----------

[wages]

My song............................
.........
...
....
.....
..ok...I had some beer........sa.........

I put together some drums. It doesn't quite sound right to me, so I'm sure to hear about it! The vocals were the 2nd take Wednesday morning. The guitar was about the 7th take Wednesday morning. And the drums were Thursday through Tuesday night! Geez, it's hard work not knowing what you're doing. But i did use a metronome, so if anyone wants the tune sans drums or guitar, I can make such a mix pretty easy. Any help on what it sounds like I'm doing wrong will help a lot.

<b>Add</b>
I don't like the crazy piano stuff about 1/3 in, but it's otherwiser a decent tune. I like the Steve Miller style guitar in the solo. I like your voice. The tune reminds me of Fastball.

<b>Blake Walker</b>
I like this tune a lot! I like all the voicings too. Really no criticisms. This might get my vote.

<b>Flvxxvm Florvm</b>
This is pure madness! (in a good way) My biggest problem is the guitar. If you could get a fuller sound (or guitar mixed a touch higher?) or, well, something I don't know how to describe, but if you could get it, I'd like it a lot more. I'm not trying to be obscure, honest.

<b>Jeff Travis Henderson</b>
I don't care of the "us" parts, but the rest of the song is very strong and a good usage of the song title. Too bad for your vote that Blake Walker (and perhaps someone else?) has something that really grabs me.

<b>John Benjamin Band</b>
It's interesting. Not the best song overall for the sake of writing a song, but the instrumentation is good, I just think something about the melody isn't quite grabbing. I'm actually digging the bridge-type part and the samples. Well now the song is grabbing me a little more. I think it starts out a little weak. It wants to reach a certain plateau, but it doesn't quite hit it in the vocals. I hope this is at all helpful.

<b>Johnny Cashpoint's Evil Twin</b>
When you get to "vermillion" it's good, but the first few measures were turning me off. Now I'm really liking it about 2 minutes in. It's very Twin Peaks. I just don't know about that "devil voice" in there. It's telling me to do things. Crazy things. Evil things. The keyboard stuff is great too.

<b>Jolly Roger</b>
No, I'm sorry, but no.

<b>Jordan Cooper</b>
Whine, whine, whiney voice! It's hookey for sure! For me, it's got too much hook. It's like a pop song.
EDIT: I'm sorry to slam your first entry, but when I first joined Songfight I was looking for honesty. And boy did I find it! Feel free to rip into me!

<b>Klownhole</b>
Jack Black induced metal-operaness. 50 seconds in. I like the instrumentation in this part. 1min.20 secon in, nice Pink Floyd riff. Now we got an almost Korn-type voice..just briefly. It's overdone, but that seems to be your aim. In that context, it's great.

<b>Lymph</b>
It's got a late 80s/early 90s sound. Don't knwo what else to say.

<b>Modern Alternatives</b>
The main vocal line needs a little more volume or a better mic. Otherwise, it's a nice (and really short) tune.

<b>Mr man & Dr Funk</b>
See, Chris Martin could do a different kind of song. But seriously, this is really nice. It's a happy little tune that I think I'll keep.

<b>Paco Del Stinko</b>
I like the story. A nice tune.

<b>Pigpen</b>
ooooooooooeeewwwww. The song would be better if all the music sounded more like it went together. I think the vocals are off, but I can't tell.

<b>Rabid Garfunkel</b>
Frank Zappa comes to mind. Cool trippiness part. Also oddly, David Byrne. Strangeness is good.

<b>Raised By Wolves</b>
I like this song. It's got a nice mood that I'm liking. I think the part that ends around 2 minutes in needs some work on the vocals. Whoa huge change! Would you consider your style somewhat progressive?

<b>Seamus Collective</b>
Too "medieval" sounding for my taste. The record blips are a nice touch.

<b>Smalltown Mike</b>
That's a lot of song for 1:06. Not bad, not great. Alright.

<b>Swilington</b>
I liked the intro, but it was a bit too long. When the wah is open, it sounds like a hose with a leak. Now I'm wondering if you're going to sing. Oh good, the leaky hose went away. And now singing! I don't know how I feel about this tune, but I am going to keep it and listen to it again later.

