Trailer trash trash trailer (Mobile Home House Party)

Albatross · Post by **Albatross** » Wed Jan 16, 2008 3:17 pm

EDIT: lame joke modified for clarity

JonPorobil · Post by **JonPorobil** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:35 am

Alienboy – Cute little indie song. I'd like to hear a little more oomph behind the vocals, maybe sing from your diaphragm, and triple-check your vocal performance for off-key notes, especially at the start and end of each verse; I hear a sour note in particular at the end of verse 2. Same with the first note of the guitar solo (around 2:30). You hit the wrong note, and then you hit it again and again. I like the sort of haphazard claps in the last chorus, as well as the sudden ending.

THE BEST SONG – No, it's not. Skipped at :45.

Flvxxvm Florvm – I saw these lyrics in the lyrics thread, and I thought this song was going to be stupid. Well, it kind of is, but not in the way I thought it would be. The vocal delivery and kind of staggering meter compliment the subject matter and the kind of funky groove you've got going on. Still, the whole thing sounds a little too... I dunno, rough around the edges, I guess. Obviously, that's the point, but I don't know, something just feels off about it... is your mix clipping or over-saturated?

G4meboy – Hey, aren't you in the other fight?Oh, I see, you actually entered this under a different name. Oh well, can't say I've never done that. Anyhoo. It takes a lot of repetition of that one synth line before the actual song starts. If you can call this a song. You need to actually sing your entry, because this sort-of-spoken-word thing just sucks. Plus, the words you're choosing to speak... they're just a string of white trash cliches and racist remarks. Jeez. I hit “next” at 1:30.

Jon Eric – We can live in perfect harmony... Or at least sing in perfect harmony. Or at least try.

King Arthur – YAY! Funky guitar, weird-but-fun synth line... check. Your lyrics and vocal delivery are spot-on, technically accurate without losing any of your individuality. Points for referencing the WGA strike in your chorus. My only complaint so far is that your voice gets a little lost in the mix during the chorus. I think it's interesting that your lyrics are, at points, similar in theme to G4meboy's, but yours don't feel as clichéd... I get a sense of scene and not caricature from your lyrics. They're extremely effective. Probably going to vote for you.

Precarious Loaf – Your vocals are too low, which is a bit strange considering how little they have to hide under. Simple and sad. It's got a very Cat Stevens feel to it. The shortness both contributes to that and makes me view the whole song more favorably; any more and I would have been getting bored.

Surf Surf Surf Surf Surf – Maybe I should just never listen to your songs...? This just has way too much in common with your “Credible Threat,” including, oddly enough, the use of “I see a wave / I want to get on it.” And it's just abrasive to listen to. At 1:45, I knew I only had half a minute left.

Thornberry – Pleasant guitar playing at first, but the vocals are way too loud when they come in. I don't mind the effects on them, or at least I wouldn't if they were at a reasonable level. I do like the call-and-response in the chorus, though the “Live in the house all day” (is that the right lyric?) mini-round at the end of the chorus makes the whole mix a bit too busy. The second verse introduces a high-frequency droning that just hurts my ears, really. Ah, it's an organ! When the organ actually starts playing stuff, it's totally funky and awesome and cool. But there's not enough of that. I dunno, it doesn't suck, but it's just too rough for me to recommend it to anyone I know.

WreckdoM – Eeew. The lyrics are evocative, definitely. My roommate and I are gagging at some of the food imagery here, which I'm sure was your intention. Around 1:40, when you start layering two different vocals at the same time, it gets to be too much to follow. I could do with a little less of the “Get it on, motherfucker” chorus, and a little more of the actually creative imagery of things jiggling and food being smeared, &c. It feels like you wrote a really great first verse, and then just phoned the rest in. And then there's the music. I don't know, guys, maybe you're just not for me. But then again, they said that about Octothorpe, too. This is just too dirty, too buzzy, too busy, and the vocals seem like they were just pasted on top of it all, like they don't belong in the song. Oh well.

So, I guess I'm voting for King Arthur this week. He deserves a win one of these days, and this may just be it.

drë · Post by **drë** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:08 am

My vote is between King Arthur and Wreckdom.
King for having a solid song, and pushing his sound with added sound fx.
Wreckdom for being some funky motherfuckers.

