The Song Fight Bulletin Board

...no clearmountain pause.

Um, I'm new here and misunderstood. I thought the Clearmountain Pause was a challenge to write a second song for this fifth title, with a clearmountain pause. Which I almost did, and am of course glad I didn't.

Which is too bad for me, because the perfect spot for the clearmountain pause in my Pasty White Man would be after the second quiet part (before the bridge). I may just go back and stick one in (and fix some other stuff that's been pointed out to me.)

But I know better now, and this week won't make the mistake of writing a second song called "Don't Make Fun of Opera."

BCC,

Yours came first so here you go. Other reviews are forthcoming.

The overall sound seems weak for some reason. I am suspecting something is going wrong in the recording process (mixing perhaps). Also the bass which has a nice riff is fairly lost. Not so keen on the sound of the main riff, a simple distorted guitar would have been a lot better; this was obviously sequenced, and since it's not an electronica tune it needs to be a bit more organic. The vocal part was a good sound, but would benefit from some more takes to nail it right, however I think the rhythm has to go, it just doesn't seem to fit (which is probably why it's off with the vocal). Maybe use the rhythm from the bass part, which seems more suited.

On the good side, the lyrics are kinda awesome! The stereotype of the "pasty white man" (businessman, controller...) is well expressed with edges of ambiguity (is it "makes a lot of sense" or "cents", or both I'm guessing). Particularly liked the line "Pasty white man put tuna in a can" and the non-sequiturs that make up chorus are wonderful.

MintyHandy wrote:Phunt Your Friends ...no clearmountain pause.

Thanks for the only useful review thus far. I must point out that there is a definite Clearmountain pause, right after the pasty white man says "You get the picture, don't you?"

phuntyourfriends

This is a great piece for someone who has interest in non traditional song forms.

Besides the great voice sample (I am guessing that it is a sample, although I fear you might be exceeding the legal limit on usage); the backround effects, drums, and music work well with the voice. Especially liked the the choral voices when he's says "supernatural powers". Just an example of how the backround is supporting the vocal. Also the recording itself seems practically complete. Well done!

Phuntdonttell

Really good idea you guys had on this, I have to give the edge to the phuntyourfriends. It seems the backround was a bit more sophisticated and worked better. One great part is where he says "it just so happens that that physical object was Bill" too funny!


Molsen Twins

Love the name by the way. You've probably heard that before but it bears repeating. Your song has a great structure to it and some great lyrics, especially liked the chorus parts with the littany of abuses and transgressions that occur throughout the world. The voice while certainly good did have some kind of 80s feel to it (up to the chorus that is) which didn't work to well for me, but I think that's more my taste than an actual criticism. Great drumming by the way. It's kind of high in the mix, but goes well with the vocal.

Songfight Orchestra

At 44 seconds this definately leaves me wanting more, but it does make the point. The intro had a great sound to it that runs through the song. Want to hear more of that. Ended quite well too. I think I am missing something with some of the lyrics, but they are basically fine.

Yourmamasmuzak

This really didn't work for me so well as a song as such, although the guitar part in the beginning was good. I am thinking that the vocals are a joke, sorry if that's not the case, just my impression. Started to work better when you alternated the voice and guitar at the very end. Also, just cannot get the lyrics at all, although that's not really a criticism.

Primative Screwheads

This was a good idea. It's probably better than the actual theme song. Lyrically I think it really good, but it does seem to get old after a while. Especially if your familiar with all the lines in movie. Musically, I like the little groove in the begining and then it turned into a kind a cheesy electric thing, but it works for the subject. The vocals have a Talking Heads feel certainly more in the begining. The pause does lead to a decent conclusion, but by that time I was a bit bored on the subject, not sure how you could fix that but definately worthwhile.

Luco Brazzi

This just works in a lot of ways. Great delivery and use of samples. Especially liked the fake kid voice which came in at just the right times. The beat and flow work completely well as does the overall production quality. Loved the line about giving all your money to Musician's Friend, just so true! Hard to believe this was done in a few days! Great job.

