APPLESEPPUKKAKKE (Applesauce Baptism Reviews)

[blue]

utaku?

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Niiiiiiiiiiice

[blue]

soooooooooo wrong, i know. now get your camera and your girlfriend and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Man, you'd have to be my Cyrano for that. Heh. And then I'd be single again in any case. Or I'd have to figure out how to launder rubber sheets.

Anyone else have the chorus to Bolio's "Honeymoon in Polynesia" stuck in their head now?

[Treachjuris]

Or I'd have to figure out how to launder rubber sheets.

Warm, soapy water, rinse off, hang to dry, after a short period (if it's a fitted bottom sheet or article of clothing) turn inside out.

After drying thoroughly, apply talc to prevent the rubber from sticking to itself, and store at room temperature.

*please take care to use only silicone-based lubricants or polishes, as mineral-oil based lubes will cause the rapid deterioration of rubber, latex and vinyl...

[Niveous]

Is it wrong that my heart skipped a beat reading that.

[Freudian Slip]

Is it wrong that my heart skipped a beat reading that.

Heh... Probably. Though I'm quite sure you already knew that. 8)

Me-- I was just getting off on all the dirty laundry...

(...Warm, soapy water, rinse off, hang to dry...Oooooooooh...talc...)

[Treachjuris]

DISCLAIMER: Graded based upon comparison with other artists of the same genre. Graded for what it is, my friends…

A+ Beefy
LOVE the “doot-dee-dootsâ€

[Damien Verrett (Jonas)]

Sweet jesus, awesome cover art.

[Kill Me Sarah]

I just wanted to say that Special Relatives and Stubby did some really beautiful work this week. Kudos.

Also, here's the artwork you would have seen if Bortwein weren't so awesome

[HeuristicsInc]

kms: you should investigate how to warp the text so that it takes the shape of the jar - this would help the realism of the picture a lot.
the gimp can do it.
-bill

[furrypedro]

I thought most of these were really strong. really good fight in terms of quality and variety - I wish I could vote for loads of people

BeWells: The acoustic guitar is providing a good foundation in this song, and some of the little flourishes are really nice. The electric guitar sounds good to begin with but it just noodles throughout the track; I would've like to hear it develop or build in some way, maybe start really sparse and then layer up or something. The song itself is pretty good but I feel like the singing needs to go up a notch in the chorus because all the sections blend into each other too much. This sounds like a good jam

Damien Verret: You don't sound comfortable with your vocals, the way you keep doubling them up and putting loads of phase and reverb on them. This is a shame because I'd think they'd be okay if they were clean and they get a bit muffled with all the effects. what you should do is EQ them a bit so they sound clearer in the mix, take some low end out. That said, they do the job and I do like this song. It skips along merrily and I like the way you've done it by sticking in a few little sonic artefacts here and there, the finger clicking and thigh slapping (right?) is great. nice outro

@ESpo0nz: I want to be lenient on these vocals because I've been listening to lots of This Heat/Camberwell Now recently and this has echoes of them vocally, but my taste receptors are currently saying "no". It's an interesting blend of garagey-techno but it only really hits my conceptual buttons; I don't want to listen to it for long.

DSoA: You've nothing to worry about when it comes to people generating false perceptions of you from your name I think. gothika redefined. I like the way the first section sucks me into an eerie vibe, gradually building the percussion and swells, and then...uber death. nice one

Marn: whoops, I was waiting for it to kick in before I formed a first impression. A mistake evidently. To me this sounds like Jeff Lewis (or anybody with an acoustic) covering Susumu Yokota and remixed by Four Tet on a lo-fi day. My kind of incidental music; I'm never gonna vote for it but thanks for adding some texture to the fight.

Stubby and the Dr: I dunno why I expected this to be hip hop. This kind of thing generates a strange but dependable train of thought in my mind which goes: "This sounds slow and ploddy, and will no doubt bore me, who could be arsed to play this let alone write it?........quite a few people I suppose.......and they've actually done an alright job as I recall...........this is fitting snuggly into that category....." It has a lot to do with the fact that my attention span is short, and you (as well as a number of singers in this style) have a knack for singing in a mildly stirring way which manages to get under my skin while I'm in the process of justifying my dislike for it. In my mind these types are represented by Will Oldham as their figurehead (so you know what I'm getting at), I didn't used to like him. I am slowly learning that stuff doesn't need to be exciting to be good; This is quite good.

