Re: Rest is Peace (Peace is Rest reviews)
Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 11:58 pm
Ok gave up sleep to get reviews in. Warning I am quite harsh this week. I just felt that too many people had ideas that didn't click properly and I don't pull punches because music is just too damn important to sugarcoat. A is something worth putting on radio. B is a group to watch. C is not going to get many gigs but ok at what they do. D is heavily flawed. F is just terrible.
Dunce - The synth is and drums are well sculpted to fit your lyrics. And you do have nice emotional delivery. Very well done overall, I could see this on the radio. But I don't think this was done in a week. Just too much nicely executed stuff. Including time spent on scripting and story. If you did crank this out for the contest then props to you, this is the best done piece this week. One weakness in the song is there are two lines in a row that end with don't know shit or ain't worth shit. That sounded structurally weak and dunno how that made it in when the rest was so polished. A+ (not sure if I will give a vote since I never heard 'Peace in Rest'. Rest Peacefully is not the same thing and is a lot easier to work around.)
Manhattan Glutten - The early intro was lacking. The bass has no mid frequencies and there is just nothing going on in mid to high range. A background part (synth apagio?) or a fuller bass sound would help in building the first 15 seconds up. Another issue with the intro is the overuse of man at very start> Man, it is said like 5 times? What the hell, man? I like when you kick into the full NIN blast of industrial music. Nice stacking of many parts to make a cohesive whole. Even there I think the bass sounded a little thin though. A bit of fuzz or just some more middle might have given it more oomph. Your singing on the "And in my dreams" falsetto felt weak on pitch. It was mostly on pitch but I was hesitant. If you had just nailed those pitches or sounded better supported it would have been beautiful. A (VOTE)
Just in Case - Mixed bit lower than other entries. Loved the funky harmonies and guitar. The bass and percussion were really soft like you live miked live jam band for the intro. (Which you didn't but it was a lot like a room mike at a concert only gets certain parts.) The piano section was not a great transition. To much of a shift there and the drums just ignored the change in feel as if they were a drum machine or just not nuanced enough to inforperate something as a nod to the change in feel. Overall I really appreciate your entry and despite some flaw I think this really hit the topic well and made it feel not like an awkward phrase at all. B+ (VOTE)
Chopped Liver Meat God - I like the melodically ambiguous guitars and it had me nodding along. The vocal part was the weakness of this song. As experimental as the vocals felt like they were going for they really needed to be nailing pitches to really carry the atonal feel without feeling like missed notes. (Yeah that seems counterintuitive but a good dissonant or atonal part sounds best when it is really flawlessly executed, this just felt vocally sloppy while the rest of it felt quite good. Heck I liked the vocal part's concept but it might have been better auto tuned.) The stacked harmonies were slightly out of tune with each other and that just made the vocals stick out even more as the flaw here. C+
Idiot Kings - Heh, this reminds me strongly of a song from a videogame... Mayne Xenosaga? It also has a vague Tear for Fears feel. A minute and a half in I think the music needs a new idea to mix things up and keep things going. It felt a bit monotonous around there and felt better 30 seconds later when it changed up the synth part. A bit more variation and this could have been quite interesting. Not a bunch of big flaws but I am not a fan of the style either so you only get a C- from me.
