developed in interesting ways, were occasionally evocative of video games.

Dejected Motives: It's difficult to use auto tune in innovative ways given the saturation that has occurred over the past few years. The use here did not support or enhance the vocals, but only clouded them. Would have liked to have been able to hear the lyrics more clearly.

Emperor Gum: Quite the instrumental intro! I got the impression that you were reaching out of your register occasionally with your vocal line, however.

BSS: Another vocal line that resided low in the singer's range. Very difficult to build when starting so low in the verse.

Mom + Data: I get a Conor Oberst vibe from this. Would have liked more variation toward the end of the song. I really liked this track and got the sense that the melodic line variation is within reach.

Futureboy: In the section where the harmonic vocal line drops low, I would have liked to hear a counterpoint up high, could have really cut that section loose. Unique phrasing and good development.

Dirge: The instrumentation was blended nicely, especially at the intro. It's tough to create a dark yet warm atmosphere right off the bat.

Klownhole: The expressiveness of your singer is a strongpoint. The instrumentation could benefit from EQ or other method of enhancing their presence.

Ripping Hammer: I liked the synth countering the vocals after the first verse, giving them room to stand on their own and not just as embellishments. I really wanted this song to shift in to high gear. Are you going to develop this one after the Fight?

Sportswriters: Great use of drums to twist the traditional Irish influence/song structure in an unusual way. Dark picture well painted.

Wicked Cripple: If you're going to do joke rap, finding your own voice is critical, given the number of Lonely Island knock offs out there. I get the sense you're still looking.

TC Elliot: I get a They Might Be Giants impression. The vocal style was so reminiscent of that band that I had a hard time listening to it as a Songfight entry and not expecting "Birdhouse in Your Soul" to come on afterward.

C Layne: Vocal expressiveness and control hooked me. The restraint and quality of your rhythmic/synth instrumentation stood on its own without the guitar solo. I really enjoyed the track and think this is the one instance in this fight where less could have been more.

BGM: Great crowd mover potential. Wanted more. Nicely done.
User avatar
sportswriters
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:28 pm
Instruments: Guitars, bass, keys, a bit of vox, string arrangements, anything really.
Recording Method: Logic/Mac Pro/Kontakt/Waves. Cheap mics rock.
Submitting as: Sportswriters
Location: Out there

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by sportswriters »

This was a strong contest with many interesting entries. Some decent songs were let down by poor production and/or crappy vocals. But I made it through the vast majority without having to try to hard.

BERKELEY SOCIAL SCENE
Verse is good. I do not hate the vocal. Chorus is awkward and sloppy. Overall it has that indie underachieving thing going, like it's scared to be good. Female backing vocal is good exept where it's going out of time (deliberately). Solo doesn't do anything for me at all. There's a decent song in here disguised by sloppy performance and just not quite getting there. Made it all the way through, but not a vote.

BGM
Impeccable production and close-miked vocal as always. Love the lyrics and the little major-minor turnaround. The precisely double tracked harmony is great. Your intonation is so good. Love the disco breakdown with the reprise at the end. Always a sucker for a song that tells a story. I have nothing bad to say about this, like a cross between the Postal Service and the Magnetic Fields. Reading the other review, I guess a bridge would have lifted it a bit higher but the disco part did it for me. VOTE.


BILLY & THE PSYCHOTICS
Look, if you're going to come in hard on the bass line, it better be a great bass sound. This is not a great bass sound and the playing is kind of sloppy. Programmed drum roll is also a turn off right at the get-go. Then a bunch of bloviating guitar. Oh no, now they're singing about 'reality'. Veering dangerously close to Spinal Tap territory. Appreciate the energy, but now it's over and I have a headache.

C LAYNE
A nursery rhyme tune over a hiphop beat, that got my attention. Lots of nice production things going on and the vocal tone is sweet. Then it goes into a sort of Wings section with some fairly uninspired guitar work. What? The rest of the production is so nice, the boring guitars are super disappointing. But the chorus vocal line is good, got a 70s 10cc vibe. Then some cut-up stuff with tizzy distortion which doesn't cut it for me. But I will still give this a VOTE.


T C ELLIOTT
Nice hat!*

DEJECTED MOTIVES
When I saw this was 7' long I thought 'uh oh'. And then the autotuned vocal began. Dear God, no. I had to stop at 14 seconds, just to get the courage to go on. I made it all the way to 0.43 before IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY MAKE IT STOP! THE GOGGLES, THEY DO NOTHING!

PIGFARMER
The verse lyrics to this are actually pretty good. But the electro-cum-ramones kind of thing isn't working for me at all and the 'take away the pain' chorus sounds like an outtake from a 14 year old's emo garage band recording. Sorry. I didn't want to be down on this because the lyric has got something going on.

