SpinTunes 2020 Winter Warm​-​up #1 'Epic Rap Battles of Courtesy!'

[BoffoYux]

Dr. Lindyke -
Me Vs Mini-Me

<DAVE ROUND 1>
I’m a father of three little 'mini me's
I'm Proud of 'em all but let’s let two of 'em be
and talk about you, Tim -- What can I say?
I’ll stick to what’s true cause I made you that way
I mean, you’re nice. No—really—you’re nice
I made your mama have twins 'cause I wanted you twice.
You’re emotive—you’re in touch with your feels
Don’t be embarrassed about it, I’m just keeping it real,
I could say it again, we all know it’s true
When the honeys need comfort their boyfriends tell em be with you
I don’t know how you do it without being smug
I saw a girl drive across town — just to get a hug
There at the game store
I saw your fame, boy
The honeys cling to you just like white on rice
Hell, You *must* comfy, 'cause DAMMIT! You’re NICE!

<TIM ROUND 1>
Your rap was nice, and good things come in threes,
So I’m glad you got to experience the birds and the bees,
You said you’re keeping it real? Well I’m keeping it tight,
You’re the one who taught me how to be so chuffing polite,
And all the ladies have to ask “How’d you get so rad?”
I tell 'em how I got my skills from my incredible Dad,
You give me more credit than I think I’m worth,
How about we move along to your second verse?

<DAVE ROUND 2>
That's enough about me, let's look at your talents
When they're all laid out it'll tip the balance
You're no stranger to music and the SpinTunes world
(and those trumpet-playin' lips might explain the girls)
In academic circles you've gone farther than me
You got the paper to prove it, with your art degree
But forget the credentials, it's your skills that are graphic
If you put em on a billboard they'd stop all the traffic
You write your own games, you're the Gameboy Kid
And you never lose The Game, like Spin just did.
And your vocal skills--? I'm not tryin' to be braggy
But you'll get a Scooby Snack if you hit me with some Shaggy

<TIM ROUND 2>
Like zoinks man! That would really hit the spot!
Like your home cooked meals that you make in a pot.
As for my knowledge of music, well, I guess that’s true,
But like that drug commercial “I LEARNED FROM WATCHING YOU”,
I know I could show off with my fancy degree
But I’m a few years off from being “smartest Leigh”
It’s one thing to stop a car dead in the road,
I could never create the things you make with code.
You're a wizard with games, video or board,
Forget dungeon master, you’re the Dungeon Lord,
You used to read me stories that had funny voices too,
So you can’t give all the credit to Scooby Dooby Doo.

[BoffoYux]

Menage a Tune -
You're Amazing!

Jo
You’re up at dawn, most days before the sun
Heading into a job before the day’s even begun
Y’put on a mask to wear the whole day!
Working for a doctor and earning all your pay
To cover all your debts, from your college and your ex
Stuck in traffic both ways
Is not the end of your days
No rest for the weary
Even though you’re feeling teary
Don’t know how you do it dearie
But I’m really amazed

Liz
12 years old and thought I was grown;
AOL messenger I was in the zone.
Mama was watching just to see
That nobody bad was messaging me
16 years old got a job got a car
Mama tried stop me
I was going too fast too far
18 years going to be a mom on my own
Mama said I'm here you won't do this alone.

You you you you you
Are so amazing
You you you you you
are so amazing

Jo
I tried to be a mama bear, defending you and Ed
I thought you’d be a bear I see you a tiger mom instead
Just like when you were younger defending kids when off at school
The bullies learned to fear you- and the football team did too!
You won’t be pushed around, though it’s meant we’ve butted heads
You’ve always fought for the underdog
Supported those in need
Given from your heart
Played it smart from the start
When I would have fall’n apart
You never stumbled in the fog
You were determined to succeed


Liz
Yelling and screaming it's me against the world
Mama stood behind me cause I'm her little girl
Through your own pain, trapped in your mind
You got us all through it even when you weren’t fine
You think that you’re unworthy
You think that you’re in the way
But mama I always needed you
I just didn't know what to say.

You you you you you
Are so amazing
You you you you you
are so amazing

[BoffoYux]

"BucketHat" Bobby -
Bob Matheson Vs BucketHatBobby

Robert C. Matheson:
Hello, It’s me
I used to be "BucketHat" Bobby
It’s high time that I confide
That I’ve been getting sloppy

Yeah,
The last ten years I’ve not been near
As productive as I should’ve been
Never dropped an album, never found fame
Tryin’ to find myself, dropped out of the game
A short-lived career behind the small-screen,
But I Haven’t made a video since 2013
So lately I’ve been thinkin’ that
I might officially hang up the BucketHat.


