Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

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Tibor
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Tibor »

Caravan Ray wrote:
Caravan Ray wrote: Tibor: I wont hide the fact that my greatest attraction to this song is your accent. An American/Anglo voice could not have gotten away with lyrics like "face the beaten by hate left eaten". But - it is still a well written song with excellent arrangement and recording. Very enjoyable.
Thank you for the honest and straight words. Means a lot to me.
I was trying to find a strong and intriguing message for the song. Please help me how do you think the lyrics should have been more acceptable.
The thought behind "face the beaten by hate left eaten" was that the winners of any fight(war) sooner or later have to face the victims(beaten) of hate that consumes the lives of implied people.
Have to be more careful with lyrics. I wanted to say to much in only a few words and now i'm thinking I fell over the horse. Once again thanks a lot.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Tibor »

DrDebauchery wrote:
"OMG. I want some lyrics. "
- It's too long to put up on this post, so I uploaded them to my fb fan page. Heres a direct link to the lyrics: http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=1 ... &topic=356
Hi.
I have to read the lyrics and get back.
Not sure you know about, but just in case i'll show you: there is a topic dedicated only to lyrics of song fight songs.
Ye Olde Lyric Archive - http://songfight.net/forums/viewforum.php?f=5
Every player can put his song's lyrics there.
Here is the Lyric archive for this fight: http://songfight.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=7852.
Thanx for sharing.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Caravan Ray »

Tibor wrote:
Caravan Ray wrote:
Caravan Ray wrote: Tibor: I wont hide the fact that my greatest attraction to this song is your accent. An American/Anglo voice could not have gotten away with lyrics like "face the beaten by hate left eaten". But - it is still a well written song with excellent arrangement and recording. Very enjoyable.
Thank you for the honest and straight words. Means a lot to me.
I was trying to find a strong and intriguing message for the song. Please help me how do you think the lyrics should have been more acceptable.
The thought behind "face the beaten by hate left eaten" was that the winners of any fight(war) sooner or later have to face the victims(beaten) of hate that consumes the lives of implied people.
I didn't mean to imply your lyrics are "unacceptable". It is more that they are obviously coming from a different perspective.

Am I right in guessing that English is not your native tongue? And thinking of some Eastern European friends I have in Australia - I would guess that you are probably also fluent in German and Russian as well - meaning that someone as monolingual* as myself has no place discussing your grammatical ability. But it does mean that you will occasionally come up with constructions that will slightly jar the ears of anglo/american english speakers. That is a good thing! Use it to your advantage. Crikey, I'm not beyond bunging on a bit of extra Australian accent and chucking in a few bits of flamin' local jagon to try to rustle up a bit of bloody product differentiation. And of course, Benny and Bjorn rhymed "Dancing Queen" with "tamborine" and became squillionaires.
Tibor wrote: Have to be more careful with lyrics. I wanted to say to much in only a few words and now i'm thinking I fell over the horse. .
You gotta use "i'm thinking I fell over the horse" in your next song :wink:



---------------------------
*BTW - Do you speak French at all? If so - here is my appalling attempt in writing in a language that is not my own:

http://songfight.net/forums/viewtopic.p ... it=anchois

I wouldn't try to listen to the Songfight archive of that song - it has an awful crackling in it
a version with less crackling is here
http://cavanreagh.customer.netspace.net.au/anchois.mp3
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Tibor »

OMG! I've got 11 votes! Thank you, thank you, thank you all! I am the happiest beaten man!
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by BBABM »

Congrats eggnog! Good fight, I am very happy with 3rd/4th... Thanks for all the votes, hopefully they weren't all from my mom and dad spamming.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Caravan Ray »

Bad luck Hobs and BGM. Looks like you got done by a friend-flooding.

That is my call - and I am standing by it. That song was too shit to win fairly. C'mon...
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by lalabrookie »

BBABM - that is funny! I had to tell my parents not to get on and just vote for me - told them they have to listen to all the songs and then vote fairly. I don't think they've been on since :P They don't seem to understand that the point of this contest isn't winning (although that is a nice bonus if you truly win due to the merits of your song), but about becoming a better songwriter, and just supporting and enjoying the virtual company of other artists.

And for anyone; I noticed some of you mentioned how many votes you had - I didn't realize that we can see that. Where do I find that?

And Manhatten Glutton: Why, thank you :D

And I have to agree with the other reviews: Hakuna Matata actually sort of inspired this song (although I don't feel that I ripped it off in any way), and I also noticed the similarities in Hard Rock Candy mountain (which I love) in the fact that it's sort of creating a utopia. However, I already had my song written when this occured to me, and I also think my song deals more in intangibles (don't have to pay my dues, there are flowers but no bees, etc) while Hard Rock Candy Mountain is strictly tangibles, but there are certainly similarities in the idea.

