Don't Pet Sweaty Things (...In Bed Reviews)

[Rik]

Err, I mean Don't sweat petty things...


...In bed

[Sober]

yep.

[WeaselSlayer]

In honor of Madi's help on my song, I'm offering family-safe reviews this week. So, say goodbye to my old friend Mr. F-bomb for a while and feel free to share these with co-workers as well as kids.

Steve Durand - For some reason I thought of Yo La Tengo when this started. But like silly Yo La Tengo. But like sillyness masking sadness. I like this a lot, it's got this dreamy pop thing mixed with N'awlins funeral procession. I hope you're not really sad, sir, but if you are you're putting to incredible use. Your voice has a lovely little quiver in it. I will be listening to this song again, and I rarely do that.

Gert - I couldn't even do this if I tried. Not that I would try, but you get what I'm saying. Anyway, I'm not so into the lyrics but the vocal delivery is (duh) awesome. The, like, "we can rock the bedsprings" part is kind of dumb though. But anyway, good production good song all across the board blah blah blah you'll probably win.

Rik Gerblick - Ominnnnous. This seems kind of goofy to me, like Type O Negative was always goofy to me. But I don't think you were going for that. Anyway, this is goes in a cool sort of direction at the chorus that I wasn't expecting, but ultimately I'm not so so engaged by this song. Nice duelling guitar parts though, that's pretty cool. Your voice sounds sort of fake except during the chorus. That's when I really feel like you're committed to what you're singing. I like that.

Luke Henley featuring Madi - I really love what Madi added to this. It made the song, which otherwise would have just been me being sad over a girl. Madi gave this song some sweetness to mix with the bitter, and I appreciate it a lot.

Michael Gum - Whoah whoah, some really good pop music this week. Nice guitar playing and doubled vocals. The lyrics seem pretty standard, but they work really well with the song. This is just a really great song that smacks of bitterness but sunshine as well.

Tim Hinkle - This meanders quite a bit, which doesn't always bug me but does in this particular instance. I'm not that into the concept, because it seems like it was the obvious concept that everybody else tried to avoid. I'm sorry I can't rave about this like I have some of these others. It's also like 5 years long.

Wally Harbinger - Holy Calypso keyboard demo! Another fortune cookie concept which I'm kind of not into. But I mean, this is full of sex? Congrats? I guess that's what you were going for, so I mean job well done. Well-recorded, creepy lyrics, goofy voice. I don't really think much of it.

Dark Liberty - Is that Andy Milonakis on vocals? I kind of like that the music is like "ragh" and the vocals are like... well honestly I'm not joking they sound like Andy Milonakis. Did you know he's 29? That weirded me out something terrible.

The Sober Irishman - Missed you.

Dollar Bill and the Inkpoints - You do dissonant very well. This is a very dark wave which travels gently through my body. There is a lot of weird, scary passion that went into this and it shows very clearly. My only gripe is that it kind of just drones and relies on its creepiness. I wish it went into some really ridiculous thing like a quiet part with... oh my god there it is. This is really great. Nice pennywhistle or whatever!? This is actually done just the way it should have been done. Which is very awesomely. Lubb it.

[Rik]

Did you know he's 29?

He's still gay. Oh yeah, and water's gay. So gay.

Hey in honor of your G-Rated reviews this week, may I throw in a raunchy post littered with colorful expletives?

[Jim of Seattle]

While I appreciate the G-rated sentiment, not to worry. I don't let Madi any closer than 3 1/2 miles from the boards.

Madi and I had fun doing Luke's song, which she said was very pretty and sweet, but when she heard it this evening with her part in it, she didn't think she sounded good at all, and now is all embarrassed and gloomy about it. Already the moody temperamental perfectionist. I'm so proud.

Now she wishes everyone could hear her play Vivaldi's a minor concerto so they won't think she's a terrible violinist.

[HeuristicsInc]

well, it could be arranged... record it!
luke and madi... intriguing.
by the way, thanks for the awesome review.
-bill

[Rik]

Alright, I took the easy way out and used the fortune cookie cliche. I did quite a bit of unintentional research while looking for some fortunes to use in the song. Did you know that the fortune cookie was invented in the United States, and was only introduced to China in the mid 1990's. I'm turning into Cliff Claven over here, should have just gone to the local Hong Kong Buffet. The fortunes used in the song are an amalgamation of several fortunes found at a couple different 'fortune cookie' web sites. The only real one was the 'evil heart...' one which I got from badcookie.com

And without further ado, reviews In Bed

Dark Liberty - Wow, this is actually pretty good. The music actually jams pretty hard, and I can't believe I'm saying this but the vocals are tolerable. The lyrics do nothing for me, but I actually listened to them this time. I am impressed DL, keep it up. Now get on the boards and post a review for crying out loud.

