The Song Fight Bulletin Board

This is going to be a good one... I can feel it.

in your loins?

In the cockles of my heart, ujn. (Mr. Green: the official smiley of this fight).

Well, the closest thing I did to writing a song this week was to write some lyrics. Or rather, some fairly basic ideas for lyrics. Now that it's too late for anybody to use them, I figure I'll go ahead and post them as "poetry". Note: I was drunk when I wrote this.


Nineteen eighty six was the year that my grandpa died
Was the year that my childhood died
Sometimes cops still drive crown vics
That look like they were made in eighty six

I was green
I was young
And I was tender
But I was mean
I was hard and I was cold
I was green
I was eleven years old

I would spend my lunch hour
Hanging out with Lane and Chester
Until they gave me a wedgie
And held me down in the empty
Band directors office and
Kicked me in the crotch
And shoved me into the steel cage
Where the pepsi machine used to be

And in my mind I was gonna
Be like cobra commander
But with a small island nation
Where the people worshipped me like a god
And the women would all have to fuck me
Or they'd get thrown in a volcano
By my loyal followers

I didn't really know what fucking was.
But I knew it had something to do with balls.

And those animals in the back of the bandroom
Who called me a fag to impress the girls
Were beaten to death with music stands
Beaten to death with music stands
Beaten to death with music stands in my dreams

I was green
I was young
And I was tender
But I was mean
I was hard and I was cold
I was green
I was eleven years old

yays!! the songs are up *clears out mp3 list*

looking forward to some new music!

and a bit anxious about getting my song reviewed (first submission = yyyyyyyyyikes)

lol this one is giving me the chilly willies. I can't take it!

Lucky Spoon wrote:....and a bit anxious about getting my song reviewed (first submission = yyyyyyyyyikes)

Here, I'll break the tension for you:

Lucky Spoon
++ Awfully good concept, there. And excellent, excellent bassmanship.
-- The drum loop is kind of repetitive and drum loopy. Because there's so many snare hits, I reckon.
// The steel drum (or whatever) patch you're using doesn't mesh well with my personal preference palate. Subbing it out with mellow electric piano or something would work better for me. You could use that same EP for the digital piano in the middle-end part to maintain continuity. But hey, that's just my preferences talkin'.

AbomiNOMNOMNOMinous
That is me eating your song like cookie monster. Also, Todd McHatton. A+

First time making a song (ever)!

I would love some feedback/tips. Mixing seemed like some kind of magic art. Anyone know a good resource to learn more?

Thanks!

ltab wrote:I would love some feedback/tips. Mixing seemed like some kind of magic art. Anyone know a good resource to learn more?

Just ask in the help/how to forum, SF's various mixing gurus have answered lots of questions there. Pumped to hear your song, by the way.

ok here i go with the reviews/comments... tried to be constructive... it's hard for me not to pick, though... (especially when i have the interweb b/w me and you and i think of funny zingers)... if my comments paint a target on my back then so be it!


IndiAdamJones - i'm gonna go 40/60 good idea/stretching for it (I would go 100% stretching for it, but snot jokes are always funny). vox are smooth and flows are nice, if the song was all that it would go on my playlist. This would make a good parappa song/stage.

jakelionsband - Bum bum bum bummer of an intro. Once it picks up it's pretty fun/jolly. the high keyboard thing is bothersum... I don't know if I could take 7 minutes of that.

Jan Kruger - very pretty composition. vox seem a bit low (as in pitch, not volume) for it, though.

John Kloberdanz - has a nice retro feel to it. vox - some sustained notes feel a bit strained, but when you open up on the chorus it sounds real good.

kasper - overall good, i guess.... don't have much else to say.

larryknox - don't like WowoWowoWo keyboard. late 80s ballad feel with more of modern touch... which is decent. vox sound like someone is singing kareoke to this song

LML - I like your voice... kinda has a Liz Phaire sound to it. harmonies in chorus are conceptually there, but don't deliver as good as your verse vox (not to say theyr'e bad, just like the verse better).

Lucky Spoon - this is what happens when you let your bass player write music... what were you thinking? props to Manhattan Glutton for producing. The verse vox are painful to me, I tightened my throat to sing louder/hold pitches and it hurts my voice to listen to it. The bridge at least proves i know how to sing correctly (sorta). This song lived up to it's concept... I'm happy. (I try to be green, but not *that* adament about the environment in case you were wondering)

mcmilkplus - hell yeah! I almost pressed skip at the beginning, but i let it kick and and my booty was shakin. timid/scratchy vox are the only thing i can pick at... i can see the concept they're going for, but they could use just a tad more meat behind them. other than that it just makes me smile/laugh.