So I think it would be fair to say that my song this week isn't extremely original, but I had fun with it. Sometimes that's all that counts, right? I'll get reviews up prolly tomorrow night.
Yea, I lost my groove...I lost my groove all over the place - Kat Criswell
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Tibor »

lalabrookie wrote: And for anyone; I noticed some of you mentioned how many votes you had - I didn't realize that we can see that. Where do I find that?
Hi. You have to go to songfight.org.
You'll see on the right side of the page "Last week's fights" header.
Underneath that you'll see "Beaten Man". Just click on it and it will take you there.
Or just follow this link:
http://www.songfight.org/songpage.php?key=beaten_man
On this page you can still listen to the songs, and view the vote results. You had 8 well deserved votes.
:)
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Hoblit »

Caravan Ray wrote:Bad luck Hobs and BGM. Looks like you got done by a friend-flooding.

That is my call - and I am standing by it. That song was too shit to win fairly. C'mon...
Hey, I'll take a seat next to BGM's entry anytime. I voted for BGM (I'm oldskool and only vote for one entry, I'd vote for almost everybody this time around if I played by all the new rules) and ranking right up against that song, well, I'm good with that.

I don't think EggNogAdam's song was the big winner deserving fan fare entry, but it certainly was all right in my book. I've seen worse outcomes due to 'friend flooding'. I might even be a bit guilty of it this time around, although unintentional. I'm definitely not a 'hey do0ds, go vote for me' type guy. In fact, I like to 'show' this community for it's worth and good entries, to show people that there is good music out there that isn't on the radio. (including internet radio thank you very much)
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by lalabrookie »

Thanks, Tibor!!
Yea, I lost my groove...I lost my groove all over the place - Kat Criswell
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Caravan Ray »

Hoblit wrote:
Caravan Ray wrote: I don't think EggNogAdam's song was the big winner deserving fan fare entry, but it certainly was all right in my book. I've seen worse outcomes due to 'friend flooding'. I might even be a bit guilty of it this time around, although unintentional. I'm definitely not a 'hey do0ds, go vote for me' type guy. In fact, I like to 'show' this community for it's worth and good entries, to show people that there is good music out there that isn't on the radio. (including internet radio thank you very much)
True - it wasn't really a bad song - just a surprise result.

And BGM - could you please come and remove your melody from my brain. It has been there for about a week now and doesn't seem to want to leave.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Hoblit »

Caravan Ray wrote:
Hoblit wrote:
Caravan Ray wrote: I don't think EggNogAdam's song was the big winner deserving fan fare entry, but it certainly was all right in my book. I've seen worse outcomes due to 'friend flooding'. I might even be a bit guilty of it this time around, although unintentional. I'm definitely not a 'hey do0ds, go vote for me' type guy. In fact, I like to 'show' this community for it's worth and good entries, to show people that there is good music out there that isn't on the radio. (including internet radio thank you very much)
True - it wasn't really a bad song - just a surprise result.

And BGM - could you please come and remove your melody from my brain. It has been there for about a week now and doesn't seem to want to leave.
Yeah, that cute little ditty is definitely an ear worm.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by bgm »

Thanks for the kind words guys.
The comments are well taken regarding low-end and mixing; I bought some Yamaha HS50m's at Christmas and I still haven't re-calibrated my ears to mix with them. I'm finding it kind of frustrating and have yet to be happy with a mix since. Currently doing a lot of reading about mixing and mastering, as it's my least favourite thing and I feel like I'm not so great at it.
With regards to my singing, I've went through a long period of hating my voice and burying it in the mix. It took me years to just sort of accept the naturally thin, shaky, whine of it and embrace the real-ness instead of smearing it with reverb or whatever. If I get pre-occupied with it I end up doing too many takes and just losing the feeling completely, so I usually end up using the first or second take, opting for freshness over perfection. Perhaps it's foolhardy but it's kind of my thing now. And I've got pretty much one speed of singing; if I try and "belt it out" I end up sounding like Peter in that Brady Bunch episode where his voice is changing.
Anyhow, thanks again.
P.S. I have no idea who Todd McHatton is.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by lalabrookie »

BGM, I always really like your songs and I think your voice is fine, too. But I think what you are referring to above is a lack of support for your vocals (internally, not here on song fight :) ) Have you ever tried singing from your diaphram? If not, this could really help you vocally. Just google "singing from the diaphram" and you will get a bunch or results, including youtube videos. Good luck!
Yea, I lost my groove...I lost my groove all over the place - Kat Criswell
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by bdog5778 »

Reviews (finally):

