The Song Fight Bulletin Board

Jon,

Thanks for the kind words! I have 2 kids. My daughter Annabella is 8, she sang on this Cavedwellers track. (Also check her out on gift of music time before last, she sang lead vocals on Way behind Me). My other kid is Django (6). He was the vocalist on the Talking Heads fight (The Kraken Lives- born Under Punches).

cheers!

Thanks Jon. I was exploring the theme of communication, rather than trying to tell one particular story. The lyrics were an exercise in what people might actually say to each other if they were completely open and honest. Meaning, the last verse was unanswered to highlight the theme. I hope that if you re-listen in the future you might appreciate the lyrics more, as I feel they might be among some of my best - if nothing else, so that you might forgive me for round 2.

Generic wrote: Kraut Kitten
I love that opening strum - is that a bizouki?...I'm curious which was written later.

It's an irish bouzouki, yep! And yes, the third verse was added on.

Generic wrote: Pigfarmer
Well, this is a bizarre take on the title. Am I missing some 2001 reference built in to the title? I see how this meets the challenge, but not the title. I really would have appreciated some poetry here, instead of the spoken-word take on this story. As it is, it's all plot, which doesn't leave much room for the reflective timbre I would expect from a song. This is more like a sketch or a short story.

I'll be honest, I didn't have the time to do the song justice. The chorus wasn't working so I ditched it. I thought the title worked in two ways. It wasn't blatant, but I didn't think it was too hidden. Apparently I was wrong.
Firstly, I used the idea of an AI Robot being shut down before it could any major mischief as a reference to the title. And then secondly, the idea that an AI Robot could start a thermonuclear war and all but eliminate life (or at least human life) on earth was a broader reference to the title. I guess I shouldn't have patted myself on the back for having an interesting take if it didn't get through to the listener.

glennny wrote:Jon,

Thanks for the kind words! I have 2 kids. My daughter Annabella is 8, she sang on this Cavedwellers track. (Also check her out on gift of music time before last, she sang lead vocals on Way behind Me). My other kid is Django (6). He was the vocalist on the Talking Heads fight (The Kraken Lives- born Under Punches).

cheers!

I noticed (after posting my reviews; d'oh!) that your lyrics specify "Daughter." You've got two talented kids there, Glen!

Manhattan Glutton wrote:Thanks Jon. I was exploring the theme of communication, rather than trying to tell one particular story. The lyrics were an exercise in what people might actually say to each other if they were completely open and honest. Meaning, the last verse was unanswered to highlight the theme. I hope that if you re-listen in the future you might appreciate the lyrics more, as I feel they might be among some of my best - if nothing else, so that you might forgive me for round 2.

Your song was definitely top-notch, and my comments are all just nitpicks.

BenKrieger wrote:
It's an irish bouzouki, yep! And yes, the third verse was added on.

Awesome. Between you and Pedro this week, we had a nice little smattering of unusual instrumentation over heavy drum beats. Great work!

Pigfarmer Jr wrote:
I'll be honest, I didn't have the time to do the song justice. The chorus wasn't working so I ditched it. I thought the title worked in two ways. It wasn't blatant, but I didn't think it was too hidden. Apparently I was wrong.
Firstly, I used the idea of an AI Robot being shut down before it could any major mischief as a reference to the title. And then secondly, the idea that an AI Robot could start a thermonuclear war and all but eliminate life (or at least human life) on earth was a broader reference to the title. I guess I shouldn't have patted myself on the back for having an interesting take if it didn't get through to the listener.

Out of curiosity (scores already turned in and everything), what the chorus have been like? Would it have been a sung passage from a third-person narrator? Or something the computer "sings?" That's the funny thing about assuming your audience will pick up on what you're doing; sometimes you wind up wrong. But you can't just spell it out every time, either - that's insulting to our intelligence. It's a needle to thread, so I wouldn't be discouraged about the occasional miss.

I'm running a little behind on reviews but they are still coming. Here's part 1, with part 2 coming tomorrow:

Adam Adamant
+ Nice lyrical tale.
- Flat ending.
Comment: This song could’ve used some tweaking in its structure. It has catchy bits but the flow felt off.

Balance Lost
+ Humor.
- Runs long and gets lyrically threadbare
Comment: This song has a good musical composition, especially with the organ in the background. By the time the song got to the lighthouse, the joke of the song was wearing a bit thin.

BYD
+ Strong mood
- Lackluster delivery
Comment: The atmosphere created in this song is great but the song is built around the vocal and it has such a flat delivery that it doesn’t build up the song as it should. Remember the Robert Smith rule- the song can be depressing as can be and still have an powerful vocal.

