sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Discuss the many little competitions/projects that spring up amongst the Song Fight community.
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

Submit an original song using the following prompts:
Title: "Access Denied"
Challenge: don't suck
Non-mandatory Inspiration Prompt: Gain entry
Due Date: 11:59 pm PT, Sept 10, 2021
Blue Lang Memorial Guest Reviewers: lunkhead, mo, Evermind
Donor: Paco del Stinko
Prize: Stutterbox Tremolo pedal by Solid Gold, SongFight! and Paco del Stinko guitar picks, hand-drawn tee-sheet customized for the winner, secret mystery good luck token (prize photos/links in following post)

Submissions should be sent to sonofgearfight@gmail.com
mp3 preferred, of no less than 128kbps, higher quality preferred
Suggested mastering to -13 LUFS. If you don't know about it, we can dig up some reference articles.

Reviews and winner announcement will happen when they happen, but intention is have it in a week from the due date.

Reminder that the Inspiration Prompt is here to promote creativity and different approaches, and is not mandatory or a criteria for eligibility or ranking.

Contestants worldwide are eligible, if there are problems, issues with fulfillment will be handled to the best of everyone’s ability offline. Subsequent fights may have changes depending on prizing and donor.

The Fightmasters have graciously agreed to host this fight, so it will appear on its own page in the Songfight ecosystem.

Further announcements, corrections, and whatnot for this fight will be made in this thread
Last edited by mo on Thu Sep 02, 2021 10:43 am, edited 3 times in total.
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied:

Post by mo »

Prizes: Stutterbox Tremolo pedal by Solid Gold, SongFight! and Paco del Stinko guitar picks, hand-drawn tee-sheet customized for the winner, secret mystery good luck token
20210814_132610.jpg
20210814_132610.jpg (964.56 KiB) Viewed 2981 times
20210814_132818.jpg
20210814_132818.jpg (924.08 KiB) Viewed 2981 times
20210814_132942.jpg
20210814_132942.jpg (953.62 KiB) Viewed 2981 times
review links for the pedal:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SGGeJg3ZOc0

https://www.premierguitar.com/gear/soli ... dal-review
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied:

Post by mo »

MOAR prize photos
20210814_132333.jpg
20210814_132333.jpg (955.28 KiB) Viewed 2981 times
20210814_132639.jpg
20210814_132639.jpg (865.83 KiB) Viewed 2981 times
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

Hey all, in order to accommodate general schedule exhaustion (and timeline exhaustion, if you have been following the godforsaken news cycle) we're pushing back the deadline on this to Sept 10, 11:59 pm
User avatar
Pigfarmer Jr
Jump
Posts: 2293
Joined: Sat Mar 21, 2009 6:13 am
Instruments: Guitar
Recording Method: Br-900CD and Reaper to mix
Submitting as: Pigfarmer Jr, Evil Grin, Pork Producer, Gilmore Lynette Tootle, T.C. Elliott
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Columbia, Missouri
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Pigfarmer Jr »

Thank you. I wanted to do a song but there was literally no way to even start and get into the current fight.
Evil Grin bandcamp - Evil Grin spotify
T.C. Elliott bandcamp - T.C. Elliott spotify

"PigFramer: Guy and guitar OF MY NIGHTMARES." - Blue Lang
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

Yeah dude, it seemed that with SFL and everything, plus the holiday, back to school, etc etc, most people were just wiped out hahaha
User avatar
crumpart
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1123
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 8:04 am
Instruments: Fuzz
Submitting as: Hot Pink Halo
Pronouns: She/her
Location: Laois, Ireland
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by crumpart »

I made a ting.

Access denied 1000.jpg
Access denied 1000.jpg (1.05 MiB) Viewed 2714 times
Devil’s got me Lindt! Devil’s got me Lindt!
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

awesome!!!
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

Btw to all the entrants, we have received your entries but am having a bit of work/life, we'll get the fight up tomorrow for your listening pleasure/pain, depending on your point of view. Or both together, depending on how you're wired
User avatar
Paco Del Stinko
Hot for Teacher
Posts: 3542
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:20 am
Instruments: Basic rock, at a basic level.
Recording Method: Roland 2480
Submitting as: Paco del Stinko
Location: Massachusetts. God save the Commonwealth!

