The Song Fight Bulletin Board

BAD CAT / King Arthur

Let's pretend I am the owner of the Arizona Cardinals
And I'm hopelessly addicted to some kinda sleeping pills
And I was recently informed the IRS is gonna audit
And I've lost a lot of money on the Buffalo Bills

The cream in my coffee, on top of all that
Is that my girlfriend just got a... bad cat.

Let's presume that she convinced me of the joys of matrimony
And we had the ceremony somewhere up in Pebble Beach
And that the honeymoon was perfect down in Rio de Janeiro
And the IRS found absolutely nothing to impeach

Right now the only thing that makes my tires go flat
Is that my new bride brought along her... bad cat.

Me-ow means I'm hurtin',
Now we're both climbing the walls.
So you scratch me, and I'll shoot ya
And we'll settle this once and for all.

Let's suppose that we've decided that the marriage isn't working
And we didn't bother making a prenuptual agreement
And she's got a better lawyer 'cause she's known about this longer
And now I'm trying to decipher all these documents he sent

They're from some Hollywood attorney name of Nigel Rosenblatt,
They say my baby wants the house, and the cars and the money,
And the condo and the Lear Jet, and the stocks and the bonds,
And the secret bank account and the servants and the furniture
And all she wants to give me is the... bad cat.

Bad Cat

Dictator supplicant noisemaker lovemaker
imitator judge and midnight housebreaker
I could go on he’s also an explorer and faker
shrill in his pleasure at finding hidden delights

He might be closeted in prayer
or dancing in the public square
there’s no such thing as a bad cat —
he just doesn’t care, about trivial things

A heather cat a leather cat obviously a cat who gets the blues
but a bad cat? where’s that at? he thinks enough about you to leave his
greetings in your shoe

Trembling with laughter excited by frights
wrestler and rowdy a promoter of fights
a seeker of sympathy the picture of the blighted
a creator of chaos but the calm in the storm

He’s forever part of the scenery
but suddenly not there
there’s no such thing as a bad cat —
he just doesn’t care, about the trivial things

he can’t be bothered

hide your shoes

Sockpuppet - Bad Cat

I have a bad cat
He is very fat
He sat on my hat
And then he shat

He dragged the hat
All over my mat
Then he ate a bat
And made friends with a rat


I took this bad cat
To the laundromat
When we had a spat
About the theocrat

He's a diplomat
For this crazy dingbat
Sent us off to combat
Like a copycat


He's a bureaucrat
And a total ass-hat
Shut down the laundromat
Because he overheard chitchat

An aristocrat
And a cosmocrat
He's a pornocrat
Such a total prat


So I took this cat
Back to my flat
Gave up on the hat
Dumped it with the mat

We had a little chat
He'd have nothing of that
But I gave him a pat
He's my pussycat

Bad Cat by Dollar Bill & The Inkpoints
(words & music by Johnny Cashpoint & Heuristics Inc)

Big fat cat, dirty in the boardroom, and the
Coffee’s cold, wish I was a Bedouin
There’s no pride in being just a businessman
I’m top dog, bad for lionhearted men
Mid day sun in the Serengetti makes the
Corporate seem so small and petty so I
Fly cub class for the mane attraction I was
Not born free but I’ll put my dream in action

Yes it’s
[Dog eat dog] But in my imagination
[Poor little human] Permenant vacation
[Bad cat] Noble savage roars
[Very Bad Cat] Give me pause

Big fat cat, head off to Savanah and a
Midlife crisis, spend it all in Africa
Get away, sick of office politics,
Nature calls, baby let’s get primitive
Hunt with lions, feeling kind of feline, I’m a
Real wild man, hope the natives they don’t mind
I’m feeling kind of frisky but it’s risky cos
If I got eaten who would end up missing me?

Live with cats, circle of my life’s complete,
Once was king, now I suckle at the teat
On all fours - will they let me join their troop?
Things look bad – Simba’s licking at his lips
You bad cat put me down I’m not your lunch
Final thought as I hear my ribcage crunch
I hope that Herzog don’t make movie out of
How big cats spent a day consuming me

REPEAT CHORUS

[Poor little human he got eaten
he might have been good at dog eat dog
but he made a. Very. Bad. Cat.]

Bad Cat, by Gert

Gert is pleased that you would take the time to read our words.

Smalltown Mike kicks it:

You and I know I'm a bad cat — hanging out
in the city with them other kitties
and I'm drunk like a tom cat when I get back
and I know what you think about that
up all night up to no good
running round in your neighbourhood
scratching up and down your curtains
but I can make you purr for certain

Then speaks the Tonetripper:
Living life large
Guilty as charged
I’m a bad cat

Continues Smalltown:

You and I know I'm a bad cat
Paws in the fish bowl is the way I roll
Meowing all night on the city streets
but I always land on my feet
And you know these eyes alright
Green lights fix you in the dead of night
Do I dare? and Do I care?
Sing the love song of the bad cat, yea

Tonetripper interjects:
Living life large
Guilty as charged
I’m a bad cat
Living life large
Guilty as charged
I’m a motherfucking bad cat

You and I know I'm a bad cat
claws like knives and more than 9 lives
get lucky when you cross my path
Cuz there's more than one way to skin a bad cat
king tutt strutting with them other strays
and I've seen better days
Don't get furious when I get curious,
Ain't nothing gonna kill a bad cat

And so ends Tonetripper with:
Living life large
Guilty as charged
I’m a bad cat
Living life large
Guilty as charged
I’m a motherfucking bad cat