Nur Ein XVII Round Four "June Moon"

There can be only one.
User avatar
Niveous
Beat It
Posts: 7177
Joined: Mon Sep 27, 2004 6:45 am
Instruments: vocals, songwriting, guitar
Submitting as: Lucky Witch and the Righteous Ghost
Pronouns: He/him
Location: Staten Island, NY
Contact:

Nur Ein XVII Round Four "June Moon"

Post by Niveous »

Over the half way mark!

Submit an original song by June 19th at 11:59 PM (EDT) that fits the following criteria

Title: "June Moon"
Non-optional challenge: Lyrics must contain no rhyming couplets and no perfect end rhymes.

Send your MP3 to nurein.sidefight@gmail.com

Good luck!
"I'd like to see 1984 redubbed with this in the soundtrack."- Furrypedro.
NUR EIN!
X-Tokyo
Lucky Witch and the Righteous Ghost
noma
Mean Street
Posts: 520
Joined: Fri May 02, 2014 12:59 am
Instruments: Guitar, programming, various other stuff
Recording Method: Audacity
Submitting as: Nick Soma

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by noma »

No end rhymes means only the end of a line, right? So there could be internal rhymes all over the place as long as the end doesn't rhyme? Because I was wondering if this means, strictly speaking, that the title must not be mentioned in the lyrics since it rhymes. I guess not.
User avatar
gizo
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 498
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:42 pm
Instruments: i am mostly playing stringed ones, but I'll have a tilt at most
Recording Method: my method is to throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. My wall is made of Logic on an old iMac
Submitting as: gizo : rackwagon (with Toshiro) : Late Heavy Bombardment : Stacking Theory
Pronouns: he/him
Location: I wish I was at an ocean beach

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by gizo »

noma wrote:
Mon Jun 13, 2022 3:24 am
No end rhymes means only the end of a line, right? So there could be internal rhymes all over the place as long as the end doesn't rhyme? Because I was wondering if this means, strictly speaking, that the title must not be mentioned in the lyrics since it rhymes. I guess not.
Yeah that’s how I read it - and it’s only PERFECT rhymes that are prohibited.

So you could have ‘sky/behind’ or ‘laughter/after’ or ‘queen/machine’ end of line rhymes (as long as they’re not a couplet), but not ‘daughter/slaughter’
.sig
User avatar
gizo
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 498
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:42 pm
Instruments: i am mostly playing stringed ones, but I'll have a tilt at most
Recording Method: my method is to throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. My wall is made of Logic on an old iMac
Submitting as: gizo : rackwagon (with Toshiro) : Late Heavy Bombardment : Stacking Theory
Pronouns: he/him
Location: I wish I was at an ocean beach

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by gizo »

Actually, ‘laughter/after’ might not be allowed.
.sig
User avatar
gizo
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 498
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:42 pm
Instruments: i am mostly playing stringed ones, but I'll have a tilt at most
Recording Method: my method is to throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. My wall is made of Logic on an old iMac
Submitting as: gizo : rackwagon (with Toshiro) : Late Heavy Bombardment : Stacking Theory
Pronouns: he/him
Location: I wish I was at an ocean beach

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by gizo »

What about repetition, judges?

Is repetition a perfect rhyme?

(Obviously I’m still avoiding couplets)
.sig
User avatar
BoffoYux
Panama
Posts: 908
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:22 pm
Instruments: Keys, Clunking, SFX and Strings
Recording Method: Audacity, Adobe, and other 'A' titled software
Submitting as: Boffo Yux Dudes
Location: New England
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by BoffoYux »

I don’t think a word can rhyme with itself. Unless it’s a homonym, but then it wouldn’t be the same word, just sound the same.
However, a song full of homonyms but the lyric sheet has the same spelling for the word? Might be a grey area.
Cybronica
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 314
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 2:38 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Bass
Recording Method: sm7b, Scarlett 8i6, Logic Pro
Submitting as: Mandibles, Cybronica
Pronouns: she/they

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by Cybronica »

gizo wrote:
Mon Jun 13, 2022 3:57 am
So you could have ‘sky/behind’ or ‘laughter/after’ or ‘queen/machine’ end of line rhymes (as long as they’re not a couplet), but not ‘daughter/slaughter’
From this list, I would only count sky/behind as a slant rhyme. ‘laughter/after’ or ‘queen/machine’ are both phonetically identical, so they have perfect rhymes, whereas ‘rain/again’ don’t rhyme at all, despite being spelled the same. Can we get a ruling on this point? I would think the kinds of imperfect rhymes that are allowed are things like ‘dream/seen’ or ‘bloke/float.’
“It's like opera for toddlers or something.” -furrypedro
User avatar
gizo
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 498
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:42 pm
Instruments: i am mostly playing stringed ones, but I'll have a tilt at most
Recording Method: my method is to throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. My wall is made of Logic on an old iMac
Submitting as: gizo : rackwagon (with Toshiro) : Late Heavy Bombardment : Stacking Theory
Pronouns: he/him
Location: I wish I was at an ocean beach

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by gizo »

