Letter to the Editor

[mholland]

Letter to the Editor - Night Sky

Oh Dean and his friends
They found the real problem
In America today
Sometimes you gotta hold your tongue
When them libs don’t wanna hear what you say
Whoa even white guys lack immunity
They’re bein’ shamed and shunned
Gettin’ canceled each day

In other news the red states
Are bannin’ books rewritin’ history
Don’t say gay the gov’nor says
Even Disney took some heat for that play
Voting rights turned into wrongs
Well I guess it’s all pretty much the same

Oh we can’t have no democracy
When whites gotta feel
The sting of CRT
All societies need misogyny
Well I hear that’s the natural order anyway
And transphobia’s the new frontier
Just ask my good ol’ friend JK

[Instrumental]
And bedbug Bret
I don’t remember asking you a goddamn thing!

[lichenthroat]

Letter to the Editor
Lichen Throat
(with unknowing contributions by Robert Plamondon & Margaret Shirley Collins)

Everyone remembers Tim,
Nobody remembers Jake,
And everyone remembers Kim.
From the little town by the lake.
They worked in a little house
On Williams Street,
Along with an occasional mouse,
With blue pencils on proof sheets.

One more letter to the editor,
To finish out the magazine.
An unpaid contributor,
Continued on page seventeen.

Making their opinions heard,
Way out on a limb,
The height of the absurd,
Gross, petty despotism.
How much does it hurt to fall?
What’s the difference ‘tween flaunt and flout?
Why was last issue so small?
Can the Learned Author help us out?

Dear Orcface:
You couldn’t resist, could you? Those little red scribbles on contributors’ manuscripts didn’t get you enough play, did they? You. had to try for the big time and savage someone in public, didn’t you?

One more letter to the editor,
To finish out the magazine.
An unpaid contributor,
Continued on page seventeen.

Until next month, aloha.

Hundreds of issues more,
But it was never the same.
It was okay with Roger E. Moore,
But later it was pretty lame.
The words upon the pages,
In Triumvirate and Baskerville,
Of sorcerers and sages,
Are written in my memory, still.

I find the dragons with which one must cope in the real world to be far more satisfying to slay than anything that can be invented in the artificial worlds of fantasy.

One more letter to the editor,
To finish out the magazine.
An unpaid contributor,
Continued on page seventeen.

[j$]

Letter to the Editor by Johnny Cashpoint

I sent an angry letter
To my paper's editor
Consisting of crude drawing
Of my genitalia

As a representation of my
Hatred of the media

Letter to the editor
Got me in hot water
I am now unfairly marked
As a sexual predator

Under house arrest
By order of the judges
Can't go buy the paper
To see if it got published.

[genecawley]

There you go again, thinking every single thing is about you
‘Cause you know that people you know with diseases can still be evil too

Who makes the rules about society’s laws
Who’s gonna tell me that I’ve gone too far

Letter to the editor says…

I never said I was the greatest thing to happen
I never said I was the greatest thing to happen
You never said I was the greatest thing to happen to you

[Paco Del Stinko]

Letter To The Editor - Paco del Stinko

I had something to say about the world today
So I wrote me a letter to the newspaper editor

Express your opinion or give a complaint
Suggest solutions to the problems that ain't
Say you love her or you hate her
Mail it in an envelope to the newspaper

I just had to grumble when the stock market tumbled
So I wrote the Gazette now I betcha that they never forget

You say it's old fashioned in an age of Twitters
I say all that bashing should go in the shitter
Give it some thought and break out your pen
Write it on paper and mail it on in

Some opinionator complained about the commuter trains
So I wrote a rebuttal and he got hit with my shovel

[Merle Fyshwick]

Letter to the Editor - The Magnetic Letters

Dear ABC News and Current Affairs
Longtime reader, first time writing to you
I must commend you you've found a man who knows
Everything about everything

War in Ukraine: expert
China/US relations: expert
The Taliban: expert
Palestine and Israel: he's the expert
Decline of religion: just ask him he's the expert

How can one brain retain so much knowledge?
He must have a lot of bookshelves in his garage

You might have guessed by now that I'm just being sarcastic
Ha ha semi-colon close bracket
I get the distinct feeling he just reads Wikipedia and copies from it
Next time Jimmy Wales is asking for money
I hope he digs deep, 'cause if they go under he will be screwed

His by-line's a sure sign that what's underneath will be poo
A high school-level essay about what he read in the news

