ST 22 Round 1 Reviews

[BoffoYux]

ST22.1 Reviews - Micah Sommersmith

Congratulations to our Round 1 contestants; no matter where you ended up in the rankings, writing and recording a song in nine days is no small feat, and I hope that all of you can find something in your songs to be proud of.

I don’t rank the songs, but I do try to review each round. My thoughts on the Round 1 entries are below.

A disclaimer: my general assumption is that any song is fictional or at least fictionalized, and I always want to make a distinction between you - the songwriter who made the musical and lyrical choices in the song - and your narrator - the imaginary character from whose point of view the lyrics are presented. If I make assumptions about your narrator, in no way do they reflect my views on you as a songwriter!

Read on for my reviews!

▷ - Rain

Your sound design skills are second to none in this competition - the way you use varied timbres and textures to simulate the sound of the rain musically with synth splashes, drops, and cascades, is a lot of fun to listen to. Melodically, the only thing that sticks with me afterwards is the “raaaaaaaaaain” melismatic hook, but what a tasty hook it is.

Lyrically, the central premise is a good one, and it works perfectly together with your sound design: rain sounds like music to you, so you’ve made music that sounds like rain. But the lyrics themselves could get tightened up considerably. You’re not telling a story, you’re creating an image, so you could cut out anything that doesn’t support that image, especially since the music is doing so much of the work.

For me, this song would not be worse, and would probably be better, if these were the lyrics:

no music better than the rain
rain is always on my playlist

rain outside my window
turn the music down
let me hear the rain

rain
rain

rain
rain



Falcon Artist - The Sun

Welcome to SpinTunes! Glad to have you here.

You’ve got a good voice and a decent melodic sense - “Hip hip hip hooray, here comes the sun” spent a lot of time in my head over the past two weeks!

Something to work on is phrase length and what’s happening between your melodic phrases. Since your guitar is your only accompanying instrument and you maintain the same strumming pattern throughout, and your harmonic rhythm (time between chord changes) is fairly slow, that means that we spend a lot of time between vocal phrases just listening to your guitar strumming and waiting for something interesting to happen again.

Lyrically, your song is quite literally about enjoying warm weather, without any layers of metaphor - and that’s just fine! Plenty of classic songs operate on just one layer of meaning. But the lyrics of this song don’t have a sense of focus and some verses don’t feel connected to the next in a way that makes sense.

For instance, you sing “But for me I like it hot not cold / and people will say that I am old / So most years there is a plan / to go away to a hot country to get a tan”. Aside from not being clear what your age has to do with it, this is fairly clear: you like to travel somewhere warm.

But in the next verse you sing “so they board the plane / With there suitcase in the hands / and they think about their plans”. You switch from talking about yourself to talking about other people, without any transition. And why are they thinking about their plans when they are in the middle of carrying out their plans?

In general, the lyrics throughout feel like a first draft. It’s a fine start, but you need to go back and examine verse, each line, each word even, asking yourself, “Does this contribute to the overall song? Does it make sense with what came before and what comes after? Is this worded in a way that flows naturally? Does it have the right number of syllables to fit my melody?” If not, edit, edit, edit.



Joy Sitler - Parade

Great song with a great message. I think your hedging in your song bio sells the song short; sure, connection to other people and the natural world isn’t a sufficient substitute for therapy and medication - but neither are therapy and medication a sufficient substitute for connection to other people and the natural world!

I think the only place you possibly oversell the benefits is in the line “And finally I know I’m gonna be fine”. Maybe something like “And I see that today I’m gonna be fine” or something. But it’s not a huge issue either way, especially with the later lines about the storm clouds waiting till another day - not banished forever!

The most effective rhetorical trick you use, and to great effect, is to repeat the “parade” line, switching from “I don’t wanna be the one to rain on your parade” to “I’m not gonna be the one to rain on my parade” - the narrator comes to see themself as worthy of happiness and not just as a burden on other people and it’s summed up nicely in that seemingly small lyric change.

The energy of the song is great, but at times the layers of strummed guitars (or guitar and uke, or what have you) aren’t quite lined up rhythmically and the effect is more chaotic than I think you're going for.



The Pannacotta Army - A New Low

I’m repeating myself somewhat from my review of “Elephant” in SpinTunes 21, but here again I have a hard time reconciling the ultra-smooth polished sound of the music with the despair of the lyrics. Musically everything is impeccable, but there’s no urgency, no sense that all is not right with the world. And the music is so lush and full, and the vocal so restrained, that it’s easy to sit back and listen without processing the lyrics at all.

I think it is possible to pull off this kind of juxtaposition, but you need to take it farther: dig deeper into the anger and despair of the lyrics, and reach for some more visceral imagery. “I wish it all would wash down the drain” is a good start, but what gets washed down the drain? Shit, right? Or at the very least, filth, decay, rot. Similarly, “People still pouring all their faith into a selfish denier” is pretty good, but what about “Losers still lend their livid ears to that big bag of bile”? Maybe not those exact words, but you get the idea. Make us sit up from bobbing our heads pleasantly and ask “Did he really just say that?” Otherwise your lyrical pleas come off as insincere, or at best half-hearted.



Cheslain - And The Rain Came Pouring Down

I think this is your SpinTunes debut - if so, welcome! If not, my apologies and welcome back!

Musically, this is really well done, and feels like a proggy take on 90s alternative rock. Your voice sounds great and that chorus melody is such an earworm.

The lyrics flow well rhythmically and metrically but come off as clunky on the page - “dread in the air for those who do not soil their hand / answer to prayers for those who live off the land” in particular feels awkwardly worded. On the other hand, “clouds are nomads on the prairie of the sky” is a nice, well-formed metaphor.

And more generally, I’m not sure what the perspective of the song is. Is the narrator literally made of clay or is this a metaphor for something? Is there a particular “sin” that the rain is washing away? Who is the “someone in my stead”? Is the idea that the rain offers a chance to leave one’s faults behind and become someone new?



See-Man-Ski - Popcorn Brain

This song skitters from one metaphor to another without a coherent overall framework, which I suspect is actually the point since it supports the central thesis. Similarly, the musical transition from the verses to the chorus is jarring and always takes me by surprise.

That said, I do really like the ending where you strip down to a cappella vocals and then build the instrumentation back up. And in general your voice is in fine form and the chorus melody is fiendishly catchy.



Stacking Theory - Mordialloc Beach (when the wind is right)

This one has a great overall feel - I like the relentless layers of eighth notes and how you have faster chord changes over pedal tones that then themselves change eventually, for a sort of nested set of chord progressions.

Writing lyrics from the perspective of the kite is a very nice and unexpected touch. My only real complaint in this one is the spoken section, which falls flat for me, though I struggle with spoken sections in general so we may just need to chalk that one up to personal preference.



The Moon Bureau - Sweater Weather

There are lots of weather metaphors in this round; this might be the best song that’s literally just about the weather that it’s about. The music is very well done; I can feel the crisp autumn breeze in those guitars. The vocal delivery is good though there were a few pitch issues that I heard (the final “cashmere cardigan” at 2:00 caught my ear in particular). The “sundress times” section provides a welcome musical lift, and you wisely don’t overstay your welcome, wrapping things up in a tight 2:16.

A small part of me is put off by what feel like strangely voyeuristic lyrics, but I think that’s a me problem, not a you problem.



Giraffes for Wings - Impact Winter

There are some interesting contrasts in this song - emotionally, the lyrics on the page read as weary and resigned, but the music is anthemic. The song runs to an economical 1:47, but the lyrics are shaggy, with irregular rhyme schemes and line lengths and a conversational tone. None of these are bad choices per se, but taken together they make it hard for me to get a handle on this song and my thoughts about it.

I’m also not sure why “impact winter” is the final weather metaphor - that would suggest that the “impact” (the car crash?) caused the “winter” in your heart, but you indicate that you didn’t feel much about the crash at all.

There are some tightly constructed, efficient lyrics in here - “The gutters are gonna swell over / With cheap hangers-on” is a particularly good one - but personally I’d like to see more of that same efficiency in the rest of the song. And the high energy of the music is great, but when your doubled vocals aren’t exactly locked in rhythmically, especially with your rapid-fire vocal delivery, it often sounds cluttered and chaotic and the meaning of the lyrics doesn’t come through super clearly.



Berkeley Social Scene - Waterspout

You guys are experts at creating and maintaining a groove, and this instrumental sounds great. That guitar solo could have gone on for a few more bars, though I understand not wanting to push the song longer when you’re already past four minutes. The vocal performance is good too, although it’s buried in the mix and difficult to hear.

The lyrics don’t add up to something coherent for me. On one side of the metaphor, there’s some kind of relationship, presumably romantic, and on the other side there’s an ocean and a waterspout. But there’s not really any consistency in how one maps to the other.

In Verse One, the narrator is trying to keep the peace with a volatile partner, depicted as trying not to drown in the partner’s ocean. In Pre-Chorus One, the narrator is in the waterspout, which is very clearly depicted as bad. He’s spiraling, he’s going crazy, he’s being led up and down and all around.

But in the Chorus, the narrator is encouraging the partner to enter the waterspout, which is good now? Even though a few lines ago it was bad, and in fact it was representing the partner, or the partner’s actions/attitudes that were making the narrator feel bad. But now it leads to a place of calm and peace: the clouds. And the narrator is encouraging the partner to enter the waterspout to leave behind… herself?

Verse Two and Pre-Chorus Two reinforce that being in the ocean is bad, and being in the clouds is good, even though there’s no transition; the narrator is in his boat trying not to drown in the storm of his partner’s wrath, and then suddenly he’s in cloud and at peace.

Finally, in the bridge, we find out that being in the clouds can actually be bad, in which case you can return to the ocean, which is now good. It just all feels jumbled to me, and it makes me work pretty hard for not much reward.



Chamomileon - Sleet and Snow

First things first: I fact-checked the “30 hours of driving” line, and Google Maps says whether you start from Phoenix or Tucson or Tempe, it is indeed a 30 hour trip by car to Thunder Bay, ON. So PolitiFact rates this claim “true”.

I like this song. The high, shimmery guitar is gorgeous and evocative of the snow, and the restrained but continuous mood and pace of the song supports the description of a long, slow car ride. You don’t hit every pitch of the vocal melody bang-on, but your voice is well suited to this style and you give a good overall performance.

The lyrics have some well-chosen, vivid descriptions of the snowy nighttime drive (“a skating rink for SUVs” is excellent, although “Can barely see, low visibility” feels like a missed opportunity for more descriptive language). What’s missing for me is a better sense of the narrator’s motivation. He recognizes the danger of the drive and the lack of common sense he’s displaying, but I don’t have a clear enough idea of his relationship with “her” that justifies making this spur of the moment decision to go see her. Were they a romantic couple? (Seems likely but not definitely stated.) When they moved from the jungle, why didn’t they move together? Have they been in contact since or is this text out of the blue? “So I'm talking to the cacti” does imply that he’s been lonely, but a few more carefully chosen hints as to the history of the characters and their emotional states might be welcome.



Ironbark - I Am A Clear Blue Sky

Lyrically, this is the best use of the “unstable person = destructive storm” metaphor in this round. You use ornate, flowery metaphorical language to depict the second person’s dysfunction; then, in just a few simple lines you demolish the narrator’s sanctimoniousness (if someone insists multiple times unprompted that they are “blameless”, that’s a pretty big hint they’re not). Since the language is all metaphorical, we don’t really know anything about the actual behavior of either party, but the narrator’s description of himself, along with the “I just want a reaction” language from the second person, points to the situation being more complicated than the easiest read of it would suggest.

I don’t think this is the arrangement that best suits this song. It’s true that the somewhat cheesy lounge style helps establish some ironic distance between us and the narrator, and the laid-back, mostly emotionless vocal delivery supports the narrator’s casting of himself as the sane, rational one. However, there are moments when the vocal and piano want to breathe a bit, and the relentless percussion just doesn’t let them. At the same time, the percussion isn’t energetic enough to adequately portray the chaos of the second person, so it’s in a weird in-between space that makes for an awkward listen.



glennny - Psychotic Cyclone

I adore the bell-like effect of the acoustic guitar, and I wouldn’t object to it being more prominent throughout the song, though of course your electric guitar work is excellent as well. We spend a lot of the song’s runtime with repetitions of the chorus, which is just fine with me as it’s a fiendishly catchy one. I do wish that the vocals were clearer and more prominent in the mix.

Do I love the lyrics? Not really; “this girl’s crazy but the sex is amazing” is a tired trope, but the storm metaphor is employed ably enough. The verses seem to describe a literal storm and the damage it causes, then the chorus shifts to reveal it’s a person, and the storm is portrayed more positively (‘cause she’s freaky in bed, presumably). The contrast works because it’s consistently employed (and with only two verses and no bridge, there’s not much room to complicate it).



Jeff Walker - And So It Begins

You’re in fine form here! Lyrically, you’ve hooked me right off the gate with the evocative and alliteration-heavy “The swelter of the summer in the tropics is a trigger”. The theme of cyclical change in the weather is handled on both a literal and metaphorical level, and you do a great job of threading between the two.

Musically, the vocal and instrumental elements both sound great. You have a gift for delivering a compelling vocal melody in a way that sounds both conversational and deliberate. The somewhat meandering verse melody contrasts nicely with the catchier chorus.

This was one of the highlights of the round, for me.



West of Vine - Aeromancer

The structure of this song is great, with the parallelisms of the first three verses: time, weather, relationship in the same order, and the reasons/treason/vision rhyme further tying them together. Then the final verse shifts energy and focus to bring the song to a close. The overall form of the song is elegant and effective.

The vocal feels very far in front of everything else in the mix, which makes it particularly apparent when you’re not quite on pitch. A tighter vocal performance as well as mixing the vocal a hair quieter, perhaps with some light reverb or other effect to soften it, would do a lot to make the song feel more cohesive.



Hot Pink Halo - Strange Attraction

Great energy in this song. I love the rewinding effect of starting each verse with the same line, I love the build into the chorus, I love that cool squeaky/clangy synth or whatever it is on the off-beats.

I’m not sure that the song earns its fourth verse. The chaos theory stuff is over my head, so I’m focusing on the progression of the relationship through the verses - Verse 1 = infatuation and adventure, Verse 2 = testing and adversity, and Verse 3 = facing the future with security and commitment, Verse 4 = ????? I’m probably missing something extremely clever and highly relevant in the last verse, but at over four minutes without much of a bridge or contrasting section against the verses and choruses, the song overstays its welcome just a bit.



Temnere - Seeker Of The Storm

You read these lyrics and you just know this is a Temnere joint. This song can easily be read as a parable about modern day climate change and the personal sacrifices needed to address it, but you wisely keep the narrative in the fictional world and let the listener draw any parallels they might want to draw.

The vocal melody loses energy at the ends of stanzas, e.g. “if we are all to survive” is delivered in a low half-spoken style when I want you to stay in the higher, more energetic range of the previous line.

My only complaint about the lyrics is the line “who fable claims can bring them back alive” - you so obviously mean “bring them back to life”. “Bring them back to life” means they’ve died and must be revived; “bring them back alive” means they’ve been kidnapped and need to be rescued safely. This probably feels like an absurd nitpick, but to me it’s just so objectively wrong that it needs to be mentioned, like if you randomly had a guitar riff in the wrong key, or something.

Otherwise, this is classic Temnere and such fun to listen to.



Hutch - Just Standin’ in the Rain

Welcome to your first SpinTunes as an official competitor!

This is a solidly constructed song. It’s got a memorable melody in both the verse and chorus, and the lyrics flow just fine even if they don’t tread much new ground thematically. The “missin’/listen” rhyme is rhythmically unexpected and fun. And that probably-not-actually-a-guitar lead instrument plays some pretty tasty licks!