DIRGE
The letter concept is clever and the lyrics could work with a bit more, work, I guess. The two chord musical concept works for this kind of thing. But the execution is sloppy and ill thought-out. It really is not that hard to play in time, folks, and write parts that are not simply meandering doodles over a scale. I started out wanting to like this but I didn't.

DJ RANGER DEN
Nice guitar. Nice voice, well recorded. Lyrics good. Relaxed timing is great. Chord sequence keeps going into interesting places, with those sevenths. Would like to hear a stand up bass and trap drum with brushes on this, maybe a soft piano. Great performance overall. VOTE.


EMPEROR GUM
By God, yes. The sounds are fantastic! But then the vocal almost ruins it. Terrible tin-can production. It's not a bad voice but try close-miking it and putting it in the same space as the other instruments, which are beautifully recorded, and make the sloppy playing sound deliberate and rather wonderful. There's no reason not to do the same thing with the voice. I'm going to VOTE on this though, just because it's so unusual and interesting and the instrumentation is beautiful.


FUTURE BOY
Nice Rhodes, like bgm says. Vocal needs a little something. A harmony, a backing part? OH HERE'S THE CHORUS AND HOW. WOW. The voice is so much nicer when it has a backing. On its own the pitch is too exposed. Not quite a vote but close.

HIPHOPANONYMOUS
Yeah, I'm not really digging this. Wordplay is clever enough and I didn't see the twist coming. but the whole thing leaves a bit of a bad taste. Which I'm sure is the intention, but I'll pass anyway.

KLOWNHOLE
I sort of like the dime store guitar and cardboard box drums but the histrionic vocals are not doing anything for me. This has a sort of Beefheart vibe but the singing is heading into territory I've little interest in visiting. Bailed, sorry.

LIFE IN DECIBELS
Arrangement/production is fine if soporific and dated but the again voice kills it. Also, you better bring your AAA+++ WOULD BUY AGAIN game if you're gonna rip off Kraftwerk quite so obviously.

MOM+DATA
Interesting opening, like the bass line against the organ. Oooh, quite like the vocal. Lyric is drivel but the production keeps things interesting for a while. I would have voted for this with a better lyric. 'No-one cares'. True nuf, I'm afraid.

PACO DEL STINKO
Yeah, that krushed whatever-the-fuck-it-is is great. I'm not listening to the words though. The sweeping sine wave is kind of fun as a structural element to bring in the chorus. I'm sort of zoning out on the whole thing though, feels a bit rote to be honest. I feel like some driving Big Black style percussion would have made all the difference on this. Felt a bit underpowered without it.

RIPPING HAMMER
So it's the Pet Shop Boys, right? Horrible, crappy-sounding production at the start. Gets more interesting one the chunkachunk guitar comes in, but then meanders along pointlessly doing the same thing. Then stops. O-kay.

SON OF SUPERCAR
I have fantasies of walking into a bar and seeing this band with three other people. I would totally become a fan. I've bought many singles that are considerably worse than this. I have made several myself. First guitar solo is THE FUCKING DOGS BOLLOCKS <-- excellent thing. I would vote for the solo on its own. Yeah, that's a VOTE my friends.


WICKED CRIPPLE
Nice hat!*

SPORTSWRITERS
I enjoyed learning to do this in 7/8. Like I say I tried to put it in 6/8 but it sounded The Streets of Laredo or some mock Celtic folk drivel. The basic rhythmic idea is stolen from the turnaround of the Strangler's Golden Brown. The story is a true one - it's the suicide of Sylvia Plath told from the point of view of the elderly painter who lived underneath her. Most of the details are accurate.

Anyway, votes to: BGM, C LAYNE, DJ, SUPERCAR, EMPEROR GUM. If I had to pick a winner, probably DJ because I have no quibbles.


* I once took a course to become a snowboard instructor. We were encouraged to give feedback like this: compliment them on something, then say 'to do it even better' and give them the negative feedback. For example: "Nice stance! You could carve even better if you pressure the front foot more". Someone asked what you do if the riding is so bad that there's nothing you can actually compliment. The guy who was running the course smiled and said "You say, 'Nice hat!'". So, nice hat!
Last edited by sportswriters on Mon Nov 14, 2011 10:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
glennny
Jump
Posts: 2196
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 2:39 am
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Mandolin, Dobro, Banjo, E-Bow, Glock
Recording Method: Garageband
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene
Location: Castro Valley, California

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by glennny »

The Last Afternoon of a Woman He Only Thought He Knew

BGM- We begin with a bang! Mix is just fantastic. This is a catchy pop tune, despite not having a chorus. The harmonies are quite nice. The whispery indie rock vocals are spot on only slightly robotic. There seems to be a lot of Song Fight entries that remind me of “Pop Goes the World”, why is that? It’s not there’s a bunch of entries that remind me of Black Dog or something clearly great. Anyway, I love this entry. This easily gets a vote. There’s not much of an arc to the song, I feel like I jump on the train, enjoy the ride and hop off 3 minutes later bopping my head. The verse is so restrained; I kept bracing myself for a wailing chorus. Anyway, this is super fun. VOTE!