Hostess Mostess

Well I have to say that I have listened to your entry so much that I have taken a lot longer to review that I thought it would. Basically your vocal delivery, the guitar playing, production work great. Unfortunately, because I like that so much I was put off by some of the lyrics and the idea behind the song, but I think it's definately a workable thing. The lyric "don't ask for seconds from a tiny tin can" is great. I don't want to get to picky about the lyrics though unless you want (pm me then) because I'm thinking it's pretty good for the time you had.

SmallTown Mike

Good singing, drumming, and guitar. Not so sure if a slacker who lives at home too long is really the image I get of the Pasty White Man. For some reason I think of that person as the controlling businesman/politician who is 'pasty' because he's always in the office and never gets outside. The character in your song seems to be more of a 'twixter' than a Pasty White Man. Basically I think you need a different hook to describe that person, but hey, I realize that was what you were given!

unrelated to previous post ...

I smell a ff coming on. And not even the dirty anacronym either. Time will prove me right or wrong ....

Related to previous post (or maybe the one before it)
I find it a little sad that people assume that simply because someone doesn't like a particular 'experimental' song they don't like any 'experimental' songs. Or that an 'experimental' song is good simply because it vaguely fits down that person's narrow 'experimental song' bandwidth

Well, hey quiet on the reviews, thought the least I could do was kickstart a flame war.

j$

What is sad is that we are probably using the term within slightly different theoretical frameworks whereby you didn't find the aforementioned entries particularly experimental and I did. Since we are not privy to each other's experience we naturally disagree on that point. What is truly is sad is that you want to make some sort of "fight" out of it. It sad but predictable.

Blatant Revival wrote:What is truly is sad is that you want to make some sort of "fight" out of it. It sad but predictable.

No, not really. I am merely offering an alternative point of view. Feel free to state your opinion, as you have done. I feel free to do the same, which I have done. Tone takes a lot of things to places they were never meant to go - eg

me wrote:thought the least I could do was kickstart a flame war.

was intended as a cutesy 'I'm not trying to start a flamewar' reverse-psychology ploy.

Whereas

you wrote:the line I quoted above

could be interpreted/misinterpreted, within context, as an implication that those who disagree with your point are more bellicose / less well versed than others. probably not meant that way, but that's the point I'm trying to make.

One could also interpret the shift from one post where you say "This is a great piece for someone who has interest in non traditional song forms." to another where you point out that discussing such a point is pointless because of differing interpretations of what "non traditional song forms" might be, is invalidating your argument ... but that's perhaps a little petty

j$

MC Fancy Boy and Ry Guy

Obviously this is a wip so there's lot's of work to do which you probably know about.

Not sure about the chorus part; is it Count Basic or Count Basie you are refering to? Neither works too well. The flow that ends with the bit about 'savin the stem cells' was funny, the bit 'a shot in the heart is vitamin c'...really good; and the best was the 'tight mike' part, loved that.

One other thing, there's enough promise here to work out something great, so I encourage you to continue with it, for what that's worth.

Don't know why you want to continue with this, but just because I point out that we probably have different theoretical frameworks as evinced by the fact that you responded to my review of a song negatively doesn't "invalidate" my argument. You obviously don't know what it takes to invalidate an argument. Your bad. There is a difference between it being pointless to discuss something in general, and it being pointless to discuss something with you. Anyway, I'm thru black shoe I'm thru.

Blatant Revival wrote:you responded to my review of a song negatively doesn't "invalidate" my argument.

Actually, I didn't. I was letting my mind wander around a point that has been perplexing me recently, triggered by your post, something which I realised that my original 'related to previous post' comment implied otherwise. My stress was on the 'related to', but the lay-out of the post might suggest otherwise - That was my bad - so I just popped back to apologise for it, but then i saw this

There is a difference between it being pointless to discuss something in general, and it being pointless to discuss something with you.

and fear I was right all along - still, fair dos.

j$

Blatant Revival wrote:REVIEWS

Hey there,

Could you put all of your reviews for one fight in one post? It makes it easier to skim the thread, especially since other people post in between and break up the flow.