The biggest problem with the song is a lack of variation - the verse and chorus do have different melodies, which is good, but the instrumentation and rhythmic patterns in the accompaniment are identical, with no change in energy. The vocal delivery is essentially the same as well. Thinking about how your performance and arrangement choices support the overall form of the song can go a long way in maintaining the listener’s interest.



The Dutch Widows - Cold, Hard Blackberry Winter

Is this my new favorite Dutch Widows song? Maybe! The things that you tend to do well, you do very well here - tasty guitars, lovely production and mix, that warm deep vocal with restrained but memorable melodies. That chorus hook where “cold” comes in on the downbeat with the instrumental CHUCK CHUCK and then “hard” pops out on a high note with almost nothing underneath it? Excellent stuff.

Lyrically, your song uses the same “bad weather = relationship troubles” metaphor that is shared by a number of other entries in this round, so the song distinguishes itself less in that regard. But the metaphor is handled well throughout the song, and I like the change in the final chorus where you switch from “will you still be so frosty with me?” to “will you still be with me?” - finally getting straight to the crux of the problem.



chewmeupspitmeout - Hurricane

That chorus is fantastic - the way the “oooh” vocals are answered by “You were a hurricane” is so satisfying. (Is there a term for that technique? I feel like maybe it’s something that other SpinTunes participants could stand to try out…)

The metaphor of a dysfunctional lover as a destructive hurricane is not a particularly original one, but I appreciate that the narrator implicates himself just as much by intentionally seeking out the drama.

The lyrics are structurally sound, with verse 1 describing the narrator’s initial boredom and desire for excitement, verse 2 the lover’s destruction, and the ending reflecting on who’s at fault. It’s solid but the verses do feel like they drag on a bit; either inserting a bit more musical variety into the verses (I do very much appreciate the glockenspiel!), or else possibly cutting each of the verses in half, which I think is definitely doable since both verses do some restating of their basic ideas.



Cybronica - Grey Skies

Great, well-constructed lyrics here, always flowing naturally without oddly crammed syllables or word order strained to fit a rhyme. I love the ABABCCDD rhyme scheme of the third verse; I do wish the other two verses held to it as rigorously, but that’s a minor complaint.

The lyrics adhere closely to the “emotional state = weather” metaphor and pack in plenty of vivid, descriptive lines: “Laced with gusts of sharp despair”, “These gray clouds call on me / Im wrapped in their embrace”, “Soak me to the bone and hold me fast”, etc, etc.

For all the emotion in the lyrics, the music never fully reaches the same expressiveness. You both obviously have excellent voices, but neither the performance nor the melody itself has a lot of emotionality, and the accompaniment, while it does build gradually throughout the song, never reaches quite the energy level I think it could. The flute sounds wonderful, though, and it’s always lovely to hear wind instruments played well in SpinTunes.



The Alleviators - Fog

Hey hey, this is a very good song! The subtle layering of voices, which sound to me to mostly be in unison/octaves, can be really tricky to pull off if you’re not locked in rhythmically and pitch-wise; when it’s done well, as you do it here, it gives the impression of a single voice that changes timbre throughout the song. Really cool. (Travis, if my ears aren’t deceiving me, it sounds like you’re mostly singing in your usual tenor-ish range but also doing some doubling of yourself an octave lower? Which makes for a nice rich, full aggregate sound that I’m not used to hearing from you. It’s good stuff!)

“Bad weather = relationship troubles” is a metaphor used by several entries in this round, but the focus on fog as a metaphor for impairing your judgment, as well as the consistent beach setting, set this one apart lyrically. And the musical choices throughout support the mood of the lyrics. Really well done.



Winterloper - Frostbitten Hearts

Welcome to SpinTunes!

You’ve got a solid lyric, although it doesn’t offer much in the way of surprises. “Cold = unfeeling” is a classic trope, though the specific phrase “frostbitten hearts” feels fresh and memorable. The lyrics are consistent in the use of the metaphor, which is good - although the line “let our hearts regrow” that ends the bridge feels out of place, as growth doesn’t show up anywhere else. Certainly plants grow when it’s warm and not when it’s cold, but you don’t do the work of fully bringing that aspect of the metaphor in.

A song this long, with this minimal instrumentation, needs a compelling vocal performance to drive it, and your vocal is pretty restrained, with the robo-tuning layered on them robbing them even more of any emotive power they may have. The harmonic language is jazz, with your extended chords and unexpected changes, but without an emotive, dramatic vocal performance it comes off as an intellectual exercise.



Boffo Yux Dudes - Weather The Storm

That drum intro that opens the song is great, though when the song properly gets started the drums settle into a pretty generic backbeat; it’d be nice to keep up a little more of that energy from the intro going into the rest of the song.

Not to say that there isn’t plenty to enjoy here! The time-signature switch in the middle is very cool, and I love the “the weather… the weather inside my head” harmony hook in the chorus.

I’m not 100% clear on the story here - my guess is that there was a breakup and the narrator blames the ex for his poor mental state. You go between blaming the second person for the bad weather and wishing they were back. The narrator’s bitterness is a bit of a turn-off; I think he needs to take a little more responsibility for his own mental well-being.



SunLite - Glass House

This is a hook-heavy, high-energy slice of pop-rock and I’m here for it. The melodic variety throughout the song is great to hear; you’ve got two contrasting verse melodies and two contrasting chorus melodies, all of which are compelling on their own and which transition nicely, keeping the listener engaged throughout. And then the ending when you layer the two different chorus melodies on top of each other… fantastic stuff.

The lyrics feel somewhat free-associative, but you manage to keep everything loosely connected via the central “relationship in trouble = bad weather” metaphor, so it works.

I like the timbre of your voice; it’s in the neighborhood of Ben Folds but without so much of his pinched quality. I suspect you could have spent more time practicing and/or polishing the vocal - there’s a lot of pitch issues and some spots where it’s clear that separate vocal takes were pasted together. More care with the vocal would elevate this already-enjoyable song even higher.



Governing Dynamics - Storm Over The Ocean

It’s always nice to hear Governing Dynamics in rock mode. The guitars sound great, and that instrumental hiccup on the downbeats in the chorus is a great touch. The energy of the vocal is great too, as is the chorus melody, but there are some distressing pitch issues - The second syllable of “thunder” at 0:44 and the sustained “lines” at 0:50, just to name a couple examples.

The lyrics feel like less than the sum of their parts - the narrator seems to want their partner to leave them - “the harm I do / I'm not sure you should forgive”; “don't settle / for something / you don't believe / believes in you” - but also won’t be the one to pull the trigger themself - “bet that I'm still in it”; “I won't drown”. They acknowledge that they’re not a very healthy person to be in a relationship, but their partner isn’t either. The most I can get out of this is that it’s a game of relationship chicken between two highly dysfunctional people, but I feel like I have to piece that interpretation together from disparate parts of the song, rather than it being presented as a coherent whole. And maybe that’s fine, I guess, but I do like being confident about what I think a songwriter is trying to tell me, and I’m not feeling that confidence here.



Menage a Tune - Wind and sand

A heartbreaking portrait of a destitute, traumatized veteran. The titular wind and sand are used to powerful effect both as physical descriptors of the literal weather in the desert and as a metaphor for the narrator’s trauma and fragile sense of self.

This song would have benefited from some more time to better lock in the melody and chord progression and to get a more confident vocal performance, but compositionally this is a very strong song!



Sober - Back in Texas

Musically, this song displays your usual skill, professionalism, and obvious respect for your stylistic forerunners. It’s a sonic treat. Well done!

Lyrically, this song actually contains two songs within it: Song A is a light-hearted take on regional differences in climate, cuisine, and couture; Song B is a somber meditation on weighing one’s personal safety against responsibility to one’s community. I can think of three ways I might be meant to reconcile the two songs: 1) Song A is the Trojan horse that lulls me into a false sense of fun before I’m hit by the reality of Song B; 2) Song A is the main point, Song B is just a brief aside; 3) Songs A and B are of equal importance. I’m not sold on the song as a whole effectively pulling off any of these.

Song A is full of specific, concrete details: it’s not “the food is better here”, it’s “I’ll take Damariscotta Oysters / Over drive thru Chik Fil A”. Likewise, it’s not “I still dress the same”, it’s “I still have my ropers / And they’ve always had tread / To be caught with smooth-sole square toes / I’d rather be caught dead”.

In contrast, Song B refers blandly, euphemistically and awkwardly to “people / Who check boxes that aren’t right”. There’s an argument that can be made that to remain somewhere that injustice is rampant is to be complicit in said injustice, and maybe the narrator counts himself among said wrong-box-checkers and it’s his own safety he’s worried about. But the wishy-washy language and lack of reference to any concrete injustice or specific group of people means that the narrator’s justification comes off as lip service.

So if the real point you’re making is supposed to be found in Song B, get more explicit. Make the listener uncomfortable, make them feel complicit in viewing the differences between Texas and Maine as nothing more than fun variations in food and weather. “I’d rather be freezing in the sleet than beaten in the street”, or something.

And if the song as a whole is supposed to be light-hearted and fun, and Song B is there for a brief moment of contrast, it doesn’t work either because a half-hearted bummer is still a bummer.



Eric Baer - Weather Anomaly

This was a sleeper hit for me. The drum machine and acoustic guitar instrumentation are not at all flashy, but the guitar playing is very tastefully done and the vocal melody really wormed its way into my brain. (The first half of the verse melody bears more than a passing resemblance to They Might Be Giants’ version of “I’m Gettin’ Sentimental Over You”, but I’m willing to chalk it up to coincidence.)

It’s easy to read the lyrics metaphorically as describing the sort of sad-sack character for whom everything seems to go wrong, but you leave that reading up to the listener, rather than spelling it out, which I think is the right choice. You describe a guy who is literally followed around by bad weather; the lyrics are weird and delightful and full of concrete, sensory details. Great stuff.



Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost - Weather Song

This song is shaggy and messy in ways that I actually find charming on most listens. It helps that it’s consistent across multiple aspects of the song: the vocals are often somewhat pitchy, but the melody and harmony are always recognizable; the instruments aren’t always perfectly synchronized rhythmically but they’re still hanging together; the recording and mixing is somewhat lo-fi but all the elements are still audible; the meter of the lyrics isn’t particularly consistent from line to line, but they were clearly written deliberately. In other words, it comes across as a stylistic choice.

All that said, would it be nice to hear this song with a more polished performance and production? Maybe! The song is lyrically solid, with a relatable central theme and some fun imagery throughout. And you’ve got one of the catchiest choruses in the round; it starts off with an attention-grabbing surprise chord change under that sustained high note on “I”, and those sustained high notes contrast nicely with the rapid fire “and the words go, and the words go, and the words go and I talk about the weather”. I’ve found this song running through my head quite a bit the past two weeks!



Ominous Ride - Nymphorainiac

This right here, folks, is what we call “commitment to the bit”. You thought to yourself, “I’m going to write a song about a man who is uncontrollably turned on by the rain”, and then you did it, you wrung every bit of innuendo you could out of it, you gave it your usual dark, intense musical treatment, and you delivered it with a completely straight face. Well done. Well done indeed. The drums should be much, much louder.



Dream Bells - Snowsong

I think this is your SpinTunes debut - if so, welcome! If not, my apologies and welcome back!

The effects on your vocals make your lyrics almost completely unintelligible without the lyric sheet, but they do contribute to the overall atmosphere of cold and snowfall you’re going for. I think the drums during the chorus and post-chorus are a little too heavy, but otherwise it’s a really nice mood you create.

Reading the lyrics, they are a bit opaque, but the general air of regret and lost time that you mention in the song bio definitely comes through, and they’re certainly well constructed in terms of meter, rhyme, etc., with nothing sticking out as awkwardly worded.

https://spintunescontest.blogspot.com/2 ... smith.html

[BoffoYux]

ST22.1 Reviews and Rankings - Valerie Polichar
Here are your rankings from Valerie Polichar:

Val1.JPG (43.92 KiB) Viewed 217 times

General note: I enjoyed listening to these, and FWIW I spent about a half an hour on each track. Because this contest emphasizes songwriting, I used a weighted rubric where lyrics and music (melody/chords) were each weighted more heavily than theme, arrangement, production and performance. N.B.: As always with critical comment, if any of this stings, I recommend putting it away for a few months, and looking at it again to see if there’s anything in there that you can use.



▷ - Rain

Production is deliberate and effective. I like the way the vocals move to the forefront and to the background in different parts of the song; that, combined with the varying density of sounds, gives the song shape, something I am always looking for. The bleep-bloops and general rain sounds that you have created musically sound lovely and also rain-like! The structure of the song, with distinct sections with different textures and volumes, is great; the variation makes the song interesting to listen to, even if it's not "catchy" in the conventional sense. The sung melody doesn't really vary much, except on the "pre-drop" section, and the delivery is a bit mechanical (though it kind of sounds like Brian Eno, using the voice as an instrument). The quality of the vocals seems lower than that of the rest of the production — not talking about the skill of the vocalist but the quality of the recording, here. Lyrically, there isn't much to this: the song says "I like rain." Exploring what it is about rain that makes it so emotionally resonant for the singer would strengthen the lyrics.



Falcon Artist - The Sun

The vocalist has a pleasing voice (I'd have liked to hear it more at the forefront, with the guitar softer). The song's essential message is too slight to sustain the length of the song. The lyrics have a few appealing lines ("Hip hip hooray, here comes the sun!" is a fun one), but the themes are repetitive. The off-key guitar, whether a choice or an accident, is unfortunately a drawback. The monotony of the strumming alongside what at first appears to be a droning voice make the song wear poorly; simply making a decision to do single strums during one section, and/or shift the emphasis or beat during places where the melody changes, would give the song a bit more shape, and we'd hear the changes in the melody better, meaning it would pull the listener along more rather than tiring the ear.



Joy Sitler - Parade

The music is very catchy; the way the verse melody turns in tight circles while the accompanying chords change is very pleasant. The guitar is excellent, and the soft entrance of the bass and gradual other instruments adds depth to the sound, as does the build to increased vocal lines — though you could probably add some true harmonies, too, to that last "So I go to my window" section. Good drop-down for that last verse. The lyrics are generally clever and make a connection to the listener, and mid-line rhyming like "talk"/"walk" appeal, though there are times you lean on hackneyed phrases like "I've got issues," "nervous wreck" and "fighting demons." Since you are already very deliberately employing "rain on my parade," it would be best to make this the only such phrase in the song. The chorus melody is less original-sounding than the verses; it might want a little variation.



The Pannacotta Army - A New Low

Nice beat and lovely harmonies. The gentle music contrasts nicely with the pessimistic lyrics, and the lyrics themselves employ some clever plays on words/concepts, including in the title. Excellent use of the theme beyond the obvious. The drop to bridge around 2:20 works well, giving a nice pause to prevent the song from getting too "samey." The song's the right length, and the instrumental outro is a great choice. However, the general bassiness of the sound and the prominence of the percussion is hard on the ears after a while. I don't love the "down"/"found" rhyme at the end, but that's a minor quibble.



Cheslain - And The Rain Came Pouring Down

This is masterfully arranged. The shift in instrumentation with the second verse is something I'd like to see more of in contest entries. The harmonies work well on the chorus, and vocals and instruments are well executed. Musically, the song is excellent. The overall impact is professional and listenable. Lyrically the song is weaker. The song would be more powerful if it didn't lean on unnatural sentence structure, such as "dread in the air for those who do not soil their hand" and "you will see someone in my stead," or excessively formal, "poetic" phrases, such as "weep upon us, dear sky." It's a bit difficult to identify the central message of the song. With all that said, though, the simplicity of the lyrics on the chorus works well.