Ross: I used to be much more worried about entering fights with members of the Gert crew in for their production skillz; but recently I've noticed you (and your namesake Steve btw; are you related?) have a considerable flair for songwriting which I can't quite describe. 'Mature' and 'versatile' are two words that spring to mind, and this manages to sound like it came so easily (possibly apart from that one "last rites" line but it doesn't sound forced at all). This is nothing if not sentimental, but it carries it off without sounding contrived and it made me smile. Oh, and since I never reviewed the 'El Balazo' round of Nur Ein I want to say very well done for that, an excellent song. Contender

Beefy: The track feels a bit like a sound test until near the end when it gets some momentum going. I think it's cos the arrangement is pretty simple, but I quite like the sounds you used. The beats are alright and varied enough for me, and the vocals have a pretty good flow; the mix is nice and clear too so well done there.

Hangover Black: ghetto gospel returns. I think the way the beat kicks in at the beginning is really cool, it just beautifully slips right into the groove there. The falsetto sounds slightly unnatural and raspy but it does the job. sweet chorus, it sounds like there should be a descending bassline there, is there one? or is my brain just filling in the gaps? I would have like to here a few more samples, they worked well when used sparingly but perhaps it was too sparingly for my tastes. Mainly production gripes on this but I am being picky and it was very nicely done.

Purdylips: So this is what j$ going electro sounds like. The contrast in vocals here works really well and the programming is seamless. Starfingers first line is classic, especially the "HuH!". The guitar playing's not incendiary but it sits perfectly on top of the beat; I really can't fault this. keeper and contender.

Middlemarch: This makes fun listening. I know it's not going to win my vote but I can tell those lyrics alone are gonna make this worth listening to a few more times. well done

KMS: I really shouldn't have done this one after Middlemarch (and if I'd done them alphabetically I'd probably be saying the same thing in his review), it sounds far too similar. What I said there applies here too, but I think the verse sounds more borrowed and the chorus, although energetic and fun, isn't quite as imaginative. good falsetto vox though.

Wages: Your voice is really strong here, which is good but it keeps drowning out the guitar I think, or maybe it’s just cause it sounds like your singing in a different room to the guitar. This is pretty good in many ways but there’s not much of a hook, I’ll let it sink in a bit more but at the moment it seems to be passing me by every time I listen to it.

Philipso: In contrast to Wages the hook in this has popped right out at me here, which is cool cause it means I don’t have to listen so hard to enjoy it. And there is much to enjoy here, I’m well into the laid back indie vibe, fits with the name. Definitely a contender, and I’d like to hear more from you guys

Melvin: Oooh, atmospheric, are you gonna go all post-rock on us? I hope so. Characteristically strong vocals. This is really cool, I think your back catalogue is gaining loads of weight and depth with these 'experiments' you keep trying especially as they're always anchored to solid melodic foundations so there are no duffers in there. Next time you do one of these I'd love to hear it change to 3/4 two thirds in and speed up loads at the end, and maybe throw in some diminished chords (that's how it goes in my head after the real track's stopped). good stuff. contender

Rabid Garfunkel: I like the carnival feel, but it's contradicted by the bass and vocals. They feel like they are working against each other (the percussion and bass/vox that is). This repeats too much for me, and the refrain doesn't grab me. Then it ends like even you lost interest in it.

Special Relatives: I like this, it's good fun stuff. The whistling solo alone makes this worth keeping, it's great. short, sweet, catchy and I'm always up for some good accapella so I applaud you. I'd say this was a contender but I don't think I'm gonna vote for it over the others I like, maybe I'll have changed my mind by Friday. we'll see. well done

[Nigel (spOOn) Clements]

Sorry if these reviews seem a bit mish mash, but I made some notes yesterday, and am listening again now... (by the way thanks to so many people name checking spOOn )

Damien Verrett: Yesteday this was all whispery and tinney, today it grabs me like nowt else, this is a grower and a possible keeper, I'm loving the shaker, and the instanteous-ness of the guitar, could maybe do with a touch more body though, the nice reverb on the vox is cool, kind of like you occasionally walk under a tunnel, I can imagine you singing this whilst walking through some park somewhere. 7½/10

Phillipso: At 320kbs this was a mean download (thanks! ), okay the vocals are rather muffled and the guitars are a bit loud, for some reason this reminds me of Ash, but I can't for the life of me work out why, can't really latch onto much of the vocals here though, this is all merging into one and at times it's a touch discordant, the waa waa touches are nice though, but far too long without much variation. 5/10

