The Song Fight Bulletin Board

Was my story up tharr ^^^ (edit: over tharr <<<) too long to read, or was it not a good story? Did I take to long to get to the punchline? Was the punchline so lame that it ruined the story? Should I drink less coffee in the morning?

Proper paragraph breaks would be nice.

I'm like the king of that shit, and I couldn't even get through it.

anti-m wrote:

Hoblit wrote: <b>M:</b> I knew that the city was in both states... but I'm not sure exactly why I needed to know the ratio just now!

Heh -- It's not as bad as people telling me I'm from "the East Coast" because I grew up in Chicago.

The coast of Lake Michigan?

In Queensland they just lump all people from the southern states together as 'cockroachs' - ie. undesirable creatures that come up through the floorboards.

fluffy wrote:Proper paragraph breaks would be nice.

Show me. I like to write, but I'm not a writer. I did edit it a few more times correcting misspelled words that I caught. I need an official proof reader, lol. Songs are so much easier.

By the way, that story is 99% true. It goes into to fantasy towards the end about being an alien implant. I know who my Dad is. But I do feel like I have a greater purpose and wonder why I'm here.

Oh, you fixed the paragraph breaks since the last time I saw your post. I didn't see any reason to go back and look at it again. Which I just did. It's pretty retarded.

I fixed it, fluffy. I had to just to be able to read it.

SPUD

Billy's Little Trip wrote:It goes into to fantasy towards the end about being an alien implant. I know who my Dad is. But I do feel like I have a greater purpose and wonder why I'm here.

hey billy, here's your answer.

Well, they just called Obama in South Carolina. Yay!

jack wrote:

Billy's Little Trip wrote:It goes into to fantasy towards the end about being an alien implant. I know who my Dad is. But I do feel like I have a greater purpose and wonder why I'm here.

hey billy, here's your answer.

Ha! I do heal myself, but I'm not interested in anything that requires you to do stuff. If I can't save the world from my couch, then the world will have to just find some other way.

What does he mean by "out of the arena"?

Thanks Spud, much better! *right click, copy and paste*

anti-m wrote:

Hoblit wrote: <b>M:</b> I knew that the city was in both states... but I'm not sure exactly why I needed to know the ratio just now!

Heh -- It's not as bad as people telling me I'm from "the East Coast" because I grew up in Chicago.

The coast of Lake Michigan?

Don't mind me, I am drunk and that didn't even read like I had it in my mind when I typed it.

/I'll get you and your little dog too.

fluffy wrote:It's pretty retarded.

NO you are! ..........YOU!

On a plus note, I single handedly took "how ever long it took you to read it" away from you. I'm drunk with power. Don't ask for your "how ever long it took you to read it" time back, because I'ma keepin' it.

Funny how when you're writing something, it seems pretty good. But then when you get some honest opinions, you realize, it's not so much.

Well, I liked it.

Well thank you James. What should I name that story? I'm writing a children's book for messed up kids.
I'm thinking:
#1. Mind Over Shatter
#2. Yoda Soda
#3. Look Mom, No Hands
#4. All I Wanted Was A 7-Up
#5. Prepubescent Pop Powers

By the way, did you notice the time dating and regional facts in that story? I haven't called a "soda" a "pop" since I was a kid in Ohio. Glass bottles, bottle opener, etc. It's filled with them by design.

You're like two peas in a pod, you are.

Careful there, Mr Fluffy pea.