See-Man-Ski - Popcorn Brain

The lyrics are strong, and work well generally with the music in conveying the "popcorn brain" feeling. The alignment with the "weather" theme, frankly, is nebulous at best — it’s kind of a leap from "popcorn" to "rain". A different word than "shrouded" might be worth exploring — it jars a bit coming after the concept of "popcorn." The music is catchy and (appropriately) bouncy. There's something not quite pulled together about the arrangement/production — the guitar is sitting far out in front, the lead vocal seems muffled, the background vocal isn't tight and sounds like it has a different treatment (it actually sounds more clear, or at least more treble-y, than the lead!). I think a tighter background/lead voc sync would sound better. You may be trying for a loose, folk-y feel but it's not loose enough to sound intentional and it's too loose to punch. When you drop down to mostly-vox towards the end, the sync issue and the difference in treatment make it particularly hard to listen to (I think it might be worth slightly correcting the pitchiness of the lead vox here, as well), and this could be one of your most effective sections with a bit more care.



Stacking Theory - Mordialloc Beach (when the wind is right)

Absolutely love the throbbing bass/deedle-deedle guitar start. The single strums at the start of the lines of the second verse are also great. Paired with the drums, there's a building sense of movement here that leads nicely into the chorus, and the kite feeling is carried by your music. The lyrics on the verses and chorus work well, if a bit light on the "weather" theme (but you got it sufficiently in there). However, I found the synth vocal patch on the bridge a little hokey — and since the bridge lyrics are also just a little hokey (that's fair, what's a bridge for otherwise? ), the "choir" background pushes it over the top. With lyrics like that bridge, you need to be careful about delivery so as not to make your listener feel lectured to. The outro is a great sound, though it's very different from the rest of the song and I almost want you to save it for another track; at least, consider not holding "all right" at the end in that way. Big note: the rest of the song is instrumented and arranged so smoothly that the overdriven sound of the vocals is very jarring/unpleasant. Consider backing off the mic and putting a richer production on the vocals, which could be done with a mixture of EQ and FX.



The Moon Bureau - Sweater Weather

Great '80s feel (I'm sure I won't be the only listener to think of The Smiths, among others). And who can't love a song about a cardigan? The lyrics are mostly very strong — the imperfect rhyming doesn't bother me here. (You could find a better line than "Just as pretty as you please," though.) The music is catchy and the arrangement effective. The brevity of the song matches well with the brevity of the lyrical story: perfection, a song that is exactly the right length! The high guitar that comes in at 0:52 could use some EQ work or alternate FX; it's almost painfully piercing, and it's such a pretty little flourish that I want to enjoy it. It's also panned very hard left (and another guitar is panned very hard right); pulling them both closer to the center would maximize the live-band feel of the song, making it sound more natural, which would be a plus in this particular track. But all in all, this song is catchy as heck.



Giraffes for Wings - Impact Winter

The instrumentation suits the "political" nature of the song, and the intent is an interesting story with a fresh angle. The lyrics let this down a little. Beware of phrases like "his stupid kids;" they lack power and feel lyrically lazy. . The song's brevity is unusual in a song in this genre — you have room to stretch it out a bit and make more of a clear connection between the Representative's death and your mother's avowed preferred suicide method. And that's needed. The story isn't really complete here. We should not need an intro to make sense of the song or the connection between your mother and Jackie's death. Pulling the irony/parallel into sharper focus would make the song stronger. The rhythmic thump on every beat is hard on the ear, and the crowd effect on the vocals is interesting at first and then wearing. The melody isn't strong, tending to move in the same direction on every line. Although a song in this genre doesn't need a lot of shape, it could be benefited by creating a build (adding in instruments or additional voices gradually) or a drop (suddenly pulling a lot of instruments or voices for increased impact). The same-i-ness that dominates here means the listener quickly tires of certain instruments or vocal approaches. Adding shape would allow you to carry the song on for longer, too, and fit in more story.



Berkeley Social Scene - Waterspout

Love the intro lick. The guitars sound good and overall, the song moves well. The melody on the verses is particularly original and appealing. Nice guitar solo. Song feels like the right length and the right amount of lyrics, and the structure, with the bridge towards the end, is well chosen. Vocalist almost gives a Cinerama/David Gedge feel. Lyrics are generally well crafted, with strong lines like "I got a little tension released from your reaction" and "You never fail to mention that you were offended / I think I rowed my boat too close and got upended," but there are a few awkward and nearly nonsensical phrases inserted, presumably, for rhyme's sake, such as "feel dumb as I’m dumbfound" and "I’m in these waters just trying to tread" that could use an edit or rethink. " "Just follow itsy spider" doesn't scan well, which catches the ear every time through the chorus, though I get the reference to the nursery rhyme. (But do you actually need that reference?) Note that the message of the song isn't entirely clear from the lyrics — the metaphor gets rather convoluted. The hard panning of the background vocals is distracting on the chorus (try keeping the direction of the pan but bringing it just a bit closer to center), and the left vocal in particular is very tinny and almost tickles the ear in an uncomfortable way, but the panning works really well and effectively on the bridge. Vox are generally so muffled that you can't hear the words, and they also get pushed into the background by the guitars. That's a shame; this song doesn't require that stylistic choice and would benefit from clearer vocals. Altogether, a lot of potential here that an edit of lyrics and mix would probably shape into a truly great tune.



Chamomileon - Sleet and Snow

Lyrics are strong and original, especially on the chorus, which is very clever and effective. You miss a couple opportunities to tie the experiences to the presumably-ending relationship, e.g. "Radio says it should get clearer/Can barely see, low visibility/So many people have slid off of the shoulders" which is ripe for analogy. The melody is very listenable and the music is well executed. The vocalist is talented, but the FX choice on the vocals could be better and the mix needs some work. The vocal and the bass sound very close (when you do that to vox, every tiny imperfection in the vocals gets magnified) and the vocal echo is very distant, and the rest is somewhere in the middle. To try: back down the echo to make it a little closer, and add a bit more reverb to pull the vocal out of the listener's face. That will actually make the vocal sound even higher quality. Reducing the bass volume would also ease the impact on the listener's ears while still keeping the vibe. This song really just needs some mix work — and possibly minor thought to what more could be done with the already good lyrics — to knock it out of the park.



Ironbark - I Am A Clear Blue Sky

Right out of the gate, the arrangement and rhythm choice is fresh and delightful. The piano is great. The introduction of the organ(?) pad in the chorus section adds some nice shape. Use of rests/drop to percussion after "i just want a reaction" is effective. Harmonies on "blameless/empty" are lovely. Lyrics work, and the light humor in lines like "but i'm not spanish, you explain/while washing several scenic hill-based dwellings down the drain" is welcome. Delivery is also good: the quick rhythm of that line followed by the stretched-out "I am a clear blue sky" is sophisticated and effective.



glennny - Psychotic Cyclone

Intro/outro riff is pretty (and deceptive) — that's sneaky — and it's good to call back to it, but you could give it more prominence and luster with volume and FX and it would be even more pleasing. The music is catchy, if a bit all over the place in genre. Solo is very pretty and a nice contrast. Lyrics do a good job of setting a scene and then creating a metaphor to a relationship. Nice use of the theme. The light-handed/flexible rhyme scheme is refreshing. Vox sound very muffled, which is probably intentional but clearing them -slightly- and bringing them forward a bit would not harm the style and make the lyrics easier to understand. The mix is muddy in spots.



Jeff Walker - And So It Begins

Great sound right out of the gate. You establish genre and then bring in the tropical note, a nice flavor. The last line of the chorus really tugs at the heart — a combo of your delivery, the melody, and the lyrics. The lyrics in general are effective and tight, but the bridge is less strong. If you're going to keep it, it would be helpful to alter the instrumentation a bit more than you do, so it's really a pause-and-think moment. Instruments are all played well, but a bit more variability in the drums could help accent some of the most interesting lyrical lines; as it is they get a bit dull and ponderous on the ear. Singer is good but a hair louder or more forward than they need to be. Bit more reverb might help, and maybe a slight cut in volume. That said, I loved the sound of this and this song really moved me.



West of Vine - Aeromancer

Some good lines here: the whole first verse, and "Sky the deepest shade of blue/Looking for one damn thing that's true" in particular. Starting with simpler instrumentation and bringing in more with the second verse works well. Weaker lyrics could use some tuning; e.g. "you called it treason" sounds like it was chosen more for the rhyme than the meaning. The melody feels derivative, like we've heard it before. There's something that doesn't quite gel about the mix. The percussion feels very treble-heavy and doesn't meld with the bass, and the vox, of pleasant quality but not always dead on key, could use a kinder treatment. The style change in the last section is effective, but the speed-up isn't necessary, and detracts. Unusually, this song is on the short side for what it has to say, and ends somewhat abruptly. Because of those elements, the song is harder to listen to than it should be, but there are good bones here.



Hot Pink Halo - Strange Attraction

Great concept, probably the best idea in the whole pack. These lyrics are fun, fresh and clever (though I am not catching the reason for the Taylor Swift callback). The melody feels original, and the move to broader instrumentation on the chorus works well. There's a sound reminiscent of Au Revoir Simone here, especially with the background vox (which could be a little louder). That Casiotone/vintage digital synth feel is good, but the drums become wearing and same-y after a while. Vocalist is a bit pitchy here and there; pitch correction on long-held notes and on the initial notes of a verse, while allowing the natural tune during the rest, would fix the jarring effect while retaining some character.



Temnere - Seeker Of The Storm

Vibrant metal sound with ripping drums that carry the sound forward effectively. The song is well constructed. While not particularly fresh/original, the melody benefits from the lift on phrases like "lands i ride." The musical interludes are well placed and very well executed, and the track is well paced. Production is great. The background vox that come in near the end are interesting and could be louder. The story behind the lyrics feels fresh, but the language feels stereotypical to the genre — breaking with the formal/old-fashioned construction common in metal could be worthwhile here, though in some ways the contrast between that slightly stilted language and the modern problem creates a link (drought has been with mankind forever). In the end, the story presented here is more than the sum of the words chosen to tell it. It's a strong composition with a novel concept and many good points, but the lyrics in particular let it down a bit — they could do more.



Hutch - Just Standin’ in the Rain

The fuzzy lead guitar is a good backdrop for the timbre of the vocalist. The melody is pleasant, though the chord progression isn't particularly novel and sometimes doesn't enhance the melody — it can be worth playing with some unexpected chords to see how they alter the feel of your melody. While the vocals are a little pitchy, it's an interesting voice; a bit of EQ work and a bit more reverb might make up for some of the imprecision and seat it better in the mix. The instruments are too far back in the mix and it doesn't quite gel. More concerningly, the lyrics seem hackneyed; we've heard them before, e.g. "I know you're gone again/And I'm wonderin' if this time it's for good," "When I first met you/The skies were always blue," "I'm left here just standin' in the rain." There are also a number of weak word choices for the sake of rhyme, like "you/blue," "grey/away," "true/blue," "pain/rain" where a different word choice could have been much more interesting. To write a song where the central concept is "you are gone and I'm sad now," at least in 2024, you will need to come up with some novel presentation or angle on it to make it work well. It's a solid central concept, it's just been done so many times that to stand out and make an emotional impact on your listener, you need something more.



The Dutch Widows - Cold, Hard Blackberry Winter

The song starts smartly with a great guitar riff. It's a good take on the theme and the lyrics are generally clever, but avoid tacking on phrases just to create a rhyme: "from what I know." feels extraneous every time it comes around, and "I only wish I’d just shut up" doesn't really make sense in context. The background vox that come in on the final verse are delightful, and could be employed earlier on for more shape and interest. The song is not well served by the vocal treatment, which muffles the lyrics and has a samey-ness throughout the song, especially given the low pitch and the . One approach would be to use the treatment on the verses and come out clearer and brighter on the chorus. The song in general comes across as low-energy, which the muted vocal delivery doesn't help, except for the word "blackberry" which tends to punch uncomfortably out of the song — the delivery comes across as though the singer has done a few too many takes and has lost the sense of the meaning of the words. The bridge is a great place to change up the instrumentation and the melody (and you do the latter); try doubling the length of it and mixing up the instrumentation a bit. There's potential here, but the song needs some variation that it lacks, and the delivery isn't what it could be.



chewmeupspitmeout - Hurricane

Vocal harmonies+organ dropping down to beeps/percussion/vox is very effective. There's a good sense of build here to the chorus. A bit of a Stanley Brinks feel to this. The mix of electronic and organic sounds is novel and works well, though more variation in the drum track within each section would be welcome. There's a good contrast between the textured lead vocal and the angelic harmony vox. The xylophone/vibes is a lovely add. There's not a lot of story here, though the "bridge" at the end is effective. The lyrics are a mix of fresh ("Atmosphere cracked/As you breezed into town" is terrific) and awkward (the "rhyme" of malaise/staid is acceptable, but you could pick a better phrase than "which had become staid"), but they do a good job of telling the story and tying into the weather theme and the song title. The mix could be improved. The percussion is very far up front and lacks bass. The vocals sound somewhat muffled on the chorus, possibly partly due to the multi-tracking? By making the vocal harmonies, a high point in general on the track, so consistently loud, you lose some of their potential impact. Not a huge amount happens in the melody, and the choice to put in just one "bridge," at the end, means the listener is really waiting for change. The brief bass (keys?) solo pulling into the final verse is a great choice, though.



Cybronica - Grey Skies

The vocalist is very gifted and the harmonies are striking. The flute creates a nice "response" to the sung melody. There are some lovely lyrics, e.g. "The atmosphere holds me here/A weighted blanket of mist," but also some rhymes that feel forced (e.g. "mist/dismissed"). There's a samey-ness here throughout that drags the song down. It is not just the arrangement and not just the melody, but both contribute to that downward pull. That beautiful voice singing the same motif over and over actually becomes wearing; varying with some lower-note sections would set it off more. The lyrics take just one slight detour: "I glimpse at last, the bluest sky/I laugh and kick my heels with joy" and then "the squall knocks me aside." More could be done with the weather metaphor here than the straight "miserable weather/miserable heart" parallel drawn here. If you wanted to revise the story, perhaps think about some options: the sun comes out but it doesn't help; or it keeps raining, but you begin to find comfort in it instead of despair. A shift to a major key (or a different minor key!) just briefly in the middle could also help provide some shape and interest. You've successfully transferred mood into music here, but turning that into a communication with the audience (or bringing that audience with you into the depths) may require something more.



The Alleviators - Fog

The lyrics are superb and moving. "I miss you when you drift/But when you're here I hurt the most...Stay as long as you want." The use of fog as metaphor for a lover is novel and effective. You might consider ending it, rather than on "seek fairer weather," on a reprise of that excruciating, beautiful "stay as long as you want." The music is lovely and well suited to the lyrics. The mix could be greatly improved with a couple of moves: (1) turn down that pretty lead guitar (and perhaps EQ it a hair less trebly), as it's nearly painful where it sits, and (2) make those gorgeous background vocals (sounds a bit like The XX) tight with the lead, or, more precisely, make the group vocals tight as tight can be. The sloppiness really detracts, partly because it muddles the already somewhat-muddled beat and partly because it muddies the words, and the words are the strongest part of this track. Consider NOT multi-tracking/having two vocalists on the verses so that you get more power from the group coming in more and more on each chorus. The percussion's rhythm is lovely with this track, but it incorrectly sounds like it's sloppy because the vocal alignment is sloppy. The excellent lyrics and the way the song is laid out make up for a lot of the mix/performance mess. All it needs is practice and re-recording to absolutely kill.



Winterloper - Frostbitten Hearts

The lounge tones and autotune-y sound on the vox works in this context. The drop-out for the bridge is a good choice. The lyrics are poetic and pleasant and address the theme appropriately (and choosing "frostbitten hearts" as a metaphor is fresh), but they seem like a vignette, rather than telling a story of having an arc. The downside of the overall sound on this is that it's so same-y that the song feels longer than it actually is. One approach would be to trim it; there's not enough going on in the lyrics from verse to chorus to verse to really justify keeping all of them.The arrangement/mix could use some work, too. The chorus needs some additional instrumentation so that the electric piano/organ chords don't sound so flat and percussive, and the drums seem a bit random (perhaps a few too many cymbal hits?) and lack depth. Could the bridge have even more of a change in sound? FWIW, because the overall treatment is so mellow and lounge-y, the lyrics don't hit with much emotional impact. Cutting the song's lyrics and providing more musical shape would let you keep the overall sound while providing more emotional impact and retain the listener's attention.



