JESUS CHRIST, COVER THAT THING UP!!!! (crude reviews)

[TheNedPlimptonOrchestra]

huzzah.

[Kweep]

fly paper orch. - kinda fun... the lazy drunken tuning issues works... for a while... seems too long.

phunt - very cool sounds and such a dark vibe...

pop electronics - nice groove! the change to the chorus feels a little... forced or something. cool solo. nice tune over all!

screaming - cool vibe. nice vox. the tune gets cut off at 2:04... but pretty cool up til there.

[Stubby Phillips]

Kweep:
+ Cool song!
+ Tasty mix on guitars/vocals/bass.
+ Cool lyrics, solo, DaVinci Code ref.
+ Production is years ahead of most of the stuff I've heard on song fight.
- Drums toward right & weak kick
- The out part after 2:25 is quiter than the rest and I repeatedly think I hear the beginning of a long fade.


Screaming Poet:
+ Nice intro
+ Good vox & harmonies
+ Good sound, but...
- needs to be more 'up front'; limiting?
- vox a little low
- lyrics too mellow/pop for my taste (?)
- sometimes stops @ 0:43, then 0:47, sometimes goes longer. WTF?


The Flypaper Orchestra:
+ Awesome trumpet intro -- mind if I sample?
+ snare sounds like a paper bag
- timing issues
- drunken daze
+ refreshingly original in it's unrepentant crappyness

Popular Electronics:
+ Production at least as good as Kweep; cleaner sound
+ Nice hooks
+ Mix is great -- good imaging and openness
- not sure I like the outro...

Phunt; Don't Tell:
+ Jingling noise
+ short
= Dark? Midnight in a coalmine
- everything else

I'm surprised to hear two songs of this caliber in a small fight like this. This is tight between PE and Kweep, but Kweep wins with a little extra energy and cleverness.

[fodroy]

The Flypaper Orchestra:
+ Awesome trumpet intro -- mind if I sample?

sample away, my good man.

[fodroy]

unalphabetic order...

puceular electronics: puce, my man, the intro sounds like the music from a car insurace commercial. i don't really like the guitar tone in the first verse, but once the heaviness kicks in it's fine. you have the best falsetto of anyone at songfight. the dissonant guitar punch is really cool. you suck because you never suck, so suck it.

kweep: i like the strange vocal contrast in the verses. this is definitely a rocker. i don't think i can see myself listening to this song again. it's well done and all, just not memorable.

screaming poet: paul simon meets linkin park? i don't know. i'm really not into this...aaaaand it cuts off before the song is over.

phunt: well, hello phuntsters. we meet again on the internet. you guys have a lot of stuff that's cool, that pleases the ears in a strange sort of way. and then you have things that are just really sparse and don't go anywhere. this is the second kind of phunt.

fly paper orchestra: da fug is dis shit?

[Screaming Poet]

The Flypaper Orchestra - trumpet sounds outta wack - guitar sounds decent - but overall just don't dig it

Phunt; Don't Tell - sounds cool at first then seems to go to some far off land far far away

Screaming Poet - did I send in a bad mp3 cause I thought I sent in a good one it's getting cut off. Am I allowed to resend if its the mp3. The tracks low I know (workin on it) The ending ends a little too abrupt for me. If it was there you would know what I'm talking about. didn't have time to make a different one so I just stuck with it. Production not that good but I like it.

Kweep - Like the rhythm - words kinda hard to understand at first but lyrics help - really dig the chorus - YES OH YES that lead with the wah is sweet - this ones lookin pretty good

Popular Electronics - Like the punchy bass sounds really good - breakdown before chorus is cool - chorus itself is ok - the ending breakdown is pretty cool too.

[blue]

Am I allowed to resend if its the mp3.

yes, just make a post to the QA thread begging forgiveness + a link to the fixed mp3.

[Screaming Poet]

So do I need to put mp3 on somesongs then link it to that? Is that the best way to go? I guess thats supposed to be a statue of Britney Spears.

[Crates]

REVIEWS: Crude

After receiving an unexpected wave of responses to the last review (ranging from "Good work!" to "Fuck off and die!"), I just can't help but come back with more.

This time the target is Crude-- a song with only five entries, making my job a hell of a lot easier.

Before anybody starts bitching, let's make things a little more clear:

I don't care if your feelings are hurt.