Honorable mentions STSI, and thornberry.

Hoblit · Post by **Hoblit** » Thu Jan 17, 2008 10:39 am

should have read "Trailer trash trashed trailer"

jeffhenderson · Post by **jeffhenderson** » Sat Jan 19, 2008 11:35 pm

I really like Thornberry's song. I feel like it could fit pretty well on McCartney's first post-Beatles album.

jeff robertson · Post by **jeff robertson** » Sun Jan 20, 2008 9:01 pm

Alienboy - can't figure out if the lead guitar is slightly out of tune, or if you're using some kind of plugin that makes it sound like it is. nice vocals.

Doozer Dreams - although technically I'm not sure you can call this a "song", it does accurately portray the sound of a bunch of people in a trailer stoned and playing with a $50 keyboard.

John Eric - okay, but not spectacular. vocal harmony is good.

King Arthur -brutal guitar sound that would belong better in a more aggressive genre of music. Synth is really, really, too 80's. All that said, however, I do like the way it grooves.

gameboy - more music that appears to have been "written" and recorded during a mobile home house party.

Precarious Loaf - hey, how'd a Cat Stevens mp3 get in here? well done but kinda too distant sounding or something.

Surf Rock Surf Industry - yes. not sure why, but yes.

Thornberry - very good 60s thing going on here. organ == good.

Wreckdom - if this was lyrics fight, you'd win hands down.

i.p. · Post by **i.p.** » Sun Jan 20, 2008 9:34 pm

jeff robertson wrote: Doozer Dreams - although technically I'm not sure you can call this a "song", it does accurately portray the sound of a bunch of people in a trailer stoned and playing with a $50 keyboard.

Substitute "trailer" with "apartment," "stoned" with "tired," and add in "... and a $400 dollar Softsynth" and you've got it right.

Oh, wait...
Now everybody knows my true identity!
Actually... not true. DD isn't i.p. I was just involved in the making of this song... so...

The point of our song was to record something WITHOUT UNDOS OR RETAKES.
We were feeling silly.

JonPorobil · Post by **JonPorobil** » Sun Jan 20, 2008 10:32 pm

jeff robertson wrote: John Eric - okay, but not spectacular. vocal harmony is good.

Well, that was pretty much the best I was hoping to hear.

Real shame about this song. I was given a nylon-stringed classical-style guitar while I was visiting home, and I wrote my song on it, fully utilizing the spaced strings and fingerpicking the whole thing. Then I realized that I had too much luggage, and couldn't take the new guitar with me, so when I got back home to my... er... "studio," I had to record the whole thing on my steel-string acoustic/electric. I do believe the song suffered for it.

I also probably could have done a few more vocal takes, but when is that not true of me (aside from the obvious exception)?

And to everyone who isn't Jeff... Come on, review!

Paco Del Stinko · Post by **Paco Del Stinko** » Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:22 am

Alienboy - This is fun and doesn't take itself too seriously. I like the chorus but especially the little chromatic runs right before them. Sounds like this wanted to be in some indy-type film or tv show, but didn't quite make the cut. Simple and effective.

Doozer Dreemz! - This sounds like new to multi-track recording screwing off. There're some skills evident, but not utilized very well. Me and my friends used to do one-take wonders and they rarely paid off, but were fun to do. This may have been fun to do, but didn't pay at all out here.

Flvxxvm Florvm - Still loose, but not all falling apart. The riff is somewhat typical, but keeps you guessing as to where it's going to change, so that's fun. I like the lead trade-off with yourself and the new bass sounds pretty good, especially when it kinda lazily returns near the end of the song. There's a flavor of 80's porn soundtrack here, which is points in my book. Ahem.

Jon Eric - Loose but enjoyable, this sounds like a campfire song, but maybe one under a palm tree or cactus somewhere, until the lawn bridge. Some distant and reverbed pedal steel slides might be nice and heady in the background. The song may not be a classic but it's good enough to take to the car wash for some spiffin'.

King Arthur - This would work well over some visuals although it provides plenty of its own. I like what the keys do, but not the sound. The rhythm, almost bubbling and/or lurching under the guitars works very well. I was expecting a sharpish turn with a bridge around 2:40 or so, but there are some good vocal lines there. Nice guitar work, of course, it makes me itch for a little break-out lead, but maybe that's good to leave me in need of a scratchin'.