Cybronica wrote:
Tue Jun 14, 2022 7:43 am
gizo wrote:
Mon Jun 13, 2022 3:57 am
So you could have ‘sky/behind’ or ‘laughter/after’ or ‘queen/machine’ end of line rhymes (as long as they’re not a couplet), but not ‘daughter/slaughter’
From this list, I would only count sky/behind as a slant rhyme. ‘laughter/after’ or ‘queen/machine’ are both phonetically identical, so they have perfect rhymes, whereas ‘rain/again’ don’t rhyme at all, despite being spelled the same. Can we get a ruling on this point? I would think the kinds of imperfect rhymes that are allowed are things like ‘dream/seen’ or ‘bloke/float.’
Thank you - that is a very good correction and I feel like a bit of a silly for being so obviously wrong! <furiously scraps plans for a Queen Machine>
.sig
User avatar
furrypedro
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 12:06 pm
Instruments: Guitar, programming
Recording Method: Cubase, Reason
Submitting as: Balance Lost
Location: Kyoto
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by furrypedro »

I'm not usually one to go hard on the rules for challenges, but I would say that I don't really want to hear people doing all they can to squeeze rhymes in while circumventing the wording of the challenge. I'm sure you'll all do it in good faith, and if you can write a great song which has zero rhymes you'll score points with me.

Edit: I will almost certainly mark you down for repeating, unless somehow it sounds awesome (but chances are I won't think that even if you do :D ).
User avatar
gizo
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 498
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:42 pm
Instruments: i am mostly playing stringed ones, but I'll have a tilt at most
Recording Method: my method is to throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. My wall is made of Logic on an old iMac
Submitting as: gizo : rackwagon (with Toshiro) : Late Heavy Bombardment : Stacking Theory
Pronouns: he/him
Location: I wish I was at an ocean beach

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by gizo »

furrypedro wrote:
Tue Jun 14, 2022 6:10 pm
Edit: I will almost certainly mark you down for repeating, unless somehow it sounds awesome (but chances are I won't think that even if you do :D ).
Well bugger - I just re-read my lyrics and looked at the whole song (instead of just looking at a single verse at a time) and I realised that the first two lines of each verse repeat the same last words.

Whoops!

That's going to be a pain to unpick :(

(but hey - grateful that we've had this discussion and I've noticed it now, rather than when the judging begins!)
.sig
User avatar
furrypedro
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mon Nov 07, 2005 12:06 pm
Instruments: Guitar, programming
Recording Method: Cubase, Reason
Submitting as: Balance Lost
Location: Kyoto
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by furrypedro »

gizo wrote:
Tue Jun 14, 2022 10:08 pm
Well bugger - I just re-read my lyrics and looked at the whole song (instead of just looking at a single verse at a time) and I realised that the first two lines of each verse repeat the same last words.

Whoops!

That's going to be a pain to unpick :(
Just ask yourself critically, does it actually sound good and not just a bit weak and rubbish, and if you genuinely think it's a good lyric then you might just get away with it.

I can't promise anything until I hear it, but I do err towards a good song trumping a challenge fail.
User avatar
crumpart
Ice Cream Man
Posts: 1123
Joined: Wed Aug 07, 2019 8:04 am
Instruments: Fuzz
Submitting as: Hot Pink Halo
Pronouns: She/her
Location: Laois, Ireland
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by crumpart »

Cybronica wrote:
Tue Jun 14, 2022 7:43 am
gizo wrote:
Mon Jun 13, 2022 3:57 am
So you could have ‘sky/behind’ or ‘laughter/after’ or ‘queen/machine’ end of line rhymes (as long as they’re not a couplet), but not ‘daughter/slaughter’
From this list, I would only count sky/behind as a slant rhyme. ‘laughter/after’ or ‘queen/machine’ are both phonetically identical, so they have perfect rhymes, whereas ‘rain/again’ don’t rhyme at all, despite being spelled the same. Can we get a ruling on this point? I would think the kinds of imperfect rhymes that are allowed are things like ‘dream/seen’ or ‘bloke/float.’
This also depends on accent as well. My Australian pronunciation of “again” is chameleon like depending on the context/emphasis of the sentence, and often rhymes with rain.

(See the song ‘Pasta’ by Angie McMahon; the comments on YouTube are full of people shocked that she managed to rhyme “pasta” with “faster”, but in reality that’s just how we say those words with our accent.)
Devil’s got me Lindt! Devil’s got me Lindt!
User avatar
BoffoYux
Panama
Posts: 908
Joined: Tue Jan 11, 2011 9:22 pm
Instruments: Keys, Clunking, SFX and Strings
Recording Method: Audacity, Adobe, and other 'A' titled software
Submitting as: Boffo Yux Dudes
Location: New England
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by BoffoYux »

crumpart wrote:
Wed Jun 15, 2022 1:38 am
(See the song ‘Pasta’ by Angie McMahon; the comments on YouTube are full of people shocked that she managed to rhyme “pasta” with “faster”, but in reality that’s just how we say those words with our accent.)
Mark Humble once did my favorite rhyme in a song.

