The Song Fight Bulletin Board

If there are any interested parties. I have tried a few things to imrove the mix of my song. A version I think is improved can be heard <a href="http://www.rossdurand.com/sgu_sweeter.mp3">here.</a>

beer+plane=bad - i've been seriously digging this song all week. really good stuff for the most part. one complaint i have: the spoken verse "was i shit in bed.......it's time to get going" followed by the exact same thing sung. this isn't the chorus, and these words aren't totally awesome, so i fail to see the need to repeat them. i think the spoken part kind of disrupts the rockingness and ought to be omitted altogether. just skipping from the previous part to the sung part, and then straight onto the solo, would steamline it and maximise the rock. furthermore each time you sing "won't be someone who's made fun of" i think it pretty much kicks ass. yup i like this song mostly.

bjam - singing is much improved over last week. i really don't have much to say about this, positive or negative, but it's very pretty.

carpetburn - the intro guitar bit is pretty cool, most of the music is pretty cool actually, except the fake drums'n'bass. i find it impossible to get past how actively you appear to be striving to be robert smith, though. especially the soft moaning thing after the first verse. first time i heard this song i thought maybe it was just a similar style i was hearing, but after closer inspection, there is no way you can deny this is a straight-up blatant conscious rip-off.

dave corun - man what happened to the old shitty dave corun? the lead guitar tone here is somewhat too overdriven and/or compressed, but the playing is pretty much alright. the singing does not do much sucking, either. nice going.

doscientos - never thought i'd live to see the day i did not like a 2C song. but there you go. this is really quiet in volume and also really quiet in energy. i feel like the vocal parts and/or guitar were all recorded on separate occasions, and the song changed key at some point during the process, but not all the parts were changed to reflect this. i know this isn't the case, but i said "i feel like..." the guitar-only part sounds nice, but that's about as far as i can go: "nice".

@eclectic spoons - the opening of this made me want to go listen to that "i can't break away" song from the bill&ted movie. the rest of this song makes me wish i had done so.

eddiebangs - cool, cool. the vocals (particularly the 'down on your knees.......atrocity' bit) is making me think of earlier corrosion of conformity. but then you have a bit of blippy electro stuff happening as well, which is mostly pretty cool (the "didn't even try-yy-yy-yyyyy" at 2.05 is good, but the "she-sh-shsh-she-she" at 1.55 a bit gratuitous). the overall effect is like one of the better songs from "spawn" (or "judgement night" i forget which one didn't suck). or maybe rammstein if they weren't such weinies.

e_equals - i'm not saying this to be funny or to be a dick, but i seriously am wondering: did you listen to this before sending it in and decide it sounded good? i have no idea what you are saying, but the deadpan talking is not exciting me at all. the piano might not be bad if it were more interesting, except the fact that about every fourth note is clipping to hell and making my ears bleed. i am not intentionally trying to be rude, but i find this impossible to listen to, and i find it hard to believe you listened to it and had a positive impression of it after recording it.

eidolon - the vocal affectation kind of gets on my nerves, as does the bassline. otherwise, this song isn't bad. the story is sort of cute, except the fact that most of the problems that are listed are relatively minor, which is the source of humour considering the outcome, but then you say "brought home another slut", which really doesn't fit in with the rest of the lines (i.e. about the toilet seat and leaving underwear lying around). the other thing that irks me: does anybody actually make shaving cream anymore? and if they do, would they also have a computer? i seriously doubt it.

manhattan glutton - i thought the music to your 'too far away' was pretty awesome, but wasn't quite sold on the singing. i like the singing better this time, mostly, but am less impressed with the music. although the all-acoustic stuff sounds really good. so don't take that the wrong way, it's really good in a days-of-the-new-slash-tantric way, i'm just not blown away like i was last time. keep up the good work.

pipefist - lovely singing at the beginning. the first guitar part seems kinda like "'friend' is a four letter word"... then it gets rockinger but not overly so. the vocal melodies and to a degree, the lyrics, remind me of something lisa loeb might have written -- mostly, i think, the song 'hurricane'. i'm not reading too much into these lyrics, because from what i'm hearing, they seem a little bit creepy.

ross durand - the first couple lines, i'm thinking it sounds like you're talking about your mom. then you say about "lonely when i go to bed" and "she couldn't be sure this was right" ... and i was like, oh nevermind. then i was thinking it again when you said about your friends and your daddy... then the 'surprise' ending and i was like, oh i saw that coming. doesn't really hold up to repeated listens, but not a bad tune for the most part. the word "bluur" sounds awkward.

tiny robots - great punk-rock-chick vocals, great slide lead, great r.e.m. progression and instrumentation on the verses (in particular, something from 'automatic for the people', i'm pretty sure. i can't quite remember which song i'm thinking of without listening to the cd, which i may decide to do later now that i'm thinking about it). pretty great overall, this song definitely gives eddiebangs a run for his money, i may have to flip a coin to decide how to vote.

wages - the guitar picking and strumming seems very haphazard, as does the vocal melody. this seems much more like a rough demo than a 'song', per se.