Beefy: This is very reminiscent of Sudden Death, you just need shoebox doing a voice-over and it would be perfect, excellent radio DJ intro, and I'm loving the vocal backbeat sort of like Rap/Doo-Wop, overall pretty damn cool. 7/10

Ross Durand: Awww sweet! what can I say about this, this is so lovely! kinda Glenn Campbell-ish. 7½/10

Marn: The download makes up for Phillipso, which is in your favour, but for christ sake mend that clock and get on with the song 4/10

The Dark Side of Archaeology: Whhooo spooky, I'm being transported to the depths of hell, I can just see a werewolf chewing on someones remains when the growling kicks in, and the screamy guy was great, maybe just a touch late at 2:18 but rock my fuckin' boat he did when he came in... 6½/10

Kill Me Sarah: This is really enjoyable, you obviously had a lot of fun making this, the high vocal that comes in is a little too loud and in front of the main vocal which spoils it slighly, but very good nonetheless. 6½/10

Melvin: Hmmm! very Teardrops Explode/Julian Cope, not really as instantaneous as previous stuff you've done, but very well crafted, just not grabbing me though (maybe will grow later). 6/10

BeWells: Bloody cOOl voice, you've got there mate, this does remind me of something though, and it's bugging me and stops me concentrating on the song completely, very nice gentle, clear vocal, you don't need me to tell you how good this is. 7/10

Hangover Black: There are some odd noises in here, like someone knocking the mic, and the strained vox are disconcerting and the whole effect seems muffled, but the odd thing is this works very well, you have a really good soul to this, Huh! Yeah! and that horn is well cool. But I do have a question and please don't be offended is the lead vocalist a man or a woman, if your a man then that's one hell of a sore throat you must have got singing this. 7½/10

Middlemarch: Yee Haw!, you guys should have got togther with Kill Me Sarah for this and had one heck of a (what do you call it a hoe-down??) shindig!! 6½/10

Purdy Lips: Nice choral opening and wasn't expecting the rap, a lot heavier than the other rap this this week (Beefy) the instrumentation is rather nice, but this isn't grabbing me perhaps as much as it could, just sounds like too much is fighting for the lead. 6½/10

Those Meddling Kids: Pinky & Perky, Bodger & Badger, Zig & Zag, Tinker & Tucker, Fuckin' brilliant, I laughed so much with this, this is an absolute top job, nice to hear someone else with a julian cope feel to the vox as well. Original as anything I've heard here. 8½/10

Wages: Once again bloody cool voice, but the overall thing sounds rather haphazard kinda like it was put together on the fly. strongest voice on songfight but I reckon you could do with collaborating with someone. 6/10

Stubby & Dr.: Who is this Johnny Appleseed bloke, is he anything like Gordon Bennett or Paul Canal? The two voices here are very similar this reminds me of moldy peaches in some ways, the harmonies are really good, but there isn't a lot else going on for 4:15. 6/10

Special Relatives: Nice Barbershop style, is this the song that you and your family sing before sitting down to sunday dinner? very good novelty song, and I love the whistling. This is Evil Disney at it's best! 7/10

Rabid Garfunkel: Whoo! 'Gimme spOOn' most professional of this weeks entries, backing track sounds a lot like 'Copa Cabana' you don't need me to tell you how good your voice is, so I won't. this ends rather abruptly though which is a shame, I was getting into that. 7½/10

A very good fight with most entries being of a similar level, but nothing really stands out after several listens apart from the Kids 'Puppet Mayhem' number, so I'm going to vote for them.

[Eric Y.]

However, my personal preference will not govern the final vote.

you.. wha.. huh?

somebody else is deciding for you?

[melvin]

Beefy: I love this. If all hip hop were like this, American teen culture might not be such an oily cesspool of filth. You rule.

BeWells: Great playing and singing, but I’m really bored by the style here.

Jonas Murdock and The Child Inside: This is pretty cool. Catchy enough, with just the right amount of weird stuff going on to keep it interesting. Nice work.

Dark Side of Archeology: Super annoying at first, then pretty ass-kicking after a couple of minutes. Reminds me of a recent trip to Niagara Falls. I think they were piping this into The Criminal Hall of Fame. Great attraction.

Eclectic Spoons: Is that a guest vocal by J$? You can decide whether that’s a compliment or not, but the similarity strikes me. Enjoyed the lyrics.

Hangover Black: The static and rumble on this are weird. Intentional or not? Whatever, they give the track an Old School quality that I dig. I’m not crazy about this song, but the singing is good the soul feels authentic.