Neogeo - Interesting intro but the way on top vocals might've been better used back in the mix, as they are silly. Lame chorus and too half-assed sounding vocals. Some of the wah overdubs are exciting, but homeless here. Focus man, focus.

Precarious Loaf - I like the nice, logical progressions which are also well played. Mix aside, the voice sounds almost too happy here to me for some reason. Good ideas, but incomplete feeling even considering time restraints.

Surf Train Surf Industry - I don't know that I'm sick of the joke yet with that line that shows up in all of your entries, but probably pretty soon. I like the synth solo best, the rest feels like a toss-off.

Thornberry - I like the main melodies here, the little shuffle in the verse makes it smell like 1971 in here, in a good way. Good song with a nice approach, both performance and recording-wise. The voices overlapping thing is cool and the keys sound like tubes glowing near-sizzle there. There are probably some simple, one or two line vocal accents that might fit in there w/o crowding. Good stuff.

WreckdoM - I'd be both fascinated and a little scared of the trailer with this party going on inside, but I'd be unable to deny the power of it's hypno-sleaze-funk. Great groove and heady keys make this food n' skin fest really addictive and fun to get sick with. Good, good stuff.

Thornberry · Post by **Thornberry** » Wed Jan 23, 2008 8:57 pm

Alienboy As forementioned, this fun for sure. Could use a little work on the vocals, especially the verse. The chorus is nicely done. A little doubling and a little extra reverb. So my verdict is the chorus is worth listening, I just wish you did a little more with the verses, and did it a little more effectively. Nice over all work. B-

Surf Train Surf Industry I think the drums annoy me most in this song. I like the synth solo quite a bit. Its getting a little repetitive. The vocals(or ya know, whatever- the words) are a matter of taste, and it doesnt satisfy mine. Overall, for what you were trying to do, I think it paid off in the end. B

Precarious Loaf I like the guitar progression, but the vocal need some work. The kicker here will be where this song goes. It doesnt really go anywhere. Well I dont think the melody or the words are strong enough to carry this as a folk tune, so Im a little disappointed you didnt go anywhere with this. C

Doozer Dreemz! Its a mobile house party. Well I better hope it is, based on the title we were given. I gave my 5 year old nephew a chance to record on my 4 track a few years ago, it sounded something like this. I guess the only thing I can take away from this is the beat aint bad. Otherwise I am embarrassed to have this coming out of my speakers, and noone is even home!!! D-

Flvxxvm Florvm- Groovin thus far! Ten the vocals sounded like you smoked a few too many cigarettes. Kinda like the bob dylan sounds nowadays. But not that good even. I actually like the music. The vocals are just too much. This sounds like a little synth aerosmith. I wish you would have actually sang over this, even though I think you were going for sounding like a hick based on the title, which I can appreciate, but even a few hicks sound like hicks but sing ok. I like what you did for the end to. I thought this was pretty good, minus the vocals. B

WreckdoM- You sound like Tracy Morgan. He makes me laugh sometimes. But ya know, this isnt too funny so far, and its very...i dunno..not terrible. But nothing I ever want to listen to again, so I dont think that is good. C-

King Arthur- More groovin. Like the synth line, although that choice of patch isnt my favorite. Alright, someone who can sing a little bit! I like it. Very 70's prog rock. I think the chorus needed to be a little 'bigger' and catchier to really take this song to the next level. The best so far. B+

Jon Eric- Im sorry, that off of singing is just not fun to listen to. It sounds like you aren't terrible either. I think you needed to do a few more takes. You might only had one chance or something, but thats a shame.If that is you harmonizing with yourself, you can sing on pitch, so do it next time! So if I try to ignore that part, I actually like the song. Its a good start, it could use a little more instrumentation. Sounds like a demo, which is kinda cool, but you should have done a little more with it. B-

Neogeo- Ya I like the intro. Why must it be ruined with another subpar vocal performance. Usually if there is not much melody, I have nothing to take away from it. But you went outside the box a little bit which is nice, so you get points for that. C+

Thanks to everyone who commented on mine. Where are all the reviews? I think mine is only the 4th, there used to be like 10 on here per song.Oh well, thanks for those who did.

i.p. · Post by **i.p.** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 4:58 am

Thornberry wrote:Otherwise I am embarrassed to have this coming out of my speakers, and noone is even home!!! D-

oh... more people are "home" than you think...