Billy & the Psychotics- This song should not follow the BGM song. There are similar root 8th notes. Wow man! Killer riffs! I love the Paco solo’s! Dj’s addition on the high end is the kind of “coming together” I’ve been waiting for with you guys! Oh man! Sooooo good to have the rock! Rock power! Vote, winner?

C. Layne- I feel a lot like I did with your last entry. This is really great to listen to, but I’m not sure about the composition. The mix is just about perfect. The drums and rhythm tracks are super groovy. Your voice is great. I feel like we’re in a music store and various instruments are getting picked up for different moments in the song. I haven’t been able to follow the lyrics at all, the music is so interesting. Not so much the structure or chord pattern, but the cornucopia of timbres and mix. Yeah, I have to vote for this. This would be excellent music to paint to. Vote!

Dejected Motives- Really? Super-Autotune and 7 minutes? The mix is pretty harsh on the high end too. Vocals are way too hot. I like the lower guitar riff. This is pretty mean to the listener. No thanks.

Dirge- I come from a band where we have an awesome female vocalist, and often she’s not available and I end up singing. It’s rough. Your voice is good, I’m a bit sad not to hear Sara this fight. The acoustics are pretty, this song is pretty sleepy. I’m really digging the Dave Gilmour leads. Woah! Left turn to metal ballad. You know “…retarded and stupid” is pretty weak. I’m trying hard to not let my kids say those words. I don’t mind bathroom, sex, and most swearing, but that’s just lazy lyrics. Such an opportunity for poetry then just farted. No offense. There’s a lot of goodness going on in this track, but it doesn’t all come together for me. I really dig the soloing though!

DJ Ranger Den- Love the singing, love the performance. I think your dynamics are great! However, I don’t walk away from this humming a melody, or repeating a hook in my head. It’s very pleasant; I paid my dues in coffee shops in the early 90’s so I have a bit of a genre bias towards this format. I enjoyed this, but not enough for a vote I’m afraid.

Emperor Gum- Now that’s a long intro. There’s a lot of interesting things going on in that intro. What exactly is all the instrumentation? Sounds like a blend of some cool acoustic instruments, then like MIDI strings or something. I really love that intro. It drops down a few notches when the vocals enter. Your voice isn’t that bad, despite the sour note, but the recording is harsh and bristly. The vocal melody needs some tightening.

Future Boy- Oh yeah! I love it! The electric piano is very nice to hear. Wow there’s a bang! This is very Cornelius. That melody and harmony reminds me of the “adios” part of “Thank You for the Music”. This is awesome. Easily gets a vote! I love the jazzy melody and the story telling. Great stuff! Vote!

Hip Hop Anonymous- I think this is way too slow. More bpm and this might be fun. I’m listening to this thinking “COME ON!!!! Go somewhere!”. Yeah I don’t like the over articulation of the vocals. Not my thing. Not bad, but not inspiring.

Klownhole- I think the best line of the song was written for you. It’s nice to hear the rock, and the dirty sounds from the guitar. I like the live drum sound a lot, what the drummer is playing is weird to me often. Killer vocals man! The whole thing sounds pretty drunk. This reminds me of 3am and downtown rehearsal on a Saturday night circa 1997. Fun listen, not enough of a song for a vote. Cool stuff though.

Life in Decibels- This takes a while to get where it’s going. I’m glad you cut it to 2:58, but it’s unfortunate there’s that 72 seconds of silence on the end. I like the groove at 0:54, it reminds me of the Faint. The dynamics don’t really work for me, and the groove isn’t awesome enough to carry this. It’s alright, but not something I’ll be listening to a lot.

Mom & Data- Digging the organ intro. Oh sweet intro! I’m liking the verse a lot. Cool drums and bass line! Guitar enters at the minute mark, restrained and tasteful. This song is kicking ass. Hit me with a chorus! Damn it! Another verse? Where’s the chorus? Okay 2nd verse same as the 1st (musically). Hooky bridge? Mellow instrumental bridge. I like your voice a lot. The production is excellent. This song really blows a great opportunity for greatness. I like it for what it is. Yes you get a vote. Come on, write a hook!

