Helps Develop Breasts in Adult Males (Truth About Aspartame)

[bwell]

This past week I started using the iTunes "My Rating" column to sort out the songfight entries, so I figured I might as well use that for now. Here's how I use the 5-star ratings:

* - bad, annoying, or simply didn't like it; won't be coming back to these
** - not all that bad, but not quite something I want to listen to regularly
*** - good song that will make my long playlist rotation
**** - songs that I really like (roughly my top 100 or so of the year)
***** - exceptional songs on par with my non-songfight favorites (rare)

15-16 Puzzle (***) - I generally like this song. The guitars and drums sound nice enough, but everything kind of sits in the mix and lacks--as previously mentioned--sparkle that makes anything stand out. They lyrics seem to be well done considering the topic. The style of the vocal delivery is probably the only thing that detracts a bit, something about it sounding somewhat betweeen singing and speaking. They're not bad, though, and I like the extra touches with the ooh's and la's. Overall this is a solid song with a good sound to it.

Allegory (*) - This has an interesting/novel take on the title but that's about all it has going for it. This one isn't quite my style.

Ants (invisible) (***) - This has a beautiful sound. I like the atmospheric quality and the vocals and harmonies are nicely done...especially like the timing on "miss-ing". The only problem is that it feels too short.

Bolio (**) - The music sounds great and this has a fun quality to it. The vocals could be stronger and the delivery keeps me from really enjoying this one. I do like the hotline section.

Consume (*) - The music on this isn't too bad, but it tends to be a little overbearing for me. That and the Sandler-esque delivery that someone else mentioned make this a bit too annoying for my tastes.

The Def Author (**) - This would rate higher for me if I liked the genre more. The delivery is well done and I like the lyrics. The rhythm is a little repetitive and the little changeups with the singing are nice but don't add quite enough variety to keep it interesting throughout.

Eight Legged Oedipus (**) - The guitar is simple yet nice. The dual vocals would work a little better if they synced up a little tighter at points. The change in the drums at 2:17 adds a nice touch of variety in the pacing right about when it was needed. Something about the drum sounds or mix isn't quite to my liking but drums are my weakest thing, so I'm not quite sure what it is.

Johnny Cashpoint (***) - I am starting to get used to the vocals now that I've been listening in for nearly two months. Otherwise, the instrumentation on this song is great. I like the light touch and the balance of all the parts. The background vocals do a wonderful job of filling out the sound. Nice pronounciation of aspartame. The only thing with the lyrics that I didn't like was the last line which doesn't flow well...but by then the song is over and it doesn't spoil the general mood. The more I listen to this one the more likely I am to vote for it.

King Arthur (***) - This is a fun song. The mix sounds nice on this one. While I like country music, this is probably one of the varieties that I don't like much...almost like country music for kids style. But the nice sound of this one keeps it on the good side.

Manhattan Glutton (**) - The guitar sound on this one doesn't have much body to it...cannot tell if it's too much room sound or what. The song itself and singing aren't bad. The guitar part in the middle has a better sound, but the panning is distracting for me. Overall, the sound gets somewhat repetitive feeling.

Mellified Man (***) - The sense of space in the sound jumps out nicely right away. The song has a good, mellow feel that has been growing on me with each listen. I like the chord choices on this one and the little changes joining things together.

Mouth Reliant (*) - The cheap and cheesy synth sounds generally don't work for me. It does have a nice fun aspect to it, especially the aspartame pronounciation twist. The spoken part is a nice addition, but the singing is a little hit or miss at times. Overall, the sound of this was a bit too far removed from what I enjoy in a song. Oh, that's still the same song...the ending didn't sound too bad.

Rabid Garfunkel (**) - I like the instrumentation on this one...nice guitars. The vocals are a touch too rough for me at times. But phrases like "big jolly gumball" and "friendly donkey snake" make this a generally fun listen. This would round up to ***, but I truncated the ratings so it falls on the other side.

RATTPOISON (*) - The guitar sound isn't all that bad, but the lyrics and vocal style are simply outside my tastes. There is some nice rhythm in there.

WreckdoM (***) - This is great...aspartame history. This is the only "song" that jumped out at me in the first pass. There's a wonderful awkwardness in the phrasing of the opening segment. I love the pronounciation of aspartame. Good backing track with a nice amount of oddness thrown in. For now there's nothing to keep me from coming back to this for more listens. Fun song!

Zombie Sneak Attack (*) - Too much noise for me in this one and not enough song.

And then there is our song this week...