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Paco Del Stinko »

I'm excited to hear the songs, glad some talented folks are jumping in. Hell, I'd be excited for non-talented people!

Crumpy: Great art work, it's almost like you're a real artist or something. ;)
Bringin' the stink since 2006.
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

User avatar
Paco Del Stinko
Hot for Teacher
Posts: 3542
Joined: Fri Apr 07, 2006 11:20 am
Instruments: Basic rock, at a basic level.
Recording Method: Roland 2480
Submitting as: Paco del Stinko
Location: Massachusetts. God save the Commonwealth!

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Paco Del Stinko »

I've listened to these a couple of times and gotta say wow, great job, all. If I had a seven sided die, I'd just roll it to pick a winner. Heaps of goodness here. I'll keep on l istening 'til reviews come in.
Bringin' the stink since 2006.
User avatar
Lunkhead
You're No Good
Posts: 8104
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:14 pm
Instruments: many
Recording Method: cubase/mac/tascam4x4
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene, Merisan, Tiny Robots
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Berkeley, CA
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Lunkhead »

I should have time to get my reviews done tonight.
User avatar
sleepysilverdoor
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1086
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:02 pm
Instruments: Drums, Guitars, Keys
Recording Method: Focusrite + FL Studio
Submitting as: Phl*b*
Pronouns: bruh
Location: Not super far from Atlanta but definitely not Atlanta
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by sleepysilverdoor »

Lunkhead wrote:
Thu Sep 16, 2021 9:33 am
I should have time to get my reviews done tonight.
You're beautiful.
"There's a lot to be said about a full-on frontal assault on the ear drums" - Pigfarmer Jr.
User avatar
Lunkhead
You're No Good
Posts: 8104
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:14 pm
Instruments: many
Recording Method: cubase/mac/tascam4x4
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene, Merisan, Tiny Robots
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Berkeley, CA
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Lunkhead »

Ha, oops. I'll have to try again tonight. (smh)
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

I will write mine this afternoon, I have a specific window of time for it, don't tell the office
User avatar
Lunkhead
You're No Good
Posts: 8104
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:14 pm
Instruments: many
Recording Method: cubase/mac/tascam4x4
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene, Merisan, Tiny Robots
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Berkeley, CA
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Lunkhead »

First batch of reviews. I need to take a dinner break. These are taking a while to write! I just want to say I did enjoy these songs in spite of copious feedback about things I think could be better.

Hanky Code
I'm digging the intro. Everything sounds good. Oh darn. That vocal treatment is not working for me. The lyrics are almost unintelligible unless I read along while I listen. The voice reminds me of "Still Alive" from Portal only it's way too computerized/synthesized for me. I'd like to hear it sound more human, or, less human but in a different way. Also on my monitor speakers the voice seems too loud, especially in the low end, especially during the verses. Other than that though the song flows along decently through the second chorus. Structure wise I'm really ready for a substantial change-up after that, in harmony or arrangement or dynamics etc. Tiny thing, I think you could have skipped the intro riff there and just gone to the bridge. The bridge for me doesn't deliver the big musical change I'm looking for. There is a bubbly background/arpeggiated synth that's maybe going the whole time which is making things feel same-y to me through the song. Then the bridge goes back to the same kind of harmony as the rest of the song before it's done, so for me it's not even enough of a departure harmony-wise. I like how the solo starts off melodic. I wish it had stayed melodic. It might have been nice for the second half of the solo if instead of the guitar getting super busy a lead synth came in and did the busy stuff while the guitar stayed melodic. For some reason to me the busy guitar soloing doesn't fit the vibe that I'm getting from the song, which I guess I'm feeling to be more electronic than rock. I like the ringtone part, cool idea and the way you worked it in and tied it in with the lyrics is good. I especially like the song dropping out there. Honestly though it could have just ended there for me. I definitely did not need an _extended_ chorus to wrap it up. I think probably about half way through the song I was already tired of hearing "access denied", to be honest. I felt like the title was over used. (Nearly 20 times?!) It really did not need to be in the verses or at the beginning _and_ end of the choruses (pick one), except maybe the final chorus. I guess it's more than just the voice that reminds me of the "Still Alive", the lyrics too remind me of it but they seem a little light on content. The verses are kind of different ways of saying the same thing. I like how the story advances with the twist but it would have been nice if there had been more background or development earlier in the song too, like, verse 1 to verse 2. Arrangement wise I think this could use some more variety, maybe pull some things away at times or change the drums or throw in a filter sweep or crescendo for one of the transitions etc. As it is it felt too long to me even though it's only 3:26. I did enjoy a lot of it though, lots of great stuff in it. Another very minor thing, your song's integrated LUFS is only ~-16 which is pretty quiet. When I started the next song it blew my face off because it was so much louder than yours, which is partly because your song is quiet and partly because their song is loud.