Kill Me Sarah: I appreciate the rambling good-times vibe of this, but the absence of a decent melody is preventing me from liking the song very much.

Marn: This is not a song.

Melvin: Me. I can hardly remember making this song. Seems like it was a long time ago.

G. Wilker: This is what the KMS song could have been with more thought/work put into it. Well done, boys.

Philipso: This is pretty hot. Like the guitar stuff going on, especially the saturated tone. Smooth. Nice vocals, although they’re too buried in the mix. The only thing I’d change is to tighten it up a bit. The song seems to wander aimlessly in spots.

Purdy Lips: Beats and overall instrumental production on this are great, but not really liking the vocals. Amusing lyrics.

Rabid Garfunkel: Wow, I really dislike this! The vocal phrasing is painful, and sounds totally incongruous with the canned-white-bread-calypso backing track. Or, actually, maybe they’re a perfect fit. I can’t even get through this.

Ross Durand: I have no doubt these lyrics are 100% sincere and heartfelt, but I find them a little awkward to listen to. Maybe I’ll be able to handle this better once I’m a father. As it is, children hate me for some reason. Still, nice singing and playing.

The Special Relatives: I loved your entry for I’m Warning You, but this one just isn’t doing much for me. Still like your voice(s) though.

Stubby and the Dr.: This has a nice sonic tone to it, and some really pleasant singing, yet I almost dozed off after about a minute. It’s well executed, but I’m just not feelin’ it.

Those Meddling Kids: Ha! Nice tribute to Tri State Area. This is great. Love the change at two minutes. Apples! Religion! Very fun track. Awesome work, dude.

Wages: Good singing, not-so-great song. I guess you get that review a lot, but it seems to apply here. My attempt at constructive advice: figure out distinct melodies and chords for a verse and a chorus, then put them together.

Seems there was a lot of good singing in this fight, but not too many songs that struck me as good. I most enjoyed Beefy, Phillipso, and TMK.

[j$]

Well, these came out harsher than I imagined they would - ah, well.

Beefy - The vocals are a little peaky, as is the synth line . Otherwise, production is ok, cute tone, but, overall merely nerdcore. And therefore charmless for me. Just not my thing, as they say.

Bewells - hmmmmm. The lyric is a bit corny. The music is a little standard. Well performed and recorded, but you need to write songs with someone else. I'd like to hear your ability matched with a little more lateral imagination

Jonas Murdock - heh. Nice sped up guitar doubling as banjo? The trick is not to play so fast, so it's not so clear! I like this. it's cute. The reverby 'creepy' vocals aren't that creepy. Ummm, not bad. Well done also for putting down the casio for a week. Maybe you could combine the two some time?

Dark Side of Archeology - I like your name, btw. Been meaning to say that for a while, only I think this is the first of your songs I have heard, and it's very, ummm, humourless. Dour one might say. Obscurity might find things to like in this but to me it's just Nephelim. I am bored a minute in, and the (uncompressed?) vocals are just grating on the ears. So sorry I don't think i'm gonna make it to the end of this. Maybe that's a victory for you? I hope not.

Eclectic Spoons - (Melvin, you are an imbecile). Dig the Devo-esque deconstruction arrangement ... trying a little too hard, maybe?

Hangover Black - oh shame about the hiss! No Gnarls Barkley, you, production-wise. Shame because the vocal sounds absolutely fantastic. Curious, interesting arrangement and mix and very good (but worringly thin) vocal does not hide an underdeveloped song. Two minutes in and the thinness of the voice is starting to grate. a little - not bad, overall. But a little annoying. Maybe it's just the hiss on the vocal when it's (despite the mix) so dominant - and also the scatting feel to the lyric.

Kill Me Sarah - Comedy Country is a worringly popular sub-genre. If you like this sort of thing, this is very sweetly done, but that harmonica is a bit over-powering.

Marn - revolution no 9 came out, what, 25 years ago?

Melvin - Being kind: You are to indie what Steve Durand is to retro-pop. Telling It Like It Is: I am being quite serious when I repeat that I believe you are the death of all that is good in music.

G Willker - more comedy country? See my review for KMS, only minus the comment on the harmonica.

Phillipso - Telling It Like It Is: R H C P have got an album coming out next week, haven't they? I think I'll wait for that Being Kind: this is mid-fi RHCP, and I would turn up the bass and down the guitar if I wanted to emulate that sound better. Which I wouldn't. Want to.