The BeWells - I made a quick weekend trip to visit family so I was able to do a song with my sister. We were initially trying to come up with a tragic story about a girl named Aspartame (pronounced uh-spart-uh-may, accent on "spart")...but that idea didn't quite go anywhere. My sister ended up writing some lyrics and the melody on Sunday afternoon. I worked up a simply accompaniment, recorded the vocals (mostly her), and mixed it all together that evening. I had kept one of the early vocal takes with the laughing and since it was going on 4am, my sister liked it, and, well, it's a song about aspartame, we tagged it onto the end of the song. The Coke can sound (non-aspartame incidentally) came to mind while we were taking a break and drinking some, uh, Coke. Later we grabbed a couple more cans and sampled opening the cans (second take at the start, first take at the end). For anyone who liked the song but not the ending, the shorter version with the normal ending can be found here... http://www.thebewells.com/songs/bewells_taa2.mp3


My top three favorites this week were Johnny Cashpoint, Mellified Man, and WreckdoM. After giving these several passes, J$ edged into the lead.

[DELETED]

DELETED

[j$]

After giving these several passes, J$ edged into the lead.

Thank you!

j$

[HeuristicsInc]

After giving these several passes, J$ edged into the lead.

Thank you!

j$

J$ is always making passes....
I should do some reviews this week.
-bill

[frankie big face]

This week, I offer reviews of no longer than seven words + one optional smiley. You shouldn't expect too much.

15-16 Puzzle: cool bass. backing vocals great. cheesy drums. : )

Allegory: terrible rapping, poor mix despite two tracks.

Ants (Invisible): nice and spacy, could be even longer.

BeWells: very pretty, but boring and predictable. sorry. : (

Wreckdom: ruined my alphabetical order. how'd that happen?
(i actually liked this, by the way)

Zombie Sneak Attack: i wasn't caught off guard at all.

Mellified Man: You do sound a little like me!

Bolio: long, long, long. long, long, loud, long. 8)

Consume: sorry, i was reading while it played.

Def Author: fun lyrics, not terrible rapping, you rule!

Eight Legged Oedipus: like voice, melodic ideas. drums must go.

J$: Really like descending progression. Good closing line.


King Arthur: Cute, but not my thing. Catchy chorus.

Manhattan Glutton: i'm quickly running out of smilies, sadly.

Rabid Garfunkel: not the worst thing i've ever heard.

Ratt Poison: Weird. Nice flute sample. Nice flute sample.

There they are. My reviews. I really liked the 8-legged Oedipus song, despite the drums.

[HeuristicsInc]

ants - these are very neat, but also too short. i'd like to hear them as full songs rather than soundbites. that said, the vocals/piano combination is potent. i probably can't bring myself to vote for something this short

1516 - i love the lalalas. this is pretty cool. the drums are a bit too consistent, i think.

allegory - err. typical... also, typically, i don't like it. sorry.

king arthur - woo, different. i like it. king arthur does his own thing here at songfight and always sounds good doing it. this is fun and bouncy. i think the reworked stuff doesn't show, it sounds good as is. good lyrics.

bewells - hey, this is nice. good voice. this is almost g&g but i like it! i like the background vox. good guitar stuff too. i think the ending could be dropped... but i saw that you allowed for that as a possibility.

rattpoison - goofy vocals and heavy metal and flutes? hmm, odd combinations. is interesting.

mouthreliant - boppy. i like the pads in the back there. v cool. i think the vocals are too buried, bring them up in the mix. this is fun. haha pronounciation. in the end i think it's a bit too silly, but good experimentation.

defaut - your rap voice is so distinctive. this is a good thing. good chorus. it breaks the rap parts up well. the voice right after that is a bit muffled. good.

bolio - good intro clip. wow, loud! hmm, i don't think the vocals are well synced. orch hits are always fun. not so excited about the vocals, but the music is cool.

michael - sounds pretty good. "replacement" and "assailant" isn't really working that well as a rhyme for me... think it needs to be tighter in the chorus.

rabid - neat guitar. it sounds so squished out. the beginning vocals bits rhythm doesn't work that well, the "how" part is better for me. this reminds me of something... where does "friendly donkey snake" come from?

oedipus - "inheritance" and "parents" the way you sing it works. weird. i like that. this is neat. the unison vox aren't always quite together... it's a little distracting. good drums, they come in at a good point, although i'd turn the volume down on them a bit. ooh good backwards drums. that and the hypnotic guitar, v cool. ooh, nice pickup. nutra-slavery... ooh. great track.

mellified - chorus is good. also the guitar. i don't have a lot to say about it, but i like it.

j$ - wow, this is pretty depressing, dude. the solo section is very cool. i like the cadence you have on these words. the last chorus is the best.

wreckdom - back to the classic wreckdom weirdness. i like the background voice going auauauauauauau. good guitar. actually at the end all the sounds work well together. nice experimentalism.

zombiesa - what? cat? then yelling? er, why is this song called "the truth about aspartame"?

consume - nice guitar sound. ow, these vocals need work. try to sing like you mean it. i still like the guitar, though.

