Hi folks! Here are my peer reviews.
A note first: I was a judge for two prior SpinTunes contests, so, influenced by that experience, I try to provide each composer with some actionable items to improve their work. Please don't take these suggestions as a sign that I didn't like your piece — I was very impressed by all of my peers' songs, and I certainly know that my own contribution needs plenty of work! Just trying to be helpful, but if my thoughts aren't helpful, throw them away
—Valerie
aka Huge Shark
Falcon Artist - School Bus Driver
I enjoyed this simply told "day in the life." Favorite line: "And when the kids see me pull up to the stop/ They are as jolly as me." You capture the relationship between the driver and the kids well in a few brief phrases. Are the kids sad because they're not looking forward to school? Do they hate the long drive, or enjoy it?
Wendy Wiseman Fisher - Where the Pumpkins Lie
Great voice, and I enjoyed the vocal arrangements. Love the murder-ballad style and dark story. I think the song is a little long for the story — it begins to sound like a recital of a list (which of course, in some sense, it is, as you're capturing landmarks along the (long) drive). You could kick the levels of the instrumentation up on this a bit — obviously we want the voice to shine, but there's room to bring the music up and it's great, too.
chewmeupspitmeout - Deja Vu, Deja me
Love the concept of this. It's such a familiar sensation that the idea that it might actually be real is effectively creepy, and the bridge is awesome and hilarious. The turn in the final verse is perfect, very sweet and a nice wrap-up to the story. The mix could use a little work — the percussion and guitar are way far out in front, and the vocals are way in back, and the end result doesn't quite cohere. You could bring the vocals forward without losing the dense vocal treatment, I think.
Hot Pink Halo - Move Mountains
I really enjoyed the vocals on this. The fry on "lie here and lie here and lie here" etc is beautiful and the contrast with the stained-glass loveliness of the harmony vox is terrific. Good background story on this. I don't have a lot of critique here, but I'd have loved even more instrumental variation on the first part of the last verse/"as the sun sets" section.
Boo Lee Crosser - Exit Signs
The on/off of the vocal doubling is a good way to vary the texture, but it made me long to hear some harmony, too. Appealing J. Mascis-style voice. The story is an interesting one (though I couldn't figure out
exactly what happened, or why) and I was drawn in by the lyrics and style; I particularly liked the lyrics on verse 3. I would have liked some more variation in the melody on the verses — the stretch through the first two verses feels a little long. There's smidgens of pitchiness in places like "feel the silence" and "find the entry wound."
SEE/MAN/SKI - The Hermit
Relatable track! I like the ghostly double vocal, like a strange sort of echo — it provides interesting texture. The instrumentation is simple, but the build on the chorus works well. I'd like a little more out of the rather random-noodling solo. The bridge is a good turn musically and the FX on the vocals are a strong choice here, but you might think about giving it a slightly contrary (lyric) message — a bridge provides a good place to make the message of a song more complex, nuanced.
*bucket - Nickels to Roll
I love the way this song starts by blowing away all our SpinTunes "no time to write/record" excuses. It's got an inexorable drive and beat that pulls us into the "busy busy busy" middle section. Interesting percussion choices and good choice of vocal FX provides a unique sound. The monotony (literally, that is: I don't mean boredom!) of the melody serves the song well. The "busy busy busy" section is great, but there's room to make it even louder and more frenetic, creating a greater contrast with the verses.
This Big Old Endless Sky - It Only Felt Like a Minute
This track is (overly) relatable and captures the 24-hour challenge very efficiently. The little high deedly keyboard (?) motif is good, but could be a little louder. The misaligned doubled vox on "wake up" are a plus, because they capture the dazed quality of morning and alarm clocks rousing us from our reverie, but the lack of tightness on the final lines of the prior stanzas ("it only felt like a minute," "it doesn't feel like I'm in it," "if that's all there is") come across more sloppily; I recommend tightening those so that the "wake up" chaos can shine. One-minute song about feeling like a minute is quite clever and it works!
