Elysium, Nirvana, Paradise, Utopia (Days of Peace reviews)

[Pigfarmer Jr]

O day of peace that dimly shines
Through all our hopes and prayers and dreams
Guide us to justice, truth and love
Delivered from our selfish schemes

Lyrics go here: viewtopic.php?t=13010

[Lunkhead]

Songs posted!

[boblazo]

ExperimentalFediverseGuy: A- for originality and willingness to be naked.
The Lonely Socks Club: Good melody and playfulness
Glenny: Good melody and nice recording of acoustic guitar
Lichen Throat: Interesting choices on guitar and love the bass synth
The Panacotta Army: Nice recording of guitars. Good melody and chord changes
Grid (me): Vocal could be a bit more intelligable. I like when the last verse kicks in

[Lunkhead]

A late song from Berkeley Social Scene has been added to the fight.

[j$]

Can I just (unhelpfully, probably!) say that the artwork for this fight is very fine? Nice work!

j$

[LikeTheLetters]

First-timer commenter here, just joined the forums. Thanks to the admins for keeping this remarkable contest running for so many years!

Berkeley Social Scene:
Praise: Feels natural for a bygone era, giving The Smiths or possibly Violent Femmes. The arrangement is solid for that genre, with a consistent point of focus throughout.
Suggestions: The vocal line doesn’t feel like a melody to me, as it lacks the colorful chord tones that would draw my ear toward the most important lyrics, especially in the chorus. I recommend experimenting with different chord tones, or writing melody-first and fitting the chords to that rather than trying to shoehorn a melody into a difficult progression.

ExperimentalFediverseGuy:
Praise: Distinctive in its minimalism. Props for doing something out of the ordinary!
Suggestions: Lean into the experimentalism by multi-tracking your vocal to make it a round/canon, or even a fugue. Even just some vocal harmonies in considered spots would add a lot of dynamic interest.

Glennny:
Praise: Good moment-to-moment focus, lovely drum fills and the lead electric guitar tone cuts through the mix well on the solo.
Suggestions: Focus on the cohesion of instrument rhythms; rhythmic sloppiness starts to stack up across the arrangement. It’s not just when notes start, but when they stop, that creates groove!

Grid:
Praise: Gorgeous arrangement, strong groove, beautifully recorded and mixed. Vocals feel intimate, piano is full, everything else is tasteful as heck.
Suggestions: I’m not sold on the straight-8ths piano arpeggio that replaces the block chords around 0:45, as it fights with the swing of rest of the arrangement, creating a static tension that doesn’t feel intentional.

Lichen Throat:
Praise: Very Postal Service-y! Nice synth textures, and an interesting vocal quality.
Suggestions: The (909?) drums are a bit stale, come in at an odd point in the bar, and might be doing too much; you can get away with something more minimalistic. The vocal rhythm, meanwhile, feels disconnected from the instrumental, like neither is informed by the other. You might be onto something here production-wise if you can be more deliberate about your rhythmic and melodic fundamentals!

The Lonely Socks Club:
Praise: The meta lyrics are hilarious, and “I mean like what the fuck” cracks me up and is killer in context. Arrangement is solid pop-rock, with strong dynamic changes maintaining continual interest.
Suggestions: Biggest issue is the mix. Better mixers than me can say more, but the vocals feel far away and perhaps a little brittle. There’s something "missing"; maybe due to comb-filtering, phasing, or just high-passing too aggressively? A fuller sound overall (esp. in the mids & low mids, I think?) would give this tune the focused presence it deserves.

The Pannacotta Army:
Praise: Kinda Shins-y, I think? The groove is excellent, it’s got a great pocket! I love what the bass is doing just below the surface, playful yet tasteful, and well-mixed.
Suggestion: Melodically, I’m not feeling the journey, and I think it’s because the vocal melody is so similar to the bass line, drilling on that Em-pentatonic, reinforcing stasis. Rhythmically, vocal and bass are excellently aligned, but a more dynamic, distinctive set of pitches in the melody would give a stronger impression that something important and emotional is being conveyed.