Dollar Bill & the Inkpoints - On the first listen I didn't care for this too much, until I got to the quiet part at about 2:00. I really like the contrast and the way you add things back in. Second listen I'm getting into it more, still don't care for the verse too much. Again 2:00 into it is awesome. Could be the speakers I'm listening on, but I couldn't make out many of the lyrics but that's cool, I know j$ posted them already.

Gert - The triumphant return of Gert the Mighty. This sounds like it was Deshead's baby. That's cool as some of us have been missing his solo work. I nearly crapped my pants in the first chorus at :31, the combo of the chord prog and the beat slowing, I don't know how to describe it, just killer. Don't get me started on the solo. Incredible. I love the lyrics but I have one question, which one of you guys knows my ex? She was a major pain in the ass and dumb as a box of rocks, but great in bed (I still miss that). I can't guarantee my vote yet, but yeah, you guys rock the bedsprings..

Luke Henley - The first thing that jumps out at me here is the vocal harmonies. I am liking what's going on here just wish the harmonies were a bit tighter. I really like the violin work here, nice touch. The recent rash of violin parts in songs leaves me wanting to get one. Then learn how to play it. The guitar sounds a bit muddy to me. Overall a nice song, but it didn't seem to go anywhere.

Michael Gum - I love the guitar work here, good bright sound and tasty little licks in there. I like your voice as well, though the effect on the vocals didn't do it for me. Funny, by the end I didn't even notice the effects. Second listen now, damn this is good. Love the breaks in the guitar during the chorus (hook?) they add a nice percussive feel to that part. Great bridge. If it weren't for Gert's entry I'd think this would win the overall vote.

Rik Gerblick - Hey, that's me. Alright, after just listening to Michael's song, I find that mine is pretty damn muddy. I was doing a little experimenting with this bit: keyboard parts, vocals in a lower register. So, yes, I meant to sound like that. Actually, as I was working out the vocal melody I started riffing out some Morrissey sounding shit during the chorus, it cracked me up so I kept that style. Yes, I know the fortune cookie bit is pretty lame, old joke but it was the first thing to come to mind.

The Sober Irishman - Jazzy, bluesy, swingy, not sure how to categorize this. Oh wait, it's lounge, solid. I like your voice, it's edgy. Okay, I don't dig the scat action, but I guess it fits the song, or does it? I find this kind of bland overall.

Steve Durand - Yeah, love the horns as usual. You've got some cool vocal harmonies going on during the bridge part at :40. I would have liked to hear more of that, the melody is nice but the harmonies drew my attention away from the timidness of your voice. The light percussion works well throughout without being distracting. This is a nice song, but it's not really grabbing me.

Tim Hinkle - Alright damnit, where did you get all the sweet fortunes? You must eat a shit-load of Chinese food. I didn't get what was going on at first, it took me about a half minute to get the joke. I used the same premise and didn't find it very funny at first. I'm in a weird mood tonight, I think it was about 3 minutes in when I started laughing hysterically. I don't know if it was the way you were singing 'In Bed' or the fact that it just wouldn't end. I don't see myself listening again, but thanks for the laugh.

Wally Harbinger - Dig that funky Latin Salsa action. Your voice, while not bad, totally does not fit with the music at all. Really lacking the energy of the music. I was kind of disappointed by this after your killer entry for 'I Hate You' . Sorry, just not getting into this at all.

Only two songs really jump out at me this week. Gert and Michael Gum. I am really leaning towards Gert, for the lryics if for nothing else. Both are really solid songs that I'm sure will be stuck in my head for some time to come. Glad I've got some time to listen more.

[neutronflow]

Michael Gum
"When you dance with me we dance forever/All night long to your favourite/Hit music on the radio"
I shall vote for this.

Luke Henley
This is really pretty. I can't make out all the words.

Steven Durand
"They'll need a crane, they'll need a crane/To pick the broken ruins up again/To mend her heart, to help him start/to see a world apart from pain"
This is wonderful; it makes me sad.

Dark Liberty
No one else has so clearly portrayed a love of BED. Though I suspect a lower caffeine intake would allow you to get more sleeping done there. I liked this more the second time through.

Dollar Bill and the Inkpoints
I used Thunderbird to send in my entry! Didn't know it spent so much time asleep. This is good but somewhat forgettable.

Wally Harbinger
Am I supposed to envision people writhing about it sweet and sour sauce when I hear that, or do I just do that on my own? I think you could get this played over the intercom at a local Chinese restaurant. (Warn people first.)

Gert
This is the 90s version of Rik Gerblick's song. It would be a good song to have come on the radio while I'm driving. It's got enormous energy; the bed may break.

