I Only Go Once A Week

[j$]

By Johnny Cashpoint
(Thanks to Ken for the lyrical impetus)

I only go out once a week
To the pub at end of my street
I stay there six nights in a row
Evening off and then back I go

No time to go to church so I'm going down to Hell
Haven't got the time for the gym or Taco Bell
I don't See my family, or have a poo, worst luck
No time for anything, I'm always in the pub

I only stay in once a drink
Go to the pub beneath my sink
One night a week, to pass away the hours
Bleach is the drink to get well scoured

No time to go to church so I'm going down to Hell
All i'll leave behind is a lingering smell
I've always been stuck in a pisspot of poor luck
Mum, you'll find my body pickled in the pub

[Duncan]

By Duncan Martin

I had a job that kept me running around
had a house upon a patch of ground
Had a sweetheart and a Previa
Every Monday we’d do trivia

When I had work in Sacramento
bought a dollar store memento
Took it home inside my suitcase
You shoulda seen my baby’s face

She told me darling
I been out workin in the garden
I wont do it on my own, no no
Why cant you stay close to home

So now I only go down once a week
I can phone it in i hardly speak
I sit outside just sippin lemonade
Among the hostas in the morning shade

Now down the street we got a legion hall
Bingo trivia and red meat draws
There aint a night that isn’t outta sight
Sailors dancing it their starchy whites

We started going and it got too much
Walkin home at one or two or such
I told her darling i got boundaries
She said that's fine I’m glad you told me

So we only go once a week
We always dance cheek to cheek
I try to keep it to a single drink
She always tells me that my armpits stink

We limit everything to once a week
Keeps it fresh we’re on a winning streak
If your life has turned to beige malaise
Keep things capped at once in seven days

[Future Boy]

By Future Boy

I wanted to get help with a problem in my mind
So I called up a friend who is patient and kind
They told me that my problem was I didn't know how to think
So I ought to go see a shrink

I got a recommendation for a therapist to call
I wrote some affirmations and hung them on my wall
It's nice to have somebody who will listen to me speak
But I only go once a week

Every other day is such a struggle
Every hour more disappointing than the last
When all I want is someone who will snuggle
But I can't seem to find the courage to ask

I wondered if my problem was mainly spiritual
If empirical solutions won't put sugar in my bowl
If the nourishment I need is food for my soul
Then therapy won't make me whole

I got a recommendation for a guru on Zoom
I bought a stick of sage so I could purify my room
The guided meditations help me feel less bleak
But I only go once a week

Every other day is such a challenge
Every minute an eternity of pain
When all I want is peace of mind and balance
But I can't seem to find the will to change

I noticed that my body is almost always sore
And when I try a pushup I can't get off the floor
Maybe I'm depressed because my muscles aren't strong
And a gym is where I belong

I got a recommendation for a trainer from a date
I bought a set of barbells so I can lift some weights
It's nice to take direction from someone with good physique
But I only go once a week

Yes I only go once a week
And I never find the solace that I seek
I'm not sure if I can have it
Without building daily habits
If I only go once a week

[FatBoyJamz]

By Fat Boy Jamz

I didn’t know what
Had just hit me
A new religion
When I woke up

It was something
That made me think
That I had died
But, I guess not

So, I chose the path
That goes somewhere
Straight ahead
I’ll save me

You might know that
It was love then
That made me
Feel this way

So many good things
Happening to me
I don’t know how
Or where to begin

I’ll try something
There is nothing
There is no plan
For me to escape

So, I chose the path
That goes somewhere
Straight ahead
I’ll save me

You might know that
It was love then
That made me
Feel this way

Solo

So, I chose the path
That goes somewhere
Straight ahead
I’ll save me

You might know that
It was love then
That made me
Feel this way

[mo]

ellipsis featuring casiowl
(miscellaneous owl on casio keys for all synth sounds)

Scabs won’t heal
If you don’t stop picking
Open wound reminds me
That I’m still here
Sow
Now Reap
Repeat

I only go once a week

Now I’m alone in this place
I’ve given up giving up
Even though I don’t wanna chase
I can’t seem to stop

Scars
Run Deep
Defeat

I only go once a week


nb. I'm fine. As I said to owl when she saw the lyrics, if I'm talking about it, I'm not gonna do it.