IRC USM
Your integrated LUFS is ~-8.9, the guidance in the first post was to target -13. So your song is pretty loud relative to that, although, at least there is still good dynamic range. I think the intro would have more impact if you omitted the hi hat count in. The intro rocks pretty hard, I like it. Your guitars are really loud and sound great, but your drums seem faint and weak in the mix. I would love to hear them hit as hard as the guitars. The transition from that "gotta get out" part to the instrumental riff section feels a little weird. Maybe it's just because the drums are too quiet. It might have been nice to have the "band" stop for a beat to create a clear delineation of that transition and make the first beat of its first measure very clear. I really dig your bass tone and the way it's prominent in the "Keep on pushing." part. That part sounds very cool. I'm not loving the transition out of that cool part and into the next part though. That guitar "duh duh, duh duh, duh duh" reminds too much of "Going the Distance" by Cake. The next part is cool though and I feel like you're channeling some Layne Staley for moment which I like. Back to the "Keep on pushing" part, but, is it exactly the same as the other time? It would be great to have made it sound distinct from the earlier instance somehow, like instrumentation/arrangement wise. Same thing with the second instance of the next part. The "breakdown" section could be a lot more broken down. Just drop the guitars altogether there, at least for the beginning of it. Add in something else to create some more ambience, like, tambourine, a quiet synth pad or organ, or something. The way the guitars cut in and out there is just making me so aware of how much louder they are than everything else. Also that part really needs a guitar solo. This song needs a solo! (Call me!) I think you could have put more effort into ending in a cool way like with the "band" being in synch and hitting some beats and doing a bigger finish. Lyrics wise I like that you kept it simple and minimal, I think that worked well with the style of the music and I like how the song is not an obvious standard verse/chorus structure. This is another that where I enjoyed a lot of the elements. Parting though, I enjoyed how you used the title in the lyrics but it didn't stick out like a sore thumb.

Ken's Super Duper Band 'n Stuff
Mastering you're at around -9 also which is louder than the guidance in the first post. Is -9 what most folks go for...? Maybe the guidance could be updated? Anyway. It's hard for me to hear your songs with programmed drums that don't sound like an 80's drum machine. :P This is some classic KSDBnS formula otherwise though. My head's bopping. I kinda wish something about the guitars had changed for the first verse, like, drop one of the guitars, or, switch to playing single notes instead of power chords, something to make the verse have more space than the intro. That way you could bring that element back in for the pre-chorus to bring up the energy level there. I don't love how you stretch out "puuuuubliiiiic faaaaace". It sounds awkward to me. I think it could sound more natural to rest a few beats after the first line "A public figure (rest rest rest) with-a public face". The pre-chorus feels kinda long. It's the same thing twice and there's a lot of dead air after each vocal line. It might be tighter and higher impact if you'd done the second line quickly during the fourth measure and then gone to the chorus right then (so, prechorus would be only four measures instead of eight). The chorus conversely feels kinda short, but that will pay off with the inevitable repeats of the chorus at the end I presume. It might be nice in the chorus if the guitars kicked on some distortion so it felt like the "band" was rocking out harder there. Second verse, I like the synth playing through. I don't like the sustained "eeeee" vowel sounds in reason/season/treason/pleasin', I don't think it sounds great, seems tough to hold that vowel and have it sound good. Also the AAAA rhyme scheme kinda grated on me. I do like though that you played with the melody and gave it more range and tension. I'm not sure I understand how treason plays into the story. On to the second chorus, I'm still digging it, but, also wishing for a new element to come in, like, maybe a second mono synth comes in harmonizing with the first one. I'm glad for the bridge to come right after the second chorus and I love the sweet drum fill at the end. At that point though I could really use a break from the 8th note guitar strumming. Maybe switch to quarter notes in the bridge? Give it a more staccato feel? Those bridge lyrics seem a little sinister, which is an interesting development in the story. Kinda creepy. Oh dang, no face melting guitar solo?! (Call me! haha) I think it could have been cool to really bring things down at the start of that final prechorus, like, start off very quiet and then build at the end into the final choruses, and make those final choruses huge. More voices, more synths, etc. Actually maybe in the final choruses you could have flipped it to "access granted" or something, make the "Baby you're next" line a turning point after which access is no longer denied, or, no longer denied in the same way (like maybe the person got access but then is being denied access to leave, to follow up on the sinister element). Another fine song with a lot of parts I liked. I am realizing that I think I don't like hearing "access denied" state plainly in the lyrics, like in this song and in the Hanky Code song.
mo
Mean Street
Posts: 513
Joined: Fri Oct 08, 2004 9:46 pm
Instruments: guitar, bass, synth
Recording Method: Reaper 4eva
Submitting as: duboce triangle, ellipsis, agony sauce, moody vermin, spite, yaks
Pronouns: n/a
Location: hell a
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by mo »

