The Song Fight Bulletin Board

Dead Nose by Johnny Cashpoint

Down Below the bible belt, a frontier town to rival Hell
The wildest place the Wild West's story tells
Town was oozing at the seams with awful stench of broken dreams
And silver mine that pumped mephetic smell

And they called it Dead Nose, the stench of death in your clothes
Open sewers ran into the street
Matters olfactory were far from satisfactory
Folks lost sense of smell within a week

In that town of crooks and thieves, of prostitutes and lawless freaks
There lived a sniff of nature they called Bill
Townsfolk called him names they were afraid, he lived in pain
The very sight of him approaching made them ill

See, he was not perfect: he was born with defect,
The biggest hooter that you ever saw -
If Willy was to lie down, it would obscure the high sun
And if he had a cold , you'd better run!

One Spring day the mine it burst a seam, and noxious gas escaped in streams
A poisoned cloud came floating forth
Just before it hit the town, our big nosed Bill came running down
And gulped it up in one enormous snort

Townsfolk carried Bill Nose, buried him in clean clothes
Remembered him with sad and wistful songs
Main Street burghers then chose to build a bust of Dead Nose
Erected giant nostril cast in bronze

Dead Nose

By Steve Durand

I called out my old hound dog
I got my old shot gun
Went to hunt for my supper
And set that dog to run

We were gone for hours
Travelled here and yon
No matter where we went
He couldn't catch a scent
I fear his sense of smell is gone

His nose is as dead as the tools in the shed
As dead as the nails in the door
And things have gone to hell
Since he lost his sense of smell
That dog won't hunt no more

Now he's no good for trackin'
A 'possum or a coon
He can't sniff out them critters
Oh, what am I to do

He ran across a pole cat
He didn't stop to think
He didn't run away, and so he got the spray
But he don't even mind the stink

His nose is as dead as the tools in the shed
As dead as the nails in the door
And things are looking bleak
I haven't eaten in a week
That dog won't hunt no more

Dead Nose by Star-Crossed Voyager

i bathed in lies and fooled my eyes, my eager eyes
looking down i saw not ground but melting ice
a conscience clogged is not a conscience scare at all
a mural painted fair and sweet against brick wall

the sharp wind furrows out my heart and soul
my dying nose has grown five degrees too cold
rosy red and the palest peach
who i was and who i am to be

flashes of ethereal light like deep sleep dreams
hate and anger will subside to calming peace
fumes that boiled inside my brain are now released
leeches fall like bloody raindrops now deceased

reclaim my flesh anew in one who pierced his own
lifeblood refreshed and joy restored in him alone

Dead Nose
by Ross Durand

I always knew when you were comin'
You always smelled like a rose
And that sweet sweet breeze would come a blowin' round the corner
But I'll never smell it again with this dead nose

You always looked like springtime comin'
Somehow I always was surprised
At the way a room would light up when you came in through the doorway
But I'll never see it again with these dead eyes

And my dead lips will never taste the berry sweetness of your mouth
And my dead hand will never feel yours again
And these dead ears will never hear the sweetness of things whispered in them
andI'll never say "I love you" again with this dead tongue

So now I'm lyin' down hear without you
Somehow I guess that's how it goes
And I can't explain but I know each day you come to see me
Cause I can smell your flowered perfume still with this dead nose

Dead Nose
by Luke Henley

I'm not put together right, it really is a sin.
There's a hole between my lips which no one will fill in.
There's a lump inside my mouth where no one ever goes.
There's a name she said to me, she called me Dead Nose.

Don't you cry, don't you cry, honey pie, honey pie.
Don't you cry, don't you cry, honey pie, honey pie.

It's like these starbursts that I eat that come in packs of two.
There's a strawberry for me, and a cherry for you.
Paris, France is a rat's maze where nothing ever grows.
I'll take a trip and we'll hip hip hip hooray for old Dead Nose.

Don't you cry, don't you cry, honey pie, honey pie.
Don't you cry, don't you cry, honey pie, honey pie.

My hair's a little flat, so I used hairspray
My lips a bit too thin, so I used lip gloss
But not everything on a body can be faked
For some things you've gotta go the whole way

I used to have thirty-six As, now I have thirty --
well that doesn't matter--
All that matters is that it wasn't puberty that fixed up those,
And I used to have a huge and bumpy, with flaring nostrils--
too much coke--
Now I've just got a dead nose,
Now I've just got a dead nose.