The Pannacotta Army - Leaving LA
Such a smooth sound, and I particularly love the (probably deliberately, given the nod to "San Jose") Bacharach-y trumpets that fly in during the solo. The vox are in line with the style and the whole thing sounds very slick and well produced. I'd like to get a bit more out of the lyrics/story, though. The "I'm not running away" bridge (great tune on that, btw) hints that the singer is, in fact, running away, despite their protestations; it would be good to get more hints about that in the subsequent verses. We get some regret for the journey (that it's boring; take a plane next timeˆ), but the bridge sets us up to have some regrets about leaving LA (or, at least, for the undisclosed reason for leaving) at all, and it's a little disappointing when they're not delivered.
gammammannn - Just Walk
I'm particularly digging the post-drop "chorus" ("Feelin' uneasy?") — good distinction in vocal effects between this section and the "verses" (Steve, Larry). I also like the jazzy sound of "ooh and I say my thoughts are lookin' gray," and the gated voops in the Larry section. Story/lyric-wise, there are at least three characters in this — Steve, Larry, Gloopy — and while I get Gloopy's role, it's not 100% clear to me how Steve and Larry relate to each other. I'd like it if the lyrics made this relationship a little more clear, because I feel like I'm missing an important angle of the story. I find the music quite catchy, especially the chorus. (BTW, I think I met Gloopy? Am I remembering correctly?)
Good Guy Sôjàbé - Justice Never Sleeps
Distinct and beautiful lead vocals on the verses and an interesting shift for the choruses. The use of the 24-hr theme with the idea "justice never sleeps" is successful. The light, forward percussion creeps the verses along in an effective way, but it would be good to have more instrumental and perhaps percussion pattern change in the second halves of the verses; not more/louder, because you want to keep your powder dry for the punch of the chorus, but something slightly different; as it is, the verses read long, because they're samey. There isn't a lot to the story here, but you present a powerful character; one way to mitigate this would be to introduce a bridge that gives some alternate aspects to the character, even some that seem contradictory.
Alleviators - Right by You
Sweet song, made quite precious by the child's vocals on chorus 3. As ever, I enjoy Alleviators' octave-apart vox, but be cautious about pitchiness ("she's able," "on the table," background oohs etc) as slightly-off notes are extra-noticeable. I'd love to hear some occasional branching-out into true harmony, maybe in the second halves of the verses? just for more variety; dropping down to lower notes, as you do now, helps, but I'd welcome more, as well as maybe slightly different/thicker instrumentation on these second-halves. The lyrics are lovely and heartfelt. Make the bridge bigger! Lovely final chorus with the adult vox joining the child vocal, that really got to me.
David Taro - Rosettina
I like the "day in your life/ Or your life in a day" concept for the challenge. Absolutely terrific piano, I'm getting early Elton John vibes. "No nuns for me" made me laugh, in a good way. The gradual build in instrumentation is very effective. The verse melody/chord progression feels a little too familiar ˆ though I'm not 100% sure I want you to change it, because it creates a nice nostalgic feeling which goes well with the song. Excellent small details throughout the lyrics — "the stripy facade/ Of the old cathedral of San Lorenzo," "Aged twenty-one she met a pharmacist's son" etc. (I don't love "She's as old as a woman can be," though.) Very well executed.
Jealous Brother - A Backpack and Two Sandwiches
I am so envious of these fantastic
real instruments (unlike my sad MIDI ones). What a great sound. The melody evokes classic folk/bluegrass while still sounding like its own song. Love the flourishes on "her leg"! The lyrics tell a great and novel story; they're mostly excellent, though there's some awkwardness on "professionally" and "TweeDY." The bridge is a good left turn musically, but it's almost too much of a left turn lyrically, because the song makes a slightly subtler shift at the second chorus ("Then we walked") and then WHAM on the bridge. Jon and Lou are either the names of some of the people you've already mentioned, or they're new (I assume they're new, but if they're not, we should be able to tell). The concept — that it's all quaint and friendly until you look a little deeper — is a good one, but because it's so abrupt and there's no connecting language, it almost sounds like two unrelated songs grafted together. I want the left turn to work, because I think it's a good contrast, but we have to believe that the person who got on the train is the same person who "ain't never going back to that shit hole" — and if you're not, why are you there? Or are you there? Maybe I'm confused, but in any event, I think you need some bridging language to get you from the Neil Young concert to the "shit hole." Still, this song sounds great and I love that the lyrics are so fresh.