If your music sucks, and I tell you that, and you make an effort to produce better music, we both win.

Moreover, Crates is not your friend.

Shit, would you people rather I lied to you?



Scoring System
Innovation, instrumentals, and vocals each count for up to ten points.

Code: Select all

 1-4 : F
 5-6 : D-
 7-8 : D
 9-10: D+
11-12: C-
13-14: C
15-17: C+
18-20: B-
20-22: B
23-24: B+
25-26: A-
27-28: A
29-30: A+

Flypaper Orchestra

This is Flypaper's first time to SongFight, and they're the only ones in this fight to debut here. Like most artists releasing their first song to this amateur forum, they suck. Boys, I'm the only person who is going to give it to you straight... nothing about the track you submitted can be considered music. Here's a way to tell if you should submit a song: if the band members wouldn't listen to it for pleasure, other people probably wouldn't want to either. And I can't imagine you guys listen to this kind of shit while driving in your car or playing beer pong in the basement.

SCORE

Innovation: 0 / 10
This song is really boring. You know how people use music to enhance things that are fun? Like how all action movies have really fast paced, exciting music just as Tom Cruise base jumps from a skyscraper onto a moving van? Well if they ever make a movie where Tim Allen plays a trout fisherman trying to catch the big one up in Lake Winnipesaukee, you'll definitely be hired for the soundtrack.

Instrumentals: 1 / 10
You get a point in Instrumentals because I actually recognized that you were playing instruments... I heard two guitars, a snare drum, and what was either some kind of brass instrument or the death throes of some diseased jungle animal. Unfortunately, the "orchestra" playing these instruments are all tragic victims of a Trisomy 21 chromosomatic malfunction-- so take this advice: practice playing music before pretending you've written a song. Nobody wants to hear your garage band pass off their first rehearsal together as a performance.

Vocals: 1 / 10
FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, sing your song like you actually want to be there singing it! A novel idea, I know... but if you sound bored as fuck, guess what? We're all going to be bored as fuck listening to it.

TOTAL = 2 / 30 = F



Kweep

This is Kweep's eighth song to SongFight, and damned if I know why they haven't won any fights yet. Opening with a sternum-shattering progression of chords that scream Get Off Your Ass and PARTY, they proceed to deliver a combination of solid harmony and old school rock.

The eighties are back, and they've met us in the modern age.

SCORE

Innovation: 8 / 10
Delicious. There's nothing like this on the radio today, and it makes me ashamed of my local radio stations.

Instrumentals: 9 / 10
Rock solid. Need I say more?

Vocals: 6 / 10
The harmonies are nothing short of true awesomeness- but speak up, guys! A good part of the vocals are unintelligible, and even when you're screaming, it doesn't pop out of the speakers at me. There's so much energy in this song that it's a crying shame not to deliver the heart of it- the words- with eardrum crushing conviction.

TOTAL = 23 / 30 = B+



Phunt; Don't Tell


From what I gather, this artist represents a collaborative effort between "Phunt Your Friends" and another artist ("Don't Tell"?) -- this being the eighth such production under this artist name. Though Phunt has released a ton of tracks, both alone and also in tandem with other artists, he has yet to score a single win. Yet listening to Phunt's music gives one the impression that winning isn't really what he's after in the first place.

As usual, Phunt brings along a short instrumental track to the match. A good part of this particular track is spent in near-silence, giving the impression that these guys have worked to pack a whole lot of nothing into a short 70 seconds.

SCORE

Innovation: 3 / 10
This sounds just like your last track-- both are better suited as background music to a video game, rather than something people would buy and play on the regular. Some real vocals (not just vague whisperings in the background) would go a long way.

Instrumentals: 3 / 10
It's like a little kid just got his first Casio keyboard for Christmas and is figuring out which of the ivories makes which sound effect. Actually, now that I think about it, you guys remind me of that episode of "Friends" where Ross unveils his "musical talent" at the coffee shop. Except his song had cool explosions and helicopter effects on it.

Vocals: 0 / 10
I'm not going to pretend that whatever was being said in the background was vocals. If I can't figure out what you're saying, it might as well be another instrument.

TOTAL = 6 / 30 = D-



Popular Electronics

With their third fight ever, all in the last month, Pop Elect reminds the SongFight crowd that they're a force to be reckoned with. And unless my ears deceive me, that's Puce on the vocals! Fantastic.

