Open Up and Let It All Out (The Red Door Reviews)

[Edge of LA]

Q: How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
A: The knock starts to get faster and faster.

[Leaf]

How do you know when your stage is level?


the bass player drools from both sides of his mouth.

[Smalltown Mike]

Q: What do you call a guy who hangs around musicians?
A: The drummer.

And when I told Leaf this 15 years ago, he responded:

Q: Why does a singer knock on your door?
A: Cuz he never knows when to come in.

[Edge of LA]

ROTF

Q. How do you get a trombone player off your doorstep?
A. Pay for the pizza.

ok, I'll stop now.

[Albatross]

I think every post in this thread from here on out should have a music joke in it.

Well, OK, maybe not.

What's the range of a tuba?
About twenty yards, if you have a good arm.

[Leaf]

ROTF

Q. How do you get a trombone player off your doorstep?
A. Pay for the pizza.

ok, I'll stop now.

I am not kidding. I wrote that joke when I went to humber collegein 1991.


No joke. It was directed at Tony Mergel, who was the theory instructor. He was whittling off these jokes and I said, rather loudly,

"how do you know when a trombonist is at your front door?"

"PIZZA".


I had two motivations for this:
1 trombonists aren't exactly in high demand.

2. In typical 20 years old fashion, I thought making fun of trombonists would get this hot trombonist gal to like me.


Now, either there is alot of symbiotic thought here, or you read when I previously posted that joke, OR,(and this is the cool thing I'm hoping for) my joke has ACTUALLY come back to me, like a pet.


Move along now, nothing to see.

[jb]

ROTFSIP

[Edge of LA]

Trombone-Pizza joke is coming back to you.... like a mamed pet. hehe I saw the joke about 5 years ago on the internet. I think I saw it on Long Beach Poly HS website.

CHAT SPEAK: jb, what is "SIP"? Never seen that one.

HYHTNTMBG?
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(Have You Heard The New They Might Be Giants?)

[LMNOP]

trombonists aren't exactly in high demand.

Me and my trombone will be performing in a brass quartet this weekend.

In typical 20 years old fashion, I thought making fun of trombonists would get this hot trombonist gal to like me.

Call me, you big stud.

Hey, did you hear why the rhythm section was late to the gig? Seems the bass player locked his keys in the car with the drummer.

[gert]

Q: What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
A: You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once.

Uh, but not our drummer. He's wicked smart.

[raisedbywolves]

Do people with Tourette's curse when they're writing too?

"I thought the Hostess Mostess song had beautiful harmonies and instrume FUCK COCKSUCKER SHITBAG DOUCHE ntation. You guys rock! Keep up the SHIT SHIT SONOFABITCH BLOWJOB great work!"

Just wondering. In this wholly unrelated thread.

Oh, and I haven't heard of SIP either, but my guess would be "sitting (or swimming or shitting) in piss." I like that even if it's not true.

This post has been rated "PG-13." Like Young Sherlock Holmes.

[Albatross]

I believe SIP means "screaming in pain."

How many guitarists does it take to cover "Stairway To Heaven"?

All of them, apparently.

[ofscienceandnumbers]

How many lead singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one. He holds it in the socket and the world revolves around him.

[Edge of LA]

Alright, while we are waiting for the songs to post, here is my own critique/review of my song. I'll say it all here so you don't have to bother repeating these things in your reviews, and you can share with me something I didn't already know. Oh, and whatever praises you have. he!

Drum machine: so sue me
The mix might be all off: bass-heavy. You might want to listen with your EQ turned off.
Guitars might be too loud with too much presence.
Some blip at :20
Some lyrics are muddy: so I posted the lyrics in the lyric archive
Imperfect guitar solos. Two guitar solos totalling 50 seconds?!!!
I did the first one, and Steve (Buxtahoota) did the second one. I couldn't decide which one to use, so I used both. I'm learning more about lead guitarist egos.
A little dynamic changes could be cool.
I haven't mastered the art of panning stuff left and/or right.

Joke (relevant to the guitar solos)
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 13 - - - 1 to change it, and 12 to say "Ppphhhtthh! I could do THAT!"

You can preview the song at my myspace site.

[fodroy]

I believe SIP means "screaming in pain."

i read it as "sitting in piss."

[a bebop a rebop]

Hopefully I won't piss anyone off, especially as I don't contribute at all myself. ...someday, we'll see.

Anti-m – I like it a lot, love your voice.