Nathan Joe Long - Remember Monangah
Intro sequence of instruments is very fresh and effective. The guitar riffs throughout are appealing, though the organ/keyboard insertions seem a little abrupt. The lyrics are generally excellent -- the disaster story is told briskly, and then the following story of the effect on a wife and child is a good way of bringing the emotional impact home. But the song is too long for the story. Your best stanzas are the first three; "Meet me under a starlit sky"; "Please don't go"; "You have to stay." Consider cutting the "If the old hen lays" stanza, which doubles down on the previous sections but which isn't as poignant. I don't think you need to repeat the first two stanzas as a chorus, either -- I'd sing this straight through as a story. Both vocals are a little pitchy and a little dry. I'd at least consider a smidge of pitch correction and of reverb on both. The bones are here for a classic, though.
glennny - I Have Until Midnight
Lyrics tell a good story, and the details (Rick and Morty, YouTube rabbit hole, Pad Thai and a Cherry Coke etc) add a lot. The percussion is well suited and the guitars sound good. Either the effects or the recording equipment buries your voice in the mix; it would be worth clarifying it and bringing it a bit forward, so we can clearly hear the lyrics. The whole song sounds flat, level-wise; it would be nice to get a bit more shape by varying instrumentation and perhaps melody — melody isn't the song's strong point. Still, I love the story and use of the challenge.
Flintsteel - Tau Zero
Extremely competent guitar and vocal performance. The song has good energy. The story is good, but it's not tightly linked to the "day-long narrative" challenge (mind you, my song suffers in this respect too!). The lyrics are rather general; it might be interesting and more engaging to explore a single person's experience in this situation. The song doesn't have a lot of variation musically, texturally or density-wise; it could use more shape. One great part is the "cascading..." through "...bring to life," because of the shift in music and the arpeggiation in the background. I also really like the quiet-to-loud solo that starts around 3:30. That section held my interest more than the verses.
Bob Voyg - A day in the life of a Mall Santa
Really interesting instrumentation and vocal FX. It's also an interesting take on the challenge, and a very interesting perspective. I admire the fact that the song works on a variety of levels even without the title. Good change of instrumentation at "give me what i want." All in all, cleverly put together and well expressed. Not sure I love the "eye - high - highs" sound of the "judging eyes" line, but I can't find anything else I'd change here.
Governing Dynamics - Outtahere
Love the intro music, it does a great job of leading me into the song. Good story and lyrics. I like the internal conversation of the chrouses, but it would be interesting to have the two "voices" have slightly different FX (maybe double one of them but not the other?). There's a bit of pitchiness, particularly in the second verse. As with some of the other songs, the level feels kind of flat throughout, except for the drop after "fighting" (which is good). Might be nice to use harmony as a tool on the vocals to liven up the simply doubled vox. Love, love the line "Hate to say but I relate to a slowly dying light."
OutLyer - HEY ALEXA
What a great concept, and what a fantastic vocal quality/performance. I love the different vocal FX, which convey the different voices and moods so well. The chorus pulls the story along and the steps of verse 2 forward it; very cleverly put together. One thing to consider would be a bridge that allows you to provide Alexa's advice again — "her" voice is so effective at the beginning that it would be great to bring it in again.
Siebass - We Are the Sum of These
You had me from the choral "UP TO PEE"! I love the sound effects and the whitespace around the music. The details are great ("Please help your brother find his shoe," "Don't chew your brother's head"). It's an effective, amusing and relatable account of the day. The yell at the other driver is hilarious. I love this track, and my only possible objection is that the boring parts of the day are in fact the boring parts of the song, and I'm not sure this is a flaw, since you're making a point here. Nicely done.
Huey Long's Big Strong Thick Pink Magnum Opus - Asphalt
There's an interesting effect at the start of this. Not sure what the instrument is that is making the shimmering/cymbal noise (maybe a cymbal, but probably not), but laid against the guitar riff, it makes the riff sound modal or as if it's shifting from major to minor. Good stuff. I don't love the initial vocal style — it feels too hard put on. The growliness is better at spoken "the footage from the ATM" section than during the 'verses'. (The vocal at "You found yourself paralyzed" is excellent.) I like the vocal contrasts, I just feel like that one growl is a bit much and starts to sound like a failed attempt at Tom Waits rather than being as effective as it could be. Love the strings on "And the ambulance." The story itself is engrossing and well crafted for the most part (I'm not in love with "from the gash that knife cut in your soul," mostly because of the way it scans). Despite these quibbles, I really enjoyed the track.
Möbius Strip Club - Angela
Lovely vocals. The chord changes at "then we'll hit the road" are surprising and pleasing. The song moves lyrically from mild concern to serious worry/disaster, and it does this well. I would be interested to hear a gradual increase or textural/density change in instrumentation as the verses move along as well; I think it could enhance the building tension. The vocal additions in the third chorus do this well, I just would like to hear more. (Similarly, I'd like an even bigger drop with the final verse — maybe drop the percussion entirely for the verse?) Good use of the arc of a day to tell the story with its increasing desperation.