The song opens with a bluesy, funky sound-- straight out of Sega's classic video game, "Toe Jam and Earl". Soon after comes the familiar harmonies and clever lyrics we remember from Piracy Undermines Creative Expression and Mostly Harmless. Another instant classic.

SCORE

Innovation: 9 / 10
The whole song is unique, and the vocals are interesting, but that's not where the innovation ends: one might go as far to say that this kind of music breaks into its own genre. The mixing of different musical elements, from the slap bass to the changes in vocal style, is just plain fresh.

Instrumentals: 10 / 10
Not only are these instrumentals well selected, meshed and post-produced... they're supremely well played. Hats off to you guys.

Vocals: 9 / 10
There's nothing left to be said. The vocals are strong, the music is fun; the whole song rocks.

TOTAL = 28 / 30 = A



Screaming Poet

This is the second SongFight for Screaming Poet, who does anything but on this exceedingly quiet submission. Scarcely a minute and a half long, the song cuts off in mid-singing for reasons inexplicable. What we do see of the music shows a combination familiar to this site of inspiration and inexperience. There's still a great deal of promise for Screaming Poet.

SCORE

Innovation: 4 / 10
It's not really all that fresh, but it's not all that bad either.

Instrumentals: 6 / 10
This is easily the strongest part of your music so far. Don't forget post-production! The music needs to be levelled and normalized so the vocals lay on top of the instrumentals, not the other way around.

Vocals: 5 / 10
You aren't bad at singing, but a little more heart and a lot more volume would go a long way.

TOTAL = 15 / 30 = C+



All in all, this was a fun fight to review. It's nice to see some solid music on Song Fight.

Until next time,
-- Crates

[Kweep]

This is Kweep's eighth song to SongFight, and damned if I know why they haven't won any fights yet.

i'm much more interested in the reviews than i am in winning a fight.

[fodroy]

if the band members wouldn't listen to it for pleasure, other people probably wouldn't want to either.

who says we don't enjoy listening to it? we don't release songs that we don't like.

And I can't imagine you guys listen to this kind of shit while driving in your car or playing beer pong in the basement.

we don't drive cars. we ride bikes. also, we don't play beer pong, nor do we have a basement.

You know how people use music to enhance things that are fun? Like how all action movies have really fast paced, exciting music just as Tom Cruise base jumps from a skyscraper onto a moving van? Well if they ever make a movie where Tim Allen plays a trout fisherman trying to catch the big one up in Lake Winnipesaukee, you'll definitely be hired for the soundtrack.

this was never intended to be listened to as a potential film score. pieces of music should be able to stand on their own as a unique piece of art. mission impossible scores can't really do this. the songs always bring you back to the film. sucks that it works that way. i'm just thankful that none of our music is attached to a film or television commercial in that manner.

Nobody wants to hear your garage band pass off their first rehearsal together as a performance.

nor do we have a garage.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, sing your song like you actually want to be there singing it! A novel idea, I know... but if you sound bored as fuck, guess what? We're all going to be bored as fuck listening to it.

when i sing with what some call "feeling," or how some people define it, i sound annoying as hell. this is how i sing with feeling.

/just wanted to clear some things up.

[j$]

REVIEWS: Crude

Popular Electronics

... clever lyrics .... Another instant classic.

a song about sex... written by a gay man. Please save your kind words for someone who actually gives a shit.

[Paco Del Stinko]

I listened to each song once a day, plus twice today, for a total of...lemme see here...four times! Many more listens to come before voting.

Flypaper Orch. - Loose, werbly and uneven yet there is still a comfy vibe that lies within. Talk about casual!
Kweep - Kick up the kick and let that wah peek around the corner near songs' end, but petty comments are those. I like the vocals too. Are you wearing silk dragon pants?
Phunt Don't Tell - Incidental dreamscape music that tingles the nape of my neck. I like where this takes me. (!)
Popular Electronics - Excellant. The transitions into the choruses, esp. the 2nd one, kick ass. Another block-busterian song. Great use of color.
Screaming Poet - Don't forget this one: the vitamins just need to kick in and then take it to the garage for a tune up.

I like them all, for different reasons. Paco will vote by secret ballot later in the week. Piece!

