A taste of honey (I'm Eating a Wasp (part 1) reviews)

[AJOwens]

Say something swell.

[reve]

My favorite was Mr. Cashpoint's entry. Followed by Mr. Owen's contribution. The HATE Noise's track was good, but long. The Noodle Minions were just long. Chekov's Raygun's line of "mandibles for biting" was pretty much the awesomest of the fight. I cut my finger and can't type anymore, sorry. I give you all hugs.

[AJOwens]

Ajl and Andrew -- The melody and lyrics have a medieval quality; the lyrics aim for a certain drama, and mostly pull it off, although a cup of tin is not quite the same as a tin cup. Something in there about wasp-eating, but I don't get it. The singing is very good. The capo guitar is a good match for the overall mood. There are some synchronization problems with the drums.

Bad Boys at Bat Mitzvahs -- Good funky rhythm, interesting sections and structure, persuasive vocals. Musically a solid song, but it really needs a band to bring it out. The lyrics don't quite bridge the gap; if we didn't know the context, the line "I'm Eating a Wasp" would seem out of the blue.

Big Jim Slade -- Ignoring the rules for breaking words into syllables, I would call this "del-icious." (If you don't get that, don't worry about it.) Great playing and production, interesting composition, strong musical vision, spirited singing. impressively manic drumming -- is that a real kit? But maybe I asked that already. The ending is a bit abrupt, but this a very accomplished entry.

Chekov's Raygun -- When I read the lyrics, I figured this would be rap. Very good lyrics. The delivery is comically flat (in the sense of spark, not pitch), but maybe a little too flat. The chorus does the job, but it's just OK. The whole thing has potential, but it's very laid back; I think it could use more excitement.

chthXchthXchthX -- Powerful, tight, high-energy. Too short! I can't make out the words, but that might be just me. "Flotus was a yacht"? Anyway they are delivered with appropriate urgency. I like the interplay of voices at the beginning. The second voice needs to be higher in the mix.

The HATE Noise -- A heavy Robin Trower vibe. I find some of the automated snare rolls distractingly frantic and unnatural, but that's a matter of taste; thay add an interesting noise to a dramatic landscape. A song like this has to be long, like a passage through Hell, but around the 3:30 mark I begin to notice how long it is. The vocal delivery suits the song. What lyrics I can hear seem intriguing.

heine -- No points lost for misconstruing the fight instructions -- I don't know what our esteemed Fightmasters are on about either. A good straight-ahead pop/rock tune. The hey-hey-hey needs to be kicked up with big harmony. "Don't work ahead" feels a little stilted; a slight alteration to the rhythm of the vocal delivery and some strategic cymbals might liven it up.

Hostess Mostess -- The panning is a bit annoying at first, but once the other layers are in it's fine. For the first three minutes, this is a great song; the melody, lyrics, and arrangement work together to develop a clear mood, and the harmonic angst that goes on around 1:20 through 1:50 is sensual and beautiful. Very effective echo. You should just crop this at three minutes, because the rest of the music, though cool in its own right, has nothing to add to the first part.

James Owens -- In the spirit of not working ahead, I laid down some spontaneous tracks. The media interview is uninterrupted audio, defining the length of the piece. The newspaper reading is also uninterrupted; it happened to work out at the same length. I tuned all the strings on an electric guitar roughly to a B flat (heh), wove a slip of paper between them, and laid three tracks: one where I played drum rolls on the strings, one where I bowed the strings with a drumstick, and one where I gently banged a mic against the strings at regular intervals. Then I picked three sampled sounds from a Yamaha keyboard and performed the machine-noise track. All the work was in the production and mixing. OK, I did go back and re-record some sections of the reading to try to fix the accent, but I needn't have bothered.

Johnny Cashpoint -- Brilliant lyrics, charming delivery; it irresistibly makes me smile, and that's always good for a vote. The understated, playful accompaniment is perfect for this cheeky song.