Brent Seavers – Melodic vocal lines, background vocalists, and a nice catch. 90s-style power-pop gets me. It's catchy.

Count Awesome – Sing-a-long folk. OK, you said it four times. ...more singing along... This is kind of silly and not doing much for me.

Edge of LA – Your voice seems a bit muddled (as you mentioned) and the whole song is just kinda flat.

Luke and Ryan – Funny stuff.

Masters of Grip – I’m just kinda bored. It never goes anywhere, no dynamic shifts and your vocals barely go outside that half-an-octave range.

Melvin – I like the intro. Nice dynamic contrast and I have to say, I like your vocal stylings. Ultimately the song doesn’t do very much, but I kinda like it.

The Morsel Choir – Spacey sounding. I don’t like the lyrics at all and you sound like you’re singing them from the kitchen and then sometimes (starting around 2:45) they start jumping out unnecessarily. This song just never goes anywhere, 5 minutes is way too long.

Of Science and Numbers – The vocal harmonies sound a bit tinny. At least you have some contrast on the song, and I do like the horns. Overall I like it some. (And I'm amazed we've managed to get this far before a reference to the game.)

Raised by Wolves – On sound alone, this song gets me, very lush and full. It doesn't do particularly anymuch but that's fine for the length. I like it a whole lot.

Rone Rivendale – ell oh ell. Goofy but kinda funny.

Those Meddling Kids – I really like your sound and your song. The lyrics do tend to get covered up but that’s alright, I didn’t really care about what they were saying to begin with. And I dub thee… Prog-Indie. Plus you know how to keep it short. I like it a lot.

[melvin]

Anti-M: This is solid chick-with-guitar music. Some clever wordplay is evident. Good singing voice. I sort of expected the production to kick it up a notch at some point, but I suppose production values aren’t as important here as raw song quality, and this song is of pretty good quality. Still, maybe you could toss in a vibe solo next time?

Brent Seavers: This is super-catchy! And an odd-yet-pleasant-sounding solo to boot. If I’m not mistaken, I thought you were a drunken psycho trailer park killer / amateur porn artist based on your last entry. Maybe I don’t have you pegged. Maybe I should stop trying to “pegâ€

[Andy Balham]

Of Science and Numbers: I can’t quite place where that intro/chorus melody is borrowed from

I would venture "I Can't Help Falling In Love With You" by The King.

[ofscienceandnumbers]

I knew it seemed familiar and all too easy to write, but I just couldn't place it.

[furrypedro]

I've just been giving the songs the old once over, reviews coming as soon as I've heard them a few more times.

I had to do luke and ryans right now tho, so...

Luke and Ryan: k, so I think it was about 5 years ago when I got into Pixies that I realised I actually like a lot of quite bad music, stuff that you could play to your friends and they'd go "what is this horrible shit?" and that could easily apply to this, okay so it's got a kind of novelty vibe so I don't think I could get too many listens out of it. On the other hand it reminds me of lots of other things which i really love, and which I'm gonna list. 1: that Barenaked ladies track, If I Had a Million Dollars, I loved that even tho I thought they were cack. I was waiting for the Dijon ketchup moment. 2: Que suerte by Cap'n Jazz, where you can hear Tim and Mike kinsella and Davey von bohlen all singing at the same time and actually distinguish their voices. 3: Luke's voice still really reminds me of Jeff Lewis which is always gonna be a vote swinger. anyway, sounded like you had fun making it, I certainly had fun listening to it (yet it also managed to squeeze in a melancholy moment as well) and as irritating as many people seem to find what you come up with is, a fight can never be bland when the phunt phamily is around.
I never saw this coming at any rate and this fight would've been boring as arse without it.

I doubt I'm going to find as much to write about the other tracks.

[jb]

<b>Melvin</b>- Had to listen to your song twice in a row. Great pop song man, really excellent. Wish I wrote that.

JB

[beatlebrent]

Melvin & a bebop a rebop, thanks for the sugar-coated compliments. It's tough writing a song in a week and tougher recording it the night before the due date because you've been sick all week with no voice. As much as I wish it could have been mixed better... or just plain mixed, I really wanted to get my song idea up. (Kid meets vague girl, gets vague napkin map to her swingin' pad "I'm behind the one with the red door" but main character is colorblind so can't find her." it just seemed too funny not to write. Anyway, Melvin... I had hoped you'd be a Fresh Dog writer cuz your songs always rock. But since you're a Red Door-man, I have to say that no winning will be done for this lad. Oh well. Great Song, though. Really.

-brent