Nur Ein VIII Round Zero "When the Time Comes"

[Alvis]

Boffo Yux Dudes- School of Ween. I like the jazzy composition! Some of the words sound really awkward the way you sing them. There are lots of one-syllable words that are bent down over 2 notes: “too-ook”, “eh-end”, “wih-in”. Also “eventually” is awkwardly stressed. I like the parts you have, but I think you need a couple more parts. It could stand to especially have more of an ending. Good stuff!

Boffo Yux Dudes - Man, you really need to work on concision in your lyrics. Take a carving knife to your draft, and I think your finished product will be much more likely to inspire reactions in your listeners. Why does the first line of the chorus have to be "So when my time comes I want you to blow me off the map" when it could be "When my time comes, blow me off the map" instead?

Why can't it be? OK, point taken. Concision is good, I agree. But I'm still trying to finesse getting the words to fit the Procrustean bed of the music without resorting to the awkward stressing Glenny refers to above, so if anyone has any secret tips I'm all ears. (Besides "shut up and get someone else to do it.")

Anyway, thanks to everyone who reviewed and provided positive feedback and constructive criticism. Anyone who takes time to listen to our song and legitimately share their knowledge and experience is OK in my book. After all, I, at least, am here to learn stuff and improve. I mean, Jesus Christ, you don't think I actually have FUN doing this, do you??

[frankie big face]

There's nothing hypocritical about my lyric, Jon. It's not implied anywhere in the song that I will be shooting anyone. Gun nuts frequently say things like "you can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hand." Their words, not mine. I don't know what they mean by it. Maybe, like Ted Nugent, they intend to take their own lives when some sort of lawful and long overdue gun control is put in place. Or maybe it means the government will have to fight a militia of gun nuts to enforce gun control, which seems ironic but not hypocritical. And finally, why do you assume the singer is me? I'm just a songwriter man. Not everything I write is autobiographical. Sheesh.

[LibraryDogs]

Got to get these reviews in before the new prompt or Spud posts the new SongFight.
Sorry these are sparse, but there's 25 of them. PM me if you want more detail.

Adam Adamant - I like this song because it's sad in such a beautiful way. Arrangement is tastefully minimal and showcases the vocals nicely (though the vocals could
be louder and less pitchy). I'd put this in my top 5, whatever that's worth.
Balance Lost - I like how the song changes up for the chorus. Everything is a little buzzy for my taste but that's because I'm getting old. Vocals are not distinct
enough in the mix to grab me.
Boffo Yux Dudes - crazy imagery here. Out with a bang, eh? Interesting take on the prompt. I grin at the lyrical abandon. The arrangement suits the song but the
electric piano grates on me.
Carlo Bruno Jr. - Nice 6/8 tune. Vocals are not distinct enough in the mix to grab me really, but very thematic.
Cavedwellers - I was kind of hoping there'd be more of that chiptune in the beginning. Still, frenetic and bouncy so that's a plus. A tongue-in-cheek ode to concealed
carry.
Chokehold Princess - I'd love to hear this done by four top-notch singers. Maybe with another verse, even. There was a nice change in there. Actually, do you have
this charted out? Send it to me. I might learn something.
Dani House - Touches of Roger Clyne in here. Good attitude, loose and rowdy.
DJ Ranger Den - In the middle of a dirty, crumbled main street of a bombed out town, there's a broken TV. Dust blows past, carrying the last vestiges of humanity
with it. This song is playing on that TV.
Frankie Big Face - Fuzz bass! Catchy. Interesting lyrical content. Easy to listen to. Bonus points for key change!
Governing Dynamics - lots of energy, wish the vocals were a little more front-and-center. You've got more than a couple of really nice phrase turns and they get lost
under the guitar. It could use a more-developed chorus in my opinion, to change it up a bit more.
Inflatable Vegetables - everything's not quite in sync here. Which is a pity because there's some good content in the arrangement and lyrics. Is that bit at the end
from GI Joe or something?
Jon Eric - Nice tune. I like the synth solo. dark turn at the end there.
Ken Mahru - funny thing - one of my coworkers knows you from Bread Circus. Aaaanyway. Crunchy and a power chorus! Nice.
Manhattan Glutton - total Alice in Chains / SoundGarden vibe. At least that's the connection my weary brain is making at the moment. Nice harmonies on the chorus.
Interludes are a little noodly maybe.
Merisan - A second female vocalist in this round? Excellent. I really like this. Delivery is good, and the imagery is solid. Harmonies kick. I have nothing to complain
about here.
Paco del Stinko - More western! But dirty. Gritty. and Stinko all the way. Actually I didn't realize this was you at first. Until "corpse" anyway. Great spaghetti western
imagery. And good use of soundtrack effects. I don't know how to phrase that right.
Rabid Garfunkel - I can't give you points for creativity. But I can give you points for being dramatic, aggressive and political. And that's more or less the same thing.
Ross Durand - Ballad of the First Responders - very timely. Without being topical. Wish I had a 12-string electric. Sounds nice and jangly.
ROTR - waaaayyyy too much distortion. I'm getting old I know it, but dude. Back that off a little.
Sky Pup - soft and thin. I think I get what you were going for, but there's not enough energy to keep the focus. Bring it back next week and blow our heads off.
Tubba Gutz - Pieces of this made me think of Eric Cartman with a DJ setup. I can't make most of the lyrics out which sort of keeps me from enjoying it.
The Tydon Docks - Great energy. I'm sort of surprised that nobody else wrote an "it's all a euphamism for sex" tune. However, I'm not that surprised that you wrote
one. Nice grooving rhythm here. Enjoyable listen.
The Various Artists - The guns as a rhythmic effect are cool. But in a song so inorganic, they should have been tighter rhythmically.
WreckdoM - The first part of this sounds like the theme from a traveling carnival funhouse in the future. Grungy. But I'm always down with getting peanuts for free.
And chocolate malts. And shooting mules. But don't tell anybody about that last part.
Your Kid’s Friend’s Dad - I think I forgot to compress/boost the master track. It's sort of quiet next to everybody else's tune.