<b>Thanks For the Frisbee</b>
It sounds like "ah, ah, ah, ahhhhhh!" I like it. Wait a minute. "So we can have a conversation and not about laserations". I heard that line somewhere before. What's going on here? What's the story!? Other than my memory telling me there is some reuse or plagerism going on, it's a good tune. What's the story? Am I experiencing Deja Vu or is it the beer I'm drinking?

<b>Zipline</b>
The mixing is strange, on purpose? It's got it own kind of charm. I will probably listen to it some more later.

And the winners are (we're not all winners, check my previous 20 entries!):
Blake Walker (he gets my vote)
Mr man & Dr Funk
Johnny Cashpoint's Evil Twin
Rabid Garfunkel
Raised By Wolves
Thanks For the Frisbee
Jeff Travis Henderson
Swilington

[Jordo]

>>For me, it's got too much hook. It's like a pop song. <<


??? That was the idea. I take that as a compliment. I try to write pop songs. That's my....THING.

And yeah, the whine line was kind of making fun of myself, so yeah, i agree.

thanks,

-Jordan

[jeffhenderson]

Add - I really like this one. It is not only well-written, but it is pulled off really well. I especially love everything after the guitar solo. Way to be.

Blake Walker - This is pulled off very well, except maybe I would make the vocals a bit louder. It's a super-catchy piece of pop. My toes are tapping uncontrollably right now.

Flvxxvm Florvm - This one isn't really doing it for me, and I don't know why. I like the instrumentation and the guitar part and the lyrics and everything. I think my problem is it doesn't really sound like much thought went into the melody.

Jeff Travis Henderson - I wrote this one while I was recording it, which resulted in a different sound then some of my other stuff.

John Benjamin Band - This is my favorite one I've heard from you. Your voice works perfectly in this.

Johnny Cashpoint's Evil Twin - WTF? Once the jazz feel comes in a bit more it gets okay, but it's still a little weird for my tastes.

Jordan Cooper - This prooves that you don't need excessive instrumentation in order to have a nice catchy song. I am with you in digging simple pop songs. I'd like it better if you toned down the nasally tone.

Jolly Roger - Your last few entries have been good, especially your lyrics. However, this seems a little messy, I think it would be better with a few less guitars. I do like the harmonica, though.

Klownhole - I have no suggestions. It sounds like you got exactly what you were aiming for.

Lymph - Haha I'm surprised at how much I like this one. Would fit perfectly on the Wedding Singer soundtrack. Well done.

Modern Alternatives - I don't know how much you'll like hearing this, but it reminds me of some of Reliant K's newer stuff (which I think is alright). It's nice and short, too, which I like.

Mr. Man and Dr. Funk - Brilliant as always. The connection to the title seems a bit hazy, but I can't blame you for that. I like Luke's voice. It reminds me of the Flaming Lips song 'Do You Realize' a bit.

Paco Del Stinko - This isn't really doing it for me, although I do like that electric guitar riff that comes.

PiGPEN - It sounds like you could sing a melody that works with the music, so I am perplexed as to why you didn't.

Rabid Garfunkel - I may just be uncultured, but I'm not sure if this counts as music.

Raised By Wolves - Ohh this was so good. The vocals may be a little shakey, but it is completely redeemed by the rest of it. I really liked the instrumentation and production. Your choices with the drums were perfect. I really got into this one.

Seamus Collective - I appreciated everything that was going on, but it doesn't really stick out to me that much. It's a really nice listen, though.

Smalltown Mike - Short is good. But I wouldn't say it's one of your best.

Swillington - It's well-made, but it doesn't exactly hold the interest for eight minutes. Maybe I just have a short attention.

Thanks for the Frisbee - When you really like a band and you buy like some obscure anthology album that has like a bunch of different versions of their big hits. This sounds like Take One of what ends up being a great song later. It written well, but it seems to be lacking some momentum.

Wages - I really like the chord progression and also the melody. I might change a bit about the performance, but that doesn't change the fact that it's a good song.