1: ants, king arthur, bewells, defaut, oedipus, j$
2: 1516, mouth, michael, rabid, wreckdom

who do i vote for? is it... king arthur? the bewells? or oedipus?
this one's close, but i'm gonna vote for oedipus.
-bill

[Rabid Garfunkel]

where does "friendly donkey snake" come from?

Ass/asp + are + tame

Failed marketing pitches, heh.

[HeuristicsInc]

ha ha, i probably could have figured that out if i thought about it more, but there were a lot of songs
thanks !
-bill

[EightLeggedOedipus]

These are all out of five anuses (*). So we all kind of sucked in this fight this week. In my opinion.

15-16 Puzzle - You write great songs. This sounds like a demo that The Weakerthans might have done way back when John was still the bass player for Propagandhi. ***

Allegory - Where is the beat? Dude, if you couldn't tell, we definitely can't. *

Ants(invisible) - I've been listening to these track in the car all week, and this really grows on me. Not as cool as last week's, but definitely better than your first one. It wouldn't sound so short if you didn't use a fade-out. ***

The BeWells - SOunds liek a good AA song, although if you go that route your vocals are up against a different standard. Unfortunately she doesn't meet it, with some subtle pitch problems in those slides and the lower notes. Guitar progression is nice but forgettable. ***

Bolio - Steve Miller sample saves you. Did you rhyme neatener with itself? Not as clever as Def Author. Skip. *

Consume - Really bad vocals man. Pretty bad everything. You thought this was funny, huh.

The Def Author - Bizarro Latyrx demo from Cincinatti white suburb kid? Clever. ***

Eight Legged Oedipus - Yes it's two crappy takes together. I generally like the song but I think I'd want to re-do with a whole new approach. Also, don't use old cheesy drum out-takes in songfight songs. They yell at you for that. I wasn't thinking Freddy Mercury, but that's a good comment. I'll try to keep that element out. ***

Johnny Cashpoint - My least favorite good song this week. The tempo I think is just way too slow for the way it's written. Probably because you had to fit in all those extra syllables somewhere. Your rhymes don't line up metrically. I think your first line should be longer or the same length as its pair. (ex: "...claim your rotten body" sticks out too far) **

King Arthur - This is the best-written song in this fight. Am I frequency-imbalanced, or is your bass panned slightly right? Maybe that's what sounds so weird. Overpowering the right guitar and making the left sound so over-bearing. Great lyrics. Nice post-adaptation. ***

Manhattan Glutton - This sounds like the bonus acoustic on Rust's "Bar CHord Ritual." In that, I like it. Needs better mix and guitar recording. I think the "ay-e-ay-e-ay-e-ame" could work if you just subdued the backing vox with a lower level and maybe a heavy chorus effect. **

Mellified Man - FBF wrote a pretty good song. I don't understand the meaning of this song. Maybe I should read the lyrics. Weird melody when the Aspartmae line comes in. I like the bluesy ascending chord in the middle of each verse. You sing kind of like an 80-year-old lady. ***

Rabid Garfunkel - Interesting rhythm. Friendly Donkey Snake was definitely lost on me. How can you not hear Jim Morrison !?! Your bass sounds so slutty. I mean something else. **

RATTPOISON - No review

WreckdoM - Great track. I still don't like talkover. But hey "freedoms and stuff." You guys can be pretty funny. I also like the pronunciation. **

Zombie Sneak Attack - All the crap usually comes at the end of the playlist. This is the worst of it.

[erik]

15-16 Puzzle - You write great songs. This sounds like a demo that The Weakerthans might have done way back when John was still the bass player for Propagandhi.

yay

I set out to write a Weakerthansesque track when I heard the title, which I thought sounded like a Weakerthans title. I'm glad that someone (who isn't me) thinks this sounds like them, too.

[king_arthur]

ELO - yeah, I frequently pan the bass slightly one way or the other to try to balance out the fact that one guitar or the other has less bottom end going on. Plus my own ears aren't perfectly matched, either, so when I have the mixes all set up to sound balanced to me, they may be imbalanced in the real world - made worse by the fact that I mix on headphones. Plus, I'm just really into stereo separation and usually try not to have ANY two things panned exactly the same, so the bass gets slid one way or another for that reason, too...