Paco del Stinko- What the Hell is going on? I realize that tone is on purpose, but I hate it. I wish I was relieved from it in the chorus. I’d probably like this better not on headphones. Speaking of Headphones, this could go on the Ben Krieger Headphones album. The songwriting and playing is solid and awesome, with excellent vocals, that tone is stirring violence in me. Cool song, I wish that harsh key/fuzz thing was pulled back, I couldn’t enjoy everything else. (I think you found the brown note).

Pig Farmer Jr.- I can’t dance to this, I don’t care about the story. It’s not terrible, well some of the vocal phrasing is terrible. Nobody says “remembering “ like that for example. This is very full of awkward timing. Not into it.

Ripping Hammer- I like the backing ahs. The sing talk is underwhelming. The drums are pretty interesting. Yeah the vocals are by far the weakest element. The ending is cut off as well. This seems like a rough sketch of some ideas. Some good ideas, but not fully formulated yet.

Son of Super Car- Nice verse melody! Weird chord pattern! Why is there mumbling in the background? That is annoying. I think the music should change a bit more in the chorus. Nice guitar noisy solo! Is that talk radio picked up in an amplifier? This is very cool and gets a vote, I think distinguishing the verse from the chorus more would make this all the stronger. It’s great to hear live band stuff! Vote!

Sportswriters- I agree with Frankie the drums are a bit of a mess. All the interplay with the piano and acoustics and string patches are nice. Your voice is nice. I long for a simple bass line underneath this sea of arpeggios. A song without a strong beat needs a really strong melody. I think the melody is falling short. The playing is fantastic (maybe not the drums), but I’m hoping for a hook. I walk away from this thinking “ blah blah blah pretty guitars blah blah Valentines Day blah blah”. I hope that didn’t sound too mean. This is a good song and a valiant effort, but you had my 2nd favorite song last fight, so I’m a little disappointed. No worries though, there’s another fight coming up! I look forward to your entry!

TC Elliot- I like Windy too. Especially the Wes Montgomery version of it. The Association would have a compelling lawsuit I believe. Yeah the melody is the best part, but it’s a little too lifted for my tastes. You could stand to get some more melodies going on too. Drum machines aren’t doing it for me either. This is an okay listen, but nothing amazing to really grab on to.

Wicked Cripple- ……….skip… I skip around, I can’t get into it. Genre bias I guess. I guess I like the bass line.


Berkeley Social Scene- I guess Lunk played the keys. It is a fantastic tone. I love it too! I approached the solo a little different than usual. I recorded it twice. Inspired by the keys tone I made the 2 solos either the same note or an octave. I resisted my predilection for guitarmonies. I think Lunks vocals are great! There’s another version where you have my vocals doing silly things beyond my abilities. It’s good to have Lunk and Ken for editing my whimsy. Erin’s vocals are such a tasty touch. By the way, the wrong version initially got sent in. The proper version doesn’t have keys in the solo section. When I tracked the solo they weren’t there, so hearing this version makes me cringe a bit because they are not complimenting each other. This is one of my favorites we’ve done! Maybe I can get Lunk to ham it up for a video?

Excellent fight everyone!

Votes go to:

Berkeley Social Scene
Son of Super Car
Mom & Data
Future Boy
C. Layne
B & P
bgm
Phillipso, Older Brothers, Semolina Pilchards, Zipline , Thank Glennny for the Frisbee, The Odoriferous Valley, The Worldly Self Assurance, Berkeley Social Scene, Very Gentle Knives, Daddy Bop Swing Set, GUNS, The Kraken Lives, Cavedwellers
Mr. Car
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 58
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2005 10:27 pm
Instruments: Wood things with P-90's
Recording Method: Lang-O-Tron 3.2.4
Submitting as: sonofsupercar
Location: Japantown

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Mr. Car »

sportswriters wrote:
SON OF SUPERCAR
I have fantasies of walking into a bar and seeing this band with three other people. I would totally become a fan. I've bought many singles that are considerably worse than this. I have made several myself. First guitar solo is THE FUCKING DOGS BOLLOCKS <-- excellent thing. I would vote for the solo on its own. Yeah, that's a VOTE my friends.

Pretty much exactly what our gigs have been. BUT, you would actually BE the 3rd guy in the audience.
That's Paco's ripping guitar. And great bass work.
glennny wrote:
Son of Super Car- Why is there mumbling in the background? That is annoying. Is that talk radio picked up in an amplifier?
I was trying to rip off PIL "Fat Chance Hotel". No John Lydon am I.
sonofsupercar, Kindly Swears, Bang Operator, Turtle Boy
User avatar
sportswriters
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:28 pm
Instruments: Guitars, bass, keys, a bit of vox, string arrangements, anything really.
Recording Method: Logic/Mac Pro/Kontakt/Waves. Cheap mics rock.
Submitting as: Sportswriters
Location: Out there

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by sportswriters »