Cock - Ok another synth heavy song from the 80s. I loathe the 80s pop music but this is well done despite my personal dislike for the genre. Vocals at "Peace is rest Rest is Death" sounded wrong for the song. I think it was too little processing for the genre. One minute in the electric whine keyboard voice was really vile my computer almost spit out its sound card to save itself. If I liked the style I think this song would have had serious legs. B-
Chekhov's Raygun - I don't like the Musical backing on this song. The 8 bit synth + heavy guitar is a hilarious mix but don't blend very well. The component parts of the backing music just do not make a cohesive whole. The vocals are the strongest part this time but they just didn't grab me. I did get a few chuckles here and there but the delivery should change up some to draw attention. I know Front a Lot sometimes had a singing part to change things up. Dirge just used pure heart rending delivery of hard hitting situations. You need to figure out a way to make your rhymes hit with that same impact. Either through contrast or delivery technique. Try playing around with techniques used by artists you like. Switch things up some, try to flow, then try to spit bombast, then try singing. Find what works for you. You are not there yet but your delivery is getting better each week. C
Shitload of Dolphins - The semi dissonant sing song style is very much like what i used to write. The percussion part is somewhat weak. (Was that just thumping and muted strumming on guitar and some tambourine? If so then that is a pretty creative way to get some percussion and a nice change from the a generic drum machine sound on many of these tracks.) Your vocals feel a bit thin. I think the vocal weakness may be due to your delivery technique. With better technique I think you could sound a lot fuller. No real easy tips for you otherwise, I have the same problem and have yet to fill out my sound as I have never stuck with lessons long enough.. C
State Shirt - This song is a bit introspective feeling. It takes a minute to start going and it doesn't build up until 3 and a half minutes in for heavens sake. How many people are gonna listen that long while checking contest entries? A pretty song but a bit laid back for the forum. I really think fight entries need to grab people in the first few seconds to have much chance. B-
Adam - Wow a lot of technical flaws from you this week. Both Guitar/Bass panned too far to the side. The drum machine sound doesn't blend well with the rest of the sound. A less gated drum sound would have helped and a higher reverb or delay would have made it fit better with the other parts. Stylistically too soft / introspective for a fight entry for the same reasons I said to state shirt. Nothing really drew me in. C-
Mister Mann - A bit of a beach luau sound here. I liked the use of the maraca as a like percussion part but the song didn't really grab me. When you hold out longer pitches you are slightly bending the pitch. Try singing to a guitar tuner sometime to see what I am talking about. Or better yet record yourself holding out notes like this when you add a slight swell to the vocal part and then watch what the tuner says you are doing to the pitch. C-
Ukulele train and the men - Vocals sound a bit far off. Sounds like it was recorded live with a room mike. I generally prefer close miking everything and mixing them bit hot. You have nice sounding vocalists you should show them off rather than having them way back in the mix. Good vocal technique and control. Only the recording and mixing components seem to suffer here. Probably a B performance but a D for studio technique and mastering. So overall a C.
Just Bcz - I enjoyed this entry. I feel very strong Frontalot styling to the vocals part. However that pulls attention to the fact that the musical backing is weak compared to Frontalot's DJs. A bit more variation to the music backing would help carry this. Also rappers ranting on the sad state of rap has become a well worn groove. It is hard to tread new ground when your subject material makes you feel derivative. I also find it amusing that while critiquing the effort people put into making songs you don't seem like you have spent enough time editing or revising lyrics. Maybe I am being too harsh because you evoke too much of one of my heroes (Frontalot) so I hold you to the standards I expect of his works. (Front has very good writing. Dude was a freaking English major. He could teach a freaking year long course on how to remove extraneous fluff.) Some parts of your rap are good but others belabor the point and spend needless time on something that can be conveyed much more succinctly. That moved the song from being good to almost self satire. Also the sing song part of the song suffered from being out of tune. First Time I listened this was one of my favorites but after a couple listens this feels more like a C. A few more changes to the backing music and some tightening on the lyrics and this sucker could have been a B.
Hate Noise - Why is this mixed so low? I had to triple the volume to hear this well. I liked the Mariachi feel to the first half of the song but the song itself just didn't really grab me. I do wonder if the soft mixing level was deliberate so that that damn vuvuzela would drive me nuts later. Kinda amusing gag but not really a strong song otherwise. C
New result - The music would be better on its own without the electronic voice. Hell the addition of some clever stops in the musical structure would have gotten me to like you more> The repeating vocal clips are annoying. Not quite as annoying as the horn in the last tune but this goes all the way through your piece and just weakens it. D
Young Stroke - Your flow has pauses which ruins what you are trying to do stylistically. Awkward pauses break the momentum of smooth rap. Also some the rhymes felt simple in nature. No inner pattern sub-rhymes, no complex vocabulary. Those are two areas where smooth rap "flow" artists excel.. Instead this comes across like a frat boy trying to rap. D
Who Izzy - saturated track == bad. This is worse than the darn vuvuzela. My headache is now killing me. The last 3 tracks all had headache inducing segments and this distortion is just killing me. The entire thing was mixed too high. The music could have used a bit more variation. It wasn't bad music, it just wasn't something I would rap over normally. Also variation in the backing track helps accentuate or transition the story in the lyrics. also the lyrical delivery came off a bit flat. Try varying your style, explore some different techniques. It sounds like you need a bit more variation in your delivery manner. F
Queef - I hated this the first time I heard it. But the cleverness of some of the rhyme combos later grew on me. This time the song made me grin. I wound up relistening and nodding along to the first minute. Though when the song goes to disco style at 1:20 it falls apart. The falsetto voice section was weak compared to the cleverness of the found rhyme combos. C
Dunce - The synth is and drums are well sculpted to fit your lyrics. And you do have nice emotional delivery. Very well done overall, I could see this on the radio. But I don't think this was done in a week. Just too much nicely executed stuff. Including time spent on scripting and story. If you did crank this out for the contest then props to you, this is the best done piece this week. One weakness in the song is there are two lines in a row that end with don't know shit or ain't worth shit. That sounded structurally weak and dunno how that made it in when the rest was so polished. A+ (not sure if I will give a vote since I never heard 'Peace in Rest'. Rest Peacefully is not the same thing and is a lot easier to work around.)