Thornberry · Post by **Thornberry** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 8:42 am

i.p. wrote:
Thornberry wrote:Otherwise I am embarrassed to have this coming out of my speakers, and noone is even home!!! D-
oh... more people are "home" than you think...

hahaha.....awwwww snap!

Saucalito · Post by **Saucalito** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 11:23 am

Alienboy Yeah, I think the chorus is obviously the strength in this one. The verses have a few vocal dips here and there, but I think we come into this expecting a few imperfections, so all in all, I think this was a very solid song. Kind of Beach Boys meets…..

Surf Train Surf Industry Yeah, the drums are annoying, but that’s just my taste. I don’t care much for the robot vocals either. Lack of personality.

Precarious Loaf Vocals ,whispy and timid, maybe not in performance, but at least in the mix. Reminds me of a song from the movie Rushmore. I think a song by Cat Stevens. Could grow on me. Yeah, I’m at the end and I like this one.

Doozer Dreemz! A non effort maybe. Just a laugh. Maybe there is brilliance there, but it sounds like garbage to me.

Flvxxvm Florvm- Sounds like a muppet singing it. Is that you animal? End

WreckdoM- Kind of raunchy funk. Really messy though. Wouldn’t listen again. Someone could like this though.

King Arthur- Sounds tight in the first 6 secs, wait ugh, that keyboard is a piercingly bad sound. Singing is good, Keys not so bad mixed in the chorus. Yeah, other than the choice in Key sound, this song is solid. Man, that keyboard sound hits bad spots in my ear, a real piano sound would make huge improvements on this song, or maybe a rhodesy thing.

Jon Eric- I think the singing is not too bad. I like this. Nice, simple, Simon and Garfunkle. Could hear this in a movie as is. Wait,------- the bridge singing is not so hot. Not listening to the lyrics at all.oops –Good song overall

Neogeo- Metal guitar---cool electro change----waiting-------vocals--- horrible. Singing sounds like the music is on a boom box and the singer is just in the room making up silly words. Wait ---did he just say you might be a redneck if? Really awful. This song ranks up there with that awful 3 little pigs song done by Green Jello. So it’ll be a huge hit. Congrats—don’t spend it all in one place. Wow that was rude, sorry----good intro.

g4meboy · Post by **g4meboy** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 1:20 pm

Thanks for the reviews guys. Yeah, after sending in the song I *cough* I mean Neogeo realized that the vocals were horrid. First listen I was like "haha, cool" but that was probably because I *cough* Neogeo was still in the "proud of making a song" phase.

But thanks for liking the music. Both of these entries were the first time I actually made my own music rather than borrowing / getting help from others. So at least that makes me feel better.

For my own *cough* Neogeo's own benefit, the song'll be recorded with better vocals. As for lyrics, I guess that's what happens at 2am, hah.

Thornberry · Post by **Thornberry** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 3:09 pm

Saucalito wrote:Alienboy Yeah, I think the chorus is obviously the strength in this one. The verses have a few vocal dips here and there, but I think we come into this expecting a few imperfections, so all in all, I think this was a very solid song. Kind of Beach Boys meets…..

Surf Train Surf Industry Yeah, the drums are annoying, but that’s just my taste. I don’t care much for the robot vocals either. Lack of personality.

Precarious Loaf Vocals ,whispy and timid, maybe not in performance, but at least in the mix. Reminds me of a song from the movie Rushmore. I think a song by Cat Stevens. Could grow on me. Yeah, I’m at the end and I like this one.

Doozer Dreemz! A non effort maybe. Just a laugh. Maybe there is brilliance there, but it sounds like garbage to me.

Flvxxvm Florvm- Sounds like a muppet singing it. Is that you animal? End

WreckdoM- Kind of raunchy funk. Really messy though. Wouldn’t listen again. Someone could like this though.

King Arthur- Sounds tight in the first 6 secs, wait ugh, that keyboard is a piercingly bad sound. Singing is good, Keys not so bad mixed in the chorus. Yeah, other than the choice in Key sound, this song is solid. Man, that keyboard sound hits bad spots in my ear, a real piano sound would make huge improvements on this song, or maybe a rhodesy thing.