and here's my reviews, sorry I thought I was clear of work this afternoon but THEN THEY PULLED ME BACK IN

A general note overall, the LUFS guidance for mastering, which about half the people did not follow, is really there to make it a better experience for the listening public, the reviewers, and the judge/host, since as we all know, it's often easy to just think the louder song is better because, well, MOAR LOUD is MOAR GÜD. One of you I metered at like -7 LUFS (ujn) which is even louder than CD standard. I chose -13 LUFS because that's YouTube standard for streaming music, if you go to Spotify or Apple Music it's even lower. Now I don't expect that everyone should care about that, but it does make it easier for everyone when you don't have to jump for the volume knob/buttons on every other song. That said, there's no rule about it so you know, do what you gotta do I guess, until there is one. But we'll all be judging you in the back of our minds hahahahaha.

Ken’s: First off it has a nice synth hook, the driving beat we’ve come to expect, and a reasonably polished sound overall. The vocals sound like they were slowed down or something, maybe that’s autotuning? and at times in the song they mud out into that big bass, especially in the bridge. The chorus suffers from the song being at maximum ROCK all the time, the chorus doesn’t lift off over the rest of the song. Maybe if you’d had more time for backing vocals or something that would’ve worked. My first thought though, was that I would’ve pulled the verses further down, feel wise.

Personally I would’ve preferred a more Cars-y synth tone. Finally, I think this song maybe could’ve been a touch slower or something—anyway to me the problem is that it doesn’t groove as hard as I want it to—the difference between being “on time” and being “in the pocket” if you will.

The lyrics are fine, I dunno, I have no experience with any of this so it doesn’t resonate with me particularly since I’m not a super celeb like the narrator.

Phlub: I love the Indian/Arabic feel, the pulse, and the layering. I think the delivery of the vocals is a little weak, both in terms of energy and actually just the rhythms, it feels like you’re often trying to catch up in the longer phrases and lose some precision. Are you doing microtonal vocal phrases as well? It sounds pretty cool. “Celestial” stuck out as a weird bit.

It’s a good journey throughout the song. I don’t see where the access is being denied as this seems to fall more into the concept of invocation/prayer and that access is therefore being granted, and being well, accessed throughout the song. Not that anyone necessarily needs to care about the relation of the title but it was something I noticed.

The percussion is super cool though and I would happily listen to this over and over again for all the hypnotic feel.

PFJr: Nice bass groove (the bass might be a little too high in the mix though). I like all the building, the acoustic guitar as percussion, the little riffs. Has a very strong vibe overall. I’m not a super huge fan of the guitar break, it seems not quite focused enough.

The thing with your songs that I will have to keep bringing up is the lack of precision in the vocals. You’ve heard it all before so I guess you’re gonna just do what you do, but like for example the first line of the song is great, but the second line “but I can’t leave her alone” doesn’t sit right into the pocket of the rhythm and that makes it feel weak, and it should be an emotionally strong line. Then every time the “Access Denied” is mixed a little gratingly, leaping out of the song in a distracting way as opposed to one that adds energy. It’s all good ideas, the execution just doesn’t quite hit right. V2, “She’ll answer” and “I only lose my mind” again, imprecise placement. I’m not saying things have to be on the strong beat or the offbeat or specific beats, but they do need to have a feel of being on the grid, maybe they needed to start earlier as a pickup or something to sit right.

