Pitching Whore's Shoes (Hooker Pumps Reviews)

Albatross · Post by **Albatross** » Mon Aug 01, 2005 11:27 am

Let's see how many ringers we get this week.

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Tue Aug 02, 2005 9:40 pm

I'm in this week... thats if my entry got through in time. I have been having problems woth my mail now and again.

Just a heads up, my song is short, but is let down by the fact I wrote and recorded it in half an hour.

j$ · Post by j$ » Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:21 am

A six minute fight, a six minute review.

Donut Disturb - this lyric is great. Cute. Novelty. But good. I wish the spoken part was rapped but other than that

Phunt Caravan Ray - Well, I knew who it was within 3 seconds - so I guess that's good. Hmmm, no, 'fraid not. Nice wagon-train melody on the sung part but other than that a lot of sound and fury .....

Sausage Boy - nice bass - I don't really like harmonicas so you're on a loser there ... felt it was just building towards something good and then it stopped .....

Wreckdom - Yup.

I guess I'll vote for Donut Disturb. I would have liked to hear someone other than the 'wack division' of songfight having a go at this title.

Great cover art

Donut Disturb · Post by **Donut Disturb** » Thu Aug 04, 2005 11:38 am

Donut Disturb
I'm pretty happy with the mix clarity, lyrics and stereo-mic'd guitars. Then again, I'm supposed to be.

Punt Caravan Ray
++ Learning lots of rugby terms
++ Unusual instrumentation
++ Nice melody once it gets going (0:32)
-- Some of the lead vocals, and sample vocals feel strong and irritating. Might be your vocal style, or relative volume, or mic choice.
-- Also not a huge fan of the scratching/hissing noise which is prevalent in the beginning.

Sausage Boy
// Lyrically the most serious attempt in this fight, but that's not saying much
-- Lacking variety in instrumentation. Not many instruments there, and what's there is too predictable.

WreckdoM
// Interesting lyrics, but painful to discern. Consider throwing'em on the lyric thread
++ Computer voice
-- Huge delay on pitched-up vocals
-- Lots of stuff going on, but most of it feels panned to the center. Spread it out maybe?
// SURPRISE!

WeaselSlayer · Post by **WeaselSlayer** » Thu Aug 04, 2005 2:59 pm

WreckdoM - Holy shit! You are doom, I love it.

Phunt Caravan Ray - Well, I'm jealous that you're now collab sluts giving it up to anyone with a nice smile, but this is really fucking good. And cohesive as opposed to abrasive. And basically I just like this a very lot.

Donut Disturb - I'm not in very good spirits, so I can't really laugh right now. Sorry. But I like the music alright. Ouch, your last line really stuck it where it counts. Bastards!

Sausage Boy - March of the Ween.

The Brittish · Post by **The Brittish** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 2:07 pm

My first review in all the universe. Yay.

Donut Disturb:
If there were ever an actual hooker pump, I'm 99.9% sure this would be the jingle for it. It's catchy, and I like the "and neither is your relationship with women" bit. Lots of exciting double entendre, so maybe this would only be the jingle on adult stations. They'd probably get a quasi-indie band to do the commercial on normal TV. Probably Kings of Leon, although they're pretty accustomed to innuendo-filled songs, too, so maybe they'd just have to edit yours. Oh, well.

Phunt Caravan Ray:
I can't give an unbiased review, so I won't. Give a review, that is.

Sausage Boy:
Not bad, although I think you should find a priest before the next fight. Being possessed by evil demons is probably no fun. Exceptionally dirty, which is to be expected with the title. I think that if a movie needed a song for a really raunchy sex scene, this one might suffice, particularly if they stipulated that the song could only have three instruments more or less repeating themselves and that one of them had to be a big frickin' bass drum. It's cool, but if it had gone 10 seconds longer I would have gone insane.

Wreckdom:
I take back what I said about being possessed by evil demons. It sounds like a hoot. Plenty dirty, of course. If I were the hooker-frequenting type, I think I would avoid the one singing this. This is pretty darn catchy. The music is fairly benign compared to the vocals, but there's some menace/insanity hidden in them, I think. You're the only ones who went with the perhaps more conventional interpretation of hooker pump, so that was fun.

This wasn't so much a review as a little bit of commentary, but maybe I'll get better as time goes on. Or not.

EightLeggedOedipus · Post by **EightLeggedOedipus** » Fri Aug 05, 2005 5:28 pm

Ah, It's good to see a fight like this again!

Donut
+++ Good beat, with that melodica sound? +++
--- The singing part is not to my tastes. Not a bad thing, I mean, Green Day won a grammy for Good Riddance, right? ---
/// Lyrics are strange, and silly, but it sounds like they were MEANT to be funnier than they actully are. ///

Phunt Your Caravan
+++ I like the intro. Creepy. I'm glad that Caravan's singalong comes in when it does +++
--- Although the mix still leaves alot to be desired. ---
/// I think this is a very promising pairing, but a disappoitning result on the first effort. I hope you guys continue, and get to know each other a little better. ///

Sausage Boy
--- The harmonica is too far behind the beat. Beginning is too slow, lyrics drag. Oh and that's the end of it? ---

Wreckdom
+++ Welcome back. I love the higher voice! It's like a wicked little kid or a ghetto crack ho with a lisp. +++
--- The production is still too loose, or maybe the vocal takes are too loose. Anyway, the whole rhythm is not tight. ---

Hmmm, a tough call for only four entries. I think I'm voting Wreckdom, although the Phuntray is almost vaporizing my forcefield...

stueym · Post by **stueym** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 11:20 am

Sausage Boy – Short, rhythmic, repetitive but at least clear lyrics. Not much to get me excited though.