Tim Hinkle
Me. I didn't get to bed at all what with recording this damn thing.

The Sober Irishman
I very much like the organ. The whole thing is mostly mellow with a slight hint of desperation.

Rik Gerblick
I like the creepy sounds at the beginning; they you sing "In a laba do loo" or something and I start to hate it a lot. This is the 80s version of Gert's song.

[chuckstas]

My singer was on vacation this week . I hope to review songs, but it's not looking good. Michael Gum, that's some weird guitar tone, how did you get it to sound so metallic? I can't decide whether I love it or hate it. It's a good song though. Gerblick, I like when you use that 80's hair metal guitar tone, it's the best. Gert is stellar as usual. The percussion is sweet during the verses, sounds like a horse or something. For those who lament my lack of percussion, this week may be the week! I now have a Djembe at my disposal and am currently trying to learn to play decent groove on it.

[Sober]

...lounge...

Ouch.

[Wally Harbinger]

Am I supposed to envision people writhing about it sweet and sour sauce when I hear that, or do I just do that on my own?

i think that's all you, nf.

y'all are reading some weird shit into this one.

[nyjm]

I’m gonna take a leaf from 8LO this week; it’s great shorthand.

Overall, a really, really good fight this week. This either makes me afraid of the thrashing I will recieve in "Funeral Director" or hopeful that all the really big talent went to this title... :-)

Dark Liberty
/// i suppose the comparison with the Hell Yeah’s inevitable, though this sounds more like the Dead Milkmen, actually///
+++ crisp drums +++
+++ good guitar riff +++
--- the vox could use some more immediacy, more punch ---

Dollar Bill & the Inkpoints
+++ incongruous accordion +++
+++ grinding sounds and the industrial stylings +++
++ vocal melody ++

Gert
+++ vox tonality +++
++ “rock the bedsprings” ++
+++ this really rocks out! the outro solo is a nearly perfect +++

Luke Henley feat. Madi
++ Simon and Garfunkel vocal harmonies ++
++ violin! superb ++
/// could maybe use a violin or whistling solo/outro ///

Michael Gum
++ guitar-work ++
+++ vocal harmonies +++
++ catchy vocal melody ++
--- kind of barebones ---

Rik Gerblik
--- muddy vox ---
--- competent, even quite good but this doesn’t reach out and grab me ---

The Sober Irishman
/// Sober in a cocktail lounge ///
+++ organ solo +++
/// the vox take a while to heat up, but once they do, they swing really well ///

Steven Durand
--- syrupy vox, lyrics ---
/// as always, nice horns, but it’s becoming less signature than gimmicky ///

Tim Hinkle
--- over-processed vox ---
++ lyrical approach; hehe ++
--- doesn’t go anywhere ---

Wally Harbinger
+++ great vamp +++
/// fun and competent, but could be darker ///

[Jim of Seattle]

Reviews recorded on my cell phone during my commute.

Dollar Bill
Tim Hinkle
Luke Henley
Sober Irishman
Dark Liberty
Wally Harbinger
Steve Durand
Gert
Michael Gum (got my vote)
Rik Gerblick

[thehipcola]

Jim...that's pretty frickin' cool man.

[Jim of Seattle]

Thanks! Microsoft technology in action. It's also the only way I'd ever have time enough to do reviews.

[Bjam]

Oh Jim, you kooky kooky guy.

"And I can't find my car keys? Where are they? *scuffle* Oh. There they are." Everyone's reviews should have little offshoots of what they're doing/watching other than reviewing SF songs.

[Wally Harbinger]

Dark Liberty
Convincingly disaffected punko nuevo. Would be right at home on the soundtrack of "It's the Repo Man, Charlie Brown!" Needs bass, preferably through a driver that someone's taken a chef's knife to.

Dollar Bill & the Inkpoints
Nice combination of sounds. I'm hearing a lot of disparate influences here; even kind of a surf thing once in a while. Your giant eyeball is showing. I might have created a filtered-down version of that synth bass to use under the vocals, rather than having the full bandwidth version throughout.

Gert
Rockasaurus. Guitariffic. Needs more keyboards. The attack transients of those 16ths/triplets in the first two verses are pretty busy, between hi-hat and... I can't tell... is that pick noise? It's a good rhythmic idea but it might be better to leave it to just one instrument. I'd also like to hear a little more definition out of the crunch guitar in the instrumental section in the middle.

Luke Henley
Nice Songs From the Mountain feel. Noise floor is really high. You need to find a quieter place to record, a gate on all the live mics and a pop filter on the vocals. Jim, tell Madi her playing was very idiomatic, which is exactly what the tune wanted. Excellent song.

