The Song Fight Bulletin Board

How vestive!

...so all we need now is art.

I did some "art". Please someone with more artistic talent, do some art so we aren't left with mine.

Too late!!

Sorry about the second exclamation mark. I needed one more character to get past the minimum. I guess I could have gone with:

Too! Late!

Horrible reviews on first listen are as follows:

Paco: your voice makes me smile. I thought it might be a little long, but everything fit together well, and parts would be missed if removed. Faster, maybe.

Cabbage: sounds like background music for a 80's sci-fi thriller. I understand why you put the "vest factory" in there... But the "factory" was way loud, kind of out of place.

The chadd: this is weird weird stuff here sir. I really like when the drums get all technoy. The crazy off beat/key lyrics are strangely fitting. I would work on making the quiet parts sound just a little less random, and you'd have it.

Schlim: i don't usually like uke, but this one grew on me as it progressed. I think it was the solid singing performance, and the heavy strumming, that gave the song an ominous feel I thought not capable with the uke. Good job sir.

Dark: catchy, but not really my style. Kinda sounds like a cleaner bloodhound gang. I think some of the lyrics were a little weak, but the synth solo was awesome. And with a title like this who can expect poetry?

J$: I wish I knew a vest was a tank top before this title. Strange little carribean feel you have with the steel drums, but it all fits in the end.

Lala: not bad, at first the verse sounded a little monotonous, but by the end you threw some little oohs, and some bongos in there to liven it up. I couldn't really follow the story... But I'm a little slow sometimes. All in all, I'd say a good start. Tighten up the bongos... Vocals were as good as expected, but a little underwhelming in variation. A good listen though.

Fitzroy: what were we thinking? I don't know. It started that we were going to write a song about child labor... However, it quickly devolved into us laughing histarically at the "snazzy/razzle dazzy" rhyme... Thus losing any seriousness whatsoever. yeah. I don't know. I like the way I say "add the word might"... Next week will be awesome.

James: inoffensive to the ears, and well recorded. Not really my style, but good none the less. Sorry I don't have more to say.

Panna: as with James, well recorded, written, and performed. Yours is a bit less boring to me, but that is personal, and nothing to do with your great song.

Toten: captures an automated factory perfectly. I appreciate this, but the song is kind of cheesy.

Ranger: starts very pretty, cool voice. I like this a lot. When it builds is perfect. Well done. This is my pick for winner.

Thanks for reading these opinionated reviews. Good job all!

Cabbage Stare -- Impressive (oppressive) industrial soundscape, more about factories than vests. The pitches of the spoken "vest" and "factory" form an interrogative, which doesn't seem to fit the totalitarian mood. Good use of a few simple elements to create an atmosphere.

The Chadderrandom Abyss -- Nice, crisp work with the Beefheart-style instrumentation, but the lyrics are sometimes muffled. The vocals are suitably dissipated, but could be more aggressively down-and-dirty; the tone needs more cheap whiskey! Overall, an interesting and pleasing arrangment.

Darkroom -- Good lyrics, fun synth sounds. The music builds well at the solo. The chorus is catchy. There's some issue with the recording or mix around the words "vest" and "best" -- they are very muffled.

Die Toten Schlaghosen -- A maddeningly chirpy tune with welcome breakdowns and peculiar grunts. Very silly, which is fine for a title that seems to invite silliness.

DJ Ranger Den -- Five minutes is needed for this dreaming piece to develop its full mesmerizing quality. The piano is sensitively played, and the vocals are delivered with character. The gong and the effects are judiciously applied. I wouldn't play it at a party until about five in the morning. Don't forget to trim the mic handling at the start!

Fitzroy -- This low-budget lark reminds me of many a pleasant Saturday afternoon jam. I'm enjoying it along with you, but I wish I had a doobie.

James Owens -- More a loose confederation of instruments than an arrangement. The lyrics came in two batches, doggerel and snarkiness. I should have re-written the snarky parts. The singing has known flaws. The flute playing benefits greatly from lashings of reverb.

Johnny Cashpoint -- I like the political lyrics, slightly ham-fisted at the end. Colourful textures, though I'm not crazy about the distorted guitar as a textural element in this context. Playful mood, interesting construction.

lalabrookie -- This depicts a small, squalid drama. I wouldn't call the characters cardboard exactly, but they are certainly archetypal. The music is appropriately dark and tense, focussing attention on the stifled lives. I appreciate that you add parts and change it up a little, but the level of tension is still fairly constant, which at just under four minutes can be exhausting.