Boffo Yux Dudes - Weather The Storm

The drum intro is appealing and pulls the listener in. The lyrics are a nice twist on the usual, and the bridge provides both a musical and a lyrical shift, as it should. There's a late '60s/early '70s band sound here that is consistent. The abrupt ending is a good choice. The time signature on the bridge is effective as well. The melody, though, is just okay — bits of it sound tired, as if we've heard it before, and it's hard to discern on some of the lower parts. At the start of the song, the sudden onset of "the weather inside my head" from the full complement of vox is jarring; perhaps start at a lower volume or with fewer vox components. The lead vocal is not the strongest, and could maybe use the support of a fraction of pitch correction here and there (e.g. on "where you are"), some EQ to pull out the harshest tones, and perhaps some FX. But the vocal delivery is also a bit mechanical in sound in places, perhaps an overprecision of beat; a more relaxed delivery would help a lot. The mix is messy, with the instrumentation blurred, possibly by too much constant bass. Strong lyrics, but not quite enough musically or mix-wise to make the song punch out.



SunLite - Glass House

Great intro lick. Love the precision of the bass and guitar licks on the verses. The melody on the verses is strong (much less so on the chorus). The lyrics also are stronger on the verses than on the chorus, though the rhymes are clever. For a song that leans on precision (as the verses, in particular, of this one does), the vocals really need to be tight, both rhythmically and pitchwise, and the harmonies need to sync up perfectly. And the chorus also needs to be on key. This is the time to use some pitch correction. It's not off by much, but it's off by enough to undermine the effect, especially on the chorus. The choruses have a shaggy sound — it's good to contrast with the precision of the verses, but that is taken a bit too far. They're a bit of a mess musically; the sounds are all blurring together, especially towards the end of the song. The verses are great, but the chorus really lets down the song.



Governing Dynamics - Storm Over The Ocean

Intro riff is terrific and draws the listener in. Instrumentation in general is appealing and the drums keep the track moving, though it sounds like the drums get a bit messy (too much cymbal or hi-hat in places? It's hard to tell). There's some superb lyric lines in here, esp. "I've been listening for the wind/And the thunder close behind/Racing through the power lines" but also a few forced rhymes (e.g. ocean/notion, live/forgive) that weaken the lyrical impact. The vocals badly need to pop out more; they're buried in the mix. It's not just a matter of volume, it's an EQ and FX issue. They should punch, especially on the chorus. The fuzz of drums and maybe bass are just a muddle. The chorus itself is a little repetitive melodically; a bit more variation would make the song more interesting. (It's challenging to evaluate the melody on this track because it's all so buried, but it generally sounds pretty good, kind of like a Gin Blossoms song.) A shift in instrumentation on the bridge would make it pop more. The bones are here, but the lyrics need some editing and the melody may need a bit of thought to give it a more unique sound.



Menage a Tune - Wind and sand

The "desert storm" pun works, and ties into the weather theme. It's nice to see a less obvious application of that theme. Despite the claim of the "he" of the song that it's "just the sand," the lyrics are very sentimental and push a little too hard to make an emotional statement. The idea here might work if there was never an explicit reference to "the IEDs/or seeing friends go home/with pieces missing, or in body bags." Spelling it out by explaining it to the audience, in this case, does not allow the listener to draw the conclusion themselves, and that deprives them of the emotional impact of the song. The mix is awkward — the vocals are way up front and keys are in the background, but if you don't have a DAW, it's better to err on this side than having the vocals too soft; still, try recording with the microphone just a _bit_ closer to the piano or other instrument. The vocal range of the song seems like it's a bit below the singer’s comfortable range; the voice goes a little pitchy on the lowest notes. You could fix this with pitch correction in software, but you could also just transpose the song up a couple of notes.



Sober - Back in Texas

The lyrics do three things particularly well: (1) they are funny; (2) they rhyme cleverly (e.g. "Don’t take this the wrong way":"Over drive thru Chik Fil A"; and (3) they jump from light to serious on the final verse, which makes that last verse — nicely emphasized with the holds at the end of several lines — hit with greater impact and avoids anything maudlin or overwrought. The final two lines ("But until they welcome everyone/I’ll call the northeast home") proffer the perfect punch. The music is catchy, sitting well in its genre while not sounding hackneyed or over-familiar. The instrumentation and the light background vocals seem appropriate, and the lead vocal, while not particularly distinctive, is pleasant and clear. Fantastic example of a listenable, relatable song with a political message that sneaks up on the listener and hence is super effective.



Eric Baer - Weather Anomaly

The harmonies are well chosen, emphasizing the intriguing lyrics. There's a bit of a Paul Simon feel to this one. The melody/chord/harmony choices generally work well together, though the chorus melody is more lackluster. But the concept, so appealing at the beginning of the song, doesn't get followed through. We get that he's chased by a turbulent sky, but we're not so happy to end the song with no better idea of why this is happening to him than we were in the beginning. Even if he doesn't know, you should let the listener know, otherwise we feel let down; the song isn't leaving us with anything other than a momentary mystery about someone we don't know, and this style of song in particular wants a story. The presentation makes the most of minimal instrumentation and has a nice feel to it. But since the arrangement doesn't change throughout, the repetitive percussion, in particular, can wear on the ear.



Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost - Weather Song

Lyrically and conceptually strong. The omnichord lends an interesting sound reminiscent of the start of Tindersticks' "Hey Lucinda". Some of the choice of contrast between chord and melody, and of harmony, is quite interesting — but also bears too much similarity at various points to to Thompson Twins' "Hold Me Now" and The Hollies' "The Air That I Breathe"/Radiohead's "Creep," all of which makes the song sound less original. There are some execution problems. It appears that the lead vocals are not always perfectly on key. The harmony vocals are nice but far too loud. The drums and guitar sound muddied and too far in the background; if this is being recorded with a single microphone, the addition of a second mic would probably help. If it's already being recorded with two mics, think about their placement to make sure that the drums and guitar are in balance with the rest. Also, despite your note, it does sound like the lead vocalist is singing “nephrology” — watch that.



Ominous Ride - Nymphorainiac

Funny concept, amusingly executed with some clever rhymes (finish/diminished, breeze/knees/seized). Harmonies in spots like "wood" and "below" work well, as does the shifting time signature. The arrangement is fine for the content, but the sound is muffled/messy on the choruses ("Oh/Curse this ..." sections) There's a bit of instrument variation across the piece, but more would make the song more interesting to listen to. The song would be even funnier if it ended on some sort of twist, but it's just more of the same and then it stops, so perhaps think about what you could do with the last bit to really crack up your listener.



Dream Bells - Snowsong

The bell-like sonics and white noise do a nice job of conveying snow falling. Good idea to add instruments on the chorus, but consider changing up the percussion, which is very mechanical and a bit tinny throughout. The riff in between verses is quite lovely. The muted vocals contribute to the snowy feel, but you could get away with making them more clear on the chorus, and it would add some much-needed texture change without destroying your snowy feel. The melody doesn't have much to it, and the verse and chorus melodies are so similar that it feels repetitive. The bridge is somewhat of a lost opportunity to change the music up more, and the lyrics on the bridge don't tie effectively into the message of the rest of the song, which is a little thin as it is. The sound is very pretty and snowy, but ultimately that feels like all there is to it.

https://spintunescontest.blogspot.com/2 ... lerie.html

[BoffoYux]

ST22.1 Reviews and Rankings - Phlub
Here are your Round 1 rankings from Phlub:

Phlub1.JPG (44.49 KiB) Viewed 214 times

▷ - Rain

I know everyone in the Discord is telling you to get a better microphone. And while I think it would be a terrific investment, it’s not because I don’t like the slightly lo-fi effect it imparts on your voice, it’s mostly due to how it stands in contrast with the rest of your mix! This composition is lush and really fills out the mix in my headphones, and I feel like a better mic would just bring that extra sheen that this kind of stuff is begging for. That synth solo in the second half is SUBLIME, it’s giving me Tim Follin vibes. Do you know how high a praise that is coming from me? Anyway, I love sitting on the porch enjoying the sound of a nice rain.

Is the white noise that periodically jumps into the mix soda fizz? You use the can opening sound as a sound effect and then there’s this fading white noise sample that keeps fading in and out and ugh did I mention how much I love that [bleepy outro]. The percussion construction in this is positively brilliant, and the vocal layering is a huge level up from where you were. Also “[pre-drop]” and “[drop]” seem to be clever rainfall references. Is that a stapler in the percussion in the first verse?

Lyrically, it’s very straight and to the point. Not much in the way of metaphor. But why does there need to be? It’s a love letter to rain. As for “how does it come down”, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wegener%E ... en_process will answer your question.

Extra note for the effort put into your vocals. That melisma in the vocal run may not land perfectly on each note, but it’s inspired and adds a great sheen to this song.



Falcon Artist - The Sun

Five minutes is a big ask for a song with only four chords (Am, C, G, D) and virtually no dynamic changes. Most of the tune is spent alternating between one of two melodies, a lower one and a higher one, the higher one of which has a bit more vocal range. This song is desperately needing some kind of tonal shift to represent the actual sunshine. Right now it just feels cloudy, cloudy, cloudy, dark, dark, dark. Even when you lyrically move towards something exciting, it still keeps that strongly minor key tone. Switching to a secondary chord progression or something based off of that C chord, that is shifting to the relative major for a bit and maybe throwing in something like an F from there to establish some “majorness” would reinforce the sunshine!

Lyrically I’m kind of confused. “I like it hot not cold” and its following lyrics suggest that you don’t like being in your cold dark country. But then you say that every country should be the same and they should have wind cold and rain. Are you inconsistent, or are you salty and wished that the warm places had to suffer cold winters like you? And then the “but it’s not for everyone” adds some ambiguity. I really can’t tell whether or not you legitimately like the sun or what. Also a lot of occasions where your performance of the lyrics aren’t well integrated to the rhythm. “To go away to a hot country and get a tan” just flows awkwardly with the rhythm. Ditto for “the country I live in” and the following line with “get some sun”, it’s very…rushed, like you’re trying to force it to fit the rhythm of the guitar.

Performance-wise, there are a lot of moments where you keep a chord going for longer than you would expect. Somewhat inconsistent timing. And at times it feels to me like you don’t know the song super well. Also your guitar is noticeably out of tune, I think your b string is a bit flat and your high e is sharp!

I hope this doesn’t come across as me picking on you, just trying to provide constructive criticism!



Joy Sitler - Parade

This is well performed and executed. I like the stomps when you say “storm cloud”, they’re a nice touch (though a bit muddy in my headphones). The musical build and structure are really well done.

I can’t help but feel like it would have been more effective melodically in the “So I go to my window” section if you had switched up the melody a little bit. As it is, it’s basically that descending melody repeated over and over. Breaking the pattern and having the melody go up or something by the time you got to “into the light” would add a huge lift to this song there, which I think would complement the instrumental very well. Maybe a bit more melodic variation and going for notes above that major third throughout the whole song would be beneficial in terms of maintaining interest? That said, it’s not a very long song and it does a decent job as is.

The backing vocals are well arranged and effective, and you have a good grasp of harmony.

Lyrically, it’s a solid progression and an interesting concept. You’re in a funk, and your friend is trying to help you out of your funk cause they’re worried about you. And then succeed in doing so by…inviting a bunch of friends over to have a picnic with wine on your front lawn? The concept seems like something I’d see in a TV show on ABC family – maybe a little sentimental and saccharine for my taste but a sweet comforting thought nonetheless that definitely gives me the warm fuzzies if I don’t think about it too hard. Maybe just cause I’m a salty bitter grump and nobody’s gonna throw me a picnic if I’m feeling bad. Anyway, the mood lift is welcome and provides a good narrative, so who am I to criticize realism? The meter is good and works with the music, and it nails the vibe you’re going for.



The Pannacotta Army - A New Low

How silky smooth. From a production standpoint, it’s hard to argue against this. Everything sounds great in my headphones, which are probably the most hifi setup I have available to listen to music on. Well structured, meets the challenge, never overstays its welcome! Also the chord progression is just terrific. Lyrically, I enjoy it more than I enjoy most songs that get explicitly related to current events. By your definition, the showers are pretty widespread these days, I see them everywhere I go!

One thing that slightly bugs me is that the vocal never really seems to resolve. Something about the structure of it makes me expect another verse or more lyrics. I think it’s “found” being on the second scale degree. Also the rhythm of “but here on my parade” doesn’t sit right, nor does the rest of that verse. I dunno, the melody there doesn’t quite satisfy me. Am I nitpicking minor compositional elements? Well, yes, but largely because I find this song generally hard to criticize, it’s so smooth. Key line that sticks with me is “it’s a shower, cut the power”. Something about it makes me want to add steel drums to it. Harmonies at the bridge are great, real aural candy.



Cheslain - And The Rain Came Pouring Down

That chord progression and groove really sucks you in. And your vocal performance on this is both terrific and recorded terrifically. The way you introduce the drums in the first verse is especially worthy of mentioning. I’m curious if those are computer drums or the real thing. That second guitar that makes itself heard once the second chorus rolls around really elevates the track and carres it to a nice conclusion.

Honestly, this is really slick and professional sounding across the board. There are a couple moments where I think you could have come up with some better lyrics, but there are also moments where your lyrics are positively brilliant. One big juxtaposition that strikes me is “all things end, and so does rain”. I’m sorry, I just really think that sounds clunky and you could have come up with a better lyric there. But then you follow it with “clouds are nomads on the prairie of the sky” which sounds awesome. This has a somewhat apocalyptic undercurrent behind it, but it’s very vague and disconnected. Mainly the rain is going to wash you away and the sin and everything. I don’t know about the clay in your town,but mine takes quit a bit of rain to erode. The silty soils though, those just wash right off. Not a lot of narrative, but that’s okay.

Slick!



See-Man-Ski - Popcorn Brain

Pop pop popcorn brain is catchy as can be. It’s one of a relatively small number of hooks from this fight that lodge in my brain as one of the more memorable moments. And you seem to be very aware how hooky it is, because it’s the title of the song, and the back half of the song is filled with sections where it’s repeated over and over and over. So it’s kind of hard to forget it because you try your hardest to lodge it in our heads! But you’re successful and now I have popcorn in my brain, so good job on that one. And it’s a good image to structure your song around. Now…I’m not entirely sure that the endless use of the refrain isn’t a tad overdone. Can we really let the corn pop in our brains that many times? At least it’s less repetitive than chocolate rain.

As for the musicianship and structure? Well done, well structured (my complaints about it being too drawn out at the end may just be a matter of taste). Only mixing element I found to be somewhat questionable was the echo when you drop down to nothing but the acapella popcorn rain. It muddies it up, and since that section is supposed to be stripped back to my ears it should be as clear as possible!

The connection to the challenge is kind of tenuous at best, like you mention rain in the chorus but the rain imagery doesn’t have any real connection to the popcorn brain, like is your brain gonna be filled with soggy popcorn nobody wants to eat? And the fog reference checks the box, but by and large I feel like you could have written lyrics that fit the theme of your overwhelmed popcorn brain better had you not felt the need to shoehorn in a weather reference. Like I dunno, balancing marbles on a flat top car and all the popping sounds like you’re anxious, but when you talk about fog and rain it suggests a deeper melancholy and not so much the fight-or-flight response. Something sparky or zappy or stormy would have complemented the pop pop pop better.