[Märk]

Yeah, guys, I know the vox on my track is way distorted. My new employer had me working overtime all last week, and Saturday too. I simply ran out of time to perfect anything (every track is first take, no overdubs, and minimal post-processing) and my already shitty singing voice was giving me problems on Sunday evening so I just distorted the heck out of it and sent it in. I was fairly confident there wouldn't be more than 25 entries anyway

I might redo the vox and if so I'll post a link. Also, hi! everyone! How y'all been?

PS: I liked the Carlo Bruno Jr. song the best. I can't tell if he's genuine or pulling our chain... either way, kudos, man.

[Ross]

Thanks for all the reviews so far, fearing I won't get to any tonight, but I may still try.

Even though there are 25, will we still be getting judge rankings and reviews?

[Eric Y.]

I might redo the vox

You SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH. How DARE you.

[Alvis]

The results are in. Congrats, Frankie Big Face!! Nice job...

[Rabid Garfunkel]

#23! Score! Next stop #20! Heh. Good round, y'all.

Nur Ein!!!

[JonPorobil]

Congratulations to Frankie on another win!

I didn't want to kill my song through excessive explication, but I did find it funny that I was trying to find the least incendiary, least violent interpretation I could, and then out popped a song about Lee Harvey Oswald. Inspiration is tricky sometimes. The whole time I kept thinking about the only other song I know with the same subject matter, Peter Gabriel's "Family Snapshot." It's a lot of shadow to get caught under.

[frankie big face]

Whoa. That was unexpected.

I don't like to say too much while the judging is in progress but I guess I can admit now that I was at a conference all week and had to write and record my song in just a few hours on Sunday night. I did have the chorus and one verse written---there's a lot of time to think when driving to freaking Erie---but this one was kind of a rush job. Luckily, my simple approach worked for this early round.

Thanks for the reviews, everyone! See you in round one. Nur Ein!

[Paco Del Stinko]

Congratulations, Frankie! NUR EIN!!!!!!!!

[JonPorobil]

I don't like to say too much while the judging is in progress but I guess I can admit now that I was at a conference all week and had to write and record my song in just a few hours on Sunday night. I did have the chorus and one verse written---there's a lot of time to think when driving to freaking Erie---but this one was kind of a rush job. Luckily, my simple approach worked for this early round.

The same thing happened to me with Round 0 a couple of years ago, "Time to Panic." I doubt anyone was more surprised than I was when I won that round—and it's still the only round I've ever won... I guess working in a hurry is the right strategy for Round 0, eh?

If that was you cranking out a tune in the shortest amount of time possible, I can't wait to hear what you're going to do with a full five days this year!

[adamadamant]

Everyone made a good showing, congrats to FBF, start as you mean to go on

Really pleased and intrigued by my result. Two 25's, combined with 2 really low scores (5 and 6). Clearly a pretty divisive song or style, I'll be curious to see if it's just a fluke.