Manhattan Glutten - The early intro was lacking. The bass has no mid frequencies and there is just nothing going on in mid to high range. A background part (synth apagio?) or a fuller bass sound would help in building the first 15 seconds up. Another issue with the intro is the overuse of man at very start> Man, it is said like 5 times? What the hell, man? I like when you kick into the full NIN blast of industrial music. Nice stacking of many parts to make a cohesive whole. Even there I think the bass sounded a little thin though. A bit of fuzz or just some more middle might have given it more oomph. Your singing on the "And in my dreams" falsetto felt weak on pitch. It was mostly on pitch but I was hesitant. If you had just nailed those pitches or sounded better supported it would have been beautiful. A (VOTE)
Just in Case - Mixed bit lower than other entries. Loved the funky harmonies and guitar. The bass and percussion were really soft like you live miked live jam band for the intro. (Which you didn't but it was a lot like a room mike at a concert only gets certain parts.) The piano section was not a great transition. To much of a shift there and the drums just ignored the change in feel as if they were a drum machine or just not nuanced enough to inforperate something as a nod to the change in feel. Overall I really appreciate your entry and despite some flaw I think this really hit the topic well and made it feel not like an awkward phrase at all. B+ (VOTE)
Chopped Liver Meat God - I like the melodically ambiguous guitars and it had me nodding along. The vocal part was the weakness of this song. As experimental as the vocals felt like they were going for they really needed to be nailing pitches to really carry the atonal feel without feeling like missed notes. (Yeah that seems counterintuitive but a good dissonant or atonal part sounds best when it is really flawlessly executed, this just felt vocally sloppy while the rest of it felt quite good. Heck I liked the vocal part's concept but it might have been better auto tuned.) The stacked harmonies were slightly out of tune with each other and that just made the vocals stick out even more as the flaw here. C+
Idiot Kings - Heh, this reminds me strongly of a song from a videogame... Mayne Xenosaga? It also has a vague Tear for Fears feel. A minute and a half in I think the music needs a new idea to mix things up and keep things going. It felt a bit monotonous around there and felt better 30 seconds later when it changed up the synth part. A bit more variation and this could have been quite interesting. Not a bunch of big flaws but I am not a fan of the style either so you only get a C- from me.
Cock - Ok another synth heavy song from the 80s. I loathe the 80s pop music but this is well done despite my personal dislike for the genre. Vocals at "Peace is rest Rest is Death" sounded wrong for the song. I think it was too little processing for the genre. One minute in the electric whine keyboard voice was really vile my computer almost spit out its sound card to save itself. If I liked the style I think this song would have had serious legs. B-
Chekhov's Raygun - I don't like the Musical backing on this song. The 8 bit synth + heavy guitar is a hilarious mix but don't blend very well. The component parts of the backing music just do not make a cohesive whole. The vocals are the strongest part this time but they just didn't grab me. I did get a few chuckles here and there but the delivery should change up some to draw attention. I know Front a Lot sometimes had a singing part to change things up. Dirge just used pure heart rending delivery of hard hitting situations. You need to figure out a way to make your rhymes hit with that same impact. Either through contrast or delivery technique. Try playing around with techniques used by artists you like. Switch things up some, try to flow, then try to spit bombast, then try singing. Find what works for you. You are not there yet but your delivery is getting better each week. C
Shitload of Dolphins - The semi dissonant sing song style is very much like what i used to write. The percussion part is somewhat weak. (Was that just thumping and muted strumming on guitar and some tambourine? If so then that is a pretty creative way to get some percussion and a nice change from the a generic drum machine sound on many of these tracks.) Your vocals feel a bit thin. I think the vocal weakness may be due to your delivery technique. With better technique I think you could sound a lot fuller. No real easy tips for you otherwise, I have the same problem and have yet to fill out my sound as I have never stuck with lessons long enough.. C
State Shirt - This song is a bit introspective feeling. It takes a minute to start going and it doesn't build up until 3 and a half minutes in for heavens sake. How many people are gonna listen that long while checking contest entries? A pretty song but a bit laid back for the forum. I really think fight entries need to grab people in the first few seconds to have much chance. B-