Berkeley Social Scene - Like the funkiness, the jamminess of it all. That said, the looseness of the two vocals is such that it kind of distracts. I also wish that they were a bit more forward in the mix. You guys always have this vocalist too far back - I like his voice, ya know?! That horn/synth/whatever thing is a great new flavor added to the mix. Just realized that the synth is the second rhythm instrument. I really like the intro, BTW. Pure magic. The solo might go on for a tiny bit too long -feels like the energy gets lost never to fully recover.

bgm - Nice, tight little package. What are you using to get that distorto guitar sound? Sounds great, though I would pull it back ever-so-slightly in the mix (-1 dB) and bring the vocal forward a bit more (+2 dB). Brilliant how the acoustic comes in on the chorus. If this were my ditty, I'd add a brief little 8-bar solo -4 bars acoustic, 4 bars electric- then an out-chorus. But what do I know? This gets stuck in your head. By the way, Todd McHatton is a rather accomplished SongFight guy - check out the fights "Fortune Cookie" and "Who Needs Sleep". I don't think you sound anything like him, though. It's all in the attitude.

Caravan Ray - The production is hurting this a little bit: needs to be a little louder overall and the vocal needs more de-essing and compression. There's also just a bit of spikiness somewhere in there: you can find it by sweeping through the frequencies with a narrow Q (=12.0) and steep boost (+24 dB). Notch that puppy out and this is really working. Tasty little solo. Love how the strings come in, but their entrance is not as dramatic because the acoustics are too far forward in the mix. You've got a great tone on the acoustics, but they need to step back and assume their proper role -accompaniment. Fine vocal performance.

Die Toten Schlaghosen - Dig this muchly. Pretty sure I voted for this. Love all the atmospherics. The break is cool. The guitars provide the organic life needed to this track. Man, I'd love to just sit down with you and figure out how you've done everything here. My only complaint is that there is -to my ears- a little hole in the mix around the lower mids/upper bass. Needs more "push". Hard to quantify without looking at a spectrum analyzer.

Ecks Acksis - Hip-hoppity stuff does not do it for me. For what it is, it works. As others have noted, that bass riff is a great hook. To my ears, though, it's overplayed but when you stray from it things get less interesting/fall apart (~1:10). Some of the distorted vox are actually way too harsh frequency-wise. A little massaging and maybe add another section or break for contrast. Just my $0.02.

Egg Nog Adam - Not bad, but not really moving me, either. Need some percussion to break this up. Some solid ideas here, but there's no "B" section. This gets an "I" for incomplete.

Hate Mail - YESSSSSS!!! If Nathan Explosion from Dethklok had a side project, this would be it. It would be really cool if you inserted a really poppy solo around 2:25. Nothing else I can say about the structure - this gets me going. Loses some points b/c it needs a bit more hi-fi polish. What tools are you guys using?

Hoblit - These are real drums, right? Extra bonus brownie points for that, but a bit more dynamic drumming would really help here. A bit more uptempo, too. Maybe some guitar fills and a brief solo, too, would help flesh it out here. Get the music to match up better your vocal performance.

Johnny Cashpoint - Wanker. What is this pseudo-epic BS? Hahaha. Okay, I actually like this quite a bit. Really dig the background vox on the chorus. Maybe cut some of the instrumentation on the second verse? Lyrically, it seems you've avoided the "weak-second-verse-curse". Repeat listens have made this one really grow on me. Love the flow of the whole thing and it resolves itself on the final chorus (something I always enjoy).

Kelly Brandon - Some good ideas here, but way too many issues to be properly enjoyed. Timing, pitch, and lo-fi production are killing this. Structurally, I think that the chorus being in a different key doesn't help, either. To be honest, you could potentially re-write the chorus into the same key as the verse and then modulate up at some point later in the song. [Not my favorite songwriting trick, TBH, but perfectly valid.]

Lalabrookie - Ah, this is lovely. The harmonies are just AWESOME. Despite this, it may go on a bit too long. I'd trim back a little and/or add a bridge/solo/something. Production issues here, too, with plosives (get a pop filter).

Rabbit - Trent Reznor! Okay, 'twas my first thought. Digging the production and the melodies, but the lyrics seem kind of cheesy and obvious. Yes, we get it, you're serving in Iraq or Afghanistan. Love that slide guitar. Establishes the vibe. Yes, the drums are really cool. The chorus at 1:30 really shakes it up, too.

Saltpeter - Folky stuff that's not going to stick with me. Sorry, not doing it for me.

Shamanizer - Lots of great elements here - in isolation. This mish-mash makes angry at the squandered opportunities you had with this material.

That Guy - LOVE the faux sigh. Despite the showtunes-ish vibe, this comes across as very punk. Not something I want to listen to bunches of, though.