I listened to my drums again. I was wrong -- the snare isn't on 3 and 6, it's on 2 1/2 and 6. It was supposed to be a ghost note leading in to the kick on 3, to syncopate the whole thing a bit. That's still how I hear the groove. But if you're expecting the snare on the backbeat it might well throw you off as it's a sixteenth note away. So I did a version with the snare solidly on 3. Does that fix the problem you guys were hearing?

http://soundcloud.com/sportswriters/valentines-day
User avatar
glennny
Jump
Posts: 2196
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 2:39 am
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Mandolin, Dobro, Banjo, E-Bow, Glock
Recording Method: Garageband
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene
Location: Castro Valley, California

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by glennny »

It somewhat fixes it for me. It goes from a mess to weird. I'd eliminate all those fills and embrace the 7/8 . Why aren't you stressing 1 and 4? (maybe there's a kick there that I can't hear on my PC speakers). Was this song really written for the title?
Phillipso, Older Brothers, Semolina Pilchards, Zipline , Thank Glennny for the Frisbee, The Odoriferous Valley, The Worldly Self Assurance, Berkeley Social Scene, Very Gentle Knives, Daddy Bop Swing Set, GUNS, The Kraken Lives, Cavedwellers
User avatar
sportswriters
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:28 pm
Instruments: Guitars, bass, keys, a bit of vox, string arrangements, anything really.
Recording Method: Logic/Mac Pro/Kontakt/Waves. Cheap mics rock.
Submitting as: Sportswriters
Location: Out there

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by sportswriters »

Yes, there's an accented kick on 1 & 4. If you're not getting that it will make no sense.

The original groove is

Code: Select all

S . . . x . . . . . . x . . .
K X . . . x . X . x . . . . . 
The amended groove is

Code: Select all

S . . . . x . . . . . . x . . 
K X . . x . . X . x . . . . . 

glennny wrote:Was this song really written for the title?
Absolutely. Started work on it Thursday after the last songfight, finished writing it over the weekend, tracked it Monday and posted lyrics, posted a rough mix to Soundcloud on Thursday and demo to music.metafilter on Thursday. Mailed it on on Friday after making a few changes.
User avatar
wickedcripple
A New Player
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2011 9:20 am
Instruments: Lyrics, Vocals (raps,rymes, Whatever).80'S SYNTH
Recording Method: Adobe Audition, Samson (Shure knockoff)
Submitting as: Billy Oh!
Contact:

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by wickedcripple »

[quote="frankie big face"]Reviews!

Wicked Cripple – I thought this sucked.



Well, this is the 1st time on here, and doing Sf, however I've collaborated with Don't Reply on this, and it will get better. I've done others that lyrically were better, DR had some good music to it .. but We aren't giving up that easily. Just gonna spend more time on them.

Wicked cripple isn't meant to be all warm and fuzzy, it's a character concept. keep listening though, you'll see the change. Thanks for the although ABRUPT criticism, but it was helpful.
User avatar
dirgetheband
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 132
Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:52 pm
Instruments: Guitar
Recording Method: Pro Tools 8 M-Powered, Dell XPS 630, M-Audio Delta 66/44, Tascam 488 & 424
Submitting as: Dirge
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: St. Louis MO

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by dirgetheband »

glennny wrote:Dirge- ...You know “…retarded and stupid” is pretty weak. I’m trying hard to not let my kids say those words. I don’t mind bathroom, sex, and most swearing, but that’s just lazy lyrics. Such an opportunity for poetry then just farted. No offense.
I was going to address this in my review for all the songs, but you beat me to it. The lyrics are based off the story "De Daumier-Smith's Blue Period" in JD Salinger's Nine Stories. The phrase in questions is a line from the story. The protagonist is an art instructor and a number of his students are so hopelessly beyond help (ha ha, like some people on this board, myself included???) that, in discussion with his one brilliant student, he labels them "retarded and stupid."

In previous songs I had written for "Perfect Day For Bananafish" and "Pretty Mouth, and Green My Eyes" I had looked for one phrase in the text that stuck out and incorporated it into the lyrics. I wanted to continue that trend. (PJ Harvey did a similar thing in her song "Angelene.") "Retarded and stupid" just really stuck out to me.

I understand your objection to the use of the word retarded, and if it were in someone else's song, I would probably have voiced a similar opinion. It was a calculated risk using the word and one that I feel is justified given the context of the story and the slightly naive nature of the narrator (he's almost mentally unhinged). Also, I think it just ends up sounding kind of different and cool.