WreckdoM – LOL….not sure I ever want to bump into this lady/dude and her pumps…One of those scary types that staggers towards your car when you stop at the lights in a bad part of town. Well done for what it is, if a little noisy. “No body needs to know”

Donut Disturb – How rude LOL. Spoken vocal made me think of Bloodhound Gangs “A lap dance..”. Weird advert that I expect to see one evening on Spike TV! Good job but not moving me.

Phunt Caravan Ray – Ah happy memories of ‘binding’ and feeling the rough caress of a 2nd row’s finers on your scrotum. Noisy beginning which doesn’t appeal to me. Clever lyrics. Kinda short so not really a song for me.

Well if it has to be anyone this week I guess WreckdoM takes it.

Caravan Ray · Post by **Caravan Ray** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 3:08 pm

Sausage Boy – I like the harmonica. Vocals sound a bit funny. But overall this is pretty good

WreckdoM – Welcome back! Vocals are a little too abrasive – but I like the lyrics, and the guitar and hand-claps are cool. Well done

Donut Disturb – Not bad – but I’m not really into the comedy routine type thing

Phunt Caravan Ray – My music and lyrics are like children to me. So collaborating with Phunt is like sending them over to Michael Jackson’s house for a sleepover. Impressed with you effort in adding the Rugby League touches. Especially that bit about Sonny Bill Williams’ testicles during the ‘hooker pump’ bit. Overall, not as bad as I expected and better than it deserved to be!
(BTW: I don’t know if you realised this – but adding commentary from a Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs game was quite an inspired move given the title. In recent years, the Doggies have become renowned for some fairly dodgy and morally dubious “team bonding” sessions. And ‘Big Willie’ Mason, one of the players mentioned in the song, always seems to be in the thick of it)

Hard to pick here. All 4 of these could go on to be international number-one mega-hits! It’s like Coldplay, Matchbox 20, Creed and Norah Jones have put in entries under false names!
I think I’ll vote for Sausage Boy because I liked the harmonica. And I like sausages.

Mogosagatai · Post by **Mogosagatai** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 4:00 pm

Caravan Ray wrote:My music and lyrics are like children to me. So collaborating with Phunt is like sending them over to Michael Jackson’s house for a sleepover.

Egg lives on a vineyard; how could he not give them wine? And then have his way with them...

his dirty, dirty way...

WeaselSlayer · Post by **WeaselSlayer** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 4:38 pm

Nick · Post by **Nick** » Sat Aug 06, 2005 4:43 pm

Phunt caravan:
Interesting and creative but not really my thing.
4/10

Sausage boy:
I like this, it’s strangely soothing despite being so odd.
6/10

Wreckdom:
I rather liked your entry last week but this isn’t as good, Too noisy or something. I do like the scratching and the funk guitar in the background.
4/10

Donut disturb:
The winner. It’s awesome, and fucking hilarious. It seems to lose it’s pulse at 0:20 when the feel changes but settles back in. Very original.
8/10

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Sun Aug 07, 2005 10:23 pm

Caravan Ray: First time I have listened to Caravan Ray. Residents + Aphex Twin? No, wait, early early TISM. I quite like it when it picks up.

Donut Disturb: Interesting. I honestly don't know what to say. Its ok, you know, its there.

Wreckdom: Good ol Wreckdom. one of the bands that easily writes the most catchy chorus'. Cool shit.

Sausage Boy: Dear me. Appalling, appalling stuff. Ok, the idea behind the song is as much what is not there as what is there, which is, I know, a lame excuse, but its true. I is supposed to mimic picking up a hooker, in that, it seems like a good thing to begin with, but just ends up not what you wante. And the harmonica? Pffw, i figured why not!?

Vote goes to Wreckdom.

Thornberry · Post by **Thornberry** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 1:26 am

Donut Disturb- K so we got some southern like talkin, advertising it. Ok got the concept, lets see how you do. Good harmonies. I think they idea was like a radio commericial or something, and if that is the case, very well done. Actually kinda catchy.

Phunt Caravan Ray- Ah, scary. Those electirc sounds were weird in the begiinning, like a shock. This whole thing is odd, which is of course what you were going for. I just dont like it much.

Sausage Boy- Very realistic coughs. Like the harmonica. Dont like the vocals. Another short song, I guess Hooker Pumps scream short and weird doesnt it? This is kinda boring.

WreckdoM- And the trend continues. You are lookin pretty good in them hooker pumps i will say. I guess i liked the high pitched, delayed vocal thing along it. Thats a very neat idea.

OK this was not my kinda fight at all, really not my favorite at all, although for the msot part well done, just nothing that catered particularly to me.

tonetripper · Post by **tonetripper** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:08 pm

Donut Disturb - I love the singing portion of this tune. Sounds like an infomercial. Funny stuff.

Phunt Caravan Ray - Great sonic moments. Sounds like Gunsmoke on Acid. Kind of cool. Just not sure of the title.

Sausage Boy - Throbbing harmonica is cool. The disonance of the beating bass is kind of cool in the sense of getting it on. Nice. The hooker pumps is just funny to end on. The ending was a little abrupt in the fade out department.

Wreckdom - Venus in the Penis is the funniest thing I've heard on Songfight. I have a hard on for Wreckdom in Hooker pumps. Hahahahaha......

So this was the comic fight. Wreckdom wins for making me laugh so frigging hard. That pitch-shifted vocals just slay me.

sausage boy · Post by **sausage boy** » Mon Aug 08, 2005 6:40 pm

tonetripper wrote:The ending was a little abrupt in the fade out department.

I just couldn't be bothered setting up a longer fade.