Monotone Max and His Long Band Name -- A bit long in the development. . . oh, it's an instrumental! There are some harmonic conflicts which, given the simplicity of the parts, seem unintended. I'm guessing you met the challenge of not working ahead. If this has anything to do with wasp-eating, I can't tell. The mood seems wrong for that.

noah mclaughlin -- Kind of a gritty folk personal revelation thing; as such, the overall sound comes off well. Good arrangement for this genre. The chorus could be more compact. The vocals have the right bitter and subdued quality, with occasional lapses in pitch. The ambiguous lyrical juxtapositions offer something to think about.

The Noodle Minions -- The performance feels a bit tentative. I can hear a sweet voice in there, but it isn't getting a chance to flourish. I'm not a big fan of the parallel intervals -- they're good for certain hypnotic effects, but they don't provide enough richness to carry the whole song. Certainly not a seven-minute song! -- what were you thinking? This feels like the plan for something much bigger. As such, it seems to have some interest and promise, with lots of changes and melodic variation. But from the G&G sketch, it's hard to get a sense of what it might be. The lyrics need tightening up -- if it doesn't matter what time you wander into the woods, don't say it's "at six" just to get a rhyme. The irrelevance weakens the message.

The Real Sign -- A comfortable, warm, friendly mix. The melody is kind of pegged to the chords in places, if you know what I mean -- as if dragged there by the laws of musical necessity. What happens at 1:46 is more interesting. Nice pop lead work. The nom-noms are great, as natural as you could want for this song. The closing attempt at throat singing is weird, but what the hell.

[Heine]

A very merry Christmas to everyone!

Ajl and Andrew - I like that "feel it just the same" - haunting! Is it the drummer or maybe latency problems with the DAW?

Bad Boys at Bat Mitzvahs - Acoustic funk. Never heard anything like that before. Gets better with every time listening to.

Big Jim Slade - Drums sounding a bit too much like a drum machine. But good production. The excellent guitar and bass playing makes me vote!

Chekov's Raygun - Nice idea. But what really got me was the chorus. Strong melody. I somehow have to think of Neil Young's Sample and Hold. Vote!

chthXchthXchthX - I don't mind the shortness. Nice dirty sound.

heine - Still I'm not too sure about if I misunderstood the 'optional challenge' or not. But anyway! I also wrote a wasp track but couldn't manage to submit both songs in time. This one came very quickly. It took one evening to record the basic track and an afternoon for voices, MiniMoog and percussion. There are some noises in the background before the solo - that's my 20 month old son Noah starting to play his kids drum kit while I was recording the vocals. I really like the Moog sounds - a great VST freeware I recently discovered!

Hostess Mostess - Mellow. I like the backing vocals very much. I don't know why but the closing section gives me "White Album" feelings. Nice. Vote!

James Owens - A collage. Thanks for telling us how you did it. That makes it even more interesting. As a fan of the early Kraftwerk sounds I dig this.

Johnny Cashpoint - Yeah, funny lyrics. (While listening to the story I had to think about when I was in China and they served me tea with somewhat snake secretion - it was a bit bitter. Maybe it's not really worth to try every animal. But you gotta find out yourself.. )

Monotone Max and His Long Band Name - Piano driven. Clear production. Lyrics would enhance it.

noah mclaughlin - I like the simplicity of chords and song structure. Vote!

The HATE Noise - Nice gloomy melody loop. It fits.

The Noodle Minions - The opening caught my interest but then it didn't develop. Don't get me wrong - the song itself is good. But it needs more arrangement and maybe shortening. Played live without overdubs?!? That's brave! I wonder how your songs would be if you improved your recording equipment.

The Real Sign - My favourite one. Funny story. Very melodic. The backing vocals are very good (but in one or two places the lead vocal could be a bit more in tune.) Where is the bass? I'm sure Axl Rose has been the blueprint for the ending. Clear vote!

[BBABM]

hey... here are some more reviews that you can read

Big Jim Slade: cool intro, and i like the music, but the voice is a little weird and nasely for my tastes. but the song is well arranged, and performed. the guitar sounds a little too fuzzy, and maybe not edgy enough, and the repetitive bass lines become the what drive it rather than rocking guitar. i dunno, im not the greatest critic.