If you are listening to them at different times, you could always edit a pre-existing post of yours.

Sure no problem.

j$ wrote:I smell a ff coming on.

That old trick knee aching again? Should we batten down the shutters? Heh. All I can say is "Only one?" Damn... that's just as cryptic.

And on that note, can someone please clearly define a Clearmountain Pause? Come on, Deep Throat, please? The damage is done. The fights are recorded and submitted.

It's driving me sane.

MintyHandy wrote:This is EightLeggedOctopus, yes? I always seem to find your voice and vocal melodies to be distinctive and compelling -- someday when I get stuck on a vocal melody, I'm sending you my music to see if you can save it.

Yeah, the jig is up. It is I. BTW, Minty, I'm still amazed at how awesomely you flowed OLVCP into a catchy chorus. I highly esteem your opinion as a lyricist. I'll work with you any time.

I sang so terribly for many years, it is really rewarding to be at the point where I feel I have an instrument in the voice. I am harsh on vocalists on SF particularly because I've been there and I'm still getting through it. Somebody had to shake my skull around and teach me what intonation was. Now I am improving finally.

EightLeggedOedipus wrote:Somebody had to shake my skull around and teach me what intonation was. Now I am improving finally.

what is intonation?

Mac wrote:

EightLeggedOedipus wrote:Somebody had to shake my skull around and teach me what intonation was. Now I am improving finally.

what is intonation?

What Courtney Love and most indie rockers lack. Intonation = the ability to sing a pitch at the precise frequency of the note. When you sing the wrong note, you are out of key. When you sing the note poorly (slightly off), you are out of tune. Out of tune = poor intonation.

I am no music major, so others may be better at explaining.

[quote="MintyHandy"]12:10am in a hotel room. Why am I not asleep yet?
Battle Cry Creek

Casio drum fantastic! Is that one of those kiddie electric guitars with buttons on the frets? I'm glad you entered this, because it's silly, and I like silly. I can't possibly vote for this as the winner, but so far it wins "biggest grin in the fight" for the "tuna in a can" nonsense. You're like some kind of post-rehab Ween. And...

...no clearmountain pause.

Hey Minty,

Thanks for so much effort you give in reviewing songs. And you definately have a charming comic flair...it definately takes the edge off. What's really sad about my entry is that I made $1200 twin Korg electribes sound like a Casio drum with frets! And honestly, I was just trying to get the vocal track to sound decent, then ran out of time. I really think that I'm just out of my league here, since this is only my second song ever (the first was last week's mess), and it turns out that I have a lot to learn about the recording, and songwriting. But since I can only devote a few sparse hours a week to this (family man and all of that!), the results have been fairly pitiful.

So for awhile at least, I think I need to take a break but I want to sincerely thank everybody who took time to hear me out and give the criticism, that's a lot of work too.

Sincerely,
James

dude, you gotta walk before you run. don't quit. get better.

cause if you gut it out, you'll get better. or create your own niche. both are good options.

for what it's worth, as whacky as your synch issues were, i kind of liked your track personally, even if i compared you to a certain UC Berkeley american idol wannabe....

oh wait, that was luco that said that.

Battle Cry Creek wrote:What's really sad about my entry is that I made $1200 twin Korg electribes sound like a Casio drum with frets!

But really, how many people do you know of who can do that, eh?

Battle Cry Creek wrote:And honestly, I was just trying to get the vocal track to sound decent, then ran out of time. I really think that I'm just out of my league here, since this is only my second song ever (the first was last week's mess), and it turns out that I have a lot to learn about the recording, and songwriting. But since I can only devote a few sparse hours a week to this (family man and all of that!), the results have been fairly pitiful.

Listen to (almost) anyone's first/early tracks here, homey. There's a marked difference from then to now. Ya learn by doing, and more so by enjoying what you do. Make some noise. Make some music. Make yourself happy, and sod the rest of 'em.

Luco Brazzi wrote:are you playing an open tuning on this?

Both E's down to D.