Have I an axe to grind? Sure. Let me fill you in on the details
'92 in the oncology ward my little sister's turned orange 'cause her liver's failed
He and his crew come barging in
'Cause they want the sickest looking kid in the hospital or something

She really didn't need that
They were there for bloody ages, taking up space
Practising compassion while they powdered up his face

Now he's part of a strategic think-tank - what the fuck?
He's Ray Martin with a better haircut

[Pigfarmer Jr]

Letter To The Editor
Pigfarmer Jr

I wrote a letter to the editor
About the parking meters
I understand the reasoning
But we could do it cheaper

I wrote a letter to the editor
About our shitty streets
'Cause now the fucking two-faced cunts
They want to be cheap

Those dumb-shit fucking assholes
They don't care about us
Those stupid motherfuckers
They don't give a damn
They don't give a damn
They don't give a damn about us

I wrote a letter to the editor
But they refused to print it
They say they don't print filthy words
But I've been pushed to the limit

Those dumb-shit fucking assholes
They don't care about us
Those stupid motherfuckers
They don't give a damn
They don't give a damn
They don't give a damn about us

[Toby Roktot]

Letter to the Editor
by Toby Roktot

V1
In my letter to the editor
I’m gonna write the paper
gonna tell’em that they gotta
Stop printin’ I’m a wanker

The stories that they write
Don’t get the story straight
And I lie awake at night
Wonderin’ why you hate….

Ch….
What’d I do to piss you off.
Just an old punk rocker from the past
You think the pen is mightier than the sword
Think again….as I kick your ass

V2
I never killed a cat
I never kicked a dog
With a giggle and a laugh
I fancy kissin’ a frog

Why you write
The awful things you do
When you know
not one line of it is true

Ch…

Bridge
Gonna find a law dog
Gonna make you pay
You’re gonna be accountable
For all the things you say……
I’ll bring you down
Before I’m through
You’ll be drowning
In all the shit we throw on you

Ch…..V1…..

[Geoff WreckdoM]

Letter to the Editor
by WreckdoM

Don't wanna hear about em dropping bombs
Don't wanna hear about a deadly virus
Don't wanna hear about angry mobs
Stock markets or oil prices
and I don't like you at all
I don't like you at all
I don't like you at all
I think you're an asshole
Here's a letter to the editor: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
Here's a letter to the editor: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!

Don't tell me bout conspiracy theories
Can't bear another mass shooting
I don't give a shit what somebody tweets
Or the tormented lives of celebrities
and You give me the creeps
You give me the creeps
You give me the creeps
I think you're a dickweed

Don't wanna lose heroes I admire
Or for there to be anymore wildfires
Don't wanna see any fatal collisions
Or shipping crates with people in them
You just piss me off
You just piss me off
You just piss me off
I think you're a fart face
Here's a letter to the editor: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
Here's a letter to the editor: FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!
FUCK OFF! MOTHERFUCKER! I got a whole ass you can kiss.

[Lunkhead]

"Letter to the Editor"
By Berkeley Social Scene

(a song about someone having a parasocial relationship with the editor of their town newspaper)

I read the headlines
New ones every day
Pieces of a puzzle
Made to separate
A paper curtain
You’re the man behind
You choose the stories
But what is your design?

You control the messages
I’m eager to receive
I wanna send a signal back
Tell you what I believe

I’ll pour my heart out
On the page
Red, black, and white
All over
A letter to
The editor
Now I am yours
Forever

I wait for my byline
Hours days and weeks
To fill in the picture
Making me complete
Falling and calling
To stand in front of you
You know you've been chosen
Now what will you do?

You control the messages
I’m eager to receive
I wanna send a signal back
Tell you what I believe

I’ll pour my heart out
On the page
Red, black, and white
All over
A letter to
The editor
Now I am yours
Forever

(bridge and solo)

I’ll pour my heart out
On the page
Red, black, and white
All over
A letter to
The editor
Now I am yours
Forever

I’ll pour my heart out
On the page
Red, black, and white
All over
A letter to
The editor
Now I am yours
Forever

[Gil Sans]

Letter to the Editor
(J. Bennett)

Obituary portraits defaced with a ball-point pen.
Crossword puzzle left unfinished again.

I wrote to the editor. I copied the rest of the staff.
I told him he's a dick-head.
I told him I would kick his ass.

Ink in the water.... looks like a fancy dress.
Ink on my elbows. I'm always such a stupid mess.

Oh no. No one's gonna call my bluff.
Oh no. No one's gonna print my stuff.