The Song Fight Bulletin Board

Try not to sound like a trombone....


.....nor a trombone player.

Thanks in advance.


edit: whoops.... maybe I meant a muted trumpet.... bwah bwah bwaaaaaah!

That's a good one (the title).
-bill

At my old job, there was this girl who used to talk all the time with her mouth full, so much so that somedays she was impossible to understand. So after awhile we began referring to her by the muted trumpet sound from Charlie Brown.

Terse, snarky reviews. At least I never 'ack'ed anyone.

Bjam: boomp-a-chick-a-boomp-a-chick-a. The vocals are beautiful, guitar is kinda clunky. Nice chord/melody choices. This reminds me of cowboy Junkies a bit. Could use a change-up in the drum pattern.

Booty Chesterfield Trio: Ahh shit. This rocks. Did he say 'roll me a fatty'? Garage punk done right; exactly like the Stooges did it. Perfect length, too. Contender.

Caravan Ray: tototototo muchmuchmuchmuchmuch delaylaylaylaylay. Very... twinkly. And stuff. Shit, I'm not going to lie to you, I don't like the style, so I'm not the best guy to review this.

Edge of LA: Hiss as a lead instrument. Oh, the 'Marcy is a lesbian' angle. When the chorus kicks in, the hiss gets less distracting, I guess this is catchy, but the lyrics are kind of dumb. The music is pretty good, but the vocal melody is pretty cliche.

Jim of Seattle: Jeeze, Jim. This sounds like a kid's song. I could see this on a Raffi album. That said, it's pretty great for what it is. Who's playing everything on this?

Klownhole: Fucking awesome. Like Victim's Family and Henry Rollins had buttsex and produced an anal baby, who went on to have buttsex with Alice Donut. Or Gwar. Something like that. Too much reverb, but probable vote.

MC Milk Plus: Very well done. Too bad I hate this with every shred of my being.

Phunt Your Friends: Surprisingly musical. Wait, I haven't been reviewing lately, did you guys stop doing the noise crap and start doing actual songs? (not trying to be a dick or anything, I'm genuinely surprised how nice this is... considering how much shit you guys take here, I was expecting 17 minutes of fart noises) This is almost Simon and Garfunkel-ish. Contender.

Stolen Holiday: Jing jinga jinga jing jinga jinga jing etc. This is the distant relative of EoLA's song. Possibly more interesting and better-performed than it. Oh, man. That falsetto part makes my nuts itch. Not good.

Stuey M: You are a talented mofo. I see where Bjam gets it from. That said, not a fan of Celtic music, so you're not gonna get my vote

Van Pelts: Who the hell is this? Absolute crap.

So my bloody song isn't up ... hopefully fightmaster is nice and puts it up. I hate my bloody email that can't send big enough files ... especially when I've put that much work into it.

Sven wrote:Jim of Seattle: Jeeze, Jim. This sounds like a kid's song. I could see this on a Raffi album. That said, it's pretty great for what it is. Who's playing everything on this?

Guess what, is IS a kid's song.

I played harmonica, the guitar is Virtual Guitarist, and the drums are BFD. All faked. The accordion is Midi. Mostly synthetic. But I wrote it. And I'm singing. And I engineered it. And I picked the presets off the drop-down boxes in the plug-ins.

jolly roger wrote:So my bloody song isn't up ... hopefully fightmaster is nice and puts it up. I hate my bloody email that can't send big enough files ... especially when I've put that much work into it.

Hey, Kweep already has a (good) song this week in another fight. Stop yer whinin'.

Hey Jim, took me a while to figure your comment out. Jolly Roger isn't Kweep, he's just quoting him in his sig, in a badly punctuated way! Unless you know something I don't ....

Jim of Seattle wrote:

jolly roger wrote:So my bloody song isn't up ... hopefully fightmaster is nice and puts it up. I hate my bloody email that can't send big enough files ... especially when I've put that much work into it.

Hey, Kweep already has a (good) song this week in another fight. Stop yer whinin'.

What does Kweep's song have to do with mine not being posted?

EDIT: Oh ... thanks for figuring that out J$. I didn't really get what he was saying ... maybe I should change my signature.

Jim of Seattle wrote: I played harmonica, the guitar is Virtual Guitarist, and the drums are BFD. All faked. The accordion is Midi. Mostly synthetic. But I wrote it. And I'm singing. And I engineered it. And I picked the presets off the drop-down boxes in the plug-ins.