Paco del Stinko -- A slightly Irish-leprechaun jingle to start. Droll and imaginative lyrics. Recording, instrumentation, performance are all outstanding, as always. The jingle feels very natural; the other parts are OK compositionally, but kind of filling in time.

The Panna Cotta Army -- Great recording, full and rich. Inventive and varied music, lyrical and dreamy in places. The subtle dissonances add depth. My pick to win the fight.

Schlimminy Cricket -- Disarmingly simple ukelele and vocals. Good harmonies, very effective rhythmic phrasings.

[darkroom]

Thanks for the reviews, guys! I'm glad people seem to be enjoying the one aspect of the track that I also thought was enjoyable. I'm glad the solo wasn't overlooked. as for muddy words, yeah, it was recorded on a laptop mic in a tiny, shiny room that seems to amplify the hell out of esses, so there was some massive de-essing going on there.

I'll hopefully have some reviews up soon.

http://spintown79.blogspot.com/2011/03/ ... ctory.html

Darkroom - Voice is too distorted in the chorus. Awesome instrumental. Overall I enjoyed the music, lyrics & performance...just really wish you would go back and clean up whatever you did to the vocals in the chorus. (Voted)

Paco del Stinko - Liked the chorus, and the fact that you started with it. I kind of felt like it was a bad local commercial. Good thing everyone knows bad local commercials are awesome. Overall the idea was funny, and fairly well done. I think the verses slow down a bit to much. It's slowed down to where it's almost like you're talking to a customer, but you're not talking...your singing. It causes you to sound like you were kicked in the head by a mule, and are struggling to get words out. Not complaining about your voice, it's the pacing I guess? Even though I said it was like a bad local commercial & implied you were kicked in the head...I really did like it. :p (Voted)

DJ Ranger Den - I asked Denise why there was silence & typing at the beginning, and she said it fit the story. I still didn't get it. At the beginning I thought the echoes were annoying, but I was digging it by the end. The percussion instruments gave this song a little different feel than some of the songs I'm used to from Denise. Overall I have to say I liked the sound, just didn't buy the story.

It's about clothing that turns into straightjackets. I get that the girls love this vest you have, and that they all apparently want to be like you. But I'm missing a connection that is probably obvious. You mention you're alone, a loss of control, drowning, and seem pretty miserable: which would be "the cost" I guess. But I don't get HOW. How does the clothing cause all this exactly? I'm dense when it comes to getting lyrics, and once again it seems as if I'm lost.

(Long review since I've been pestering her to fight again. Since she did, I felt I should at least put more effort into the review than normal.)

Cabbage Stare - I've worked in factories that sounded better...but at least you put the title in.

Die Toten Schlaghosen - Started off interesting, got bored after 30 seconds.

lalabrookie - Wasn't going to comment at all on this, but you're a noob, and I wanted to say I think it's better than your previous entries.

The Panna Cotta Army - Pretty, but stop having Rebecca Black write your lyrics.

OK, I tried to post this twice last night and it wouldn't stick for some reason? Hope this one works...

JAMES OWENS: Pretty melody, liked the flute(ish)? thing in the middle. Amused by the description of the vest emblazoned with the family tree. A little canned but still charming.

DIE TOTEN: Did hear Darth Vader in there somewhere – possibly doing calisthenics? Nice underlying beat and loved the piper tune.

PACO DEL STINKO: Funny lyrics, flow was a little confusing. Some parts made me want to line dance, others sounded like they came from an episode of Barney. As usual, unique and amusing!

DARKROOM: Had me tapping my toes immediately and practically dancing by th end. I would love to hear the Beastie Boys cover this. Cracked up at “I'll be that asian jerk”. Kept me amused the whole time and put a smile on my face. VOTE

DJ RANGER DEN: Was very exited about the piano at first and was glad it took off a little towards the end but still didn't build like I was waiting for. Echo-y lyrics and sound effects were kind of distracting. However, I think with some fine tuning your style and sound have the potential for greatness.

PANNA COTTA: Nice harmonies and echoes. Mellow- like a good lite beer.

CABBAGE STARE: Um...wow...all I can do is liken this to a bad acid trip. I actually felt a little paranoid by the end of the song. Nice layering, though.

SCHLIMMINY: Like the traveling minstrels sound and the harmonies. Strumming kind of seemed a little frantic as the song went on. Tempo was steady but something about it just seemed to make me a little nervous...intriguing song, though!

CHADERANDOM: Very disconcerting and the lyrics were hard to understand.

JOHNNY CASHPOINT: The honesty in this is great: “made from sweatshop cruelty” and “like veal suffering makes it tasty” soooo funny ) Backup music sounded like a happy Mario Bros world. Little to busy in the chorus – too many of the same sounds right on top of each other- not enough variety. But overall, very funny and interesting.