Calliopeva
+ Interesting concept
- Character voices
Comment: Solo vocals without accompaniment is tough to succeed at for long stretches. Adding even the simplest percussion can do wonders in this kind of situation.

Cavedwellers
+ Well done vocals.
- Lyrical choices
Comment: This song has a very catchy chorus and succeeds at a charming child vocal which can be tough at times. The last verse is not as strong as the first two and makes for a weak finish.

Chocolate Chips
+ Interesting pacing
- Forgettable
Comment: This song lands squarely in the middle of the pack in my reviews. The ever-increasing pace of the song gives some power to the story that it tries to convey. The vocal effects and steady delivery sap the story’s emotional impact. Phrases like “Won’t you open your eyes” should be delivered with punch.

Cookie Blue
+ Xylophone
- Story is hard to follow
Comment: If the wasn’t annotated in the lyrics section of the forum, I’d be totally lost as to what was going on in the song. The vocals, especially when double tracked, were quite nice.

DJ Ranger Den
+ Minimalist arrangement
- Narrators?
Comment: The atmosphere created by the sparse arrangement on this song helped build the apocalyptic feel of the song , but I question if this song was really a song full of multiple narrators or just one omniscient one.

Ghost Pup
+ Clever concept
- Poor execution
Comment: It was a genius idea to backmask the second narrator under the first but the song’s musical quality suffered to achieve that trick.

I-Veg
+ Thinking outside the box
- Bad vocal choices
Comment: This song has a very different take on the title and made a curious musical choice with its near sea shanty feel, but it suffered from the get-go with some harsh vocal choices meant to convey different characters.

Ken Mahru
+ Play between the vocal and the organ
- Uncertainity
Comment: The song while excellently put together and well performed but it has a lyrical snag and that’s the uncertainity shown by both narrators. Wouldn’t the song be stronger if they were both confronting an issue instead of being unsure about it.

Krautkitten
+ Great verses
- Flat choruses
Comment: The song is full of well-crafted verses and a spacey little guitar solo, but it also has a chorus that doesn’t vary far from the sound of the verses so it doesn’t stand out very well., but that’s a small nitpick.

Levittdown
+ Powerful lyrics
- Vocal delivery
Comment: This song is a good start that just needed embellishing. A better vocal performance and some strings in the background behind this strong story and this song could go places.

LWA
+ Well done country/bluegrass
- Repetitiveness
Comment: It feels weird to say a 3 minute song feels too long but it’s a very packed song in that small amount of time and since the chorus is so repetitive in nature, the whole thing feels a bit repetitive

RE: Chorus - No friggin Idea. Everything I tried sounded like ass and I gave up with limited time being a factor.

Niveous. Here is my explanation. Perhaps.

The multiple narrators are:
the main character
-who may or may not be …
the singer of the song who is singing to a hypothetical Fourth Wall …
In addition to this, the narrative takes on first person, second person, and third person points of view - so the narrator has different stakes in the story at all times … making the pronouns change place and making the song itself actually a narrative of different points of view of the story - at one point in time it is even describing the light dying out in both the sun (causing the death of the earth) and the male character of the story (whose light dying out is both the light of his love and the light of his humanity and goodness - as since he loses love for the female character he becomes willing to leave her behind on a dying planet as he takes his leave of her).
She asks this question hypothetically of all of us:
“what would you do in this situation, if you had the resources - if you might have to choose because you had the luck and more money, and you had limited space in Your life … what would you do?”

This is the singer’s narrative, I ask YOU (listeners) to identify with the characters in the song and take a lesson from them.

At the very end, we hear that perhaps the singer, audience, sun, humans, lies, spaceship, man, woman, and indeed … all of songfight are the same person and everything in all of space in time is really the same person. in fact, there is only one point of view - mine - the song writer - and I chose to teach about the title I was given. So this post is indeed, unnecessary and really I would have been better off writing my round 2 reviews and I just decided to use a bunch of pronouns and write about a spaceship. Congratulations, you’re right. The song was sort of vague. perhaps even ... challenge fail. you know, or not. Oh whale.

If I was a judge - this would be how I would rank them:


Merisan
Balance Lost
Nick Soma
Rabid Garfunkel
Cookie Blue
Adam Adamant
Chocolate Chips
Paco del Stinko
Levittdown
Den
Kraut Kitten
Ken
ManGlut
Cavedwellers
Vincent VF
Pigfarmer
Boffo Yux
Ross Durand
Ligers with Attitude
Inflatable Vegetables
Ghost Pup
JoAnn
Zack

Reviews, part 2

Manhattan Glutton
+ Good vocals
- Storytelling style
Comment: This song has a lot of positives as it’s very well put together from the music to the vocals. The only flaw, and maybe it’s a point of personal preference, is the telling of a story through little dialogue chunks that seemed to lack a thread of cohesion.