Chekhov's Raygun: personally, i could have done without the conversation at the start and end, but it was funny, and helped lead into the basis of the lyrics. the vocals could be brought up a little, because they get hidden behind the cymbal smashes (which got kind of annoying cause they were all the same sample.) i love the rap lyrics though, and wish i could have heard them better. the autotune "harmony" thing you have going in the chorus is cool, but some times the harmonies sound off to me. loved the lyrics though.

noah mclaughlin: pretty good tune you have working there, but there a few things i feel could be worked on. first off, i think the singer is trying a little too hard. it sounds like he is forcing note changes in where they arent needed, and they arent always on key. the drummer needs to be sure to stay on beat. the back up vox, while good at parts, was either not needed, or off key for the rest. i really like the song, but the "creed" voice needs to go, and the band needs to play as one.

hostess mostess: the panning is a little extreme, and making me a little dizzy... though that goes with the mood of your song. when it finally finds a happy mix, it is REALLY good, and i can finally appreciate how good your singing is. cool rhythm groove going. the jam could have been a little shorter, or maybe back into some more words for the ending. i dunno, cut the panning earlier, and you got a winner.

johnny cashpoint: you have a great accent, and this song is random as hell. not my cup of tea, personally, but itll prob win songfight.

monotone max and his long band name: this is the intro to something... i think you're working ahead! haha fun and pop-y but lacking something that defines it.

chthXetc: this song rules. it is the perfect length, the music is on point, and i dont mind the nasal voice (though i think screaming in true hardcore fashion would be better). have you ever heard of the band "avail" or "action patrol" ? two older richmond va bands that this reminds me of. downloaded.

the hate noise: the problem with songs this tempo is that to get through three verses and choruses you have sat through like 56 mins of music... not that its a long song, it just takes forever. i really like the "feels like im eating a wasp" part. you did a good job making the music change, and sound interesting, it just felt so damn long.

the real sign: probably my favorite story in a song this week. nothing makes you feel good around the holidays like home cookin

ajl and andrew: i think i would like this better if the drums were gone. there are parts where the mix is all messed up. i cant tell what the drums are playing to, or what beat the bass is playing to, and the guitar is obviously in its own little world completely isolated from the other two. the only thing that sounds like it is going along with any of the other parts is the voice, and though its a good voice, the words are a little cheesy.

james owens: i have read your descriptions of all of your pieces, and what the words are about, and appreciate the artistic, and strange take on the title you went for. however, it still kinda hurts my ears, and is boring. as a piece of art it is a 10, but as a song it's a 3.5 (to me... and im a horrible music critic)

heine: nice rock tune, the only real problem i have is the synth noise that sounds like what i describe as an electric slide whistle. kill that thing.

the noodle minions: didnt do it for me. way too long, and the words werent interesting enough to make me care to listen. holy crap 7:18 of that? you obviously had something to say about something... i hope it was cathartic.

bad boys at bat mitzvahs: i wish i had the time, and equipment to do this song right... but i had neither. maybe it will get covered by someone way more talented, and way less busy than I. i hate the "hair down/all around" line and i want it gone, but it was all i could think of that didnt sound completely worthless, so we're stuck with it. i like the "i get stung on the tongue" though... that makes me laugh just thinking about it.

these were in no particular order and i honestly cant remember who i voted for, so there ya go! thanks for the reviews!

[nyjm]

RE: BBABM - so, basically, good tune but sub-par performance. (Or at least vocal stylizations not to your taste.) I get it, but I found this part funny:

the drummer needs to be sure to stay on beat.

Meet my drummer.

I really hope to have time to review this fight before the next one begins.

[signboy]

haha, to your credit, it DID sound like a shitty (but real) drummer.
you're way ahead of me in that respect. Your response reminds
me of how it made my day when someone told me I was micing
the hi hat badly.

[BBABM]

That's crazy... And that is pretty much exactly what I meant. And it is only my opinion

[thenoodleminions]

The Noodle Minions -- ...I can hear a sweet voice in there, but it isn't getting a chance to flourish...