FITZROY: Great tune, and wow, the lyrics?! Absolutely cracked up @ your “lady said HE-E-AY” Hilarious and unexpected. Guitar was awesome. VOTE

LALA (me): Wrote 2 songs, revised the 2nd to death, so sick of it being in my head by the time it was done- thus the sigh at the beginning of the song. Just barely OK with overall effect but maybe a little boring.

Paco, DJ Ranger Den, and especially The Panna Cotta Army have been very entertaining these last couple days. And Schlimminy Cricket is really growing on me. Thanks!

Spintown wrote:The Panna Cotta Army - Pretty, but stop having Rebecca Black write your lyrics.

I suspect she doesn't write lyrics - there's probably a whole record label full of "producers" employed to do that for her

DISCLAIMER:
I am a goober that should not be writing reviews. I'm not saying anything bad about myself, this is just simple Fact. I feel wracked with guilt and I hate to criticize. I enjoy listening to all the songs and I feel like you are all my people. Even though I am quiet and don't really "know" anyone. I lurk all the time (a lot of times not signing in!)… and I usually write lyrics and sometimes songs and don't get them in on time (for most every fight). Since I feel like I'm not really giving back - here goes nothing. I hope that these aren't too horrid because this community has been just really great!

******************************
*The Chadderandom Abyss
There's an aspect of this that reminds me of Primus. The risks you take are quite fun and you use some of my favorite intervals and jumps. I think if things had been balanced perfectly in a spatial way, your strange decisions would have come across and made your point more successfully. Your uses of pause and silence could come across better with a step up the production ladder. I of course am all too familiar with increasing effectiveness of your message with better production, so what can I say. I lost your point a bit, but did not dislike, as I enjoy the experimental.

*Johnny Cashpoint
I was drawn in immediately. I wanted your backup vocals to be softer. Your lyrics were catchy and your steel drums were fun. The synthy-horn thing poked out a little bit in the middle, but when the solo comes in it's happy yay time. It was a little distorty for me at the end. I like anyone who is successful with drums - as I can't seem to get my #$^ together on that front.

*Darkroom
Neato rap thing! Well produced with all the right robotty noises and synthy things. For some reason it didn't melt my butter. It was uber catchy though. With really nifty effects. I'm gonna listen to it some more. I probably wanted some handclaps near the end because I am a dork who is completely inappropriate, and should not be writing these reviews.

*The Panna Cotta Army
Awesometoast! Your snare sounds amazing and this is hooky as hell. Your chord progression is awesome. The layering and vocal effects and turnarounds are all great and this is highly coverable. I don't really have anything bad to say, although I would have had that synth poke out at a slightly lower level at the end. That's just a matter of personal taste though and didn't detract in any way.

*Fitzroy
oh my! lyrics… cute, buteek, eek! this is tight and I really like the way the drums sound! Ended abruptly. I really like your vocal. Like a LOT. I would say that you have a sexy voice but that's horribly forward of me. This is the kind of "punkesque" vocal I dig on though (I SO should not write reviews……)
Very garage-y (durrr), but sounds a lot better than any of my garage-y recordings ever ever did!

*James Owens
The instrumental felt too distorty to me. I can't decide how I feel about your vocal.. I spent a lot of time wondering what effect I would put on it. I really enjoyed your bridge. Especially the stops and rhythm changes. Oh, and I'm one of those people that thinks a flute in a song is WIN. This was interesting and creative with nice lyrics. It kinda went on.. (wow, I'm a little hypocritical here…) The organ-out at the end was worth the wait thru.

*lalabrookie
your vocal - mmmmmmmyummmmm…. I wanted another instrument in the mix though. It's probably because your voice sounds very sophisticated to me and there is just a simple guitar in a drone pattern (which fits the song, and subject; as does the percussion). Maybe a violin or woodwind instrument, even a sample of some kind? Harmonies were nice. I liked the picking and the tone of the guitar. Pleasant surprise when the high vox came in, but it didn't fulfill my need for more instrumentation. I'd love to arrange this and throw a cello or viola in there. It's groovy (i sound pretentious).

*Cabbage Stare
(I am predisposed to like your song because you have a most bitchin' band name. I have not pressed play).
I did turn it down because I thought you were trying to kill me. Funnily enough, as soon as the vocal came in, all my alarms for 'April Fools Day' came right on at the stroke of midnight. Your song perhaps came across as more effective than it should, because of this? I don't know. But you have a voice perfect for this type of mind-%&*$#%… and I can't talk because of this one instrumental I alienated everyone with in a contest once. Gerbil-paw of approval. I will listen again though, probably in the dark through monitors with a lava lamp. Well played, Cabbage, well played.