“BucketHat” Bobby"
Hold up! What’s this? You’re saying you wanna quit?
Not if I have something to say about it.
Man, you’ve still got what it takes
Don’t make a fateful mistake
You never quit, you just were taking a near-decade-long break

Remember “I hate the moon”?
That was a pretty good tune,
And you can do better
If you just don’t let your
Self-consciousness fetter
creative endeavours.

SO! Stop over-thinking and go.
Be true to yourself and ideas will flow.
Keep on reaping the seeds that you sow,
Stop with the sobbing - get on with the show!


Robert C. Matheson:
Yeah, okay.
That’s easy for you to say
You’re young and inspired,
But I became tired,
And that’s when you faded
And I became jaded,

No, it’s not as easy as it used to be
There’s so much out there it gets hard to see
can’t find the forest for all of the trees,
But you used to do it so naturally.

Now
We’re out of sync and I’m starting to think
that I had a good run and a whole lot of fun but maybe I’m done.

Maybe I’m done


“BucketHat” Bobby:

Stop acting like we’re not the same
You were never in it for fame
Stop the self-hate
You’re still pretty great

You’ve got a good job and a house and a wife
I didn’t expect you’d get this far in life.
You're just an older and wiser version of me
You never lost your creativity

I've been in your head the entire time
Tryin' to break out from the jail in your mind
Just have some fun,
Make something dumb
I ain’t going anywhere- we are still one!

[BoffoYux]

Joe Covenant Lamb -
JoeCovenantRap: A Jock's Rap

(A'right then.)
(Gie's the beat!)

Sittin' doon tae the mic isnae what gies me The Fear.
If Ah didnae want tae dae this guess what - I widnae be here!
The sang is aw' that matters - an' nothin's aff the table.
So when it comes tae rappin', hey, Ah'll dae it if ah'm able.

Ah've sung - collaborated - wi' the best the net can offer,
an' rattled the patter and battered doon a Song Fu Master.
So if yer sayin' Scotsmen cannae rap - then Ah'll be brief -
Keep throwin' oot that garbage, ye'll be playin' wi' yer teeth!

Ah dinnae mean tae diss ye, cos that's really no' mah style.
Ah'd rather jist sit doon an' hae a blether fur a while.
But if yer view o' Scotland's Shortie Tins an' Heelan' Coos,
then mibbe ye should haud yer wheest an' listen tae the news.

(If ye kent aboot this country then yer heid wid start tae birl,
cos Scotland is responsible for whit you creh The Wurld -
Logarithms, Hypnotism, Television, Penicillin
An' disposable contact lenses tae help ye wi' yer vision...

... an' that's only fur starters.)

(Chorus x2)
The World can be so dark when old pretenders try to blow out the flame.
We need our independence, that's when we'll see Scotland's light shine again.

We gave ye colour photographs, kaleidoscopes and fridges
The braw MRI scanner an' a trio o' Forth bridges.
We first tae clone a bonnie sheep and mak' pneumatic wheels
an' Mike Oldfield couldnae hae his bells wi'oot Tubular Steel.

But as fur me, Ah'll no' pretend tae be somethin' ah'm, no'.
Ah'm a fair tae middlin' sangwriter - mah pals a' ca' me Joe.
Ah'm merried tae a fancy lass, ah've got a bonnie daughter,
an' ah'm lucky insofar as I'm a wee bit children's author.

Ah've climbed aboard for Alba and tae better shores we're steerin'.
The years o' tears an' hellish fears are a' but disappearin'.
It's awfy hard tae fathom that some fowk jist wullnae thole it
There's no' much Ah kin say tae that -except- they must be glaikit.

We're liftin' up oor voices an' we're hopin' that ye hear them,
an' tell iz - What's the bather wi' us lookin' fur oor freedom?
Understand, the land we stand on should be free like ony ither.
So gies yer hand, a man's a man, and each man is yer brither.

(Chorus x4 to fade)
The World can be so dark when old pretenders try to blow out the flame.
We need our independence, that's when we'll see Scotland's light shine again.