Merisan
+ Vocal interplay
- Huh?
Comment: While this was my favorite song of the week by leaps and bounds, I still have to wonder what it’s about or is this like listening to AFI or Interpol where the lyrics convey a feeling but don’t hold up under deeper examination.

Nick M. Soma
+ Bruce Springsteen
- John Cougar Mellencamp
Comment: All kidding aside. I enjoy the vocals that are reminiscent of Billie Joe Armstrong (to me at least) and I like the stories of saying goodbye to a small town. It just needs a little tightening up over all.

Paco del Stinko
+ Organ
- King Missile Guitar riff
Comment: The thing that holds back this song is how it’s based around a staccato guitar riff (a la King Missile’s Detachable Penis) that wears very thin very quickly. In a bit of coincidence (since I’ve seen it a couple of times during the round), I enjoyed the use of keys in the background during the 2nd verse.

Pigfarmer Jr.
Comment: This is a skit atop a guitar wank. And it’s not good. Lots of bad acting there.

Rabid Garfunkel
+ Composition
- Trout!
Comment: I love the quirkiness of this. I dislike that the serious tone was broken by ridiculous line about trout but it’s only a small blemish on a well put together tune. A xylophone + a bass clarinet + a saz, keep up the experimentation!

Ross Durand
+ BRUCE!!!!!!!
- Lack of real embellishments
Comment: I think I have to apologize to Nick Soma. This is Bruce. All this needs is a real E-Street Band with a Clarence Clemons sax solo instead of the harmonica. This needs a real full band to fill it out.

Tydon Docks
+ Talking.
- Heads.
Comment: The confession section was a well done bit, mixing the comedy with seriousness in just the right amounts, a skill that is conveyed in many (insert Caravan Ray name of the day here) songs. But the 16 heads was overkill. Still I’d love a C.R.A.P. album (Caravan Ray against politics).

Vincent Von F
+ Crisp and clean
- Multiple narrator fail
Comment: The challenge was multiple narrators. Sure, it’s a simple love song with no twists and turns, just cleanly done, but the song is one narrator who is telling the story of two people (“he says”, “she says”) and that’s a challenge fail.

Zack Facco
This went off the rails for many reasons. Doing it in a language other than English then not giving us lyrics to review was going to hurt it in the judging. Then there was a major major vocal hiccup in there. All in all, the panel was left confused and that’s not what you want in a judged competition.

Niveous wrote: Rabid Garfunkel
+ Composition
- Trout!
Comment: I love the quirkiness of this. I dislike that the serious tone was broken by ridiculous line about trout but it’s only a small blemish on a well put together tune. A xylophone + a bass clarinet + a saz, keep up the experimentation!

Would you believe that was the second line I had written? (The first being "There's a man at the bottom of the well".) They paired nicely, but I had to subdue my inner carny or it would've gotten silly. Sillier.

Just can't trust that inner carny, he's a Thénardier of the worst sort.

If round 2's loopacalypse survives the cull, back to the weird organic experimentations with minimal instrumentation.

Thanks for the feedback, judges. I'm also really curious to hear the feedback from the judge or judges that ranked us 12th and 13th from last in rounds zero and one respectively, in case they feel like writing reviews.

Niveous wrote: Zack Facco
This went off the rails for many reasons. Doing it in a language other than English then not giving us lyrics to review was going to hurt it in the judging. Then there was a major major vocal hiccup in there. All in all, the panel was left confused and that’s not what you want in a judged competition.

Didn't Ben win a round with a foreign-language song once?

Generic wrote:

Niveous wrote: Zack Facco
This went off the rails for many reasons. Doing it in a language other than English then not giving us lyrics to review was going to hurt it in the judging. Then there was a major major vocal hiccup in there. All in all, the panel was left confused and that’s not what you want in a judged competition.

Didn't Ben win a round with a foreign-language song once?

Yes he did. He gave us the lyrics. Zack didn't.

Touché.

Just what language do you guys think that song is in, because, I thought it was pretty obvious the lyrics were gibberish... other than "the sun" and "your light no longer shines" which I peppered in to fulfill the challenge (that and the second potentially female narrator) I'm as whitebread as it gets and don't know no languages other than good ole fashioned "American". I actually wrote a couple of sets of respectable lyrics over the week and started a couple of songs, but I just couldn't make it come together... Maybe I was overthinking it or something. Ended up with an hour left before I had to submit before going to work, so I squated before the mic and that "song" is what came out. For what it's worth, it's meant to be goofy/funny. I got a pretty good laugh out of it anyway.