The Song Fight Bulletin Board

Dave Stiles—Good implementation of the optional holiday challenge. This sounds like a legit Christmas song. I like how your voice seems both understated and expressive. The bridge slowdown feels like an interruption to the song, rather than an enhancement. Good use of the sax.

Duncan Martin—Good beginning. The vocal seems a little (and I mean a little) too forward in the mix. The dual guitar interaction is cool. Good rhymes, as usual. I really, really like how you always use words that don’t appear in seemingly every other song; you use your vocabulary well. That one snare drum is way more prominent that the rest of the percussion; you might want to look into some other drum sounds. I think it would sound cool to add more vocal harmonies at selected points.

Glenn Case—I felt like I should have liked this more than I did. All your performances are very good, and at each point where I was thinking “it would be cool if he added component X,” suddenly it was there, right on cue. The main thing at fault may be my taste.

The Gross Tones—I had a very negative reaction to the lyrics. I’m not even sure what you’re advocating for or against, but at this point, it’s hard to write an original covid song without including a lot more wordplay than you’ve got here. Listening on headphones, some of the drum sounds were oddly (and unpleasantly) plosive. On the bright side, whoever was playing the guitar did a nice job.

Hippy Militia—I dig the resonant vocal. I kind of wish you had left the irony just in the lyrics and left it out of the arrangement (especially the ahhhs). This isn’t my favorite of the fight, but it’s pretty good.

JP Nickolas—This is among your best vocals, perhaps the best. Lyrics are good, too. You should write a metal musical and include this in it. Nice solo at the end.

King Arthur—I want to dance to this. Or maybe watch a movie in which people dance to this. Anyway, nice rhythm. Your vocal delivery suits the song well; I like the just the little hint of roughness. The lead guitar sometimes seems a bit forward in the mix. Nice job overall.

Leopard Magic—I like your lyrical take on this. I like the music too. I want to drink out of a coconut on the beach while listening to this. I like whatever that pitched percussion instrument is. The inventive arrangement works well.

Lichen Throat—I had a lot of trouble with the mix on this one, and I’m still not sure why it sounds so tinny. Otherwise, I’m fairly happy with this. Not my best, but I think above average for me. I’m glad some of you liked the lyrics.

The Mellfire Trifecta—I feel like this needs more urgency or melancholy or wistfulness or something. I’m impressed with the variety and unexpectedness of your vocal melodies. There’s a nice sense of building through the song.

The Pannacotta Army—Everything fits together well in this. Whatever anyone’s least favorite song on Sgt. Pepper’s is, it should have been replaced with this. The instrument sounds seem very purposefully chosen and work together to create your aesthetic.

Phlub—I like the energy and relentlessness. It seems like you’re created a new genre here, but maybe it’s an existing genre that I don’t know about. This is a good one; I think it probably goes in your greatest hits album.

Pigfarmer Jr—This sounds super pro. Have you instituted a new recording or mixing technique? If so, keep doing it. Good songwriting, too. This could be my all-time favorite of yours.

Rone Rivendale—Lots of plosives on the mike; you might want to consider getting a screen or holding it farther from your mouth. I wish this was a little longer. The parts with the super low voice are a nice counterpoint to the rest of the song.

toby roktot—The timbre of your voice always sounds so good. I think the song could use a more internal variation. The harmonica sounds really good. It’s hard to pull off a very gentle song like this, but I think you did it.

sleepysilverdoor wrote: ↑

Tue Jan 04, 2022 9:15 pm

I don't think I forgot anyone:

Rone Rivendale - Is this “Plucked!”, the FL studio synth? Oh god the robot vocals sound like something I would have made in FL studio in like 2004. Honestly this is a nostalgia trip just from the sounds alone. It’s 1 am and I am staying up way too late at Alex’s house because he just showed me a copy of FL Studio 3 he downloaded off of Kazaa and I try it and I’m hooked for life.

You are correct, it is Plucked. I have FL Studio 2020, got it when I decided to come back to songwriting. My previous music back in the day was made with FruityLoops back when that was the name, hence the Fl in FL Studio (everyone prob already knows that).

lichenthroat wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 05, 2022 3:33 pm

Pigfarmer Jr—This sounds super pro. Have you instituted a new recording or mixing technique? If so, keep doing it. Good songwriting, too. This could be my all-time favorite of yours.