On to Round 1!

[Rabid Garfunkel]

The same thing happened to me with Round 0 a couple of years ago, "Time to Panic." I doubt anyone was more surprised than I was when I won that round—and it's still the only round I've ever won... I guess working in a hurry is the right strategy for Round 0, eh?

On the other hand, sometimes it's not (scrapped my song & started from scratch at 1pm pst Sunday), heh. #23!

[Eric Y.]

Two 25's, combined with 2 really low scores (5 and 6). Clearly a pretty divisive song or style, I'll be curious to see if it's just a fluke.

Or (more likely), widely varying viewpoints from different judges.

[Eric Y.]

One judge's opinions on the "When the Time Comes" songs. I don't know if this is a breach of etiquette or confidentiality or whatever, but (for my own convenience) these are presented in the order of how I rated them.

I apologize if any of these comments seem rambly or disjointed -- basically these are the notes I wrote for myself as I listened to the songs. I do not apologize for the content of any of these comments, though. Like I said, this is just one judge's opinions.

• manhattanglutton - On the spectrum of early 00's post-grunge hard rock music, this definitely leans more toward the Days of the New end than the Creed end. Which is a good thing, relatively speaking.
• merisan - The occasional electric guitar lead, and the spanish guitar solo, are perfect. Hard to find any real faults with anything here.
• thetydondocks - Gross! Great song though.
• pacodelstinko - I like all the guitar parts; I think the gunshot sound effect happens too many times. The voice used for the spoken part near the end sounds an awful lot more menacing (and therefore, appropriate for the overall style/tone of the song) than the sung parts.
• rossdurand - I guess one's appreciation of this song would be determined how much one likes or dislikes Warren Zevon. You're lucky I like him. At a certain point, between the multiple guitar and percussion tracks, it feels like it gets a little overcrowded. Otherwise, nice job.
• boffoyuxdudes - I guess one's appreciation of this song would be determined how much one likes or dislikes Steely Dan. You're lucky I like them. The sound effects seem a bit overused -- but I understand you added so many in order to better incorporate the challenge into the song (i.e., so that a single gunshot didn't seem quite so out-of-place), so I get why you chose to do it that way. What happened to the ending?
• frankiebigface - "Pry that gun from your cold dead hand" is such a cliché, I really wish it wasn't used as many times as it is here. Especially when the rest of the lyrics are this good. Surprisingly, both the gearshift key change AND the fade-out both work here.
• carlobrunojr - Well-written, interesting, good driving rhythm; I especially enjoyed the minor-key parts Vocals sound like they are done by Cheech Marin.
• danihouse - This song would be improved 500% by deleting every single cymbal crash from it. The other percussion is very understated, meshing well with the rest of the song.
• joneric - Piano and vocals are both really good -- I do feel that the drum part is way too upbeat for this song, though. Especially following the gunshot during the radio noise part. When the drums cut out for that last bit, it sounds better, and I feel like maybe this would have made sense to do earlier (like at the moment of the gun shot, perhaps) rather than later.
• governingdynamics - Wow, that's some reverb you got there. The guitar solo happens exactly where I expected a guitar solo would happen -- not sure if that improves or detracts from your score. I do feel like the solo should have been a little more prominent than the other guitar parts, which are (appropriately) semi-buried in the mix.
• cavedwellers - Nice instrumentation, although occasionally it feels a little haphazard. Vocals sound good, the bassline is cool but I wish its tone wasn't quite so compressed or squashed to death, especially if it's going to be mixed so prominently!
• balancelost - Nice and louder; better-sounding drums than some of your competitors. Seems pretty short, but that's better than seeming too long! Not nuts about that particular synth tone.
• ken - The tempo/rhythm here feel a bit too stiff, except on the chorus when the ride cymbal comes in, then it appears to loosen up somewhat. Otherwise, it seems just a little too precise, almost militaristic.
• wreckdom - The vocals are kind of over-processed; I feel like if they were a little cleaner (or if there weren't two different parts that were so differently processed) it might be easier to understand what is being said. Outside of that, this sounds pretty cool.
• rotr - I really like these vocals, but otherwise for the most part this is just pretty standard punk rock, which doesn't excite me much.
• skypup - The concept is there, just the execution (and the recording) is a bit lacking. Vocals are really quiet, like you have no confidence in your ability to sing and are afraid somebody might hear you. Consequently, it doesn't have any passion or emotion behind it, and ends up sounding as lackluster as you were afraid it will end up sounding. Or something like that.
• yourkidsfriendsdad - A little too much focus on the challenge, and perhaps not enough on writing an interesting song. The lyrics are rather one-dimensional, I'm not really sure what the purpose of this song is. It sounds good -- and I understand that the mellow almost-Carribbean vibe of the music clashes quasi-ironically with the subject matter, but overall (to me) it just sort of falls flat.
• inflatablevegetables - The first rule of mixing -- especially for home recording -- is that the vocals should always be louder than you think they should. Typically, if you think it's too loud, it's probably just barely loud enough. However, here's a case of someone taking that rule a little bit TOO literally.
• adamadamant - Meh fake drums and fake instruments; belongs on Jack Johnson's "Mellow Show". (Google it, or search the SNL archives on NBC.com or Hulu, if you aren't familiar). Not terrible, though. (Aside from the falsetto additional vocal on the last couple of lines in the last chorus).
• rabidgarfunkel - That was it? There really isn't enough of a song here to really get your point across -- or honestly, to even make it clear what sort of a point you want to get across. Feels like you could have done a lot more with this.
• djrangerden - The music part is experimental enough -- I hate ALL of these vocal effects. The singing seems like it would have been really nice outside of that. I might like to hear this without all the chipmunk voices and animal noises and stuff, but with everything else kept intact.
• thevariousartists - This is not a genre/style I would ever listen to, so I can't determine whether it's done well or not. I am not enjoying much about this, to be honest. Especially that robotic-sounding voice saying "oh baby" -- that kind of creeps me out. The underlying samples (with all the jingling spent casings and whatnot) are pretty much the only good part here.
• chokeholdprincess - Gun shot should have been about a minute earlier. I can tell (from the amount of time/work spent layering the vocals) that you probably have the ability to do something better than this, so I'd like to see a bit more effort next time?
• tubbagutz - None of these cartoonified vocals sound good to me. The rest of the music is interesting, but not enough to save the song.