Michael Gum
Catchy tune, nice changes in the bridge section. Some of the flourishes are a little much, the ritard at "stuck here grounded" and the ending in particular. But otherwise solid composition and performance. Women tapped their feet, their heads bobbing almost imperceptibly in time.

Rik Gerblick
Nice warm texture and a good blend of sounds. You need to get the vocals out front a little more somehow. I'm not sure the major chorus works. Feels like it almost gets too happy, considering the content. I like how you reintroduce the electronics in the second verse -- but maybe there's a way to weave them in a little more throughout so they sound more integrated with the rest of the tune.

Sober Irishman
May I just say that's a lovely keyboard you have.

Steven Durand
I liked this more than I thought I would. The trumpet tone is really nice, and so is the horn arrangement. I wanted it to thicken up toward the end, with maybe a bass voice, or if you had a trombone that would be SWEET. What a nice surprise that would be. BLAAT BLAAT BLAAAAAAT.

Tim Hinkle
Godley & Creme meet the Hitchhiker's Guide original radio series. I like your voice on the "In Bed" bits. I think this literal idea could work, but the underscore needs to have more of a conversation with the text. Check out "Sensual Woman" by The Herbaliser.

Wally Harbinger
Funny how that voice doesn't get any better no matter how much reverb you add. More compression on the Wurlitzer please, a couple notes still sound like a live instrument. And maybe lay off the full stops in the next tune, you've pretty much run that one into the ground.

Ah crap. The reviews are harder to write than the damn tunes.

[Sober]

Sober Irishman
May I just say that's a lovely keyboard you have.

Yessssssssss.

[The Brittish]

ReviewX0rz

Dark Liberty: Let the 12-year-old boy out of the basement, even if it does mean that we have to forfeit our happiness. He's sung enough for one day. The guitar gets pretty old pretty quick, and the vocals aren't nearly punk enough to merit the just-a-couple-of-power-chords thing you have going. On the plus side, I have a soft spot for "we actually play instruments" submissions, so there's that.

Dollar Bill and the Inkpoints: Creepy. Electronically creepy. That kooky high-pitched thing is simultaneaously annoying and cool, so kudos on that, and shame on you. It's off-beat, which is a plus. But it's not really interesting enough. There's weirdness, but it's the same weirdness throughout, for the most part. Keep at it, and you could be making some bona fide weirdness. It's got a low-fi groove to it, so yays for that.

Gert: You guys aren't fair. Production value is pretty darn good. No fair having money. What do you think this is, anyway? Seriously, a thoroughly rockin' track. I'd advise you to be a little choosier with your girls, though, even if you do like them in bed. You've got actual instruments, which I've already established that I like. Rock Out.

Luke Henley et al: A welcome change of pace from the above entries. Soft and still groovy. Nothing fancy here, but that's how it should be. Your friend from within?...
...
Is that a euphemism?

All in all, not bad. Nothing overly special, but a pretty decent song.

Michael Gum: My guitar has strings that can be played independently of one another! I'm not mocking you, it was just the first thing that came to mind. Catchy. My guitar can also be played muted to create the much-coveted chicka-chicka sound. Spending the day in bed is cool, so you've got that going for you. This is reasonably happy-go-lucky.

Rik Gerblick: Speak up. Yay for using the word append. This is different. The vocals are kinda neato but really hard to understand. I can't really make out enough to comment.

The Sober Irishman: A solid lounge groove. The lyrics are pretty sub-par but probably appropriate for lounge music. The instrumental bit isn't nearly interesting enough to last as long as it does. Maybe there's just something wrong with my computer and it's karaoke-ing your song.... I don't know. Altogether, meh.

Steven Durand: Quite light and fluffy. Yay for harmonizing, I guess. I think the song might need some tent stakes to keep it firmly planted.

Tim Hinkle: It's the voice that WreckDoM, quite likely among others, has already recently used?! This is kinda like the token Donnie Darko reference in the "Cellar Door" fight. It's the obvious choice, so it doesn't have to be chosen. Oh, well. I guess you kinda fell on the grenade for the rest of us. I'm not saying that I don't giggle every time I see a fortune for this reason, but... meh.

Wally Harbinger: Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay! Oh, not anymore. But, but the hooker fight was last week.... Ah, and the not-really-as-obligatory-as-one-might-think fortune cookie reference.

[Wally Harbinger]

Odd that a well-written, constructive post like that would be such a thread-killer.

[Rik]

Odd that a well-written, constructive post like that would be such a thread-killer.

It's not the post, It's Rox and Sox. Everyone's in Boston, having too much fun to bother with us silly homebodys.

[Wally Harbinger]

foiled by the old clam-jam.

HAVE THEY NO WIRELESS ACCESS? ARE THERE NO INTERNET CAFES?