'So finish up that slice of pizza
I’ll school you in the ways of Nietzsche'

I had to do a doubletake that it sounded so smooth. Must have been the Brooklyn accent.

https://spintown.bandcamp.com/track/im- ... abe-shadow
Cybronica
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 314
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 2:38 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Bass
Recording Method: sm7b, Scarlett 8i6, Logic Pro
Submitting as: Mandibles, Cybronica
Pronouns: she/they

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by Cybronica »

gizo wrote:
Tue Jun 14, 2022 10:08 pm

Well bugger - I just re-read my lyrics and looked at the whole song (instead of just looking at a single verse at a time) and I realised that the first two lines of each verse repeat the same last words.
But that could be done for poetic emphasis! I do stuff like that all the time - would hate for you to scrap a decent lyric when you could definitely justify it.
“It's like opera for toddlers or something.” -furrypedro
Cybronica
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 314
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 2:38 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Bass
Recording Method: sm7b, Scarlett 8i6, Logic Pro
Submitting as: Mandibles, Cybronica
Pronouns: she/they

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by Cybronica »

crumpart wrote:
Wed Jun 15, 2022 1:38 am
This also depends on accent as well. My Australian pronunciation of “again” is chameleon like depending on the context/emphasis of the sentence, and often rhymes with rain.
This is a good point! I suppose a less American-centric way to put it is I would classify the rhymes phonetically, not visually. But we’re just doing a shadow, so my input is purely hypothetical!
“It's like opera for toddlers or something.” -furrypedro
User avatar
Lunkhead
You're No Good
Posts: 8104
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:14 pm
Instruments: many
Recording Method: cubase/mac/tascam4x4
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene, Merisan, Tiny Robots
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Berkeley, CA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by Lunkhead »

Rhymes within a line are ok, right, like, including the title "June Moon" within a line?

And re: repetition, can we use the same lyrics for every chorus? Or are we expected to not repeat _any_ lines or anything _ever_...?
User avatar
sailingmagpie
Ain't Talkin' 'Bout Love
Posts: 48
Joined: Wed May 06, 2020 12:48 pm
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Keys
Recording Method: Reaper
Submitting as: The Serviettes, chewmeupspitmeout
Pronouns: He/him

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by sailingmagpie »

Internal rhymes are fine in my book and I definitely think you can repeat sections etc as I'm way more interested in hearing cool songs than pouring over lyrics hunting for a word that rhymes with a line two verses ago! :D
User avatar
glennny
Jump
Posts: 2196
Joined: Sat Mar 04, 2006 2:39 am
Instruments: Guitar, Bass, Mandolin, Dobro, Banjo, E-Bow, Glock
Recording Method: Garageband
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene
Location: Castro Valley, California

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by glennny »

no matter what you hear onomatopoeia
In a British accent, this rhymes just fine. An American accent with a slight Utah drawl, hear, and ...poeia are nowhere near each other.
Phillipso, Older Brothers, Semolina Pilchards, Zipline , Thank Glennny for the Frisbee, The Odoriferous Valley, The Worldly Self Assurance, Berkeley Social Scene, Very Gentle Knives, Daddy Bop Swing Set, GUNS, The Kraken Lives, Cavedwellers
User avatar
gizo
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 498
Joined: Sun Sep 17, 2006 11:42 pm
Instruments: i am mostly playing stringed ones, but I'll have a tilt at most
Recording Method: my method is to throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks. My wall is made of Logic on an old iMac
Submitting as: gizo : rackwagon (with Toshiro) : Late Heavy Bombardment : Stacking Theory
Pronouns: he/him
Location: I wish I was at an ocean beach

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by gizo »

Lunkhead wrote:
Thu Jun 16, 2022 9:00 am
And re: repetition, can we use the same lyrics for every chorus? Or are we expected to not repeat _any_ lines or anything _ever_...?
Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit.... 💀💀💀
.sig
User avatar
grumpymike
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 418
Joined: Sun Apr 17, 2016 3:12 pm
Instruments: Rage and curmudgeonry
Recording Method: Zero-turn lawnmower
Submitting as: Grumpy Mike

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by grumpymike »

Alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright alright
Cybronica
Push Comes to Shove
Posts: 314
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 2:38 pm
Instruments: Vocals, Bass
Recording Method: sm7b, Scarlett 8i6, Logic Pro
Submitting as: Mandibles, Cybronica
Pronouns: she/they

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by Cybronica »

FINALLY finished the mandibles lyric…. This was probably the most difficult lyric I’ve ever done and it’s just a shadow! Probably didn’t help that I decided to add perfect rhymes at the start of the next line… At least we have a whole ~24 hours to record and mix the durn thing! :lol:
“It's like opera for toddlers or something.” -furrypedro
User avatar
Lunkhead
You're No Good
Posts: 8104
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2004 12:14 pm
Instruments: many
Recording Method: cubase/mac/tascam4x4
Submitting as: Berkeley Social Scene, Merisan, Tiny Robots
Pronouns: he/him
Location: Berkeley, CA
Contact:

Re: Nur Ein XVII: Round Four "June Moon"

Post by Lunkhead »

I said it in my lyrics post but I want to say here for extra visibility that my song is NOT about a person.
Post Reply