*Schlimminy Cricket
this sounds like it should be at the end of a movie. or an episode of weeds. lyrics wow. chord progression great. development is great with the bell-like percussion stuff. Very professional. Way into this. It would be good for closing credit stuff because it goes on a tad too long (again, I'm a hypocrite; or need to go to bed.). Something else could have been thrown in and the song wouldn't have suffered. Or maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, and it is just fine as is.

**DJ Ranger Den, who is me
(disclaimer, because I know about this song… I know why I did things).
1. the typing is a bit alienating, and I'm surprising you didn't get cracked for this more than just by Travis. You'll have to blog.
2. Stop being lazy. If you're going to record vocals in the closet, put a mic in the closet. You live in a damn recording studio!
3. It needs another instrument. Like a cello or something. Because it gets boring. The gong work gets arbitrary and smashy near the end. It's got potential but you'll have to recut the vocal (shame, it's a good performance - see if you can pull it off again!) and develop it more.
GOOD song though, can you do it a couple more times in a row around here?
4. Bridge? WTH? No one can understand that! You'll have to use a different effect or recut the rhythm on that vocal.
(thank you for indulging this self-criticism. {ninja bow})

*Die Toten Schlagohosen
this rules. it makes me want to dance. this is a robot song of high caliber and I'm going to be singing that little phrase tomorrow. The bass is devastating. this is the cutest thing ever. A tad simplistic perhaps, maybe it's the theme song for the hell which santa's elves go to if they don't do Toys well enough. That's what I'm going with. Normally, I'd roll my eyes at anything smacking of panflute (which is Satan's ukelele).. but this is brilliantly applied, inspiring even.

*Paco del Stinko
this is the one where I REALLY heard the lyrics the most. Where I felt the subject.
"you don't get the sleeves, but you do get the rest…"
best line of the whole contest. The guitar arpeggio was a bit high for me, The guitar solo, was a bit ROCK for me though… The bridge was really cool and then got WEIRD, but you held on, man. Last chord progression was tasty like jalepeño. unk!

Fun-tastic round. ..whew I did it. Ack.
Denise who is,
DJ Ranger Den

ps. I'm posting this before I chicken out, and go back and write only compliments.

BBABM wrote: Schlim: i don't usually like uke, but this one grew on me as it progressed. I think it was the solid singing performance, and the heavy strumming, that gave the song an ominous feel I thought not capable with the uke. Good job sir.

That was a uke?
Well I'll be da-dangled.!!!

Even more vest points. Yay.

RangerDenni wrote: *Fitzroy
oh my! lyrics… cute, buteek, eek! this is tight and I really like the way the drums sound! Ended abruptly. I really like your vocal. Like a LOT. I would say that you have a sexy voice but that's horribly forward of me. This is the kind of "punkesque" vocal I dig on though (I SO should not write reviews……)
Very garage-y (durrr), but sounds a lot better than any of my garage-y recordings ever ever did!

sexy huh? Why thank you. If you could see me right now you'd laugh that you said that. I was going for a b-52s thing. Didn't quite come out that way. The guitar and drums were recorded as one, in the tiniest, most echoey, and ill equipped jam room ever. We then sat down and wrote lyrics... To make sure the vocals sounded appropriately f'ed up we recorded them through an amp and into the same mic, in the same room. It came out better than expected, thus entered...

P.s. You give awesome reviews... and I kind of like it when people are mean, and critical.

Thanks for the reviews so far!

lalabroooke: It is a flute, a really old Artley played Ian Anderson-style and then treated with generous reverb.

RangerDenni: Distortion comment noted. The instrumentation included two guitars, both pre-amped through the 12AX7 stage of a Bogen PA, which does add some subtle IM distortion (aka "warmth"). One guitar also went through a cheap distortion pedal on its mildest setting, to add some grunge. The other guitar was a little out of tune, but not for want of trying. It was capo'ed at the second fret and I couldn't get it in tune even with a chromatic tuner. Obviously the intonation needs work. (Actually I need a new electric guitar.) Then there was the organ, dialed up from a Yamaha synth, with overdriven-Leslie built into the sound. I guess cumulatively it was too much.
-- Effects for my voice? Could use some Dristan! I added some compression and some nearly-imperceptible reverb, but for most genres, what to do with my voice is a problem. No matter what I try, it doesn't work. If you think of anything, please let me know!
-- Funny you found it a bit long. I'm working on keeping things interesting, because it's a weak point for me. This time I tried mixing up the parts a little (too often I'm A-B, A-B, done). I'll keep trying stuff.

