L'Occitane
Posted: Fri Jul 18, 2014 4:03 pm
Nick Soma - L'Occitane
Part III of the Celina Flanaghan Tetralogy
I've traveled far across the world,
To be given tag after tag.
They used to call me L'Occitane,
But now I'm just a mean old hag.
Yes, once I was a nice young lady,
Now I'm a nasty old witch.
They used to call me L'Occitane,
Now it's the Obnoxious Bitch.
I used to sell them beauty products
To aid them in their travesty
Of beauty - see how ugly I am,
They're still uglier than me!
But now I specialize in potions,
Those that make the bad guys flee;
'Cuz there ain't no competition
For a hideous hag like me!
So, Celina, take this flask,
Carefully sealed by me.
Thinking of those crooks a-pleading
Fills my heart with glee.
And here's a great device for you
For bonus splatter factor.
It unleashes a beast that'll mow 'em down
Just like a tractor.
So, for wreaking total havoc,
Just pull this little switch
And think of me, the one and only
Great Obnoxious Bitch.
Those young girls are no competition
For a mean old hag like me.
They got smoothly outlined backs
But I got an identity.
They got artificial smilies,
I have got an actual brain.
They survive without nutrition,
I survive out in the rain.
Except for you, Celina darling,
You are of a kind I like.
You don't fear things goin' haywire,
You don't fear the final strike.
Yes, once I was a nice young lady,
Now I'm a nasty old witch.
They used to call me L'Occitane,
Now it's the Obnoxious Bitch.
Part III of the Celina Flanaghan Tetralogy
I've traveled far across the world,
To be given tag after tag.
They used to call me L'Occitane,
But now I'm just a mean old hag.
Yes, once I was a nice young lady,
Now I'm a nasty old witch.
They used to call me L'Occitane,
Now it's the Obnoxious Bitch.
I used to sell them beauty products
To aid them in their travesty
Of beauty - see how ugly I am,
They're still uglier than me!
But now I specialize in potions,
Those that make the bad guys flee;
'Cuz there ain't no competition
For a hideous hag like me!
So, Celina, take this flask,
Carefully sealed by me.
Thinking of those crooks a-pleading
Fills my heart with glee.
And here's a great device for you
For bonus splatter factor.
It unleashes a beast that'll mow 'em down
Just like a tractor.
So, for wreaking total havoc,
Just pull this little switch
And think of me, the one and only
Great Obnoxious Bitch.
Those young girls are no competition
For a mean old hag like me.
They got smoothly outlined backs
But I got an identity.
They got artificial smilies,
I have got an actual brain.
They survive without nutrition,
I survive out in the rain.
Except for you, Celina darling,
You are of a kind I like.
You don't fear things goin' haywire,
You don't fear the final strike.
Yes, once I was a nice young lady,
Now I'm a nasty old witch.
They used to call me L'Occitane,
Now it's the Obnoxious Bitch.