I had a bread free diet, got a prom drsss-- size 2--
I had wonky teeth, got shiny vaneers
I had a nip, I had a tuck, and some liposuction
But I still get plastered after half a beer

Chorus

I wear platform shoes to be 5'10â€

Holy shit, Bjam.

?

Bjam wrote:too much coke--

Bjam wrote:But I still get plastered after half a beer

Bjam wrote:But hey, I've got a lot of Songfighters left to marry and murder and inherit their money

Just... a bit surprised, is all. You've destroyed my previous image of you. In a good way, I think.

Hehe. Artistic license. I've never had any coke or had plastic surgery or murdered any SongFighters.

A little worrying now is what the previous image was and what the current image is

I thought Klownhole might enter their Yankee Foxtrot song, whatever, as Dead Nose. Because "dead nose" was quoted in the lyrics. The story behind it is that a) drinks, and, b), when I was a kid, I had this really great bootleg of Black Sabbath on cassette that I paid $2 for, and I would listen to that, Jesus Christ Superstar (Ian Gillan as Christ, of course), and Aqualung. All summer long. Untill Ralph gave me that tape with The Scorpions The Zoo on it. Anyway, I had that in my Chrysler, and it was great. It had Bosch's "Garden of Earthly Delights" on the insert, and was such a terrible copy that when Ozzy sang:

"Everything around you
What’s it coming to
God knows as your dog knows ..."

I thought he said something about "dad knows" or "dead nose"

So Klownhole yells "Dad knows as your dead nose"

But I think the part where Klownhole yells "it shows a lotta guts to walk into a big yankee fan", well, that's a little more ... actually, it's all pretty weak. Although this ramble reminds me of, a) how I got my head run over by the Chrysler, b) yelling "it shows a lot of guts to walk into a fan that big" during Alien 3 (the only good thing in that movie), and c)

Sabbath bloody sabbath
Nothing more to do
Living just for dying
Dying just for you

Anyway, Johnny Cashpoint is the king. The lyrics you other folks came up with for Dead Nose are quite grand, and perhaps "Pieces of Eight" is a turkey shoot, but he wins the lyrics gig for me. I like pirates, sea shanties, the whole deal. And zombies.

Bog blast all of you

Here's the lyrics to my version:

Dead Noses
Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto
(written by Anthony LoGatto)
contains breif parodies of "Rock Lobster" by the B-52's and "Get Naked" by Methods of Mayhem (Tommy Lee, w/ Lil' Kim and Fred Durst)

There used to be a rhinoplasty
in my town
it's been abondoned for years,
but the building's still around
The Town Hall wants to tear it down
so they picked me to take a look around

When I went inside, the building was a mess
it would take me years to complete this nasty test
but then I saw some things on the surgeon's floor
I see a lot of dead noses galore

(Chorus)
Dead nose, dead noses
all over the floor
rotting boogers I can't stands no more
so many dead noses as you can see
it's like the lost tomb of Jimmy Durante (Ha-cha-cha-cha!)

They're all dead noses
they can't smell the roses
it's worse than Michael Jackson
having osteroporosis (Eee-hee-hee!)
boogers all around turn from green to gray
I've seen more mold than this than in any other day

Carl Mauldin would be proud to have these noses
for a collection worth more than the average rubber hoses
try not to pick them; theses noses are a killa
just like W.C. Fields drinking a fifth of tequila

(Chorus)

Jimmy Durante: Ah yes! Listen to this, my friends! There's a whole bunch of dead noses lying around! I'm mortified! But, this makes me want to be the ultimate collector of schnozollas ever! Ha-cha-cha-cha!

Michael Jackson: This is Michael Jackson, and I would love to say that these noses would look great as replacements in case my current nose is used up. Eee-hee-hee! OW!!

W.C. Fields: I pretty much doubt that Michael, yes. But enough of the formalities, we must adjourn to the order at hand-- Mister, a little bit of that "Rock Lobster", yes.

There were some noses on the beach
they were almost out of reach
we went out there to get them
and we saw them then and there
They weren't alive
They were dead noses!

Dead Noses!
Dead Noses!
Psychosis?
No, it's dead noses!

Dead, Dead Noses
it's no form of hypnosis (Dead, Dead Noses)
they can't even smell the roses
*repeat 2x*

Hypnosis? (No!)
Psychosis? (No!)
Film grosses? (No!)
Rubber hoses? (No!)
Dead Noses!

Jimmy Durante: Everybody wants to get in da act! Umbriago!

So, what do you all think?

Anthony "A-Log" LoGatto