Well, it sounds pretty realistic to me. Good job!

jolly roger wrote:

Jim of Seattle wrote:

jolly roger wrote:So my bloody song isn't up ... hopefully fightmaster is nice and puts it up. I hate my bloody email that can't send big enough files ... especially when I've put that much work into it.

Hey, Kweep already has a (good) song this week in another fight. Stop yer whinin'.

What does Kweep's song have to do with mine not being posted?

EDIT: Oh ... thanks for figuring that out J$. I didn't really get what he was saying ... maybe I should change my signature.

Oops, sorry'bout that. Thanks for the catch, J$. 3 beers and all, I suppose....

So I figure my song's probably not going to get posted, so I'll post a link. If it goes up, I guess I'm just an idiot, but whatever. Here is a link.

Jim of Seattle wrote:

jolly roger wrote:So my bloody song isn't up ... hopefully fightmaster is nice and puts it up. I hate my bloody email that can't send big enough files ... especially when I've put that much work into it.

Hey, Kweep already has a (good) song this week in another fight. Stop yer whinin'.

well, thanks for thinkin' my song is (good) jim

Sven wrote:Terse, snarky reviews. At least I never 'ack'ed anyone.

Edge of LA: Hiss as a lead instrument. Oh, the 'Marcy is a lesbian' angle. When the chorus kicks in, the hiss gets less distracting, I guess this is catchy, but the lyrics are kind of dumb. The music is pretty good, but the vocal melody is pretty cliche.

I couldn't figure out how to eliminate the hiss. I'm glad that I'm not the ONLY one doing the lesbian angle trying to sound like Melissa Etheridge. and the lyrics are not "kind of dumb"... they are VERY STUPID. I had actually been working on a simple 3 chord song for my 8 year old niece, and came up with PP stuff...so the melody came out simple and cliched.

Sven wrote:Phunt Your Friends:Wait, I haven't been reviewing lately, did you guys stop doing the noise crap and start doing actual songs? (not trying to be a dick or anything, I'm genuinely surprised how nice this is...

Don't worry, we're still keepin' it rill. Phunt Your Friends + Der Neuen Stenographen + Sandcastle Surgery = this one with one the porny name. You almost certainly hated that more than you like this, so, there you go.

I guess I'll do some reviews

Bjam - Really laid back. I like it. I wish you had done a bit more work on the drums, but other than that, I really like the feel and tune. Great vocal performance too. My first thought was that it seemed predictable, but it really wasn't. It was really good. 8.5/10

Caravan Ray - I like the ringtone-like start. This isn't really what I thought your song would sound like, which is good. It's kind of creepy. Kind of really creepy, but interesting. I think if I was a fan of this kind of music I would really dig it. 8/10

Edge of LA - I don't love the vocals, but it's kind of a cool sounding song. I like the lyrics too ... really ingenius. Kind of screwed up, but ingenius. I like the mix of piano, guitar, etc ... it all just seems to flow together really good. Just a pointer - try not to close up the back of your throat when you get high ... keep it open. That aside, I actually enjoyed this song a lot. 8.5/10

Jolly Roger - Here's a link. So this one didn't get through, but I really like it. I like the opening, I like the song in general. I don't love my vocal performance overall, but I think it's one of my okay ones. It'd be awesome if you guys reviewed it.

Jim of Seattle - That's so awesome! I just love the originality of it all ... pretty awesome. I love the harmonica too. Not too much else I can say about this one other than - 9/10

Klownhole - I love the riff. I don't love the mix, but that's not what I'm rating on. I really like this song. It's good how much you get into the song ... I think it was great. 9.5/10

MC Milk Plus - I can't really hear the vocals ... kind of reminds me of a better Ill Cricket Crew. I actually like this quite a bit. And by that I mean tons. This is so good! 9.5/10

Phunt Your Friends - I really like the intro. I was actually thinking that this would suck, and some of the playing isn't fantastic, but I really like the sound ... don't really know why ... it just seems to be well put together or something. One problem - quite long. Not much else I dislike about this song ... it could have been better, but I like it. 7/10

Stolen Holiday - I dig it. I don't love the way you push pEppermint pAtty out of your lungs ... the tune is really nice though ... wish you had mixed up the tune a bit more through the song ... might have overdone the falsetto too. I really like the tune though. That last line cracks me up. I give it a 7.5/10

Stueym - I don't think I've ever heard one of your songs ... I really like it though. You've got a good voice ... is that a guitar or a ukulele? I can't put my finger on it. I'm glad you didn't drag it out, but I kind of wanted a bit more. I give it a 9/10

The Booty Chesterfield Trio - I like the sound of the instruments and the vocals, but I don't really love the effects applied ... pretty good overall, but the style really isn't my thing. ... I give it a 7/10

The Van Pelts - This is pretty cool, but I think you need a bass or something to add in there ... not bad. I give it 7/10

So this was actually a wicked fight ... lowest score was a 7. I really did like the songs. Great job everyone.