Stacking Theory - Mordialloc Beach (when the wind is right)

Ooh post-punky! There’s a slight distortion that’s on that synth that periodically comes across as slightly harsh, but I can’t tell if it’s cause the levels are too high or if it’s just an EQ issue. I would add a bit more mid-range/low to your voice or maybe add just a sprinkle of reverb or delay to fill out the mix a bit more.

Now, I know your self-described genre is sad beach music, but this song is not very sad. It’s uplifting! This is uplifting beach music! I feel like when you get to the “every time that I’m losing momentum stanza” you should add another rhythmic element to really bring it forward, like some drums that mirror the kick drum but add some more BODY to the beat, cause really you’ve got all of this talk of flying and meanwhile that steady motorik rhythm keeps pounding on but doesn’t really pick speed! I don’t know exactly how you’d want to do that, but I think that would really bring this up a notch. As it is, it’s still quite enjoyable and lines up with my taste decently…

I looked up some images of Mordialloc Beach. Looks like a great place! The general vibe I get looking at it reminds me a bit of Isle of Palms, the beach I used to go to a bunch when I was a kid. Different side of the world but a beach is a beach!

The “nothing is truly hopeless” part was a nice touch.



The Moon Bureau - Sweater Weather

Jangley! I bet you like the Smiths. Normally I would say to use more reverb in a song like this, but the amount that you have on your vocals makes it kind of hard to make out what you’re saying, and sort of detracts from being able to focus on the overall theme of the song. Overall the mix is kind of muddy, like turn up the jangle and turn down the bass a little bit. Also maybe a drier bass tone would benefit the style? As it stands there’s kind of a jangly molasses vibe.

In terms of general structure, this comes in, does what it means to do, and then concludes right when it would be appropriate for it to conclude, so good job with that compositional aspect. I actually really like the concept behind this song. I feel like the simplicity of the descending melody is well done – and the fact that this song doesn’t overstay its welcome with such a narrow melody range makes me not mind that you spend most of the song with a range no more than a fifth.

Rhyming times with climes is something that I want to work, but I’ve never heard anybody use “climes” to refer to a season – more like an area with a different climate. That’s a minor nitpick that comes from being someone who’s geeked out about meteorology for most of my life. Otherwise, the lyrics are perfectly fine to me. It’s fall, you love the way this woman’s wardrobe complements the fall, she’s beautiful in her cardigan. Who doesn’t love a good cardigan? Though are the leather patches on her cashmere cardigan? That’s an odd thing to add to a cardigan with feathered sleeves, you sure that would match?

This grew on me a lot with subsequent listens and wound up gradually rising through my initial rankings to a fairly high position.



Giraffes for Wings - Impact Winter

There’s something about the way that the vocals are recorded that doesn’t quite sound right, I can’t quite place what it is. Like there’s some kind of weird metallic reverb or something? Or is it the way that they’re being doubled at times? Regardless, it doesn’t quite sound right to me. Anyway it sounds like something that the hipster kids who I worked with at the college radio station for a few years would have told me to listen to. The melody isn’t particularly strong, and you’re really straining to hit some of the high notes. As a result, nothing about it really sticks in my head afterward.

Lyrically, well…hmm. The stream of consciousness narrative flow is kind of neat. “Jackie Walorski” is fun to say, and even without knowing who she is the first verse would work for me. Songs written that explicitly spend a lot of time calling out specific political figures almost always land flat in my opinion, and honestly you could have done something so much more poetic than explicitly ragging on Tucker and Donald. They’re easy targets, but I dunno, I’ve just heard too many blunt anti-Trump messages reviewing these contests and imo after the 30th one it just gets repetitive to my ears. We know, he sucks, we get it. Once you get to the third verse of the song though, it gets a lot better. The imagery and sheer amount of spite in those lyrics is well executed and I dig how the song concludes. Challenge met, you referenced the weather.



Berkeley Social Scene - Waterspout

The vocals could use some EQing. They sound pretty muddy as is in a way that makes the melody of the song not really leap out like it should. I listened to this a few times and while there is a melody, it doesn’t stick in my head at all. The guitar solo is nice when it comes, though I would have preferred to hear it a good while earlier in the tune. I feel like the big thing this song is missing is dynamics. It kind of just bops along in this kind of mid tempo groove, never really building much or pulling back ever. Nothing really leaps out and grabs my attention once the vocals come in. The guitars are too loud in the mix compared to the vocals and it’s hard to really feel it.

It takes me awhile to latch onto what this track is actually about. The metaphor about following the spider up the waterspout is unclear, largely cause you’re getting turbulently swirled around in it and getting drowned by this person,but now you want to be in the waterspout to regain your footing when you’re lost? I just don’t really get a sense of narrative out of this song, it just feels like disconnected vignettes that kind of relate to a waterspout? Meets the challenge though!



Chamomileon - Sleet and Snow

Lyrically, this narrative fascinates me. What jungle were you fleeing? Were the two of you a thing? I guess we were. I just can’t figure out what prompted this journey, but I’m not supposed to. Because the story is about driving from Arizona to Thunder Bay, which is not a short drive! I drove from Knoxville to the Canadian Rockies and down the west coast when I was 19 and while the weather was fine, the rain storms could be something fierce. Anyway, some of the lyricism here is funny, though a few lines feel a bit forced rhythmically. “So many people have slid off of the shoulders” and “A Taco Bell burrito” are clunky, and it pains me to say that because Taco Bell is a guilty pleasure of mine. Finishing about the people with common sense not driving to Ontario impulsively is a good move and adds a layer of self-deprecation and self-awareness that suits the song well.

Musically, well, it’s a mellow groove. The contrast in melodic intensity between the verse and the chorus is well executed and so there’s actually a sense of narrative that follows the lyrics. I like the higher backing vocals (or is that a synth) in the chorus? There are a number of times where there’s some pitchiness on the melodic lines (chevy heater, beater) and some times where the vocal performance falls off beat (skating rink for SUVs is rushed). If you went through this a couple more times and really worked on SELLING it, this could be done with some more oomph! As it is, I enjoyed this and thought it was entertaining. I feel like it’s just needing some intensity that isn’t there at some points. All in all satisfying, and definitely meets the challenge.



Ironbark - I Am A Clear Blue Sky

I love how you keep that descending melodic motif going off and on throughout the song, featuring it all the different instruments. You put a lot of little details in your arrangement that are both tasty and tasteful. You present a relatively short song that progresses quickly and never dwells too long at any particular moment – merciful and very welcome in round 1! It sounds like you messed up the timing on the keyboard part right after “you blew in in a hurricane”, like you rushed it or played it too staccato or something. All in all I give you good reviews on your instrumental and arrangement.

Now, there isn’t really a single line in this that really sticks in my head, which despite thinking that this sonically sounds great, I’m not left with much of an impression of anything lyrically. “The rain stays on the plain in spain, but I’m not Spanish you explain” is a witty lyric that’s enjoyable, but I have no idea what you’re talking about exactly, other than the general metaphor that this third party is a disaster of a person in some way. Interesting how unflappable the narrator is in comparison. All of these lines are pretty good I suppose.

While I in no way expect you to do this, I wish this song had a saxophone or flute solo. I would love to give you more feedback,but I think I’ve said all I can really say at this one.



glennny - Psychotic Cyclone

I really dig that harmonic riff that opens and closes the track. Vocals are mixed in a way where the guitars are kind of eating them. Maybe there’s a little too much bass in the mix. I dunno, maybe some EQ work could make it pop a bit more? Try doing a low pass on the vocals! This is another song where the melody never really grabs me. The riffs are good and I like the interplay of the guitar parts (especially that slide, I’m a sucker for slide lately). And oh, those bass harmonics, yum! When that shaker comes in the bridge or whatever it’s a nice touch.

Lyrically hits the theme. I’m not entirely sure that I follow the shift into the chorus. Who is the psychotic little cyclone? Nothing about the story leading up to that really links with the switch to talking about an individual. Like is she the reason the storm is happening? If so, why are you encouraging the two of you to run away together and get out of the storm? Why is she psychotic? I guess you like despite her issues and how she spins you ‘round. I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking it.

I wish it was catchier and I wish the lyrics were more cohesive. Dug the guitar work, great job on that!



Jeff Walker - And So It Begins

Musically this is alright. The mix is pretty decent and I like some of the clean guitar lines that are kind of hidden there. The composition is alright, though I wish the drums would do something a little bit more interesting. They really ought to switch it up a bit throughout the song. While the chords change consistently through each part of the song, the dynamic intensity of the song just kind of stays…samey? I don’t know, this song is very much devoid of elements that really reach out and grab me. I want something memorable, and not much here really *pops* to my ears.

Lyrically, it’s fairly decent. Songs based around hurricanes tend to generally appeal to me – and so the images of palm trees bending hit that part of me. I was a huge weather dork as a child and tropical stuff was always my fixation. Truth be told, it still is. However, one thing that bugs me about these lyrics is how little the vibe you have going on matches what you’re singing about. You’ve got this breezy mellow musical backdrop, and you’re telling me about this awful tempestuous weather? I feel like it should at least have some degree of minor tonality! As it stands it’s too darn sunny? Your song sounds like it’s 82F under partly cloudy skies with a light breeze and a 30% of a brief afternoon shower, not having to board up your windows! Or to rephrase, your lyrics are stormy but your music is sunshine. Would that make your song a sunshower in this metaphor? I digress.

This undeniably meets the challenge, so you pass on that front.



West of Vine - Aeromancer

There’s this slight syncopated thing that happens periodically with the snare drum in this song that is super interesting but all bizarre because those kind of rhythmic shenanigans don’t usually appear in this kind of rootsy country rock. Like it’s clear this is 4/4 but you’ve gotten kind of funky with the drums so appreciated for keeping me on my toes. Also, again, as I’ve mentioned, lately I’ve been really digging slide guitar. I will say at times it feels like your slide guitar part feels a little meandery and aimless, like you felt compelled to add more than was really necessary. Especially right near the end. I dunno, just nitpicking. The speed up and increase in intensity at about the 1:33 mark is very welcome and really adds a boost to the song that it needs. Outro in particular is well composed!

Lyrically this is fascinating, the right blend of woo and meteorology talk to trickle my mind. I’ve never really contemplated the notion of divining much about current atmospheric conditions beyond the likelihood of rain in the immediate future. That being said, I don’t see a whole lot about that topic actually appearing in your lyrics until the very end with “you said the sky could tell why you and i never fell in love like we should” (which I think is a great lyric, btw). It feels more like you just describing the weather that was occurring as you and your not-lover had the events leading up to your breakup, not so much discussing how the weather was predicting any of these things. Melodically, nothing really sticks with me in this song, and I’m not 100% sure how I’d remedy that…it’s just not very catchy. I find myself focusing on the cool percussive shifts and the fun noodly slide guitar haha. My personal enjoyment of the sounds your using give this points.



Hot Pink Halo - Strange Attraction

Coming on the heels of the previous songfight where the optional challenge was “prominently incorporate a noticeable element of a song you hate”, I can’t help but immediately interpret your reference to Taylor Swift’s Blank Space as a recurring lyrical motif as in line with that. Was that your intention? Regardless, it was interesting hearing it interpolated in all of those different ways throughout the tune.

Meteorologically speaking, this is a very abstract take on strange attractors and how non-deterministic meteorological models can be with slight perturbations. A topic I know all too well. I had to install a WRF forecasting model in the school’s meteorology lab when I was in college. So many parameterization options! I digress. The fact that structurally each of these verses is basically variations on the same general pattern seems…meta. Which would be in line with what I know about your creative process.

I really like the buzzing bleepy synth that shows up periodically. This doesn’t really stick in my head, and the main take away that I remember after the song has ended is the “repeat, repeat repeat” and the repeated interpolated Blank Space lyrics. I feel like this has one too many verses. It could end after the third verse and it would be totally okay, cause there isn’t really a lot new that happens from that point onward. Fading out during the repeats makes sense.



Temnere - Seeker Of The Storm

The very first thing that I feel absolutely compelled to say: these lyrics are much more epic than most, if not all, of the other entries this round. But of course.It’s power metal, and it wouldn’t be complete without some epic lyrics. If I interpret the narrative correctly, you are making a deal with a shadowy figure that will restore the fertility of your barren desert land if you…sacrifice yourself in a giant storm? Sure, I love it, this is great stuff. Guitars are chugging along nicely, drums are insistent with the relentless wallop.

The twin, harmonized guitar solo was a nice touch. I’ve heard enough songs of yours over the years to know that you have a pretty defined sound and you really have it locked in. You breathe this stuff and it shows clearly. One thing that I guess I could suggest is that when you bring in that INTENSITY in the vocal performance at the end of the song, it shows me what you’re vocally capable of to the extent that I wish you brought it like you did at the end more times throughout the whole song! Cause there are a few times earlier in the track where it doesn’t feel like really giving it our all, so I dunno…you got a good voice for this genre, Like “from the mouth, his blackest night”, I don’t know, you back off from the grit a bit more, give it more grit! But man that ending vocal run may be the vocal line of the round, yeah!

Like really the only thing I can possibly suggest wth this is “metal even harder than you are already metaling!”. But then again my favorite metal subgenre is Brutal Slam and my most listened to album in 2023 was Scarcity which is like microtonal black metal, of course I’m gonna think this could be more extreme – merely my taste in metal expressing itself. Never worry though, you’re getting a good ranking from me, this is in the upper echelon of round 1.



Hutch - Just Standin’ in the Rain

Compress your guitars more or bring them up in the mix, or let them ring out more in the riff! Though now that I’m listening to it, I guess that’s a synth? It sounds like a synth. It starters to get a bit more interesting as the song goes on, so that’s good. The hi hat pattern is way too loud, and I keep on waiting for a snare drum to come in or the drum pattern to do a little bit more than just play that metronomic hi hat pattern with the kick on the downbeat throughout the entire song. But…the release never comes with the percussion. And for the most part, there isn’t really much dynamic variation in any element of this song until that higher guitar part comes in, at which point it’s solely overdue. But that’s about it, that’s about the only real element that gives this dynamics. The song just feels content to very musically static the whole time.

The reverb on the drums and guitar track contrasts with the sharp dryness of the vocal. Maybe just adding a dash of reverb to your vocals would help them sit in the mix a little bit better? The melody line of “all I can do is stand and listen to the falling of the rain” or other similar lyrics feels like it just kind of drifts around, seeking the beat. I like to hear more interplay between the rhythm of the vocal and the song, and as it stands this song just feels kind of…wooden to me? Elaborate on the percussion. Compose and perform it in a way that expresses a little bit more emotion. It’s a sad and familiar story, man has his heart broken, goes and sulks in the rain. But I don’t detect the slightest bit of sadness in your vocal performance, it just feels rote. Switch things up more! Get out of that relatively narrow melodic band, explore the highs and lows of your voice, maybe relax a bit, get more into it. Meets the challenge, so check that box.



The Dutch Widows - Cold, Hard Blackberry Winter

I’d never heard the phrase blackberry winter before. Indian Summer I’ve heard a million times, but not the converse. I hate blackberry winters, they tend to mess up the fruiting cycle of the fig tree in my yard! Fortunately I’m far enough south that they aren’t super common, but they do happen. Ah, gardening woes. Anyway, bring up your vocal just a little bit in the mix. I’m loving this bottom of your voice vocal performance, it’s just kind of buried to the point where it’s hard to focus on what your saying. Maybe just a little bit more breath behind it too – like it’s so soft it feels like melody mumbling. Less of an issue in the “and the weather” bridge, though you sound a little unsure what note “heart” should land on. Ditto for “long”...same role. Structure is adventurous and I admire how often you switch it up from a riff/rhythm standpoint! “Still be so frosty with me” feels like a missed opportunity for the music to latch onto the shorter phrase and do something musical to highlight it. Or maybe you just need more syllables in that line.