Adam - Wow a lot of technical flaws from you this week. Both Guitar/Bass panned too far to the side. The drum machine sound doesn't blend well with the rest of the sound. A less gated drum sound would have helped and a higher reverb or delay would have made it fit better with the other parts. Stylistically too soft / introspective for a fight entry for the same reasons I said to state shirt. Nothing really drew me in. C-
Mister Mann - A bit of a beach luau sound here. I liked the use of the maraca as a like percussion part but the song didn't really grab me. When you hold out longer pitches you are slightly bending the pitch. Try singing to a guitar tuner sometime to see what I am talking about. Or better yet record yourself holding out notes like this when you add a slight swell to the vocal part and then watch what the tuner says you are doing to the pitch. C-
Ukulele train and the men - Vocals sound a bit far off. Sounds like it was recorded live with a room mike. I generally prefer close miking everything and mixing them bit hot. You have nice sounding vocalists you should show them off rather than having them way back in the mix. Good vocal technique and control. Only the recording and mixing components seem to suffer here. Probably a B performance but a D for studio technique and mastering. So overall a C.
Just Bcz - I enjoyed this entry. I feel very strong Frontalot styling to the vocals part. However that pulls attention to the fact that the musical backing is weak compared to Frontalot's DJs. A bit more variation to the music backing would help carry this. Also rappers ranting on the sad state of rap has become a well worn groove. It is hard to tread new ground when your subject material makes you feel derivative. I also find it amusing that while critiquing the effort people put into making songs you don't seem like you have spent enough time editing or revising lyrics. Maybe I am being too harsh because you evoke too much of one of my heroes (Frontalot) so I hold you to the standards I expect of his works. (Front has very good writing. Dude was a freaking English major. He could teach a freaking year long course on how to remove extraneous fluff.) Some parts of your rap are good but others belabor the point and spend needless time on something that can be conveyed much more succinctly. That moved the song from being good to almost self satire. Also the sing song part of the song suffered from being out of tune. First Time I listened this was one of my favorites but after a couple listens this feels more like a C. A few more changes to the backing music and some tightening on the lyrics and this sucker could have been a B.
Hate Noise - Why is this mixed so low? I had to triple the volume to hear this well. I liked the Mariachi feel to the first half of the song but the song itself just didn't really grab me. I do wonder if the soft mixing level was deliberate so that that damn vuvuzela would drive me nuts later. Kinda amusing gag but not really a strong song otherwise. C
New result - The music would be better on its own without the electronic voice. Hell the addition of some clever stops in the musical structure would have gotten me to like you more> The repeating vocal clips are annoying. Not quite as annoying as the horn in the last tune but this goes all the way through your piece and just weakens it. D
Young Stroke - Your flow has pauses which ruins what you are trying to do stylistically. Awkward pauses break the momentum of smooth rap. Also some the rhymes felt simple in nature. No inner pattern sub-rhymes, no complex vocabulary. Those are two areas where smooth rap "flow" artists excel.. Instead this comes across like a frat boy trying to rap. D
Who Izzy - saturated track == bad. This is worse than the darn vuvuzela. My headache is now killing me. The last 3 tracks all had headache inducing segments and this distortion is just killing me. The entire thing was mixed too high. The music could have used a bit more variation. It wasn't bad music, it just wasn't something I would rap over normally. Also variation in the backing track helps accentuate or transition the story in the lyrics. also the lyrical delivery came off a bit flat. Try varying your style, explore some different techniques. It sounds like you need a bit more variation in your delivery manner. F
Queef - I hated this the first time I heard it. But the cleverness of some of the rhyme combos later grew on me. This time the song made me grin. I wound up relistening and nodding along to the first minute. Though when the song goes to disco style at 1:20 it falls apart. The falsetto voice section was weak compared to the cleverness of the found rhyme combos. C
I'll concede I fucked up the bass tone on this one, but I'm pretty happy with the clean bass tone at the end - it's much better there, right? We should trade tones!