My votes go to Grid, The Lonely Socks Club, and The Pannacotta Army.

Congrats to all, and everybody keep it up!

- Like the Letters

[lichenthroat]

Berkeley Social Scene—Nice intro. Pretty solid overall. I like the chorus; it gives sense of the yearning that’s expressed in the lyrics. I’d like more of a sense of urgency somewhere in the music; the chorus amps it up a little, but more would be better.

ExperimentalFediverseGuy—I applaud your daring. Your singing is pretty good, but I don’t think there’s enough going on in the song to make it something I’d want to listen to much. You’ve also got some background static, the noticeability of which is increased by the lack of instruments.

Glenny—I like the vocal starting before the instruments. This is solid, with no cause for serious complaint. Maybe would benefit from being a little faster. I like how the instruments build as the song goes along.

Grid—This is not a style I’ve ever developed an appreciation of, but that’s my fault, not yours. Your performances seem competent and consistent with the aesthetic you seem to have in mind.

Lichen Throat (me)—It’s been a long time since I’ve done this. I felt very out of practice on everything, except, strangely, singing (maybe because I was ever any good at that). I was pretty dissatisfied with this when I finished, but it’s grown on me a little since then. It was fun to get back at it. I can do better. (@Like the Letters: Yeah, that’s a 909. Many other reviews have included similar remarks in the past about my weird vocal timing; I think other people have an intuitive sense of something that I simply don’t understand. So you’re probably right, but I’m not sure I can fix it.)

The Lonely Socks Club—My clear favorite of the bunch, which was apparent after about 4 seconds. This is what the world would be like if pop music was actually good. I think this delivers on everything you set out to do. I don’t think you need to process your voice quite as much, but maybe that’s just an aesthetic choice to match the synth challenge this week. I don’t think you need the nugget at the end, either. This song will become a part of my permanent collection. Great work overall.

The Pannacotta Army—This has your usual impeccable production. I was worried at first that it might be boring, but it’s not. I think you made a good choice in making the song sound slow but not actually be all that slow. Nice interplay of the guitar and vocal.

[the panna cotta army]

Can I just (unhelpfully, probably!) say that the artwork for this fight is very fine? Nice work!

That’s probably because I plagiarised it from the original Woodstock festival poster which most conveniently already had “Days of Peace” written on it.

[TLSC]

Berkeley Social Scene —
You guys are consistently cohesive and everything is always so tight. That said, I think I was disappointed because I have heard so many of your other entries which are generally really so good. Truthfully, this one fell a little bit flat for me in terms of the melody only. The music was great and yet the melody was not very interesting or memorable. I wanted more from it and yet there are so many good BSS songs I can go back to in order to get that level of pleasure. Not your best but still good overall cause hey your BSS! Grade: B+

ExperimentalFediverseGuy —
I admire your vulnerability to submit and strip down. Very original and unconventional. It also sounded like you felt the words deeply and enjoyed making the track. That is probably the most important thing here afterall. Your voice carries the track and I would still be interested to hear what else could go along with it. For me this is like straight peanut butter from the jar - smooth and creamy - good on its own and OMG could go well with so many other things like bananas and chocolate etc. Grade: C

Glennny —
I personally loved how everything starts in this song especially when the bass line arrives and because the bass line was the best supporting actor in this arrangement. Cheers!
I also felt this overwhelming Tom Petty influence underneath which is always a win for me since he is one of my favorite songwriters, RIP bro, you the mother fucking bomb. My favorite lyric is “Just a ghost who’s waiting for release”. That one hit so nicely. Overall I really liked the song and think you did something quality here. Grade: B+