Lyrically, it’s pretty decent, I like the use of the meteorological and botanical imagery through the tune. I’m having trouble figuring out exactly what the dispute is, but does it really matter? Your relationship is on the rocks, but you are hoping its transient and it gets better. Interesting metaphor with a cold snap, but I like it, it’s an original take. Backing vocals going into the final chorus are good. Maybe some timing issues here and there. I do love the peppiness of the melody in the chorus. I’m not sure what vines are on your sycamore tree. Wisteria? I’ve seen a lot of Wisteria on Sycamore trees. Did you know my grandfather was super allergic to Sycamores? They’d set off his asthma really bad. Shame. I love those super broad fanned out leaves.

I found this song kind of hard to rank. The chorus is relatively catchy, but I didn’t really find the rest of it particularly memorable for whatever reason.



chewmeupspitmeout - Hurricane

This song is very much lacking in low end throughout much of the track. Even when the bass line comes back in for the chorus, it still feels way too low in the mix! And the same is true of the kick drum. It’s less pronounced in the second half, primarily because you added a bass synth, but still, the drums here are very anemic and it sucks a lot of propulsion out of the song! I feel like this rhythm should be propulsive but it isn’t. There’s also some mode mixing that is kind of messing with my perception of the song. The backing harmonies during the second verse are mostly using Bb, but the glockenspiel keeps hitting B while you’ve got a harmony voice singing the Bb and it doesn’t match for me. Maybe it’s on purpose, but I want it to be either dorian or aelian, not some kind of no-man’s land between the two modes!

I’d also like it if there was a bit more variation in the song. Up until that outro where you change things up a bit, I feel like you’re just playing the same chord progression over and over and over. It’s made up for by the fact that you do a good job with switching up the dynamics and adding/subtracting elements and what not. The “oooooo” backing vocals get really repetitive after awhile, and I would like to hear some other melody or some variation in them to get out of the static rut! Plus they’re a bit too loud compared to everything else. Like when the outro comes around, there’s this cool synth…distorted…thing? But it’s so buried in the mix, all that really comes through is some high end fuzz.

Okay, I feel like I’ve criticized this one plenty and need to find something nice to say about it now. And fortunately for you – I can do so! Lyrics are doing a good job at evoking how much of a disaster this person/lover/etc is. They get the point across, and all of the imagery of the destruction this undesirably turbulent individual wreaks in your life doesn’t get repetitive and it flows well! I don’t really understand the bit about the “it’s not your fault, I should have seen that you were a hurricane”. Like, no, it’s totally their fault, they don’t have to be a hurricane. I mean I guess you can blame yourself for letting someone like that in your life, but nah, it’s their fault.



Cybronica - Grey Skies

You have a friend named “Estaphonia”? That’s such a cool name for a person to have, tell her that this Spintunes judge thinks her name is awesome. And her flute contributions are terrific, goodness, I love the flute. The medieval stylings of the song coupled with that lovely flute playing brings to mind early King Crimson in a lot of ways which is a good thing, cause I used to sing “I Talk To The Wind” to my kid as a lullaby on a near nightly basis. The younger two didn’t get it as much cause for whatever reason neither of them gave a crap when I’d sing them lullabies. Oh well, I digress.

This isn’t the only song in this fight about someone being stuck in a rut of miserable depression, but this one is pretty great in its own way. Vocal performance is terrific. One thing that does bug me a little bit is there’s this one chord you hit…I think it’s a Bdim with an F on the root…well anyway, the way it sits in the mix ends up sounding really clunky. Maybe a more spread out voicing? Or it could just be the EQing on your guitar? Or is there an F on the guitar with an E in the root? I dunno, something about that chord isn’t sitting right with me. And the bass sounds weird, way too much mid range and treble. I can’t figure it out! But I’m nitpicking too much on a minor element of a song that I’m largely finding to be very enjoyable and great. Am I a sucker for Phrygian? Well, yes.

The slight tonality shift in the coda (these gray clouds call on me) is very welcome and comes right around the right time. That final flute line right after “soak me to the bone and hold me fast” feels a little bit gratuitous, and I would have found a way to end the song there…maybe with a slight ritardando and ending on that line as an a capella vocal line? instead of going back into the flute part and repeating it through a fadeout?

I hope you get to feeling better. Lyrics are nice and poetic, meet the theme, good job.



The Alleviators - Fog

I have very little to criticize here. This is well executed, builds right, compositionally good, well recorded, well performed. All in all a good somber tune and one of the highlights of the round. Great abstract but evocative lyric, I love the metaphor going on with the fog. Seriously, I don’t have much to criticize. The harmonies are great, you both sing this song like you’re really *feeling* the mood of it. The delay and reverb on the lead guitar part are tastefully done.

The touch of ambience that comes with that guitar that swells its way through the intro and then comes in more cleanly in the solo is very well done. Truthfully that’s the nice thing about this song that I like the most. It’s tasteful. Every element is where it needs to be. I suppose I think it would be nice if the drums at the very end of the tune cut off just a little bit earlier instead of going into that fill. I guess I don’t really follow the rhythm of the guitar in the “a veil of dreams” part. It’s *too* floaty right there but not really in a terrific way. But that’s a very minor blight! Maybe turning up the melodic guitar line near the end would be a good choice from a production standpoint.

Very nice, congratulations on being my #1 of the fight. This song is dope.



Winterloper - Frostbitten Hearts

I’m really curious what LJ is going to think of this one as a judge, mainly cause the chord progression and vibe very much seems to match his style. That is not a bad thing at all, as this style with its cool chords and endless 7ths and 6ths and whatnot is ear candy! One thing that I would change a bit is the quantization on the electric piano. Right now everything feels very much RIGHT on the grid when it comes to the rhythm part, which despite how groovy the chords are makes the whole thing feel very…mechanical? The very audible presence of autotune/melodyne/whatever pitch correction plug-in reinforces that vibe too. However, I’m noticing this is only present in the chorus. Not so much the other parts? Like the pitches are clearly going from low to high as a quick arpeggio in the verses… Regardless, this could groove a bit more. Maybe just physically playing it on a MIDI keyboard. Or maybe you did and I’m just totally out to lunch!

Lyrically this is pretty solid, and I really like all of the frozen imagery you use and the gradually seasonal transitions. And I don’t hear too many lines that sound forced or shoehorned, though some of the “abo-o-o-ove”” and “wa-armth” go don’t entirely give me that vibe. I do like that effect on “spark to re-igni-i-i-i-i-ite” though, I wish you had that level of dynamism a lot more throughout the song!

Melodically – well, it’s pleasant enough, and very modal. Nothing about this song really grabs me and catches me, and I don’t know exactly what it is about it. The song ends and by the time that its over, my overall impression was “ooh, jazz chords!”. Personally I feel like this needs some kind of moment where the song really takes off musically to do something else. Like a solo of some kind, however brief? More instrumental interludes? It kind of feels like the instrumental for the chorus and such is very copy-paste…and the overall effect is kind of dull. That cool ascending chord at the end? We need flourishes like that throughout more of the song!



Boffo Yux Dudes - Weather The Storm

I’m amazed by how few people in this fight have songs that are rhythmically interesting. Yeah, this has a pretty standard “rock” backbeat for much of the track, but switching into and out of the triple time section really gives this something musically to latch onto. The same goes for the introduction of the (slightly too loud) tambourine part – complicated no, but really adds some dynamism to this song. And did you change the synth patch to something sounding like a violin for the last chorus? Compositionally a minor detail but makes the tune a lot more interesting!

Productionwise, this works fairly well, though the guitars sound a little anemic, and the vocals seem a bit overdone with their multitracking (particularly with “the weather inside my head”...a few less voices would have made that part work a bit better). As someone with a meteorology background, “the clouds may move away but the low pressure system will not stay” doesn’t make any sense – low pressure is associated with cloudy and rainy weather as a general rule of thumb, unless you’re in a thermal low in which case it isn’t going to rain because those come from extremely hot conditions in arid regions. The “raining, does it ever cease” stanza feels…clunky to me in a way that I’m not entirely sure how to remedy.

Bass does a good job at locking in with the drums and giving me something rhythmically to chew on. I know those are virtual drummer drums but they’re well arranged and tasteful, at least to my ears! One thing I’ve been commenting on with a lot of people’s songs is “what do I remember when I’m done with it”...and for this, it’s the cool rhythmic switchups and the chorus, which while not necessarily the catchiest thing ever is upfront enough and melodic enough for me to be able to hum it after the song is over so that gets you some points!



SunLite - Glass House

If the contest was “weather references per total word count”, you may be a top contender here. Clouds, lightning, foggy. There’s also talk of earthquakes and wildfires, the former of which isn’t really weather (you aren’t the only one to bring up earthquakes), and the latter of which tends to make its own rather dramatic weather at times! I also like the fact that you used the term haboob…though really, haboobs don’t really trigger rust nearly as fast as rain would. I guess it could blast off the protective layer of older rust and accelerate the process though, but really sweet morning dew wouldn’t renew at all. It would be more likely to make the process worse! Ah! That and “rain clouds ball when they feel heavy”. Is “ball” your synonym for precipitate, or is it referring to the shape of the cloud. The former would make more sense but I’m not huge on it. Anyway, I guess lyrically it’s possible that this overdoes it (imo) with the weather references in the lyrics, but that’s just a matter of opinion.

Guitar riff is cool, and guitar solo is cool. Some of the rhythmic choices in this song feel like the lyrics are being forced to fit the rhythm of the song. “Through muck and mire/could have inspired/but its blowing away/in this darkening gray” is one…I don’t know, the rhythm there just feels awkward? Ditto for the “As twilight moves to daybreak/I start to sense the earthquake” feels a bit clunky. I also feel like the outro goes on a bit too long, even though I really dig that guitar solo. The layering of chorus A and chorus B after the solo would be kind of cool…but then I feel like the song should stop after that sooner than it does. Like, we get to verse 4 with half the song left! It makes the rest of the song kind of feel like padding.

Anyway, this song has a good groove and beat. It doesn’t stick with me, sadly. It’s melodic, but never really GRABS me and HOOKS ME IN, you know? It’s one of those songs I want to like more than I do.



Governing Dynamics - Storm Over The Ocean

Lyrically, I’m not entirely sure what is going on in this relationship. Is it the protagonist that is the stormy one? Or the second party? Or both of them? Regardless, it’s well performed and well arranged. You do the trick of having a variation on the chorus that’s longer than the first time it comes around, which keeps musical interest going. Something about the transition between the guitar solo and that final chorus feels like it’s missing something. Maybe just a couple measures of a drum fill or some build to get the intensity back up and make that final chorus pop would have been more ideal?

Something about the mix is bugging me. I think it feels like there isn’t enough bass, but also there’s a slight slapback or reverb on the vocals? I can’t figure out exactly what it is, but I don’t know how much I like it with this song. “and using more fuzz on my guitar than is probably technically necessary.” is in your artist bio, and yeah, the fuzz feels…good, but maybe could be sculpted a bit with EQ to pull out a few of the harsher frequencies. The chorus has a catchy melody, which gets you a lot of mileage (especially in a round 1 fight where memorability goes a long way!).

As it stands, I simultaneously like this but also wish it had something…more. More oomph? I guess?



Menage a Tune - Wind and sand

Very minimalistic in comparison to most of the songs here. I assume other judges are going to comment on the production as well – was this recorded on a cell phone sitting on a table in your living room while you played the piano and then overdubbed a vocal track on it? The piano feels very far away and kind of reverbey but in a way that sounds like room ambiance and not a plug-in. Finding a way to record the piano that sounds a little bit closer would do you a lot of favors! The vocal on the other hand sounds generally fine. Maybe a bit pitchy at times, but good enough for my standards.

Obviously, this is a lyrical number, and I’m just gonna say, it’s *nice* to hear one of the small handful of songs that didn’t go for some kind of relationship turbulence expressed via a storm/rain or depression via rain/fog. In fact, this may be the single most emotionally affecting song from a lyrical standpoint in the fight. It’s so sad! But true, miserable homeless veterans are more common than anyone wants to admit. And the double meaning of desert storm as a literal wind storm and desert storm as in the early 1990s military operation was actually brilliant! There are only a couple lines that don’t entirely land with me due to the way that they fit lyrically, and that’s the one that ends with “body bags”, and the “box” cause I can’t tell if this dude just sits on a box or actually lives in a box, but it feels almost like a cliche regarding homeless people. But goodness, the switches in perspective from the wind in the war to the wind on the street and then to the desert sand to the narrator being like sand, goodness, packs a punch emotionally.

Normally I tend to be biased against songs that are this poorly recorded, but this is getting a pretty high score from me. If you’re back for round 2, bring your mic closer to the piano please!!!



Sober - Back in Texas

The first thing I did with this song was go on Google Maps and verify that you didn’t actually have a Chick-Fil-A in your town. And wow, look at that! You do! I’m not actually sure which part of Maine you live in, but unless it’s Bangor or Westbrook, you’d be driving quite a ways to get there. Plus I would also rather eat oysters most days. I’m not sure my children would feel the same way, they are nuggetaholics. Though if we were down by the GA coast we’d be able to get oysters too. Fun fact, part of the work I’ve done at my current job is providing meteorological guidance to oyster fisheries to determine whether or not they can open harvesting. Something to do with runoff modeling…we just automated a feed that sends them spatially averaged precipitation data.

Okay, so about the actual song. The drums in the recording are a great touch. Simple, yeah, but when did you ever heard Merle Haggard get too complicated with his drum parts? This is Bakersfield! And I listened to Big City recently and your drums sound better. Overall narrative kind of makes me want to take a visit to Maine. I’ve never been up there. From a compositional standpoint, the only thing I don’t really care for is how you hold out the “Maiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine” parts in the earlier choruses. When you hold it out in that final chorus it really makes it pop and structurally works, but it seems premature when you do it throughout the whole song.

I’ve been wondering why you actually did leave Texas and move to Maine. Now I know! Personally – I’m one of those “stick around and fight” people you’re offering a rebuttal to. “Be the change you wish to see” and all that is my philosophy as a dude who lives in a region that was covered in cotton plantations back in the day and is still filled with old folks that pine for the Confederate days and call the civil war “the war of northern aggression”. But I can respect your decision to leave, even if I don’t personally agree with it myself. Besides. Maine is prettier than Texas in nearly all regards and when I lived in Corpus Christi I couldn’t wait to get the hell out of that sweltering refinery town that often smelled of fish and sulfur. Plus you get to build snowmen. That’s fun! Moose are more majestic than javelinas anyway.

MHolland coming in with that baritone guitar solo was pretty terrific and it sounded great. Is that a baritone telecaster? It has that telecaster twang to it. If not, certainly fooled me! All in all, a good song with a high score and it was well executed. Plus my wife got really excited when you brought up Ropers.



Eric Baer - Weather Anomaly

Is this about the Zoloft commercials with the sad blob who has a rain cloud following him around?

That’s the first thing I thought of reading through your lyric sheet. If not, well…that’s how my brain interpreted it. Poor dude, maybe if he would get on Zoloft, the storm clouds would go away. And the people nearby wouldn’t have to duck into their doorways to get away from homie’s storm clouds! I like the chord shift as you go into the “never any …” stanzas. I guess that counts as a chorus. Also, “no one seems to realize”...that implies that there’s some reason that they’re missing, but I don’t know if anyone actually knows! I don’t think your protagonist knows why. That’s why you keep saying no idea why!

Anyway, the song itself is pretty decent, though it could really use slightly louder vocals in the mix to give it some dynamism and a stronger melody. After listening to it several times, I find it hard to really latch onto much of anything beyond the lyrics themselves…it’s missing a good hook or some central image to really grab me! I like the imagery in the lyrics though. I just find the song itself kind of compositionally…undercooked?