Zipline - Uhhh I don't know. I might suggest changing your name to not the last one in the alphabet, because it's hard for me to tell if anything is good after 21 other reviews. It's obviously a bit messy, but it's not bad.

So in conclusion, the top 5 are:

1) Mr. Man and Dr. Funk
2) Raised By Wolves
3) Add
4) Blake Walker
5) Lymph


There were a few other good ones too (I'm looking at you, John Benjamin, Jolly Roger, Jordan Cooper and Thanks For the Frisbee).

[Reist]

Wow. I didn't realize my song sucked this much. I might have to listen more critically to it next time.

By the way, I'm digging Klownhole and Raised By Wolves a lot this week.

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Ha! That was an entertaining review Jeff Henderson, thank you.

[Thanks For The Frisbee]

great fight

[Thanks For The Frisbee]

<b>Thanks For the Frisbee</b>
It sounds like "ah, ah, ah, ahhhhhh!" I like it. Wait a minute. "So we can have a conversation and not about laserations". I heard that line somewhere before. What's going on here? What's the story!? Other than my memory telling me there is some reuse or plagerism going on, it's a good tune. What's the story? Am I experiencing Deja Vu or is it the beer I'm drinking?

thanks for the review, and honorable mention
well my only answer is no, i didnt knowingly steal that line from anywhere. if i did then it is a coincidence. although if i were a betting man i would put my money on the odds that someone out there had used a ryhme with conversation and laceration.

jeff henderson, thank you for the review as well ( and the honorable mention )
] . what do you think could add some momentum to this song?
i really dont make songs this way normally so any suggestions would help me so much in future indeavors. thanks again

[jeffhenderson]

[quote="Thanks For The Frisbee
jeff henderson, thank you for the review as well ( and the honorable mention )
] . what do you think could add some momentum to this song?
i really dont make songs this way normally so any suggestions would help me so much in future indeavors. thanks again[/quote]

Hmmm... I'm not exactly an expert at this either, but I'll try giving you a couple ideas. Maybe a different drum beat would work better, or maybe even adding a shaker (or some other element with 16th notes). Or maybe just try upping the tempo a bit.

[Jordo]

Man this is fun.

I have a nasally voice!! I can't lose it!!! It's just how I sing. I sound like a boy. I will never sound like a man. I can't help it!


But anyway I'm glad i found this site, its really cool and may get me writing songs more often again. Also I'm amazed by the quality of all the entries. And I very much like the honest reviews.


-Jordan

[Thanks For The Frisbee]

thanks jeff
i will remember to try and apply your suggestions next time

[roymond]

not sure these will be particularly useful, but I enjoyed this session a great deal:

<b>raised by wolves</b> - damn nice drums and all. "down graded storm headed back to sea" is a familiar sense. The drums and synth are a bit too removed from each other, but then when the orchestra comes in...wham!!! loving this looking out over the Reforma. This is a great wall of sound, my friend. Something very ELP (sorry, had to say it)

<b>thanks for the frisbee</b> - I like all the counter parts and the space, but there's something missing, the glue, the epoxy. I hear Jerry Harrison keys (Frankie got me into this thing about hearing TH keys over everything)

<b>jb</b> - not used to your voice smashed like this, but loving it. omg I love this. There always a sense of restraint or timidness within the angst, and wow, this is power JB! your voice gets lost a bit in this bridge. This is an instant fave. talking heads AGAIN! I can't shake them.

<b>paco stinko</b> - this is a very retro sounding fight. I'm having flashbacks of the 70s prog-pop-new wave-hipster sub culture I miss so...lovely textures here with the stereo expansion vocals and steve howe slide. Yes. no Heads...Yes. Super's Ready? omg

<b>seamus collective</b> - love this backwards mellotron thingy in the right channel. And this Jethro Tull vibe keeps the theme goin. I love the atmospherics and the spacial effects. and that crackling, i like that kind of irritant...

<friends don't let friends review drunk>

<b>add</b> - i find the sections have little differentiators, and it all seems to keep rolling along too long. but then a welcome solo interuption...all too short. Also welcome claps. I like the details but the over all canvas is too similar. oh, man, great ending! but it doesn't really fit into my theme tonight.