Spintown: Is it safe to assume that the absence of a review is a review of sorts?

Yes, nice reviews so far. I've been listening all week, and Friday night happens to be my made it through the week now you can have beer night. S, how about the dangerous combo of beer and reviews later? Sorry for those late in the list, I go by the alphabetical listing. S'alright, I'm down there this week!

RangerDenni: No need to apologize in your reviews. You do it the way I like them, anyway. Find good, bad, make suggestions. Just be honest. Some people have been brutal, some too kind. Split the difference. But keep them coming!

cabbage - Is this supposed to sound like a vest factory? It might be a vest factory... on acid.

chad - I like the intro - it has a lot of potential. Slowing it down and keeping it thin wasn't a good choice.

darkroom - Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from Cotton Eye Joe?
Synths need to be beefed up. Not so fond of this style, it's too 90s white guy trying to rap.

die - Solid synth choices, good drill sounds. The vocals and structure could use some tweaking, maybe some more layers of instrumentation building up.

DJ - I almost skipped through this, then I realized it wasn't crap and started from the beginning. Holy crap. The instrumentation build-up is incredible. The piano playing is amazing. The lyrics are interesting. The vocalist is witty and knows how to work it. I'm so impressed I had to go to the music archive and look up your name to make sure this isn't some sort of hoax. OK, I'm done gushing. Wait, is that peaking in your vocals when you get loud?

Fitz - Not bad for a live recording, but it's just so generic. Singer needs help staying on key.

james - This is pretty good. Not something I'd normally like, but you did it well. Recording wise, I'd give the guitars a bump (maybe just around the 3k range) since they seem a little flat.

j$ - Steel drums. Yes. Solid vocal performance. I think the music could pop a bit more (or the vox are too hot, take your pick), and the canned drums are a bit cheesy.

lala - Are you drumming on your guitar? Because that is legit. This is a good entry. I'm not sure why there is sex and shame in a vest factory. The only improvement would be extra production.

paco - I lolled in the first 3 seconds. Oh Paco, this is silly but pleasant to listen to.

PANNA - I've been waiting for this since Hard Landing. This song is nothing short of "KICK ASS". You don't need feedback - you need your own radio station. Your voice kind of reminds me of Kenna in some parts - are you Kenna? Kenna Cotta Army? Your secret alias submitting non-techno to Song Fight? Ok, the one thing I can pick at is your song is very warm - it's a good feel-goody-feeling - there's something to be said for definition. If you're putting reverb on your master track... try not doing that.

Schlim - It's kind of cool, and you do a good job building it up with minimal instrumentation.

WINNERS: DJ, PANNA

How come the good songs usually come out with the weird titles?

Manhattan Glutton wrote:j$ - ... the canned drums are a bit cheesy.

Intended or not, that's possibly the best compliment my drumming has ever had.

That is a real crash symbol? Wow, I am so sorry.

Manhattan Glutton wrote: DJ - I almost skipped through this, then I realized it wasn't crap and started from the beginning.

This is totally going in my signiture. Because it is awesome. That is all.

AJOwens wrote:Thanks for the reviews so far!

Your organ was righteous. You're right, perceived "distortion" could have been the cumulative thing. You sound like you know more than me about putting effects and stuff onto each track. It wasn't a huge thing.
About the vocals, I've listened again and i think it's just that you're hard to peg, vocally. This is not a bad thing. Nobody wants to be easy....

{crickets chirp}

I try choruses sometimes, because I have a freaky voice that doesn't fit in a lot of places. This time I just oozed a lot and sang in a closet; clipping into my laptop mic! (for SHAAAAAME....)
Oh, also, I told a few people theirs was lengthy. I think I had the attention span of a nematode last night. It wasn't a problem today. *sheesh*

Dear all,
Thank you for your wonderful feedback.

I did indeed clip it.
Shamefully, although I live among beautiful microphones that reduce audiophiles to tears and have access to soundproofing; I recorded my vocals in haste, practically while writing the song, in a closet I call "The Lair" ... using the laptop mic in my SmackbookPro (i affectionately refer to it as the cylon, as I think it is trying to kill me in my sleep).
I used effects and then even the bowed gongs + other gonglike sounds from the Eastwest Symphonic orchestra to cover it up.. but we're gonna have to step it up a bit to make the song hit full potential. Nothing can really fix a clip.

Can it? I liked my vocal performance. i'm just gonna have to suck it up and do it again, aren't i?