Night Elf Mohawk - it's an 8 minute track of someone talking over pow-wow music. please pass the peace pipe.

Paco del Stinko - nice nirvana-ish intro, really dig. vox came in and they were seriously deep and didn't really fit the music. overall guitar/bass/drums rock aspect of the song stuck out to me.. liked it. very high energy

Pathetic Wannabees - sounds like first electric guitar with that 10" crate amp and some chorus pedal. "what the hell is green 11?" - true... true.

Ross Durand - Singing and guitar is good, but i can't help but hear the theme to Gilligan's Island in the melody.

The Sky Looks Pissed (and friends) - yup

SomeGuyCalledNoel - G&G... ummm... not bad

Todd McHatton - chord changes are very jamiroquai. overall i like. nice!

The Weakest Suit - the guitar could do without the flange on it, guitar playing is good enough to where you don't need to cover it up with effects. you need a nice mic/acoustic guitar for a nice full sound and you'd be set for making some good songs.

Abominominous - hell yes. this song makes my playlist... boooo it's only 1:48

Andrew Reist - happy/energetic. me likey. my only complaint is the guitar distorition is too heavy. would sound better if it was thick, yet defined.

andysucks - another first owned guitar w/ 10" crate. add reverb ftw! song ain't bad, though. glad that someone went the green11 = drugs route.

Caravan Ray - guitar intro kinda sounds like a Liz Phaire song... maybe i just have liz phaire on my mind (*skips back to LML's song for a quick listen*). ooo i like this. at first i thought the guitar/bass were too quiet, but when everything comes in together it sounds smooth. your voice is easy to listen to.... has a bit of a Beck tinge to it... which i like as well.

Chopped Liver Meat God - Beat it!

Chthonic Chthock - mega man intro ftw! i like your stuff, your cdwyob is on my playlist still... mmm, yeah i think i'll put this one on there too.

Cobalt Stomach - Zomg frank sinatra vox came in after the sweeet techno/electronica intro... whhyyy? i like the song but the vox don't fit.... too far back in your throat. this has potential to go on my playlist... but the vox might get it cut.

Ye Great Chinese God! - hehe love the 80s snare. singing is a bit quiet in the mix and some what timid over all. do a few more takes once you're confident in the song. Song is happy and has a nice emotional feel to it... seems like it should be put into a bittersweet part of a movie that would make you smile and cry at the same time.

deetak - i like this song if i listen to it while i'm doing something else.

Elaine DiMasi w/ Jeff Landgraf - nice (boy i use nice too much) guitar/vox song... folky.. pleasent. if vox were a bit stronger it would make my playlist... probably.

FABULOUS PRUNES - i felt like i was taking a hearing test on mars... kept getting urge to raise and aaand... check for martians

fartin in the club - mmhmmm

gnomealone - that tree, is really far away!

The Hinsdale Patent - once i got to the chorus this song made my playlist.

Howl Down the Chimney - is that an autoharp? 'cause props for using that.... but it's cuteness wore off and the song dropped from my playlist.

LML, I like your song. You've got ~1.5 minutes of silence at the end of your MP3, though.

Hey guys... I believe my song is about to be added as a late arrival. I goofed up my e-mail last night and didn't attach my mp3, but Spud has graciously offered to cut me some slack. We'll see if the reviewers are as kind!

Looking forward to checking out everyone's entries.

let's just pretend I meant to do that. Gives you time to soak in the mediocrity of the song.

IndiAdamJones says:

Here's my picks, and reviews. I spent a while listening and critiquing so if you gain something from my perspective, please return the favor and let me know what you think of my track. Thanx.


Chthonic Chthock
Jan Kruger
LML
mcmilkplus


Abominominous - Solid Production. I like where this one ends up.

Andrew Reist - Vocals are good, but need to come up. Has a punk / ska feel. Fun. Guitar is just not quite something . . . needs EQ. Solo is weak.

andysucks - Laid back, Blues Noodle. Get some phantom power it'll help bring out the apathy.