I do really like the story with Siri, that’s amusing.

Hanky Code: Ok it’s fun groove but the vocals are a little hard to hear, maybe a bit more judicious low cut or spiking some of those mids that are getting filtered? something to make it a little easier instead of being work. It's hard to understand the lyrics, not impossible, but not easy, so I'd take a look at it. The level of vocals also seems really high to me, which maybe was your way of trying to deal with the obscuration of the filter effect, but it really doesn't help, it just makes the mud louder, IMO.

This is another tune with a lot of nice hooky stuff, little layers flying in and out, which I really love. The melody is also pretty catchy, and I like the solo! However it does stay at relatively the same intensity level all the time and that makes me wish for an all-the-way breakdown and build back up. Or maybe more of a different drum loop in the chorus?

IRC USM: I like the Tool-esque feel that happens in the “keep on pushing” parts. This song has a killer riff, good performances instrumentally, and has a nice groove, although the guitar is probably higher in the mix than I would put it. Like, it cuts enough to not need quite so much volume relative to the bass and drums, which suffer in comparison and I think would sound more powerful. Nice sections and how they build into each other.

Precision in the vocal is a problem in this song too, most specifically on those “but my access is denied” lines. But when everything else is locking in so tightly, that bit of looseness doesn’t sound to me like cool playing with the phrase, it just sounds like imprecision.

misc owl: I don’t know if this is the best song to mention Scott Bakula but I’m guessing you don’t have a lot of competition. So your strengths come to light here as usual, focused lyric writing that have great prosody (although “unfamiliar” was maybe not quite tight) and fit well both technically and meaning-wise. Vocals are excellent as usual. The chorus in particular is a good idea, going from all these words to some sustained syllables paints a nice contrast and helps capture this feeling of regret and what might-have-been, which is a pretty elusive emotion to get and not be cheesy.

So the drums being a little wonky in places stands out to me as the thing you could improve the most. The song, especially when it kicks in, doesn’t really feel like it’s all in the same groove. The fill at 2:24 or so kind of took me out of the song for a moment there. I wasn’t even sure if it was just the drums or everything, but I bet if you took the drums out, you’d find everything else is in the same groove, so I think it is in the end the drums.

vom vorton: ah a modified doo-woop, one of my favorite types of intros. The master is a little crispy here and the bass is a little big in the very low end, like a LPF around 40 might be useful.

like with owl, lyric writing is on point, and you feel the movement really well, little variations work well “but it’s no fun doing nothing on your own” for example. The V1 lines about the tears in your eyes is also poignant; you have a talent for expressing these feelings in a very real, immediate way. And just as a comparison, this a vocal performance that isn’t like super on the grid all the time, but it is deeply within the pocket, good example of how those things are different.

3/4 is always a good choice for this kind of song and you really make it work for yourself. The wash into the instrumental breaks is pretty great too—I think the song does end too soon though, it kind of wants to take off and go someplace else for a bit, no?
User avatar
Lunkhead
You're No Good
Posts: 8104
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:14 pm
Instruments: many
Recording Method: cubase/mac/tascam4x4
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene, Merisan, Tiny Robots
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Berkeley, CA
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Lunkhead »

Reviews round two.

