The Song Fight Bulletin Board

DRC: pretty much laying low for the (U.S.) Labor Day weekend; let all the working people fill up the parks 'n' stuff, and we'll take the dogs for a road trip in a week or two. Been getting a lot of rain (for Arizona) the past few days and there's supposed to be another big one this afternoon. And I keep thinking about the people in New Orleans and elsewhere, who have a lot more to worry about than having to clean out their swimming pools...

QotD: any experience with "family feuds" and how to fix 'em? We're having some moderately heated discussions lately about what to do when my mom needs to go into a rest home, and it seems like every time I try to explain something, it offends somebody...

Charles (KA)

Plenty of that has been going around on both sides of my family, since my dad's dad and my mom's mom (my two remaining grandparents) are both in that stage of their life. There hasn't been much bickering between the kids (i.e. my parents and aunts, who have all agreed to do whatever it takes to get them staying in their own homes) but the grandparents are being very difficult. While they're glad they're not in a home they resent having someone taking care of them, being unable to drive, etc., since they both think they're able to just take care of themselves even though in both cases this decision was precipitated by a major hospital-involved crisis which was caused specifically by them NOT being able to take care of themselves.

In my grandpa's case, he has a girlfriend (about the same age as him) who has a borderline personality and is extremely jealous and wants my grandpa to herself, so she's always trying to drive a wedge between him and his own goddamn family, and in my grandma's case, she is the senile, borderline-personality one, and had a fit about even being told she couldn't pay her own bills anymore (my mom has to take care of that).

Both of them have enough savings to have home healthcare for a while (and none of us care about getting an inheritance or anything), but if they last longer than the money then I don't think any of us have any idea what we're going to do.

Someone has to take the lead, in both families (Charles and Fluffy) Are any of the parents/grandparents able to designate who they might prefer to be guardian or power of attorney type? Maybe after so and so is appointed "guardian for when I/we slip too far" the siblings can suck it in and accept it. "Well, mom did pick you, afterall. Deal with it!" Plus, it'd be easier to point fingers when something goes wrong.

It's not quite so simple. They're not in a mental state where they're really receptive to being told things anymore. There's nothing that can really prepare you for dealing with it.

Because of this experience both of my parents have been saying how when they get to that age, they hope there's a way they can just be put out of their misery immediately because holy crap do they not want to be a burden on me and my siblings.

QotD: Sorry but I'm the wrong person to ask on that front. I'm the black sheep of my family.