[ValleyOfSteelstress]

Another judges opinion- please do not be offended by what I say and take it with a "light-hearted" tone. Some of you really wrote some great tunes. Looking forward to the next round!


Adam Adamant- Clever Use of the Gun effect, good lyrics, not so much of a fan of the fake drum beat but overall not a bad first song. I like your voice it's different!

Balance Lost-Very awkward at times, clever ending.

Boffo Yux Dudes- Not a fan of this singing, (sorry). I did not like the drive out in a hearse lyric, but I did enjoy the viking funeral lyric because I too think that is awesome. Vikings=always awesome!

Carlo Bruno Jr.- I am a HUGE fan of Desert Rock, the echo effect, the simple lyrics, and spacey guitar you got me! I seriously love this song. I thought it was straight out of a Tarantino movie. Freaking awesome!

Cavedwellers- Good samples, not a fan of the overall tone though... it's a little too happy/bouncy for me as well.

Chokehold Princess- I liked this concept, could have been done a little differently to capitalize on the humor but overall I did like it more then the other judges I think.

Dani House- I think you have a great sudo-cowboy voice going on there, and I liked your use of your gunshot. Pleasant listening after some other songs.

Dj Ranger Den- Creepy, Robotic, and not organic at all. I especially hated the end.

FBF- In my notes I wrote, "catchy, makes me happy and I liked the imagery of the song". I also have always liked Frankie's voice so I tried to take that out of it but the song stands on it's own, and I love the take the whole hand line, as well as the Charleston Heston line. Kudos FBF great song, feels like it could have been on a Barenaked Ladies album (one of the good ones ).

Governing Dynamics- I liked the 90's lemonheadish (It's a Shame About Ray in particular) vibe going on here, I find myself ignoring the lyrics though and that's unfortunate. Not a bad song overall though. Ranked high with me.

Inflatable Vegtables -Felt a little forced at times, and awkward. Vocals off for me.

JonEric- Beautiful piano part, I really enjoyed your lyrics. Not a bad song over all. Drum beat seems like it belongs in a different song though.

Ken Mahru- I dig the 50's vibe I really love your voice too! I think you have a potential of a really great scream in it. Can't wait to hear your next round of songs! Just need to relax a bit perhaps?? Smoke a few j's or something?

Manhattan Glutton- I like this song, especially the chorus and use of the gunshot, all things that were winners for me! I can't wait to hear what else you put out for these battles! I say way to go! Very 90's sounding!