Jon Eric- I think the singing is not too bad. I like this. Nice, simple, Simon and Garfunkle. Could hear this in a movie as is. Wait,------- the bridge singing is not so hot. Not listening to the lyrics at all.oops –Good song overall

Neogeo- Metal guitar---cool electro change----waiting-------vocals--- horrible. Singing sounds like the music is on a boom box and the singer is just in the room making up silly words. Wait ---did he just say you might be a redneck if? Really awful. This song ranks up there with that awful 3 little pigs song done by Green Jello. So it’ll be a huge hit. Congrats—don’t spend it all in one place. Wow that was rude, sorry----good intro.

Was my entry so bad you just had to spare me by not reviewing it??? If so, thanks!

Saucalito · Post by **Saucalito** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:44 pm

Thornberry-Crap.

Saucalito · Post by **Saucalito** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 5:45 pm

Thornberry---Really nice bluesy sound. Good melody, good backround vocals. Solid tune.

sorry----nice job

Thornberry · Post by **Thornberry** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 6:33 pm

Saucalito wrote:Thornberry---Really nice bluesy sound. Good melody, good backround vocals. Solid tune.

sorry----nice job

Phew! Thanks!!!

melvin · Post by **melvin** » Thu Jan 24, 2008 9:36 pm

Thornberry wrote:Where are all the reviews?

Thornberry, you're awesome. I really mean it. You're my number one favourite SF vocalist, and a pretty great player of instruments as well.

I just had this thought: you singing over one of Paco's super-smart pop/rock instrumental tracks would be amazing. Now I wait...

Thornberry · Post by **Thornberry** » Fri Jan 25, 2008 12:15 pm

melvin wrote:
Thornberry, you're awesome. I really mean it. You're my number one favourite SF vocalist, and a pretty great player of instruments as well.

I just had this thought: you singing over one of Paco's super-smart pop/rock instrumental tracks would be amazing. Now I wait...

Holy Shnickies, thanks so much! Coming from such an esteemed songfighter yourself, that really means alot! Thanks again.

And I am always up to collaborate

AcidicJew · Post by **AcidicJew** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:32 am

joneric – Thought the tuning on this would wear me out, but it just became charming over time. The vocal harmonies just sweetened this up really nice, and then the gruff bridge(?) comes in as a nice change of pace. The song feels sincere, like one person in bad straights hopes for another.

wreckdom – Not for me. The music is decent. The vocals sound a little like this Canadian spoken word/rapper dude who sings about truckers and stuff... which I mean as a compliment.

king arthur – I'm enjoying the synths in this. Its a clever (and topical) take on the song, lyrically, although I'm not connecting with it.

surf train surf industry – I dismissed this first listen. More bass and it would be a fun club track. I'm listening on laptop speakers, so maybe there is more bass.

alienboy – Not for me. No thoughts on how to make it more so.

flvxxvm florvm – Enjoying the guitar lead. Not a Tom Waits fan, but that is not a deal breaker.

thornberry – This is sweet. I love that lyric “its nothing more than living legato...”. The “Mobile Home House Party” refrain is mixed/sung in such a way that it kind of takes me out of the song. Hard to explain, but I guess I can say its to pointed (lyrically) and to “clean” compared to the rest of the mix (this can be said about the “live on the hill some day” delay, a little, also). Great song!

neogeo – Not for me. I might have enjoyed hearing the vocals with the same distortion as the guitar. Not sure.

I apologize, cause I rushed ahead and voted for myself without due consideration for others. For future fights I won't do this. If I had another vote I would have voted for Thornberry or Jon Eric. It would have been a difficult decision. I don't have another vote, so I don't have to decide!

Lord of Oats · Post by **Lord of Oats** » Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:50 am

melvin wrote: Thornberry, you're awesome. I really mean it. You're my number one favourite SF vocalist, and a pretty great player of instruments as well.

I just had this thought: you singing over one of Paco's super-smart pop/rock instrumental tracks would be amazing. Now I wait...

Melvin, you're awesome. I really mean it. You're my number one favourite SF vocalist, and a really excellent player of instruments as well, also my favourite audio engineer, and your lyrics are pretty sweet, too. But you probably already knew that.

I have had this thought, at some point: I think we should have lunch some time.