I still can’t get the image of the sad blob from the Zoloft commercial out of my head though and that is in no way your fault



Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost - Weather Song

This is a song that I like a lot more on paper than I do the endresult. Starting with the talk of saturnalia and the 2nd person being into clouds and Hemingway was promising. I like the concept of only being able to talk about the weather because you aren’t able to get anything else in terms of the conversation cause your mind goes blank the second you try to talk to [person]. I mean, it is ultimately the ultimate small talk topic.

I really want to like this more than I do, but it ends up just feeling kind of haphazardly put together. There’s too much cymbal crashing, and the rhythm is loose to the point where it doesn’t necessarily sound well rehearsed. Rushed beats, harmonies that don’t necessarily work (specifically “howwww, I feel for you”). “Line by line” rhythmically is kind of clunky compared to the line before it. I do like the synth twinkly thing, it kind of reminds me of the twinkly synth in the cave overworld in Super Mario World.

“Sudden sunshower, what’s that all about, ball lighting, rainbows hail [...] have you ever been in an earthquake?” Okay, that line amuses me deeply, but it also really makes me think of Miracles by Insane Clown Posse in style for some reason in terms of the delivery and execution of it. Like it just feels like a list of random examples and then a big tangent into earthquakes, which aren’t really weather at all.

Despite all of my criticisms, I do find this song charming and it’s certainly memorable, it’s just missing some polish and composition that would make it really pop.



Ominous Ride - Nymphorainiac

I’ll start with the production notes. The slight delay or reverb or whatever it is on the guitar would work better if the guitar was less high in the mix and there was more audible bass and drums. The drums are almost totally drowned out, I can barely hear them for half the song! Even the guitar solo (or is that a keyboard) sounds super far in the background. Plus this opens up with a couple seconds of dead silence…shows a lack of quality control in the submission process.

Lyrically, this is hilarious. Is it because my sense of humor is crass and vulgar? Well, maybe. But it’s still funny. And you sell it well, despite my complaints about the way this is mixed (your vocals are muddy!). A proper chorus would really do this song some favors too, cause the structure seems a little – haphazard? “Curse this hurricane between by legs” and all of its variations would work better if the vocals were clearer, cause that’s the part that should be sticking in my head and right now it’s not because the whole thing sounds like mush.

I feel like that’s a lot of words for complaining about the mixing in this song, but that is probably its biggest problem. It just needs a bit more polish. Maybe a lot more polish. The ending doesn’t really satisfy me either, it just kind of stops. But I still think the audacity of writing a song like this at all gets you some points because come on, the idea of being sexually aroused by rain is just funny. And it’s certainly memorable, which in a sea of 32 entries works to your advantage!



Dream Bells - Snowsong

Oh, this is lush. I love the synth work and overall vibe. That breakbeat and Reese bassline are going together great, and that twinkly snowy synth just tickle my ear drums in the best possible way.

I would have absolutely no idea what the lyrics were saying unless they were highlighted. I have nothing against vocoding and super electronic pitch correction and such, I just literally can’t make out the words! Kind of an issue for a songwriting contest where everyone is judged in part based on how close the song ties into the challenge? Good for you, you wouldn’t be eliminated cause this is clearly a weather related song, but next time turn the vocals up in the mix so I can actually make out the words!

It could use a stronger melody in the chorus, or maybe a different melody from the verses. I can’t really audibly make out the difference between the chorus and verses. Same chord progression, generally same beat, a big ol’ wash of pretty sound. The biggest difference is that there’s less drums and less bass in the verses. But yeah, differentiate the melodies a bit better. Cause really, the verses and chorus sound about the same melodically, as nice as it sounds. Same goes for the bridge. Sonically, the bridge may as well be another verse! But boy, this sounds pretty. It sounds really really pretty. Ending sounds like you’re about to drop into the next section of the song and then it just kind of stops. Sigh.

It’s a wonderful soundscape for sure. Does that translate to a great song? I don’t know, my vote is a resounding “maybe”. Switch up the melody lines more and give me a proper hook, something to grab my attention, some more progression in the song, maybe more changes in rhythm beyond [beat. Louder beat. Stop the beat for a second. Filter the beat. Okay no more filter]. Some fills! Something new!



▷ - Burning Paper Planes [SHADOW]

Lol you pandered to me specifically with this one knowing my love of hyperdub. And it does a pretty good job at it! I love the wubs, the rhythmic modulations. I’d adjust the EQ a bit on the synth and wub section before the monologue about how hot you are. It seems too bassy, you need some treble to give it some twinkle! I also like how it kind of subverts the club music trope about talking about being hot by literally talking about being hot. The random piano that kind of wanders around in the background during that section is fun, if noodly. This could definitely benefit from having a bit more structure, but as you’ve mentioned you put a lot more work into Rain…and it does kind of show. That one has that transcendent beautiful moment where that synth line comes in and OH it’s sweet. This is also good but after listening to all these songs a bunch of times I understand why you submitted that one as your main entry.

Clean this up EQ-wise and polish it a bit more! It doesn’t really have a very coherent structure, but the sounds are so good! You are our resident beep booper and you’re a darn fine beep booper at that.



Phlub - Which Juan? [SHADOW]

My wife and I came up with this. Back when we lived in Corpus Christi it seemed like everyone we ran into was named Juan. I looked it up and South Texas has the highest concentration of Juans in the US. Anyway, I knew two different Juans in the meteorological community and one of them worked at Channel 6 as the on air weather guy, and naturally that had to be the one true Juan, otherwise this dumb ol’ song wouldn’t fit the challenge. Also apparently I’ve expanded the Phlub song universe and now Valley Motors has a franchise in the Rio Grande Valley instead of the Tennessee Valley, cause there certainly weren’t many Juans there when I was growing up.



Spintown & Company - Go To Sleep! [SHADOW]

What the heck, this is by far one of the best songs in the round, and if it were received on time, I would have probably put it in my top 3! Has that old school alternative/power pop vibe and is executed super well! Upon my first listen I was just kind of soaking in the earworminess of it and not even paying attention to the lyrics. And then a couple of the lines made me realize what you were talking about. “Wait…this is about…being pissed off that your Minecraft buddy won’t go to bed?! HA!!!” I can definitely relate to that, even though I never really play Minecraft on a server. I haven’t really played it in a couple years, but I’ve told my son to go to bed on a zillion different occasions. Or vice versa, “DAD, GO TO BED, MONSTERS!!!” “hold on, I’m building!” “Build in the morning!”.

Literally the only negative feedback I could possibly give to this song is that “puddle of mud” has awkward phrasing. .I don’t know what lyric I would have put there, but it just doesn’t fit, especially as the last line of the chorus. But seriously, other than that, this is probably the single most radio friendly song of the entire round. The evil laughter over the guitar solo was a great touch. This gets an A!

https://spintunescontest.blogspot.com/2 ... phlub.html

[BoffoYux]

ST22.1 Reviews and Rankings - Tunes By LJ
Here are your Round 1 rankings from SpinTunes 21 Champion Tunes By LJ:

TunesbyLJ1.JPG (42.16 KiB) Viewed 212 times

This was a great batch of songs, varied across genre and approach. I decided against using a scoring algorithm to help with reviews and rankings, but here are some of the areas I found myself fixating on and commenting on:

Quality: Is the song well-mixed, well-recorded, and generally in tune?
Performance: Does the song showcase the artist's technical skill and ability?
Dynamics: Does the song exhibit dynamic variation and evolution over time?
Lyrics: Is the song saying something interesting, and is it relevant to the challenge?
Originality: Am I noticing deliberate creative decisions and artistic intent?


▷ - Rain

No one in this competition sounds quite like you, and that’s very much to your benefit. You’ve got a lot of soundspace to explore and own, and you do a damn good job of it here. The lo-fi glitchy percussion is well mixed and perfectly balances the brain-tingling arpeggios and bloops. There’s a lot going on, but it blends nicely - and that’s a tough feat to accomplish. There are so many cool moments in this song, dynamic flourishes, unexpected and delightful chord progression (the white noise calms me doooown). Flawless synth solo to close it out, so delicate and deliberate. I can really tell how much you’ve evolved as an artist just based on what I’ve heard over the last few competitions. The quality of your vocals is still a problem - a nicer microphone would certainly improve things (not trying to pile on, but it is genuinely a bottleneck in the quality of your music at this point). Your melodic instincts are impeccable though, and I love the way you’ve panned the vocal takes to the left and right, a favorite tactic of mine, which helps a lot with blending. You’ve clearly evolved quite a lot with your confidence and command of your voice. Can’t wait to hear more from you.



Falcon Artist - The Sun

This was unfortunately a bit of a drag for me - you have a few factors working against you here. The quality of the recording is poor, which makes it hard to understand your vocals or parse them out from the guitar. The guitar itself is just a smidge out of tune, which may not be an issue to most, but I found it enough of an annoyance to color my experience of the song. Lastly, the performance is quite repetitive - the same strumming pattern, basic guitar chords, not much vocal variety, and lyrics that failed to leave much of an impression. In the future I’d suggest changing your strumming pattern for the chorus to break up the song and give it a bit more texture. Also, try recording guitar and vocals separately so you can have more control over the mix and EQ.



Joy Sitler - Parade

This song was sweet, enjoyable, catchy, and earnest, if a bit unoriginal and safe. I love the way it builds over time with the addition of the bass, double-tracked vocals, the folksy drums, and the satisfying blossom into the chorus, which falls away into a lovely outro. The whole thing is very neat and tidy, following a tried and true formula, with a feelgood narrative that didn’t do much for me. I have very little to critique about your mix, instrumental, vocals, and songwriting instincts, though I did catch you racing ahead of the beat in a few places. All in all this was a tasty snack, but it's one I’ve tasted plenty of times before.



The Pannacotta Army - A New Low

The percussion just immediately jumps out and hooks me - you have an incredibly well-developed sense of style and finesse, and just when I think I’ve figured out your shtick, you bring something new to bear and I find something new to love. This is such a cool and confident song, love the subtle chord progression choices that subvert expectations. The two guitars complement each other perfectly, and the light piano 8th notes help drive the chorus forward with subtle vigor. My only note is that it lacks a little dynamism - as cool as the drums are, perhaps some more variety would add texture and separate out the chorus a bit more. Overall it's another delightful entry from you, easy and breezy. More please!



Cheslain - And The Rain Came Pouring Down

Those guitar chords in the beginning hooked me instantly. The voicings you chose are richly expressive. This is a beautiful song, with a masterfully painted soundscape, especially during the verses. Lots of subtle mixing and production choices that demonstrate proficiency. Percussion is cool and minimalist, complementing the verse well. The second chorus sounds a bit muddy to me with the distorted guitar - a little too much happening in the mid range. Overall a tight cohesive package, with a nice modulation at the end to tie a bow on the whole thing. That distinctive deep voice brings a lot of majesty and personality. Lots to like here, excited to hear more from you.



See-Man-Ski - Popcorn Brain

Really nice layers in the instrumental, everything feels tight and well-balanced. Your vocals get a little lost in the mix during the chorus, overpowered by the percussive elements. Regardless, the pop-pop-popcorn brain refrain is a major earworm - you have solid melodic instincts and your voice is excellent. I just wish it was a little more full and forward in the mix. The lyrics overall are charming, but the “rain” metaphor in the chorus felt a little weak (the fog line made a lot more sense to me). A couple flat notes in that acapella section which otherwise made for a nicely dynamic bridge section. You clearly know your way around a song, not surprised at all that you’re a former champion! Looking forward to hearing more from you.



Stacking Theory - Mordialloc Beach (when the wind is right)

Something I’ve really come to appreciate about your musical output is just how varied it is. I never really know what I’m going to get from you but I always end up loving it. The droning instrumental is just so damn cool - I can’t tell how much of this is midi vs. live instruments, but I do know for a fact that those 8th notes are almost inhumanly crispy and perfectly laid down. The soundscape builds over time with those fuzzy guitar flourishes and fun little synths and beautiful swelling vocals. The only criticism I can give here is that the vocal performance in the first verse is a smidge intense - perhaps a lighter touch would’ve blended a bit better. I’m also not the biggest fan of spoken word interludes, but I suppose that’s mostly a matter of personal preference - it’s certainly well done here. My belief in the stacking theory stands unshaken.



The Moon Bureau - Sweater Weather

You have a very confident sound. You know exactly what you wanted to do here and you delivered it effectively. I will get right to the point though: it sounds almost indistinguishable to the Smiths to me. I mostly mean that as a compliment - if someone put this on in the background and told me that was Morrissey singing I would not even question it. I may simply be a bit ignorant of the nuances and variance within this Britpop style, but I struggle to find the originality here. You are definitely in your own lane with this sound, and you clearly have an impressive command of the genre conventions enough to replicate it almost perfectly. I wish I could hear more deliberate artistry though. Next time I’d love to see a song bio to help me better understand the intended vision. The only technical feedback I have is that your vocal sounds a little out of tune in parts, but maybe that’s part of the genre experience you’re going for and it’s just a little lost on me.



Giraffes for Wings - Impact Winter

This has a lot of potential but is dragged down by the lo fi recording. You clearly have a well-thought out vision here, but it needs a bit more finesse to stand out in a competition like this. You have a clear sense of vocal style, and I really love the story you’re telling - we all have that one family member… Some clever and fun writing that actually oozes charisma despite the grainy texture. I want to hear more from you, but I want to hear it through a better recording setup. I’m trying hard to listen past those limitations to the clearer version of this song that could exist.



Berkeley Social Scene - Waterspout

This was light and fluffy and pleasant overall, but didn’t quite work for me. Reminds me a bit of Weezer - the intro lick is giving Pork and Beans, and the hook reminds me of Blue album tunes, both the guitar and the vocal melodies. Guitar work throughout is solid, though the pre chorus doesn’t hit me quite right - that D minor chord is a little jarring after hearing it as a D major V chord throughout the verse. My biggest complaint here is the vocal mix - it just sounds a little thin and weak, having a hard time breaking through, like it's been over-compressed and missing some important frequency bands on both sides.



Chamomileon - Sleet and Snow

This one didn’t quite get there for me, but had a few parts I really enjoyed. The guitar work is solid - that higher pitched texture balances out the soundscape nicely against your baritone vocals. The faster pace of the lyrics in the chorus evokes passion and momentum, but it also makes me wish the verses had more of that energy. I don’t think the lower harmony in the later section works that well, it sounds a little clumsy and uneven, and out of tune in parts. You have some interesting sound choices in there - I do appreciate a good flanger when used effectively, and I think you’ve done that here. I probably would've cut this song after the first time through that outro, repeating it felt a little redundant. Overall not a bad song, just didn’t really grab me.



Ironbark - I Am A Clear Blue Sky

Your songs read as Art to me in a way that inspires a healthy combination of reverence and jealousy. Living up to the promise of its title, this song contains a lot of empty space, its few components weaving in and out of each other with nimble delicacy. The “cuban lounge” beat has every reason in the world to sound cheesy as hell but not in your capable hands. The lyrics are deliberate and economical, striking a balance between colorful metaphor and emotional gravity, abstraction and specificity, delicately avoiding cliche. The (feminized) other, unstable and volatile, opposite the (masculinized) narrator, stoic and zen-like - on its face a common stereotype - gets cleverly subverted in the final moments, with the narrator’s blamelessness revealed as an abusive withdrawal of emotional connection that the other so clearly craves. Masterfully done, subtle and poignant without feeling pretentious. If I had to give you notes, I’d say the vocal and piano feel a little rushed in certain parts, giving it a bit of an impatient feel, but it's well-concealed by the ambling shuffle of the beat.



glennny - Psychotic Cyclone

This song goes a lot of different directions and all of them are interesting in their own ways. It can be a gamble creating such distinct vibes in each section of a song, but I think you’ve blended them effectively here. You’re clearly having fun with all the guitar bloops and riffs, and the propulsive energy is infections. What's going on with the muffled vocal mix though? Feels like you went a little too hard on compression - the higher frequency bands are missing and it sounds lifeless and muted. I can’t tell exactly what the problem is there but it feels unfinished and undermixed compared to the pristine guitar treatment.



