No Xan today, so expect a highly unbalanced opinion from your dedicated but poorly tagged songfight fanboi.
Tri Minutieux
Love the musical elements. This is the sort of thing they play underneath a very serious BBC documentary voiceover about how milkmen are delivering doorstep pints made from dolphin blubber to British householders. Felt the microphoning let it down a bit - the rest of it sounded nicely harsh and empty, and the vocals didn't match. Maybe on purpose? Who knows. Anyway. That was nice. Thankyou.
The Anarcheologists
Hmm. Catchy hook. God I hate badly played piano. Too many days in music shops and classrooms listening to people banging the latest muse or coldplay riff out. Shame, because you have a very serviceable pop melody thing going on here. Bonus marks for harmonies. Ooh a solo. Technical sounding. Did you think about putting in a random saw wave sweepy thing? That's what it feels like it's lacking. Someone playing a beepy thing with a stylus while wearing a bizarre uniform is all you are away from commercial success. Of course I'd never buy it, but I might watch you perform at the icelandic music festival via TV. Well done.
Zoosneakers
Uhhm. Wow. You really like phasers. Or flangers. Whichever you went for here. The first time I listened to this I stared at someones avatar, of a kid who looks like Kim Jong Il at a football match. Really trippy. Many chocolate biscuits later, and the Second and third time through...all I'm hearing is the phaser and the throbby bass (which is kinda generic). It's stopped being so cool now. I think there's not enough going on in this to grab my attention on repeated listens. But I did enjoy it the first couple of times. Sorry I can't comment on this more constructively because I don't really know what you set out to achieve.
Balls to Monte
TW
3RP
is a licence plate on a motorbike? That's the way I listen to this song anyway. Meatloafy. Extra instruments came in exactly when I was getting bored. And just as I was thinking "this sounds like someone that had a wild youth and doesn't anymore" the lyric about "Just like the old days..." slides in. Well, this song had an answer to everything. Well done. Next time be more surprising. Very competent effort, nicely mixed.
Wreckdom vs Sven
Awesome language. Ain't never heard most of that before. And prize for effective use of Mains Buzz as a part of the song.
Self righteous dude vs totally righteous contextless guitar solo.
Okay. The nearest song I've ever heard to this before in my life is 'wear sunscreen' or something by snoop dogg(g). Did the swearing chap win?
*lost*
To quote Wes Davis
WHAT
and I mean that in the most flattering way possible. But maybe just because I'm scared you'll hurt me.
Beefy W DJ Snyder
Holy crap. This isn't nerdcore is it?
So WTF if this is just poetry set to a beat as someone else said. It's bloody good. Good delivery, love the confidence, and there's a bit of that hip-hop pseudo melody coming through. Don't know if that's a good or a bad thing, but it certainly sounds fluid all the way through to my ear - though the ending didn't quite do it for me. Big gap + repeat the last line with different eq? I can't begin to say how that could be done better (sorry), but I think it could. Anyway, thanks for telling a story that isn't about how l33t your are or aren't and instead talking about something interesting.
The only thing that struck me about this on a re-listen is that maybe there could have been room for a bridge or something with a different rhyme structure to break up the structure a little more. Would enjoy hearing more of this quality.
Wages of spin
Ok. This was my first collab and it was lots of fun, but in the end I don't think I managed to quite get in the same place as Phil was, musically. On reflection I actually preferred the vocal line on the penultimate version, and if he doesn't mind I'll post a link here so y'all can see what you think.
Billy's Little Trip
I don't normally like talking songs... but this mixed a Totally Appropriate guitar solo with sarcasm and a sort of childish petulant delivery. Man! This feels like a really complete song - the instruments, the production, the lyrics, the delivery, everything all points the same way, and to my mind that draws a picture of the radio host who is a ... tw3rp.. right? As well as that being station ID. The more I listen to it the more cohesive it seems. I'd put this in the same league as Jim Tyrell's House of Hodgman, and I thought that song was great so take it as a compliment. Way to raise the bar.
Spinlock
In a totally post-modernistic Irony I became a tw3rp by uploading an old version of this song (with just wrong ID3 tags, uncompressed, un eq'd, and un backing organned). Yet some of you still seemed to like it! Thanks for the reviews. It
Booty Chesterfield Trio
Ok. It's clean... it's nicely balanced. It's well recorded. It has interesting effects. Oh dear. It abruptly changes speed. It uses one chord sequence almost all the way through. The segments are nicely distributed. But does the singer appear to care even slightly? Hard to tell, everything is distorted. I stopped caring. I have friends who have iPods full of music like this, but it's pretty much the opposite of everything I like. Luckily it's just the right length. Pretty forgettable and bland. But no doubt great if you like that sort of thing.