Caravan Ray - Grateful dead sounding, good auxiliary percussion, this is a quality production, vocals are very understated, kind of drones a bit, needs more dynamic contrast, solid change at the end, but vocal content is counting. Try to get something to bring those vocals up front, tell you what, sing louder with more energy, don't over do it though.

Chopped Liver Meat God - Just Beat It. Musically I like what's happening a lot. Percussion sounds solid, Chorus of vocals: nice growl, but puts the verse to shame.
The verse seems so whiny, It puts me off a little, and the high voice at the end is so silly it undermines the rest. I'd like it more if the joke voices were lower volume and more effected. Love the guitar solo, it's rough but it sounds good with the original sampled underneath. It's slow, and long. Hmmm. See if you can capture some of your wild factor and focus it.

Chthonic Chthock - Congratulations, you got a vote me. Pretty damn awesome. All kinds of goodies here. I feel like a better person for listening to this song, because obviously you give a damn.

Colbalt Stomach - This has awesome low-end, please let me know how you do that. Vocals sound funny, like they're too close, and that contrast with the jamming groove. Nice surprise change at the end got me excited.

Ye Great Chinese God! - Turn vocals way up! There's something there, but I can't hear it. Percussion is all over the place. Potential is there but, work on drums and mixing.

deetak - You are pushing the envelope. I think I like it. Still, hit the note, unless that's part of the sound.

Elaine DiMasi w/ Jeff Landgraf - recording sounds pretty cozy, kind of boring though. What does this have to do with green eleven? Oh! the mailbox number. I'll be curious to see what's next.

Fabulous Prunes - Wacky, wide audio spectrum, spacey minus the reverb.

fartin in the club - Nice little Island you've got there, far out.

gnomealone - The next phrase hasn't posted yet, but don't wait to start because you've got a lot of work to do.

The Hinsdale Patent - Sounds like the radio! Good Production! I heard the word green eleven! Yeah solid. Vocals just a tad dry. Needs vocal EQ and compression +vol. I scream about what I think about = catchy. Definitely hummable.

Howl Down the Chimney with Todd McHatton - Oh oh oh, No! What happened?
I'm still jamming to the Howl from last week. Telpin, you would've been the man,
if you topped wkta. I'm sorry you didn't win last week, because, that shit was hot.
This week is Green 11: Not a huge fan of the more major sounding parts, I think
it's the background vocals. This weeks narrative??? I don't know, I guess I'm
being hard on you, but that's cause you dominate. Sitar:Good::bongos:whack. You're voice sounds good and strong. The atmosphere is there.

jakelionsband - Passion is there, vocals need help, here's some: Don't sing with
the rhythm of the melody because when you miss, it is so blatant. Also, you don't
have to sing the whole time. Real Drums are a good aim, but are contributing to
a weak rhythm: Try recording to a click track. First strengthen the things that are
really in your control, like the click track is easy, and give a solid base. So, vocals
need work what are you going to do? Are you going to incorporate a click track?
Oh, BTW you can add all kinds of cool stuff to your mp3 file like titles, and
comments it's fun!

Jan Kruger - Beautiful Guitar, simple, vocal harmonies beautiful, It is folk.
Those low, low notes are tough to keep in tune . . . you are winning the battle. I vote for you again this week.

John Kloberdanz - You weren't listening to Dilan again were you? On the chorus the passion and power is
unbelievable, I believe you can do anything with that set of lungs. Now, throttle
it back just a touch and it will also have control. I realize that your volume has
something to do with your lyrics there, but realize when you say loud and get loud
that's two different things. Pick one and leave the other. I like it.

kasper - As long as you're having fun, but this is too melodramatic for me. Watch Hedwig and the Angry Inch again, you need more energy.

larryknox - Something just isn't coming together when it seems like all the ingredients are there. I think try recording to a faster tempo, because it drags. Wait! I like the keyboard solo. It sounds like Kool and the Gang.

LML - Yes, A+ on content, alarm clocks rule! Everything louder! Exploit EQ and compression. You're a good singer. I like you're voice. Keep's me hooked. Background ambient voices are excellent, nice panning. I Vote 4U #3.

Lucky Spoon - Solid Production. The Cuban drum kind of takes over.

mcmilkplus- Quality. Rap. Vote.

Night Elf Mohark- funny

Paco de Stinko - Rocken. Remember green eleven.

Pathetic Wannabees - Use technology to bring your sound to my speakers. Muffled.

Ross Durand - Great Sound. Sailors will like this. Me too. You're guitaring is great.