(edit: I was considering using the word "bitches" but seeing where that got us all last week... :twisted: Mwaahh hah ahah!)
DT
User avatar
wickedcripple
A New Player
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon Oct 31, 2011 9:20 am
Instruments: Lyrics, Vocals (raps,rymes, Whatever).80'S SYNTH
Recording Method: Adobe Audition, Samson (Shure knockoff)
Submitting as: Billy Oh!
Contact:

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by wickedcripple »

Thanks for the Criticism, I do appreciate that. It's my first Song fight, and 1st time collaborating with don't reply, I am sure we will get better ... It's a tongue in cheek type song. My influences are ICP, Jerry Reed (smokey and the bandit, when your hot your hot) , and CW McCall ( Convoy). Not trying to do a traditional rap .. but a story that rhymes a bit. And yes all my Wicked Cripple stuff has dark undertones to it, but I always say, Wicked Cripple is the voice of the unwell, he can say things people only wish or imagine in there head. i have a few more tracks on Unsigned. I know a lot of people thought it sucked, and i somewhat agree, DR did a great job with music and stuff .. the mastering will to get better ... But as 1st time out of gate, i was just proud to get one out there.



Wicked Cripple feat. dont reply
I get that it's COMEDY MUSIC! but I'd love to hear the vox up a bit higher so I could hear the jokes better.
I do like the "asshole" hook, it was quite well done, in a musical sense, and catchy.
However the whole thing sort of feels like another SNL DIGITAL SHORT haha Andy Samberg funny nerdy hiphop thing .[/quote]
User avatar
Future Boy
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 412
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 7:55 am
Instruments: Keyboard, Vocals
Recording Method: Apollo Twin, Reaper, Rhodes, Casios
Submitting as: Future Boy
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Seattle, WA
Contact:

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Future Boy »

sportswriters wrote:I listened to my drums again. I was wrong -- the snare isn't on 3 and 6, it's on 2 1/2 and 6. It was supposed to be a ghost note leading in to the kick on 3, to syncopate the whole thing a bit. That's still how I hear the groove. But if you're expecting the snare on the backbeat it might well throw you off as it's a sixteenth note away. So I did a version with the snare solidly on 3. Does that fix the problem you guys were hearing?
Yes this helps for me, as well. But I can hardly hear the kick and I'm not even sure if it's in there until around 1:25. I think your original groove could work, but I might do something like:

Code: Select all

S . . . x . . . . . . x . . .
K X . . . . x X . X . . . X .
And then really mean it on the snare hits. The rhythm above essentially treats the first three counts as a 2 beat grouping and then the last four counts really emphasize the 4-ness. I think having a solid kick here it key, perhaps even a bass or something playing nearly the same rhythm.

That said, *before* the drums enter, the song flows well for me, but I'm not sure I could tell you right off the bat that it was in 7/8.
New Album: Comes Apart | Missed Connections | With Johnny Cashpoint: A Maze of Death | modular synths on Youtube
User avatar
dirgetheband
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 132
Joined: Tue Nov 04, 2008 9:52 pm
Instruments: Guitar
Recording Method: Pro Tools 8 M-Powered, Dell XPS 630, M-Audio Delta 66/44, Tascam 488 & 424
Submitting as: Dirge
Pronouns: He/Him
Location: St. Louis MO

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by dirgetheband »

frankie big face wrote:Dirge – This song suffers from too many maladies to list in a short review. Keep trying—sounds like you have potential.
Can you list three of them? I'm a big boy, I can take it.
DT
User avatar
bgm
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 153
Joined: Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:40 pm
Instruments: guitars, vocals, some drums, some keys, various shaky things
Recording Method: Logic
Submitting as: bgm, 73 Keep It Beautiful, From A Basement
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Toronto
Contact:

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by bgm »

glennny wrote:There seems to be a lot of Song Fight entries that remind me of “Pop Goes the World”
Too funny. All day on Sunday after I submitted this I kept catching myself singing "Pop Goes the World" and wondering why. Duh, it's the same fucking song. Totally unintentional. Oh well.
Thanks for the review!
User avatar
Billy's Little Trip
Odie
Posts: 12090
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
Location: Cali fucking ornia

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Billy's Little Trip »

dirgetheband wrote:
frankie big face wrote:Dirge – This song suffers from too many maladies to list in a short review. Keep trying—sounds like you have potential.
Can you list three of them? I'm a big boy, I can take it.
I think Frankie just wanted to use the word maladies in a sentence. :D
User avatar
Billy's Little Trip
Odie
Posts: 12090
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
Location: Cali fucking ornia

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Billy's Little Trip »

sportswriters wrote: BILLY & THE PSYCHOTICS
Then a bunch of bloviating guitar
Th second you heard my promising but unfulfilled guitar performance, you seized the opportunity to use a wonderful word that rarely gets used this day and age. So you, good sir, are welcome.