Awww, thanks

I'm not a big fan of the parallel intervals -- they're good for certain hypnotic effects, but they don't provide enough richness to carry the whole song.

*shrugs* I like it, to each his own i suppose.

Certainly not a seven-minute song! -- what were you thinking?

I wrote out way too many lyrics, lol.
Didn't want to waste em.

This feels like the plan for something much bigger. As such, it seems to have some interest and promise, with lots of changes and melodic variation.

Unfortunately, i probably won't ever revisit it, lol.

But from the G&G sketch, it's hard to get a sense of what it might be.

Not sure what G&G means.

The lyrics need tightening up -- if it doesn't matter what time you wander into the woods, don't say it's "at six" just to get a rhyme. The irrelevance weakens the message.

Actually, the song is about a six year old playing an elaborate game of pretend in a forest. so "at six' means his age, not the time.
If you want to question the lyrics, I'm pretty sure the sloppy forced use of the Songfight title is a more needed stab, lol.

Thanks for the positive point!
I use songfight purely for an excuse to write a song about something other than my usual stuff, so i don't do it for the 'fight' part, just the 'song' part.
^^ Not loser talk, I promise.

[AJOwens]

[quote="thenoodleminions]Not sure what G&G means.
[/quote]

Short for "Guy and guitar."

[thenoodleminions]

[quote="thenoodleminions]Not sure what G&G means.

Short for "Guy and guitar."[/quote][/quote]

Ah, thanks. I assumed one was guitar, but couldn't decipher the other.

[nyjm]

Trying out a new rubric something this time.

Chekhov's Raygun ***

MELODY (8 / 10)
+++ good melody in the chorus +++
+++ excellent prosody, which counts for a lot in this genre +++

STRUCTURE (5 / 10)
/// verse chorus verse ///

LYRICS (5 / 10)
--- verse : terribly literal take on the title ---
/// chorus: somethig to chew on ///
+++ punch line +++

PRODUCTION (5 / 5)
+++ excellent arrangement and production ===
+++ vocoder chorus +++

PERFORMANCE (5 / 5)
+++ Good rhythm and delivery +++


Ajl and Andrew **½

MELODY (8 / 10)
+++ chorus melody +++

STRUCTURE (8 / 10)
+++ dynamics +++

LYRICS (5 / 10)
--- how does this relate to the title? ---
/// please post your lyrics on the boards ///

PRODUCTION (4 / 5)
+++ quality production +++
--- nitpick: cymbals are a little hot ---
+++ instrumentation +++

PERFORMANCE (1 / 5)
--- out of time, especially the percussion ---
/// vox ///


heine ***

MELODY (9 / 10)
+++ hook +++
+++ catchy pop chorus melody +++

STRUCTURE (7 / 10)
/// verse chorus verse ///
+++ good dynamics +++

LYRICS (3 / 10)
--- title relation failure ---
--- lazy "make love not war" idea? ---

PRODUCTION (5 / 5)
+++ rock! +++
+++ love that high-pitched whine in the right ear +++
++ nice touch on the doubled vox +++

PERFORMANCE (5 / 5)
+++ solid vocal performance +++
+++ cool solo tone and just the right length +++
+++ drums +++


The HATE Noise *

MELODY (5 / 10)
/// some prosody ///

STRUCTURE (3 / 10)
--- rhythm is far too slow and lacks dynamics ---

LYRICS (1 / 10)
--- "I am fucking ANGRY and DEPRESSED!" *yawn* ---

PRODUCTION (1 / 5)
--- over-produced ---
--- which still doesn't reduce some plosives ---

PERFORMANCE (1 / 5)
--- Rone? ---


The Real Sign ***½

MELODY (8 / 10)
/// solid melody but nothing extraordinary
+++ until the nom nom nom bit +++

STRUCTURE (10 / 10)
+++ bridge +++
+++ solo +++

LYRICS (10 / 10)
+++ very creative and funny to boot! +++
/// what's a pizza pop? ///
+++ nom nom nom nom nom +++