[EDIT - 4/27/06 : i was pretty ripped when i wrote these so... sorry for how useless they are and how unusually abrasive... plus, i sound like rick from the young ones... 'boring'. ]

bjam - your voice is rockin... but feels like you is hidin it behind bad guitars...

booty chesterfield - great friggin' vibe... but gets boring...

caravan ray - damn it.. i tried to be receptive but i'm neglective.... not interesting.

edge of l.a. - boring as hell... i.e. boring as my life. i.e. just plain boring.

jim - damn... that writing is funny... yet, some how, innocuosly boring...

jolly - holy poo... who knew you had it in you? good rock... then get's lost in the boring...

klown - fuck yeah.. vote?

Mc Milk - damn you for suckin me in on the last one... (i.e. - this one rocks but is no where near as cool as the last one so i can't vote for ya)

phunt - damn it... just when i wanna HATE ya i can't cause you make this... grrrr.... vote?

stolen - damn... this is a good song... vote?

stueym - holy kweep... drunken singin and writin'.... this is my kinda songin'... errr... vote? [EDIT - 4/27/06 : what i meant is, sounds like a pub song... i think i was projecting the 'drunken'ness, heh]

vanpelts - nice and rockin... damn... vote?

crap... i liked a lot of these... dunno who i'ma vote for...

I'm a big fan of stueym. Nice job Stuey! It's like a timeless piece of music. A classic! The ending is perfection.

Phunt: you are the new Spinto Band. i expect to hear you on a Sears commercial soon. why guys with compelling singing voices would rather turn in soundscapey garbage instead of vocal songs 99% of the time is a mystery to me.

Stu: cute, but only just.

VPs: it is upbeatey, but starts to draggin there in the middle, kazoo notwithstanding. the lyrics are nicely twisty.

bjam: cool guitar changes, but dang it's long. almost getting a cowboy junkies vibe there. if i were to vote on just the songwriting for this fight, this'd probably win. so many good changes in there. nice job. 3:41, tho? seriously? this is a dylanesque epic.

boo-tay: sounds like drunk black english blues musicians. .. three of them.

CR: song didn't really go anywhere, nothing going on, vocals inaudible. if the part @ 1:29 were the opening of the song, it'd probably have gotten more of a listen. vocals up! too much juxtaposition in the vocal levels w/the sample.

edge ofla: im more concerned with the tuning than the hiss. what is going on there? meeeeh.. i think you can do better than this.

JoS: lots of poor timing decisions here. i hear what you're going for, but, as usual, the pounding, overwhelming use of the hook ruins it. i could really dig this for the angularity of the timing if not for the doop-de-doos and the lyrics.

JRODGER: playin' along with those "how to be in pantera" CDs again?

KLOWNHOLE: see "JRODGER". OOH. OOH. UH. ralph's a funky bitch. that bass sounds great.

milk: this is sweet. faked brit accent?

vote is between klownhole, bjam, and phunt.

blue wrote: KLOWNHOLE: see "JRODGER". OOH. OOH. UH. ralph's a funky bitch. that bass sounds great.

Actually, we were listening to a lot of Clutch and were heavily influenced. And I mean that in both senses.

I don't think I've ever been called funky. And I don't consider myself anyone's bitch. Unless it's rock's bitch. That might be ok. Wait, I don't mean The Rock, like the guy in the movies. I mean The Rock, like the spirit of rock that overcomes us when a downtuned power chord is played really loud. Or the big distorted bass that makes the ice in your drink rattle.

blue wrote:JRODGER: playin' along with those "how to be in pantera" CDs again?

I've never listened to Pantera before, so could you elaborate? Am I sounding like a cheap rippoff band of something I've never listened to?

GO LISTEN TO PANTERA AND DAMAGE PLAN NOW.