....oh, and you can bloviate me. :P
Thanks for the review.
Mr. Car
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 58
Joined: Sat Dec 17, 2005 10:27 pm
Instruments: Wood things with P-90's
Recording Method: Lang-O-Tron 3.2.4
Submitting as: sonofsupercar
Location: Japantown

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Mr. Car »

Votes to:
Emperorgum- rather compelling, actually. Music reminds me alot of the soundtrack CD to HBO's Carnivale, which is a good vibe.
Rip- my intestines are still in their rightful location, but this is good. Nice beats and a good vocal vibe, although I'm not sure what you were singing....I guess leaving me guessing is a big plus in my book.
Billy and the psychotics- The sounds of LA from three decades crammed into one song.
Klownhole- the 11am slot of a 15 band concert at a filthy motor speedway in 1970. And that is freakin noteworthy.
Sportswriters- why does this remind me of Canada? I suppose I was in the mood for that last night.
Paco- I just LOVE that main gutteral instrument sound and I want to steal it. That alone is worth a vote.
Honorable mention to Berkeley Social Scene, C. layne, mom+data, bgm, future boy and dirge. I will spend my last free-floating vote on one of these after further listens.
None of the other songs were bad, I just didn't make a personal connection to them.
Yay, fight!
sonofsupercar, Kindly Swears, Bang Operator, Turtle Boy
User avatar
Billy's Little Trip
Odie
Posts: 12090
Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 2:56 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Vocals, Drums, Skin Flute
Recording Method: analog to digital via Presonus FireBox, Cubase and a porn machine
Submitting as: Billy's Little Trip, Billy and the Psychotics
Location: Cali fucking ornia

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Billy's Little Trip »

Mr. Car wrote: Billy and the psychotics- The sounds of LA from three decades crammed into one song.
See, you get it! Thank you! :P
When this song was on the drawing board, I told DJ that it is going to be built with superfluous as the guiding light. Everything from the power punch intro and now my fav word, "bloviating guitars", to the overdone crash and burn drum outro. lol. So yeah, right on.

...to think I ended up taking out gongs, roto toms, and some other bloviating things. :lol:
User avatar
Heine
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 175
Joined: Sat Nov 29, 2008 2:25 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass
Recording Method: Presonus FP10, Cubase
Submitting as: SoFa Productions Inc., Double Me Double U, heine
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Hannover, Germany
Contact:

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Heine »

sportswriters wrote:I listened to my drums again. I was wrong -- the snare isn't on 3 and 6, it's on 2 1/2 and 6. It was supposed to be a ghost note leading in to the kick on 3, to syncopate the whole thing a bit. That's still how I hear the groove. But if you're expecting the snare on the backbeat it might well throw you off as it's a sixteenth note away. So I did a version with the snare solidly on 3. Does that fix the problem you guys were hearing?
http://soundcloud.com/sportswriters/valentines-day
Hey sportswriters,
that song's pure beauty! Touching me, really.
After listening to both versions I really think it doesn't need any drums. I guess would be even stronger and more mellow without.
Don't wanna bother but... Are you willing to post this song without drums? Please!
But anyway - YOU got my VOTE!

Votes go also to...
Billy &... (for power),
Emperor Gum (for unusual orchestration),
sonofsupercar (for really cool sound - what kind of mic was used for vocals?)
Berkeley... (for liking the harmony vocals),
DJ (for irritating me, expecting some HipHop instead),
bgm (for simplicity and rhyming couplets) and
Future Boy (for nice keyboard playing and strong harmonies - though that Michael Jackson-kinda-break is ruining it a bit).
All in all a strong fight!
www.heine-musik.de - Stark autark! - Keller Kollektiv - Vince Link - "Paragon of Teutonic Gloominess" - Elaine DiMasi
User avatar
sportswriters
Somebody Get Me A Doctor
Posts: 115
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:28 pm
Instruments: Guitars, bass, keys, a bit of vox, string arrangements, anything really.
Recording Method: Logic/Mac Pro/Kontakt/Waves. Cheap mics rock.
Submitting as: Sportswriters
Location: Out there

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by sportswriters »

Heine wrote:Are you willing to post this song without drums? Please!
How could I say no after being asked like that?

Here you go:

http://soundcloud.com/sportswriters/val ... y-no-drums
User avatar
Pigfarmer Jr
Jump
Posts: 2293
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2009 6:13 am
Instruments: Guitar
Recording Method: Br-900CD and Reaper to mix
Submitting as: Pigfarmer Jr, Evil Grin, Pork Producer, Gilmore Lynette Tootle, T.C. Elliott
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Columbia, Missouri
Contact:

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

Last Afternoon Reviews

Berkeley Social Scene - I like the verses better than the chorus. But by the end the chorus grew on me.

bgm - Cool bass line in the breaks. Reminds me of something. This sounds fun to play. I like it.

