If I Were Italian

[Denyer]

If I were Italian I would eat garlic bread
Garlic bread, garlic bread, garlic garlic garlic bread
If I were Italian I would eat garlic bread
And I would have a meatball for a head

If I were Italian I would be Tony Soprano
And eat so much spaghetti that I'd look like Marlon Brando
Maybe I'd be a plumber and I'd call myself Mario
I'd have a son named Carlo and another named Antonio
I would speak to my wife in Italian in public
People won't understand and think we're having an arguement
But I'll only be nice and we'll talk about the weather
Weather or not I'm going to kill someone because I'm a gangster

If I were Italian I would eat garlic bread
Garlic bread, garlic bread, garlic garlic garlic bread
If I were Italian I would eat garlic bread
And I would have a meatball for a head

If I were Italian I would eat so much garlic bread
That if I tried to make out with a vampire, she'd be dead
And I'd live in a room on top of a pizza shop
So I can get my pizzas while they're still very hot
When I want to take a bath I'll go to a fish and chip shop
So I can get my daily grease requirement and piss off
Back to my house, I wouldn't let my wife out
Because I don't trust her not to have sex with someone else

If I were Italian I would eat garlic bread
Garlic bread, garlic bread, garlic garlic garlic bread
If I were Italian I would eat garlic bread
And I would have a meatball for a head

[rone rivendale]

Omg it's Rone Rivendale
------------------------------------

It starts with the flap of your lips
The way you put your hands on your hips
But it's gonna end with a deafining blow
A gunshot wound from your chest will grow
You've been owned in the worst possible way
You made a mistake you won't see another day

If I were Italian
You'd be dead but I'm not so I won't
If I were Italian
You wouldn't be talking all that smack
If I were Italian
I'd be a walking sterotype

You push me around every single day
I wish I had the power to blow you away
Or hire somebody to take you life
Blood running from your throat off his knife
Of course I can't do that but I dream
Of every single way I could make you scream

If I were Italian
You'd be dead but I'm not so I won't
If I were Italian
You wouldn't be talking all that smack
If I were Italian
I'd be a walking sterotype

This bullying has to stop now man
I've taken every bit that I can
If you don't lay off this crap
I may go Italian and start droppin caps

If I were Italian I would be a walking sterotype and I'd take out everyone who wronged me
I would take out every girl who ever rejected me, every guy who ever pushed me around
Every person who ever beat me in an online game would wish they were never born
And every family member who ever looked down on me like I was beneath them

Say hello to my little friend!

[Steve Durand]

If I Were Italian

By Steve Durand


I'm just a dude from California
There's nothing special about me
Just to be clear I gotta warn ya
My life is about as dull as can be

I need a way to escape
The boredom that I've felt
My problem would be solved
If I could be somebody else

If I were Italian
I would have a cool name like Antonio
I'd drink espresso all day long
I could live in Venice and ride around in a gondola boat
I could travel to Rome and visit with the pope

These days when I want excitement
I go with my firends down to the mall
We hang out at the game arcade
But I gotta think this can't be all

Sometimes reality
Doesn't live up to the hype
But I wouldn't feel so bad
If I had a different life

If I were German
I'd have a cool name like Gunther
I could go on the autobahn and drive 100 MPH
Or I could take the train and I'd always be on time
I'd put my towel out early so I could always have my place in the sun

I'd like a life with some adventure
I'm so bored I could go insane
Not to be coy but, did I mention
Things around here are so mundane

I'm afraid the real world
Is far too plain for me
I'd like to break out of this rut
And live a life of fantasy

If I were an alien
I'd have a cool name like Zork
I would abduct humans and perform experiments on them
I would make puzzling geometric figures in crop fields
I would have a space ship that could travel at the speed of light
That would be cool

But I'm just a dude from California
And that's all I'm ever gonna be

[feldspar]

If I Were Italian
Feldspar

If I were Italian food
I'd be calamari
or would that be too foreign for you?

If I were an Italian guy
I'd be Super Mario
and I'd jump over turtles to get back home to you

If I were Italian shoes
I'd be made of leather
and I'd fit on your feet so well

If we spoke Italian
then you could call me 'dolce'
and I could call you bella

If I could be Caesar or the emperor of Rome
I don't know who I would be
or if you and I could make a little home
on the shore of Sicily
that would be nice

If I were Italian juice
I'd be sangiovese
that goes so well with your veal

If I were Italian cheese
I'd be mozzarella
and I would go with any meal

[HeuristicsInc]

"If I Were Italian" by Heuristics Inc. & Siena
---
[American:]
I knew it was love at first sight
The first time that I saw
A picture of this girl
But there was one small flaw

She's half a world away
Living in Italy
Our friend would introduce us
If it weren't for this split in geography

[American chorus:]
If I were Italian
We would live much nearer
If I were italian
My future would be clearer

I could write her an email
But i don't speak her language
Babelfish could translate it
But all I'd get is gibberish

[Italian:]
Voglio parlare questa lingua
La potrei imparare? [Would I be able to learn it?]
Ma la mia lingua e' bella [But my language is beautiful]
Gli diro' di amore

[Italian chorus:]
Se fossi americana [If I were American]
Potrei parlare inglese
Se fossi americana [If I were American]
Avremmo un paese [We would have one country]

Il mare e' cosi' largo [The ocean is so wide]
Un aereo e' troppo caro [A plane is too expensive]
Le mie idee, sono pazze [My ideas, they're crazy]
Ho solo questa foto! [I only have this photo!]

[DeanSky]

Dean Sky Lyrics:

http://deansky.com/shorts/IfIWereItalian.html

---

[Thanks For The Frisbee]

I deliver bad news with a smile
Not because I’m happy but so uncomfortable

I quiver at your wrinkled eyes
Not because I’m scared but I’m so predictable


if I were Italian
In the mob or some stereotype
Would I win your trust
being so big and so tough

If I were a caveman
Making fire
Would you warm your
ugly bones with me while the sun expires

I know my lonely ode gets tired