Thanks! No. Just spent more time on the mix than usual. And maybe a little more time on the recording phase so that mixing would be a bit easier.

lichenthroat wrote: ↑

Wed Jan 05, 2022 3:33 pm

Phlub—I like the energy and relentlessness. It seems like you’re created a new genre here, but maybe it’s an existing genre that I don’t know about. This is a good one; I think it probably goes in your greatest hits album.

It's basically early 80s death rock but with more motorik and microtonality. The guitar parts are almost entirely focused on the 2nd, 4th, and 7th harmonic cause those line up better with 11 tone equal temperament. I wasn't sure how to get a decent melody in that tonality so I decided on a more dramatized spoken word delivery style a-la early Christian Death. Only my voice is nowhere near his timbre-wise...,

Hi gang,
Just wanted to say thanks for the warm welcome (back)! I’m so glad Song Fight is still a thing!!! I first popped into a few fights around 17 years ago (2004-ish I think), and then promptly got very busy with a new, demanding job. Recently, I’ve gotten very un-busy in my unexpected early retirement, so I’m really hoping to keep going with the music and songwriting this time around. Thank you all for not crushing my spirit as I ease back into music. Actually, it’s very much the opposite. I half expected to be stoned to death with such a poppy, sugary-sweet Christmas song, but you guys seem to appreciate it in the spirit it was written. My whole life I’ve been saying “man, if I could just write a hit Christmas or wedding tune, I could be set for life.” Don’t know if that’s even realistic in the music biz anymore, but with the added “holiday challenge” I had to give it a try. I was struggling with some sinus issues, which never happens, and although I attempted a final improved vocal pass before submitting the song, it actually turned out worse, so I scrapped it and went with the "scratch tracks." I also sadly was never able to do the vocal harmonies I would have liked on this tune. I literally could not sing on key. Please tell me others have experienced this and it was temporary. It’s awful!

To the many thoughtful and generous reviewers, your notes are so frickin’ good!!! Both last week and this week, you’ve given me actionable feedback to help me improve my songs and my songwriting. Your ability to deconstruct and analyze music is incredible! You are on another level my friends. I’m not a trained musician, so I tend to be more of a “feel” player and writer and just kind of let the music tell me what it wants to be. But, reading your reviews of my songs, as well as everyone else’s songs, has given me some new insight on how to think about and further refine my future music. Thank you all!!!

And last but not least, I loved listening to and voting for all of the many submissions in the 2 weeks I’ve been back. Such strong lyrics and musicianship everywhere! It's humbling. And it's awesome to see so many submissions still coming in after all these years. Happy New Year to all and here's to an amazing 2022 of Song Fight!
Dave Stiles

Some quick (and brief) thoughts.

Dave Stiles: Kind of a throw back rock feel to a Christmas song. Reminds me of the 80's where all the rock guys did the classics "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" etc., This is definitely well arranged and I like the mix. I'm not one for Christmas songs but I like that you nailed the optional challenge.

Duncan Martin: I like the melody, the phrasing in the vocal. I don't much care for that drum sound that just seems artificial. The harmonica is a nice touch. The vocal is masked a bit at the end with the slightly more energetic music. I like that it's adding energy but maybe use an EQ cut a bit to carve out space for the vocal to poke through.

Glenn Case: I like the rhythm. The drum sounds themselves started to get a bit repetitive after a minute and a half, I think, but it's still cool. Your melody is good and I like your layered vox. What's that bass? It's pretty driving.

Hippy Militia: I like the drums. I like your melody on the prechorus. The chorus vox (with the harmony/layers) reminds me of a late 70's classic sound. The more I listen to this one, the more it grows on me.

JP Nickolas: Ooh, the vocal delivery is fun. And those guitars are rocking in an almost tongue in cheek classic manner but work so damn well. Maybe the vocals don't sit just right. Needs more 80's sheen on them, I think. Is this a cross between Rocky Horror and Twisted Sister or RATT?

King Arthur: Cool groove. Horn stabs for the win. You got me moving in my chair. I think the guitar would be better just a hair lower in the mix or maybe with some tasteful delay... or maybe both. But this is a super, duper fun one.

Leopard Magic: I like the bass carrying the song along. And I like your melody a lot. The vocal doesn't sound the strongest in places but I like it.

Lichen Throat: Your using more reverb. It's a cool sound. It works well on the vocal. Maybe makes the... lead instrument (harpsichord?) maybe a bit less defined, which isn't a bad thing. That four on the floor adds energy but makes me want some rocking guitars.