Rabid Garfunkel - great opening! You sound more and more like a slightly better produced Sausage Boy - somewhere between the Residents and Devo, if their guitarists hadn't turned up. The best thing about this is the warmth of the vocal and the electro-samba percussion, which we don't hear enough of. I kind of drift away for the lack of some countering melody. Bass and vocal so hard to pull off. I know I couldn't do it.

Ross Durand - so hit me with this serious Applesauce song then ... OK, so bad luck on the stream, lyrically speaking. I have no interest in Cat's In The Cradle only father / daughter perspective. The song is v.pretty but you know I am not going to like it! Ummm, good, but way too cheesy for me, especially as I am conscious that the perceived cheesiness is in my hearing, not your singing. Makes me feel flattened.

Special Relatives - Comedy country without the country? The percussion comes in way too late. This is slightly smug for something as slight as it is but well enough performed for what it is. The comedy growl voice is one step too far and undos the song for me.

Stubby & The Dragon (?) - well you're probably not called that but you should be. This is, from the first few notes, my favourite so far. Nice singing, good bass tone, semi-serious / meangingless take on the vocals. A little bit too earnest, and a little bit in need of more variance. Also ending two minutes earleir would be a big bonus. But it's a good song, and at least it hasn't taken the easy option, like at least two thirds of the songs so far.

TMK - Being kind: Not My Bag. Telling It Like It Is: ah fawk orrrrff with your 'please love me' novelty shite.

Wages - hur hur hur you play da purettyyyyy guitar .... the vocal is almost perfect for the mood you want to create but too wavery and it's distracting. That is a nice tone on the guitar.

[furrypedro]

At least that review was based on personal preference.
I wish you'd posted that before I wrote my song for next week, so I could've done some more novelty shite just for you

Thankyou Sp00n and Melvin

[Middlemarch]

Comedy Country is a worringly popular sub-genre...

G Willker - more comedy country? See my review for KMS, only minus the comment on the harmonica.

You think that's funny? It's a love song!

(worryingly?)

[j$]

I waiting for the singing JPEG. (note question mark )

[wages]

C Wages
You have a really good voice, man…what else can you do with it?

Thanks! Do you mean I should try something different in some way, or do you mean, "MAN! What <i>else</i> can you do?" If you have time to elaborate, that'd be cool.

Wages: Your voice is really strong here, which is good but it keeps drowning out the guitar I think, or maybe it’s just cause it sounds like your singing in a different room to the guitar. This is pretty good in many ways but there’s not much of a hook, I’ll let it sink in a bit more but at the moment it seems to be passing me by every time I listen to it.

This was recorded straight from me and guitar into microphone, but the guitar wasn't close enough. I also had the guitar plugged in, but I had the volume on that track turned down as every time I record it like that, people tell me to "mic it".

Wages: Once again bloody cool voice, but the overall thing sounds rather haphazard kinda like it was put together on the fly. strongest voice on songfight but I reckon you could do with collaborating with someone. 6/10

It <B>was</B> haphazard. I recorded this a day or two after the lyrics were posted then I gave it to my drummer and asked for a set rhythm so I can re-record it. And I waited. And waited. By the night before it was due, I didn't have the drums and didn't have the time to re-do it. So I tweaked the track I had (compression, reverb, EQ presets). I know I would have a better chance [of winning] if I could get better quality recordings with a full band, but this is what I've got right now. We recorded our band practice last Sunday...on a laptop internal mic. Ironically, you can hear everything <i>except</i> my guitar in those recordings!

Wages: Good singing, not-so-great song. I guess you get that review a lot, but it seems to apply here. My attempt at constructive advice: figure out distinct melodies and chords for a verse and a chorus, then put them together.

Thanks! While I do work on making distinctly different parts, I find it very difficult to actually accomplish well. I have a few other original songs that weren't for songfight that are probably better than most I've submitted here. I'll post links when I get some suitable recordings of stuff with the band.

Well, these came out harsher than I imagined they would - ah, well.


Wages - hur hur hur you play da purettyyyyy guitar .... the vocal is almost perfect for the mood you want to create but too wavery and it's distracting. That is a nice tone on the guitar.

In that case, I'll count myself lucky!

By wavery, do you mean inconsistency in the melody, or do you mean the notes themselves are wavery at times? or?

[Beefy]

I'm getting much more love this time than the last time I submitted, so I say thank you to all who have taken the time to review these so far.

[melvin]

Eclectic Spoons: Is that a guest vocal by J$?

(Melvin, you are an imbecile).

Okay, sure. But let's see if others notice what I noticed:

http://www.melvinrock.com/CashvsSpoon.mp3