Merisan- Nice Samples love that beginning and end, and man the harmonies are gorgeous! Nice chorus too! I felt like the gun use was a bit of a throwaway but overall good song. Nice use of the guitar so beautiful, someone can really play! This is pretty catchy by my 4th listen as I review I find myself singing along great job!

Pako Del Stinko- Eh? Very literal gun song... a little cheesy but not awful...

Rabid Garfunkel- I really did not enjoy this (man I sound mean) I do not like talking songs and it was too robotic and odd me for me. Couldn't really get into it.

Ross Durand- I found this a bit boring, and had to force myself to listen at times.

ROTR- Butthole Surfers/Early Distorted Punk vibe that I liked a whole lot! I happen to really dig distortion so I say awesome! Short and sweet and in my top songs! Yes and yes!

Skypup- Is that you Kip? Are you still married to LaFawnduh? Was this song written for her?
On a serious note this song is kinda creepy and I particularly dislike the use of gunfire it's distracting over your barely audible voice. Sorry.

Tubba- Robot voices do nothing for me. NOTHING

The Tydon Docks- I like the arrangement of this song, but... "when the time comes we're gonna have some fun... gonna shoot my love right at you" kinda made me laugh out loud and I am not sure that's the reaction I am supposed to have. not a bad effort over all though.

The Various Artists- so the rapid gunfire, and computerized beats just made me want to tune it out, I do not like electronic music so I admit this will never be my thing but it just seems a little messy and not well combined together.

WreckdoM- Totes awesome dude! Super funky groove vibe, I dig it! I like this effect on your voice and the song as a whole is a weird mix of lots of great stuff, not surprised this was a top 5 for me!

Your Kid's Friend's Dad- I like the Santana style riff at the start, I think you have a lovely voice as well. Not a bad effort made my top 10, looking forward to more from you!


Looking forward to round 1 guys! Thanks again!

[j$]

Just to say I will post my reviews when I'm back from my work sojourn in the states on friday lunchtime (east coast time)M apologies but listening to the songs on my smartphone and getting the scores in via the saratoga springs business center pc was tricky enough - you'll just have to wait for my pearls of facetious wisdom!

[skypup]

Look what I just found in Ye Olde Lyric Marte. It's Niveous' own "When The Time Comes" song:

"Robot Ninja Zombie Bear"

The lonely hunter takes aim at immortality
Must become stronger than the machine
No robot can match his precision
His soul stronger than the circuitry

And when the time comes, the battle is won
The hunter holds a steelheart in his hands
Raises it high for the god of war
Picks another target and marches on

The lonely hunter knows others praise the lord
And pursue the same prize
He needs not the stealth they possess
Crossing his path will only end their lives

And when the time comes, the battle is won
Warrior's heart lay in the hunter's hands
Raises it high for the god of war
Picks another target and marches on

The lonely hunter inches closer to the prize
The path is blocked by the undead
Its hunger cannot match his desire
He prepares to kill the man again

And when the time comes, the battle is won
The hunter holds a coldheart in his hands
Raises it high for the god of war
Picks another target and marches on

The lonely hunter walks the fields of glory
Faces off with instinct's purest form
Drops his weapons to challenge the beast
Hands battling the claws

And when the time comes, the battle is won
The hunter holds a bearheart in his hands
Raises it high for the god of war
Finds that he can march on no more

The lonely hunter sees a parting of the clouds
Finds himself bathed in holy light
Inhales a breath that will never leave
But also traps a fire inside

And when the time comes, all the battles are won
He longs to hold a heart in his hand
Says a prayer to the god of war
Picks another target and marches on

Circa 2010

[Niveous]

o_O

Niveous, song writing pyschic.

[roymond]

I don't like to say too much while the judging is in progress but I guess I can admit now that I was at a conference all week and had to write and record my song in just a few hours on Sunday night. I did have the chorus and one verse written---there's a lot of time to think when driving to freaking Erie---but this one was kind of a rush job. Luckily, my simple approach worked for this early round.

This speaks volumes to song writing vs production. All that time in your head brewing sections of a well thought out song, it makes the limited time to record and produce so much more effective, and allows it to retain much of its spark.

Yes, this is a law and it applies to every similar situation!!!

Or, it's just Frankie.
Whatever.

[roymond]

o_O

Niveous, song writing pyschic.

Excellent.
You now have 25 musical arrangements to choose from for your lyrics. Who says outsourcing is dead?
You sneaky devil!