The Song Fight Bulletin Board

how do you FeeL about some jokes today? so, qotd: what's a fUnny joke? iTs okay if it's offEnsive. ^_-

mahatma gandhi, as you know, walked Barefoot most of the time, which produced An impresSive set of calluseS On his feet. he alsO ate very little, which made him rather frail aNd with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. this made him a super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.


a Dyslexic man walks into a bRa. a sUrly pirate walks into a barrr. and a Miniature man walks into a beer.

What does DNA stand for?









National Dylexics Association.

Highlight for answers!

How many dull people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.






What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car?

To the other side.

Okay, this one is probably old, but it's new to me, so:

A schoolbus of Catholic schoolgirls gets hit by a drunk driver and goes to Heaven. St. Peter's at the Pearly Gates to greet them. He asks the first girl:

"Kristin, did you ever touch a male organ?"
"Yes, St Peter. I touched one once, with the tip of my finger."
"Then dip your finger in this basin of holy water and enter Heaven."

He asks the second girl in line: "Kacy, did you ever touch a male organ?"
"Yes, St Peter. I once stroked one with my hand."
"Then dip your hand in holy water and enter Heaven."

All of the sudden, a girl comes pushing her way to the front of the line.

St Peter says "My dear, what's the rush?"
And the girl says, "Well if I have to gargle with holy water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

Hear about the agnostic dyslexic insomniac?

Stayed up all night wondering if there's a dog.

Gemini - what's a bassohont?

Here's one for all the math nerds:



What's purple and commutes?

An Abelian grape.

A guy goes to the doctor because he's not feeling well
The doctor does some tests and say, I'm sorry sir, but you have hags
Hags, he asks, what is hags?
The doctor replies, hags is herpes, aids, gonorrhea and syphilis all together
The guy says, holy crap that sounds horrible
The doctor says, it sure is, so we'll check you into a room right away
The guy asks the doctor, what kind of food does a guy get, with hags?
The doctor says, pizza and pancakes
Pizza and pancakes, the guy replies?
That doesn't sound like a healthy diet for a guy with hags. Why pizza and pancakes?
The doctor replies, it's the only thing that will fit under the door.

So a guy finds out he's dying of a bunch of nasty diseases and the first thing he asks is what kind of food he'll be getting? That doesn't make much sense. Maybe the doctor should tell him he's getting a special diet first.

fluffy wrote:So a guy finds out he's dying of a bunch of nasty diseases and the first thing he asks is what kind of food he'll be getting? That doesn't make much sense. Maybe the doctor should tell him he's getting a special diet first.

Unless, of course it's in Australia -- then he'd be wanting to know so that he could pick an appropriate wine to pair with his choice.



I got "flute bassoon t drum", myself.

What's with the "T"?

Edit -- also oboe. So that's OBOE, Flute, Bassoon, t, drum. Wuzzah?

(Did I just walk into a setup?)

fluffy wrote:So a guy finds out he's dying of a bunch of nasty diseases and the first thing he asks is what kind of food he'll be getting? That doesn't make much sense. Maybe the doctor should tell him he's getting a special diet first.

Would you like to tell the joke?


Maybe the guy missed breakfast.

Another math joke:

What's the square root of sixty nine?

Eight something...

Anonymous (XX)

Oh charles, that made me laugh.


OK, What's got a bottom at its top?




A leg.

Oh, I put this one in a math book the other day:

Why was the bird scared to pretend to be sick?

It was performing an ill-eagle act.

Älßa†ross wrote: Gemini - what's a bassohont?

Damn the pre-present capitalization! (Yes, I copied-and-pasted.) It's corrected now ;)

For the math people here.

A blow job will make your whole day, but anal will make your hole weak.

Three musicians and a bass player walk into a bar.

Uh, yeah, this one is pretty old and weathered, but I dunno, maybe someone hasn't heard it:


Q: How many hippies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: Hippies don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in (sleeping bags / tents).


Sorry, yeah, that's pretty weak. I don't know that many jokes.

fluffy wrote:Three musicians and a bass player walk into a bar.

Britney Spears walked into a bar. Nine months later, it wasn't funny anymore.

Generic wrote:National Dyslexia Association.

Yeah, but at least half their members only joined because they thought it said "dailysex."

Charles

This pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his junk. The bartender asks "does it hurt to have a steering wheel attached to you junk. The pirate replies "Arr, its drivin me nuts"

Two lawyers walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

A guy walks into a bar carrying a set of battery jumper cables. The bartender says ' you can drink in here but don't go startin nothin