Wages
I agree, the "intro" is crappy as hell. In my defense, I was lazy. I had decided the night before NOT the turn in the song as it was in serious need of "smoothing out", but in the morning I decided to record it a few times (3) and turn in the best take (the 3rd one). So waiting till the last minute may have worked in school, but I know it doesn't work for songfight!

Beer + Plane = Bad
This song has a lot of the problems my songs do ('cept for the drums), not enough rhythmic variety. I like the spoken word part and the solo starting around 1:03. It seems like you might be able to get a rhythm part that is more interesting if you could incorporate some of your solo ideas...I don't really know a better way to explain this. Perhaps you could develop a stripped down version of the rhythm parts?

Bjam
Your guitar sounds okay (if not containing a slightly outta-tune string), but it seems you're holding back on your voice a little. Bring more to it but not too much more. Some might say you are "undersinging".

Carpetburn
I really doubt you could make a song I don't like! I just like your style, so every song is like an experience. I'll be keeping this tune to listen to again.

Dave Corun
Do you like the Violent Femmes? I like your solos...are you taking cues from Santana...just a little?

Doscientos
There's a nice melody for this. I personally would like to hear some a harmony with a little bass in it. Not my kinda thing, but nice nonetheless.

@eclectic spOOns
I'm sorry to say, I fought this song very annoying. At first, the instrumentation was okay, but after a minute or so, I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sure some dig this, but not me.

Eddie Bangs
Fairly standard rock song with a seemingly NIN influence. A nice spin on a standard song.

Eequals
More lo-fi! Mix your vocals louder. I can't hear them.

Eidolon
Your voice makes it country-like. Nothing here grabs me much. The mix seems alright.

Manhattan Glutton
So I'm listening to a song of yours (perhaps for the first time?). I definitely hear why someone would confuse us! Your guitar playing is cleaner than mine. I like your song. Your vox sounds like you are holding back. Why? Unleash that puppy and you could get my vote.

Pipefist
By now it seems everyone went with the same idea for the lyrics. I'm guilty too! Could "She Gave Up" mean anything else? At first I just "kinda liked" your song, but then the change comes in around 1 minute and it becomes alive. I'm glad I didn't give up (no pun intended)! The vote could come down to Carpetburn and Pipefist....I still like Carpetburn's style just too damned much! I'm definitely keeping this tune.

Ross Durand
You've got a faint Flaming Lips thing on the "edges of your voice" (I could try to be more vague). Personally, I'd like you to exploit that...it could give this song the extra umph it needs. It's a well written song.

Tiny Robots
10 seconds in and I'm liking it so far.... the song as a whole has a nice driving feel to it. Cool! I want some more of that sweet lead guitar! The chorus needs a little more something to it, can't really put it in any other words. Guess I'm mister ambiguity (sp?) this week. I'll be keeping your song, which gets a close 3rd place behind Pipefist.

Carpetburn wins! Why don't you have a record deal? I understand, corporate environment, who needs it? he he

tviyh wrote:there is no way you can deny this is a straight-up blatant conscious rip-off.

really? no way?

I deny.....(see where this is going?)

bands consciously ripped off for this song: Itch, Carpetburn, Screaming Keith,

bands subconsciously ripped off for this song: The Futureheads, Cap'n Jazz, REM.

Singers Pedro's voice might sound a bit like: Robert Smith

i'm not reading too much into these lyrics, because from what i'm hearing, they seem a little bit creepy.

Yeah, probably a good idea. It's about a very creepy situation going on between my dad and someone younger than my little sister. Umm...so yeah. Thanks for the nice comments though!

So I made a CD of this to listen to in my car last week – pretty consistently good fight. It was an enjoyable drive.

Ok, here’s my two cents.

Tiny robots – Great overall band timbre – reminding me of something in particular, but I can’t put my finger on it. I like the feel change for the chorus. Solid, but the song isn’t particularly engaging to me. Perhaps the lead vocal sounds a bit casual to me considering the emotional content, it's also a bit deep in the mix, causing me to hear the band more than the content – not sure. Of course this sounds great all around, and good arrangement. Good

Doscientos – File not playing right. I listened in my car earlier this week and my memory is that I like the overall feel, hearkening to the latin influenced jazz club feel, but the vocals didn’t feel like they were quite in the groove to me. OK+

Dave Corun – Song as vehicle for guitar playing? Great playing! Song ok as a vehicle, but I’m not feeling it so much as a song. Delivered pretty confidently, a few interesting rhymes. OK

EddieBangs – “Bow Down Before the one you Serveâ€

[quote="rdurand"]Carbetburn – Neat guitar counterpoint – probably my favorite thing about this song – do you listen to Television? I wish the words were up to the caliber of the rest of this package. I like the “all the things that make you feel betterâ€

Okay, i'm gonna respond to my reviews.. thank you everyone for listening and the responses. This was my first entry and wow.. that deadline is both a blessing and a curse! What a wild time trying to do all you can before that time period is up.... what a blast though.

bjam wrote:Holy quiet vocals, Batman. The vocals, from what I can hear, are nice if a little flat-y at some points. And it's a pretty monotonous voice, but hey, that works for some people. The music sounds good, and everything's good and whatnot. Just kinda boring. I want you to start rocking out. Skipping at 30 second intervals, this sounds all the same with some fun little instrumentaly bridges.