Tibor - Give me better drums or give me death! Catchy tuneage, though. Your accent is what it is...and it works here. I'm always a sucker for call-and-response stuff, too - good job. This is the best-structured song of the week, so kudos to you. As a side note, I should mention that European idioms are a LOT of fun for us state-side folks. I agree, that the "beaten/eaten" rhyme might not have worked as well without your accent. A buddy of mine is from Sweden and he says funny stuff all the time. Commenting on a cute girl that was walking past us, he remarked, "ooh, she's well-trained." :D

Metaluna w/ BBABM - Had a blast doing this with BBABM. I actually enjoy the screams on the chorus...and apparently I'm the only one. I stand behind his work on the verses, though. Perfect melody. In hindsight, I'd fix two things (both pointed out by MG): un-squash the mix (too much limiting and I didn't notice b/c I was monitoring with headphones) and add a BIG chorus (leaving the add9 arpeggiations as a pre-chorus). Maybe even add a few little fills. Ah well, these are the constraints of SF.

BBABM, if you want to re-visit this one, I'd be more than happy to do so. I will need a couple weeks, though. I'm in the middle of horrible amounts of work, a move, and will be traveling out-of-state next week.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

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bdog5778 wrote: Tibor - Give me better drums or give me death! Catchy tuneage, though. Your accent is what it is...and it works here. I'm always a sucker for call-and-response stuff, too - good job. This is the best-structured song of the week, so kudos to you. As a side note, I should mention that European idioms are a LOT of fun for us state-side folks. I agree, that the "beaten/eaten" rhyme might not have worked as well without your accent. A buddy of mine is from Sweden and he says funny stuff all the time. Commenting on a cute girl that was walking past us, he remarked, "ooh, she's well-trained." :D
Ohh.... Thank you. I think I finally got the beaten/eaten problem of you people. I do wrong pronunciation is it? Have to search for that how does it spell right.
And if you just new how much I was struggling to pronounce the words the right way :) That's it. I have to try harder.
Thank you for your kind words. You made me happy!
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Caravan Ray »

Tibor wrote:
bdog5778 wrote: Tibor - Give me better drums or give me death! Catchy tuneage, though. Your accent is what it is...and it works here. I'm always a sucker for call-and-response stuff, too - good job. This is the best-structured song of the week, so kudos to you. As a side note, I should mention that European idioms are a LOT of fun for us state-side folks. I agree, that the "beaten/eaten" rhyme might not have worked as well without your accent. A buddy of mine is from Sweden and he says funny stuff all the time. Commenting on a cute girl that was walking past us, he remarked, "ooh, she's well-trained." :D
Ohh.... Thank you. I think I finally got the beaten/eaten problem of you people. I do wrong pronunciation is it? Have to search for that how does it spell right.
And if you just new how much I was struggling to pronounce the words the right way :) That's it. I have to try harder.
It was not pronunciation - just the usage of the words was unusual. But that's cool = unusual is good!
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Caravan Ray »

bdog5778 wrote: Caravan Ray - The production is hurting this a little bit: needs to be a little louder overall and the vocal needs more de-essing and compression. There's also just a bit of spikiness somewhere in there: you can find it by sweeping through the frequencies with a narrow Q (=12.0) and steep boost (+24 dB). Notch that puppy out and this is really working. Tasty little solo. Love how the strings come in, but their entrance is not as dramatic because the acoustics are too far forward in the mix. You've got a great tone on the acoustics, but they need to step back and assume their proper role -accompaniment. Fine vocal performance.
.
Practical advice of a technical nature! Thanks. That's awesome. I will follow up your suggestions.
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Tibor »

Caravan Ray wrote: It was not pronunciation - just the usage of the words was unusual. But that's cool = unusual is good!
I am still trying to catch the accent thing. I do not sense it, but everybody is telling me that i have it :) Can you please tell me a few word examples where I have that accent?
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Re: Failure to ID body (beaten man reviews)

Post by Hoblit »

bdog5778 wrote:Reviews (finally):

Hoblit - These are real drums, right? Extra bonus brownie points for that, but a bit more dynamic drumming would really help here. A bit more uptempo, too. Maybe some guitar fills and a brief solo, too, would help flesh it out here. Get the music to match up better your vocal performance.
Hey, thanks for the listen and the review. They are in fact real drums. I'll get more dynamic in 10 years when I know how to play them better! I'm not very good so I keep it simple for now.

As far as guitar fills, I wanted to go back and do something like that but I simply ran out of time. I did the entire recording in 6 hours one night and I just couldn't afford the time for another track to record and mix in.

Thanks @ match vocal performance. I take that as a compliment. Everybody seems to say nice things about the vocal performance but I thought they suffered a little, I don't know.

Thanks again man.

And thanks to everybody who participated in one way or another!
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