Grid —
Big fan of the lyrics and the simplicity of the song. It’s on point instrumentally and perfectly played out. The keys are doing a lot of work in certain parts of the song and that felt rich in many moments. The only thing I struggled with here was that I felt like I sat on the tarmac the whole time and never really took off. At the start I thought we might be gearing up for a great adventure and then heard the captain announce that we haven’t been cleared for take off. The ending just left me wondering if it could have been a smooth flight to somewhere more exciting. I do however like what you built and your vocal tone was really well matched for the vibe of the song. Also, I loved “the drums are coming”. Grade: B-

Lichen Throat — The first 20 second of this song are pretty magical. I was thinking “oh yes, let’s do this” I am a firm believer that you have to work with what you are given vocally and I think you do that really well. Your melody and timing is interesting and that gives the track its own unique flavor. I guess I’m curious if you write the melody/lyrics while you write the guitar piece or if you lay down your track first and then record lyrics. I am guessing this one was at the same time? Either way, I liked the arrangement and the song overall. Nice work! Grade: A-

The Lonely Socks Club (me) — True story. I was really stuck with the title switch and wanted to tap out and then eventually, I just started laying down a track, bitching into the mic and laughing at how dumb this all was. It finally came together after seeing The Strokes perform “Life is Simple in the Moonlight” and I thought hmmmm this is the opposite but equal to “Days of Peace” and then I just started singing different Strokes song titles after that to complete the song. I also went back and re-recorded several lines to have several Strokes song titles arrive before the mention and foreshadow what was ahead. There are 7 additional song titles buried into the lyrics if anyone wants to play Name all The Strokes song titles mentioned in TLSC’s DOP entry. @LinchenTroat - the outro nugget is a signature TLSC move in SongFight and I hear you otherwise. @LikeTheLetters - I’m glad it made you laugh - it was so organic when it happened and left with that intention. The mix could be better and can always improve there! Overall I was happy with what I produced all things considered! Grade: A-

The Pannacotta Army —
I agree with other reviews that your production is top-tier I love the way the vocal melody changes from the first verse to chorus. I can learn from that shift and want to play with that vocally. II also know that was the place where my brain said yes cause my heart was there from the start in this track. I think this song has a little magic to it. The lyrics are really good as well and match the music very nicely. They compliment one another and speak the same language. I especially love the lyric “what’s the point to running faster to beat someone else?” Very well done! Grade: Solid A

[lichenthroat]

Lichen Throat — The first 20 second of this song are pretty magical. I was thinking “oh yes, let’s do this” I am a firm believer that you have to work with what you are given vocally and I think you do that really well. Your melody and timing is interesting and that gives the track its own unique flavor. I guess I’m curious if you write the melody/lyrics while you write the guitar piece or if you lay down your track first and then record lyrics. I am guessing this one was at the same time? Either way, I liked the arrangement and the song overall. Nice work! Grade: A-

Thanks for the kind words. On this track, I composed the music first, then developed a vocal melody to try to fit the instrumental mix. That's what I've done on 95% of my songs. On the next one (Big Shark), however, I tried to begin with the vocal melody first.

[glennny]

TLSC said:

Glennny —
I personally loved how everything starts in this song especially when the bass line arrives and because the bass line was the best supporting actor in this arrangement. Cheers!
I also felt this overwhelming Tom Petty influence underneath which is always a win for me since he is one of my favorite songwriters, RIP bro, you the mother fucking bomb. My favorite lyric is “Just a ghost who’s waiting for release”. That one hit so nicely. Overall I really liked the song and think you did something quality here. Grade: B+

Thank you for the review! though i am a member of BSS and i often write the lyrics and sing, this time it was Geech. The lyric you mention here is a very good one, though I didn't write it. Geech wrote it and it appears in the BSS song. (I will assume the rest of the review belongs to my solo glennny entry)

[TLSC]

yes, omg I wrote it on the side of my of my notebook when i was listening to them and then typed up the reviews after and I wrote that in the wrong review!!

[Lunkhead]

The results are in and the fight has been won by ... Glennny!

[TLSC]

Yay! Glennny - well earned win!