The first half of the songs vocals came out a bit lower.. and I hadn't noticed for some odd reason.. maybe because I was rushing to get this song mixed down right up till the deadline. Yeah, my final vocal take had me fighting off a cold and i was having more trouble than usual with my 'slightly flat' prob. I did have a good time with the 'fun little instrumentaly bridges'.. i'll try to work on rockin' out more and being less boring..
Thanks!

Pipefist (Wes) wrote:Hahaha. I love the silly country vocals. I'm sorry if you take offense to that...

No offense taken! I guess I didn't fight my tendencies in my voice to sing this way.. Thanks for the rest of the positive comments and I agree with a lot of your mix and structure comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the lyrics and that you took the time to listen to them, thanks!

Pipefist (Vaughn) wrote:Upon first listening, I wasnt really paying attention and the vocals made me laugh[...]The only criticism I have is that you should take out the reverb on your vox. This song is really bizarre in that, if you dont actually attentively listen it sounds off...

Glad you found amusement.. also, I agree, the vocals ended up way too reverby. Last minute mixes, yah! Thanks for the other structure comments.

EddieBangs wrote:Oof… sounds too country for my taste… No offense dude, I just can’t stand this type of music. It’s not you, it’s me- (haha). Sounds good for what it is…

Heh, man- this may sound funny, but I hadn't realized how country I can sometimes be.. I wasn't even really trying to enter a 'country song' but now its got me really analyzing my voice and singing style.. i think I may have slid towards country while I wasn't watching.. this song sorta just happened. No offense taken, thanks for the listen.

Manhattan Glutton wrote:Good for what it is, not my thing.

Cool.. hey thanks, i understand.

Carpetburn wrote: [...]this has some strong playing and singing, the small instrumental bits are sweet and there’s some good lines. I was tempted to skip this near the end.

Thanks. I'm glad for your comments about the playing and the instrumental bits you liked. Tempted to skip near end.. heh.. no! Yeah, this was a little longer than I really intended.. I agree with Pipefists comments about a shorter mix possiblity...

tviyh wrote:the vocal affectation kind of gets on my nerves, as does the bassline. otherwise, this song isn't bad. the story is sort of cute, except the fact that most of the problems that are listed are relatively minor, which is the source of humour considering the outcome, but then you say "brought home another slut", which really doesn't fit in with the rest of the lines (i.e. about the toilet seat and leaving underwear lying around). the other thing that irks me: does anybody actually make shaving cream anymore? and if they do, would they also have a computer? i seriously doubt it.

Yeah- regarding the vocal affectation- i'm not sure on what you mean by that.. I guess you mean that it sounds sorta country? Anyway, I'm not trying to do that style.. its what comes out if I don't try and temper it. I am attempting to NOT sing country style in this weeks entry.. we'll see how it goes. I'd like to learn more vocal style control.. thanks for the feedback. Lyrically, I note you found the flaws that I also am aware of in this song. I co-wrote the lyrics with my girlfriend based on exaggerations of her own experiences with roomates past. I brought up the same point about the unlikleyness of making shaving cream in this day and age with her as well! In the end I left it cuz it sorta grew on me and I liked its antiquated nature. But yeah, doesn't really fit.. not sure what your problem is with the 'slut' line..? anyway... thanks for the analysis..!

Wages wrote:Your voice makes it country-like. Nothing here grabs me much. The mix seems alright.

Damn my country voice! (joke) I think i've addressed the country points enough above. Thank you for checking it out.

Ross Durand wrote:This sounds like a draft of a Tom Russell song to me, partly the story part, partly vocal quality. Clean the dishes – yeah this isn’t working for me at this point. If this is supposed to be musical irony – serious delivery of a silly subject- it isn’t quite going there for me. OK

Not sure I know who tom russel is.. i'll google later. Anyway- I wasn't really attempting any musical irony. Maybe if I was it mighta worked better? I think this song might not had enough genre focus.. perhaps like I was trying to server too many masters on this one. Thanks for the comments.

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Okay, that wraps up those comments. Well, I had an awesome time putting this song together for my first entry. I look forward to many more and I thank you all again for listening and your comments.. especially the constructive and negative feedback! So much better than friends.

Congrats to Tiny Robots! They had a great song and I am not ashamed to have lost to it.

favorites from this fight: tiny robots, eddie
interesting, but no vote: doscientos, bjam, carpetburn, davec, rossd, pipefist
jerks who consistently submit to multiple fights despite being asked not to: spoons

-bill