<b>mr man and dr funk</b> - lush and full, i'm getting confy. but the repetitive 5-3-5-3-5-3-5-3 is a bit much. beautiful though.

<b>jolly roger</b> - like the snorty distorted guitar under the clean acoustics. your mixes are getting really good. not enough bass. is there any bass? no, not enough. funny, but there's room for a joan biaz slot in my theme park tonight. I can't follow the lyric but i like it.

<b>rabid garfunkel</b> - this makes me feels guilty. or paranoid. certainly small. this is the Gary Numan outtake and it fits the theme! I'm feeling nostalgic and this feels right at home. the crash cymbals are pretty unrestrained. love that garbage lid sound. and the synth. cool, thanks!

<b>klownhole</b> - talk about nostalgia! oh how I pine for the days you warmed up for me in Seattle. It made my job so much easier. I love this second section here with the key on 2 and 4. you're making me smile at 1 am and i got up at 5 am.

wow, this was fun! I forgot what its all about. JB has it. all of it.

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Hey thanks, Roymond! Was reading Data Smog by David Shenk last week and it just kinda bled through, heh.

Reviews forthcoming.

[wages]

I have a nasally voice!! I can't lose it!!! It's just how I sing. I sound like a boy. I will never sound like a man. I can't help it!

If there really is no way around it, there must be ways to make it work for you. There are several punk and emo bands with a somewhat similar nasalness in the vox. It *could* be a matter of determining what kind of melodies work best nasally.

Billy Corgan (of Smashing Pumpkins and Zwan) has a very odd whinny-like voice but it works beautifully.

A few more examples of great songwriters with so-so voices include Bob Dylan and Tom Waits, but what they lose in asthetics, they gain in songwriting, delivery, and emotion.

So don't be discouraged! Chin up! Just put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking on that stage!

Please, someone chime in if you have another perspective.

[Lunkhead]

My favorites so far are ADD, The JBB, RxW, and Mr. Man and Dr. Funk. What's up with the endings of all those songs, though? The JBB and MM&DF have a bunch of extra silence at the end of their files (give or take a thunder clap), the ADD slowdown outro doesn't really work for me, and RxW rock out part sounds like it's peaking out all over the place. Come on, people! Anyway, great songs.

[jb]

My song has a special guest star. Can you guess who is the lady counting to see how far away the storm is?

[Lunkhead]

I will make the obvious guess: is it your ladyfriend?

[boltoph]

My song has a special guest star. Can you guess who is the lady counting to see how far away the storm is?

I suspect that it's you, dressed in drag, speaking in a highly refined, trained falsetto...

[wages]

<friends don't let friends review drunk>

Is that MY song's review?

[jb]

I will make the obvious guess: is it your ladyfriend?

Newp, it's someone you may have met. It's someone who is in a Song Fight band, and she lives in the Pacific Northwest and it's not Rachel.

[Jordo]

>>If there really is no way around it, there must be ways to make it work for you. There are several punk and emo bands with a somewhat similar nasalness in the vox. It *could* be a matter of determining what kind of melodies work best nasally. <<


?!?! My god. I LIKE my voice. I think it DOES work for me. I've been writing/performing for years....I am quite comfortable with how I sing. It's just no one here seems to be...

This isn't like a problem people need to help me deal with. It's not like a heroin addiction or something


-Jordan

[jb]

I think somebody just misread your comment as a lamentation and request for advice. Wages must have been joking, because it's obviously a pop song.

[Seamus.]

Regarding the Seamus Collective song, Ross will be fielding questions this week. It's really a Rosssong with strings made in Evil-E's Laboratory. I didn't have squat to do with it, except for that one vocal line which Ross ordered. I love the song. I think it's effective. Ross?

I'm on Johnny Cashpoint's Evil, etc. right now, and I love it, as I did Add Music and Blake Walker, and really most of them so far. Great fight so far, you guys. Oh! John Benjamin Band's is great. I don't know whether or not there's a "best" in here yet. Stand by.