Boffo Yux Dudes - Say Hey!
Great retro-'60s sound to this — the harmonies, vocal timbre, and style all contribute to this and it works. The melody somehow sounds both nostalgic and fresh. The jokes/puns work (I laughed out loud at the Teri Garr "roll in the hay"), but all in all I'd like a little bit more out of the song. The bulk of the lyrics are over at the two-minute mark; you could fit more story in (or more jokes in, if you like). That said, there's a lovely sound to this one, it's very listenable. Consider ending definitively rather than on a fadeout: one last "Hey!"
Dog Star Pilot - Only Thing
Colorful details (especially at first) and a strong melody hold this together. The nearly-a-capella rendition is very well executed by a good voice. Am I hearing leg slaps? Not sure what the light percussion is. It feels a little, uh, slapped on. It's a great demonstration of vocal talents, but I'd welcome some instrumentation; I think this song could hold up to it very well, and I'm interested in what chords you'd choose. The details in the first verse are great, but there are some less powerful lines later on (e.g. "take al ittle break and then keep moving after that"). I like that final "No matter what we leave behind" bit but I'd like even more hints as to what the story behind the song is. You could do a bigger turn here and provide those hints — no need to be fully explicit, but it would engage us more with the song. (What are those "choices" that the protagonist is questioning?)
Fluke Wilson - Tommy Bahama Backfire
Good story — starts dark but quickly amuses as well. I like lines like "my mouth hasn't been this dry/since the last time my mouth was dry." "Am I wearing the wrong shirt?" Even with just one instrument and one vocal line, I'm pleased that you successfully build/grow the sound. The vocals are pleasant in timbre but are pretty pitchy (especially in the last verse, but throughout); if you have any access to pitch correction tools, they would help, but I suspect this is recorded fairly raw. I'd like the final verse to tie more clearly into the story — I'm waiting to hear more about his clothing, but what's all this about "you're gonna talk"? There are a few places where the lyrics could scan better (though there's some great places where it does!). Huge potential here for a great song, just a little unpolished at present.
Sober - Long Way Round
Excellent vocals and instruments, and the contrast between spoken and sung vocals is effective. Great first stanza that sets up the whole song/story. I enjoyed the details about the journey - especially Leipzig, and the military-to-commercial changeover. I think the "getting there" part of the story just confuses the narrative a bit; I'd rather have more specifics about the going-home trip. I'd also love for it to be a single person/day's story (as it starts) rather than more general, 'this is the experience you might have' (e.g. "when you're coming home...") All that said, I enjoyed certain details in that section (e.g. the Baltica number 9). Staying in first person would help this. Enjoyable song about a day that should be happy but instead is sort of stressful and weird.
miscellaneous owl - Don't Look Back
Lovely light vocals and pleasant simple accompaniment which suits the content. Lyrics are colorful, and I like the quiet mythological allusions (the ferryman, the "three dogs huddling close" etc). I feel like the song really starts at "On a cool September morning" and I wonder if you could omit the first stanza; "Leave behind the living/ So I can see you again" makes the story pretty clear. The vocals get slightly pitchy on "And I thought that if I wrote a song/ That captured what I feel" — could be adjusted. I'm not sure how I feel about the style of the "don't look back" section, but it's unexpected and quirky, which isn't entirely a bad thing.
Joy Sitler - Cigarettes and Microgreens
I really like the angle on this song — it's very fresh and yet represents very familiar emotions. There's good build to the solo and then a good drop on the final verse. Love the percussion jump in on "repeating/beating". The build is in the lyrics, too, and "of my own voice even as I drown" is a great line. Absolutely nit-picking, I don't like the scan on "at the plate in front of me" (but "only micro greens and a diet something" is great), and I don't love the grossness of "of my blackened lungs as I cough them out" that early in the song — save the visceral reaction for "my arms were bleeding/ if I wouldn't have cut them out I'd be better now but the scars aren't healing," which is a tremendous line to build up to. But all in all, it's relatable and effective.
Vehicles of Beware - Terminal
The piano is lovely (though bits of the melody coupled with that piano makes the song evoke Billy Joel's "Piano Man"), as are the harmonies that come in on the bridge (which incidentally is great). The percussion is well executed and arranged, and could be louder. The song has a lot of musical shape, making it very listenable despite the tragic story/set of anecdotes. The song's a bit over-the-top tragic but I'm here for it anyway because it sounds so good.