Jeff Walker - And So It Begins

This is a rich instrumental, smooth and well-mixed. I’m not hearing much on either side - it’s all pretty much down the middle, which works well overall. The panned background vocals during the chorus really widen things out in a pleasing way. You’ve got a lovely baritone voice that sits nicely in the mix and carves out space, perfectly blended into the various textures of the instrumental. All in all this felt a little musically safe and plain to me, especially the chorus - I wanted a bit more buildup and tension, but the early return home to the root stalls the momentum a bit. I know you’re capable of more interesting chord progressions and melodic decisions, and I found myself wanting a bit more from you there. The lyrical work is masterful though - many of your fellow contestants attempted a similar metaphor this round, but I found yours to be among the best, covering a lot of symbolic ground without feeling cliche.



West of Vine - Aeromancer

This dragged for me a bit until those distorted slide guitar licks came in on the left and perked me back up. Really nice embellishment, very pleasing to listen to and well performed. I appreciate the gradual dynamic escalation - you’re building up the song over time, filling things out and creating a sense of momentum. Overall though I felt like this song was lacking some cohesion and execution. I can definitely hear what you’re going for with that baritone drawl, but your voice feels a little stretched beyond what it’s capable of, particularly phrases with low notes (in the morning, at the party). The strummed acoustic is serviceable, and the drums are also fine - that blown out kick drum actually works pretty well here. I think the distorted guitar in the last section is probably panned a little too far to the right, feels like it's pulling the center of gravity a bit and throwing off the balance.



Hot Pink Halo - Strange Attraction

I love the “if is then” motif, a nice melodic touch and a great way to take the rather abstract subject matter and ground it in something poetic and musical. You really have a knack for musicalizing the mundane! The instrumental sounds a bit busy for my liking but the component parts are well constructed. The bouncing drums add a nice textured flourish throughout, the snare might be a little hot in the mix but I’m not too bothered by it. The synth on the left during the chorus is neat, but I think that’s what contributes to the “busyness” I’m hearing, especially when balanced on the right by distorted guitar - different sounds are competing for attention and upstaging your vocals a bit. On that note, your vocal performance is a bit halting and pitchy, at times inconsistent and faltering. It certainly infuses your music with personality, but it works better for some songs than others, and I feel it could have used a bit more rhythmic tightening in this one.



Temnere - Seeker Of The Storm

I can’t help but love this! A ripping-hot Maiden-style romp through a fearsome fantasy land, electric guitars galloping and caterwauling, rallying us onward to adventure. I had more fun listening to this than pretty much any other song this round. You’ve done a remarkable job replicating the high points of the genre - that Bruce Dickenson-esque scream at the end had me hooting and hollering with joy. The double-tracked guitar solo hits perfectly, and the double-kick drum sample is dialed in. However, the sum of all these glorious parts… is a power metal song that sounds a lot like every other power metal song. You are very much in command of the genre and sound, but I’m not really picking up on anything that makes it yours. I’m hearing a fun and competent (and unrepentantly corny) facsimile of those who came before, striving for replication and imitation rather than evolution and commentary.



Hutch - Just Standin’ in the Rain

I’m struggling with this one. It’s hard for me to tell for certain that you have no live instruments here, but the guitar solo is unmistakably a midi instrument, with a familiar robotic lifelessness that feels cheap and flimsy. It’s possible to deliver exemplary work without using live instruments, but trying to recreate an effective guitar solo in midispace is a nigh impossible task. In general there’s not much to say about the instrumental, other than highlighting what it lacks: energy, dynamism, variety, momentum. The rhythm guitar and percussion is nondescript, just repeating the same basic chords and beat without much variation. Your vocals are strained and limp, and the lyrics failed to make much of an impact - many entries this round opted to link “bad weather” with “heartbreak,” but I failed to find an original twist or idea here, just familiar bluesy cliches.



The Dutch Widows - Cold, Hard Blackberry Winter

The deep vocals on this one are a nice touch! They are a tad quiet in the mix but it still blends well. Lots of dynamic fluidity, the chorus really stands out, and the chord progression moves around enough to keep things interesting and fresh. You’ve got a knack for packing a lot of lyrics into your songs without making them feel overstuffed. I’m not hearing much to critique about the mix - everything is pretty well settled into its place, and you’ve really perfected that sound. Overall a pleasant song, not particularly exciting, but well mixed and competently delivered. Looking forward to more.



chewmeupspitmeout - Hurricane

This song has a mature and well-developed sound, which is difficult to accomplish with synths and midi alone (I’m not hearing any live instrumentation here). The background vocal work in particular is excellent - super effective use of ooo’s, acting as an instrumental layer or their own, fleshing out the midrange with rich vibrant harmony. As the song unfolds, you continue to add more layers to the mix, especially in the chorus and finale, and the end result feels a bit crowded. I’m hearing at least 6 different synth patches (not including percussion) - while none of them sound particularly odd or out of place, it contributes to a lack of cohesion in the instrumental. Fortunately your vocals do a fine job holding the song together and providing consistency, but I found myself wanting more from the vocal textures and less from the synths.



Cybronica - Grey Skies

This song is haunting, disconcerting, and ultimately quite beautiful. The phrygian scale is not a particularly inviting one, but you’ve used it to great effect in the first few verses, especially given the subject matter. The instrumental is sparse and simple, piano movement and guitar strums serving as the only percussive elements, leaning on the vocals to do the heavy lifting. Your vocals are more than capable of shouldering that burden - beautifully operatic, full-throated, accentuating the haunting notes in the scale. The wind instrument interludes are a welcome respite from the dark emotionality of the verse - is that low notes on a flute? Whatever it is, it's quite beautiful! When the song ultimately resolves into a more familiar minor key soundspace, the chord progression takes the melody on a wistful spin, relishing these more comforting sounds without abandoning the somber aesthetic. You took some risks here and they’ve paid off. Looking forward to more from you.



The Alleviators - Fog

Delicately competent rhythm guitar work, ambling percussion, tasteful synths, wistfully sensual lyrics, and sumptuous vocal harmonies. This is a real feast for the senses, steeped in nostalgia, melancholic and familiar. The doubled vocals work remarkably well - you’ve mixed them perfectly with the instrumental, showcasing a masterful command of the genre and sound. Interesting take on the challenge, very subtle but well executed. The performance has a few shortcomings: certain elements (mostly vocals/guitar) rush ahead now and then, throwing off the smoothness and snapping me out of my reverie a bit. It’s tough to stay patient on a slow song like this. The guitar solo after the first chorus is underwhelming, and comes in a little flat - probably unnoticeable to most but just enough to bug me. Really strong work overall, just needs to be tightened up a smidge across the board.



Winterloper - Frostbitten Hearts

This is a real diamond in the rough. I love the soundscape you’ve created here, with jazzy e-piano 7 chords flowing smoothly between sections and moods. It’s quite minimalist too - you’re delivering a lot of emotion and depth with only a few midi instruments. Some commenters noted a similarity to my own musical style, and as a fellow jazz chord appreciator I’m glad to have you aboard the Spintunes train! Your vocal range between falsetto and baritone is impressive, you’d do well to keep leaning into that. It just needs a bit more polish. The lyrics are a little clumsy at points, like you’re squeezing too many syllables into each phrase. The imagery is heavy-handed, though the focus on the “iciness” of heartbreak nicely compliments the cold detachment of the instrumental. Your vocals are stretched and overtuned, and some of the rhythmic movement in your vocal melody doesn’t quite line up. I’d like to see you tighten the bolts a bit on your next entry, but you’ve certainly got a style that stands out here, albeit one that I’m quite partial to.



Boffo Yux Dudes - Weather The Storm

This song has a good driving energy and a catchy vocal melody, but the drum patch really steals the show. It’s bold to feature a digital plugin like that so prominently, I would normally advise against it, but it actually sounds pretty convincing here, very clean and perfectly EQ’d. The rest of the mix fails to cohere around it though. The guitar feels like it's been compressed and effected into oblivion - I can’t really tell how much is a live instrument and how much is midi, but I want more of it in the mix either way. I do like some of the more subtle synth textures that flesh out the chords, but the high pitched violin thing alongside the loud tambourine shakes in the second chorus just doesn’t really blend at all. The vocals are forced and pitchy, performed with gusto but lacking polish and finesse. The harmonies are nice overall, but those low harmonies under “the weather inside my head” are a little too muddy to have the effect you intended.



SunLite - Glass House

What should be a fun, breezy, perfectly mediocre rock song is dragged down by some pretty glaring intonation errors in the vocals. The instrumental is clean and tight - the rhythmic interplay between the various component parts works well, the mix is solid, good dynamics. The vocals on the other hand are a devastating miss. It sounds like you applied an auto-tune plugin using the wrong scale (chromatic?) or otherwise botched the manual tuning you did, and this song is a pretty tough hang as a result. It’s really a bummer because of how well the rest of the song is put together - the intended melody and rhythm of the vocals is super catchy, especially the “wild fire” pre-chorus. Just 15 minutes of smoothing out those bad notes would increase your ranking with me significantly. In the future when tuning vocals make sure the notes are aligned to the correct scale - if you’re having a hard time doing this by ear, you can usually fall back on visual aids in the DAW to assist with that.



Governing Dynamics - Storm Over The Ocean

Good (well-governed?) dynamic variety here. The rhythmic change in the chorus helps it stand out and give a satisfying feeling of space and arrival after the intense buildup of the pre-chorus. Rhythm guitar tone and performance is dialed in from the outset. You’ve really nailed that washy 90’s alternative sound. Vocals sit nicely in the mix, though a small gain boost couldn’t hurt. Caught a few sour notes that would benefit from some cleanup. Lastly, that guitar solo: though perfectly placed in the song and the mix, it didn’t quite deliver the juice I was hoping for, especially after that impeccable buildup. Lackluster pentatonic noodling, lacking in confidence and finesse - it just doesn’t quite live up to the high standard set by the rest of the song. Overall though this is a fine piece of work, looking forward to more from you.



Menage a Tune - Wind and sand

This is a sad, mournful tune that feels quite personal. The subject matter is devastating, a somber but effective take on the challenge. The song itself is quite simple, there’s not much texture to grab ahold of - your vocals sit a little too far in front of a distant piano, the plunking chords giving just enough structure to differentiate the chorus from the verse. Unfortunately, success in this competition requires more polish and sheen than you’ve provided here. Your vocals are operatic and frail, stretching a bit too far to hit the low notes. It sounds like you recorded this live in a single take, and while it doesn’t sound bad, it’s missing the depth and clarity you’d get from a better setup.



Sober - Back in Texas

You bring such rich personality and authenticity to the lyrics you write. Your songs are a perfect example of how to sound fresh and original without straying too far outside the confines of your genre comfort zone. This is so specific and personal, rippling with disarming charisma - and what a refreshing take on the challenge prompt. Your instrumental chops have been feted by many in prior contests and I’m happy to report that you’ve still got the juice. Performances across the board are flawless, and it's all very neatly mixed and assembled, reflecting the confidence of a seasoned songwriter. I came around on the extra bar after “Maiiiine” - on first listen it felt a little slow but I think you’ve earned that space. As someone who also moved away from Texas with family in Maine I absolutely loved this one (and my dad loved it too!)



Eric Baer - Weather Anomaly

I really like the melancholic chord progression for the verse, and the way you subvert that with a pre-chorus key change that seems to come out of nowhere. I wasn’t expecting that to work as well as it does - it adds freshness without feeling too weird or out of place. Unfortunately that moment (and others) are undercut by a lack of polish on your vocals. The melody comes through a little flat and off-key, which sours an otherwise melodically interesting song. It also drags down the energy level, which isn’t helped by the slow tempo or canned drum loop. The lyrical refrain in the chorus has a great classic feel to it, and sits perfectly within the chord progression. “Chased by a turbulent sky” - what a great turn of phrase. I think there’s a real gem of a song here that just needs to be tightened up and given a bit more life.



Lucky Witch & the Righteous Ghost - Weather Song

This started as a cute, quirky, and sparkly little jam that quickly runs aground on some brutally out-of-tune vocal work in the chorus. I love the premise and the vivid storytelling, the writing is engaging and fun, especially the details you chose to paint this scene. The instrumental is passably lo-fi and aligns well to the twee indie style you’re going for. I went to a lot of shows in college that sounded like this. The vocal performance in the verse actually works quite well! It comes off as a sort of quasi-tonal spoken word style that I found quite charming, at least initially. But the move to the chorus is also an attempt at sustain and intonation, and it fails quite miserably, especially when the 2 part harmony starts. I actually feel for your harmonist here - it sounds like they had a plan for hitting certain notes and staying in key. I can’t say the same for your lead vocalist. It’s important to know your weaknesses and lean into your strengths. Either invest in pitch correction software or just keep polishing that spoken-word style.



Ominous Ride - Nymphorainiac

I did not see this one coming - major points for originality on the weather metaphor. This sounds like an early-aughts Offspring b-side, in theme if not really in sound. I appreciate what you tried to do here, though the execution unfortunately stumbles. The mix across the board is muddy and cluttered - the guitar sounds buzzy and clumsy, and the vocals are missing some clarity, with the end result sounding pretty rough. This genre allows for a certain degree of sloppiness, but usually that’s buoyed by a tight and balanced mix.



Dream Bells - Snowsong

If you showed me this song in like 2008 I would’ve lost my mind and immediately looked up your tour dates. I almost can’t believe how well put together this is for a one-week song. The washy percussion, perfectly panned synth bells in the intro, tasteful effects on the vocals… I can only imagine you’ve been doing this for a while and have this signature “sound” pretty locked in. I can’t really understand what you’re saying without reading the lyrics but that honestly doesn’t bother me much, it works well stylistically and I’m picking up just enough to feel that melancholic snowiness coming through. My only complaint is that the ending is a bit abrupt, though I have no doubt you’d be able to smooth that out with a bit more time. Can’t wait to hear what else you can do.

https://spintunescontest.blogspot.com/2 ... by-lj.html

[BoffoYux]

Here are your Round 1 rankings from Josh HelfinSiegel:

Josh1.JPG (44.33 KiB) Viewed 212 times

Josh's full reviews can be found on this Google spreadsheet.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/ ... sp=sharing

[Spintown]

Spintown & Company - Go To Sleep! [SHADOW]

What the heck, this is by far one of the best songs in the round, and if it were received on time, I would have probably put it in my top 3! Has that old school alternative/power pop vibe and is executed super well! Upon my first listen I was just kind of soaking in the earworminess of it and not even paying attention to the lyrics. And then a couple of the lines made me realize what you were talking about. “Wait…this is about…being pissed off that your Minecraft buddy won’t go to bed?! HA!!!” I can definitely relate to that, even though I never really play Minecraft on a server. I haven’t really played it in a couple years, but I’ve told my son to go to bed on a zillion different occasions. Or vice versa, “DAD, GO TO BED, MONSTERS!!!” “hold on, I’m building!” “Build in the morning!”.

Literally the only negative feedback I could possibly give to this song is that “puddle of mud” has awkward phrasing. .I don’t know what lyric I would have put there, but it just doesn’t fit, especially as the last line of the chorus. But seriously, other than that, this is probably the single most radio friendly song of the entire round. The evil laughter over the guitar solo was a great touch. This gets an A!

https://spintunescontest.blogspot.com/2 ... phlub.html

Thanks for the review. I wish I'd been home for this, but I was out of town/state for pretty much the entire round. I wrote the lyrics in 1 day, and normally would have sat with them a bit longer to smooth things out more, but I wanted to give Eric as much time as possible to do the music & vocals. I generally do the lyrics first, and then he takes over. So I agree with the mud line being a bit off, but there's a couple lines I'd probably have tweaked a bit if there wasn't a deadline. Now I'm not a good lyricist so I might have made it worse...who knows. ;p