The Sky Looks Pissed - Sounds so small.

SomeGuyCalledNoel - I just don't get it.

Todd McHatton - Not my thing.

The Weakest Suit - How are you recording this? Bring in phantom power ASAP.

Edited on 3/4 to include my review of Melvin, see the end of my post.

This is my first time writing detailed reviews...I've appreciated the feedback I get (alot!) so here you go, hope it measures up. Somehow I found the time tonight to listen to everyone.

My votes are going to:

Caravan Ray - I love this song! I love everything about it! Great performance, great recording, great voice, clever lyrics! I have no advice. Absolutely getting my vote. Well done!

Elaine DiMasi - You have a great voice, GREAT! I love the playing and singing. Nice clean recording. I like the idea of talking to the magazine. I will never forget the line "I've never been 40 before", beautiful! Great job, I love your song and your voice. I'll stop gushing now. Only piece of advice is I wouldn't have had the hard stop so suddenly at the end, and I'm only saying that because I thought it. In case you didn't figure it out, you've got my vote.

Jan Krueger - Great guitar playing! You are very talented y'know. It should have been in a different key for your vocals. No matter, gets my vote! A sweet little song, I liked it.

John Kloberdanz - This is me, and I listened to myself again. In my opinion I wrote a decent song, and my vocals sound good, but I really need to learn to record cleaner, better and fuller, mix it better, maybe digital master, whatever. I do like my "Neil Young" solo, it's my favorite part. Yes, I voted for myself. I've been a live performer for decades, with recording new to me, hang in there with me songfighters!

LML - you have a super voice! I did vote for you, but changed my mind 10 times back and forth. The reason is that the lyrics really could have used more work, you want to pay more attention to what syllable the emphasis is on when you're singing, speak lyrics to yourself and make sure that the syllables are lining up. Just some future advice.

Paco del Stinko - I loved it! Great energy! I didn't understand why it was called Green Eleven, but I'm breaking my own rule by voting for it anyway.

Ross Durand - I strive to someday make my recordings have this kind of quality sound. The folk stylings worked perfectly for me with these lyrics which were of a pretend history that may yet come someday. I have a question though, if in 2021 we're still burning oil, and then everything is shut off, how will we heat our homes? Never mind, yes a vote from me.

The Sky Looks Pissed - Y'know, my guitar and my voice help me be fine, and I encourage my two boys to be musical. Despite this obvious lyrical flaw, the originality and honesty of this song win my vote.

SomeGuyCalledNoel - I'm partial to g&g, since most of the time that's all I am. Ok, this time I was g&g with effects and a set of drumsticks. Anyway, I love this song, it's sweet and real to me. Your voice is perfect in it. Vote.

These almost got my votes:

Abominominous - I like the funky feel and the quality of the recording and the mix. Lyrics didn't do it for me, they didn't seem to make any sense to me. Close but not a vote.

Andrew Reist - Great beat, great feel, solid performance! I couldn't understand most of the lyrics and the ones I understood ("you are the one for me") didn't do enough to earn a vote in this field. Vocals should have been more prominent in the mix.

Andy Sucks - I don't agree, I don't think that Andy sucks! I think Andy can write a decent song, and can play pretty decently, and has a soulful voice. I listened twice. With just a little more work on the lyrics, and maybe a cross-verse or a bridge or something to make the tune more interesting it would have earned my vote.

Chthonic Chthock - A fun song! Great job on the recording, instruments, sounds, or whatever all that is. Too gimmicky for my vote though, sorry.

Death Be Not Proud - I can't understand most of the words except for the "find my way back home". Not being able to hear the lyrics is going to be pretty much a no vote for me automatically. You have a good voice, it needs to be mixed up. Alternatively, post the lyrics before the vote begins. I really wished I could have understood the words because I liked the music.

the Hinsdale Patent - I like the music and recording alot. The melody was ok, but I heard a couple of places where I would have gone a different way and been more in tune. I listened twice, but no vote. Despite having the words "green eleven" in a verse, why was it called green eleven? Fix up the lyrics, fix the out of tune melody parts, and if this were the 1960's you have a hit single.

IndiAdamJones - I like the situation/inflammation rhyme especially, and yes it made me laugh out loud (and my wife is still laughing) but I've had a chronic sinus infection since December (don't let the sound of my recording voice fool you) and the whole idea of a song about snots kinda gave me the chilly willies.