miscellaneous owl
To get it out of the way up front, your mastering is on the slightly quiet side. I like the reverb on the drums. That open hi-hat sounds a bit harsh, almost like white noise or something. Guitar sounds great, the part is pretty and it's played well. I kinda wish the organ patch had a darker tone, with the highs rolled off. I do like the way the instruments come in one at a time through the intro. I like the drop into the verse, dynamics wise, although I think the drum fill at the end of the intro is anticlimactic, it doesn't sound like a "bringing it down" fill, more like "kicking it up" fill. I like the groove the verse settles into. Is there any bass guitar in this? I don't feel like I'm hearing it yet? I could be wrong but I think I hear some pitch issues in the vocals, like unfortunately on the very first word "Down", and the last syllable of "limi_nal_". The lyrics are off to a good start, good imagery and expressions. The transition into the chorus feels abrupt to me, like the shift is pretty big and pretty sudden. I could have done with a prechorus, or maybe just drawing out the end of the verse a bit longer, maybe even just adding a one measure build. I really like the way the chorus goes big though. The chorus drum are really great. (Are they live or sequenced?) Very nice hooky melody for the long lines of the chorus, and I enjoy the addition of the harmony there. The amount of space w/o vocals at the end of the first line feels weird to me, like dead air. I wonder what it would sound like to chop out that measure and just go to the "Obsessively, ..." part sooner. The "...ly" part is cool but I think that gap before it robs it of some impact. This is really minor but the eighth notes on the organ during that first line of the chorus are super distracting to me for some reason. Everything is so smooth but the attack on those organ hits really cuts through the mix and sounds very staccato in a way that clashes rather than providing a nice contrasting texture. Whole notes could blend in more. The chorus-to-second-verse transition is another place where I feel like some extra space would be beneficial. The lines of the second verse don't quite feel as cohesive as the lines of the first verse. As much as I enjoy the Quantum Leap reference and the way it sets up the fourth line, maybe something for lines 3 and 4 that fleshes out the strand/note/song ideas more could be good there instead. Oh yeah, this is a case where musically/instrumentation wise the second verse is basically all the same stuff as the first, only the lyrics are different. For some reason this time it works fine for me. Same for the second chorus. Also you're just plainly stating "Access denied" like I said I wasn't enjoying in the other songs but this time that works for me too. So I guess I'm just wildly inconsistent about these things. Doh! Maybe I just don't like it up front? At the end of the chorus is OK? We'll see what happens with the other songs. Anyway. I think I'm hearing the bass after all, but maybe the parts on the bass are way up the neck? I just am missing some nice rich low notes in the mix anchoring down the harmony more clearly. I could have used some space again in the chorus 2 to bridge transition. It might have been nice to have the bridge start with an instrumental solo before going into the vocal section for the bridge. (Call me! OK, that joke got old, sorry.) Lyrically and vocally I think the bridge is not as strong as the rest of the song. The register you're singing the "Is there more than this?" line in sounds low and it seems like it's a little less solid and less emotive. I think I like the response lines better. "Is there more than this?" seems like it's not contributing anything so novel to the song to justify the repetition for me. I actually think maybe that part could be interesting with the calls/responses flipped, so the "Is there more than this?" line then becomes more like the subtext of the bridge, vs it being the text. OK, the title repetition at the end is bugging me now, like in the other songs. I think a fade out during that could have been a fitting ending for this song, where it feels like there isn't and won't be any clear clean resolution for the narrator. Anyway, I really like the verse and chorus parts in this a lot. This is probably the song I've liked the most so far of the bunch.

Phlub
Cool intro groove, bass and percussion are setting a nice tone, very different from the other songs. I would say the intro could just be two repeats rather than four but the repetition is probably more in keeping with this style and genre. There seem to be some pitch issues in the vocals and I don't think it's deliberate genre appropriate microtonality. I really like when the new instruments and percussion come in. Very cool additional stuff happening after the AGLA (x2) part. The way this is slowly building up is really great. Hm, maybe there is intentional microtonal or alternate scale stuff happening but I _still_ think there are pitch issues in the vocals in the sense of the doubled parts not singing the same notes all the time. I guess since this genre and subject matter are pretty far outside my wheelhouse I don't have a lot of specific feedback. It seems like you pretty successfully pulled off what I'm guessing you were going for. I enjoyed the change of pace in the mix of songs. I have absolutely no idea how this is related to the title. If you mentioned that in the thread or something I missed it.