Good catch... I'll work on being more aware of that in the future...

Charles

[jb]

15-16 Puzzle - You write great songs. This sounds like a demo that The Weakerthans might have done way back when John was still the bass player for Propagandhi.

yay

I set out to write a Weakerthansesque track when I heard the title, which I thought sounded like a Weakerthans title. I'm glad that someone (who isn't me) thinks this sounds like them, too.

Man, I love the Weakerthans. I can kind of hear it. Well, not in the "ooh la la las" or the ends of the verse lines with their little twist in the melody.

You bumped your production up about a thousand notches with this one though. Add a hint of big ol' room reverb or something to the whole track to make it sound a little less demoey. The vocal's just really dry, so it sounds kinda separate from the instruments. I think that would help sell the whole deal, moving the vocals back somewhat amongst the instruments, so the listener can turn the whole mix up on their stereo to blast. It's a cool song.

[jb]

King Arthur, your chorus lyrics f-in' RULE.

The truth about aspartame
How it comes all sweet
All the while it's rippin' up your insides
Steady and slow
I've known some girls like that
And the trouble with that
It's like the trouble with aspartame
I never could say no.

[HeuristicsInc]

You bumped your production up about a thousand notches with this one though.

You know, I meant to say this as well, but I forgot to mention it. Good production, definitely. Also, jb's advice here is sound. The vocals were on their own out there.
-bill

[erik]

Man, I love the Weakerthans. I can kind of hear it. Well, not in the "ooh la la las" or the ends of the verse lines with their little twist in the melody.

You are wise, for those are the two spots where I was like "This is not exactly what I'm shooting for" but ultimately, I thought that those touches helped this song out, so I left them in.

[jb]

Man, I love the Weakerthans. I can kind of hear it. Well, not in the "ooh la la las" or the ends of the verse lines with their little twist in the melody.

You are wise, for those are the two spots where I was like "This is not exactly what I'm shooting for" but ultimately, I thought that those touches helped this song out, so I left them in.

Never take ooh la las out of a song. That is always the wrong thing to do.

[erik]

Like a Phoenix rising from its own ashes, so too these reviews rise from the soot of my Sunday boredom:

Allegory: I don't like this at all: it's clunky, has no flow, it has the worst rhymes ever. If it ever became the rap from the end of Blondie's Rapture, that would be good. This is not good.

Ants Invisible: This is well recorded and whatnot, but it's too much soundtraclk theme-music, and it doesn't do anything for me. I just want to push fast forward, even though it's really short. I don't care for this song.

Bewells: Hmmm, this sounds like... whatsername... Nina Gordon doing her "cover" of "Straight Outta Compton". Your voices are quite similar and the melody that she made up sounds similar enough to this one. I kinda like that song, and I kinda like this song too. The hook is very singalongy. I could see this as one of the "Featured Artists" on some young coming-of-age drama where the kids aren't all screamy and slutty, like maybe Gilmore Girls. I like this song.

Bolio: Okay, I'm not caring for this like 10 seconds in. The arrangement and the sounds just annoy me, and the voices too. This song, it is not for me.

Consume: The recording is very bad, and the song feels very thrown together, like someone came up with the first riff they could think of and that got turned into the song. Thankfully this was short. I do not care for this song.

Def Author: This is kind of cute, but by delaying the instruments coming in for so long, I'm just convinced that I've heard this song before due to your distinctive voice. This song needs way better hooks and beats, because the weird meter thing you have going on could be really brought out to make the song shine, but with these backing tracks, it's too easy to ignore this song. This song is not for me.

8LO: This song starts out okay. I wish it would kick in with a whole band like a verse earlier. The kick drum sounds too fucky to my ears. This is like a solid okay, it starts off okay, and then it changes some, but never really does anything to bump it up past okay for me.

Johnny Cashpoint: This is okay, it's just not doing anything for me. This song is another solid okay.

King Arthur: Man, I like this mix like way way way way alot more than your others. The guitars-bass-mix sounds good, and the lack of midi sounding keys really helps this song out. This song is not bad at all, I like the country flavor in here.

Manhattan Glutton: Okay, this is not a bad start. Until you start singing the word "aspartame" so much. It sounds so goofy. If like Gwen Stefani's husband redid this song all rock style it probably go over. This song needs big ass guitars and production out the ass to distract from the fact that you're singing about diet Sprite. I don't care for this song as it is.