Billy And The Psychotics - I like rock n roll. I like rock n roll guitars especially.

c.layne - This didn't do much for me... at first. By the second listen I think I was convinced. Yeah, I like it, but it took a bit. Not sure why.

Dejected Motives - Well, the vox was in tune. And loud. I didn't care for the vox after a short while. I was okay with the music for the most part. Is that an electronic bagpipe in there?

Dirge - Vox too low in the mix right off. Ah, there it comes a little bit, or maybe that's just inflection. I like the melody and the music. Lead guitar is loud compared to
everything else, especially on the latter half of the the break. Wasn't expecting that at the end. Kinda cool, especially with the growly vox.

DJ Ranger Den - I love the vox with the guitar... but the guitar is a bit muddy for me. If it were clearer to match the vox it'd sit better in my mind. People around here hate the DI guitar, but if you tried mixing a track of DI with the mic'd guitar it might add a bit of clarity without causing folks to comment. But shhh, it's a secret. Since I started mixing a mic and DI no-ones mentioned that the acoustic sounds like shit so it must be working. I love the song, btw. Ooh, I just had a thought. You think the G&G haters will attack this one as well? It's well performed and well written I think. It works great this way. It'll be fun to see how many ppl disparage it for the arrangement. I'm betting someone says they turned it off by 0:47, too bad though.
DJ Ranger Den - P.S. And mixed a bit low cuz sonsofsupercar blasted the speaker cuz I'd turned the stereo up.

Emporer Gum - Is this an old silent film track where the dude is sad about something? I can imagine Buster Keaton... oh, there are vox. Kinda ruined it for me because I was enjoying imagining Buster Keaton. Guess that isn't your fault, though. It's evocative.

Future Boy - I liked it a lot when it kicked in. I think I was not giving the lyric enough attention at first. Listener error.

Hip Hop Anonymous - I liked the piano, the whole musical track. The vox wasn't great for me, but damn, I got hooked into the story quick. Erm.. wow, that turned disturbing.

Klownhole - I want the temp to be a hair faster for some reason. And the vox took some getting use to. But by the end I was grooving.

Life In Decibels - The vox put me off a little bit. I liked the melody on the title line and it worked well against the rhythm.

Mom&Data - When the bass came in it reminded me of something I'd hear on the radio, like a Kings of Leon song or something. (I don't listen to the radio much at all, so I'm reaching for knowing what is on it these days.) I think the vox is decent and reminds me of something I'd hear in the early 90's. I like the staccato parts and think
you've put the track together well.

Paco Del Stinko - This reminds me of 1992 and my roommates 1400 baud modem trying to log onto Hidden Worlds Merc* Mud with a 120 people in queue. I don't know which was longer the modem connecting or the wait for a slot to open up. This seems like a super, super long time. JUST MAKE THE MODEM CONNECT ALREADY!!!! Otherwise, I liked it.

Pigfarmer Jr - Wow this is worse than I thought. First time trying this type of thing and it shows (to put it mildly.)

Ripping Hammer - I didn't dislike this.

sonsofsupercar - The vox reminds me of 'caught stealing' by jane's addiction a little bit. No idea if that's good or bad. Another song that didn't grab me right off but by the end wasn't so bad. That's odd, ain't it? Usually it gets worse instead of better. I must be in a damn good mood tonight.

Sportswriters - I liked the guitar right off, it was like a vague memory of something else. I don't mean it reminds me of something else specifically, but that it evoked a feeling of remembering. The time signature is perfect. The vocals are good and the strings are used so well (much better than I can use them) in support of the song. I don't really care for that snare in a few places but I really like this song as a whole.

T.C. Elliott - Written /recorded in about 2 hours on Sunday morning. Just trying new things this fight, as could probably be heard. Chorus vox isn't sitting well with me. Pretty happy with it otherwise all things considered.

Wicked Cripple feat. don't reply - Heh, love that chorus. A couple of good lines in there as well.




*Merc based, but highly modified. This mud was the first one to have an online building system to create new areas. It's still up, actually.
Evil Grin bandcamp - Evil Grin spotify
T.C. Elliott bandcamp - T.C. Elliott spotify

"PigFramer: Guy and guitar OF MY NIGHTMARES." - Blue Lang
User avatar
blue
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1710
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:09 pm
Location: irc
Contact:

Re: the last review of a song etc. (the last afternoon revie

Post by blue »

Heine wrote:
sportswriters wrote: sonofsupercar (for really cool sound - what kind of mic was used for vocals?)
lower-mixed main vox track is a Beta '58 pointed at a PA speaker and the other one is a Sennheiser E825S. "rock vocals" preset on one track and "backing vocals" preset on the other in studio one.

sooo.. nothing interesting. :)

whole song was tracked with those two mics.
Post Reply