PRODUCTION (3 / 5)
--- hot vox ---
+++ otherwise excellent +++

PERFORMANCE (5 / 5)
+++ solid singing and playing +++
+++ Axl Rose impression +++


Johnny Cashpoint ***

MELODY (7 / 10)
+++ nice kiddie-song melody +++
--- some of the prosody is forced ---

STRUCTURE (7 / 10)
+++ dynamics +++
/// i want a chorus to ground all of this listing ///

LYRICS (10 / 10)
+++ full of Johnny Cashpoint win +++

PRODUCTION (3 / 5)
/// very interesting instrumentation; i'm not sure it works entirely, but it sure as hell keeps my attention ///
-- vox are hot in the first verse ---

PERFORMANCE (3 / 5)
/// not sure if its the prosody or just an unevern rhythm in the vox ///


Bad Boys at Bat Mitzvahs **

MELODY (7 / 10)
+++ good guit hook +++
--- chorus melody is boring ---

STRUCTURE (5 / 10)
/// verse chorus verse ///

LYRICS (7 / 10)
/// slightly witty ///

PRODUCTION (2 / 5)
/// guy n' guitar ///

PERFORMANCE (2 / 5)
--- nasally "waaaaaaaaasp" ---


The Noodle Minions *½

MELODY (7 / 10)
+++ strong melody +++
/// but not enough to carry this opus ///

STRUCTURE (2 / 10)
--- really takes a left turn with "I wander into the woods..." ---
--- way too long ---

LYRICS (4 / 10)
--- difficult to make out the lyrics ---
+++ generally i like the story, even if it does go on and on and on +++
-- lame relation to title ---

PRODUCTION (1 / 5)
--- mic hiss ---
--- hot guit drowns the vox (recorded live) ---

PERFORMANCE (3 / 5)
--- very uneven guit playing & singing ---


noah mclaughlin ***

MELODY (7 / 10)
/// solid melody, probably could be really gripping with a better singer ///

STRUCTURE (10 / 10)
+++ variation and dynamics coupled with simple chord progression +++

LYRICS (8 / 10)
+++ creative take on the title +++
+++ i like the diptych/thesis-antithesis +++

PRODUCTION (3 / 5)
+++ instrumentation, arrangement and panning +++
/// drums are over-complicated ///

PERFORMANCE (2 / 5)
--- off-key backing vox ---


Monotone Max and His Long Band Name *½

MELODY (5 / 10)
/// a solid "Meh" ///

STRUCTURE (7 / 10)
+++ interesting dynamics +++

LYRICS (0 / 10)
--- fail ---

PRODUCTION (3 / 5)
--- look, Ma, I have a keyboard! ---
+++ good blend of tones +++

PERFORMANCE (2 / 5)
--- never a good sign when the opening pulse is uneven ---


Big Jim Slade **

MELODY (2 / 10)
--- poor prosody ---

STRUCTURE (8 / 10)
+++ opening groove build +++
+++ nice dynamics +++

LYRICS (4 / 10)
--- yawn ---

PRODUCTION (4 / 5)
+++ love the bass and guitar tones +++
--- get the mic out of your mouth ---
--- that tom roll just SCREAMS robo-drums ---

PERFORMANCE (2 / 5)
--- nasal vox tone ---


chthXchthXchthX ***

MELODY (8 / 10)
+++ Prosody abounds +++

STRUCTURE (8 / 10)
+++ surprisingly varied for such a short offering +++
/// would have liked to see this more developed but would also rather short and sweet than rambling and boring +++

LYRICS (8 / 10)
+++ nice bit of punch in the gut punk +++

PRODUCTION (2 / 5)
--- holy fuck that's loud! ---
/// everything seems overly bright ///

PERFORMANCE (3 / 5)
+++ solid +++


James Owens *½

MELODY (0 / 10)
--- absent ---

STRUCTURE (8 / 10)
+++ interesting and dynamic +++

LYRICS (3 / 10)
/// such as they are... need a lot of context to make sense ///

PRODUCTION (2 / 5)
+++ interesting sound collage +++
--- still pops and fizzles at unpleasant moments ---