[BoffoYux]

Boffo Yux Dudes -
You're So Much Better Than Me

You're so much better than me

Tom, Tom, you are the bomb
Slide me some of that shit you’re on
You bring the noise, but not the dram
A Keep it cool, just like your mama

The dopest rhymes, the ill-est boasts
It’s why we all love you the most
You spread your flow from coast to coast
From post to post like colin Jost

You warm me up like a slice of toast
You’re wholesome like a bowl of oast
We’re family, like cosa nost
Ra Sicily IT’s plain to see

Nothing comes between you and me
Evidently what sets you free
And he and she and l’il ol’ me
You will agree is how you be

Dropping your rhymes incredibly
Making the world heed your decree
Like a maxi pad, you must stay free
To be the G you need to be

Hey man - you're one of the best.
Everyone else needs a bulletproof vest
for the rhyming couplets you always display
With a positive message you make someone's day

You're mind is like a viper - your brain doesn't rest
You're always picked first - don't need a screen test

You're Always Crazy - just like a fox.
people got you pegged then you think outta the box
just keep 'em guessing - you're a paradox
Everytin you do is unorthodox.

So now let me do you a favor
Tell you that you must never waver
Keep on bringing us the flava
You’re a savior never braver

You’re dope and phat and that is that
Your head shines so you wear a hat
Throw down the rhymes in nothing flat
And lean right back cool as a cat

You got the jokes and pokes and strokes
Bringing joy to us humble folks
Wrap us in laughs just like a cloak
Punch lines solid as an oak

Sucker MCs compared are really wack
You cut, they look hemophiliac
Bleeding like they had a heart attack
You eat ‘em up just like a snack

Al - I say you're much too kind
and now you've put me in a bind
For all the tunes you're the mastermind
with a few of my lyrics intertwined

We’re uncouth - unwise – unrefined
lets drop a beat and just unwind.

You're not a true rapper but it doesn't matter
One word from your mouth - other dudes are shattered
from your style and your grace and syncopated patter
they hear your dulcet tones, then they all scatter

Those suckers don’t know they’ve been played
They’re splayed and flayed by the beats you made
You blow up like a hand grenade
Your rhymes cut like a hunter’s blade

You played them like an old arcade
Cause you throw shade like a sylvan glade
And though they prayed send you away
You live to toast another day

That’s when you will come to collect
Cause you connect and are direct
Before you I will genuflect
And send you all my true respect

You're so much better than me.
Look inside you will see
You're Tonic for Middle C
You're so much better than me.

You're so much better than me.
So cool like a manatee
A warm breeze next to the sea
You're so much better than me.

[BoffoYux]

All The Robots -
Complementary Compliments

MICAH: Hey Ryan, wanna do a complementary compliment song?
RYAN: A what?
M: Complementary compliments - it's a homonym!
R: Yo Micah, when I asked you earlier, you said you don't do that!
M: No, homo-nym: words that sound the same but mean different things. Compliment with an 'I', complement with an 'E'.
R: I don't get it.
M: We just say nice things about each other, okay?
R: Yeah, man, let's do it!

CHORUS:
Complementary compliments, it's a homonym, yeah, a homonym
Complementary compliments, complementary compliments

RYAN:
Word
though I should say ‘Words’, yo
your lyrics got some spirit
and they almost good as Lichen Throat
Lichen Throat’s so literate so charming so considerate
I dig each word that either of you wrote

Ya got a soulful side
Like Ominous Ride
Add a Bucket Hat to that
I’ve gone to heaven and died
You’re like Governing Dynamics
charismatic, enigmatic,
I’m a symptomatic Sommersmith fanatic

And lemme re-assert
like Rob from Amersfoort
You got those melodies so sweet
I wanna eat ‘em for dessert
You’re like Boffo Yux Dudes
you’re so deluxe dude
you funny and you money and you cute

Micah, your music, it hits me right here
From ear to rear like Temnere
Ya got wisdom and zen
Like Glenny and Glen
I’m a church of Micah clergyman, amen

CHORUS

MICAH:
My friend you’re too kind
They way that you rhyme
It’s plain to see that your genius is the through line
I mean Ryan, hey
Here’s what I’m tryn to say:
You’ve got such clever lyrics, I thought you were Brian Gray

I know you know it’s true
Depth like Zoe too
And I’m just glad I’m here for you to get to show it to
Your humility belies your nobility
You’re standing royally tall, just like Boy on the Wall

I know you do this for a hobby, but you’re hot like wasabi
And you’re pretty and you’re gritty like Good Guy Sojabe
Classy, like Edric Haleen in a monocle
With vocal harmony so clean, it’s Cybronical

The judges can’t agree on the diff’rence tween you and me
The parity in quality is right there in the score schism
A math’metician with some excellent vision could tabulate a race this close -
Where’s Jocko Homomorphism?

CHORUS

M: Aww, you really mean all that?
R: Every word.
M: Me too. Thanks buddy.
R: Thank you, Micah.