[fodroy]

REVIEWS: Crude

Popular Electronics

... clever lyrics .... Another instant classic.

a song about sex... written by a gay man. Please save your kind words for someone who actually gives a shit.

so i was confused. johnny, i didn't know you wrote lyrics for popular electronics, so i was just like "huh? puce is gay?"

anyways, this just shows the usefulness of songfight wiki. i thought popular electronics was just a pseudonym for puce.

[catch]

EXAMPLE WIKI ENTRY:

Puce

Not gay.

[HeuristicsInc]

I just finished listening to all the fights together on random, and Popular Electronics had my favorite song out of all three fights so I voted for it.
Maybe I'll be able to do reviews later!
-bill

[Kweep]

Are you wearing silk dragon pants?

cripes... either you have exceptional eyesight, bein able to see all the way from Nude Hampster to Tejas, or... i just telegraph my uber fashion sense way farther than i'd ever imagined.

[Crates]

REVIEWS: Crude

Popular Electronics

... clever lyrics .... Another instant classic.

a song about sex... written by a gay man. Please save your kind words for someone who actually gives a shit.

Don't be a fucking tool, Cashpoint. I never said I had a problem with your musical talents.

You seem intelligent enough to know that you're not making yourself look any better than me by reducing yourself to my level.

[Oust The Mods]

I have it from Crates himself that he is nothing but a blowboy like the rest of you.

Keep on sucking Crates. You don't stand for change or present a challenge to the system of mudsucking at all.

All of you can suck my dick.

[Crates]

Who the fuck is this tool?

Honestly, I was trying to be the biggest dick round these parts, but apparently I arrived two minutes too late.





A transcript:

From: Oust The Mods
To: Crates
Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 8:51 am
Subject: Yo

You make sense to me.

You have a right to your opinion about any subject.

The mudsuckers seem to think that they are the only ones who have a right to express their opinions or to flame.

That's why we need to oust the mods.

We can solve all of these problems and grow the community by ridding it of the Mudsuckers Club.

I've got a killer plan to alter virtual reality over the next 5 years.

email me at: artistsforanarchy@gmail.com




From: Crates
To: Oust The Mods
Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 2:26 pm
Subject: Re: Yo

Who are you?

I didn't come here to overturn shit... I came here because that's where life led me. Fuck anarchy. For what it's worth, these mods are doing a damn good job of keeping this website in order. My song gets posted in a timely fashion, and roughly a week later, I get to see the results, which as far as I can tell are accurate.

If I had a grudge against SongFight, it would be gone already... and it would take me five minutes, not five years.




From: Oust The Mods
To: Crates
Posted: Thu May 25, 2006 2:30 pm
Subject: Re: Yo

I knew you weren't for real.

You suck dude







So let me get this straight... you show up here just to bitch and moan? That's your only purpose on this website?

I may be causin some shit around here lately, but at least I have a goddamn reason... you're just here because you have nothing else to do.

And what the fuck are you talking about, altering virtual reality? What fucking planet are you from, you greasy trekkie bastard? I don't need to hear your killer plan to know it sucks dick. I'm sure you'd pull it off perfectly if we were on the set of Tron, but this is real life.

So here's a better idea:

Go out to the local community college, find yourself the two-keg thirsty thursday party, and go fuck what will undoubtedly be that one girl at the party with down syndrome and a face that looks like Sammy Sosa was the one swinging the ugly stick after his worst day. If you're lucky, she might get your little pencil wet more than once, and then you can have yourself a real hobby.

My God... somebody should have told me that I was stepping into the tool shed when I showed up here. It's like I just walked into the wrong house and found a bunch of inbred rednecks, with daddy beating the shit out of mommy and billy fucking the ever-loving christ out of his twelve year old sister.

God damn, I really don't have the kind of time for this shit.

[Reggie Dallas]

Now hold on a god damn second. The motherfuck is all this bullllshit? I come here for some reviews and I get a whole heapin' helpin' of bitchasserole. I had a bassist playin' with me back in '76 and he always went on like he was the man, always like "Hey Reggie you ain't shit." So I fired his ass. Think he became an anarchist, too. Except he spelled it u-n-e-m-p-l-o-y-e-d. I better not see this shit happen again.

[pegor]

wank wank wank.. . It's like I just walked into the wrong house and found a bunch of inbred rednecks... wank wank wank

Hey hey hey! watch it kid. You can bash gays and anarchist all you want but leave inbred rednecks out of it. Youll find we're quick to anger and very good shots.