Mellified Man: You are like a mummy dipped in honey. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (elly). This song is pretty cool. It sounds like a song that would be in a movie where some dude goes to a raucous bar on Open Mic night and wins the crowd over with this song, and the crowd stays quiet for like 5 seconds after the song is over, and then erupts in applause. The hook on the chorus is the exact same hook as another song which 1) I have heard, but you have probably not heard and 2) I will send to you so you can hear it. This is a nice song.

Rabid Garfunkel: Sounds like a drunken Doors outtake remixed with bloopy keys. I am not a fan of this song.

Ratt Poison: I don't care for this at all.

Wreckdom: hahahahah, "except with three legs" This is ridiculous. Whose idea was it to affect a terrible Indian accent for the word "aspartame"? hahahahha. This is just so ridiculous.

Zombie Sneak Attack: Man, I bet that cat wishes he hadn't come back.

TA-DA those are my reviews

[Leaf]

I started reviewing last night, then I got side tracked writing a song... so, some good songs here, but my vote is going to 15-16 cause that tune was a keeper, sounded great, well written, has the kind of backing vocals I love... great song , so there goes my vote....

[Andy Balham]

Apologies for the lack of reviews. FWIW the following caught my ear or my brain:

15-16 puzzle
bewells
defauthor
j$
king arthur
rabid garfunkel

My vote goes to bewells for no better reason that I could listen to that laugh all day. Good work all. Keep the dream alive...

[Andy Balham]

Johnny Cashpoint - Your rhymes don't line up metrically. I think your first line should be longer or the same length as its pair. (ex: "...claim your rotten body" sticks out too far)

For someone giving out anuses this is appropriately anal. Remember that variety is the spice of life and, indeed, of songwriting.

[Rabid Garfunkel]

Aspartame? Nooooo... asperWILD! Lotta rap, and very few ID3 tags. Come on, people! And now, the reviews.

15-16 Puzzle
Catchy. But not to my tastes. Vox and music don't quite mesh sonically, gestaltally. Maybe the 'verb, maybe the vocal tone, maybe none of the above.

Allegory
Get some music, yo. Lo-fi action isn't made up for by the humor in the lyrics, unfortunately.

Ants(invisible)
A pretty thing, though brief. Like a love note that bursts into flames upon reading it. Rewards multiple listens. Nice for when I'm in a Dead Can Dance mood.

The BeWells
Geez. This is pretty. Good job, and better that you've posted a version w/o that whole end thing. Woulda been a contender, if not for that part.

Bolio
Too funny. But we've talked about this already, heh. "Why does aspartame make me feel saaaaaaaaad?" (sic) is a catchphrase around the office now.

Consume
Ahem. First off, congrats. Groovy music, though the vocals/lyrics are, well... yeah. Lacking. Enthusiastic, but lacking. "Aspartaaaaaaaaaame!" is another catchphrase in the office. It's a good thing they already think I'm nuts there.

The Def Author
Go, nerdcore, yo. Dug it. Keeper.

Eight Legged Oedipus
Indylicious. Solid. Liked the anti-computerized tempo shifts. Keep it real, yo.

Johnny Cashpoint
Damn, homey. You weren't kidding. Really liked the choruses, the music lines were heartbreaking. Did a lot of FF/RW to pay attention to the guitar line/progressions/vox&guitar in those parts. Tasty. The rest, not so much to my tastes, alas.

King Arthur
VOTE. Brilliant.

Manhattan Glutton
Dunno, not so much the g&g guy, me. The style combined with the wordy-ass title makes it hard not to sound like it (the line) is shoehorned in, even when it ain't. Decent track.

Mellified Man
Another song with FF/RWable parts (see j$ review). Some of the descending guitar lines combined with the singing, (example, the "...cigarette/...nicotine" progression/combination), goddamn, yo. I want to steal that feel.

Rabid Garfunkel
I really like the bridge. Vox in the rest just doesn't live up to it, though. A lot of Jim Morrison comments, hmmm. Not hearing it, myself (I do like the guy, or rather, the music he made). Oh well.

And can someone tell me what a "slutty bass" is? I'm sure my bassist, she'd really like to know.

RATTPOISON
Turn on recorder. Fuck around at rehearsal. Turn off recorder. Ship it. That's what it sounds like to me.

WreckdoM
Lived up to the lyrics I read, hell yeah. For the v/o, maybe dial back on the bass eq for that track? Has helped to take out the "dynamic mike" sound out, some. Really dug the groove, and the farty horn thing.

Zombie Sneak Attack
Sigh. Points for singing the cat came back, or taken away for sampling it and not giving it a context in which to live. At least it's short.

[Geoff WreckdoM]

Whose idea was it to affect a terrible Indian accent for the word "aspartame"?

Indian? Actually that's my Ricardo Mantalban