PERFORMANCE (0 / 5)
--- n/a ---


Hostess Mostess ****

MELODY (10 / 10)
+++ verse melody +++

STRUCTURE (10 / 10)
/// verse chorus verse ///
+++ but neat anti-chorus +++
+++ excellent dynamics ++++

LYRICS (10 / 10)
+++ good tie-in between lyrics and effects +++
+++ appropriate psychedelia is appropriate +++

PRODUCTION (3 / 5)
--- not a fan of the stereoscopic effect; it actually makes me ill ---
+++ vox harmonies +++
/// drums seem a little distant and/or thin ///

PERFORMANCE (5 / 5)
+++ solid +++

[chekhovsraygun]

Sorry, not a great week for me to do prompt or thorough reviews!

Ajl and Andrew
I really liked the opening lick and I wanted so badly for this to rock. I got over it.
Strong vocals. Nice to hear some harmony a lot. Lyrics... kinda unrelatable.
The drums are really unsteady, particularly when things get animated.

Bad Boys at Bat Mitzvahs
Solid. Totally didn't mind repeat listening. I recognize that this is weak feedback. A full band would've really filled this out.

Big Jim Slade
Rockin'. This is the sort of build up I like in an intro,
Structurally, I liked how varied this was.
"dried blood and other crud" - awesome, I really enjoyed this line.

chthxchthxchthx
Yessssssssssssssss
Highly authentic. I must be getting old, because this is just a little too loud.

Hate Noise
I really like these lyrics. I like the vocals, but wish they were a little more prominent.
Sometimes the high pitched vocal double was cool, and sometimes distracting.
I got kinda bored with the music after a while, but it took most of the song for the bass line to get repetitive.

Heine
I like all this guitar work. Love that synth.
Not wild about the lyrics in the prechorus going "... ahead | ... head | ... ahead" though.

Hostess Mostess
I heard a dog! (@20 seconds). I always wonder if I'm going to pick up the screaming kid next door.
I like the vocal effects a lot. The instrumental stuff sounds a little uncomfortable at this tempo though.
Hooray guitar solos! This one caught me a little by surprise. Kinda divergent from the song proper.

James Owens
This would make a fantastic intro to something.
These samples are ... nicely arranged.

Johnny Cashpoint
I like these lyrics. The music got a little repetitive. The list of animals didn't, that was rad.

Monotone Max and his Long Band Name
Nice enough, but builds to nowhere. Needs words.

Noah Mclaughlin
Vocal harmory is always a winning plan. One or two slightly dissonant bits though.
I liked the call and response bit at the end, nice to hear some different devices.

Noodle Minions
Like the opening.
Oh crap this is seven minutes long?
These lyrics, they could be much more concise.
click click <- Okay, I'm glad I listened to the end. Mouse clicks were good for a chuckle.
I assume this was all one take? Well done with that.

Real Sign
I really, really love the nom nom nom's, both lyrically and harmonically.
Excellent guitar solo too.

[Mostess]

I heard a dog! (@20 seconds).

That's Kermit. He's on a few other Hostess Mostess entries. Most notably, his howl on our "Here Comes My Dragon" is nice and chilling (though I had to slow it down a bit to make him sound more wolfish).

This time he thought the mailman was coming just as I started the lead vocal track. I didn't have the heart to delete it.

Good boy.

[Billy's Little Trip]

I heard a dog! (@20 seconds).

That's Kermit. He's on a few other Hostess Mostess entries. Most notably, his howl on our "Here Comes My Dragon" is nice and chilling (though I had to slow it down a bit to make him sound more wolfish).

This time he thought the mailman was coming just as I started the lead vocal track. I didn't have the heart to delete it.

Good boy.

My dogs are in some of mine too. I usually catch it. One of the songs I did for last Nur Ein, my cell phone rang while I was doing vocals, but I didn't notice it. Now, every time Spanish Lesson plays in my car, it gets to that part and I answer my phone.