Sockpuppet
I Totally got the Britney vibe. I wonder what elements you were particularly focussing on. The Violin thing is brilliant. Did you record that yourself? I always paid attention to Britneys voice - which seems completely amorphus as it changes style and scope in every song on her first album. I guess that they use some sort of vocal processor on it, and I think that part of what you're missing here is the multi-octave vocal copies. For example, there should really be a quieter pitch shifted copy of your lead part an octave above where you are as a bare minimum. And loads of compression so that every little gasp and inflection of your throat can be heard. But I guess it wasn't so much production style as musical style, which I think you win at. Really interesting exercise, thanks for explaining what it was about.
DJ Quicky Quick
Where on earth did you get a copy of a radio station from what .. the sixties?
Like what you do with the radio song from 1:20 on. That sounds good. But it doesn't feel like you build anything new on top of the base you contruct - the T W 3 R P over the top is messy and just sort of piles all over at, and at the end... Well. It's not weird enough to make me think you're referencing some time wormhole Twilight Zone episode, and it's not deep enough to be a decent hit like Modjo's Lady Hear me tonight or glitchy or complex enough to be interesting as a piece of artistic glitch electronica in its own right. You don't even rap over it. Just sounds unfinished. I guess I could have deduced that from your name, huh. More fool me.
Signboy
Really not convinced by your lyrics, (then again, using tw3rp convincingly in a song was always going to be a challenge) which is a shame because the late 80's pop genesis sort of thing going on here is really quite nice. I'd have stuck some sort of synth chimey bell thing in and had a bridge or second chorus, as it feels a bit short. But yeah. Keep it up. Shedloads of potential there.
Flvxxvm Florvm
Huh. I was really looking forward to this... but it sounds like Elmer Fudd doing the peperami song. Was it you that wanted the duh duh DRUms? That would have made a lot of difference. Could have been menacing. Ended up flat. I don't know what else to say. Still, you achieved your objective right? Is hershey squirts a common euphemism wherever you live, or is that an original concept? Bonus points if it is.
Ross Durand
You do these comedy songs too well, considering that they're not what you consider your core skill. Okay, so it's not as good as your Get a Life entry (classic) but you mixed it up and did the TV thing, and it's always nice to have some decent harmonizing. I would have been nice to have an extra verse, and the line after it being an art... sounded a little abrupt somehow. But that's niggles. I would normally argue that TV commercials don't have 2 bars of intro before they get into the song, but I don't watch TV, and I understand 90 second network ad spots aren't unusual now. If anything it was a little short

But yeah! Good. I liked this.
Garlick Head
Yes! This takes the title as seriously as it should be. Totally fun, and I really enjoyed this. I liked the way the song left space for 'twerp' but pasted 'T.W.3.R.P' over it, merrily ignoring the completely different lengths. Uh. I think it could have been improved if the letters had been read (shouted?) by an increasingly distraught sounding human, rather than the robot. But other than that I can't think of much to improve it.
Raspy Jasper
Fun little song. Hah! How's that for patronising

Think the squishy sound thing is really good, casually redefining a word is a breathtakingly arrogant, and done with aplomb. But the squishy thing doesn't sound good with a solo in it. After all, it's not a song about solo squishy is it? So yeah. Bit over-used. And it wouldn't have hurt to have the voices a little louder in the mix.
Gert
Pretty tight, specially the harmonies and guitars, and well recorded. The rhythms aren't so rigid that you get bored. The solo just before the organ comes in is a bit quiet. Can't say I identify with the content or tune particularly. Not bad, but I can't like a song that uses Geek as an offensive word.
Paco Del Stinko
Have you ever seen any of the Weebl and Bob animations? Things like I've got a lovely bunch of crabs here, or Magical Trevor?
Hard to review this one. Not really a rap, but not really got a tune. So lyrics. Uh. A guy called tw3rp that wears a badge that says tw3rp on it, that insists he's not a tw3rp. The talking style is pretty energetic and .. maybe patronising, and yet not annoying which is a tough trick to pull off. I can hear everything clearly and it's a good mix. Well done.
iNGRUO
I really like this from around 4:10 where it gets all in your face. Prior to that with the whispering it's really hard to make out what's being said, which is a shame because from the little I hear it doesn't sound bad. Not convinced by the square wave either. How did you make this? The sounds are good, and if it had a stronger tune or spoken part I would totally dig it.
Melvin
First run through didn't think much to it. But I've liked it more ever time since then. Couple of parts I don't understand... "cut off at the knees" - is that some sort of euphemism? It seems pretty violently incongruous if it's not. And there are a couple of notes that sound deliberately wrong (because you repeat them) in the sort of solo bit prior to the bah ba bahs. Which I think are great. I always like what you do with your voice, and your guitar tone is just right, not too distorted. Cool drum beat as well. At quiet volumes the high part of the bass line sounds great, at loud volumes the echo is a little distracting.
My top three, Billy, Melvin, Ross-Garlick