Pigfarmer Jr
I'm not a huge fan of fake bass like that. Or fake trumpets. I feel like there are pitch issues in the verse vocals, you're trying to do a four-note descending chromatic line along with the bass, so maybe it's that the vocal is in unison with the perfectly in tune MIDI bass that's drawing extra attention to the pitch issues. Also for me that kind of melody is something I feel like I've heard a lot so repeating it a ton is kinda putting me off the song. Maybe if the bass and guitar weren't also doing the same thing in unison. I'm also having a hard time with the fake strings, although I do appreciate the switch-up from the horns to the strings. The fake bass is growing on me though, or at least I'm noticing it less and less. Whoa, finally a guitar solo! Yeah! :) Oh wow, I didn't get it in the first verse that this is about Siri, whoops. Now that I do, I feel like for me that's pretty well tread territory, like I haven't heard a fresh take on that in a while. I do like the addition of the quiet distorted guitar in the third stanza. Maybe the whole thing could have escalated more quickly with each stanza, start off quiet and jazzy, then go up to rock, then third stanza could be noisy and wild, all to illustrate the narrator's gradual loss of sanity.

Vom Vorton
Yeah, 6/8! Nice to have that in the mix of the songs. I like the instrumentation, the reverbed out drums, the mix of acoustic and electric instruments (is the acoustic strumming a ukulele?). I could have done without the fuzz/distortion on the bass right out of the gate, especially in the first verse. I think you could have cut out some of the guitars at the beginning of the first verse too. I am really wishing for an "out" chord somewhere to spice things up. Like the end of the prechorus could have had a Gm instead of a D in the second half. Something to break out of the I/iv/V/vi stuff sooner than in the bridge. The second verse feels to me like it could have benefited even more from making the first half a lot smaller, more intimate, more vulnerable to match the mood of the narrator. The 6/8 and the density of instruments/sounds gives it sort of a strident feel which doesn't really seem 100% in line with all the lyrics. Rough tale though. I hope it's not autobiographical? :/ It's a very good portrait of a specific kind of loss and sadness. I don't love the abrupt ending. This is another one where a fadeout actually seems to me like it could fit the song, due to the lack of resolution in the story. This is another one where the use of the title kinda sticks out awkwardly to me. You could have said the same thing in a way that blends in more but then you wouldn't have had the title in the song, but I'm ok with that, it would have made sense anyway I think.

Great job everybody!
User avatar
sleepysilverdoor
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1086
Joined: Wed Jun 30, 2010 11:02 pm
Instruments: Drums, Guitars, Keys
Recording Method: Focusrite + FL Studio
Submitting as: Phl*b*
Pronouns: bruh
Location: Not super far from Atlanta but definitely not Atlanta
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by sleepysilverdoor »

Lunkhead - thanks for the comments! There is indeed microtonality going on -- I used maqam bayati, which is basically D minor with a neutral 2nd and neutral 6th. I'm sure you're right in that I didn't totally nail it vocally every time -- it's hard to reliably hit those "in-between" notes, and my brain kept wanting to use the minor 6th instead of the slightly-higher neutral 6th. Plus my voice was pretty weak cause of COVID...so yeah, could have been stronger. As for the tie-in to the prompt, it's fairly obscure, but it's essentially a songified version of the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram, which summons the archangels and various Qabalistic invocations of the divine to banish malevolent entities in preparation for magical rituals. Access Denied indeed! Because what makes better lyrics that just invoking occult practices?

Mo - It's very specifically Arabic in nature -- in addition to maqam bayati, I used an adapted version of Nawari, which is a rhythm usually played on a darbuke and mostly associated with dabke. I don't personally own a darbuke so it's just played on my toms.
"There's a lot to be said about a full-on frontal assault on the ear drums" - Pigfarmer Jr.
User avatar
vowlvom
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1091
Joined: Wed May 17, 2017 3:29 am
Instruments: guitar, keys, "other"
Recording Method: PC, reaper, ableton
Submitting as: Vowl Sounds, Vom Vorton
Pronouns: he/him
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by vowlvom »

Sadly my song was 100% autobiographical. But thank you for the detailed reviews and I hope to be less sad at some point
User avatar
Lunkhead
You're No Good
Posts: 8104
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:14 pm
Instruments: many
Recording Method: cubase/mac/tascam4x4
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene, Merisan, Tiny Robots
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Berkeley, CA
Contact:

Re: sonofgearfight #2 "Access Denied"

Post by Lunkhead »

vowlvom wrote:
Sat Sep 18, 2021 1:08 pm
Sadly my song was 100% autobiographical. But thank you for the detailed reviews and I hope to be less sad at some point
Oof, sorry to hear that. :(
Post Reply