The Mellfire Trifecta: That Major/Minor chord is tasty. Good melody and vocal. The tambourine kind of came out of nowhere. Nicely understated guitar. Well, I just gotta vote for this. I'm really digging it.

The Pannacotta Army: Ooh, cool chord progression. Bouncy melody and rhythm on the "I don't know if you believe it" sections. Reminds me slightly of Nilsson. And tasty guitar, too. Now I wanna pick mine up, but it's too late to rock. Yeah, I like this one lots.

Phlub: Oh, right. Another of yours that I'm digging. I like your guitars. But they seem a bit more tame since you.. you know, have a real one. Good vocal phrasing. Nice use of distortion. Cool rhythm.

Pigfarmer Jr: My take on current affairs viewed through the lens of 1984 (the book, not necessarily the year.)

Rone Rivendale: I like the strong(er) vocal delivery. It's maybe a bit too high in the mix in places, could sit a bit better. Short and to the point and not unlikeable.

toby roktot: The almost whisper delivery still seems strong. Not easy to do that, I think. The guitar is a tad thin sounding, but you make the guy with guitar (and harmonica) sound pretty good. This is a good one to end on.

By the way, Leopard Magic is me and my brother. We collaborated via the interwebz. he's a tremendous songwriter and I just tried to not mess it up with the synths and mix. he records everything on his phone! i did the synth solo on my modular.

Here are my thoughts on the other songs:


Dave Stiles - this is definitely a good song. something about the mix makes it all sound very distant and flat, but that's just nitpicking. i like the instrumentation a lot. maybe i'll remember to listen to this next christmas

Duncan Martin - i like the background mumbling moans. I apparently don't have what it takes to follow the lyrics of the story, so I have no idea what it's about, which makes it all kinda runs together. This is probably my fault. the playing is really good.

Glenn Case - I would not be surprised if someone told me this was a long lost early 80's one hit wonder (with some more modern drum sounds grafted on). just complex enough to keep it interesting and the melodies are so sweet. It's really good, but I'm not 100% on the drums.

The Gross Tones - thank you for the grunge throwback. I feel like i'm in college again except for the lyrics, which i'm not as excited about as the general vibe of the song. it sounds like it was recorded in a garbage can, which i mean as a compliment.

Hippy Militia - your name is apt, as this sounds like a war protest song. nice jangly chorus, and the ahhhs leading into it are really nice. this is fun and good.

JP Nickolas - great guitar playing and fun arrangement, but i kinda cringe through the vocals. maybe making them quieter would be better.. or making them less dry. or making the instrumentation drier -- they sound like they're on a different planet from the singer

King Arthur - this is pretty perfect. the horn section is really awesome. and the rhythm is really off kilter in the best way. your vocals are perfect for this style too. awesome

Lichen Throat - i like your songs.. is this outsider goth? i like the harpsichord(?) loopy thing that drives the verses. whatever is going on here complements your odd phrasing and choice of vocal notes. unique and worthwhile. I'm not sure this is apt, but it makes me think of Sausage Boy for some reason.

Mellfire Trifecta - i like the song and the harmonies (though I have a real short attention span for G&G). There are some REM moments in this song, which is great. Are you straining your voice on this, or was it comfortable? It doesn't sound very comfortable.

The Pannacotta Army - i like the cool marching rhythm, and the guitar solo is awesome. the lyrics are good. it sounds really good.

Phlub - i highly dig this.. very krautrock vibe. i think i voted for this. i can't remember.

Pig Farmer Jr - this is normally NMT genre-wise, but it sounds great and the lyrics are good. i like the guitar solo(s) too . the "don't be surprised..." part is particularly good!

Rone Rivendale - this is probably a little too long. wesley willis much?
I'm glad you entered this, and I remember you from a long time ago, but I do not like the song.

Toby Roktot - i like the sleepy western vibe a lot. i listened to these in alphabetic order, and it makes for a nice way to end it all (the fight I mean). I hope you have a huge bushy mustache in real life, because that's how I imagine you as I listen.