Lucky Spoon - I didn't like the steel drum sound so much. I would have voted for it anyway but I really didn't like the talking part with the crying, it was goofy but what preceded it was not goofy. It seemed like the song didn't know what it wanted to be. Could have been a vote if that weren't the case.

Todd McHatton - Sounded too much like the late Beatles for me. Don't get me wrong, I love the Beatles. I also didn't get the lyrics and how it's like a Green Eleven. Listened twice, but my mind was made up.

The rest:

Chopped Liver Meat God - This one just didn't work for me. It was too long. The lyrics are sweet (too sweet at times) but the music is too angry throughout. Sorry, I just didn't like it.

Cobalt Stomach - so which one came first, this or Chthonic? It was like a sideways deja vu. No vote.

deetak - Musically this one relies on the strange sounds and voices too much. I was never into amateur wrestling as a kid so maybe that's why the lyrics didn't speak to me.

FABULOUS PRUNES - I'm going to assume that you were trying to irritate me...it worked, but that doesn't earn my vote.

Fartin' in the Club - Great band name. If I had been sitting in a chair instead of laying in bed I would have chair danced. Well, no, not really.

Gnome Alone - Ummm, ok, ummm, next time flesh out the idea a little more.

Howl Down the Chimney with Todd McHatton - Some great overdubbing and interesting musical choices that work, but overall I just wasn't in love. The end went on too long.

Jake Lions Band - The intro took too long, the song took too long, but my review will be short. I didn't like it.

Kasper - started out good, I like the guitar, but the lyrics don't really go anywhere much. They could have been better with more work.

Larry Knox - Vocals needed some effects, an echo or reverb or something. It makes it sound disjointed from the music which is full of effects. Did you have studio musicians record the music and then add the vocals at home? Sudden end was too sudden. Alot of work went into this, but no vote from me, sorry.

MC Milk Plus - You are very talented, but I didn't feel the love.

Night Elf Mohawk - I tried to listen to all of this. I really did. I'm sorry, call me weak if you must.

Pathetic Wannabees - The guitar effects were irritating. Points for making it sound like everything was recorded at once through one mike, and for honesty about "what the hell is green eleven" but that's not enough for a vote.

The Weakest Suit - Sounds like there are too many guitar effects, and that the guitar and vocals were recorded together. Record separately, fewer guitar effects, get closer to the mike, louder vocal mix.

Late add review

Melvin - Great recording, good energy, excellent hook. Could have eased up on the vocals at the "someday" part in the chorus. Would fall into my "almost" category because I didn't hear how "Green Eleven" worked into the lyric.

Thanks for the tip to turn up the vocals! I could tell that something wasn't right, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Also, Death Be Not Proud = Ye Great Chinese God!. ( n00b error -- still learning how to use the tools... )

Thanks-
--ltab

I would strongly encourage the Pathetic Wannabees to post their lyrics, because I can't make out a fucking word you're saying. Don't take it personally, Mad Dog, it must be a technology issue.

Thanks, SPUD

Why did I think this fight was due tomorrow? I recorded mine this evening. Here it is, in case anyone's interested.

http://www.jon-eric.com/Songs/Other/Big ... Eleven.mp3

Generic wrote:Why did I think this fight was due tomorrow? I recorded mine this evening. Here it is, in case anyone's interested.

http://www.jon-eric.com/Songs/Other/Big ... Eleven.mp3

I'm not listening because I don't believe you.

...wait a tic....green eleven of your legs? Jon? I'm going to kill you via blunt force.

Was there an unintentional double entendre there? I was just implying that if a person is really sick, they get green and they lose a lot of weight, causing their skinny legs to look like a green eleven.

See, it's called a metaphor.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

Generic wrote:Was there an unintentional double entendre there? I was just implying that if a person is really sick, they get green and they lose a lot of weight, causing their skinny legs to look like a green eleven.

See, it's called a metaphor.

Anyway, thanks for listening.

I actually like that song a lot. Very nasty. Cool.

But BLT is right - the 'green eleven legs' line is not good. You could have won the Battle of Agincourt single-handedly drawing a bow as long as that.

Oh, and by the way John Fogerty called and he wants his chorus back


...but all that aside - I do like it. Just change the 'green eleven' line, and give the chorus a run through a defogertyafier, it will be sweet!


...and in the main game, a quick listen has left Elaine DiMasi, MCMilkPlus and Paco as the most memorable so far - I hope to elaborate later