I'm probably a little over-critical on some of these, a lot of my comments come from my impressions of what I might have done differently, and that's not necessarily valid. Anyway, here are some notes

Dave Stiles - well written song, I like the line about "can't rush the magic." The fuzz bass seems wrong, but it's well put together. Like the use of the various bells

Duncan Martin - I like songs that tell a story, and this one definitely does. Well played and recorded, nice approach to the title. The lyric maybe draws a little too much attention to all the rhymes and internal rhymes. Nice approach to the title; the "Willard Scott" reference maybe wants a little more context since most listeners won't know about it (yes, they'll know who Willard Scott is, but won't know about the statue). Maybe it needs one more verse at the end that explains what the singer found while googling the story.

Glenn Case - I like the way you approach the story sort of mysteriously. The music feels mysterious in the same way. Song makes a very good first impression. I gotta sign up for one of Jill Sobule's songwriting classes, though I'm sure the fact that you're constantly writing or recording things is part of why this is so good...

The Gross Tones - the music felt like it was going to be an angry anti-vax song, but that doesn't quite seem like where the lyric went. I never did quite figure out where it was supposed to land.

Hippy Militia - I think the early reference to "a brutal prison system" makes me unsure whether I'm supposed to take the chorus seriously or sarcastically.

JP Nickolas - as with the Gross Tones, the music doesn't seem like it quite fits what the lyric is saying. I do get the sense that, like me, you've already watched "Get Back" about three times...

Leopard Magic - hmm, the MIDI is strong with this one. I think I might try cutting the first couple phrases of the intro and just come in when the full instrumentation starts. Those first couple phases really emphasize how hissy an synth-y the song is, it's hard to ignore that when it's out there naked like that. I like the lyric and the melody and harmonies. There's a swishy sound in the background most of the way through that I might have left out, I think this song would fit best with as much clarity as you can squeeze out of your recording setup. Yeah, double thumbs up on the lyric, melody and harmonies.

Lichen Throat - the instrumental on the introduction is so precise (MIDI-ish) that once the vocal starts, the rhythmic looseness does bug me. It's mostly on pitch, but so many of the notes, especially at the start of phrases, are just off the beat.

Mellfire Trifecta - I like the story you tell, I might have edited out those couple bars of just drums at the start once you had all the parts recorded and were just polishing up the mix. Nice approach to the title.

Panacotta Parmy - can't decide about that third chord, the weird one... I think I'd have liked the song better if you used a more normal chord there - that or, in the second phrase of the verse, used some chords that that chord leads into. Fun lyric, liked the guitar solo - I'm still struggling with making my solos interesting, something more than just a repaeting countermelody...

Phlub - I like this better than your previous one. Lines like "segregation never had much tact" are cool because they make me want to think more deeply about "what is he saying here?" Think about figuring out how to end the song that doesn't involve just chopping it off in mid-phrase. This is the sort of thing where a fade out might work, even though we don't get many of those around here...

Pigfarmer Jr. - wow, those guitars at the start sound wonderful. Very good song, very well recorded.

Rone Rivendale - "air is more stale than Taylor Swift" - awesome line. I like the way your melody / vocals stay in time with the song, I like listening to that. Near the end the line about "changing back the radio from Mariah to Aeorsmith" is a spot where the vocal does lose the beat, but the rest of the song works pretty well. Kudos on an interesting approach to the title. Would still like to hear things more spead out in stereo if you have software that will do that.

toby roktot - Okay, I think it's just going to take me a couple more fights to get used to your style, who you are. I think the "roktot" part of your name made me expect some thirteen year old trying to sound like (modern day equivalent of) Metallica or something, Guitar sounds good, balance among parts is good. I wish things were spread out a bit more across the stereo field, but I'm guessing that you're recording this all at once, which makes that hard to do. You might give a listen to the song "Lolita" by Tim Gibbons - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyP590kxuTM - he's doing something with a very low voice that might give you some production ideas.

King Arthur - this started out as a sort-of comedy country lyric, but then I asked myself what Prince would have done with this, and while none of the parts are as good as Prince would have done them, it did sorta solve the problem of how to assemble the song...

Sorry if I missed anybody, let me know and I'll add notes.

Phlub wins!

Lunkhead wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 09, 2022 10:02 pm

Phlub wins!

Congrats Phlubian!

Thanks Sweeeney,
I’ll listen to Tim.
Cya,
Tob

king_arthur wrote: ↑

Sun Jan 09, 2022 7:58 pm

or, in the second phrase of the verse, used some chords that that chord leads into.

F#7 > Bmin....
what's more natural than that?